Dear Sugars

We have something really special for you: a sneak preview of a new series we've been working on here at WBUR that we think you, in particular, will love. It's called You Could Make This Beautiful, and if that phrase sounds vaguely familiar, it's because it comes from the virally famous poem "Good Bones" by poet Maggie Smith. You Could Make This Beautiful is co-hosted by Maggie Smith and Faith Salie, whom you may know from NPR's Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! or CBS News Sunday Morning. The show is about making life more beautiful, but it's not about telling you how to do that; it's about showing you the way with poetry in all its forms — music, art, nature, you name it. The episodes feature poets, yes, but also actors like Henry Winkler, comedians like Mike Birbiglia, and teachers like Saeed Jones. We've made 3 episodes of You Could Make This Beautiful — so far, at least — and we'll be dropping all three of them right here in this feed, on August 7th. In the meantime, here's a little teaser, straight from Maggie and Faith. Enjoy, stay tuned, and you, too, could make this beautiful.

When it comes to love, money is supposed to be no object. But there’s no disentangling love from anything in our lives, and income is no exception. So how do you assess the role money should play in a relationship, and what happens when your desires and means change over time? In this episode, five letter writers want to know how to discuss money with their romantic and familial partners. How do I stop resenting my husband for his low income? How do I ask my stay-at-home wife to get a job? Should I feel obligated to share the wealth with my fiscally irresponsible parents? The Sugars answer these questions and more in rapid-fire style on today’s episode.

How many times have you heard this: "I love him, we're great together, but..."? There's always room for doubt, even in the happiest of relationships. So this week, the Sugars take on some of those doubts in rapid-fire fashion. This episode was originally published on January 5th, 2017.

In this encore "rapid fire" episode, the Sugars give brief answers to a handful of letters. This time, they challenge each other to make the call -- one way or the other -- on the questions they're discussing, rather than offer open-ended guidance. This episode was originally released on September 30, 2016. 

Hi, Dear Sugars listeners, this is Amory Sivertson.. Host of WBUR's Beyond All Repair and co-host of Endless Thread. I'm here to share something special with you this week. It’s an episode of Other People’s Problems, from our friends at CBC. Normally, therapy sessions are totally confidential, but this podcast opens the doors. On this season, the host Dr. Hillary McBride explores the transformative power of psychedelics in a therapeutic setting. With her psychological expertise, Dr. Hillary leads clients through drug-assisted therapy, guiding them to new heights on their healing journeys. In this episode, you'll hear from Donovan, who has lived in fear and anger ever since he told the truth about being abused by his mother’s boyfriend and then felt betrayed by social workers who were supposed to help. Now, after several ketamine therapy sessions, Donovan can finally look back upon his child-self with care and calm and works to become the kind of adult he needed for his own children. Hope you enjoy the episode. And if you like this, find the full season of CBC's Other People's Problems wherever you get your podcasts.

In Part 2, the Sugars turn from the holding of a secret to its discovery. What happens within a family when a secret is revealed? They take a letter from a woman who is reeling after learning that the two men she trusts and adores — her father and her husband — have both been keeping big secrets.

Every family has its secrets, but it's how those secrets are dealt with that determines the power they hold. In Part 1, the Sugars consider the implications of keeping a secret within a family system. They take a letter from a woman who, since her early teens, has kept a dark and powerful secret from her mother about her stepfather.

Father's Day is a fraught and complicated day. In this episode, the Sugars take two questions on fatherhood — from a new father who fears that his depression will be felt by his baby daughter, and from a young woman who yearns for a deeper connection with her distant father.

Most of the questions the Sugars receive about weddings are about the drama that precedes them — the expectations in the build up to the big day. But that doesn't mean Wedding Day is drama-free. There just isn't much to be done about it at that point. As Cheryl says, it's like a ball rolling down a hill. The Sugars bring in the ultimate witness to wedding-day drama: Lois Smith Brady, the founding columnist of the Vows section in The New York Times.

It's wedding season, and the Sugars have been getting all kinds of letters that reflect the anxiety and expectation that accompany preparations for the big day — from a difficult in-law demanding extra invitations to a homophobic mom at a gay wedding to a dramatic friend of the bride who's making it all about herself.

The Sugars take a letter from a 62-year-old divorced woman who is shocked to find herself considering a reconciliation with her ex-husband, after years of unhappiness inside the marriage. The situation is further complicated by the fact that he is engaged to another woman.

The Sugars wonder if romantic relationships can survive profound political differences. They take a question from a young woman who prides herself on being a strong feminist, and worries her boyfriend doesn't share her views. They also hear from a progressive Democrat who has married into a conservative Oklahoma family and is finding it increasingly difficult to stay silent about her true beliefs.

It's election season, and while politics may not seem like the domain of Dear Sugar Radio, it can become deeply personal. In Part 1, the Sugars look at how politics can get in between our relationships with friends and family—whether it be our parents voting for a candidate we despise, or our friends sharing views we find abhorrent on social media.

Being a mother means feeling conflicted in some way about the balance between raising one's children and the rest of life. The Sugars take two letters from women in the midst of such conflicts—one from a career-driven young woman who cannot fathom going back to work after the birth of her son, the other from a daughter who feels caught between the needs of her dying mother and her newborn baby girl.

We revisit an episode about compulsive lying with guest Leslie Jamison. The Sugars take on a letter from a young woman telling her friends about imagined experiences of rape and loss.

The Sugars return with another installment in the Infidelity Episodes — looking at the often-overlooked experience of the other woman. After the Sugars had taken on the Betrayed and the Betrayers, they received dozens of letters from women struggling to make sense of what it means to be involved in a cheating situation, while being neither the one who cheats nor the one who is cheated upon.

The Sugars take on jealousy — the fiery, irrational kind we feel toward our lovers and friends. They read a letter from a woman struggling with her competitive instincts toward an attractive new friend of hers, and from a man having trouble with his wife's close friendship with an old lover.

The Sugars take a letter from a young woman who was raised in a deeply Christian household. As she has grown older, her beliefs and values have become increasingly at odds with those of her parents. She loves and respects her mom and dad, and doesn't know how to tell them that she is no longer a Christian — which to them will mean her eternal damnation.

What if the man you love wants to break up but keep hooking up? What if he wants to see other people? How should you handle your jealousy toward a long-distance lover's friend of the opposite sex? What happens when a foursome between couples reveals hidden feelings? If someone isn't over an ex, should you stay close or walk away?

There's a long tradition in fairy tales of the wicked stepmother. And the archetype endures in contemporary life. The Sugars take on two real-life versions of the tale — a mother whose ex-husband's new wife wants the children to call her "mom," and a stepmom who feels trapped in the role of the storybook villain.

The Sugars take a question from a newly married woman who is facing a nightmare — the man of her dreams has turned out to be someone else entirely. They are joined by the writer Julie Metz, who tells the story of discovering her own husband's double life following his unexpected death. She helps in answering the letter writer's ultimate question: do I stay and make a life with a man who is not the person I thought I married?

Are we doomed to repeat the patterns of our childhood? The Sugars hear from the child of two alcoholics, who cannot tolerate her new boyfriend's drinking; from a young woman whose partner is reminding her more and more of her emotionally damaged father; and from a daughter who is stuck in a co-dependent relationship with her mentally ill mother.

The Sugars receive a pained letter from a young woman whose ex-boyfriend was recently murdered in an altercation at a bar. His death came not long after she had cut off communication in an effort to move on. She's grappling not just with feelings of sorrow and guilt, but jealousy — toward a young woman who came into his life after they'd broken up.

In this episode, the Sugars take two questions on the dynamics of gender, power, and love — one from a man and one from a woman. A young man struggles with jealousy when his girlfriend gets a career opportunity he wants for himself, and a woman finds she's no longer attracted to her husband now that he's not the breadwinner.

We revisit an episode about friendship with one of our most beloved Sugar guests — the writer Ann Patchett. In this episode, the Sugars take a question from a young woman whose best friend since childhood is about to get married to a man she's known for only six months. The two friends are very different, and the letter writer worries that her impulsive, drama-prone friend is rushing into another bad situation.

The Sugars look at one especially painful form of love: the crush. They take questions from two letter writers struggling with illicit love interests — one from a career-oriented woman who finds herself drawn to her boss, the other from a recently married woman fantasizing about her husband's younger brother.

The Sugars are back for another batch of shorter questions and answers. They take on six quick questions, ranging from a letter writer who is jealous of her sister's wealth to a young woman who is growing impatient for a proposal from her longtime boyfriend to a woman still pining after her girlfriend from a decade back.

The Sugars consider the way forward for their single letter writers. For many of the women they hear from, finding "the one" has become the all-consuming focus of their lives. The anxiety and the reality of their situations makes it hard for otherwise confident, successful women to esteem anything else. The Sugars are joined by the writer Kate Bolick, who suggests a new way of thinking about life as a spinster.

The Sugars have been avoiding the most frequently asked question they receive from women: Will I ever find the one? In the first episode, they explored the anxieties around that question. In Part 2, they focus on a particular anxiety that comes up over and over in letters from advice-seekers who have begun to question their past and present relationship decisions — should I settle?

The Sugars have been avoiding the most frequently asked question they receive: Will I ever find the one? In this first episode on the theme, the Sugars explore the anxieties of the women who write in — I'm happy, I'm successful, everything else in my life is going great. But I can't find a partner. What's wrong with me? Will I ever find someone? Is it too late? Lena Dunham joins the conversation with her trademark candor.

The Sugars look back at some of the most memorable letters of 2015. They check back in on a young gay man who was agonizing over whether to come out to his homophobic family, and a new mother who was struggling with boundaries after her alcoholic father relapsed during his first visit with his granddaughter.

The Sugars often tell advice seekers: You have to go back to the beginning to get to the bottom of it. So, as 2016 begins, to mark the first year of Dear Sugar Radio, we're revisiting the pilot episode where it all began.

The Sugars take on some of the big questions of the holiday season. How do we balance the competing demands of families? How do we act like adults when we return to our childhood homes? And, what if we aren't sure we should return home at all?

Motherhood has a near-sacred status in our society. If we dare speak negatively about it, it's only to say: "Motherhood is hard, but it's worth it." But for some mothers, it isn't. In this episode, the Sugars take on the taboo.

The Sugars explore the fraught relationship between body image and romance. In one letter, a married woman reconsiders her priorities after losing 100 pounds. In another, a young man wants his girlfriend to lose weight, but does not understand why she’s so upset when he broaches the subject.

The Sugars are taking Thanksgiving weekend off. We'll be back next week with a new episode. This week, we revisit an earlier episode — The Deal Killer.

The Sugars record the show in front of a live audience at First Parish Church in Harvard Square. Taped on the occasion of Cheryl's new book of quotes, Brave Enough, the Sugars discuss the importance of quotations in their own lives. The questions come from the audience — from a Harvard grad student who just lost a loved one to suicide to a young person gripped by jealousy in romantic relationships. They are joined on stage by rock star Amanda Palmer.

The Sugars take a question from a single father who's just dropped his oldest son off at college. He is seized by feelings of guilt — that his attention was often elsewhere, that he didn't do enough to prepare his sons for the world. They are joined by the writer Brad Watson, himself divorced with two sons.

The Sugars get a letter from a young woman who has fallen head over heels in love. She and her boyfriend only met a month ago, but they are already in deep. Everything seems perfect, and yet the letter writer can't help but wonder if the traumas of her new love's past are hiding somewhere under the surface, threatening to resurface. The Sugars do something new — and get the letter writer on the phone to speak with her directly about her fears.

The Sugars take on sibling rivalry. The mother of an only child wonders if she should have another but fears cruelty and conflict between the siblings. And a young man is caught between his parents and his brother, who is refusing to let the family spend time with his son.

If someone smokes pot multiple times a day, but is still a highly functional partner, parent, and worker — is there a problem? That's the question to the Sugars from a letter writer whose husband has been a habitual marijuana smoker for years. If it is a problem, she wonders, is it his or hers?

The Sugars try something new — answering more questions, more quickly. While they always give their hearts and souls to the letters they receive, some questions are just a little more straightforward. The Sugars take on six quick questions, from siblings discovering incriminating texts on their father's phone to women reeling from encounters with sociopaths to this single sentence — "what do I do if I can't stand to stay with him but I can't stand to leave him either?"

The Sugars are taking this week off, to focus on answering new letters. We'll be back next week, but in the meantime, we revisit this conversation about the traumas of our past and their role in our present.

The Sugars grapple with a difficult question — how do we make sense of the fact that very bad things can happen to people who have done nothing wrong? They take letters from a visual artist who has just learned he is losing his sight, and from a woman whose life has been transformed by her daughter's life-threatening condition.

The Sugars exploration of infidelity culminates in Part 3, a conversation with Esther Perel. The relationship therapist is focusing her attention on the subject of infidelity - what it is, why we do it, and what it means to us. They also take a question from a married man who longs for lost intimacy with his wife, while also engaging in multiple affairs on the side.

The Sugars exploration of infidelity continues with Part 2: The Betrayers. They take letters from a desperate wife, whose husband gave her a second chance after an emotional infidelity, only for her to do it again; and from a young mother who has gotten herself tangled up with the next-door neighbor after years of unhappy marriage.

The first in a multi-part exploration of infidelity. In Part 1, the Sugars consider letters from the Betrayed; in Part 2, they'll consider the Betrayers. They're also joined by the writer and performer Lauren Weedman, who experienced one of the more nightmarish clichés of infidelity, and tells the story.

Dear Sugar Radio is taking off Labor Day 2015 weekend. We'll be back next week with new episodes. In the meantime, we're reposting this episode from March 2015, "How Do I Survive The Critics?" with special guest George Saunders. We thought, going into the new school year, it's a good time to revisit the topic — how do we handle judgment about our work, even the harshest criticism?

There are those moments in all of our lives — sudden and radical — when we get spun around and everything feels out of our control. The Sugars take questions from two letter writers who have come to such moments.

The Sugars take a question from the mother of young twins. Her own mother left when she was two years old, and her stepmother was a controlling and manipulative presence in her life. The letter writer is afraid that these toxic experiences being mothered make her destined to fail as a mother.

In this episode, the Sugars take a question from a young woman whose boyfriend recently broke up with her because of questions about his sexuality. The letter writer is heartbroken and confused — and trying to figure out what it means and whether to wait around while he figures it out.

The Sugars take a question from a young woman who takes great pleasure in socializing. Her fiance, on the other hand, dreads group settings and gets very agitated every time she wants to go to an event together. She wonders what is so unpleasant for him about spending time with her and her friends.

In this episode, the Sugars take questions exclusively from teenagers. They answer two letters that get at the universal themes of adolescence — the sense of being alone, the fear of being left out, the desire to please others — and one letter from a teenager for whom outside forces have marked her teenage experience as different from her peers. The Sugars are joined by Tavi Gevinson, the 19-year-old founder and editor of Rookie, a digital magazine for teenage girls.

The Sugars take a question from a young man whose mother has metastatic breast cancer. He is spending a month back home in Kentucky over the summer, then returning to graduate school in the fall. He is wracked with guilt about not being with her, but also at the thought of her dying without knowing who he really is — a gay man in a family where homosexuality has always been condemned.

Love is complicated in the digital age. Many of us go online in search of connection, but those interactions often leave us feeling profoundly disconnected. The Sugars take on two questions that explore different ways in which we try to connect online - one from a married woman who finds herself caught up in an illicit relationship on Facebook, the other from a young woman who is obsessed with tracking her boyfriend's ex on Instagram.

The Sugars take a question from a young woman whose best friend since childhood is about to get married to a man she's known for only six months. The two friends are very different, and the letter writer worries that her impulsive, drama-prone friend is rushing into another bad situation. She wonders whether to confront her. The Sugars are joined by the author Ann Patchett

In this episode, the Sugars take a question from a young woman who came to the United States as an 11-year-old undocumented immigrant. After years of uncertainty and limbo, she is now poised to become a citizen, but wonders how she can ever make up for the time she lost. The Sugars are joined by the Pulitzer Prize-winning reporter Ruben Vives, who grew up under similar circumstances.

The Sugars take on a letter from a young woman who is a habitual liar — telling her friends about imagined experiences of rape and loss. The lying always seems to happen at a moment of emotional connectedness, when the letter writer wishes to share her feelings of sadness and depression, but struggles to find the right language to do so.

We all know the narrative of the good father. That's the father we all want, but it's not the father we all got. The Sugars take two questions on fatherhood — from a new father who fears that his depression will be felt by his baby daughter, and from a young woman who yearns for a deeper connection with her distant father.

Money makes us crazy. In this episode, the Sugars take questions from two letter writers struggling with complicated relationships to money. The first, an aspiring playwright, feels guilty about all the advantages that her parents' wealth has provided to her. The second, a divorced mother, is unable to control her spending and on the verge of bankruptcy.