Alternative History Podcast

Because the assaults on precincts one through twelve proved wholly uneventful, John Carpenter started with Assault on Precinct 13. Made in 1976 for just around $11,000.00 (which is $11,000 more than the budget for this podcast) the original quickly became a cult classic. In 2005, (aka the year of the remake of 1976 movies, e.g. King Kong, The Fog, The Bad News Bears) the movie was remade with Ethan Hawke and Laurence Fishburne. Come join us for our last episode of the season as we discuss both movies, explain how Ice Cube references are more difficult than sub zero weather, and discuss the future. Listen to this original episode on Assault on Precinct 13  before it gets remade!

Whether you do it in an open field, a body of water, in a pot, in the morning or at night, at work or play, in a diaper while sitting in your brother’s bed, or in a litter box and blame it on the cat, everybody poops. From the Ancient Romans to our current public restrooms, we discuss the history of the public restroom, along with the shame some of us feel while doing our duty in public. Should there be any shame doing something we all do, and should there be exclusivity in regard to which bathroom you can use? Join us as Brian retells a horrific Goodwill bathroom experience and Rodrigo talks about El Salvadorian bathroom cockroaches. Listen and get the straight poop on public restrooms!

The Fall of Troy, The Battle of Waterloo, Custer’s Last Stand, and Hillary’s loss in the 2016 Presidential Election. All crushing defeats. But, if you live in the state of Wisconsin, they all pale in comparison to the 2014 NFC Championship Game, where our beloved Green Bay Packers took a crippling loss to the Seattle Seahawks after blowing a 16-0 halftime lead, and losing a chance for a trip to the Super Bowl. Played on January 18, 2015 the game pitted Green Bay’s top scoring offense vs. Seattle’s vaunted defense. What ensued was nothing short of a Russian novel, and would leave the Green Bay Packer fan base utterly destroyed. Was it Devine Intervention? Was it Russell Wilson and his NanoBubbles? Or did the Packers just choke in the second biggest game of the season? (For information on choking in the biggest game of the season, see: Super Bowl XLIX). Should the Green Bay Packer’s have won the 2014 NFC Championship Game? Listen and decide!

Oh, you better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, I’m telling you why…no, that’s not a quote from our top review on iTunes, it’s lyrics from the classic Christmas song, Santa Claus is Coming to Town. Although, not everyone believes that Santa is coming to town. On this episode we get to the bottom of whether or not Santa Claus is real. Have parents all over the world been perpetrating the greatest ruse the world has ever seen on unsuspecting children, or is there a Jolly Old Elf, equipped with an endless sack full of gifts and eight flying reindeer, who slides down your chimney leaving you gifts free of charge, and does all of this in one night? Both seem rather far fetched, unless of course…magic, because well…magic. Come join us as we get down to the bottom of the realness of Santa Claus!

Are you not entertained? Yes? Wait, yes as in you are not entertained, or yes as in you are entertained? Never mind, it’s a rhetorical question. Here’s a question that’s not rhetorical: Is Gladiator a better movie than Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon? The Academy Award voters in 2001 thought so (but they also thought Shakespeare in Love is better than Saving Private Ryan, so what the hell do they know?). Both movies came out in 2000, and both deal with warriors seeking revenge, but while Gladiator murders its way to redemption, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon shows the perils of seeking revenge and not being true to yourself. Should Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon have won the Best Picture Oscar, or did the academy get it right with Gladiator? Crouch your tigers and hide your dragons, because this episode is going to make you vexed, terribly vexed!

While you are spending the day turning Tom the Turkey into a delicious centerpiece for your Thanksgiving feast, listen on how the turkey became the ultimate symbol of Thanksgiving (hint: Sarah Josepha Hale, and the fact that turkey goes well with gravy). This is an updated version of a previous episode, so after you have stuff yourself into a new waist size, and are barely holding on to consciousness, enjoy our left over…um, throwback episode on Thanksgiving and turkeys. Happy Thanksgiving!

Didn’t I (Blow Your Mind This Time) is not only what this podcast does to you with every episode, but is also the name of one of the best songs every recorded by The Delfonics. But, did you know that it didn’t win the 1971 Grammy for best record? No, you didn’t, because unless you are music nerd like Rodrigo, you don’t care who wins the Grammy for best record, but we are here to tell you why you should care. America in 1970 was coming off two very tumultuous years filled with war, protests, a presidential election, bombings, and some very, very good music. The music of 1970 in some ways reflected the zeitgeist of the time, in particular Bridge Over Troubled Water by Simon and Garfunkel, and Let it Be by The Beatles. Bridge Over Troubled Water ultimately won the best record Grammy, but is Didn’t I (Blow Your Mind This Time) the better song and a better fit for the tumult of the times? Listen and decide!

In anticipation of the upcoming NFL season (and due to Brian's lousy back), please enjoy this throwback episode of the 1998 Minnesota Vikings, quite possibly the greatest team to never win a Super Bowl (other every Green Bay Packer team that hasn't won a Super Bowl, except for the 80's, the Packers sucked in the 80's). So, sit back, take a knee, lay down, or whatever you do to relax, and enjoy this episode and the NFL season!

Way back in 2017, ABC dared to air a sitcom with a grumpy Dad who espoused the value of hard work, personal responsibility, and family values, (no, we're not talking about The Goldberg's, or Fresh of the Boat, or Black-ish, or come to think of it just about every sitcom on ABC) that show was Last Man Standing starring Tim Allen. Running from 2011 to 2017 Last Man Standing followed the trials and tribulations of Mike Baxter, just your run of the mill, hardworking, misunderstood white male, trying to make sense of this crazy world! In 2017 the show was canceled by ABC and some cried foul. Was it canceled because of its conservative values and themes? Should it have even been canceled in the first place? Is all of this a moot point because it was picked up by FOX for the 18-19 season? Listen as Brian struggles mightily with years (he ain't so good with numbers), and Rodrigo refuses to believe that the Bruce Willis movie, Last Man Standing, is terrible. Standing or sitting, man or woman, come check out Episode 21!

1968 was a watershed year for the United States of America in many ways. We were in the midst of the Vietnam War, Richard Nixon was voted the next president of the United States, the incomparable Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated, Robert F. Kennedy's murder dealt another tragic blow to one of America's greatest political families, there were riots in Washington, D.C., Detroit, and Chicago, and with the burden of all that on America's shoulders someone had the temerity to start the North American Soccer League (yes, soccer). The NASL operated as the premier United States soccer league from 1968 until it ultimately collapsed under its own weight in 1984. The league started as a scrappy alternative to the established American sports of Baseball, Football, and Basketball, and things looked promising for their future when the New York Cosmos lured a retired Pelé to play in the league. Attendances increased, gimmicks grew, and franchise expansion followed, but it turned out not to be sustainable. Attendance dwindled, gimmicks no longer worked, and franchises folded leading to the demise of the league. But did it have to happen? Brian once again regales all with his vast cornucopia of soccer knowledge ("man kicks ball"), and Rodrigo laments the demise of his beloved Brazil in the 2018 world cup. Join us as we once again delve into the world of soccer! This episode is a real kick in the ball!

In 1967 Arthur Penn's Bonnie and Clyde, starring Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty, was released and changed the way American movies were made. Influenced by the French cinema new wave movement, Bonnie and Clyde was a movie unlike any American audiences and critics had seen, and it showed in the bad reviews and lack of box office. Then came famed movie critic Pauline Kael and her glowing review, and box office and Oscar nominations followed...but very few wins. Bonnie and Clyde, which influenced the style and substance of such films as The Godfather, Badlands, and True Romance, did not win Best Picture. That honor went to In the Heat of the Night...but should it have? Join us as we discuss the merits of the movie and real history of Bonnie and Clyde. Rodrigo expresses his distaste for movies that put a bow on the ending, and Brian inadvertently invents a drinking game where listeners take a shot every time he says "essentially" (Note: you will be blinding drunk by the 20 minute mark). Essentially, an essential episode!

With the FIFA World Cup starting today in Mother Russia (and to give us time to watch the matches) we here at the Alternative History Podcast thought you would enjoy a throwback episode of the 1982 Men's Brazil National Team and their quest to win the World Cup. Here's a hint, if we are talking about them it didn't end well. Rodrigo and Brian address the Alternative History curse, and clean up the vulgarities in this new and approved for all ages version of Episode 4. Enjoy!

Imagine a place, regardless of your physical location, where you could browse or buy just about every conceivable product you would need for your household, and even more products you don't need, but just want. The internet, you say? Amazon, you say? Well, before the internet and Amazon, there was the railway and the Sears catalog! Sears and their catalog became a mainstay in American life starting in the tail end of the 19th Century all the way until 1993 when publication of the main Sears catalog was discontinued, and now their once dominate catalog is all but forgotten, replaced by the electronically ubiquitous Amazon. Sears was the Amazon of their day, but lagging sales are forcing the retailer to close stores nationwide, but should it be this way? Did Sears have the internal structure and knowledge to be what Amazon is today? Should Sears be dominating the internet sales landscape with everything from tools, to boy's husky pants (Brian wore these in his carb filled childhood), to washing machines? Find this out and more, as Brian regales about his time working at Sears where he learned about tools and anatomy, and as Rodrigo Wikipedia's the mess out of the history of Sears (along with some other highly regarded sources). Come check out the softer side of Sears, because....you know...gotta do it!

While the current Milwaukee Bucks are attempting to Own the Future, the Milwaukee Bucks of the early 1970's owned the past. Led by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (yes, he played for the Milwaukee Bucks!) and Oscar "Big O" Robertson the Milwaukee Bucks of the early 70's were a dominate team that culminated with the 1970-71 NBA Championship. The 1973-74 Milwaukee Bucks saw the same core from the 1970-71 championship team return to face the Boston Celtics in the NBA Finals. In what would be a classic 7 game series, the Boston Celtics outlasted the Milwaukee Bucks for the NBA Championship, which would ultimately lead to the unraveling of the Bucks core and rebuilding, but did it have to? What if the Milwaukee Bucks won that Championship? Would Oscar Robertson still have retired? Would Kareem still have asked to be traded? Would the Milwaukee Bucks of the 70's be talked about in the same breath as the Celtics of the 60's or the Lakers of the 80's? And most importantly, would you be listening to this podcast? Find out all this and more as Rodrigo makes a deep inner discover about his feeling about Atlanta, and Brian does his best Charles Branson...um, Bronson imitation. So, come check out Episode 17, pally!

A weeks-long, boozed soaked, Benzedrine crazed, smoked-filled literary journey across the United States, (no, we're not describing a typical Tuesday for Brian), Jack Kerouac's seminal Beat Generation novel, On the Road, was published on September 5, 1957 and changed the way people wrote and lived...and may have helped usher in the Hippie Movement of the 60's. Jack Kerouac wrote in a new, exciting way he called spontaneous prose (some say our podcast uses a similar haphazard style, but with lesser results), and detailed his travels across late 1940's American landscape with his friend and muse, Neal Cassady (known as Dean Moriarty in the novel). The novel has been hailed as the harbinger of the Beat Generation, and dismissed by many as naïve, and in the words of Truman Capote, typing not writing. Listen as Brian and Rodrigo debate the merits of this novel, and try not to gratuitously swear (we're cleaning it up, folks!). Was On the Road the Hippie handbook? Was it writing or typing? Listen and decide!

So it's come to this: a Simpsons podcast episode. The Simpsons debuted as a full series on Fox on December 17, 1989, and 29 seasons, 629 episodes, and 1 movie have lead up to this: a couple of podcasting chuckle heads discussing the Simpsons flashback episodes. With the episode The Way We Was The Simpsons established a time line for the family history, starting with Marge and Homer meeting and falling in love in 1974, but much like Brian's kids have done to his dignity, they shat all over that established chronology with the episode That 90's Show. Whether you feel this change was as painful as losing your dental plan, or just plain excellent, this perfectly cromulent episode will embiggen the smallest listener! Come join us for the final.episode.ever...of the first season!

We here at the Alturnative Hisstory Podcast hate us some Nazis (especially Illinois Nazis). Not enough to make a movie about various ways to murder Nazis, but enough to talk about a movie about various ways to kill Nazis. Inglourious Basterds is Quentin Tarantino's seventh movie released on August 21, 2009 and gives an alternative history on how World War 2 ended (here's a hint: it involves Hitler's head and lots and lots of bullets, blood, and fire). Brian delves deeper into the murky waters of his unrequited platonic love for Brad Pitt, and Rodrigo lists which religious artifacts he would use to murder Nazis. Come join us for all this and more in Episode 14, this just might be our masterpiece!

Podcast's Log, Pod-date Episode 13, the hosts of Alternative History Podcast are endeavoring on a journey back to 1967, to a time when Beatles ruled the landscape, a King was leading the charge for equality, and a Vulcan graced the small screen. Star Trek's seminal episode, The City on the Edge of Forever, was first broadcast on April 6, 1967 on NBC, long before Star Wars, borderline incestuous sibling relationships, or "Last" Jedi's. In this episode Captain Kirk is faced with an unfathomable dilemma, save the woman you love (that he just met like 30 minutes ago) and allow the Nazi's to take over the world, or let her die and leave history intact. We know what Spock would do, but what would you? Brian explains why you shouldn't leave it up to the democratic process when naming a child, and Rodrigo flexes his Star Trek nerd muscles. All this and more in lucky number 13!

If you think of killing a high rise tower full of terrorists-thieves when you think of Christmas we have the episode for you! Die Hard was released on July 20, 1988 in the middle of peak summer action movie season and has been copied and mimicked by action movies since, except for the one major exception: Christmas!! Since Die Hard was released it has become must viewing for many during the Christmas holiday season, but is it a Christmas movie? In this episode Rodrigo is awestruck by John McClane's accuracy when it comes to throwing a body out of a window, and Brian posits that Bruce Willis' water cop from Striking Distance is the great, great, great, great grandfather of Kevin Costner's Mariner from Waterworld (Check out episode 5!). Listen to episode 12 and decide Yippie Ki-Yay, or Yippie Ki-Nay on whether or not Die Hard is a Christmas movie!

There is a thin line between love and hate, and Rodrigo and Brian are habitual line steppers. That is why a couple of life long Green Bay Packer Fans are discussing the 1998 Minnesota Vikings. The 1998 Minnesota Vikings were an offensive juggernaut the likes the NFL had never seen, scoring almost at will with an unrelenting passing attack led by rookie wide receiver Randy Moss. Unfortunately, after two years of perfection by kicker Gary Anderson, the only part of the game that actually requires a foot to ball was their undoing...or was it? Brian outs himself as a lover of Brandy with a touch of Monica, and Rodrigo learns why you never touch another man's radio while "The Boy is Mine" is playing. Come join us for Episode 11 as Brian and Rodrigo go Deep Purple all the way to the Superbowl!

Every year tens of millions of turkeys make the ultimate sacrifice so you can get 7% off 600 thread count, gunmetal gray bed sheets you've been eying for a while because they are the only ones that match those duvet covers you bought last Thanksgiving, and so you can eat turkey on the fourth Thursday of November. Well, it didn't used to be that way, it didn't used to be that way at all. Starting in the 1830's, the remarkable Sarah Josepha Hale, dubbed "The Godmother of Thanksgiving" helped to normalize the turkey as the centerpiece on Thanksgiving, followed by stuffing, cranberry sauce, and pumpkin pie and we've been in a state of turkey gustation ever since. But, do you need to eat turkey on Thanksgiving for it to be Thanksgiving? Rodrigo explains why you don't want to be chased by a wild turkey (spoiler alert! They are fast, and don't give a f#%k!) and Brian laments that we don't eat delicious, cucumber sauce drenched gyros for Thanksgiving. Get your carving knives sharpened and join us for this turkey of an episode!

The first Batman movie not to use the Batman moniker, The Dark Knight was released on July 18, 2008 to rave reviews, rabid fandom, and world wide riches. To most it was the definitive Batman movie, to Rodrigo and Brian, it was sublime. Which is why they were so upset it was not nominated for a Best Picture Oscar in the 2009 Academy Awards. Rodrigo explains how he is the only human alive that was frightened by the Batman 1966 movie, and Brian describes how The Joker's fighting style is much like the fighting style of his uncoordinated six year old. Make sure your utility belt is stocked with Batman Brand Shark Repellent, and join us for Episode 9!

If you had an appetite for destruction in the late 80's, were fond of lies, used your illusion, and got into any spaghetti incidents? in the early 90's, you were most likely a fan of Guns N' Roses. And if you were eagerly awaiting the Chinese democracy, well, you probably grew up and moved on. But not Rodrigo and Brian, they kept the flame lit (mostly Rodrigo). Guns N' Roses were the quintessential rock n' roll band, played loud music, did tons of drugs, dated strippers, refused to use proper conjunctions...the list goes on. They Rose quickly, took a Nightrain to super stardom, but somewhere along the line they broke an Axl. Due to heavy drug use, changing musical tastes and well, Axl, the band went through a revolving door of members causing a great delay in the much anticipated Chinese Democracy album. Chinese Democracy was finally released in 2008 but was it worth the wait? Rodrigo sits Guns N' Roses atop his top 7 (yes 7) all-time favorite musical acts, and Brian explains how he runs like the West Coast Offense. Hope everyone enjoys Episode 8, because you never know, it might be 15 years until they drop another episode!

Jordan Catalano and Angela sitting in a tree, K I S S I N G...oh, wait, that's just Brian Krakow in the tree, reading a book with flashlight as any normal, non-creepy teenager would do. My So-Called Life was an hour long drama on ABC that ran from 1994 to 1995, and was canceled after only one season, but should it have been? The show picked up a cult following after it was canceled. Two members of that cult are Rodrigo and Brian. Rodrigo and Brian explain how they tried to be Jordan Catalano in high school (spoiler alert! they both failed), and Brian, for some reason, details his father's DIY approach to dental work. Come check out Rodrigo and Brian's so-called podcast to see if My So-Called Life gets a new lease on so-called life.

Halloween is just around the corner, and so is the creepy clown that has been stalking your neighborhood and peeping in your windows! Clowns have been around since the pharaohs needed a good laugh, but are they inherently scary? Rodrigo thinks so and has the mental scars to prove it, while Brian terrorizes him with his extensive Clown knowledge. Come check out Episode 6, if your coulrophobia will let you.

In a world...covered completely in water, the last best hope of earth is...Kevin Costner with gills! Waterworld was released on July 28, 1995 after a much publicized production filled with sinking sets, lack of bathrooms, a ballooning budget, and rumors of digital hairlines. The movie is remembered as a flop, but was it really? Brian and Rodrigo discuss if history got it wrong and if Waterworld got a bad rap. Rodrigo expresses his fondness for all or nothing sci-fi, and Brian wonders aloud how you could be dirty while surrounded by water. Get your gills ready and dive in to Episode 5...assuming you have gills, if not just hit play.

Play beautiful and lose, or play ugly and win. That was the dilemma facing the the 1982 Men's Brazil National Soccer team in the World Cup. They played a fan friendly, entertaining game, but Italy done gone went pragmatic, knocking them out of the tournament in the second group stage. Rodrigo goes on ten minute diatribe on how cable TV contracts changed soccer (while Brian takes a nap) and Brian learns about Kaká. Come find out if Rodrigo and Brian can rectify this upset of historic proportions. Episode 4 is going to be real Kaká!

The 1982 Milwaukee Brewers lost the World Series to the St. Louis Cardinals in a tense seven game series dubbed, "The Suds Series". Rodrigo and Brian examine their home town 1982 Brewers and their post season exploits to determine if this was travesty of sports history, or if they are just sore losers. Hall of fame players, statistical anomalies, pornstaches that were not ironic, mutton chops, and pitchers throwing up on the mound...all this and more in Episode 3! (NSFW...or people that drink Budweiser)

Metallica lost the 1989 Grammy for Hard Rock/Metal Performance to...Jethro Tull? Brian and Rod discuss this travesty of musical history and determine if the result should have been different. Brian expresses his fondness for ripped up jeans and tight shirts, and Rodrigo shows his disdain for all things Rush. For all this and more listen to Episode 2! P.S. Apologies for the audio quality on this one...you might have to turn your speakers up to 11, and then maybe back down to 10 after the first 15 minutes or so.

The first episode! Did you know The Jazz Singer was not nominated for a Best Picture Oscar? Brian and Rodrigo discuss if this was a crime against history. Brian reveals a deep, dark secret and 'splains how a Broadway show works. Rodrigo reveals his love for singers who "feel" it. Listen to find out all this and more! (NSFW...or children)