The Grindr Survivr Podcast

In the last podcast, I was discussing my plans for a potential Grindr Survivr TV comedy.  But recently, I adapted the script into a short play, and I entered it in to The Upsetters open theater contest, and I am pleased to announce my play was selected!  Five plays were chosen out of 167 submissions.  

It's a huge honor, and it will be performed live on February 29th.  If you're based in London, come on down to the Bunker Theater for the Upsetters theatrical festival.  There's a 4pm showing and a 7:30pm showing. 

More info can be found here: 

https://www.bunkertheatre.com/whats-on/the-upsetters/book-now

In this podcast, I give a brief update as to why I haven't recorded any episodes recently.  Primarily, it's because I've been working on a scripted comedy that's inspired from my book Grindr Survivr How to Find Happiness in the Age of Hookup Apps. I've made some progress in getting some TV producers to look at it, but it's been keeping me away from recording podcasts. 

But I've also been confronting a level of cynicism as to whether my podcast is making a difference. However, out of my participation in a creativity course, I've renewed my commitment to keep recording conversations that make a difference in how members of the gay community think about their dating choices and treat each other as a group. 

In the latest episode of the Grindr Survivr podcast, I sat down with a PhD candidate/trainee-psychologist to discuss how you can boost your mental health and awareness while using dating apps such as Grindr and Tinder.

We discussed several elements of cognitive behavioral therapy, and we also delved into several chapters of my book, Grindr Survivr: How to Find Happiness the Age of Hookup Apps. In particular, we discussed and debated how apps can lead some people to spin out of control, the 10 Grindr Commandments and what you can do to get in touch with your commitments regarding love and relationships.

If you'd like to buy my book Grindr Survivr: How to Find Happiness in the Age of Hookup Apps, you can get it on Amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XVHQGDT

I recently caught up with Ballroom Icon Shannon Garçon, house mother and founder of the International House of Comme de Garçon.

He and I talked about how the ballroom community helped him overcome homelessness, the vogue icons he met in the 1980's, how he started his own house, and we even talked about Pose on FX and gay presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg.

It was a wide-ranging and inspiring conversation.

A few people have asked me to comment on the topic of fetishizing people of color on dating apps such as Grindr. So I decided to make this my next topic on the Grindr Survivr podcast.

I discuss my two (seemingly obvious) questions you can ask someone to determine whether someone online is interested in getting to know you as a person or whether they are fetishizing you as sex object.

Although it may seem obvious, in the context of chatting to someone you find attractive, some times these questions feel too intrusive or you may be fearful of looking "too sensitive" or "too PC." So I also discus some ways on how you can make it seem more organic and/or more polite.

But I promise you it's better to find these issues out sooner rather than later.

The next episode of the Grindr Surivr podcast began as a coaching session, where communications diva extraordinaire Jean Lloyd began training me on how to give better advice. But it then turned into a powerful conversation on how to support people who have gone through a traumatic event.

Jean also discussed the power of acceptance, both from the perspective of a friend who is trying to help, but also for those who have experienced trauma. Jean gives tips and techniques on how to accept the past negative experience, so people can begin to grow past them.

Please follow us on Instagram: Me - @grindrsurvivr Jean Lloyd @jeanlloydcommunication

In this next episode of the Grindr Survivr podcast, I spoke with Sandy Robbins, who's been leading, teaching and designing personal development and empowerment seminars for over 40 years (he incidentally runs a theater company as well).

Sandy explains precisely how human beings can broaden and expand their appreciation of beauty and how they can find beauty in unexpected places. And because this is a dating podcast, he and I discuss whether this can be applied to the area of dating (gay or straight). 

We also specifically discuss what to do when someone shows up to a date, and they don't look like their photos. 

If you enjoy this podcast, please subscribe and leave a positive review.  Check out my Instagram: @grindrsurvivr

And if you'd like to learn more about the courses Sandy Robbins designs and leads, please visit: https://www.landmarkworldwide.com/

In this latest episode of the Grindr Surivr podcast, I discuss how an ex boyfriend asked if we could be friends, but he refused to apologize or acknowledge any of the nasty things he had said and done to me in the past.

I think in the era of apps, when there is so much choice, people can become convinced that they are always right, and they are losing the ability to empathize with people that they have hurt.

A true apology isn't just texting "I'm sorry." It's getting the world of the other person: it's generating compassion for the pain they went through, and it's acknowledging that to their face. And if necessary, you should allow them to vent at you for a few minutes. That type of behavior is true "adulting." And if you can't learn to apologize in relationships, it will inevitably hamper your ability to find and sustain love.

In the latest Grindr Survivr podcast, I sat down with Denholm Spur, the star of the new web series: The Grass is Always Grindr. Prior to that you might have seen Denholm in both the Chem Sex Monologues and the HIV Monologues.

What you might not know is that he has created a successful acting career in spite of being homeless and struggling with drug usage. Kicked out of his home as a teenager, Deholm openly and courageously shares about his road to self acceptance, despite tremendous hardships and his hopes to help promote a more positive image of LGBT characters in British television.

Grindr was in the news twice this past week, and so it prompted me to do a quick podcast to update my listeners.  First, I discuss the Trump Treasury Department's decision to declare that ownership of Grindr by a Chinese company to be a national security risk. 

I also discuss the news where yet another person was using Grindr to find victims and attack them in Manchester, England.  I also explain why I no longer use Twitter to promote Grindr Survivr. 

For my next podcast, I sat down with Josh Rivers, the host and creator of the podcast Busy Being Black. Each week, Josh interviews notable queer people of color as they explore "how to live in the fullness of their queer black lives." Busy Being Black is an award-winning podcast with over 14,000 listeners worldwide.

I originally sat down to get some advice on how to create and grow an original podcast. But what started out as a simple conversation, grew into a deeper exploration of what it means to be a gay man in the age of Grindr and other dating apps. We discussed how the dating apps are merely one facet of a rapidly changing society and all of this contributes to how we engage in relationships or choose not to.

You can find Josh Rivers on Instagram: _joshrivers and _busybeingblack

You can find his podcast on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/b...

And if you are interested in my book Grindr Surivr: How to Find Happiness in the Age of Hookup Apps, you can find it here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XVHQGDT

Are you unknowingly sabotaging yourself in the areas of dating and relationships? 

In this episode, I was speaking to my friend Chris about dating apps in general and my book, among other things.  But when he opened up about a recent first date, the conversation moved in a completely different direction.  I began working with him to see how being hyper critical in dating can actually sabotage a potential miracle in his love life - and just days away from Valentine's Day. 

As you listen to my friend Chris and I speak, try to see where you might be sabotaging your love life by listening to the wrong people or the wrong conclusions you have in your head.  As I write in my book, Grindr Survivr, it's critical that you start looking at what you must have in a relationship to be happy and what is merely "icing on the cake."  Otherwise, your endless quest for perfection might just cause you to destroy something great before it's even started. 

If you enjoy this podcast, please like and subscribe! 

Facebook and Instagram: @grindrsurvivr

For my second Grindr Survivr podcast, I sat down with the founder of Gaymers Inc.: Britain's largest gay video game club. Gaymers Inc. has grown from just a few guys playing video games in each other's living rooms, to over 2,800 members.

We discuss their growth, how Gaymers has branched out of video games to become a community organization that seeks to bring together and connect gay people who might otherwise feel isolated from the larger mainstream gay society.

In the age of hookup apps, Gaymers Inc. provides a safe space for people to come together and make friends and engage in geeky camaraderie.

For more information, be sure to check out their website: http://gaymersinc.com

Twitter and Instagram: @gaymersinc

In my first podcast, I follow up with communications expert Jean Lloyd, where we discuss the special communication course she presented in December 2018 aimed specifically at gay men (MSM).

I ask her what she thinks is missing in the gay male (MSM) community. She discusses issues of body image, toxic masculinity, accepting yourself for who you are and other various issues. Without judgment or blame, Jean Lloyd provides a frank assessment for what gay men need to work on if they want to have long-lasting relationships.

You can find Jean Lloyd on Instagram: @jeanlloydcommunication Facebook: @jeanlloydcommunication Twitter: @coachjeanlloyd