Inspirational Comedy with Dr. Michael Smalley

Today is a special day because I got to interview Seth and Melanie Studley! They have the Anatomy of Marriage Podcast that is a huge success! They share things you just don't normally hear from a couple, especially where one of them is a licensed marriage and family therapist! Don't miss out on this episode.  It's a new take on couples therapy and relationship advice.  “This is the podcast that we wish we could have had 9 years ago when our marriage was falling apart!”  Seth & Melanie Studley

Let’s talk about the social behind social media, what you think you know may surprise you, and what you don’t...well that’s what we’re gonna talk about today. Along with a new segment we are calling “A Completely Unrelated Distraction of the Day” where I will share with you fun, strange, inspirational and often times totally unbelievable news from around the world.  Wait till you hear what a pizza delivery guy did for someone in hospice. Amy Morin, PsychologyToday.com wrote, "Throughout the last couple of decades, our ability to connect with people around the globe has exploded. Initially, the internet allowed us to chat, join newsgroups, or email anyone in the world. The invention of cellphones allowed us to talk to people when we were away from our desks and outside of our homes.  Then, social networks allowed us to connect with our neighbors, childhood pals, college buddies, and co—workers with a click of a button. Finally, smartphones made it easier than ever to connect with anyone we wanted around the clock.  So you'd think we'd be feeling good about our social lives, right? After all, never in the history of the universe has communicating with people been so simple and accessible." 

Serving others is the greatest tool for influencing them and setting them up to change for the better.  There is no greater act of love than to serve and what we’ve learned throughout this 28 day journey is that love transforms.  So what kind of servant should you be?  "We weren’t created to be warm, safe, and comfortable. You and I were made to be 'turned on'—to put our love to work, to apply our patience in difficult, trying situations..." (Ted Engstrom)  

The benefits of being a disciple and discipleship are overwhelming! Joy, peace and happiness result from following Jesus Christ, together with the hope of being like him and with him in heaven. “Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. 20 Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:19-20  The heart of Jesus is that his disciples go out to all the world and make more disciples.  

"So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God." Matthew 5:23-24 NLT In v23 Jesus is likely talking about someone you have legitimately offended.  You probably did do something wrong and you need to go immediately and make it right.  Jesus says there’s more to this commandment than simply not murdering. We must tackle our anger by forgiving each other. Even if we are at the most sacred moment of our year—poised to offer a gift to God—forgiveness is more important. We must leave our gift and make peace with the person with whom we are so angry. (Knowles, Andrew. The Bible Guide.)  

Jesus is demanding a radical kind of love, to forgive when they don’t deserve it. Peter’s question in v21 comes from the teaching in verses 15-20.  One of the new things I learned here was that the typical rabbinic consensus was that you would need to forgive a brother three times.  But Jesus radically challenges this idea.  Not three but seven times seventy! "Jesus does more than forbid vengeance; he transposes a cry of revenge (see Gen. 4:15, 23–24) into a call for forgiveness. Whether he says “seventy-seven times” (NIV) or “seventy times seven” (NIV marg.), his words reject a calculating, quantitative approach to forgiveness. Love within the church “is expressed by an indefatigable capacity to forgive the brethren.”25 The ensuing parable illustrates the lesson." (Chamblin, J. Knox. “Matthew.” Evangelical Commentary on the Bible.)  

"The picture of forgiveness in verse 38 is of a measuring jar in which the corn is pressed down so that it will hold more, shaken together so that every crack is filled, and poured over the top so that it overflows. Just as God has generously given to his own, so the disciple should give an overflowing amount to others." “Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven.” Luke 6:37

Imagine going to the doctor's office for a check-up. The doctor says to you, "You are a magnificent physical specimen. You have the body of an Olympian. You are to be congratulated." Later that day while climbing the stairs, your heart gives out. You find out later your arteries were so clogged that you were like one jelly doughnut away from the grim reaper. You go back to the doctor and say, "Why didn't you tell me?" The doctor says, "Well, I knew your body is in worse shape than the Pillsbury doughboy, but if I tell people stuff like that, they get kind of offended. It's kind of bad for business. They don't come back. I want this to be a safe place where you feel loved and accepted." You'd be furious! You'd say to the doctor, "When it comes to my body, I want the truth!" (Illustration by John Ortberg)  

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28 (NLT). Peace is the birthright of every believer in all circumstances. It is found only in God and is maintained through having a close relationship with him. The point here is to find peace, rest in Jesus before ever trying to obey his commands.  Otherwise law keeping becomes a terrible bondage. Many whom Jesus addresses are weary and burdened precisely because of their efforts to keep the Law (cf. Acts 15:10). Jesus grants rest to his people by giving them his law (vv. 28–29)! In fact, the subject of the very next passage is that God revealed the fourth commandment to grant rest (the meaning of the word sabbath). Jesus’ yoke is easy!

Carl Lundquist in Silent Issues of the Church, writes:  Henry Wingblade used to say that Christian personality is hidden deep inside us. It is unseen, like the soup carried in a tureen high over a waiter’s head. No one knows what’s inside—unless the waiter is bumped and he trips! Just so, people don’t know what’s inside us until we’ve been bumped. But if Christ is living inside, what spills out is the fruit of the Spirit.  "Those who are dominated by the sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit. So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace."  Romans 8:5–6 NLT    

Anyone who has lived or worked in a skyscraper knows tall buildings sway in the wind. There’s no danger; the engineers know it will happen, but the sway is uncomfortable for people inside. When engineers and architects designed Citicorp Center in New York, they decided to do something about it.  At the top of the fifty-nine story building, they installed a machine called a tuned mass damper. The machine, writes Joe Morgenstern in New Yorker magazine, “was essentially a four-hundred-and-ten-ton block of concrete, attached to huge springs and floating on a film of oil. When the building swayed, the block’s inertia worked to damp the movement and calm tenants’ queasy stomachs.”  When the winds of life gust around us, there is a stabilizing force in the heart of every believer that calms his or her fears. It is trust in God.  “Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me.” John 14:1  

Some of you are not going to like this one because it’s something you struggle with everyday.  Personally this is finally something I don’t really struggle through a lot.  I think my blessing is that I’ve gone through so many insane things that it has made it easier for me not to freak out about the future.  However, let’s not bring up:  self-discipline, thoughts, lying and a whole bunch more!  The point is take a deep breath and trust Him.  All of us are in the same boat dealing with the waves of this fallen world.  But if worrying about the future is your thing, the truth is that uneasiness and anxiety about the future is a faith problem and grounded in a lack of trust in God and what he has promised.  

The difficulties and struggles of your relationship are going to tempt you to give up.  The evil one is going to flood your mind with thoughts like, “Does God even love me?  This is never going to get better.  I can’t keep doing this!”  Never stop praying.  Never stop believing.  Never stop hoping in Jesus. Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3 For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. James 1:2-3  

For me this statement, isn’t just about prayer.  Even though yesterday we talked about how important prayer is and how it should be the beginning, middle and end of everything we do. Jesus suffered.  If you keep reading in Matthew 26:36 you can see how his best friends in life let him down.  They just couldn’t stay awake.  Jesus Christ’s life was characterised by suffering.  There are two things you need to learn today, two things that can free you from suffering.  

"That does not mean that one needs to be persistent because God is reluctant to give. The point of the parable is not that God, like the person in the house, must be persuaded to give. Just the opposite. One needs to be persistent because God longs to give good gifts to his children, and he is sure to answer." (Schreiner, T. R.) “And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.” Luke 11:9 A Beautiful Garden of Prayer by James Henry Fillmore and Eleanor Allen Schroll in 1920: There’s a garden where Jesus is waiting, There’s a place that is wondrously fair. For it glows with the light of His presence, ‘Tis the beautiful garden of prayer. In my own life, and what I’ve often heard from others, “I’ve got nothing left but to pray...”.   When are we going to stop treating prayer as a “last resort”? It should be the primary way we work on change for ourselves and others.  

“But I say, do not resist an evil person! If someone slaps you on the right cheek, offer the other cheek also.” Matthew 5:39 Obeying the commands is a heart issue. If you don’t make it a heart issue, you’ll do your best to find a way around the commands of Jesus. We can’t ignore these demands by Jesus.  Obedience is the fruit of loving Jesus. How does Jesus want you to love others? ?We are no longer under the rule of reciprocity! This is about freedom from hurt and unmet expectations.  You actually don’t have to hit back, you can walk in freedom because of what Jesus did for you. In Jesus you are: Defended Restored Healed Set free Redeemed Cared for You are loved! You are accepted! You matter! And now go and give what you have received to others!

“Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.” Matthew 7:12 In chapter 7:1-12 Jesus is addressing your attitude toward others and God, specifically being judgmental. There’s two types of judging: Hypocritica Healthy Once you get your own junk, how you approach others about theirs will be different, more compassionate and understanding. You know that God is the actual judge and you are merely trying to help out a fellow disciple of Jesus. How does Jesus want you to love others? Positive acts of love defeat a judgmental spirit. This one statement is a grand summary of all that Jesus taught about relationships with others. He wants you to be Compassionate Forgiving Understanding Empathic Frankly! All the things you are wanting from others! It’s really about turning your complaints about other people and how they are treating you into acts of love for them.   How is this possible? Trusting in Jesus that he will empower you to pull it off.  Think of it as a miracle, because it is.

Then Jesus answered his thoughts. “Simon,” he said to the Pharisee, “I have something to say to you.” “Go ahead, Teacher,” Simon replied. Then Jesus told him this story: “A man loaned money to two people—500 pieces of silver to one and 50 pieces to the other. But neither of them could repay him, so he kindly forgave them both, canceling their debts. Who do you suppose loved him more after that?” Simon answered, “I suppose the one for whom he canceled the larger debt.” Luke 7:40-43 Those who realize they are in the most need of forgiveness are the ones who will respond with the most love and gratitude. Jesus wasn’t trying to point out that Simon was somehow rude, but that the woman showed “extraordinary” love.  People who assume they are all good will never experience the kind of love Jesus is offering because they don’t understand their own brokenness. How does Jesus want you to love others? Recognize your need for forgiveness and give that to others. Be lovingHave gratitude: the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness. Do you really not understand your own junk? "But the point of the entire story is that her love is the result of her forgiveness. That love and gratitude flow from forgiveness is clearly the point of the parable (vv. 41–42), and the woman’s actions of love toward Jesus stem from her experience of a forgiveness that has already been received.  (Schreiner, T. R. (1995). Luke. In Evangelical Commentary on the Bible (Vol. 3, p. 816). Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Book House.  

  “No, I will not abandon you as orphans—I will come to you.” John 14:18 In this statement Jesus is assuring his freaked out disciples during the last supper. For the Jews, they often compared a Rabbi to a father and if a disciple’s Rabbi died they would compare themselves to orphans. “A commitment to an ongoing relationship and to the attitude and behaviour demanded by it. It is evident in human relationships and also in the covenant relationship between God and his people.” (Martin Manser) God keeps his promises, which is the example to follow. “Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise.” Hebrews 10:23 “Praise the LORD who has given rest to his people Israel, just as he promised. Not one word has failed of all the wonderful promises he gave through his servant Moses.” 1 Kings 8:56 How does Jesus want you to treat others? Ruth 1:16-17 “But Ruth replied, “Don’t ask me to leave you and turn back. Wherever you go, I will go; wherever you live, I will live. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God. Wherever you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD punish me severely if I allow anything but death to separate us!” Never quit. Stay committed. Regardless of their behavior. People don’t have to earn your love and devotion. Boundaries are still ok Being honored is still ok Being friends is different than being committed Be careful not to complain about this, because as a disciple of Jesus you are constantly called to be like him and do what he did. What does it take to never quit Endurance Patience Faith - anything is possible...even a miracle!

“I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow!” John 15:11 Remember how we’ve talked about one of the results of abiding in Jesus and obeying his commands is joy? The fruit of the true disciple is joy, and frankly, no matter what. Jesus wants you to treat others just like he treats you. It’s what shows people around you that you’re a true disciple of Jesus.  The bible uses the word here for joy in two ways. It can either be in feeling or in action. You are expressing a positive intention about a past or future action/event... Even how we remember can be covered in joy if we remain in Jesus. And most certainly how we plan to act on some offense in the future matters to Jesus. How does Jesus want you to love others… Be filled with JOY, no matter what. Two things stood out to me in trying to understand this statement:   Be joy, in your actions, thoughts and attitude. That kind of freedom is the result of loving Jesus. Expect joy, treat others in joy because you know that whatever is happening will change and be redeemed somehow by Jesus. Is 51:11 Those who have been ransomed by the LORD will return. They will enter Jerusalem singing, crowned with everlasting joy. Sorrow and mourning will disappear, and they will be filled with joy and gladness. Isaiah 41:28 I will open up rivers for them on the high plateaus. I will give them fountains of water in the valleys. I will fill the desert with pools of water. Rivers fed by springs will flow across the parched ground. Isaiah 55:12 You will live in joy and peace. The mountains and hills will burst into song, and the trees of the field will clap their hands! John 7:38 Anyone who believes in me may come and drink! For the Scriptures declare, ‘Rivers of living water will flow from his heart.’”

"God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs. God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted. God blesses those who are humble, for they will inherit the whole earth." Matthew 5:3-5 In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus starts with Eight Beatitudes or blessings for a specific type of person/attitude/character.  For me, you can summarize Jesus’ promises recorded here as, how joyful are the ones who recognize they only need God! How does Jesus want you to treat others? Recognize your need and total dependence on God to love others well. You can’t do it apart from God...period.  Develop a humble and God-dependent heart and you will be more gentle with the ones you love and the ones who are difficult. God-dependent people are simply more gracious and kind and gentle. You can become like the great Saints of the bible: David — “The sacrifice acceptable to God is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise” (Psalm 51:17). Everyone agrees that this is the spirit that pleases God after you are taken in adultery and murder. But what about the times when you are doing good? Job — “I had heard of thee by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees thee; therefore I despise myself, and repent in dust and ashes” (Job 42:5–6). Isaiah — “Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts!” (Isaiah 6:5). So we learn from Job and Isaiah that one source of lowliness is to see God in his power and holiness.  (www.desiringgod.org)

Where individuals sat at an ancient Jewish table for a meal mattered.  The seating arrangement was highly important. Jesus knew who was going to betray him, Judas, and yet he gave Judas the seat to his left! This was the seat reserved by the host for the person designated as most honored guest! How does Jesus want you to love others? Be a servant, lay down your life.  My dad used to ask women in audience around the world, “How many of you ladies would have a problem submitting to a dead man?” Extreme example, but it hits the point! You can submit to and serve each other when you feel like the other person has your best interest in mind and isn’t trying to take advantage of you but rather is trying to serve you. If someone you love is shut down toward you, take the initiative and serve.  Serving others is a powerful way to open their spirit back up! And you serve others regardless of how they are treating you.  Jesus knew Judas was going to betray him.  He knew it! Yet still he gave Judas the seat of most honored guest out of all the disciples for the last supper.     

“For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16 “Jesus teaches Nicodemus that God’s only motive is love. Jesus hasn’t been sent into the world to judge, punish and sentence to death. He has come to reveal the light and show the love of God. He longs that people should stop preferring darkness and clinging to shame.” (Knowles, A. (2001). The Bible guide (1st Augsburg books ed., p. 510). Minneapolis, MN: Augsburg.) So how are you supposed to love others? Like God loves you “A twenty-six-word parade of hope: beginning with God, ending with life, and urging us to do the same. Brief enough to write on a napkin or memorize in a moment, yet solid enough to weather two thousand years of storms and questions. If you know nothing of the Bible, start here.” Max Lucado

“So don’t be afraid, little flock. For it gives your Father great happiness to give you the Kingdom.” Luke 12:32 “Little flock” refers to believers who belong to God’s kingdom and live under God’s loving care (vv. 22–31). This image recalls the Old Testament's depiction of God as a caring shepherd of His people (e.g., Psa 77:20; Jer 13:17; Mic 4:8). The true disciple is not afraid because of a sincere trust in God. The true disciple doesn’t draw their security from things, or people, or places but from God. This makes you free to give to others when called upon. If their treasure (or security) is money, then that will be their consuming passion. Making money one’s treasure is the path to insecurity… (Schreiner, T. R. (1995). Luke. In Evangelical Commentary on the Bible (Vol. 3, p. 823). Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Book House.) Why did Jesus make this statement? “We stop focusing our quest on things, and we start selling what we don’t need and turning our stockpiled resources into ministries of kingdom-bringing love.” John Piper How does this help your relationship? "The Romans had a proverb which said that money was like sea water; the more you drink the thirstier you become. Similarly, as long as our attitude is that of the rich fool our desire will always be to get more—and that is the reverse of the Christian way."(Barclay, W. (2001). The Gospel of Luke (p. 195). Louisville, KY; London: Westminster John Knox Press.) “Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.” Corrie ten Boom

“If you love me, obey my commandments.” When he makes this statement, it was a big evening for Jesus.  It’s his formal farewell to his disciples, his friends.   And his friends are freaking out! They are scared. How does Jesus decide to comfort them? He promises the Holy Spirit - the great comforter. The one who would guide, teach, encourage, empower, and mediate on behalf of the believer. Ultimately he was giving them the comforting presence of himself - Jesus. The provision of Jesus that will bring about this relationship is declared to be the indwelling Spirit (vv. 15–17) Holy Spirit has two new names:  the Paraclete (NIV Counselor, v. 16) the Spirit of truth Paraclete (Gk. parakletos) is unique to John (elsewhere 14:26; 15:26; 16:7; 1 John 2:1) and expresses the Spirit’s strengthening, equipping role.  A parakletos was a judicial advocate (cf. Matt. 10:16–20) and here Jesus says that Christians alone can enjoy his aid (John 14:17). How does this help your relationship? When you obey and love Jesus, you (and only the one who believes and acts) gets the Holy Spirit! What does your relationship need… Strength for tough times...you get thatTruth...you get thatEncouragement...you get thatGuidance...you get thatEmpowerment to treat others like Jesus...you get thatThe comforting presence of Jesus...you get that “The Christian’s life in all its aspects—intellectual and ethical, devotional and relational, upsurging in worship and outgoing in witness—is supernatural; only the Spirit can initiate and sustain it. So apart from him, not only will there be no lively believers and no lively congregations, there will be no believers and no congregations at all.” – J. I. Packer  

Let His promises protect your relationship John 15:5 (Part 1 - the critical importance of intimacy with Jesus) “Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.” “What prompts Jesus to use this image? His figures (shepherd, bread, water, light) all came from ancient Jewish traditions. If Jesus left the Upper Room in 14:30, he may have stopped at the temple to teach and to pray. At the entrance of the Holy Place (west of the altar), steps led to a linen curtain covered with purple, scarlet, and blue flowers. Solid gold chains hung alongside the curtain from the door beam. Above the curtain (beneath the roof line) grew a gigantic grapevine of pure gold, representing Israel. Wealthy citizens could bring gifts to add to the vine (gold tendrils, grapes, or leaves), and these would be added by metal workers to the ever-growing vine.  Josephus claims that some of the grape clusters were the “height of a man.” The vine/vineyard metaphor is used frequently in the Old Testament. Israel is often depicted as a vine transplanted from Egypt (Ps. 80:8–11) and brought to fertile soil (Ezek. 17:1–6). Enemies may trample the vineyard (Jer. 12:10–11) but God tends it carefully and looks for fruit (Isa. 5:1–7). The vineyard may be the preeminent biblical symbol of the locus of God’s activity, his nurture, and his expectations (cf. Matt. 21:33–41).  (Burge, G. M. (1995). John. In Evangelical Commentary on the Bible (Vol. 3, pp. 869–870). Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Book House.) Jesus emphasizes two things: Abide Proof How does this help your relationships?  

'Jesus said to the people who believed in him, “You are truly my disciples if you remain faithful to my teachings. And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”'  John 8:31-32 The NT stresses the need for believers to remain in Christ. The reality of this close personal relationship with Jesus Christ is expressed in obedience to his word and is essential to effective discipleship. How do you abide in Jesus? Hold to his teaching (1 John 2:24) Obedience to him (John 15:10) Live like Jesus (1 John 2:6) But this is not accomplished without Communion (John 6:56) The Spirit’s anointing (1 John 2:27) By faith (Ephesians 3:17-19) How does this help your relationship? Fruitfulness (John 15:4-5) The picture of “bearing fruit” may cover many aspects of Christian life but it includes that of developing Christian character, effective Christian service and mission. These result, not from human effort, but from abiding in Christ. Answered Prayer (John 15:16) Freedom from persistent sin (1 John 3:6-9) Relationship with God (John 14:23) Confidence in the last day (1 John 2:28) “It is only into the thirst of an empty soul that the streams of living waters flow. Ever thirsting is the secret of never thirsting.”  Andrew Murray  

Follow Him  John 1:43 (Part 1 - the critical importance of intimacy with Jesus) “The next day Jesus decided to go to Galilee.  He found Philip and said to him, ‘Come, follow me.’” Our theme so far has been to not just believe, but obey.  To respond and don’t waste time doing what Jesus desires most.  That is where we find freedom. Today is about the cost of following Jesus Your family (Matthew 10:37-38) Your own life (Luke 14:26-27) Your pride (Mark 8:34) In essence, it will cost you anything you value more than Jesus. We must accept and follow Jesus’ leadership, command and guidance. How does this help your relationship? Freedom. When Jesus is #1, you can’t help but react to that person who matters most to you in a fruit of the spirit! “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!” Galatians 5:22-23 “Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.” Mark Twain  

'From then on Jesus began to preach, “Repent of your sins and turn to God, for the Kingdom of Heaven is near.”' Matthew 4:17 A true disciple is not first a learner or reader of his words.  You are a doer. In v19 Jesus says, “Come follow me”. The first command of Jesus’ public ministry was, “repent”. Jesus wants an inward change because nothing else will stick if you don’t first address YOUYour actions need to be immediate v20 “Immediately they left their nets and followed him.”A friend’s wife was giving a sermon where she shared this same advice, because it’s what she did.  Drugs, alcohol, miserable. Meets a janitor at the church who tells her to repent and go and tell everyone that she now believes in Jesus.Repent is “to turn from sin and dedicate oneself to the amendment of one’s life.”

The transformational power of Jesus’ words John 14:23 "Jesus replied,“All who love me will do what I say. My Father will love them, and we will come and make our home with each of them.”  John 14:23 If you really love Jesus, you’ll do what he says! Get to know his commands All his commands are either about loving God or loving others. “The first thing to notice is that loving Jesus is not the same as keeping his commandments. It precedes and gives rise to keeping the commandments. Keeping his word is the result of loving him, not the same as loving him.” John Piper Love is the root, obedience is the fruit. God responds to our love and loves with a unique, personal, intimate, affectionate, caring, committed love that belongs only to those who love his Son. We get the Holy Spirit We get Jesus.  He will give us what orphans need: they need protection and provision and guidance. So how does this transform your marriage? When you feel lost, you’ve got the Holy Spirit “Therefore, love him. Keep his sweet commandments to receive him and abide in him. Overflow with his fullness for others in love. And he will come to you, and the Holy Spirit will come and the Father will come, and they will protect you and provide for you and lead you — you won’t be an orphan. And they will comfort you, and love you in a very personal way the world does not know, and they will manifest Jesus to you, and make you their home.” John Piper

Great relationships have grit:  Passion and Perseverance GRIT: firmness of character; indomitable spirit; pluck (dictionary.com) Passion an intense desire or enthusiasm for something. strong and barely controllable emotion. a thing arousing enthusiasm. the suffering and death of Jesus. Perseverance steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success. other words for perseverance:  persistence, tenacity, determination, staying power, steadfastness, purposefulness… What does this mean for your relationship?  Everything!

'Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn’t love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that.  Ephesians 5:1-2 MSG What is your dream statement To honor God and others by relentlessly pursuing authentic relationships, valuing hospitality, self-awareness, diversity, adventure, joy and freedom in Christ. Validate each other’s dreams Your official Dream Statement should be a healthy combination of both your desires. Matthew 7:12 “Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.” Ask what we can do to further develop and encourage each other’s dreams. What do you think would be the best way for us to pursue authentic relationships? What kind of adventure would be fun or exciting for you? Decide on a win/win for your statement

Without a clear and defined purpose (which we will from now on refer to as your DREAM) how can you expect your marriage to be all it can be? If you do not know where you are headed together as a couple, or what kind of legacy you want to leave through your children and moments of your marriage, then how can you expect to truly enjoy your marriage. Spending day after day in a bottomless pit of indecision, confusion, and lack of a dream will (or already has) take a huge toll on your marriage happiness and enjoyment. “A man without a vision is a man without a future. A man without a future will always return to his past.” (P.K. Bernard) “With a clear vision of what we can become in Christ, no ocean of difficulty is too great. Without it, we rarely move beyond our current boundaries.”  Lynn Anderson, “They Smell Like Sheep: Spiritual Leadership for the 21st Century” Psalms 20:4 “May he grant your heart’s desires and make all your plans succeed.” “Vision is the bridge between the present and the future. Without it we perish or go “unrestrained,” as the New American Standard Bible puts it. Vision gives pain a purpose. Those without vision spend their lives taking the path of least resistance as they try to avoid discomfort. The level of sacrifice that a vision requires will determine the size of people who follow. Sacrifice separates the small from the great.” Kris Vallotton Our DREAM statement To honor God and others by relentlessly pursuing authentic relationships, valuing hospitality, self-awareness, diversity, adventure, joy and freedom in Christ.

Tim and Nancy's story should inspire anyone about what it takes to stay committed to each other through "sickness and in health"! Tim wrote: Since 1979 I have lived with the consequences of a brain-based mental health challenge called bipolar disorder. Through these years I have experienced episodes of extreme mania, protracted periods of dark depression, as well as eruptions of psychosis. Dr. Kay Redfield Jamison, a leading authority and herself a diagnosed bipolar, clearly expresses the effects of this brain disorder in her book, “Touched with Fire.” She wrote that bipolar illness “encompasses the extremes of human experience. Thinking can range from florid psychosis, or ‘madness,’ to patterns of unusually clear, fast, and creative associations, to retardation [slowing down] so profound that no meaningful activity can occur.”* This very succinctly and accurately describes how I have often experienced bipolar disorder. Hear their story through this special interview and learn how to "reflect the compassion of Jesus Christ to those with mental health concerns".

Relentless Community Hebrews 10:23-25 “23 Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise. 24 Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. 25 And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.” Live your life each day with a purpose, to stir one another to acts of love and good works. Why do you wake up each day? If you don’t ask yourself this question, you are purposeless which is like lifelessness. Community isn’t a story, it’s an experience and filled with story after story after story.  It’s why I came here for my surgery. I knew I would be Loved Not judged Encouraged Filled with hope God’s plan for your life is to wake up each day and… Choose hope (v23) Because he is a promise keeper, and there is nothing we need to fear But this isn’t the kind of hope you sit on, your hope should stir you up to act, and guess what God wants you to do with this hope? Stir up each other to love and good worksConsider each other

Relentless Grace No matter how far you run away or how disobedient you are, God still loves you and bathes you with His unending grace Phillip Holmes wrote, “He’s not ignorant of all the ways we’ve sinned against him. He knows everything we’ve ever done and is able to stomach it. His knowledge of who we really are will never hinder his love for us. He’s even aware of the evil behind our righteous deeds. The intimacy by which the Lord knows us but is able to lovingly embrace us as his children is supernatural. God’s grace is mind-blowing. Every time I think of this reality, I’m brought to tears because I serve a God whose love and grace baffle me.” https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/gods-grace-is-mind-blowing I blatantly rejected the voice of the Holy Spirit Heaviest - 138 kilograms I’ve lost 18 kilograms in three weeks No pain, no recovery, no problems of any kind! Joel 2:12-14 'But there’s also this, it’s not too late— God ’s personal Message!— “Come back to me and really mean it! Come fasting and weeping, sorry for your sins!” Change your life, not just your clothes. Come back to God, your God. And here’s why: God is kind and merciful.He takes a deep breath, puts up with a lot, This most patient God, extravagant in love, always ready to cancel catastrophe. Who knows? Maybe he’ll do it now, maybe he’ll turn around and show pity. Maybe, when all’s said and done, there’ll be blessings full and robust for your God! God’s pleasure is to give you the Kingdom!

Today we are talking about sex, possibly one of the greatest gifts outside of eternal life God ever gave humankind! To help us with this conversation, Dave Willis of strongermarriages.com, is going to lend his expertise...and trust me, this guy has millions of readers, likes, and more. Coming up next we talk about the 4 things every couple needs to know about sex. About Dave and Ashley Willis (www.strongermarriages.com) Almost 1 million likes on their Facebook page!https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriages/Millions of readers on their blogPastor at Stevens Creek Church near Augusta, GeorgiaAuthors of The 7 Day Marriage Challenge (Husband edition and Wife edition)4 things every couple needs to know about sex Where do you come up with all this great content? Who was your inspiration to get into marriage ministry? What’s the worst fight you and Ashley have had? Most MEN see sex as a form of stress relief while most WOMEN need stress relief BEFORE they can be in mindset to make love.Deeper TRANSPARENCY outside the bedroom leads to deeper INTIMACY inside the bedroom.Keep your FANTASIES focused on each other. Don’t just be PHYSICALLY monogamous; be MENTALLY monogamous too.Don’t forget to have FUN!

  The health of your emotional relationship If you don’t feel loved, you don’t want to show love The specific things you are doing to kill your sexual intimacy Invalidation How you respond to your spouse matters. Lack of affirmation Negative beliefs Here’s how you eliminate them Invalidation Start to validate each other Empathize Lack of affirmation Make a list of what you appreciate about your spouse (you can do this on our app) Don’t wait till you feel like affirming your spouse, do it because it is the right thing to do. Your spouse isn’t pure evil! Negative beliefs Ask questions Assume the best instead of the worst all the time Each one of these fixes takes important choices.  Stop acting like a victim and do the right thing regardless of whether your spouse deserves it.

  Initiate don’t hesitate… “So slide over here; And give me a moment; Your moves are so raw; I've got to let you know; I've got to let you know; You're one of my kind…” “Honestly, do you really even need a list?” so said my 20 yr old daughter! Be open to change and creativity. Build excitement and anticipation. Serve up a five star meal, meat and potatoes or a fast food meal. Enjoy sex with him, because he truly desires your pleasure too! Stop criticizing him for being a man, sex is not just for pleasure, it is also his way to bond with you and connect emotionally. Leave the lights on for a possible change, men tend to be visually stimulated. Be affirming. Plan sex.  That’s right, talk with your husband and discover how many times he’d enjoy having sex in a month and what kinds of things he enjoys.  

How to survive the drive! Keep it positive Give each other the benefit of the doubt Are you really supposed to blow everything off? No, you can’t really, but before you say anything Ask yourself, “Is this a life or death issue?” “Could I be judged for the same thing?” In the heat of the moment, should you wait, even if it’s just five minutes? What’s my goal in saying anything...Shame? Apology? Correct? In order to survive the drive, chill, take a breath, and keep these questions front and center if anything comes up.

This isn't just another top 10 list! In fact, the first thing on the list is something my father shared with me before I got married, and let me tell you, he was right!  Amy joins me once again to have an honest conversation about how to experience the best sex of your life!   In today's show, we give you the top 10 things a husband can do to get his wife excited about sex.  You'll be surprised by some of them, but there's something important we discuss that every man better know!

One of the most popular posts on our website is titled, "Is oral sex ok for a Christian couple?"  It's time we clear some things up for couples and what is allowed or not allowed sexually between a husband and wife.  Is there any limit to how a husband and wife can pleasure each other when it comes to sex? Discover how to have an honest conversation with your spouse about sex and what you like and what you don't like.

Married sex is the best sex Why do a series of shows on sex? Married sex is the best sex! Because it seems as though this is the topic of conversation you, the listener is most interested in. Our number one show is titled “Is Oral sex allowed for a Christian couple”. Oddly enough most couples don’t ever truly learn about the needs and desires of their spouse...so we are going to help facilitate a conversation about them. There is still a lot of misinformation out there for couples, we want to clear the air and get you on the right path for a healthy sex life. Let’s start off this series with some good ole healthy facts and figures about sex and the married couple Married people have the best sex Sex isn’t only about personal pleasure, it’s about loving someone unconditionally and meeting their needs intimacy wise. PsychologyToday.com “For example, if you have sex twice a week you may experience the equivalent of being two years younger than your chronological age, as well as benefiting from a significant enhancement in the health and efficiency of the heart, respiratory system, and maintaining muscle strength.”

Have you ever wanted to quit on your relationship, because you feel like it’s just too hard?  We’ve got another episode of Your Story Matters today, meet John and Erin Kadleck. Your story is God’s story.  He gets the glory for your redemption. They rushed to get married, because he was getting deployed to Afghanistan. “He came back a different person.” “He was keeping things from me to protect me.” As he withdrew, she felt more rejected and felt like it was her fault. John would drink himself to sleep every night. Poor communication spiraled out-of-control. Sometimes our hearts are in the right place, but we have poor execution. John’s fear was that if he shared his struggles or fears, Erin would reject him. Holding the secrets from her, was a dark cloud in their relationship. After he shared, all Erin did was hug John. Erin had a strong commitment, and it was her commitment to the marriage and John that kept them together through the hard times. “I was pushing her away, isolating myself, and then getting upset that she wasn’t giving me what I wanted.” “Can people look at our marriage and see God.” John had to take ownership for his actions.  “Whatever heat rounds she sent my way, I deserved it, and I needed to take it.” The only way John could overcome the ography addiction and the shame from the affair was to run to God.  He had to pray through breaking the cycle of addiction and surrendering to God. “Break these chains for me!”

Jonathan Decker is the clinical director of Your Family Expert. He is a licensed marriage and family therapist, husband, and father of five. Jonathan earned a masters degree in family therapy from Auburn University as well as a bachelor’s degree in clinical psychology from Brigham Young University. He runs YourFamilyExpert.com. He’s a “genius billionaire playboy”.  Stage comedy. Passionate about interface efforts to strengthen families and communities.  He won the BYU talent show for his one man act based on the Lord of the Rings. Five kids?  How do you manage that and what are you going to do when they all turn into teenagers? What does “Vulnerable = Powerful” mean to you and how does that impact a relationship? “Our country is a dysfunctional family.” Celebrity impressions Pee Wee Herman Napoleon Dynamite Kermit Smeagle Sean Connery Chewbacca You do movie reviews, give me one word reviews for the following movies The Exorcist? Mary Poppins? Deliverance? Pete the Magic Dragon? A Quiet Place? Robin Hood with Kevin Costner What’s been the biggest thing you’ve found to help couples get along?

"Though paved with pain and heartache, the seasons I struggled the most have also become the seasons I cherish the most. For in those seasons, I found myself at the feet of a good, good Father, lavished with grace, mercy and hope." Amanda Voigt Amanda’s journey with infertility. How did it all unravel? “It’s lonely.”  “Your friends get the dream and you’re not.” “I had to be excited to see my best friend’s baby in the hospital.” How does it feel when people try to “Christianese” your suffering. “It’s a blow when you’re already down.” You just need to sit with someone and try to feel what they are feeling. Don’t try and make it better or find answers for them. How did you manage the process of infertility? Looking to adopt. Insurance ended up paying for it with Luke’s new job. It’s not wrong to seek infertility treatment. What did your journey with God look like? “I got knocked to my knees.” Broke down with her mother, and her mother realized she couldn’t fix it for her. God spoke to her and reminded her to trust Him. He would walk with her along this journey. God doesn’t make mistakes.  He brings purpose out of the pain. “This is going to matter one day.” Trust God especially when it doesn’t feel good and you’re unhappy. Almost died from infection after giving birth to her first child. “God...she’s given up, don’t give up on us.” Luke, her husband prayed all night in the hospital room, and each time a nurse or doctor came into the room he would ask, “Is there something I can pray for you about?”

Your Story Matters is a series of shows focused on you, the listener.  Listen as Amy Smalley showcases women's stories of triumph and victory over seemingly impossible obstacles.  Each woman featured in this series of special podcasts has a story to share that will inspire and motivate you. Today's show features Lauren Zachry, a woman plagued by drugs but pursued by an unconditionally loving man.  If you struggle in life, you don't want to miss this show because Lauren's story can lead you to feel like you're "drowning in joy"!  

Today we are talking about sex, possibly one of the greatest gifts outside of eternal life God ever gave humankind! To help us with this conversation, Dave Willis of strongermarriages.com, is going to lend his expertise...and trust me, this guy has millions of readers, likes, and more. Coming up next we talk about the 4 things every couple needs to know about sex. About Dave and Ashley Willis (www.strongermarriages.com) Almost 1 million likes on their Facebook page! https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriages/Millions of readers on their blogPastor at Stevens Creek Church near Augusta, GeorgiaAuthors of The 7 Day Marriage Challenge (Husband edition and Wife edition) 4 things every couple needs to know about sex Where do you come up with all this great content?Who was your inspiration to get into marriage ministry?What’s the worst fight you and Ashley have had?Most MEN see sex as a form of stress relief while most WOMEN need stress relief BEFORE they can be in mindset to make love.Deeper TRANSPARENCY outside the bedroom leads to deeper INTIMACY inside the bedroom.Keep your FANTASIES focused on each other. Don’t just be PHYSICALLY monogamous; be MENTALLY monogamous too.Don’t forget to have FUN!

Did you ever have that friend in college that you just couldn’t get rid of?  Me too, in fact, I’ve been trying to get rid of the guy on my show today for more than 20 years!  But now he’s made it onto my podcast, and he’s actually got something very cool he wants to share with you today.   We are talking cars, marriage, and possibly the four most important things you need to maintain in order for your marriage to thrive!

Over the last 6 shows you’ve learned the core skill taught in every one of our Smalley Marriage Intensives. Love Talk is by far the most powerful way to communicate with someone.  It is where feelings and needs can get expressed in a way that leads you naturally into win/win solutions.  Healthy communication is not Rocket Science!  But there are a few rules you need to understand and use when you are dealing with difficult topics or hurt feelings.

You are catching us at the tail end of our series on LOVE Talk, the most powerful communication method on earth! Last show you learned how to share your feeling and needs as the customer in a way that helps others receive them and honor them.  This week you get to learn how to find win/win solutions to your toughest conflicts.  You don't have to live with unresolved conflict any longer.  There are just a couple of things you need to learn in order to reach solutions where you both can be happy!

The last time we were with you, you discovered the role of employee and how that may be the most important role we learn when it comes to conflict resolution. On today’s show, you are going to learn how to be a great customer. You’ll want to list today, because we are going to show you how to communicate your feelings and needs (the most important things you want to share) in a way that your spouse or others can't help but to listen and validate you.

Previously on Smalley Marriage Radio you discovered the most powerful way to stop STUPID conflict by using a time-out. Today, you get to learn the role of employee, that if I’m honest, is possibly the most important role you can learn when it comes to resolving conflict. LOVE is the essence of LOVE Talk! (Listen, Own, Validate, and Express)The employee only worries about Listening and Validating.

How timeouts help you stop stupid conflict: Stop escalating,Get away from each other, this allows you to calm downPray, this allows you to gain perspectiveOwn your part, this allows your partner to hear you and not be so defensive

Last show we talked about the importance of having structure in how you resolve conflict. So you can’t just go all willy-nilly during conflict and think you’re going to get anything solved. Today is about the most powerful word picture in the history of the world when it comes to resolving conflict!  If you’re going to resolve conflict, then you are trying to replicate the experience you get when going through the drive-through at a Chick-fil-a.

I just received this question and it jumped right off the page at me! “Is oral sex something that is OK with the Lord, and, is it ok to dress up in a little nurse costume, or such. I know this sounds so crazy, but I am about to go out of my mind needing to know the answers to this question! We have two boys coming up and I want them to have the best life possible in the Lord………these questions are just not talked about enough! Thank you for your time and answer. May God richly bless you and all of your family! MICHAEL: I hate couples who miss out on the joy of sex with each other because they think there are some dos and don’ts—mainly developed through misconceptions. AMY: That’s right. As married couples, we should be the most open with one another. MICHAEL: But I just have to hear it from a female. Do you think oral sex is okay? AMY: I truly do think it’s okay. Within the confines of the relationship, I do. We are one man and one woman, and we are exploring each other’s bodies. We are created for each other’s pleasure. And part of that is oral sex. MICHAEL: Absolutely. So, there is nothing wrong with it. But it is okay, again, as long as you are enjoying each other sexually, exploring, coming up with new ideas for each other, and you are both on board. Once sex becomes a deal about me and what I want, and I don’t care what your opinion is or whether you are comfortable or not, then we have a problem.  

Do you ever get into conflict? I’m in conflict every other day with my wife! And we help couples for a living! Today you are going to discover, possibly, the most important thing about resolving conflict…and you don’t know about it! But no longer, we are going to reveal this truth as we unpack resolving conflict as a couple. If you are going to resolve conflict, you have to have structure!LOVE Talk stands for Listen-Own-Validate-Express

Dr. Larry Nasser is dominating the news right now, and for good reason! How in the world did he get away with harming so many young ladies?  What can you do as a loving parent to protect your own child from people like Nasser?   These questions and more will be answered on today's broadcast.  I will also be taking your live calls, so get ready for some real advice on how you can build a better relationship starting today! Here's a little cheat sheet of the show today: "JANE REMEMBERS THE linoleum floor in the bathroom of Larry Nassar's apartment. She remembers feeling strange as he walked in and handed her gymnastics magazines to read as she lay fully naked in his bathtub. She was 12 or 13; she can't recall exactly." (http://www.espn.com/espn/otl/story/_/id/22046031/michigan-state-university-doctor-larry-nassar-surrounded-enablers-abused-athletes-espn) More than 150 women who reported him US Gymastics seemingly ignored NCAA ignored Michigan state ignored Why? Heard an interview on Dan Lebatard show today, former athlete sharing how he got in trouble for taking coffee from the coaches office... How can you protect your child? All you can do is your best Don't be naive Make sure your child feels safe enough to share with you

What a show today! I get to interview Rhonda Jolliffe, the founder of rhondanp.com.  What's so great about the show today? We have one of the most honest and frank conversations about menopause ever!  Rhonda has great insight for women who might be experiencing menopause but we also address how menopause impacts a relationship and what to do about it. About 20 years helping women through menopause The creator of rhondanp.com Get a free course, just visit rhondanp.com/smalley Understand the positives of menopause. Does menopause help creativity for women? What are some of the best things women can do for menopause? Tips for husbands with wives going through menopause. Andropause, it’s the menopause for men!

My co-host Seth takes over the show today!  Seth wants to talk about ending well. Every good thing sometimes comes to an end Dating, marriage, business, etc. How to end well “Ending well means intentionally setting aside time for reflection and acknowledgment, time to name the cost, the enormity of the work and everything that has gone into it, and name the moments of grace and beauty that helped carry us through.” The Allender Center Don’t dismiss it or avoid it Embrace the awkwardness Don’t lie What are your favorite memories?

A single guy asked a question for the show that hit some serious buttons for me.  I wouldn’t say I’m angry, because I’m not, but I am definitely worked up because I feel like single Christian people get themselves into the most ridiculous situations because...well, I’ll save the rest for the show. “My ex girlfriend and I have been in and out of a relationship for the last two years. we recently started talking again. The reason for the in and out is because she went on a missions trip and started to feel like God may be calling her to full time ministry in another country. We both want to get married but everything that she feels God has been doing in her life over the past two years doesn't allow us to grow in our relationship because of the lack of security of not knowing if she will even be around for much longer if God "calls her" to the mission field. She has been unsure of her calling and doesn't know for sure if God is calling her so she's been pursuing different opportunities and something legit seems to be in the works. I'm open to full time ministry if God were to lay it on my heart but he hasn't in the way he has for her. And I don't think it's right for me to pursue ministry just because I don't want to lose her. The way things are now is that we don't talk every day. We talk as I say, "consistently, inconsistently." It's really been a waiting game to see what God does. I guess my question is, is this something she just needs to make a decision on or keep waiting for God to open the right door? I believe she's worth the wait but I struggle if it's the wise decision. Please advise!”

“You've talked about taking a timeout when things get too heated. I feel my husband uses this phrase as a way of avoiding the problems we face. Unfortunately, communication in our marriage has become so unpleasant and difficult that timeouts have become a lifestyle and we have virtually no communication. I'm talking like years and years, at least 15. At this point I feel we have no connection and no relationship, along with so many unresolved issues I don't even know where to start. We have been married for 35 yrs. I don't want to give up, but I do not want to live the rest of my life with a hostile stranger. HELP!” If this sounds like you...then listen to the show.

Today we take on one of the shortest, yet intense questions asked by a listener yet! I’ll just let you read it for yourself, “Is there a walking away point in marriage?”  I don’t know...is there? We’ll answer this question on today's show. “My wife wants a divorce, I do not. She wants the four kids and I am supposed to move out. I want reconciliation, she says ‘No chance, ever!’ What do I do?” Respect the boundary even though it seems counterproductive Give her the space she is demanding Let her know you would love a chance to hear what you can do to repair the relationship, but you’ll be patient till she is ready In the meantime Get help Counseling, mentor, discipleship Make changes She needs to see and experience the change...not hear about it Let your actions do the talking for you Listen to our series A Hero’s Guide to Winning Back Your Wife https://www.smalleyinstitute.com/blog?tag=hero%27s+guide+to+winning+back+your+wife

On Saturday Night Live, a character named Stuart Smalley used to say, “I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and dog gone it people like me.” I’m not sure we’ve ever had a better introduction to the show...ever! Today we discuss the benefits of talking to yourself and how it can positively impact your relationships.

Why we are doing a show like today is beyond me!  Because I know at first, you’re going to be thinking to yourself, “How is this going to help me? I’m not a pastor or a leader at a church.”  Well my listening friends, all that needs to change today.  Because you need to know what an effective church marriage strategy looks like so you can begin harassing your church leadership to implement it.  But it can also help your relationship specifically, if you’re willing to do the same things for your own marriage.

What's healthy when it comes to sexual intimacy in marriage? This episode is definitely not for little ears, a warning to those parents who might not want their kids to hear an honest and frank discussion about sex. I've got Dave Willis on the show and we don't shy away from anything when discussion sexual intimacy.

I am the survivor of a vicious lion attack.  It happened this past June, and it may be the reason our family is closer than ever.  What is the secret to a close-knit family? The post Benefits of a lion attack – sort of appeared first on Smalley Institute.

It’s the ninth show in our series called, The Hero’s Guide to Winning Back Your Wife! It is the final show (until Seth reminds me that we need to do a wrap-up show) of the series.  Last show we had to walk you through the possibility that your wife won’t come back.   The post What if she does come back – Hero’s Guide to Winning Back Your Wife appeared first on Smalley Institute.

It’s the eighth show of our series, The Hero’s Guide to Winning Back Your Wife.  Sometimes, the hero’s journey doesn’t have a hollywood ending.  It can be more like the ending of Cold Mountain with Jude Law and Nicole Kidman. The post What if she doesn’t come back – Hero’s Guide to Winning Back Your Wife appeared first on Smalley Institute.

We’ve landed on the seventh week in our series, The Hero’s Guide to Winning Back Your Wife.  Today’s show could possibly be the most important of the entire series because you are going to learn the one question you have to ask. The post Asking the all powerful question – Hero’s Guide to Winning Back Your Wife appeared first on Smalley Institute.

This is our sixth installment of the Hero’s Guide to Winning Back Your Wife series! Today you get to discover exactly how a real man seeks forgiveness. The post How a real man seeks forgiveness – Hero’s Guide to Winning Back Your Wife appeared first on Smalley Institute.

Today you’re going to learn, perhaps, one of the quickest ways you can win back the heart of your wife. The post Why she’s always right – The Hero’s Guide to Winning Back Your Wife appeared first on Smalley Institute.

Today we talk about one of the best ways you can stop the miserable conflict dance you learned about in episode two and you’re not going to like it. The post It starts with you: Hero’s Guide to Winning Back Your Wife appeared first on Smalley Institute.

“It was pride that changed angels into devils; it is humility that makes men as angels.” Saint Augustine.  You’ll never guess what we’re talking about today. The post Every hero has been humbled – A Hero’s Guide to Winning Back Your Wife appeared first on Smalley Institute.

It’s the second show of The Hero’s Guide To Winning Back Your Wife, and it is a big show!  Today you are doing to learn exactly how you lost your wife in the first place...and my guess is...you never knew it was because of this one thing. The post How you lost her in the first place – A Hero’s Guide to Winning Back Your Wife appeared first on Smalley Institute.

Today we start a special series on The Hero’s Guide To Winning Back Your Wife.  It’s based on a new book I’m writing with my brother-in-law Roger Gibson for men who want to build the marriage of their dreams. The post A Hero’s Guide To Winning Back Your Wife – who’s your daddy appeared first on Smalley Institute.

One of our listeners asks some questions that deal with some real and troubling things.  Is a separation a good thing for a troubled marriage?  How do you handle a spouse who’s been diagnosed with a personality disorder?  Can divorce actually help create a clean slate for your relationship to reboot or start over again?  Answers to these questions are coming up next. The post Can separation heal a troubled marriage? appeared first on Smalley Institute.

Today’s guest is the best-selling author of Love and Respect, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.  He’s got a new book out titled, Before You Hit Send.  Today you are going to learn about the 4 things you must ask yourself before you hit that oftentimes catastrophic “send” button. The post Before you hit send – an interview with Emerson Eggerichs appeared first on Smalley Institute.

Today we get to chat with one of America’s best-known marriage experts. His books have sold millions of copies around the world, but for me, he will always be known as the “wrong Gary”. I can’t count the amount of times I watched my own father, Dr. Gary Smalley, sign a book actually written by[...] The post Dr. Gary Chapman is on the show! Is there such a thing as a bad love language? appeared first on Smalley Institute.

The man we have on the show today is potentially the most prolific writer I’ve ever known! In fact, I’m a little irritated to even be doing this interview because he makes me look like a lazy, uninspired writer...which is not cool. But Dr. Les Parrott can’t be denied because he has a powerful new online assessment for couples that will literally “blow your socks off”, and I am quoting him on that. The post Les Parrott is on the show and he’ll blow your socks off appeared first on Smalley Institute.

Hello listeners, today we have a special guest who is just another super famous marriage expert with the first name Gary. You’ve probably heard of him before and even read his best-selling book, Sacred Marriage. On the show today is author Gary Thomas, and we’re going to ask him why a good marriage has to start with a funeral. The post Gary Thomas of Sacred Marriage is on the show! appeared first on Smalley Institute.

Years ago my wife and I were on a vacation for her family’s reunion. We were there for an entire week and Amy’s mother asked me to do something that I’ll never forget. It was, in my opinion extremely obnoxious and way outside my comfort zone! I was trapped, felt betrayed, and still managed to have fun on the vacation because of something I’ve taught for over 20 years now. The post How to have a truly horrible vacation appeared first on Smalley Institute.

Today we take on a great question from one of our live events. I just loved the wording of her question and knew our listeners could benefit from the answer. She wrote, “How do you get past a spouse who does not listen to what you say verbally but rather goes by what he thinks he thinks you mean. Like an underlying meaning behind the words.” The post What to do when your spouse negative beliefs you to death appeared first on Smalley Institute.

Seth and I are not women. Not sure why I felt the need to establish that right out of the gate, but never-the-less, it is true. So because we are guys, we felt like we could give some helpful hints to the ladies about what it takes to be attractive to your man. Full disclosure…these[...] The post Ten mistakes you make trying to attract your man appeared first on Smalley Institute.

There’s a rising risk to dating in this day and age…and it’s name is Ghosted. Never heard of someone being ghosted before? Don’t feel too bad, because neither had I! But ghosting is a real thing, and worse, it is a dishonorable thing to do to someone. Today we are going to explain what it[...] The post The rising risk of being ghosted appeared first on Smalley Institute.

One of our listeners asked recently: “if I have a concern I need to share with her – but she refuses to hear it, or receive it – what do I do? How do I “make” her realize what I want her to improve upon in our marriage. These things aren’t once in a blue[...] The post How you can force your spouse to be better appeared first on Smalley Institute.

July 4th is one of my favorite holidays.  And it’s not just that I get to light things on fire and throw a huge party for all my friends.  I love July 4th because of what it reminds me of.  And no, it is not about the personal freedoms I get because of our great[...] The post There is more to freedom than July 4th appeared first on Smalley Institute.

Have you ever felt like you just don’t measure up to what your spouse wants?  This can feel overwhelming because of the kinds of buttons it pushes.  But take heart, my friends, there is a solution to this issue, and the best part is…it’s you!   If you are wanting immediate help with your relationship,[...] The post Do you feel like you can’t measure up? appeared first on Smalley Institute.

What on earth can you do when you don’t feel “safe” to share your feelings or needs with your spouse? This is a tough one, because in order to share intimate things with your spouse, you need to feel safe. Talk about being stuck between a rock and a even harder rock! But don’t be[...] The post How to deal with an unsafe spouse appeared first on Smalley Institute.

One of you, our amazing listeners, has submitted an impossible question…so of course we are going to take on this question and possibly give some of you hope when you think there is no hope. If you are wanting immediate help with your relationship, please check out our online library of marriage and parenting courses![...] The post When you mess up big time appeared first on Smalley Institute.

Is there something your spouse has brought in to your marriage that is making your relationship difficult? Today we are answering one of your questions on the show because sometimes there are things out of your control that you have to learn how to deal with, or the relationship will suffer. We’re going to help[...] The post Overcoming difficult issues appeared first on Smalley Institute.

There is a crisis for boys today, if you haven’t noticed yet. Today we talk about Dr. Warren Farrell who has a new book coming out next year titled, “Boys in Crisis”. What’s the crisis you ask…none other than the fate of all humankind. We’ll define the crisis but more importantly, help you discover how[...] The post Boys in crisis appeared first on Smalley Institute.

Today’s show has a special guest, Laura Doyle author of The Empowered Wife. I wanted to come up with some creative introduction, but then I went to her website and found the perfect intro. “Laura Doyle was great wife material–until she actually got married. When she tried to tell her husband how to be tidier,[...] The post Laura Doyle and The Empowered Wife appeared first on Smalley Institute.

Are you the one in your marriage with the highest sex drive? Well…you might not be aware of some things you are doing to sabotage your high desire for sexual intimacy with your spouse. But do not be afraid, because today we have Dr. Corey Allan on the show to help those who have a[...] The post How to sabotage your high desire for sex appeared first on Smalley Institute.

Today we are talking about sex, possibly one of the greatest gifts outside of eternal life God ever gave humankind! To help us with this conversation, Dave Willis of strongermarriages.com, is going to lend his expertise…and trust me, this guy has millions of readers, likes, and more. Coming up next we talk about the 4[...] The post 4 things every couple needs to know about sex appeared first on Smalley Institute.

A young 19 yr old in the Philippines gets what it takes to truly romanticize a woman! He bought her a McDonald’s Chicken Nugget bouquet for Valentine’s Day…how do nasty chicken nuggets equal romance you ask? Well it’s not what you buy that matters gentleman, it’s why you buy it! Coming up next on SMR[...] The post Thoughtfulness leads to sexiness appeared first on Smalley Institute.

I’ve never liked the phrase, “Happy wife, happy life.”  It’s offensive to my modern sense of relationships and the roles men and women play when it comes to having a healthy marriage.  But apparently I was wrong to hate this!  Research findings are starting to prove this antiquated statement, which I guess now make me[...] The post Dang – it is true – happy wife happy life appeared first on Smalley Institute.

Something happened to me a few years ago that really shocked me. One of my dad’s best friends asked me if I loved Jesus. Really? Of course I do…but then he asked me a question that has forever changed my heart and understanding of what it truly means to love Christ. If you are wanting[...] The post How the commands of Christ can transform your relationship appeared first on Smalley Institute.