Finding You: An Evoke Therapy Podcast

Dr. Reedy takes questions from the audience on what to do if doing your own work and apologizing to your children doesn’t make a difference.

From an article by Melissa Corkum and Lisa Qualls, Dr. Reedy discusses what happens when the chronic stress from children struggling with mental health issues bring parents to a point of numbness, disconnection, and shame. He talks about the isolation and shame that comes when a parent loses their ability to feel warmth and love for a struggling child. Dr. Reedy talks about this dynamic in the context of attachment, parental guilt, and self-care. Full article here: https://thearchibaldproject.com/blocked-care-how-to-regain- compassion-for-yourself-and-your-child

Dr. Reedy talks takes live questions from the audience and talks about self-care in the context of the child parent dynamic. He talks about looking for a therapist that is patient, kind, and secure. He explains attachment-based therapy and the upcoming Master Class and how the medicine in therapy is the way the therapist is with the client.

Dr. Reedy talks about communication skills and how “why” we share is more important than the words we use.

Dr. Reedy take live questions from the audience. He discusses how to deal with an angry, resentful child. He also talks about what can happen when one spouse doesn’t want to do their therapy work.

Addiction and Self-Medication - Ep 596 by Dr. Brad Reedy

Dr. Reedy takes live questions from the audience on the process of wilderness therapy, how to support a family member in treatment, the new book "Bad Therapy," and how to model the change you want to see in your children.

Dr. Reedy talks about how myth and stories provide a template for the heroic journey inward to discover ourselves. He uses this idea to show that our stories and out myths are invitations to look at the lost parts of ourselves so that we can heal and become who we are.

Dr. Reedy answers a question about finding hope and worth after an affair. He talks about how to make a repair with a child who doesn’t want to engage anymore. He explains that our context can be internalized and the way to healing is to spend time with a patient, empathic Other.

Dr. Reedy talks about what to look for in a therapist. He talks about how to recognize a mature therapist who is capable of holding you with compassion and patience. He explains that "the way a therapist is with you" is the medicine. He talks about characteristics of the adequate or "good enough" therapist. He emphasizes that the therapist must first model being human since that is the task in therapy. He explains that if the therapist can hold your anger, frustration, and resistance with love, you have found a therapist worth keeping.

Dr. Reedy takes live questions from the audience. He talks about defenses, where and why they happen, what it feels like when we encounter the defense in ourselves or the Other, and what healing looks like so we don’t need the protection of the defense.

Dr. Reedy provide an overview of The Eden Project by James Hollis. He explains how the early stages of romantic love are fraught with pitfalls of projection, blame, and the working out of the unconscious, unexplored parts of ourselves. He talks about the responsibility to live our own life and cease abdicating our chief responsibility – to individuate and become more whole, more conscious as the pathway to greater intimacy and love in marriage.

Dr. Reedy takes live questions from the audience on loving our children when they are hurting themselves and on finding the right kind of therapist for ourselves.

The Teen Whisperer: An Interview with Kirsten Cobabe - Ep 588 by Dr. Brad Reedy

Dr. Reedy talks about the value and limitations of skill-based work and therapy. He talks about how the development of the self is the foundation for deeper change and how that can be accomplished. He posits that the outcome of therapy is that we become who we are.

Dr. Reedy takes live questions from the audience. He discusses that the work isn’t always about learning to put up with more and more, but may be setting boundaries with people in your life. He explains that the primary barriers to higher enlightenment are shame and guilt. He says that the dominant cultures offers erroneous ideas on the subject of becoming and person and loving others. Dr. Reedy explains that enlightenment means that we deal with the parts of ourselves we avoid.

Dr. Reedy discusses Al-anon, Codependency, and how the 12-Steps apply to the non-identified patient. He defines codependency and talks about its connection to attachment and the attachment wound we suffered. He goes through each of the 12 Steps and ties them back to the principles they address. He debunks the excuses people have when resisting attending meetings for themselves.

Dr. Reedy discuss the shadow and how the repressed energy of our unconscious impacts our behaviors and relationships. He talks about how to recognize the shadow and how to unpack and heal so that we don’t ask our children and our partners to carry our unconscious, undone work.

Dr. Reedy takes live questions from the audience on dealing with children who fight, co-parenting, and learning how to love. He explains that before we try to eradicate behaviors in our children, we learn to listen to them to hear the untold story of the child’s dilemma.

Dr. Reedy discusses repairing relationships in the context of attachment. He emphasizes that repair, forgiveness and reconciliation come on the terms and the timeline of the person who was hurt. He talks about the ego and how we need to let it die to mature and grow.

Dr. Reedy takes live questions from the audience on parenting older children: what is different and what is the same. He talks about what boundaries sound like and how the measure of a good boundary is not in how the child or other person responds.

Dr. Reedy explores the problems with setting goals and measuring our progress. He explains that goals often need to be altered, surrendered, and discarded. He gives a list of goals that relate to being and growing in contrast to goals which point towards arriving.

Dr. Reedy takes live questions from audience members who have tried everything, and they are still not able to reach their child. He talks about the goals of healthy parenting: peace, confidence, clarity…he also explains how the goal in therapy is not to become “better,” but to become yourself.

Dr. Reedy explains various models of human development and how they lead to a more compassionate understanding of mental illness in our children. He explains how parents are often going through a parallel process with their children of individuation and identity development.

“My Child is Avoiding Their Work” (Q&A) - Ep 577 by Dr. Brad Reedy

Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Rebellion and the Cure - Ep 576 by Dr. Brad Reedy

Dr. Reedy discusses school refusal. He considers behavioral modification 9in the context of what we know about trauma informed approaches. He encourages parents to be flexible and look for the root issues when dealing with school refusal.

Dr. Reedy takes live questions from the audience. He talks about staying connected to yourself and how our anger and resentment are signals to set better boundaries. The talks about how parents must put themselves first if they are to love and compassionately care for their children and others.

Dr. Brad Reedy welcomes Parent Coach Andy Goldstrom to the podcast. From a career in business, to a journey supporting a child struggling with mental health issues, Andy brings his passion for helping parents find the tools and empowerment they are looking for while navigating a family's journey towards mental health. Go to www.parentsjourneycoaching.net for more on his work and www.oplm.com and www.skysthelimitfund.org for more information on donations.

Dr. Reedy talks about principles involved in discovering and setting healthy boundaries. He explains that boundaries are synonymous with - or come out of - self-care. He warns against trying to explain your boundaries and using boundaries to change other people.

Choosing How to Die (Q&A) - Ep 571

Communication and Differentiation - Ep 570 by Dr. Brad Reedy

Dr. Reedy takes live questions on difficult parenting issues. He talks about learning what is inside of our control and how to face life threatening dilemmas with our children. He talks about understanding the boundaries between self and others and unlearning what we learned about love and life as a way towards greater enlightenment.

Social Anxiety - Ep 568 by Dr. Brad Reedy

Dr. Reedy takes live questions from the audience on setting boundaries with our parents when our parents are toxic. He talks about how to motivate others to enter treatment and accepting what is outside of our control.

Dr. Reedy takes live questions from the audience. He talks about how to create safety while still holding boundaries. He explores how to set boundaries without judgement.

Dr. Reedy discuses Evoke’s perspective on Behavioral Contracts. He talks about why they don’t work and now attachment is more important that managing behavior. He talks about how the key is for parents to use such tools to get clear on their boundaries and focus on their own relapse and regression.

Dr. Reedy takes live questions from the audience on parental alienation and how much is ideal for the kids know about the other parent’s responsibility for divorce. He talks about the outcome of doing your work: unlearning and becoming a larger person. He explains how boundaries are for self-care and not for changing the child or other person.

Dr. Reedy discusses the tasks in building a strong and healthy marriage. The talks about the critical do’s and don’ts in co-parenting.

Dr. Reedy takes live questions on setting boundaries with parents, dealing with a child with Borderline Personality Traits, and helping children resolve difficult feelings.

Dr. Reedy talks about the diagnosis of PTSD, C-PTSD and trauma in general. He talks about small and big “T” traumas. He talks about how resiliency is tied to how well a parent sorts out their childhood and how it this is the greatest predictor of the quality of attachment that can mitigate trauma in a child.

Dr. Reedy talks about a child’s anger and forgiveness in the context of child psychology and a child’s development. He talks about the paradox of letting go of a child’s anger in order to facilitate its release: the greatest way to impede a child’s moving through anger and forgiving is to try to manage or control it.

Dr. Reedy takes live questions from audience members on dating in sobriety, the relationship among guilt/shame/regret/and a humble apology. He talks about the necessity of doing your own work and how not doing it asks your children (and partner) to carry your burden for you.

Dr. Reedy discusses accountability. He explains the best way to teach accountability is to model it to our children. He talks about why parents are challenged with modeling this and how guilt blocks our ability to own up to our part in things.

Dr. Reedy explores the distinctions between and boundary and a consequence. He also talks about showing up with humility and not taking on shame for triggering our children. He talks about the difference between trying to get it right and being yourself.

Dr. Reedy explores recovery and how it is supported in the wilderness. He explains the underlying principles of psychology embedded in the 12-Steps and talks about how surrender is a necessary starting point for change.

Dr. Reedy explores the difference between enabling and authentic behavior in parenting. He also talks about letting go vs. trying to control what others feel, think, and do. He explains how guilt and shame must be dealt with on our path towards greater mental health.

Dr. Reedy explains attachment theory and how a secure attachment creates resiliency. He reads the children's book, "You Are Special" by Max Lucado to illustrate how a secure attachment is earned and how it helps us to see ourselves as whole and not needing external validation.

Dr. Reedy takes live questions from audience members on parenting older children, medication management, and how family members (older siblings) can support someone while in treatment.

Dr. Reedy discusses what makes Evoke’s Coaching program unique. He explores what to look for in a coach or a therapist. He also explores the process of therapy/coaching and how it promotes growth and mental health.

Dr. Reedy takes live questions for the audience on questions of the role of medication, nature vs. nurture, epigenetics, and when is a boundary a boundary or when is it manipulation.

Dr. Reedy travels back in time to present a parent seminar he would present for parents visiting their children for the first time in months. From 1996 to 2010, Dr. Reedy would teach this meeting focusing on letting go, communication styles and assertive communication, and the Cycle of Wholeness (as a basic model for therapy). He provides this updated version to share the information and his current perspective on the skills presented.

Dr. Reedy takes live questions from the audience and discusses the challenges and the support needed when parenting children who struggle with mental health issues and addiction. He talks about how diagnoses help therapists understand the style of the person's defenses, but that the real task is to find the individual story that explains the symptoms.

Dr. Reedy discusses transitions and how they expose our ways of emotional maturity or lack of it; how we can be inclined to regress into old, comfortable ways of dealing with stress. He talks about going home from wilderness and moving on to another program. He explains how family work is best done when we focus on our work rather than how the child or others are doing.

Dr. Reedy takes questions on various topics from the live audience. He talks about how to respond when children regress or relapse into old behaviors. He talks about not trying to control how the child feels and how letting them feel helps them to move through and let go of emotions.

Dr. Reedy discusses the proliferation of 30-day, short term programs that are covered by insurance. He talks about the need for longer lengths of stays for best outcomes. He also talks about he unique aspects of wilderness therapy’s experiential approach and how it helps to bypass resistance. He explains that short term programs appeal to families due to their lower cost and shorter length of stay and how these aspects, while attractive, may not be the most effective and lowest cost for treatment in the end.

Dr. Reedy take questions from the audience on where to set boundaries with your children. He explains the similarities and differences between the relationship of parent and child versus our other relationships. He talks about attachment-based therapy and how a person develops (or doesn’t) into an authentic and real self.

Dr. Reedy explains Evoke’s approach to religion and emphasizes that therapists remain neutral when it comes to religion. He explains that good therapy will help clients find a spiritual practice that works for them. He explains how therapists are ethically bound to avoid giving advice when it comes to important life decisions including participation and identification with one’s religious ideology. He also talks about principle inherent in all the world’s major religions: surrender, humility, mindfulness, gratitude, and faith/radical acceptance.

Dr. Reedy talks about what to do when loved ones aren’t willing to look at their part in things. He answers questions on boundaries with children and how learning to love our horrible, rotten self is the key to freedom and leads to reduced suffering.

Dr. Reedy talks about the wound of abandonment. He talks about the different ways that we can abandon our children and how it’s not really accurate to talk about our children abandoning us. He talks about the benefit of studying parenting and child development from our perspective as children. He explains the need for us to take care of ourselves and come to terms with our “horrible, rotten selves” in order to be available to love more.

Dr. Reedy takes live questions from the audience on attachment from a distance, supporting your child over your family of origin, when sharing feelings becomes manipulative, and the advantages and disadvantages of a stepparent’s perspective.

Dr. Reedy discusses neurodiversity, Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), and how to navigate relationships with those who process information differently than we do. He discusses the empathy and patience that arises when parents understand their children and the uniqueness of their neurology.

Dr. Reedy takes live questions from the audience on boundaries and pressure we experience from our family of origin. He talks about how we decide boundaries. He explains how “this is what I am comfortable with” is the strongest position one can take when setting boundaries.

Dr. Reedy describes the clinical criteria for depression and anxiety and goes beneath to explore the spiritual and psychological functions of mood disorders. He explains that our symptoms are messengers for an unexplored or unfinished task that we must attend to in order to alleviate our suffering.

Dr. Reedy takes questions from live audience members on a variety of topics including preparing for transitions, what it means to awaken, and specific language for setting boundaries.

Dr. Reedy discusses the intrapsychic benefits and the underlying value of communication skills as a template for a new way to understand yourself and your relationship to others. He discusses “I statements,” reflective listening and the barriers to both. He also offers tools and skills that families use who identify as having improved family relationships.

Dr. Reedy welcomes Danielle Gabon to the Evoke Therapy team.

Dr. Reedy takes live questions from the audience. He discusses how to listen and empathize with children while still maintaining a boundary. He talks about defending yourself when your child is angry and how to understand personality disorders.

Dr. Reedy discusses how to engage a therapist to know if they are the right one for you. He talks about the difference between therapists that have done and are doing their own work versus those who rely on technique and academics. He encourages clients to ask tough questions and expect intelligent answers. He explains how therapy can trigger a regressive position and invites clients to share their frustrations and feelings toward the therapist to see whether the therapist is capable. He also explains how therapy is less about fixing you and your symptoms and more about understanding you and your dilemmas.

Dr. Reedy takes live questions from the audience. He replies to questions about how to handle a child's anger due to placement in a treatment program and finding the balance between listening and the boundaries that support self-care.

Dr. Reedy discusses how myths can teach us about ourselves. He explains Joseph Campbell’s Hero’s Journey and how the patterns in our stories and our myths provide a road map for living our authentic, human lives. He offers examples from movies and contemporary songwriters as well as classic mythology.

Dr. Reedy takes questions from the live audience on setting boundaries with a child who is abusive. He talks about tattoos, family systems-based approach to treatment, and how you can take responsibility for your own serenity.

Dr. Reedy explores what it means to “do your work.” He talks about the process of unlearning and liberating the self from the should and shouldn’t we unconsciously carry. He talks about what therapy looks like when the project is to become who we are.

Dr. Reedy takes live question from the audience on boundaries and parenting. He explains that there is no generic solution or advice when it comes to boundaries. Boundaries are synonymous with self-care and the discovery of the “right” boundary is essentially the discovery of the Self.

Dr. Reedy discusses how setting boundaries will feel like a betrayal. He talks about the differentiation scale and how if we move up the scale, those left behind may experience our increased awareness and individuation as abandonment.

Dr. Reedy takes live questions from the audience. In this episode he emphasizes the need for parents to model their imperfections and humanity to children. He explains how parents teach accountability by owning their mistakes and how when we share our struggles, from a place of strength and confidence, we show children how to grow up.

Dr. Reedy discusses the pros and cons of transporting. He talks about how to respond to children who report being traumatized by being transported to treatment. He talks about allowing children to define their own trauma and letting go of trying to control what they feel and think.

Dr. Reedy takes live questions from the audience and talks about how healthy changes often feels wrong and those around use will not recognize it as healthy. He also talks about how, when we feel lost and the path seems darkest, to keep going – but we don’t have to do it alone. Therapists can walk beside us and help us carry some of the guilt.

Dr. Reedy discusses the role and impact of the field guide in wilderness therapy. He talks about the value of the mentor role, and how this role can be more impactful on young clients than that of the therapist. He also explains how the field guide is supported and trained to become capable facilitators in the therapeutic process.

Dr. Reedy answers question live on various topics like “How to apply lessons from wilderness therapy to home” and “How to confront children or others when we see something in their behavior where they are struggling.” He explains how to avoid confronting defenses and letting our advice or suggestion fail when the other person is not ready to hear it.

Dr. Reedy gives a glowing review of The Comfort Crisis. In his book, Michael Easter expounds on the scientific body of research which shows that humans thrive physically and psychologically through exercise, outdoor activities, and challenges which stress them to moderate degrees. He emphasizes primitive camping, exposure to nature’s harshness, and backpacking as the most effective ways to replicate what our ancestors did that helped them to survive and thrive as a species.

Dr. Reedy talks about marriage and couples. He explains how intimacy is painful, difficult, and requires us to so the work of facing our own issues. He explains how talking tends to be a taking thing and listening tends to be a giving thing. Dr. Reedy explains that the start of the marriage and our ideas and projections on it to give us all our childhood didn’t provide are the energies and issues that later become chasms.

Dr. Reedy takes live and pre-submitted questions from the audience and discusses how we can look beneath the behavioral problems of the child and look into what they are feeling. He also gives examples of how shifting our style from an emphasis on behavioral modification to relationship-connection can create a shift in the child’s life.

Dr. Reedy takes questions from Evoke's social media followers. He explains how children learn (compared to adults). He talks about how ego, the need to be good or right, is the great barrier to mental health. He also explains how children benefit when they, the parents, make their own anxiety their responsibility.

Dr. Reedy takes live and pre-submitted questions from the audience and discusses the cycle of shame that parents go through when their children give them feedback, or they become aware of their mistakes. He describes how tolerating feelings, what some refer to as an ego death, shows the child that we are a safe base in their lives.

Dr. Reedy explains the concept of boundaries: where they come from, what they are, and the barriers we have to setting them. He explains that surrender, choosing how to lose, is a key component in developing healthy boundaries.

Dr. Reedy takes live and pre-submitted questions from the audience on topics such as “How to help your co-parent,” “Should I allow my young adult to use THC while living at home,” and “How much should I tell my child about my own issues?”

Dr. Brad Reedy discusses one of the most invaluable tools in building connection with others: the ability to listen and hear what another person is saying without reaction, defense, justification, or retaliation.

Dr. Reedy takes live questions from parents on the topics of the attachment, weather in the field, and navigating a loved one who doesn’t want to do their own work. He explains further how to support someone who is experiencing a lack of a will to go on and gives some great book recommendations!

Dr. Brad Reedy responds to and offers insight on the recent news that has come out regarding wilderness therapy and wilderness therapy alumni experiences.

Dr. Brad Reedy covers co-parenting. Whether divorced or married, couples can help their children by following some key guidelines such as: separating their need form the child's need, not parentifying the child, and focusing on one's own growth rather than the co-parent's, among many others.

Dr. Brad Reedy answers questions about how or if parents can help their "almost adults" see the effects of their actions on the family, how to know whether to bring a child directly home after wilderness or send them to another program, whether to do a family Intensive as a final step before a child returns home from treatment, and how best to support a sober child in danger of relapse, among others.

Dr. Reedy welcomes Evoke Therapy's Cori Wright. Cori works with adolescents and young adults in Evoke's Wilderness Therapy Program and she shares her journey into the field. She talks about the gift of regulating the nervous system using somatic experiencing and the outdoors. She explains how therapists set the stage for a client's healing through the process of co-regulation with the therapist via deep listening. She shares how becoming a mother has carved out deeper compassion and humility in her work with parents.

Dr. Brad Reedy talks about what the winter season is like for Evoke students: how they stay warm and healthy, how they mark the winter holidays, and how their varied emotions about not being home for the holidays can lead to important insights.

Dr. Brad Reedy took live questions regarding a son's self-sabotage, how to "be close with" your teenager, what to do when your child is engaged in illegal activity, and self-forgiveness.

Dr. Brad Reedy discusses his habit of practicing mindfulness rather than gratitude. He shares how sometimes redirecting oneself to gratitude when one is feeling difficult feelings--looking on the bright side--can drift into toxic positivity or a denial/avoidance of uncomfortable feelings. Alternatively, when one is mindful, one can feel and manage the difficult feelings as they arrive--and then also naturally appreciate and feel grateful for life when things are going well. He also elaborates on his belief that the most important step to more contented living is self-care/self-compassion.

Dr. Reedy takes live questions from parents on the topics of the guilt, shame and self-care. He explains how that in order to expand our skills as a parent, we need to let go of our guilt.

Dr. Brad Reedy details the immense growth and change going on in the young adult brain as well as their attendant behaviors. He then discusses Evoke's updated Young Adult program, which makes space for their growth and change employing expeditions, adventure, mindfulness, service, as well as a newly added therapeutic Intensive, among other activities.

Dr. Brad Reedy took questions about how to know when you have formed a secure attachment, how not to absorb your teen's moods, how to get in alignment with your spouse about parenting issues, and what codependency does--and doesn't--mean, among others.