Ted & Ed

As a late Christmas gift to their listeners, Ted & Ed tweak a famous song to pay tribute to Ted's mom.

Ted & Ed answer your questions, including what they would want to have with them if stranded on a deserted island. They also debate whether the island is technically deserted if they are there, and display an unhealthy love for bean puns.

Ted & Ed announce that their band "Giant Smudge" is releasing its first album, titled "Fart Cannon."

They also give a sneak preview of a collection of songs that should go down in history as all-time classics, including "Cheese Is A Yellow Food," "Helmet Head," "The Holy Spork," and more!

Why were Ted & Ed gone so long, you ask? 

Because they committed a misunderstanding (certainly not a crime), which appeared to have them destined for jail before a wizard with shovels in his elbows came to the rescue.

Ted & Ed rank the top five most intelligent life forms in the universe.

5. Humans

4. Sally the Corgi

3. ?

2. ?

1. ?

Listen for the whole list!

Ted & Ed answer your questions, including the genetic makeup of butterflies, who writes the show and whether they can spare a few bucks for one listener.

Send YOUR  questions to questionstedanded@gmail.com.

Judge Jorleen reviews the latest Star Wars show, "Obi-Wan Kenobi." Well, she offers 23% of a review, anyway.

Don't forget to send in your questions to questionstedanded@gmail.com. Yours could be answered on a future episode.

Ted & Ed drop out of summer school and meet up with an old friend for some summer adventures.

Ted & Ed receive an email summoning them to summer school. Give a listen to find out all the horrible classes they will be forced to take.

Ted & Ed can't find anything worth watching on TV until the Boneana drops by to tell them about UBN+, a new streaming service that features many movies that are unique, yet sound oddly familiar.

Ted & Ed have been traveling a lot lately, so they decided to share their top 5 favorite modes of transportation. Hear what they have to say about ...

5. Pegasuseses

4. Pyramid

3. Catapult

2. Tumbleweed

1. _______ ... listen to find out!

A mysterious government agent named Tess shows up to recruit Ted & Ed's giant turkey for a top secret military program.

Judge Jorleen is summoned to investigate the disappearance of the Hollywood sign on Easter.

The Nothingworms take over the podcast, discussing such things as their accents and the size of their iPhones, as well as having a heated debate on Google vs. Bing.

Ted & Ed show up for their job interview at NASA only to find out that the position is for androids. Also the android NASA wants is named Ted Edwards. They give it a shot anyway.

Ted & Ed head to the farm to see how Phil is doing under the care of Agnes. A big surprise awaits.

Ted & Ed answer questions about potatoes, working in space, comedy and more! Have question? Send it to questionstedanded@gmail.com.

Ted & Ed somehow land an interview with one of the most famous and recognizable figures in the universe -- The Grim Reaper.

Ted & Ed's Cat Band needs a name. They've narrowed it down to five options ...

6. Sparkly Back Pocket

5. War Frog

4. The Muffin Yeeters

3. Shipwreck Casserole

2. Bob Jovi

1. Giant Smudge

Email us at questionstedanded@gmail.com to help us choose a name!

A natural disaster is threatening to destroy Los Angeles, and only Ted & Ed -- with some help from a wizard and his giant blender -- can stop it.

Ted & Ed's search for a PhiNanny continues, with this week's hunt resulting in an interview with a person who has strange connections to the show.

Ted & Ed need to hire a PhiNanny. What's that? A nanny for Phil, obviously. The poor fellow is just helpless. Will their first candidate for the role -- Walter from Walter 3 -- be a good fit?

Ted & Ed have their sights set on winning the Ted & Ed Podcast of the Year Award in Season 3. Their first step toward that goal is to take out the competition.

Expect more of everything as Ted & Ed return with a huge goal in mind -- winning the Ted & Ed Podcast of the Year Award for the first time.

Who is the Villain of the Year? How about the Best Song? And who will win the coveted Podcast of the Year award? Listen to find out!

In this special and very professionally done holiday production, Judge Jorleen receives visits from three very loud and not particularly bright ghosts who all urge her to change her ways.

Ed reveals that she has signed up to be a part of a government experiment. But first, Ted shares the shortest of short stories.

What is your favorite thing to fall out of? Share with us at questionstedanded@gmail.com and we might talk about it on the podcast!

Phil makes another appearance on the podcast, asking Ed to help out with a number of tasks that make him seem not quite as god-like as he used to be.

The turkeys go missing during Thanksgiving season, which makes Ted & Ed a little nervous. They don't have to go far to find the thief.

Ted interviews Ed's parents, Barnaby and Sally, who sound a lot like Ed. They discuss their profession as space cheese scientists, explain why they have billions of children and give insight into what Ed was like as a tiny child.

Ted & Ed answer your questions -- well, question -- about favorite baby birds. 

What's yours? Send us a note to questionstedanded@gmail.com.

Ed brings home a houseplant named Giggles, who turns out to be a surprisingly difficult pet to manage.

Henry and Henrietta stop by to tell Ted & Ed about Octoberfest, the biggest holiday in Schnoopadoop. They also help Ted & Ed create some Octoberfest traditions of their own.

Ed heads to Mount Olympus for an exclusive interview with Ted's father Zeus. With guest appearances from Katie -- Goddess of Basketball -- and Danny -- God of the Front Desk.

Ted & Ed answer all the questions you've been wondering about! Including ...

The contents of their fridge.

Updates on the stork market.

What it's like to get into a fight with shark.

Send your questions to: questionstedanded@gmail.com.

Five people are knocked unconscious, five wilted flowers are rushed to the hospital and five chairs spontaneously combust in a deadly fart attack on a local restaurant. Judge Jorleen is brought in to find the culprit.

Kyle Du Bois, aka The Pope In Plaid, kicks Ted & Ed out of the religion of Sporkism after finding out they have been misusing their sporks.

Lauren stops by to share some true facts that aren't at all made up. No way they're made up. Just go with it OK? Definitely don't research them.

* This episode is sponsored by The Wood Restaurant, which serves only the finest cuisine in wooden form. We'd say to check it out if it were an actual place. It's definitely a good idea, though.

Ted & Ed break down their top 5 gods of all-time. They even welcome them into the studio!

Phil wants to set the record straight on most of the things Ted & Ed say, so he decides to deliver the facts straight to your earholes.

Ted & Ed answer questions (and a statement) from listeners, including their thoughts on pickles and air consumption. They also lend some clarity as to the identity of the strange person sitting on their couch.

Have a question (or statement) for Ted & Ed? Email questionstedanded@gmail.com, or just go here: https://sites.google.com/view/tedanded/home

Why do Ted & Ed deserve a gold medal at the Olympics?

Ted & Ed decide to buckle down and treat their show with the seriousness it deserves, discussing topics that are professional, interesting and oh so important. At least that's what we're telling you.

Ted & Ed take a vacation to a different planet, and their choice of transportation is unusual yet effective.

From bunnies in large groups to trenches and more, Ted & Ed rank their top 5 natural disasters with the help of some special guests!

Ted & Ed explain why there wasn't an episode last week, and it in no way has anything at all to do with them maybe perhaps going on vacation.

Also, in a new feature, they are taking your statements. Don't worry, if you accidentally submit a question instead, they'll change the punctuation. Go here:

https://sites.google.com/view/tedanded/home

Ted & Ed bring in Judge Jorleen to judge their talent show. She's not particularly happy about it.

Ted & Ed finally meet Bessie when they are teleported to a farm. They also meet the G.O.A.T goat, a spitting llama, a questioning chicken and a very short and very fancy French chef pig.

Ted & Ed, or maybe now we have to call them "Ted Ed &," answer your questions, including whether you would choose pickles or cows?

Have a question? Email them to questionstedanded@gmail.com, or fill out the form on the website, which is on the website: https://sites.google.com/view/tedanded/home

The UBN staff is called in as Ted & Ed try to figure out who stole Ed's ... staff.

Ted & Ed accidentally discover an awesome cave, which lands them an interview on their favorite cave show.

While searching for their lost pyramid in Egypt, Ted & Ed take drastic measures after an encounter with a dishonest camel.

*** *** ***

Take the survey on our web site and let us know what kind of merch you want us to make.

https://sites.google.com/view/tedanded/home

Ted & Ed invite their moms (plus Ed's 2.1 billion worshipful siblings) over for a Mother's Day celebration.

When you have to go to Mars to save your friend from his evil fruit parents, naturally you call on your friend Tiny Brian to hitch a ride in his space blimp.

Ted & Ed bake a pancake cake to celebrate The Boneana's pick day party, but they are rudely interrupted by their friend's interstellar familia.

Ted & Ed are waylaid on the high seas by a very strange religious figure looking to convert them to Sporkism.

Ted & Ed answer your questions, including:

- What's your favorite kind of wood to eat?

- Do you poo ............ p?

- How was the Earth created?

Go to our web site and submit a question, and we might answer it on a future episode!

Ted & Ed find themselves in the Unicorn Blimp, where they come across a rather sketchy judge.

Ted & Ed find themselves stuck in prison, but with a little help from a constipated wizard, they are able to escape in time to celebrate the podcast's anniversary -- although a little bit late -- in Germany.

If you're going to buy cheese for your salad, be careful what you season it with, especially if you buy your cheese from a cow with teleportation powers.

Obviously.

Jimmy and Johnny take over the show, which leads to a whole bunch of legal issues and some poetry-loving cows.

What starts with filibuster and ends with spork? Ted & Ed's list of their five favorite words, of course. Special song included, free of charge!

Ted & Ed have big plans for merchandising, but they need help with promotion, so they hire a world-famous and very prickly supermodel.

When you need a trim and a meal at the same time, you go see Boot. But there is a catch!

What do you do when it's Valentine's Day and your pet turkey is sick? You take him to Norman and Nestor’s Dentist for Birds and Other Things That Go Cluck, of course.

Ted goes searching for Ed, but not before meeting up with many of his friends at a party.

Ted & Ed answer your questions about mayonnaise, collections and groundhogs ... but then someone goes missing! 

Do Ted & Ed need an editor? You be the judge!

Ted & Ed go underwater to interview a special guest, who also happens have a very famous roommate.

In their season premier, Ted & Ed get a visit from a pair of worms from another dimension, who then perform their new hit single, "Helmet Head."

More.

Ted & Ed miscounted their episodes and lost one of them in the process. Will they find it?

In their Season 1 finale, Ted & Ed bring the whole gang together for a special holiday song. 

Also, Ted & Ed would like for you to follow them on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/ted_and_ed_/

The first follower gets a surprise!

While getting some non-sentient vegetables to decorate their Christmas tree, Ted & Ed are transported to another world and sent on a quest to defeat an army of evil rabbits.

Ted & Ed hit the mall to go shopping on Black Chocolate Friday, buying things like eyebrow serum, a bush named Jill and a son (or sun). But before that, they give a musical shoutout to all their friends in India.

Ted & Ed Thanksgiving party quickly gets out of control, including far too many unwelcome guests and a runaway turkey.

Having a hard time going to sleep? Ted & Ed are here to help with some methods you have probably never tried before.

Ted & Ed take some time to answer questions from listeners, including The Apple Dude, The Pope in Plaid, Parsnoopy and Wendy. They take this very seriously.

Ted & Ed's post-Halloween episode is taken over by Jolores and her assistant, Zooplankton, who have plenty of unique items for sale. Call now.

A surprise trick-or-treater schools Ted & Ed on an ancient war that changed Halloween traditions forever.

Ted & Ed talk about (and even rate!) their favorite holidays, which you are probably already celebrating.

Using the powers of the Time Pickle, Ted & Ed go back in time to see what would have happened if they hadn't met in such a friendly manner. Then they leap to the future to attend Ted&EdCon,

Jerima stops by to teach Ed how to make a most delicious snack. Hopefully they don't get poisoned.

Cast list:

Ted

Ed

The Boneana

Judge Jorleen

Loud Larry

Obnoxia

Song list:

Intro

TedandEdamilton Rap

Boneanian Rhapsody

Guilty of Bad Singing

The Jailhouse Purples

Slide Whistle Solo (It's not a solo)

Freedom Tastes Nice

ByeByeBye

With Ed busy sorting her potatoes, Ted finds himself stuck interviewing an extremely obnoxious character named Rrrrachel all by himself. It does not go well.

It's time for Ted & Ed to answer some questions, including, "Who is the scariest person you know?, "How am I?" And ... "Peaches?"

Despite not having an episode this week, Ted & Ed get into a big argument over kitchen utensils, then decide to go get smoothies.

Welcome to distance learning, with your new online teachers, Ted & Ed.

Ted & Ed unbox their package, only to find a surprising -- and quite small -- surprise inside.

Ted & Ed have Constipated Randalf turn them into cats so they can try out for the Cat Band, but they get a cold reception from their feline friends.

Ted & Ed meet a new character, but have trouble building any momentum in this exclusive interview.

A tale of empty food stores, space travel, graveyard dilemmas and more!

Can Ted & Ed reclaim their podcast from the robots in time to sing a song to their friends on Mongolia?

Ted & Ed have a Ted, and he can talk. Can he be educational?

Constipated Randalf requests a quest for Ted & Ed.

Ted & Ed answer some important questions, including how many holes your sponge has, who has come knocking at the door, and more!

Ed, a member of the Federal Absurdist Lasagna Protectors, tries to bring a notorious criminal to justice.

Ted & Ed have dads, cad band auditions and Georgia on their minds.