Podcasts by Category
"Absolutely not" to legitimately everything.....Comedian Heather McMahan creates a safe-space for us to tell-all and bitch about the rest. No topics are off-limits as we break down the everyday struggles of doing the most, and the least, at the same damn time. Come for the humor, authentic discussion or call in the Hotline or should we say "Absolutely NOT-Line" with your life complaints. We will discuss it all. It's a joyful take on life's craziest moments.
- 273 - Master Scammers Part 3
On this episode, Heather is joined by the ultimate scammer, the pillar himself, Raymond Padilla. They are back from the Masters tournament and ready to chat about all their adventures in Augusta. Episode Sponsors: Treat yourself to the best bras on the market and save 20% off at honeylove.com/ABSOLUTELY This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/ABSOLUTELY and get on your way to being your best self. Control body odor ANYWHERE with @lumedeoderant and get 15% off with promo code ABSOLUTELY15 at LumeDeoderant.com Try AG1 and get a free 1-year supply of Vitamin D3+K2 AND 5 free AG1 Travel Packs with your first subscription at drinkAG1.com/absolutely. Indulge in affordable luxury! Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Fatty15 is on a mission to replenish your C15 levels and restore your long-term health. You can get an additional 15% off their 90-day subscription Starter Kit by going to Fatty15.com/ABSOLUTELY and using code ABSOLUTELY at checkout. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 17 Apr 2024 - 1h 06min - 272 - Just Us
On this episode, Heather is finally back home in the ATL studio for a solo episode. Grateful for all of her previous guests, but also to just chit chat with y'all one on one. There is a lot that has happened over the last few weeks to go over, but she still has time for a few voicemails. Episode Sponsors: For inspiration for your new vive, every day, at saks.com. Try AG1 and get a free 1-year supply of Vitamin D3+K2 AND 5 free AG1 Travel Packs with your first subscription at drinkAG1.com/absolutely. Visit maidenform.com and use code ABSOLUTELY20 at checkout for 20% off your first purchase. Head to https://www.squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code ABSOLUTELY. Watch new episodes of Vanderpump Villa every Monday, now on Hulu! Visit CBDistillery.com and use code ABSOLUTELY for 20% off. To explore coverage, visit ASPCAPetInsurance.com/ABSOLUTELY. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 10 Apr 2024 - 1h 15min - 271 - Ocean Spray Stans w/ Zachariah Porter
On this episode, Heather brings another fan of wigs and characters, Zachariah Porter, to the pod. They discuss their previously lives in the hospitality industry, shoplifting and celebrity sex tapes. Episode Sponsors: Watch Vanderpump Villa, premiering April 1st, only on Hulu. Download the Gametime app, create an account, and use code ABSOLUTELY for $20 off your first purchase. Get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy food at TheFarmersDog.com/ABSOLUTELY. Plus, you get free shipping. As a loyal listener, you'll get an exclusive 15% off your entire order when you use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout at lolavie.com. OneSkin is more than skin care. Get started today with 15% off using code ABSOLUTELY at oneskin.co. If you want to take ownership of your health, start with AG1. Try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D3+K2 and 5 free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase at AG1.com/absolutely. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 03 Apr 2024 - 56min - 270 - Baby Angel with Connor Wood aka Fibulaa
On this bonus episode, Heather gets to chit chat with Connor about his journey from tik tok videos to starting his stand up tour. Episode Sponsors: To explore coverage visit ASPCAPetInsurance.com/ABSOLUTELY Get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy food at TheFarmersDog.com/ABSOLUTELY. Plus, you get FREE shipping. Go to Quince.com/absolutely to get free shipping and 365-day returns. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month's subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and enter promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT. Shop poppi on Amazon for 15% off with code ABSOLUTELY15 and in retailers nationwide. As a special offer for listeners, new customers get $5 off a Lume Starter Pack with code ABSOLUTELY5 at LumeDeoderant.com Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Fri, 29 Mar 2024 - 1h 05min - 269 - Just Hannah with Hannah Berner
On this episode, Hannah Berner and Heather come together for hilarious takes on being gals in comedy, her new special taping and being high fashion girlies. They also go head to head about who has the best dead grandpa. Episode Sponsors: Visit maidenform.com and use code ABSOLUTELY20 at checkout for 20% off your first purchase. If you want to take ownership of your health, start with AG1. Try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D3+K2 and 5 free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase at AG1.com/absolutely. Watch Vanderpump Villa, premiering April 1st, only on Hulu. Head to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com/absolutely to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Wherever you’re starting, get moving with a Peloton Bike or Bike+ rental at www.onepeloton.com/bike/rentals. Terms apply. Fatty15 is on a mission to replenish your your C15 levels and restore your long-term health. You can get an additional 15% off their 90-day subscription Starter Kit by going to Fatty15.com/ABSOLUTELY and using code ABSOLUTELY at checkout. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 27 Mar 2024 - 1h 16min - 268 - Love on the Spectrum
On this episode, Heather has some very special guests in the studio. Connor and Tanner are both 25 year olds navigating love on the hit Netflix show, Love on the Spectrum. Heather also gets to have a very special chat with their moms, Lise and Nicci, about raising their kids and how life has changed post Netflix. Episode Sponsors: Take the guesswork out of buying tickets with Gametime. Download the Gametime app, create an account, and use code ABSOLUTELY for $20 off your first purchase. As a loyal listener you'll get an exclusive 15% off your entire order when you use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout at lolavie.com Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney.com/ABSOLUTELY. Shop poppi on Amazon for 15% off with code “ABSOLUTELY15” and in retailers nationwide. As a special offer for listeners, new customers get $5 off a Lame Starter Pack with code ABSOLUTELY5 at LumeDeodorant.com. Go to Quince.com/absolutely to get free shipping and 365-day returns. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 20 Mar 2024 - 1h 14min - 267 - I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!
Heather is back from Hollywood’s biggest weekend and she is giving you ALL the insider info! From 4am glam wake up calls to eating In and Out at the Vanity Fair party, our girl has taken Hollywood by storm! She goes through the DM’s and answers all your burning red carpet questions! Episode Sponsors: Try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D3+K2 AND 5 free AG1 travel packs with your first purchase at drinkAG1.com/absolutely Need to find the perfect gift? Don't panic. Try Gift Mode on Etsy now! Visit maidenform.com and use code ABSOLUTELY20 at checkout for 20% off your first purchase. Use code "ABSOLUTELY15" for 15% off on Amazon and sip the future of soda! Head to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code ABSOLUTELY. This episode is /brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/ABSOLUTELY and get on your way to being your best self. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 13 Mar 2024 - 59min - 266 - Z Packs and Upset Tummies
On this episode, Heather is back from horse country with a small sinus infection. Our girl got knocked on her butt once the z pack takes a toll on her tum tum. Did the meds think she was getting scammed by a repeat medical biller? She makes it through and finds the strength to advise on your voicemails. Indulge in affordable luxury! Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D3+K2 AND 5 free Travel Packs with your first purchase at drinkAG1.com/absolutely Get 20% OFF @honeylove by going to honeylove.com/ABSOLUTELY #honeylovepod To find Truly Hard Seltzer near you, go to trulyhardseltzer.com/locations. Truly Hard Seltzer. Keep it Light. Visit CBDistillery.com and use code ABSOLUTELY for 20% off. Wherever you’re starting, get moving with a Peloton Bike or Bike+ rental at www.onepeloton.com/bike/rentals. Terms apply. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 06 Mar 2024 - 1h 13min - 265 - Jet Lag is a Choice
Heather is back from Australia and fighting for her life to beat jet lag. She talks about her amazing adventures and the Aussie hotties but also how much she missed Robin. She ends the episode with two awesome voicemails you won’t want to miss. Episode Sponsors: Visit maidenform.com and use code ABSOLUTELY20 at checkout for 20% off your first purchase. Try G1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D3+K2 AND for a limited time you'll get 10 free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase at drinkAG1.com/absolutelynot. Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney.com/absolutely. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/ABSOLUTELY and get on your way to being your best self. Get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy food at TheFarmersDog.com/ABSOLUTELY. Plus, you get FREE shipping. Head to www.squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code ABSOLUTELY. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Fri, 01 Mar 2024 - 1h 22min - 264 - Live from Down Unda
Heather is live from Down Unda recording with a border collie at her feet as in Australia, dogs roam free. Heather talks about being a tourist in New Zealand from sight seeing to white wine for lunch. She also take your voicemails about your Aussie study abroad days, proves that digital cameras are back as well as shadowbans! Episode Sponsors: Get a taste of M. A hot new collection of craveable intimates from Maidenform, a brand with a whole lotta history. They’ve been around since the very first bras and now they’re bringing you a new kind of classic: the chicest basics you’ve ever seen. For more delicious details, check out Maidenform.com Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 21 Feb 2024 - 48min - 263 - Valentine's Day
On this special Vday episode, Heather chats about meeting Jeff all those years ago. From the early dating years to the proposal, it was never a dull moment. She also takes your special Absolutely Not Valentines Day voicemails. Episode Sponsors: Shop poppi on Amazon for 15% off with code “ABSOLUTELY15” and in retailers nationwide. Try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D3+K2 AND for a limited time you'll get 10 free AG1 Trvel Packs with your first purchase at drinkG1.com/absolutelynot Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. As a special off for listeners, new customers get 15% off ALL Lume products with our exclusive code and link - that's over 40% off their Starter Pack, too. Use code ABSOLUTELY5 for 15% off your first purchase at LumeDeoderant.com . Head over to AthenaClub.com to try their award-winning razor and body products and get 20% off your purchase with code ABSOLUTELY at checkout. Wherever you’re starting, get moving with a Peloton Bike or Bike+ rental at www.onepeloton.com/bike/rentals. Terms apply. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 14 Feb 2024 - 1h 09min - 262 - From the Club to the Carpet
On this episode, Heather brings you on her wild ride from Vegas to the Grammys. From the truly bonkers characters in Vegas to her race to make the red carpet. Heather makes it just in time for her fabulous glam team to beat the face, throw on a gown and get mic’d up for music’s biggest night! Episode Sponsors: Go to squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Treat yourself to the best bras on the market and save 20% off at honeylove.com/ABSOLUTELY. Get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy food at TheFarmersDog.com/ABSOLUTELY. To find Truly Hard Seltzer near you, go to trulyhardseltzer.com/locations. Truly Hard Seltzer. Keep it Light. Go to BlueNile.com to find the perfect piece today. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/ABSOLUTELY and get on your way to being your best self. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 07 Feb 2024 - 36min - 261 - My Mom Loves You
On this episode, Heather is back on the road. Her first shows back in 2024 were in Florida, so you know the wild ones were OUT! She then travels to Mississippi to attend the first Absolutely Not Podcast wedding. That's right - a love match from the pod to one of her oldest friends from college. While visiting Ole Miss, she finds out the moms are the true fans! Episode Sponsors: Get an exclusive 15% off your entire order when you use visit lolavie.com and use promo code ABSOLUTELY at checkout. Try AG1 and get a free 1-year supply of Vitamin D3+K2 and 5 free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase exclusively at drinkAG1.com/absolutely. To find Truly Hard Seltzer near you, go to trulyhardseltzer.com/locastions. Truly Hard Seltzer. Keep it Light. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney.com/absolutely. Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. head to squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code ABSOLUTELY. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 31 Jan 2024 - 1h 04min - 260 - Mental Load with Anjelah Johnson-Reyes
On this episode, the Absolutely Not Podcast welcomes the iconic comedian Anjelah Johnson. Anj and Heather do a deep dive on her start in the business and her journey to becoming a mom. This of course happens all while touring as a standup comedian and holding everyone else down. Sounds like someone else we all know and love! Episode Sponsors: Shop poppi on Amazon for 15% off with code "ABSOLUTELY15" and in retailers nationwide. Try AG1 and get a free 1-year supply of Vitamin D3+K2 and 5 free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase exclusively at drinkAG1.com/absolutely. SKIMS Bras are now available at SKIMS.com. Plus, get free shipping on orders over $75. Head to squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% on your first purchase of a website or domain using code ABSOLUTELY. Get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy food at TheFarmersDog.com/ABSOLUTELY. Plus, you get free shipping. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 24 Jan 2024 - 1h 16min - 259 - Red Carpet Recap
On this episode, Heather recaps the first stop on her journey to the EGOT: the Emmys red carpet. She’s running you through what it took to be a journalist on one of the biggest nights in media, then hitting the DMs to answer your questions around what it was like to rub elbows with some of her favorite people in the industry. Episode Sponsors: Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @lumedeoderant and get $5 off your Starter Pack (that's over 40% off) with promo code ABSOLUTELY5 at LumeDeoderant.com! #lumepod Watch The Trust: A Game of Greed, now streaming only on Netflix. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/ABSOLUTELY and get on your way to being your best self. To find Truly Hard Seltzer near you, go to trulyhardseltzer.com/locations. Truly Hard Seltzer. Keep it Light. Truly Hard Seltzer Beverage Company. Boston, Massachusetts. Please Drink Responsibly. Experience the ease and convenience of shopping Blue Nile today, at Blue Nile. the original online jeweler. Go to BlueNile.com to find the perfect piece today. Visit CBDistillery.com and use code ABSOLUTELY for 20% off. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 17 Jan 2024 - 58min - 258 - Sexy B*tch Energy
2024 vision board episode is here! Heather dives in on the goals for the year and lets you know the tips and tricks to a successful vision board manifestation. Get your magazines, inspirational quotes and glue stick ready, honey! She also has time for some voicemails where you all are doing the most! By the end of the episode you will be motivated and ready to bring that Gypsy Rose Energy to 2024. Episode Sponsors: Shop poppi on Amazon for 15% off with code “ABSOLUTELY” and in retailers nationwide. Try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D3+K2 and 5 free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase exclusively at drinkAG1.com/absolutely. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney.com/absolutely. Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy food at TheFarmersDog.com/absolutely. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 10 Jan 2024 - 1h 06min - 257 - New Year, Same Me
We are one earthquake and black swan event from the end, but 2024 is bringing new beginnings and an attitude of gratitude! On this episode, Heather dissects Jack Harlow lyrics, takes questions from instagram, and hears about your holiday through absolutely not voicemails. Episode Sponsors: Right now, BÉIS is offering my listeners 15% off your first purchase by visiting BEISTravel.com/ABSOLUTELY Shop poppi on Amazon for 15% off with code“ABSOLUTELY15” and in retailers nationwide. Right now, Modern Fertility is offering my listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely Head to Squarespace.com for a free trial. and when you're ready to launch go to Squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. rts with AG1. Try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D3K2 AND 5 free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase ad drinkAG1.com/absolutely. Get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy good at TheFarmersDog.com/absolutely. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 03 Jan 2024 - 1h 09min - 256 - Icons Only with Raymond Padilla
On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather is wrapping 2023 up with none other than the one and only Raymond Padilla. They’re giving you all of the roses, thorns, highs and the lows of what has been one of their wildest years yet. Episode Sponsors: Go to BEISTRAVEL.com/ABSOLUTELY for 15% off your first purchase. Go to drinkAG1.com/absolutely to get a free 1-year supply of Vitamin D3K@ and 5 free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase. To learn more about microdosing THC go to Microdose.com and use code: absolutely to get free shipping & 30% fff your first order. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/ABSOLUTELY and get on your way to being your best self. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 27 Dec 2023 - 50min - 255 - Leading the Sleigh
On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather is here to set the record straight before we finish up the holiday season. After reminding you who really gets sh*t done around here, she’s back on the hotline to address a grandpa accidentally sending porn to the whole family, a Diet Coke-shaming stewardess, and so much more. Episode Sponsors: Go to Squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch go to squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Go to drinkAG1.com/ABSOLUTELY to get a free 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 Free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase. Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Visit sharkclean.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 20% off your purchase of a Shark NeverChange Air Purifier. Get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy food plus free shipping at TheFarmersDog.com/absolutely. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 20 Dec 2023 - 1h 09min - 254 - The "Baby Shtick" with Rosebud Baker
On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather is joined by the hilarious Rosebud Baker to talk comedy, SNL, balancing it all with being a new mom, and why it’s all worth it. They're here, they’re tired, and they're still doing the most. Episode Sponsors: Go to drinkAG1.com/ABSOLUTELY to get a free 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase. Visit BetterHelp.com/ABSOLUTELY today to get 10% off your first month Right now, BÉIS is offering our listeners 15% off your first purchase by visiting BEISTRAVEL.com/ABSOLUTELY. Go to tryarmra.com/ABSOLUTELYNOT or enter ABSOLUTELYNOT to get 15% off your first order. Head to FactorMeals.com/absolutely50 and use code absolutely50 to get 50% off. Visit Sharkclean.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 20% off your purchase of the Shark NeverChange Air Purifier. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 13 Dec 2023 - 1h 07min - 253 - You've Done Enough
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is crawling out of her deathbed and fighting through the tail-end of the flu to give you your weekly dose of unsolicited advice and remind you that end of the day, you earned the right to chill the f*** out. Between getting conned out of birthday money for years and influencers risking their lives for content, it's clear that everyone has done enough. Episode Sponsors: Go to DiviOfficial.com/ABSOLUTELEY or enter ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 20% off your first order. New to Etsy? Use code HOLIDAY10 for 10% off your first purchase at Etsy.com Check out Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch go to squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy food at TheFarmersDog.com/absolutely If you want to take ownership of your health, try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase at drinkAG1.com/ABSOLUTELY. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 06 Dec 2023 - 1h 07min - 252 - Voicemail Confessions
Welcome back to the Absolutely Not broadcast, this week Heather answers your wild voicemails Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Mon, 04 Dec 2023 - 56min - 251 - Thanksgiving Unhinged
On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather's got a lot to unpack. We're talking nervous breakdowns before the holiday festivities, Scarlet taking a tumble, and that's before we even hit the hotline. This Thanksgiving brought all of the family drama and Heather brought all of the answers. Episode Sponsors: Get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy food plus FREE shipping at TheFarmersDog.com/absolutely. Try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D3K2 AND 5 free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase at drinkAG1.com/absolutely. Go to Zbiotics.com/ABSOLUTELY to get 15% off your first order when you use ABSOLUTELY at checkout. Visit Sharkclean.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 20% off your purchase of the Shark NeverChange Air Purifier. To learn more about microdosing THC go to Microdose.com and use code absolutely to get free shipping and 30% off your first order. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 29 Nov 2023 - 1h 06min - 250 - Bosom Buddies with Jane Fonda
On this episode, the iconic, fearless, bad ass Jane Fonda stops by the studio. Heather and Jane talk about her life and what it means to be a boss babe and living legend even when it seems the world is against you. Episode Sponsors: Head to squarespace.com/absolutely to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. If you want to take ownership of your health, try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase at drinkAG1.com/ABSOLUTELY. Go to diviofficial.com/ABSOLUTELY or enter ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 20% off your first order. Go to quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Go to tryarmra.com/ABSOLUTELYNOT or enter ABSOLUTELYNOT to get 15% off your first order. Exclusively for Absolutely Not listeners, Fable Pets is offering a 20% site-wide discount and up to 35% off sets at fablepets.com/absolutely Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 22 Nov 2023 - 1h 07min - 249 - Because You Need It (Bonus)
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is here to carry you through your Thanksgiving prep with the surprise bonus you need to get through the weekend. She’s jumping back into the DMs to answer all of your burning questions and give a little more unsolicited advice. Need help getting ready to deal with the family? Are you stressed because you still don't have the turkey order in yet? Wondering what Heather's "F***, Marry, Kill" is when it comes to the holiday meats? You came to the right place. Episode Sponsor: Get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy food PLUS free shipping at TheFarmersDog.com/absolutely. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Fri, 17 Nov 2023 - 55min - 248 - That's a Wrap on Special #2!
On this episode, Heather recaps the special taping in her hometown in Atlanta at the iconic Fox Theatre. However, there's no sleep over in these parts! While answering the voicemails, she talks about her time up in Athens for College Gameday and the insecurity of some men on instagram after seeing nipples on TV. Episode Sponsor: If you want to take ownership of your health, try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 Free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase at DrinkAG1.com/ABSOLUTELY Right now, Modern Fertility is offering my listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely Grab your Liquid I.V. Hydration Multiplier Sugar-Free in bulk nationwide at Costco, or you can get 20% off when you go to LiquidIV.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Find your bright spot this season, with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/absolutely to get 10% off your first month. As a special offer for listeners, new customer get $5 OFF a Lame Starter Pack with code ABSOLUTELY at LumeDeodorant.com and for a limited time return customers get $5 off their next purchase of $30 or more too! Visit sharkclean.com and use code ABSOLUTELY for 20% off your order. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 15 Nov 2023 - 1h 13min - 247 - The Golden Bachelorette with Robin McMahan
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back from an emotional rollercoaster of a weekend, and joined by everyone’s favorite diva, Robin McMahan. Heather helps her prep for a date with a silver fox in LA (which unfortunately doesn’t go down), but Robin is still here dishing all of the sage advice - both on and off the hotline. Episode Sponsors: Head to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch go to Squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code ABSOLUTELY. Go to tryarmra.com/ABSOLUTELYNOT or enter ABSOLUTELYNOT to get 15% ff your first purchase. My listeners get 15% off your first order when you use my code ABSOLUTELY at jennikayne.com Go to Zbiotics.com/ABSOLUTELY to get 15% off your first order when you use ABSOLUTELY at checkout. New to Etsy? Use the code HOLIDAY10 for ten percent off your first purchase at Etsy.com Visit sharkclean.com and use code ABSOLUTELY for 20% off your order. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 08 Nov 2023 - 1h 19min - 246 - Hot Takes in Hotlanta
On this episode, Heather reminisces about Halloween's past, early 2000's hits from 50 cent and B*Witched and other Hot Takes from yall on instagram. Then she hits the hotline to hear more of your voicemails on amazon wish lists, dog poop and gets reminded that she never sent her wedding thank you cards. Episode Sponsors: Discover new ways to shop everything, every day, at Saks.com Go to DiviOfficial.com/ABSOLUTELTY or enter ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 20% off your first order. Find your forever pieces @jennikayne and get 15% off with promo code ABSOLUTELY at jennikayne.com/ABSOLUTELY! #jennikaynepartner Exclusively for Absolutely Not listeners, Fable Pets is offering a 20% site-wide discount. Visit www.fablepets.com/Absolutely for more information. Go to Zbiotics.com/ABSOLUTELY to get 15% off your first order when you use ABSOLUTELY at checkout. Head to factormeals.com/absolutely50 and use code absolutely50 to get 50% off. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 01 Nov 2023 - 1h 09min - 245 - DO. BETTER.
On this episode, Heather gives thanks to all of you hussies who watched the special, gets brought back down to reality by Robin after being on the road for weeks and gets some unsolicited advice her DM's. Rounding out the spiral, she gets into the voicemails where one fans admits that she is also trying to do better. Episode Sponsors: Go to zbiotics.com/ABSOLUTELY to get 15% off your first order when you use ABSOLUTELY at checkout. Right now, Modern Fertility is offering my listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Discover new ways to shop for everything, every day, at Saks.com Exclusively for Absolutely Not listeners, Fable Pets is offering a 20% site-wide discount at fablepets.com/absolutely Grab your Liquid I.V. Hydration Multiplier Sugar-Free in bulk nationwide at Costco, or you can get 20% off when you go to LiquidIV.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 25 Oct 2023 - 1h 14min - 244 - Halo
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is in LA and sits down with Tina Tompkins- friends and employee number 2 at Absolutely Not Productions. Heather finds out a wedding secret Christina has been keeping from her, they gossip about their trip back to Ole Miss and respond to the newest set of wild voicemails. Episode Sponsors: Head to Squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code ABSOLUTELY If you want to take ownership of your health, try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 Free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase at DrinkAG1.com/ABSOLUTELY Believe the the hype - SKIMS has over 100,000 five star reviews for a reason. The Fits Everybody collection and more perfect fit essentials are available now at SKIMS.com Discover new ways to shop for everything, every day, at Saks.com Exclusively for Absolutely Not listeners, Fable Pets is offering a 20% site-wide discount. Visit fablepets.com/absolutely for more information. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Thu, 19 Oct 2023 - 1h 21min - 243 - The Falcon
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back from Italy, and spilling the tea on what it’s like to be on vacation alone with Jeff, where she’s retiring, and the truth behind going to sporting events in Italy, She’s full of wine, and still full of shit! Episode Sponsors: Shop all my favorites at loveamika.com/ABSOLUTELY and get 20% off your order. If you want to take ownership of your health, try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 Free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase at DrinkAG1.com/ABSOLUTELY Next time you’re thinking of celebrating a special moment in your life, remember that your natural diamond also protects vulnerable wildlife species and brings prosperity to many less fortunate communities around the world. Learn more at naturaldiamonds.com This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/ABSOLUTELY and get on your way to being your best self. As a special offer for listeners, new customer get $5 OFF a Lame Starter Pack with code ABSOLUTELY at LumeDeodorant.com Discover new ways to shop for everything, every day, at Saks.com Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 11 Oct 2023 - 1h 20min - 242 - Your Rich BFF with Vivian Tu
Your favorite Wall Street girlie, Vivian Tu, is on the podcast to teach you everything about how to make money, how to keep it, and how to make more. New money b*tches - this one’s for you. Episode Sponsors: Check out Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch go to Squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Right now, Modern Fertility is offering my listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely Catch new episodes of The Kardashians on Thursdays, streaming only on Hulu. Treat yourself to the best shape wear on the market and save 20% off at honeylove.com/absolutely Discover new ways to shop for everything, every day, at Saks.com Shop all my favorites at loveamika.com/ABSOLUTELY and get 20% off your order. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 04 Oct 2023 - 1h 07min - 241 - It Doesn't Take a Village
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is reporting live from Canal Street after yet another wild leg of the tour. There must have been something in the water because the weekend had everything including a 12-year-old popping up at a show, strip teases, and an episode of cops (but in real life), and that's only the beginning. Judging by the Absolutely Not-Line it looks like everyone else's weekend was just as unhinged. Episode Sponsors: Shop all my favorites at loveamika.com/ABSOLUTELY and get 20% off your order. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering is offering my listeners $10 off your first month's subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutafol.com and enter the promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @lumedeodorant and get $5 off of your Starter Pack (that's over 40% off) with promo code [ABSOLUTELY] at lumepodcast.com Discover new ways to shop for everything, every day, at Saks.com Treat yourself to the best shapewear on the market and save 20% Off at honeylove.com/ABSOLUTELY Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 27 Sep 2023 - 1h 05min - 240 - Shakin' T*ts for Cash on Netflix
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is finally able to make a HUGE announcement: she’s coming to Netflix baby! That’s right, her new comedy special, The Son I Never Had, is coming to a couch near you on October 17th. In the midst of the celebration she’s still taking time to hit the Absolutely Not Line to show some much-needed love to the theaters teachers, draw the hard line between making new friends and borderline stalking, and whether or not you should shoot your shot at a new sky boo. Episode Sponsors: Shop all my favorites at loveamika.com/ABSOLUTELY and get 20% off your order. Head to Squarespace.com/absolutely to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domaine using code ABSOLUTELY Visit in-store or online at Brooklinen.com and use code absolutelysnot for $20 off your online order of $100 or more. Try AG1 and get a free 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 Free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase at drinkag1.com/absolutely This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhep.com/ABSOLUTELY and get on your way of being your best self. Get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy food at TheFarmersDog.com/absolutely Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 20 Sep 2023 - 59min - 239 - "F*ck Season" with Jared Freid
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast - Heather is back with friend of the pod, Jared Freid. They talk about his hilarious new Netflix special, 37 and Single, and Jared gives some sage dating advice on the proper way to hook your friends up, the best time of day to go out and find the right guy and more to get you prepped for the season. Episode Sponsors: Right now, BÉIS is offering my listeners 15% off your first purchase by visiting BEISTRAVEL.com/absolutely Right now, Modern Fertility is offering my listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely Try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 Free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase at drinkAG1.com/ABSOLUTELY The Fits Everybody collection and more perfect-fit essentials are available now at SKIMS.com. Plus, get free shipping on orders over $75. Get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy food plus free shipping at TheFarmersDog.com/absolutely Shop all my favorites at loveamika.com/ABSOLUTELY and get 20% off your order. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 13 Sep 2023 - 1h 04min - 238 - Hot Takes with Heather
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather's jumps into the Instagram DMs to answer your burning questions, and talk through a dab of trauma. She also hits the hotline to prove once again that she may not always have the answers, but she'll always figure it out. Episode Sponsors: Head to Squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code ABSOLUTELY. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering my listeners ten dollars off your first month's subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT. Visit DelolaLife.com to find a store near you that carries Della and follow @Deolola on instagram to learn more. Download the Drizly app or go to Drizly.com and use code ABSOLUTELY to receive $5 off or $0 delivery fee off your next order. Get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy food at TheFarmersDog.com/absolutely, plus, you get FREE shipping. Treat yourself to the best shapewear on the market and save 20% off at honeylove.com/absolutely Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 06 Sep 2023 - 1h 12min - 237 - JACQUELINE & The Wiener Circle
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is home from her Tour-de-America. Her feet may be swollen, but she's got a real pep in her step after being dressed down by a large woman selling Wiener's in Chicago. She hits the hotline to answer questions like "what to do if you find out your mother-in-law has an alter ego in the bedroom?" and how to fall out of love with your Catholic priest. Episode Sponsors: If you want to take ownership of your health, try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 Free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase at drinkAG1.com/ABSOLUTELY Right now, Ibotta is offering our listeners $5 just for trying Ibotta by using the code absolutely when you register. Just go to the App Store or Google Play store and download the FREE Ibotta app and use code absolutely. Download the Drizly app or go to Drizly.com and use code ABSOLUTELY to receive $5 off or $0 delivery fee off your next order. Get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy food plus free shipping at TheFarmersDog.com/absolutely Right now, modern Fertility is offering my listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely Right now, BÉIS is offering my listeners 15% off your first purchase by visiting BEISTRAVEL.com/absolutely Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 30 Aug 2023 - 1h 17min - 236 - Viva Las Vegas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is fresh off of surviving the usual Vegas madness during her stop at Wynn, and back in the LA studio to do the work right after surviving Hurricane Hilary. She may or may not be spiraling, but that doesn't stop her from hitting the Absolutely-Not-Line to discuss how let your setbacks be the setup for a comeback, why it just might be time to get a job at SpaceX, and the art of restaurant gaslighting. Episode Sponsors: Right now, BÉIS is offering my listeners 15% off your first purchase by visiting BEISTRAVEL.com/absolutely The perfect time to upgrade your sleep routine is now! Shop 15% off in-store at Brooklinen.com Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely Head to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, go to Squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Order now for stress-free back-to-school shopping! Use promo code absolutely to get 50% off (up to $10 value) when you spend $15 or more at convenience, grocery or retail stores on DoorDash. Upgrade your closet this summer with Quince. Right now, to go Quince.com/absolutely to get free shipping and 365-day returns on your next order. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 23 Aug 2023 - 1h 14min - 235 - Imma Go Eat
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather shares a personal idea she's been tinkering with for a minute, that will set your ovaries on fire. She hits the Absolutely-Not-Line to discuss How to treat your elders, the ultimate fighting technique and why dudes everywhere are communicating via android and walking around naked in their homes. But in the meantime... "Imma go Eat!" Episode Sponsors: Get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy food at TheFarmersDog.com/absolutely. Plus, you get FREE shipping! If you want to take ownership of your health, try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 Free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase at drinkAG1.com/ABSOLUTELY Download the Drizly app or go to Drizly.com and use code ABSOLUTELY to receive $5 off or $0 delivery fee* off your next order. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at BetterHelp.com/ABSOLUTELY and get on your way to being your best self. As a special offer for listeners, new customers get $5 off a Lume Starter Pack with code ABSOLUTELY at LumeDeodorant.com Treat yourself to the best shape wear on the market and save 20% Off at honeylove.com/ABSO See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 16 Aug 2023 - 1h 04min - 234 - Sky High with The Points Guy, Brian Kelly
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather sits down with her dear friend, Brian Kelly AKA The Points Guy, to talk everything from the surrogate journey and being a dad, to the truth about being a boss, and how to finesse those sky miles and credit card points. Episode Sponsors: Take the first step to visibly thicker, healthier hair. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering my listeners ten dollars off your first month's subscription and free shipping when you to Nutrafol.com and use the promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT. Right now, Ibotta is offering our my listeners $5 just for trying Ibotta by using the code absolutely when you register. Just go to the App Store or Google Play store and download the FREE Ibotta app and use code absolutely. Order now for stress-free back-to-school shopping! Use promo code absolutely to get 50% off up to $10 value, when you spend $15 or more at convenience, grocery or retail stores on DoorDash Head to Squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code ABSOLUTELY The Fits Everybody collection and more perfect-fit essentials are available now at SKIMS.com. Plus, get free shipping on orders over $75. After you place your order, be sure to let them know I sent you! Select "podcast" in the survey and be sure to select my show in the dropdown menu that follows. Visit DelolaLife.com to find a store near you that carries Della and follow @Delola on instagram to learn more! Please enjoy responsibly. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 09 Aug 2023 - 1h 04min - 233 - Suffer in Silence
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather discusses how the Aliens have arrived, why summer reading was absolute bullshit, why women tennis players need more money and really rounds it out answering your Voicemails about life. We have a caller let us know her husband asks for sex at the most inopportune times, but don't worry, we will beat him at his own game, literally! Episode Sponsors: Right now, Ibotta is offering my listeners $5 just for trying Ibotta by using the code absolutely when you register. Get $20 off your fertility test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely Right now, BÉIS is offering my listeners 15% off your first purchase when you go to BeisTravel.com/absolutely Visit DelolaLife.com to find a store near you that carries Della and follow @Delola on instagram to learn more. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 02 Aug 2023 - 1h 05min - 232 - Full Circle & Full Sweat in Firenze
On this episode the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather is back from her whirlwind week abroad after stalking down Harry Styles in italy. She sweat it out in the bathrooms at the Firenze Outlets, ate her weight in salami and handed out band aids to the youth at the music festival. SHE'S BACK BABY!!!! Episode Sponsors: If you want to take ownership of your health, try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 Free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase at DrinkAG1.com/absolutely Switch to the better razor and show your skin you care with Athena Club! Get started today by shopping in-store at Target stores nationwide - just head to the shaving aisle to find the Razor Kit, Cloud Shave Foam, Wax Strips, and Razor Refills. Order now for stress-free back-to-school shopping! Use promo code absolutely to get 50% off up to $10 value, when you spend $15 or more at convenience, grocery or retail stores on DoorDash. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at BetterHelp.com/absolutely and get on your way to being your best self. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 26 Jul 2023 - 1h 04min - 231 - "Wear the Linen" with Robin McMahan
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather catches up with the queen of ADHD herself, Robin McMahan, her mother. They discuss goals, linen, and how to get back at your ex. Robin bitches and complains that Heather is being a brat, and Heather tries to explain to Robin she needs to drink more water! Never a dull moment with the boomers! Episode Sponsors: Check out Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch go to Squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10%off your first purchase of a website or domain. Take the first step to visibly thicker, healthier hair. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering my listeners ten dollars off your first month's subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and ender promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT Right now, Ibotta is offering my listeners $5 just for trying Ibotta by using the code absolutely when you register. Just go to the App Store or Google Play store and download the FREE Ibotta app and use code absolutely. This episode is sponsored by/brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/ABSOLUTELY and get on your way to being your best self. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 19 Jul 2023 - 1h 03min - 230 - Marine Layer
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is back from a trip in frigid cold California with a sweaty undercarriage and anxiety to boot! Mercury must be in retrograde because technology is failing us and the voicemails on the Absolutely Not line were insane! One woman is getting scammed on a wedding registry while another is getting pranked by members of One Direction! Episode Sponsors: If you want to take ownership of your health, try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase at DrinkAG1.com/ABSOLUTELY Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @lumedeoderant and get $5 off your Starter Pack (that's over 40% off) with promo code ABSOLUTELY at lumedeoderant.com/a/ABSOLUTELY! #lumepod Right now, BÉIS (base) is offering our listeners 15% off your first purchase by visiting BEISTRAVEL.com/absolutely Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Fri, 14 Jul 2023 - 1h 13min - 229 - "We'll Figure it Out" with Logan Crosby
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather interviews rising country music star, Logan Crosby. They discuss what it takes to write a country song, how to become a star and Logan confesses his affection for older women. Thats right lady- He's a cutie with a soulful voice looking for a lady who know's how to make a pie and do her own taxes. PURRRRRRRR. Logan is such a delight and has Heatherrolling with laughter as they attempt to write to Bangers, that are sure to hit the top 10 charts! Episode Sponsor: Check out Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to www.squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.” Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 05 Jul 2023 - 1h 02min - 228 - And We're Having So Much Summer Fun
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is speedballing on a steroid pack post being humbled in the Hampton's and getting Rejected-then accepted at the most exclusive club on a pond in Montauk. She hangout with cool German porn stars and a chick with a lazy eye! So much fun in the cool kids club!! Heather also hits the "Absolutely NOT line" and answers questions about what to do if you know your gynecologists from High School, should you be upset if your ex rebound with an old broad and how to get your DONG pounced on! That and so much more! Episode Sponsors: If you want to take ownership of your health, try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 Free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase at drinkAG1.com/ABSOLUTELY Switch to the better razor and show your skin you care with Athena Club. Get started with Athena Club today by shopping in-store at Target nationwide. Try 21Seeds Infused Tequila for easy & delicious cocktails! Visit 21seeds.com to find 21Seeds near you. Enjoy Responsibly. 21Seeds. Diageo, New York, NY. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 28 Jun 2023 - 1h 04min - 227 - "Quiet Luxury" with Cammy Miller
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is fresh off the high and the hangover of her Radio City Performance- there was an epic afterparty and the next day was even wilder. Heather headed to the Hamptons post-show for some R+R but quickly realized its a scam out EAST! She brings on her travel buddy, co-founder of her favorite brand, Show Me Your Mumu, Cammy Miller. They discuss ZILLENIALS, QUIET LUXURY and why you couldn't pay either of them 250k to go check out the Titanic. Episode Sponsors: New to Etsy? Use the code NEW for ten percent off your first purchase. Maximum discount value of fifty dollars. Offer ends June 30th, 2023. See terms at Etsy dot com slash terms. For home, style, and gifts shop Etsy.com. Etsy has it! Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Fri, 23 Jun 2023 - 1h 00min - 226 - Road to Radio City
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather shares the excitement, joy and fear she has rolling into one of the biggest nights of her life- Playing Radio City Music Hall. She takes a stroll down memory lane, and recalls the last time she attended a show there, Jeff had Diarrhea the whole time! FUN FOR EVERYONE!!! She also hits the Absolutely Not line- and answers loads of questions like "is too much CBD technically drugs?. How do I work a google cal? and Beyhive dick in Europe is it a yay or nay? Episode Sponsors: If you want to take ownership of your health, try AH1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 free AG1 travel packs with your first purchase at DrinkAG1.com/ABSOLUTELY You can grow thicker, healthier hair AND support our show by going to Nutrafol.com and entering the promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT to save ten dollars off your first month’s subscription –this offer is only available to US customers for a limited time. Try 21Seeds Infused Tequila for easy & delicious cocktails! Visit 21seeds.com to find 21Seeds near you. Enjoy Responsibly. 21Seeds. Diageo, New York, NY. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 14 Jun 2023 - 57min - 225 - Baby D'Angelo
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back from her shows in Dallas with a hangover and general marital agitation. She is trying to save her Jute rugs from being destroyed by Mac, while also trying to train Jeff. She hits the hotline to answer questions such as "What if I called a man I slept with, Orzo?" And "how should I feel If a stripper had the same perfume as me?" That and more! Episode Sponsors: Head to Squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @lumedeoderant and get $5 off of your Starter Pack (that's over 40% off) with promo code ABSOLUTELY at LumeDeoderant.com/ABSOLUTELY Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 07 Jun 2023 - 1h 08min - 224 - Tour of Trauma
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather breaks down her weekend in the NATH EAST. She describes the absolute savage tour Robin took her on around Bahstan's Lil Italy, and how she would leave Jeff for a union theater guy in a heartbeat. She has been on the hot trail of Taylor Swift and wants no drama from the fans. She also hits the hotline for some outrageous Voicemails. Episode Sponsors: If you're looking for an easier way to take supplements, Athletic Greens is giving you a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/ABSOLUTELY. The world’s most famous matriarchy is back for the most intimate look yet inside the family empire. Don’t miss season 3 of The Kardashians, new episodes Thursdays, only on Hulu. Get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy food at TheFarmersDog.com/ABSOLUTELY. Plus, you get FREE shipping. New to Etsy? Use the code NEW for ten percent off your first purchase. Maximum discount value of fifty dollars. Offer ends June 30th, 2023. For home, style, and gifts shop Etsy.com. Etsy has it! Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 31 May 2023 - 56min - 223 - "Is She Good?" - With guest, Adam Ray
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather sits down with friend and hilarious comedian, Adam Ray. They discuss how they both got their start in Show biz in the 6th grade because they we're chubby children. Take a walk down memory lane- to remember the good ole' days of high School theater and frat/sorority life. Discuss how a good chicken salad sammie will make you want to sit on someone's face and how much they love to feel pure joy with their dogs. To celebrate May, Mental Health Awareness Month, and to celebrate every step you take towards a better, richer, fuller life, Talkspace is offering every listener of this podcast $100 off your first month with Talkspace. Just go to Talkspace.com/ABSOLUTELY If you're looking for an easier way to take supplements, Athletic Greens is giving you a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/ABSOLUTELY Angie’s BOOMCHICKAPOP popcorn brings you a BOOM of bold, craveable flavorthat you can enjoy at any time, on any occasion –whether you're on the go or unwinding at home. You can try Angie’s BOOMCHICKAPOP for yourself by visiting www.boomchickapop.com Try 21Seeds Infused Tequila for easy & delicious cocktails! Visit 21seeds.com to find 21Seeds near you. Enjoy Responsibly. 21Seeds. Diageo, New York, NY. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 24 May 2023 - 1h 32min - 222 - A Pittsburgh Prize
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather's back is out but her attitude has returned. She's learning hard lessons like "everyone's an asshole", "if you dont have a core, you're body will shut down" and "Dont get stabbed in Pittsburgh"- She hits the hotline to try to make sense of why dentists ask you questions with their hands in your mouth and more! Episode Sponsors: Grab your Liquid I.V. in bulknation wide at Costco, or you can get 20% off when you go to LIQUIDIV.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout. Check out squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Angie’s BOOMCHICKAPOP popcorn brings you a BOOM of bold, craveable flavor that you can enjoy at any time, on any occasion. You can try Angie’s BOOMCHICKAPOP for yourself by visiting www.boomchickapop.com Get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy food at TheFarmersDog.com/ABSOLUTELY Plus, you get free shipping. As a special offer for listeners, new customers get $5 off a Lame Starter Pack with code ABSOLUTELY at LumeDeoderant.com Your Memorial Day Sale is coming soon! Shop 20% off in-store or online at Brooklinen.com Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 17 May 2023 - 1h 01min - 221 - What Would You Do? with Jordana Abraham & Jared Fried
On this bonus episode of the Absolutely Not podcast- Heather sits down with Jordana and Jared, hosts of the "U Up?" podcast, to talk about why couples pranks might be the worst side of TikTok, teach Jared maybe too much about feminine hygiene, and break down everything from relationships to why it just might be too late to save the turtles. Episode Sponsors: Shop jackets, jewelry, furniture, art, and more, made for all budgets and any occasion on Etsy. New to Etsy? Use the code NEW for 10% off your first purchase. If you're looking for an easier way to take supplements, Athletic Greens is giving you a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/ABSOLUTELY Angie’s BOOMCHICKAPOP popcorn brings you a BOOM of bold, craveable flavorthat you can enjoy at any time, on any occasion –whether you're on the go or unwinding at home. You can try Angie’s BOOMCHICKAPOP for yourself by visiting www.boomchickapop.com Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Sat, 13 May 2023 - 55min - 220 - Surprise Swingers
On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast- Heather hits the hotline and answers your voicemails about the thrills of becoming a regular at a bar, how cheering on the elderly should be a regular thing, what to do if there is a kids gifts registry for a bday party and should you break up with someone if they take you to a swingers party? She’s helping one listener at a time and questioning her own existence as to why she doesn't have a live-in hibachi chef. Episode Sponsors: If you're looking for an easier way to take supplements, Athletic Greens is giving you a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/ABSOLUTELY To celebrate May, Mental Health Awareness Month, and to celebrate every step you take towards a better, richer, fuller life, Talkspace is offering every listener of this podcast $100 off your first month with Talkspace. Just go to Talkspace.com/ABSOLUTELY You can grow thicker, healthier hair AND support our show by going to Nutrafol.com and entering the promo code ABSOLUTELY to save ten dollars off your first month’s subscription – this offer is only available to US customers for a limited time. Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely. That means your test will cost $159, which is a fraction of what it would cost at a fertility clinic. Try 21Seeds Infused Tequila for easy & delicious cocktails! Visit 21seeds.com to find 21Seeds near you. Enjoy Responsibly. 21Seeds. Diageo, New York, NY. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 10 May 2023 - 58min - 219 - Joy Ride to the ATM
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather breaks down the details of the insane predicament she found herself in, at the Memphis airport, ran into a couple Lasso kids in Texas and was slinging art in Mississippi for Robin like drug dealer from the 80's. That and more! Episode Sponsors: Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% on your first purchase of a website or domain. Go to Zocdoc.com/absolutely and download the Zocdoc app or FREE. Then find and book a top-rated doctor today. Many are available within 24 hours. Angie's BOOMCHICKAPOP popcorns brings you a BOOM of bold, craveable flavor that you can enjoy at any time, on any occasion. You can try Angie's BOOMCHICKAPOP for yourself by visiting www.boomchickapop.com It's golf. It's not golf. It's Topgolf. Pro-tip, download the app & book ahead of time to Come Play Around on Half-Price Tuesday or any other day! Get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy food at TheFarmersDog.com/ABSOLUTELY plus, you get FREE shipping! Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 03 May 2023 - 1h 01min - 218 - NYC SCAR TISSUE
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather and Jeff are taking a walk down memory lane in their old neighborhood. They have some advice for the Rat Czar of the city and take you behind the scenes of what a VIP experience at the Garden has in store for the local celebs. A Homeless man calls Heather a lesbian, and so so much more! Episode Sponsors: If you're looking for an easier way to take supplements, Athletic Greens is giving you a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/ABSOLUTELY It’s golf. It’s not golf. It’s Topgolf. Pro-tip, download the app & book ahead of time to Come Play Around on Half-Price Tuesday, or any other day! Try 21Seeds Infused Tequila for easy & delicious cocktails! Visit 21seeds.com to find 21Seeds near you. Enjoy Responsibly. 21Seeds. Diageo, New York, NY. Angie’s BOOMCHICKAPOP is perfect for when I want a bold snack with a BOOM of flavor while unwinding at the end of the day. You can try Angie’s BOOMCHICKAPOP for yourself by visiting www.boomchickapop.com Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 26 Apr 2023 - 1h 06min - 217 - MASTER SCAMMERS PART 2 with Raymond Padilla
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather sits down with the ultimate SCAMMMMER, Ray, to discuss how they scammed their way into the masters, yet again. It is an in-depth observation into the golf world that rarely few people get to see. They are honest and raw about how much merch they bought, how swollen their feet were and how many azaleas they really drank! Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Episode Sponsors: Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. For a limited time, get $20 off plus shipping on orders of $100+ with code absolutelynot at Brooklinen.com Right now, Modern Fertility is offering my listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely Crush your cravings with a variety of delicious ready-to-eat popcorn that's always gluten free, whole grain and non-GMO. You can try Angie's BOOMCHICKAPOP for yourself by visiting www.boomchickapop.com If you're looking for an easier way to take supplements, Athletic Greens if giving you a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/ABSOLUTELY Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 19 Apr 2023 - 52min - 216 - The Holy Trinity
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is fresh from her trip to Augusta with a new business idea that will take doggy day cares, water parks, and sushi restaurants to the next level. She hits the Absolutely Not Line to discuss sister fights, being hungover and how we need to rephrase the term "were trying". She's back on the road and saltier than ever! Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Episode Sponsors: Athletic Greens is giving you a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs with your fist purchase at athleticgreens.com/absolutely Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then find and book atop-rated doctor today. For listeners of the show, Dips is offering an extended 30-day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/absolutely You can grow thicker, healthier hair AND support the show by going to Nutrafol.com and entering the promo code ABSOLUTELY to save ten dollars off your first month's subscription - this offer is only available to US customers for a limited time. Angie’s BOOMCHICKAPOP popcorn brings you a BOOM of bold, craveable flavor that you can enjoy at any time, on any occasion. You can try Angie's BOOMCHICKAPOP for yourself by visiting www.boomchickapop.com Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 12 Apr 2023 - 1h 06min - 215 - F.A.A.F.O.
On this bonus episode of the Absolutely Not podcast- Heather is back in the DMs answering your hard-hitting questions from how to deal with fuckboys and HOA drama to what she'd want to be reincarnated as in the next life. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Episode Sponsor: Angie’s BOOMCHICKAPOP popcorn brings you a BOOM of bold, craveable flavorthat you can enjoy at any time, on any occasion –whether you're on the go or unwinding at home. You can try Angie’s BOOMCHICKAPOP for yourself by visiting www.boomchickapop.com Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Fri, 07 Apr 2023 - 49min - 214 - Fiesta Time
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back from a weekend of shows in the Lonestar state and wants everyone to know she has figured out the answer to world peace- a simple San Antonio Fiesta. Slap a little Barbacoa on a shell and sit down with your neighbor- its that simple- actually she is on the verge of a full nervous breakdown and becomes so completely unhinged she needs to call into her own HOT LINE. She explains the new viral sensation, "Yummy Water", refreshes everyone on airplane etiquette and believes Gwenyth was innocent. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Episode Sponsors: Grab your Liquid I.V. in bulk nationwide at Costco, or you can get 20% off when you go to LIQUIDIV.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout. Check out squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.” As a listener of this podcast, you’ll get $100 off of your first month with Talkspace when you go to Talkspace.com/ABSOLUTELY You can try Angie’s BOOMCHICKAPOP for yourself by visiting www.boomchickapop.com It’s golf. It’s not golf. It’s Topgolf. Download the app, book a bay and Come Play Around. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 05 Apr 2023 - 1h 10min - 213 - Tennessee Whiskey
On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather is back from her weekend of shows at the Ryman where she set the fire alarm off in the middle of a tropical storm on Broadway! She hits the hotline and answers questions like “how does one get pink eye on a solo self care trip?” And “should we ban bachelorettes?” Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Sponsors: Right now, Modern Fertility is offering my listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely. Prose is the key to achieving all your hair goals this year. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today at Prose.com/absolutely. For a limited time, Starface is offering all Absolutely Not listeners free shipping on your first Micro-Cloud order. Just enter the promo code Absolutely at checkout at Starface.world. Go to HelloFresh.com/absolutely60 and use code absolutely60 for 60% off plus free shipping. Grab your Liquid I.V. in bulk nationwide at Costco, or you can get 20% off when you go to LIQUIDIV.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 29 Mar 2023 - 1h 06min - 212 - BOTTOMLESS CHIPS BITCH
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather is keeping it 100% that some days you just need to get into the back corner of your closet, suck on a J Crew sweater and scream. She's fresh from the road and trying to find the balance of staying uber professional and honestly, just not giving AF! The Voicemails are insane but also a fresh reminder to have manners at a theater, you dont get free refills in New York- and if you were fighting for your life as a kid in basic reading classes- what were you even doing? Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trail, and when you're ready to launch, use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. You can grow thicker, healthier hair AND support the show by going to Nutrafol.com and entering the promo code ABSOLUTELY to save fifteen dollars off your first month's subscription. For a limited time, Scarface is offering all Absolutely Not listeners free shipping on your first Micro-Cloud order. Just enter promo code Absolutely at checkout at Starface.world Athletic Greens is giving you a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/ABSOLUTELY Angie's BOOMCHICKAPOP popcorn brings you a BOOM of bold, craveable flavor that you can enjoy at any time, on any occasion. You can try for yourself by visiting www.boomchickapop.com Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Fri, 24 Mar 2023 - 1h 21min - 211 - Lobster Zaddy
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather is fresh off her shows in New England and ready to buy a house next to the Bush family on the beach. She felt the cool crisp seabreeze across her tits and its reinvigorated her to take on turning 36 with gusto! She makes a list of all of the things she still wants to do before 40 and it turns out its just two things. She also hits the hotline and answers your questions like "do you want my grandma" and "why did a woman in florida try and break into my hotel". Its Heather's birthday episode and she is just getting the party started! Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. If you're looking for an easier way to take supplements, Athletic Greens is going to give you a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs at AthleticGreens.com/ABSOLUTELY Let Dipsea be your go-to place to spice up your me-time, explore your fantasies, relax and unwind, or heat things up with a partner. Get an extended 30-day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/absolutely It's golf. It's not golf. It's Topgolf. Download the app, book a bay and Come Play Around. Angie's BOOMCHICKAPOP popcorn brings you a BOOM of bold, craveable flavor that you can entry at any time, on any occasion. You can try for yourself by visiting www.boomchickapop.com Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 15 Mar 2023 - 1h 14min - 210 - White House Riff Raff
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back from serving her country by performing comedy for drunk white women. Not only did she get to visit the white house, but bamboozled her way into the hearts of the national press and will never have to worry about unflattering TMZ photos ever again. She also hits the hotline and tries to make sense of why women can't open marinara jars and how do we stop our elderly mothers from getting swindled by ex-cons. That and more! Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. As a listener of this podcast, you'll get $100 off your first month with Talkspace when you go to Talkspace.com/ABSOLUTELY Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then find and book a top-rated doctor today. Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely Angie's Boomchickapop brings you a boom of bold, craveable flavor. Try for yourself by visiting www.boomchickapop.com Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Thu, 09 Mar 2023 - 1h 02min - 209 - She.E.O. with Raymond Padilla
On this bonus episode of the Absolutely Not podcast- Heather is back in the studio with friend of the pod, Raymond Padilla, to talk what they're giving up for lent, Ray getting high on THC drinks and channel their inner Bone Thugs-N-Harmony. Then they hit the Instagram DMs for some listener Q&A. Episode Sponsor: Angie’s BOOMCHICKAPOP popcorn brings you a BOOM of bold, craveable flavorthat you can enjoy at any time, on any occasion. You can try Angie’s BOOMCHICKAPOP for yourself by visiting www.boomchickapop.com Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Fri, 03 Mar 2023 - 47min - 208 - Insanity Mode
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast - Heather is fresh from the Philly show where she may or may not have gotten in trouble for being a little too honest with the sports takes a little too soon. She got cookies hand-delivered to the stage by one of her favorite chefs, and later it almost got sticky for everyone at the Ritz-Carlton Club. Heather also hits the Absolutely Not line to discuss Uber drivers doing too much, when to die with the lie, and doubling down on some get back for one of last week’s callers. Episode Sponsors: Grab your Liquid I.V. in bulk nationwide at Costco or you can get 20% off when you go to LIQUIDIV.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout. Athletic Greens is giving you a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/ABSOLUTELY. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today at Prose.com/absolutely. Go to HelloFresh.com/absolutely65 and use code absolutely65 for 65% off plus free shipping. Try Angie's BOOMCHICKAPOP for yourself by visiting www.boomchickapop.com Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 01 Mar 2023 - 59min - 207 - LAST OF THE LITTER BABY
On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast- Heather introduces her new little nugget Macaroni to the world with a real attitude. Heather is coming in hot because she already knows some woman named Willow is gonna bitch that she didn't rescue- but the defense will rest that she freaking TRIED! Heather also hits the Absolutely Not line to answer questions like- "what to do if you get a pube stuck in your throat?" to "why did my boyfriend break up with me after he found out I have an incurable disease?" Were solving the world's problems one voicemail at a time! Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use OFFER CODE:ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Starface is offering all Absolutely Not listeners free shipping on your first Micro-Cloud order. Just enter the promo code Absolutely at checkout at starface.world Don’t sleep on savings. Brooklinen’s President’s Day Sale is happening now. Listening after the sale? Get the deals of your dreams at Brooklinen.com with promo code absolutelynot You can grow thicker, healthier hair AND support the show by going to Nutrafol.com and entering the promo code ABSOLUTELY to save fifteen dollars off your first month’s subscription Athletic Greens is giving you a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/absolutely Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 22 Feb 2023 - 56min - 206 - Security Breach
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is back from a weekend sling jokes in the midwest! She saw a woman smoke a blunt while buying Zyrtec, ate some pasta in Ohio, and had a lovely gal sneak into her dressing room in indiana! I FOUND YOU!!! If the midwest doesn't keep you on your toes, well then hell, nothing will! She hits the Absolutely Not line to learn about the beef between Iowa and Indiana and has a moment of self reflection. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. For a limited time, Starface is offering all Absolutely Not listeners free shipping on your first Micro-Cloud order. Just enter the promo code Absolutely at Starface.world Athletic Greens is giving you a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/absolutely Right now, Modern Fertility is offering my listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely For listeners of the show, Dipsea is offering an extended 30-day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/absolutely Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then find and book a top-rated doctor today. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 15 Feb 2023 - 1h 03min - 205 - "Year of the Rabbit" with Christina Tompkins
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is sitting down with business gal and bff, Christina Tompkins- also know as TINA! They are reporting live from the turks and caicos on a very important Business trip, or at least that's what the accountant told them to say it was. They cover everything from vacation enemies, Robin's cough, what to look for in a man and a primary care physician. They solve to world one problem at a time, why? Because it's the year of the Rabbit! Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then find and book a top-rated doctor today As a listener of this podcast, you’ll get $100 off of your first month with Talkspace when you go to Talkspace.com/ABSOLUTELY Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 08 Feb 2023 - 1h 12min - 204 - Pink Tree Problems
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast - Heather is home from a wild weekend of shows in Augusta and Charleston. A woman tried to sit in Jeff's lap, she found a scammer at a hotel valet in Augusta and her to-do list is too long but she's keeping the attitude fresh.... until she fights with a crazy woman who is calls into the hotline to justify keeping her christmas tree up all year. ABSOLUTELY NOT. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. For a limited time, Starface is offering all Absolutely Not listeners free shipping on your first Micro-Cloud order. Just enter the promo code Absolutely at checkout at Starface.world For listeners of the show, Dips is offering an extended 30-day free trail when you go to DipseaStories.com/absolutely Grab your Liquid I.V.in bulk nationwide at Costco, or you can get 20% off when you go to LiquidIV.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout Go to HelloFresh.com/absolutely21 and use code absolutely21 for 21 free meals plus free shipping Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 01 Feb 2023 - 1h 01min - 203 - Red Delicious
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back from Texas with cedar fever and some new boots. She is taking a quick breath before she is back on the road again this weekend to listen to your insane voicemails. One girl is starting a business and another is hooking up with a Bouncer who threw her out. It's a wild ride and we're leaving no stone unturned. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. For a limited time, Starface is offering all Absolutely Not listeners freeshipping on your first Micro-Cloud order. Just enter the promo code Absolutely at checkout at Starface.world Athletic Greens is giving you a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/ABSOLUTELY You can grow thicker, healthier hair AND support the show by going to Nutrafol.com and entering the promo code ABSOLUTELY to save fifteen dollars off your first month’s subscription It’s the time to treat yourself this New Year. Go to printfresh.com/ABSOLUTELYNOT or use code ABSOLUTELYNOT for 15% off your first order Right now, Modern Fertility is offering my listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 25 Jan 2023 - 1h 11min - 202 - It's About the Journey
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is reporting live, from Austin,Texas! She narrowly made it to her hotel after riding in a maroon escalade with a drug dealer named Charlie, but is staying positive and looking at the brighter side of life. She got into a soft encounter with a woman doused in Aussie mouse and a man making 10 million dollar deals on the tarmac. She also hits the Absolutely NOT line to discuss y'all's bullshit too. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Check out squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. For a limited time, Brooklinen is offering 15% off comforters. Listening after the sale? Visit Brooklinen.com today and use code absolutelynot for $20 off plus free shipping. Visit www.californiaprunes.org for recipes, and be sure to look for California prunes at your favorite supermarket or specialty shop. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today at Prose.com/absolutely. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 18 Jan 2023 - 1h 04min - 201 - LET THE BIG DAWGS BITE
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather is fresh off a z-pack from Mexico and the ride of her life through the sofi stadium to be an SEC ally for the dawgs. She is sniffling her way through a week of LA work but truly no days off because tinseltown wait for no one. She discusses her own pretty woman moment at the Beverly Hills Hotel but how she reassured the staff that even though everyone at the Polo lounge has a soft southern accent- they werent gonna walk out on their tabs. Stay Humble but Stay Smoking! Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Athletic Greens is giving you a FREE 1-year supply of immune-supporting vitamin D and 5 free travel packs at AthleticGreens.com/ABSOLUTELY Save 10% when you shop The BFF Bundle — a pack of classic AND salicylic acid stars designed to love your pimples all the way through the healing process at Starface.world Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then find and book a top-rated doctor today. Printfresh is a woman-owned, size-inclusive sleepwear and lifestyle brand with sizes ranging from XS to 6X. Head to Printfresh.com/ABSOLUTELYNOT Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Fri, 13 Jan 2023 - 49min - 200 - HOW DID WE GET HERE
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather is ringing in the new years with fresh boundaries with her negative CVS. She will no longer allow their filthy carpet and refusal to take her insurance dampen her mood!! She has realized that sometimes you need to just sit in the shallow end of the pool, and think about shit on the steps, before you dive into the deep end of life! Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Check out squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Grab your Liquid I.V. in bulk nationwide at Costco or you can get 20% off when you go to LIQUIDIV.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout. To match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com, and use the code ABSOLUTELY to get $100 off of your first month and show your support for the show. It’s the time to treat yourself this New Year. Go to printfresh.com/ABSOLUTELYNOT or use code ABSOLUTELYNOT for 15% off your first order. Visit www.californiaprunes.org for recipes, and be sure to look for California prunes at your favorite supermarket or specialty shop. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 04 Jan 2023 - 1h 03min - 199 - "Rose and Thorn" with Jeff Daniels
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast - Heather is sitting down with her Italian stallion to recap 2022 highs and lows and doomsday prep for the 2023 shit show season. Jeff and Heather both share their "rose and thorn" of the year and never really address how over-budget the wedding really was- It is too touchy of a subject that I guess they will push on to their therapists 10 years down the road. They both realize they need to learn a tangible skill like flying or boating, and Jeff promises to build Heather a tunnel behind the pool. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Start a new healthy habit today. Visit Seed.com/ABSOLUTELY and use code ABSOLUTELY to redeem 20% off your first month of Seed'sDS-01™Daily Synbiotic. Visit www.californiaprunes.org for recipes, and be sure to look for California prunes at your favorite supermarket or specialty shop. Right now, Modern Fertility is offering my listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Fri, 30 Dec 2022 - 52min - 198 - Missed Connections
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather prepares herself mentally for the battle of Christmas and reminds herself it's not about fighting a petite elderly woman for the last giftcard at Talbots. but rather a time to reflect on all the selfless good she has given the world through the years. She hits the Absolutely Not Line and gives unsolicited advice on how to survive the holidays and plan a cruise for your conspiracy theory loving in-laws. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Head to Squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Right now, Modern Fertility is offering my listeners $30 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely30. Athletic Greens is going to give you is going to give you a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/ABSOLUTELY Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 21 Dec 2022 - 1h 07min - 197 - "Only Give 70%" with Guest Andrew Collin
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather sits down with friends and road dog, Andrew Collin. They are fresh off 3 shows in the midwest and recording live from a Hilton in Grand Rapids where the vibes are good but the temperature is frigid. Andrew and Heather discuss staying motivated, only working to 70% of their potential and what they would tell to their younger selves. This podcast is the least bit motivating and they are both idiots. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Visit Brooklinen.com today and save 15% on your first purchase plus free shipping. Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then start your search for a top-rated doctor today Athletic Greens is going to give you is going to give you a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/ABSOLUTELY This Holiday season gift Away at AwayTravel.com/absolutely Thanks to our friends at Spritz Society, you can try their iconic sparkling cocktails for 10% by using code ABSOLUTELY on spritzsociety.com Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 14 Dec 2022 - 1h 04min - 196 - Attitude of Gratitude
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather is recovering from a wild weekend in the Big Easy where she received alot of attitude from mixologists and almost fought a college kid in a night club. She gives advice to a newly wed who paid for their wedding, unveils the mystery of how our parents are still able to post on facebook and questions what happened to a man who went overboard on a carnival cruise! Sponsors: Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Ready to shake up your protein Ritual? To make trying something new easier, Ritual is offering my followers 10% off their first 3 months when you shop online at ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY From exercise, to errands to sunset –I love my goodrs. You can go to goodr.com/ABSOLUTELY to get FREE shipping Money can’t buy happiness. But not worrying about your money comes close. See for yourself why Chime is so loved at chime.com/absolutely Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then start your search for a top-rated doctor today Produced by Dear Media Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 07 Dec 2022 - 1h 13min - 195 - Dog Park Perv
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is fresh from her weekend in Mississippi eating pork rinds & cheering on the Sportz- She hits the Absolutely Not Line to dissect all of your Post- Thanksgiving Drama. You hoes were eating out doing Zero Tipping, talking to pervs in Dog Parks and ended up with a crotch staph infection. It's been a wild weekend and Auntie Heather is here to help. Sponsors: Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $30 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely30 You can now get ready for any occasion in head-to-toe Steve Madden. Use code ABSOLUTELY20 at checkout for 20% off your first purchase at SteveMadden.com Athletic Greens is going to give you is going to give you a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/ABSOLUTELY If you want to support the show and pick up a pair, goodr is giving Absolutely Not listeners FREE SHIPPING on your first order at goodr.com/ABSOLUTELY Right now, you can get up to 45% off their best-selling products when you purchase select holiday sets by visiting ThriveCausemetics.com/absolutely Produced by Dear Media Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 30 Nov 2022 - 1h 10min - 194 - DO LESS AUNT REGINA
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is breaking down the pre-holiday anxiety we are all feeling in the back of our throats. The next week is going to be filled with family fights, food sensitivities and lots of farts! Heather walks you through your step by step Holiday survival guide so that you don't lose your shit on your Aunt Regina before the mashed potatoes even hit the deck. She hits the Absolutely Not-line and tries to give some sage advice to fellow stressed out holiday hosts- but remember at the end of the day- have your emergency cigs on stand-by. Sponsors: Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Brooklinen's Biggest Sale of the Year is only for a limited time, and the deals don't get better. Visit Brooklinen.com and get $20 off plus free shipping on orders $100+ with code absolutelysnot. As a listener of this podcast, you’ll get $100 off of your first month with Talkspace. To match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com. Make sure to use the code ABSOLUTELY to get $100 off of your first month and show your support for the show. Go to littlewordsproject.com/ABSOLUTELY or enter ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 30% off your first order. Visit SteveMadden.com and use code ABSOLUTELY20 FOR 20% off your first purchase. Start a new healthy habit today. Visit seed.com/ABSOLUTELY and use code ABSOLUTELY to redeem 20% off your first month of Seed's DS-01™ Daily Synbiotic. Produced by Dear Media Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 23 Nov 2022 - 1h 11min - 193 - Hot Topic Sweet 16
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is fresh from a weekend of shows in Florida. She was not invited to Tiffany Trump's wedding but instead spent the weekend slingin' jokes and searching for a new therapist in West Palm. There is something bout that Florida humidity that stirs up forgotten emotions and family trauma. We are working through all the feelings leading up to Turkey Day and answering your questions on the Absolutely Not Line. Sponsors: Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then start your search for a top-rated doctor today. Athletic Greens is going to give you is going to give you a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/ABSOLUTELY This Holiday season gift Away at AwayTravel.com/ABSOLUTELY Visit SteveMadden.com and use code Absolutely20 at checkout for 20% off your first purchase Thanks to our friends at Spritz Society, you can try their iconic sparkling cocktails for 10% off by using code ABSOLUTELY on SpritzSociety.com If you go to GetQuip.com/ABSOLUTELY, RIGHT NOW, you’ll get your first refill FREE. Produced by Dear Media Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Thu, 17 Nov 2022 - 1h 10min - 192 - Beam Me Up Scott
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is fresh from her trip to Space Camp, aka a weekend of shows in Huntsville. She met a scientist at a bar that told her we only got a few weeks left- and wondered why can't the aliens fix our heavy periods? "Surely some bitch in outterspace knows how to stop a heavy flow?"- ya know that kinda vibe. Sponsors: Check out Squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutelynot for $20 off and free shipping on orders of $100+. Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $30 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely30 Get 10% off your first 3 months of Ritual when you visit Ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY & add Essential Protein today. Go to LittleWordsProject.com/ABSOLUTELY or enter ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 30% off your first order. Produced by Dear Media Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 09 Nov 2022 - 1h 05min - 191 - NO SNACKIN' IN THE BACK
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is fresh off her comedy special taping weekend- full of gratitude and adrenaline. She witnessed a fight over a snack break in the back kitchen of a salad joint and was ready to jump in and pop off, if need be. She's back with her weekly dose of unsolicited advice such as- "How to spice things up in the bedroom" to "Is it ok to eat del taco alone in your car to avoid your in-laws?" Sponsors: Athletic Greens is going to give you a FREE 1-year supply of immune-boosting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/ABSOLUTELY Right now, you can get 15% off your first order when you visit ThriveCausemetics.com/ABSOLUTELY With each can only 25 calories and 5g of sugar or less, Poppi can be found on Amazon for 15% off with code “ABSOLUTELY15” and in retailers nationwide See for yourself why Chime is so loved at Chime.com/ABSOLUTELY Thanks to our friends at Spritz Society, you can try their iconic sparkling cocktails for 10% off by using code ABSOLUTELY on SpritzSociety.com Produced by Dear Media Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 02 Nov 2022 - 1h 19min - 190 - Harry's Therapy
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather has a few biohacks for her early girlies. She hits the Absolutely NOT-line and comes up with a genius idea of how to start a men's therapy group under the full disguise of a man named Harry. Sponsors: Start your 100-day trial and shop the entire Away lineup of travel essentials, including their best-selling suitcases and bags at AwayTravel.com/absolutely Athletic Greens is going to give you a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/absolutely For listeners of the show, Everlywell is offering a special discount of twenty percent off an at-home lab test at Everlywell.com/absolutely So start your credit journey with Chime at Chime.com/absolutely If you go to GetQuip.com/ABSOLUTELY, RIGHT NOW, you’ll get your first refill FREE. Produced by Dear Media Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 26 Oct 2022 - 1h 14min - 189 - Chili Season
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather has a very exciting announcement for the new tour! It's a big one! She hits the Absolutely Not Line only to give life changing advice for a young listener, help a woman keep her job at the gym and navigate what to do if you've dated a murderer. Sponsors: Go to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $30 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely30 Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE Go to paireyewear.com/absolutely for 15% off your first purchase Go to littlewordsproject.com/ABSOLUTELY or enter ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 30% off your first order Produced by Dear Media Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 19 Oct 2022 - 1h 16min - 188 - 2 Old 4 Da Club
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather recounts a scary moment from Trader Joes, how her life flashed before her eyes and why she was mad at Robin. She also hits the Absolutely Not Line- We've got grown men sucking on hard candy while they sleep, children getting tattoos, Ole Randy shits the bed and more! Sponsors: Check out Brooklinen.com today for their luxurious home and bedding essentials, and use Promo code [absolutelynot] for $20 off plus free shipping on your purchase of $100 or more. Athletic Greens is going to give you a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/absolutely Go to Talkspace.com and make sure to use the code ABSOLUTELY to get $100 off of your first month and show your support for the show Thanks to our friends at Spritz Society, you can try their iconic sparkling cocktails for 10% by using code ABSOLUTELY on spritzsociety.com From Sony Music Entertainment, Hello Sunshine, The Home Edit and Somethin' Else, listen and follow Best Friend Energy wherever you get your podcasts. Produced by Dear Media Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 12 Oct 2022 - 1h 23min - 187 - Trust the Thrust
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast - Heather hits the hotline to answer questions like " Why Kentucky" and " How do I stop scrolling the internet for my ex's"? The fact that folks come to Heather for actual advice is alarming but dammit she's hitting the advice line HARD. Heather also has a guided meditation for anyone over 30 who is feeling the weight of the world. Sponsors: Go to DailyHarvest.com/absolutely to get up to forty dollars off your first box. Check out squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Everlywell is offering a special discount of twenty percent off an at-home lab test at everlywell.com/absolutely. Right now Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off your first three months at Visitritual.com/ABSOLUTELY Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then start your search for a top-rated doctor today. For listeners of the show, Dipsea is offering an extended 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/ABSOLUTELY Produced by Dear Media Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 05 Oct 2022 - 1h 00min - 186 - BIA BIA MIA MIA
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back from her trip to Detroit with a new respect for the thin women of Michigan and the attitude of the TSA precheck staff. She hits the hotline and asks the age old questions like "Why dont Boomers drink water?" to "Do people in Charleston have pubic hair?" Sponsors: Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $30 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely30 Get a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting vitamin D and 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/absolutely Rright now you can get $20 off your first month of Nuuly when you sign up with the code ABSOLUTELY20 at Nuuly.com Right now, you can get 15% off your first order when you visit ThriveCausemetics.com/absolutely f you want to support the show and pick up a pair, goodr is giving my listeners FREE SHIPPING on your first order at Goodr.com/absolutely Produced by Dear Media Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 28 Sep 2022 - 1h 17min - 185 - Pulled Pork Party
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather hits the Absolutely Not Line and the voicemails are SHOCKING! One caller is getting fired from her job for being with child, while another is out-of-the-blue allergic to pulled pork. It's literally a game of survival. We have deep embarrassing confessions and some triggering core memories. No stone is left unturned on this insane episode! Sponsors: Head to Squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Get a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D and 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/absolutely Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Go to DailyHarvest.com/absolutely to get up to forty dollars off your first box. Go to Nuuly.com and enter the code ABSOLUTELY20 and sign up to get $20 off your first month. Produced by Dear Media Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 21 Sep 2022 - 1h 12min - 184 - Three Queens and a Mic
On this week's episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast - Heather is back after way too many difficulties joined by best friend of the show, Raymond Padilla. They talk about everything from the royal family to Ray almost losing an arm after his monkey pox vaccination - and Robin joins in after being bamboozled by the MOMA. Sponsors: Right now Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off your first three months at Visitritual.com/ABSOLUTELY Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Right now you can get $20 off your first month of Nuuly when you sign up with the code ABSOLUTELY20 For listeners of the show, Everlywell is offering a special discount of twenty percent off an at-home lab test at Everlywell.com/absolutely Use code “ABSOLUTELY15” for 15% off Poppi on Amazon and get sippin'. Produced by Dear Media Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Thu, 15 Sep 2022 - 1h 03min - 183 - Pest Control
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather hits the hotline with some wildly new and improved SCAMMMMS! After a weekend of dealing with Robin's international catfishing fiasco, Heather is on High alert to the tricks and deals y'all are trying to pull. As if we didnt have enough shit to deal with already- The hotline is filled with 1200 back cracks and a frantic 911 call from Australia! Sponsors: Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Visit Brooklinen.com and use Promo code absolutelynot for $20 off plus free shipping on your purchase of $100 Get $20 off your fertility test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely Start your 100-day trial and shop the entire Away lineup of travel essentials, including their best-selling suitcases and bags at AwayTravel.com/absolutely For listeners of this show, Dipsea is offering an extended 30-day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/absolutely Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Thu, 08 Sep 2022 - 1h 19min - 182 - Bat in the Balenciaga
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather hits the Absolutely Not Line to solve the world's problems. However, after the first voicemail she quickly realizes we need to call animal control. On this week's episode- we've got a lady with a bat in her designer bag, a lady on a cruise to nowhere, and a mom trying to navigate how to save teenagers from turning to the darkside! Sponsors: Athletic Greens is going to give you a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/absolutely. Go to goodr.com/absolutely and get 15% off when you use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout. Use code ABSOLUTELY15 for 15% off on Amazon and get sippin' Poppi soda. Make sure to use the code ABSOLUTELY to get $100 off of your first month at Talkspace.com Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 31 Aug 2022 - 1h 12min - 181 - TABITHA'S TAKEOVER
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather has business consultant and friend, Raymond Padilla come to the Absolutely Not Headquarters for a full take over. It's the Board Meeting no one wanted to sit down for, but absolutely needed to attend. We're getting our ducks in a row while simultaneously fixing the world's problems by using the 5 pillars of efficiency. Ray also asks for donations at the end because Heather is sure as hell not paying him for his time or knowledge. Get a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/absolutely Head over to WooMorePlay.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 20% off the entire site. Get 35% off site-wide at CozyEarth.com when you use the code ABSOLUTELY. Get 20% off and free shipping with code ABSOLUTELY EatDeux.com Article is offering our listeners $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more at Article.com/ABSOLUTELY Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Thu, 25 Aug 2022 - 1h 01min - 180 - Lesbian Low Country Boil
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is reporting live from the PANHANDLE of Florida, aka 30A. She is back from Mississippi and narrowly skirted death on the highway, only to have a new lease on life. She is taking no bullshit and dishing out some of the best advice she's ever given from the hotline. Like- Why heterosexual couples should never own catering companies- to what to do if your teeth are falling out. That and more! Check Out Squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Use promo code absolutelynot for $20 off and free shipping on your order of $100+ at Brooklinen.com Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then start your search for a top-rated doctor today. FX’s Little Demon premieres August 25 on FXX. Stream on Hulu! Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 17 Aug 2022 - 1h 02min - 179 - Tankini Trauma
On this week's episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- After a wonderful weekend back in the college town of Athens, GA- Heather is shooketh to her core taking a walk down memory lane- the nostalgia of sorority row, the tequila shots from locals are all flooding back to her hypothalamus. She hits the Absolutely Not Hotline to fight with a woman who doesnt like Tang- another broad bitching about getting a titty on her back during a massage- and makes a public apology to the Mid Atlantic. Right now Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off your first three months at VisitRitual.com/ABSOLUTELY. Go to DailyHarvest.com/absolutely to get up to forty dollars off your first box. Head to EatDeux.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 20% off and free shipping. Get 35% off site-wide when you use the code ABSOLUTELY at CozyEarth.com FX’s Little Demon premieres August 25 on FXX. Stream on Hulu! Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 10 Aug 2022 - 57min - 178 - SAFETY CONE SUMMER
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather is wondering if her August invite to the hamptons got lost in the mail? So weird- no one has invited her to stay at their mega mansion while Robin skeets down the long island highway on a crotch rocket on her way to a tj maxx. She hits the Absolutely Not line in hopes that the invitation is on the voicemails.. but looks like she'll have to wait till next summer. Check Out Squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. For listeners of the show, Dipsea is offering an extended 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/ABSOLUTELY Visit AthleticGreens.com/absolutely for a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase. Cozy Earth is providing an exclusive offer for my listener’s today. 35% off site wide when you use the code ABSOLUTELY. Start your 100-day trial and shop the entire Away lineup of travel essentials, including their best-selling suitcases and bags at AwayTravel.com/ABSOLUTELY Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 03 Aug 2022 - 1h 02min - 177 - Cleaning the Baseboards of Life
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather is hitting the Absolutely Not Hotline to answer your hard hitting questions- like "Why can't we make Tanning Booths a thing again" or "What should I do if I have Alopecia on my head but not my crotch". Heather dissects her own quarter life crisis while simultaneously helping your figure out yours- its a real team effort this week! Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely. Visit AthleticGreens.com/absolutely for a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase. Head over to WooMorePlay.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 20% off the entire site. Get 20% off and free shipping with code ABSOLUTELY at eatdeux.com. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 27 Jul 2022 - 1h 05min - 176 - TWO WEEKS TOO LONG
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back from her whirlwind year long honeymoon. While she should feel refreshed, renewed and wildly in love- she is lucky to not be in an italian jail cell after clearly spending TOO MUCH TIME with her husband Jeff. She breaks down the importance of communication, how much wine she drank every day at lunch and her plans to do it all over again. Check out squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Visit seed.com/ABSOLUTELY and use code ABSOLUTELY to redeem 20% off your first month of Seed's DS-01™ Daily Synbiotic. Go to goodr.com/ABSOLUTELY and get 15% off when you use code: ABSOLUTELY at checkout. To match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com and use the code ABSOLUTELY to get $100 off of your first month. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Thu, 21 Jul 2022 - 1h 00min - 175 - TED Talks From a Nobody
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast - Heather chats with fellow comedian and newly single pal, Jared Freid. They break down the hard truths of what it's like to navigate show biz, inspire folks with humor and have someone literally NOT be a fan. Jared breaks down his new- on-the-scene dating horrors and these two giggle like thelma and louise over how TikTok will slowly kill us all. Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Athletic Greens is going to give you one FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/ABSOLUTELY Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 13 Jul 2022 - 48min - 174 - Creep From Bocca
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather sits down with her favorite grumpy old man- comedian Andrew Collin. They dissect his new life living with a lady, reminisce on Spring Break in Destin and he helps Heather understand why Jeff packed a scale in his carry-on. Check out squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code [absolutelynot] to get $20 off your purchase of $100 or more. Visit ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY and turn healthy habits into a Ritual. Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely Produced Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Wed, 06 Jul 2022 - 1h 05min
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