What Matters Most

Ah, money: Right now, money – or the lack of it – is a real hot-button topic as New Zealanders battle a cost-of-living crisis. If you’ve found yourself worrying about finances this year, first of all you’re FAR from the only one, in fact, 57% of Kiwis surveyed in recent studies are worried, too.   So in this episode of What Matters Most, you’ll hear Jacqui and Antonia talk openly about budgets, finances and how the rising cost of living is truly impacting so many of us in Aotearoa.   But, as ever, Jacqui is here with tips to lessen some of the psychological aspects of financial strain, including techniques to tackle your response to stress as well as practical advice that’ll help your bank balance anxiety.   Simple steps like opening up to people you trust, knowing what your spending triggers and habits are and removing the stigma of financial strain are all great places to start, Jacqui says – as well as knowing how to actually identify if you need some help.   Jacqui also talks about why we’re not good at talking about money as a society, how to re-prioritise spending, why self-care simply doesn’t cut it when dealing with money worries, how to shift the conversation towards ways of spending less money, and why doing a self-audit is the most important start when it comes to relieving the mental pressure of financial strain.   We’d also like to say a big warm thank you to our wonderful sponsors of this episode: The fantastic folks at Woop, who keep our bellies deliciously full and warm, and the lovely team at Emma who ensure we get a good night’s sleep!

We all experience it – the dizzying highs of helpful emotions, and the crushing lows of the unhelpful ones. In this episode, Jacqui explains exactly what is emotion regulation – and how, if you develop some simple skills, you’ll be able to identify and navigate your thoughts and feelings in a far healthier way. You’ll hear heaps of tips and tricks as to how to actually label what the emotion your feeling is – did you know that anger is a secondary emotion, and you’re probably feeling something else underneath? Jacqui also talks through how there are no ‘good’ or ‘bad’ emotions – rather, it’s about identifying ‘helpful’ and ‘unhelpful’ emotions, and then figuring out how to either up-regulate the helpful emotions – happiness, joy, success – and down-regulate the unhelpful ones, such as sadness, disappointment or hurt. Jacqui and Antonia also go through how to help and teach your kids on emotional regulation (or “superpowers, as Jacqui calls them – she’s even written a book about her daughter, When the Wind Blew, on the subject!) and offer some super-easy and practical tips for adults, ranging from thought strategies through to pure physiological ways of managing unhelpful emotions (cold shower, anyone?!)   We’d also like to say a big warm thank you to our wonderful sponsors of this episode: The fantastic folks at Woop, who keep our bellies deliciously full and warm, and the lovely team at Emma who ensure we get a good night’s sleep!   Sponsor Codes: Woop are offering our listeners 30% off their first box. Just use the code PODCAST at the checkout.

It’s been an incredibly challenging year for many Kiwis, and to those who are rebuilding their lives after the impacts of a natural disaster, Jacqui and Antonia send you their love and support. It’s an unfortunate sign of the times that this week, close friends Jacqui Maguire, a clinical psychologist, and Antonia Prebble, actor and presenter, tackle the subject that has been most requested this year: dealing with the effects of a natural disaster. In this episode, Jacqui breaks down the three stages we typically go through and how we can best look after ourselves – and one another – during these different periods. The pair discuss what PTSD can look like, plus how to find a new routine, hope and gratitude in the wake of a major event. And, importantly the delve into exactly what we can do to care for and support children who are caught up in natural disasters.  “Kia kaha,” says Jacqui. “Stand together – remember that social capital is what will support our communities to survive from a health, mental health and economic perspective. We get through it, together.” “And please remember, there is no right way to feel. As a country we owe it to anybody struggling after a natural disaster to remember and stand alongside you – that is our duty, to be a team of five million.” If you’re looking for more resources after today’s episode, for a start, please head to: Get Ready: Brought to you by Civil Defence, this resource talks you through how to get prepared, what to do in an emergency and how to get involved in the aftermath Anxiety NZ: How to cope with anxiety during disasters and emergencies Headspace: How to cope with the stress of natural disasters The Student Volunteer Army: As Jacqui mentioned, the SVA (formed after the Christchurch Earthquake) responds to the acute needs of local communities. New Zealand Red Cross: Donate to the New Zealand Disaster Fund, plus read about updates and the best ways to get support, or to support those affected by the recent severe weather events. We’d also like to say a big warm thank you to our wonderful sponsors of this episode: The fantastic folks at Woop, who keep our bellies deliciously full and warm, and the lovely team at Emma who ensure we get a good night’s sleep! Sponsor Codes: Woop are offering our listeners 30% off their first box. Just use the code PODCAST at the checkout.

You’re far from being alone if you identify as a people pleaser – more than half the female population are too! In this episode Jacqui will talk you through how you can identify whether you (or someone you have a close relationship with!) are a people pleaser. You’ll hear a bit of live therapy, as Antonia opens up about her own experiences as a people pleaser and Jacqui works through some techniques to tone down her – and perhaps your! – people pleasing ways. Jacqui takes us through some great exercises, with some homework to try out on someone close to you who you feel comfortable with. Maybe there’s something you’d normally do to people please – like in Antonia’s case, you might always let friends choose where you go for dinner where you meet up. What would happen if you said you’d like to go to your favourite spot, or go to a restaurant you’ve always wanted to try? Another great exercise is one Jacqui heard on Simon Sinek’s podcast, which involves asking your closest friends exactly why it is that they are your friends? And we want to go beyond the surface level, with the obligatory responses of ‘because you’re kind, caring etc!’. Ask for specifics and examples! Here’s a handout with some more info from Simon Sinek’s exercise: https://simonsinek.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/FriendsExercise.pdf We’d also like to say a big warm thank you to our wonderful sponsors of this episode: The fantastic folks at Woop, who keep our bellies deliciously full and warm, and the lovely team at Emma who ensure we get a good night’s sleep! Sponsor Codes: Woop are offering our listeners 30% off their first box. Just use the code PODCAST at the checkout.

This is the one Jacqui has been very much looking forward to discussing – and it’s a biggie: attachment styles. Yip, our relationship in those very early years with our primary caregiver does go on to impacts us as adults – not just in our romantic relationships, but in all facets of our lives, from friendships to the workplace. Gaining an understanding of how your early relationship with your primary caregiver has informed your interactions as an adult can be incredibly powerful. It can also be very challenging work, so this episode of What Matters Most is sure to bring up a lot of feelings. Be warned! If you want to do what Antonia did and take a quiz to find out which attachment style you are (it’s optional to do what Antonia did and encourage all your friends/family to do it for an interesting chat around the dinner table!!) then head to The Attachment Project and take the Attachment Style Quiz. And, if this episode – understandably! – brought up a lot of emotions for you, exploring your early childhood, Antonia recommended you take a listen (if you haven’t already) to an earlier episode of What Matters Most. Episode III: Inner Child, also explores the idea that the experiences we have as a young child really impact how we operate as an adult. There’s also advice on how you can get in touch with your inner child and understand them a bit more. We’d also like to say a big warm thank you to our wonderful sponsors of this episode: The fantastic folks at Woop, who keep our bellies deliciously full and warm, and the lovely team at Emma who ensure we get a good night’s sleep! Sponsor Codes: Woop are offering our listeners 30% off their first box. Just use the code PODCAST at the checkout.

We’re back! In Volume VII of What Matters Most, close friends Jacqui Maguire, a clinical psychologist, and Antonia Prebble, actor and presenter, get to the bottom of what the mental load is, how this dynamic occurs, what we can do to change our own behaviours and how we can have those tricky conversations with our partners to create a more equal distribution of tasks in our homes. It's a conversation that is sure to stir up some thoughts (particularly for women – yip, research shows that 90% of females feel the carry the burden of the mental load), but hopefully it will give you the tools to examine what is happening in your household and how to go about making changes. If, like Antonia mentioned, you found Jacqui’s tips helpful on how to have a conversation with your partner about the mental load, you might also enjoy Volume II of What Matters Most: How to Have Difficult Conversations. We’d also like to say a big warm thank you to our wonderful sponsors of this episode: The fantastic folks at Woop, who keep our bellies deliciously full and warm, and the lovely team at Emma who ensure we get a good night’s sleep! Mentions: That wonderful ‘mental load’ comic by French artist Emma (yes, she just goes by one name!), can be found here If you want to read more from Allison Daminger – that Harvard PhD Student who researched The Mental Load, you can head here. And if you want to read up more about that 2017 study into female breadwinners by a non-profit organisation, you’ll find that here! Sponsor Codes: Woop are offering our listeners 30% off their first box. Just use the code PODCAST at the checkout.

If you’ve ever found yourself pulling multiple all-nighters to meet a long-known deadline, or are constantly putting off things on your to-do list, you might be one of the estimated 20% of the population who procrastinate. In the final episode of the first season of What Matters Most, good friends and co-hosts Jacqui Maguire, a clinical psychologist, and Antonia Prebble, actor and presenter, have left the procrastination episode until (***joke alert***) the very end .  In Volume V of What Matters Most, the pair delve into the different neuroscience theories around why we procrastinate and Jacqui says that it’s not a time management issue, it’s an emotional regulation one. They also look at why we even put off things that we enjoy or we know are good for us, and why self-compassion, rather than self-judgment, is the key to helping us bring a better workflow into our lives.  Hosted by: Antonia Prebble & Jacqui Maguire Produced by: Roar CollectiveCo-Produced By: Antonia Prebble & Jacqui Maguire Music: Goodboy Music

It’s no wonder so many women aged in their late twenties to early forties are feeling paralysed by overwhelm. We have SO many decisions to make, all while we wade through SO many expectations – whether they’re ones we’ve put on ourselves, or ones that exist from our families, social media, or society as a whole. These dilemma-filled few years (eek, should I have a baby? Is it already too late? Am I with the right person? Should I be focusing on my job?!) are referred to as ‘The Panic Years’ – a term coined by author Nell Frizzell and in Volume V of What Matters Most, Antonia and Jacqui do a deep dive into what brings them about and how to navigate your way through them. Jacqui outlines three steps to calming some of that overwhelm, figuring out what you actually truly want (not just what you feel pressured to do) and how to put steps in place to try to get there. Along the way Jacqui and Antonia share their own struggles with The Panic Years, what to do if your panic isn’t that you don’t know what you want – it’s that you know it, but it goes against societal norms or, it’s out of reach. Plus, Antonia shares why that advice to treat people how you’d like to be treated, perhaps isn’t the best approach after all. Jacqui finishes this volume with a wonderful exercise to define what is important to you – The Holistic Wheel of Life! Link Here Hosted by: Antonia Prebble & Jacqui Maguire Produced by: Roar CollectiveCo-Produced By: Antonia Prebble & Jacqui Maguire Music: Goodboy Music

In Volume IV of What Matters Most, the pair are delving into all things friendship – why we need them, why they are so hard to find – or maintain – as adult life gets busier and the roadblocks we can put up, without knowing, when it comes to seeking connection with new people. Far from being a luxury, good quality friendships are our biggest indicator of a healthy and long life, Jacqui says. The pair share their own friendship origin story, cover off some of the grey areas that come with friends and share practical tips and situations on how to make new friends as an adult. Hosted by: Antonia Prebble & Jacqui Maguire Produced by: Roar CollectiveCo-Produced By: Antonia Prebble & Jacqui Maguire Music: Goodboy Music

Whether it’s how you respond to a relationship tiff, or your reaction to authority, your inner child is potentially a lot closer to the surface than you might imagine. In Volume IV of What Matters Most, good friends and co-hosts Jacqui Maguire, clinical psychologist, and actor and presenter Antonia Prebble are taking a trip to our most vulnerable, joyful self – our inner child.  In this episode, the pair talk about the importance of our inner child and how tapping into what brings them joy – or makes them angry or scared – can help us make greater sense of the triggers we face as adults. From specific examples that demonstrate the connection between scared inner child and activated adult, they also look at practical ways we can work out what our inner child needs and how we can parent them.    Hosted by: Antonia Prebble & Jacqui Maguire Produced by: Roar CollectiveCo-Produced By: Antonia Prebble & Jacqui Maguire Music: Goodboy Music

Is there anything more likely to induce a stomach drop than knowing you have to have a difficult conversation with someone? Fun fact: even Jacqui, a clinical psychologist, says her common reaction is still likely to burst into tears when faced with a difficult conversation – so you’re in good company if that’s also you – plus Antonia says she’s far more likely to get dragged into conflict if she’s tired or hungry, and who amongst us hasn’t been there? In Volume II of What Matters Most, the pair delve into the three different types of conflict – and where you’re likely to stumble across each one; practical strategies for keeping calm when faced with conflict and Jacqui’s golden rule to remember when preparing for a difficult conversation. Plus they look at why you can still have a good relationship with someone you fundamentally disagree with, why a handwritten letter is better than an angry email, and discuss the recent cause of conflict that Jacqui says ‘has caused more rifts in families than I have ever seen before.’   Hosted by: Antonia Prebble & Jacqui Maguire Produced by: Roar CollectiveCo-Produced By: Antonia Prebble & Jacqui Maguire Music: Goodboy Music

Walk past any self-help book shelf or tune into any better-living podcast and you’ll be told that happiness is the end goal we all should be chasing. But… is it, actually? In Volume I of What Matters Most, close friends Jacqui Maguire, a clinical psychologist, and Antonia Prebble, actor and presenter, are tackling the pursuit of happiness. First off, how should we actually define happiness? Turns out, there are two types – hedonia, which is a fleeting experience or feeling; and eudemonia, which is more about living a meaningful life. To help us narrow down what we find meaningful, Jacqui walks Antonia and the listener through one of her favourite visualisation exercises, and talks about how identifying her own values helped shift her out of a difficult life patch. By working out our values, we can then ask ourselves if they’re being reflected in our daily lives – and how we can increase them, building a far more sustainable type of happiness.    Hosted by: Antonia Prebble & Jacqui Maguire Produced by: Roar CollectiveCo-Produced By: Antonia Prebble & Jacqui Maguire Music: Goodboy Music

Conversations between two friends that support, provide practical tools, are light hearted at times, joyful, soulful and offer that little bit of ‘friendship mixed with therapy’ on the days that you might need it.