The Heart

Axel Kacoutié brings you into his mind and his heart through rich sonic universe building. In this audio journey, he conjures sensations: warmth, light, and the feeling of waking up after having a disturbing dream.  Originally produced on the Constellations podcast.

“A man on the road is solitary,” the writer Vanessa Veselka said. “A woman on the road is just alone.” This is a spotlight episode via Bitchface Podcast, about a hitchhiked trip to Vegas and women with agency doing whatever the F they want.

Episode Four: Many listeners were left with lingering questions and thoughts after the first three episodes.  What do I tell my kids? What if my no DOES mean yes? What role does alcohol play in consent? In this episode, some Heart producers and Samara Breger (our trusted sex educator) unpack some blind spots and larger themes around consent. [Trigger Warning] Part of “No”, a mini-season. Produced with the generous support of the IWMF.

Episode Three: Kaitlin’s search for the answer to why coercion is so omnipresent lands her in one obvious place. Straight, cis-gendered men. In this episode, Kaitlin consults the men in her life that she trusts the most to see if they had ever pressured someone into having unwanted intimacy. But she knows she cannot end her search here. [Trigger Warning] Part of “No”, a mini-season. Produced with the generous support of the IWMF.

Episode Two: We catch up to Kaitlin while she is in her mid-twenties, waiting to fall in love. [Trigger Warning] Part of “No”, a mini season. Produced with the generous support of the IWMF.

Episode One: We meet young Kaitlin as she navigates her first sexual experiences and the confusions of girlhood. [Trigger Warning] Part of “No”, a mini-season. Produced with the generous support of the IWMF.

Our new season, starting May 9th. Kaitlin explores her sexual boundaries from youth to adulthood.

SUMMER ADVENTURE THROWBACK SPECIAL FROM ANCIENT HISTORY 2009. Circle K Max protection. Three women hitchhike across NewFoundland. Three soon-to-be-life-long-friends sing the Beatles waiting for a ride to Gros Mourne. Three become one: Two fly home and one slinky red dress wearing 23 yr old waits by the highway.  One black cost-co leggings wearing 40 yr old is horrified at the courage and naivity of her former self. Circle KP Max Protection. [thank you god]. SEEN IN THIS EPISODE circa 2026 Greg in the carwash. Nancy in the living room. Circa 2009: radio besties Britt and Courtney. Ryan the Viking who dropped us off at Gros Mourne and then came back 3 days later to save us from Gros Mourne. Billy: a friendly relic of pre-air bnb post hostel era: the age of couchcurf.com. Untitled Police Sargeant and CSIS (canadian CIA) officer who gave troubling advice.  (Some) Mysteries of the Unemployed Philosopher's Guild are revealed (but never explained). DONATE HERE*  *NB: eternal guild leader and president is not affliliated with guild fundraising. Her role is to bestow inspiration and hope via the gift and ethical paradox of her uncopyrighted image**; the breadth of her artistic and political legacy; and the great mystery that is: how she could be so famous while keeping such a big secret*** **(Union dues include one day making pilgrimmage and definitely giving any surplus funds to the family estate or the communist cause of which she was and is a beacon).   ***KP is the only current living member of the guild and therefore the sole beneficiary of donations. Thank you eternally.

Stealing the car to drive to a fancier suburb for yoga and coffee. Micro-dosing mushrooms. Reflections on rules broken and rules followed. Suicidal ideation spoken ofin a blasé and non-plussed manner. Therapy session wherein KP assures therapist in too much detail that she is not in danger of taking a step. I LOVE MY LIFE. True or False. Now or Then. The great return: being stressed about money.  Guild Propaganda: (Some) More mysteries are revealed. (But no secrets. All secrets have been NOT revealed. Or; kept. Donate to the guild here. Khalo be with you*.) Donations through this show or this company or this artist go straight to this show this company this artist. Thank you for sharing the fruits of your labour so more labour can make more fruit.)* *but not with the organization per se, nor its fundraising. Khalo is present in apparition capacities only.  *if art were a fruit, what fruit would it be? What fruit would your work be? Your art?

One year ago in June 2025 wearing combat boots in bed I watch Man on the Moon. A mad genius performs as a mad genius. Mozart dies writing death music in the director's cut of Amadeus. Two films by one director doing studies of artistic madness. A mad genius of radio tells me about the Tibetan Book of the Dead and I reflect on heaven and hell, after returning from a festival in Ireland hosted by another mad genius.  For all of you so inclined (who, like me, can't help it but waste a lot of effort trying to): LET THIS BE THE WEEK OF MADNESS. (And please g-o-d: let genius be the result.)  Listen to Scott Carrier talking to people in Beirut (May 2026).  Thank you g-o-d for the genius and the madness of Diarmuid MacIntyre and the welcoming hearts of Kilfinane.  Donate to the unemployed philosophers guild here!

The sound of the water in a river in Wissahickon, Philadelphia. An episode in honour of organizers. Greg aka my dad learns that most of the time we call "activism" "organizing" now. We listen to an episode made by Yowei Shaw, the investigative journalist of emotion. Nicole is an organizer who’s afraid to stop being angry. At the same time she is afraid NOT to stop being angry. Yowei connects Nicole with what she calls a "proxy"; someone who has experienced something similar. Lucky for us, this proxy is Deborah Gould, a member emeritus of the ICONIC gay rights organization: ACT UP. Happy pride month beautiesssss xoxo Donate to the guild (KP/the heart/mermaid palace) HERE.

Is done still better than perfect? Is the Canada goose a swan in less glamourous clothing? Are people who need people lucky or unlucky? The Queen of the Ducks (my bff Bekky) advises not to appear to be chasing the geese. The definition of sloth I printed out ends up being a diversion at the dinner table. "At least you're honest with yourself" says my Aunt Patti. The favorite podcast is not a podcast at all. It is: a VM from Yowei Shaw.  DONATE to the Unemployed Philosophers Guild HERE [N.B: its the same as donating to mermaid palace or KP]

A driveway moment. Time travel back to October 2020; the lover that Aliya Pabani once joked I was doing "straight womanhood" fetish play with; to everyone else it was just a conventional relationship wherein we performed traditional gender roles. We called him "the patriarch". A recording from the day of a breakup. Laurie Anderson inspired stasis.  DONATE to the Unemployed Philosopher's Guild (aka: KP + Mermaid Palace)

Typewriter ribbons, shutters, jays, french, dusty, periwinkle, the desk of a currently abandoned short film, a door that isn’t really blue. A non-practicing coven, a shack full of runner ducks, and a massive malamute dog named Maple. A World Series weekend at the Chantecleer and the Fox Flower farm and Studio, where KP spends most of her time when she is not in Suburban Paradise. DONATE to the Unemployed Philosopher's Guild (aka: KP + Mermaid Palace)

Parenthood vs Adulthood. Birds singing. Pen on paper. Play first work later. Admin avalanche. The customer is always right on hold. Daddy (age 68) saves the day with the anti-to do list. KP (age 38) gets a refund for a yearly subscription. Royal typewriter on loan from new bestie Bekky. The cement garden table after work.  DONATE to the Unemployed Philosopher's Guild (aka: KP + Mermaid Palace)

A series of episodes quietly created from her parents' garage in the sleepy government city of Ottawa. In an era of well-crafted tightly edited, lushly designed and rigorously vetted (either by the network execs that hold the purse strings, by the powers of the algorithm, or by the monster of our own digital footprint-fueled perfectionism), these new episodes do more than just show the hand of the maker, they extend open palms, bow, kneel and lay foreheads to the ground.  DONATE to the Unemployed Philosopher's Guild (aka: KP + Mermaid Palace)

[Ep 4 of 4 and more to come] We were all left with burning questions after the first three episodes. In the final installment of the original ‘NO’ series from 2017, KP and the team play VMs and read letters from the audience and have a big 'ol processing party with Samara Breger, former Heart producer, sex educator and more recently: queer romance novelist.  What do I tell my kids? What if my no DOES mean yes? How bad DOES he have to feel? How are racial dynamics similar? How do I not be depressed about humanity?  This is an extended version of the original episode from 2017, including more questions and more grappling. SEND KP YOUR THOUGHTS in VM form for the update-isode! DONATE to support the creation of a final episode telling the story of all that happened after this famed series aired; friendships rekindled, apologies made, mistakes repeated, lessons learned and unlearned and never learned and will she ever learn.  THANK YOU to all who have donated 100+ dollars! Look out for an email soon where you will receive unreleased writing and the story of what happened to KP and Jay after she made the series.

[Ep 3 of 4] Answers: Kaitlin’s search asking why coercion is so omnipresent lands her in one obvious place. Straight, cis-gendered men. In this episode, Kaitlin consults the men in her life that she loves, her friends, her father, her exes to see if they had ever pressured someone into having unwanted intimacy. But she knows she cannot end her search here. She must reach out to the men who have transgressed her to get their side of the story. Updates: we hear about the men who interviewed in the series and notable developments since 2017 in their journeys navigating gender, power and consent. DONATE to support the creation of a final episode telling the story of all that happened after this famed series aired; friendships rekindled, apologies made, mistakes repeated, lessons learned and unlearned and never learned and will she ever learn.  "Tending the Garden" is a new healing resource, launched by the Trauma Queen Jimanekia Eborn. FOLLOW THIS WOMAN.

[Ep 2 of 4] Why listen to this series now? KP's schpiel. And then: we catch up with our shero in her mid-twenties, waiting to fall in love. Over the years she has become an expert at advocating for her own pleasure. She has learned how to say no to the sex that she doesn’t want to have with tact and grace. Just as she thinks she has figured out the art of sexual negotiations, another unsettling experience becomes a catalyst for a search for answers. In the "reality check" section: we hear a 37 year old echoing the words of a 27 year old. An attempt at reconciliation gone wrong, the precursor for what we will hear in the next episode.  DONATEto support the creation of a final episode telling the story of all that happened after this famed series aired; friendships rekindled, apologies made, mistakes repeated, lessons learned and unlearned and never learned and will she ever learn.

[Ep 1 of 4] Inside a locked diary are the hopes and dreams of a little girl who wants one thing more than everything else: this little girl wants to be wanted.  [TW: SA] When the little girl becomes a teenager and her deepest want comes to pass, it turns out she doesn't want it. She wanted. . . something else. Something more?  Something less? Something sweeter. She doesn't know exactly what she wants, but she learns the hard way what she does not want.  "Advance" a non-psychedelic trip into my girlhood was originally produced in May 2017. It was named after the type of advance that is made flirtatiously (or threateningly or shyly and on and on).  In this 2025 update we lean into the double meaning:  HAVE WE ADVANCED ON THESE ISSUES SINCE 2017? OR HAVE WE...RETREATED? ['retreat' is listed as the opposite of the word 'advance' on dictionary dot com. Not a word we generally use in reference to this topic, and yet it feels like an interesting way to look at what we usually call "regression"]. Listen to decide for yourself, and then send us a voicememo with your thoughts to kaitlin@mermaidpalace.org.  2025 UPDATE FROM KP: Drove by North Dundas the other day on a joyride. The smoking tree is not small anymore.  DONATEto support the creation of a final episode detailing all that happened after this famed series aired; friendships rekindled, apologies made, mistakes repeated, lessons learned and unlearned and never learned and will we ever learn.

Revisiting NO: after 8 years and several disappointing hook-ups wherein KP found herself wondering if the world forgot the lessons that shook 2017; she decides it's high time to listen again to the series that brings you inside of a 'no' that sounds like a 'yes', and all the 'yes's that really wanted to be 'no's.  ----------- Donate to Mermaid Palace! Exciting new projects incubating in need of anti-capitalist support aka indie financing. Thank you to all who already donate, it makes a big difference and we love you <3 Sign up to get our trianual newsletter: the one email KP writes per every three years.  Support the Jaber kids in their studies <3

In 2024 Ashtar Theatre started a new project: letters to Gaza.  When Tarneem sat down to write a letter to her home, this work of poetry emerged in only a couple of hours. We didn't edit a single word.  It’s been 6 months since she left her home in the north of Gaza. Every day she watches the news and prays for her family, her friends, her people. She waits for the world to wake up. She waits to see her pain reflected and acknowledged. Heartbroken and determined she wonders, “are we not even entitled to nostalgia?” The letter was written and recorded by Tarneem Jaber, age 19. Music and sound design directed by Ahmad Jaber. HELP AHMAD ENROLL IN UNIVERSITY: He found a university in Turkey that will accept his credits and let him continue from where he left off. We need 7k more to make enough for tuition! GET THIS YOUNG MAN INTO SCHOOL HERE.

This episode was named months ago: a prayer, a wish shared by one Tarneem Jaber and one Kaitlin Prest. "THE GENOCIDE IS A MEMORY, NOT AN ANNIVERSARY". The genocide has gotten even more terrifying as we mark an entire year of slaughter, terror and complacency. Attacks are now zeroing in on the North of Gaza: the home of Ahmad Tarneem and Hamza. Every day, sometimes every hour they try to call their mother and oldest brother (and his wife, who just had a baby) who are still there, with no way to escape.  At the same time, we reflect on an entire year of collaboration, awakening and creation. Ahmad Jaber celebrates a birthday that only reminds him of a year of his youth he has lost. In the penultimate episode of the series, KP, Ahmad, Tarneem and the rest of the team take stock of the past, the future and the way we and the world will never be the same.  Help Ahmad Jaber enroll in University HERE. THE UPDATE: it is half way through the semester, he was accepted at a University in Turkey that will allow him to continue from where he left off! He cannot enroll unless we can make enough for tuition: 7k remaining!

Artist and business owner Doreen Toutikian, founder of Beirut Design Week (and many other beautiful things that she’s had to leave in her past due to war) sits down with KP on February 23rd 2024 and performs monologue #10: Taima Okasha. She reflects on growing up hiding from bombs, the “Palestinian exception” anti-Palestinian racism in the arts and her fears of what might happen to her own home, Lebanon, if Israel is not stopped.  Six months and many voice memos later, some of the fears Doreen expressed in her interview start to occur as Israel attacks Lebanon.  "This is some black mirror shit. We've never seen anything like this." says Doreen.  Support Doreen's newest venture Omgyno! Help the Jaber Trifecta finish med school!

Audio artist and organizer Aliya Pabani takes Gaza Monologue #19 and binaural in-ear microphones (be sure to listen for the 3-dimensional effect: listen in headphones and you will walk with her) to a Toronto branch of the largest worldwide financier of weapons used by Israel.

“Before, you could count how many buildings they destroyed. Now, you count how many buildings they didn’t destroy” — Tarneem Jaber Tarneem Jaber (19 yrs old)  was starting her first week of med school on October 7th. Her brother Ahmad  (21 yrs old) was in his third year of dental school with only two remaining. Hamza, the oldest (24 yrs old), was supposed to graduate this June: He was a volunteer at Al-Shifa until it was obliterated. The three siblings survived the destruction of their home, food shortages, a long journey to the border, and finding an apartment to rent in Cairo, Egypt. Only a few weeks later they were doing an interview on zoom with a Canadian for a feminist podcast they’d never heard of, telling the story of what they lived and what goes on for the loved ones they left behind. Each of the Jaber siblings chooses a monologue to read: Hamza reads #30: Yasmeen Abu Amer. Ahmad reads #8: Ehab Elayan. Tarneem reads #13: Reema El Sadi. "We relate to every single word in this monologue," Tarneem says. "But this war, is worse than anything we lived before." Support them to complete their mother's parting wish: to finish their education. Thrust into complete independence and faced with international student fees and paying over again for years they already completed, these three brilliant students need your help to fix problems they never should have had to face.Please follow our link: https://gofund.me/854be259

Comedian Alaa Shahada talks about artist life in Jenin, West Bank. We hear a radiomagic excerpt of his one-man show "The Horse of Jenin". He talks about his dreams for the future of Palestine and performs Gaza Monologue #22 Mahmud Abu Shaa’ban.  Alaa is a graduate of the Nobel prize nominated Freedom Theatre acting and the co-founder of the Palestine Comedy Club. EASE ANY GUILT YOU FEEL ABOUT WHERE YOUR TAX DOLLARS GO BY SUPPORTING SOME BRILLIANT KIDS TO FINISH THEIR EDUCATION.

Ali Dajani grew up in Jordan and studied in Canada, where he met KP, the friend that sits down with him in his Amsterdam home to read Gaza Monologue #1: the story of Ahmad El Ruzzi. Ali's paternal grandfather left Jerusalem in 1948. "What happened in 1948?" our radio friend asks. They both laugh. She apologizes for her ignorance. He begins to explain.  Discussions of whether the cute-ass canals and oh-my-god-there’s-a-boat’s will become his permanent home frame the recording of the first monologue in Ashtar Theatre’s play:  Ahmad El Ruzzi from Al Wehda street, who was 17 years old when he wrote the story of his experience of power outages, trust issues and karma. PLEASE DONATE TO OUR FRIENDS FROM GAZA WHO LOST EVERYTHING AND I MEAN EVERYTHING. If you can afford it: consider donating a thousand dollars and giving up 2 - 5 fancy dinners or 10 take-out meals for you and your boo — if 150 people donate 1k each, these young people don’t have to wait and watch donations trickle in over the course of the next few months. Afford them the security of knowing they have some power over their future.

“You don’t know what it means to be Black because you don’t know what it means to be one thing. Who is when you know you are a brother and a son, a lover and a friend. Sometimes you say you’re Ivorian. And other times you say “je suis Ivorien” which means you feel more French than British until you go to France where your French isn’t French enough. When you come back, you feel more British than Ivorian, until you’re offered tea. Or learn something about this country that puts you on the outside again.” Axel Kacoutié’s sonic meditation on Blackness and identity. The final episode of our three part feature of Axel’s work.  Originally produced for BBC Radio 4, Shortcuts. Edited by Eleanor McDowell.

A dreamlike exploration of depression in the underground.  Inspired in part by a bruised and beautiful looking cloud at sunset, we follow Axel Kacoutié on a subway ride home. In response to Emily Dickinson's poem 'Hope is the thing with feathers', this work was originally produced for BBC’s Between the Ears, from Falling Tree Productions. Edited by the great Eleanor McDowall.

"It's kind of corny, but I think about this quote from Che Guevara: "the true revolutionary is guided by feelings of great love." Aliya Pabani, artist, organizer and collaborator.  A glimpse into the friends and friends of friends that share their stories in our upcoming series: an adaptation of the Gaza Monologues by Ashtar Theatre (Ramallah). A group of artists, activists and students from Palestine and beyond read the famed monologues from 2010. Speaking words written by teenagers experiencing war in Gaza over a decade ago, we reflect on what's happening today. “We relate with every single word in this monologue. [But] this is bigger than any war we’ve lived before.” Tarneem Jaber.  Please give generously to the young people from Gaza who shared their stories in the series: empower them to reclaim their dreams HERE.  Music: : Marj Ibn Amer - Muqata’a 

In this update-isode, we follow KP's whereabouts and goings-on since the Processing Palestine episode and the events that led to the genesis of our upcoming series: GREAT LOVE: The Gaza Monologues Revisited.  Responding to Ashtar Theatre’s global call to share testimonies from young Gazans first performed in 2010, the series features a chain of personal connections from New York to Toronto to Jordan to Athens to Beirut to Nazareth to Jenin and most importantly: to Gaza. Connections that were forged in a moment of grief and at the same time share some dark-as-hell comedy, appreciation for the sublime, a little too much wine and the most important kind of love: the kind that makes you care about people far away that you haven't met yet.  PLZ PLZ PLZ DONATE TO THE MERMAID JABER  SCHOLARSHIP FUND PLZ PLZ PLZ  [this is kp and she is on her knees begging you with tears in her eyes mkay] AKA the GO FUND ME we made: https://gofund.me/159b10af Music Credits:  Simya - Muqata’a [Kamil Manqus]  Mayss Invites Xlmxhkfi (in The Ruins Of A Tender Hearts) Mayssa Jallad - Markaz Azraq (December 6)

KP says sweet nothings about the great love of her life: SOUND.  A shared moment and meditation: recorded at 4AM in Athens Greece with the window open as the rain fell, gazing at the Athenian mountains aka: former home of the Gods. Use this episode like you would a meditation app: come back to it when you need a moment of peace. Take out the meditation pillow. Play it when you’re taking psychedelic drugs. Use it to relax during your break at work. Play it with a group of friends on a road trip. Play while you take a bath. Half ambient music, half guided meditation, half transcendental experience across the space-time continuum.  Don't forget to DONATE to Mermaid Palace <3 We need your dollars to keep making feminist sound art! In this episode:  Zeus [from KP: this was not staged. the moment I mentioned his name, he threw a thunderbolt and I happened to be recording. I share the moment AS IS.] The apartment of the badass artist and feminist Doreen Toutikian (check out her work! For pix of her gorgeous pad: follow KP on insta @kaitlinprest).  An audience in LA singing with KP:  the premiere of this performance, originally commissioned by the On Air Festival 2019. (thanks Scott and Jemma!).  An audience in Milan singing with KP:  the reason she was in Europe! (thank you to the friends who came all the way to Milan to see the piece: Juj, Ali, Rosa, Ariel and Doreen. Thank you Sarah, Martina and Andrea from Chora Media, and to the opera singers who practiced in the conservatory as KP walked in to do her sound check). Send us a recording of you singing along at hello@mermaidpalace.org!

The love story underneath the love story. We finally meet the real-life Charlie Park. Audio artist and friend Brendan Baker: the sound genius who inspired and supported KP to be the artist she is today. Real moments from the real relationship that started it all.  If you are an artist or a writer interested in the complicated journey of translating real life into a fictional universe, this one is for you. If you are a regular human being interested in how love is born and grows and changes over the course of decades, this one is for you. We start with a full length audio doc about all of that.  And then: the end of a romance. The anatomy of a breakup. The final chapter of “The Shadows”. This is the 6th episode of The Shadows, from CBC Podcasts. Made by Kaitlin Prest with production and co-writing from Phoebe Wang, editing by Sharon Mashihi, and associate production by Yasmine Mathurin. Cameos from Greg, Nancy, and Natalie Prest, Eliot Feenstra, Ian Field Stewart Raven Castle and the residency SMT. You hear Brendan Baker’s award-winning creations from the Love+Radio era. He is an audio fiction director, composer, and installation artist specializing in spatial audio and ambisonics currently scanning the horizon for his next big creative project.  Leonard Cohen clip from “Leonard And Marianne” - Falling Tree Productions

The original unpublished title was “Anatomy of a Resentment”. This episode chronicles the era of a relationship wherein every minor annoyance is a symbol of the very major sacrifices we make to accommodate the shortcomings of the person we love.  The story underneath the story: Mitchell Akiyama and KP spending 80+ hours pretending to be in a relationship in the summer of 2018. Fortunately, the frustrations you hear in this episode are (mostly) fiction. Six years later, Mitch and KP are Toronto besties.  This is episode 5 of The Shadows, from CBC Podcasts, written and directed by Kaitlin Prest with production and sound design help from senior producer Phoebe Wang. Story editing by Sharon Mashihi. Associate producer Yasmine Mathurin made this episode sparkle. Mitchell Akiyama as Charlie Park with cameos from Kaitlin’s friends as well as Greg, Nancy, and Natalie Prest. Assistant production on this episode of The Heart by Yasaman Mansoori.

What is love? What is it really? bell hooks writes that love is something that we do. Not something that we feel. Not a story. So what do we do when we’re inside of a love that feels like a great love of the ages? The kind of romance that has a life of its own?  The story underneath the story in this episode is meeting Johnny Spence. The performer and musician that breathed life into the character “Devon”. Former owner of sweater.  This is episode 4 of The Shadows, from CBC Podcasts,  made by Kaitlin Prest in collaboration with Phoebe Wang. Musician and artist Johnny Spence performs as Devon. Mitchell Akiyama as Charlie Park. Edited by Sharon Mashihi. Appearances by playwright and animator (former puppeteer) Bekky O’Neill and Max Kelly. Assistant production on this episode by Yasaman Mansoori.

There are certain kinds of things a sweater spends its life dreaming about. Primarily: achieving the coveted position of: favourite.  The story underneath the story of this episode is one that we will never tell. What we CAN tell: is that the sweater who speaks in this episode is real and it lives to this very day in KP’s trunk. It was given to her in the year 2014, 9 years ago this very week of November. She washed the sweater once and only once since then. The last time she wore it was last week.  This is episode 3 of The Shadows, made by Kaitlin Prest in collaboration with Phoebe Wang and CBC Podcasts. Musician and artist Johnny Spence performs as Devon. Radio goddess Veronica Simmonds performs as Jean Simmonds. The series was edited by Sharon Mashihi, who also appears in this episode as the other sweaters abandoned in the sweater graveyard.  “Palestine is a feminist issue”, Yazan Zahzah. Keep showing up.  Donate to Ashtar Theater’s initiative for psycho-social relief interventions for affected youth in Ramallah. If you like this show and the other incredible shows on Radiotopia like Weight For It, Hang Up, Normal Gossip, Articles of Interest, The Stoop and more, participate in our fundraiser!

A window into the set-up from which an audio heartthrob emerged: Charlie Park. A neurotic and immensely talented puppeteer conceived of by artist Phoebe Wang and performed by sound artist Mitchell Akiyama.  This is episode 2 of The Shadows from CBC Podcasts: an auto-fictional series in which KP explores the life she would have had if she’d become a puppeteer instead of a radio producer. There IS a Terry Gross cameo in this episode. Listen closely. You also hear the real life puppetry aficionados: Jessie Orr, Max Kelly and Bekky O’Neil.  It’s fundraiser time! Donate to Radiotopia to support new Heart content and all of the other incredible shows on the network. We need your help to make more beautiful and heartfelt audio!  AND: Don’t forget to call your representatives and support a ceasefire in Palestine.  In the U.S.  In Canada.  In the U.K. Jewish Voice for Peace

Surprise, it’s a holiday special! Join us for a little queer holiday cheer as journalist America Stevens tracks down Santa’s older, gayer, drunker, sister… Sandy Claus. This piece is an adaptation of a live show written and performed by comedian, Kristen Becker. Produced by Katie Fitzgerald.

As people all over the world grieve and struggle, KP invites you to take a moment to reflect, meditate, pray, manifest and grapple with the question of what those of us who are not there can do. Links and Resources from this episode: How to Stop a Genocide (while in the global north), Hussan S.K The Inside Story Podcast: What Influence Can International Opinion Have on the War In Gaza? [Al Jazeera] Jewish Voice for Peace: visit this site for straightforward actions to take in the U.S.A Save Palestine: Justice for All Canada: visit this site for straightforward actions to take in Canada 5 Solidarity Actions You Can Take in the UK Do Better: Spiritual Activism for Fighting and Healing from White Supremacy by Rachel Ricketts @officialjakegyllenhalal MC Abdul Thank you to all of the friends of KP who lent their voices and their experiences to this episode.

The story underneath the story: what happened after we made “Movies In Your Head”. In a clawfoot bathtub moaning in agony, “The Shadows” was conceived. KP’s first serialized fiction show: the story of having to choose between romanticism and realism.  Does the fairy tale really exist? Or does it only exist at the beginning of a relationship? Our main character believes that she’ll be one of the outliers who will fall in love, and stay in love FOREVER.   Featuring: episode 1 of “The Shadows” from CBC Podcasts. Edited by Sharon Mashihi, senior produced by Phoebe Wang, written directed and performed by Kaitlin Prest. Performances by Mitchell Akiyama, Jessie Orr, Max Kelly, Bekky O’Neil, Meagan Castle, Harry Knazan, Rizz Young. Special thanks to Haley Lewis. You hear the real Rumi restaurant in this episode. You can find this beautiful establishment on rue Hutchinson in Montreal.

Have you ever fallen a little too hard a little too fast in love with someone you’ve just met? Have you ever caught yourself imagining the beautiful house in the country the two of you would grow old together in? We go back in time to the era before the term ‘ghosting’ had been coined and explore the phenomenon that Ayinde Bennett calls “making movies in your head”.  Featuring: the Prix Italia Gold Award winning radio play (the first podcast to win a Prix Italia! That’s some radio history!) co-created with composer and sound designer Shani Aviram. Associate production by Shira Bannerman, editing and performance by Mitra Kaboli, advising by Sharon Mashihi, performed written and directed by Kaitlin Prest, art by Jen Ng.

All parents shape our identities. Phoebe’s affluent white parents made a particular set of choices to raise her in an all-white neighborhood with a sordid history. Phoebe investigates what she inherited as a result. Part 3 of a 3 part series. Produced by Phoebe Unter, edited by Sharon Mashihi and hosted by Kaitlin Prest.

In a community with a strict “no new white friends” policy, Phoebe asks: how does my being white affect our relationship? Part 2 of a 3 part series. Produced by Phoebe Unter, edited by Sharon Mashihi and hosted by Kaitlin Prest. Featuring Nicole Kelly & Kamala Puligandla.

Phoebe is surprised to learn that even she, an angry Jewish dyke, still participates in upholding white supremacy culture. Part 1 of a 3 part series. Produced by Phoebe Unter, edited by Sharon Mashihi and hosted by Kaitlin Prest.

When trauma is held in the individual and collective body, shame, grief, and rage are passed down for generations. Part 3 of a 3 part series. Divesting From People Pleasing is a mini series produced by Nicole Kelly, edited by Chiquita Paschal, and hosted by Kaitlin Prest.

The body has information. Part 2 of a 3 part series. Divesting From People Pleasing is a mini series produced by Nicole Kelly, edited by Chiquita Paschal.

As NK gets older, she gets smaller, she gets more and more quiet. But the self loathing voice in her head just gets louder. Part 1 of a 3 part series. Divesting From People Pleasing is a mini series produced by Nicole Kelly, edited by Chiquita Paschal.

How NK & Phoebe fell in art love.

In the final episode of the series Kaitlin isn't sure whether or not she truly wants to get into it with her father. Kaitlin is conflicted. Is having one last conversation with her Dad on tape a good idea? Does she have the courage to confront her dad face to face? Resources for accountability and healing at https://www.theheartradio.org/dad

Episode 3: At age 33, Kaitlin is stranded living with her parents in Ottawa, living in their basement just like she did when she was a teenager. It's the first time she and her dad have lived together since the period the family euphemistically calls 'the dark years'. Trigger Warning - discussion and depictions of parental abuse. For resources go to theheartradio.org/dad

This story is part of Radiotopia’s network-wide theme, Doing Time. In the early 2000’s, Kathleen reads through the personal ads of a magazine; on a whim, she writes to a man. Thus begins a relationship with the greatest love of her life. ‘Private family visits’ is the correct term for conjugal visits. Its purpose is not just for sex, but to help maintain strong relationships between inmates and their families. Studies have shown that private family visits can help reduce recidivism. Original interviews by Dee LaComte.

Local Honey is a transfemme performance artist and musician living in New Orleans. Let her modulated voice and soft giggles croon you into her reality, where feminine sound is a weapon, a force, a celebration. Local Honey explores family, performance, noise, trauma and gender. Ep 4 of ‘Pansy’: A season where masculinity and femininity meet. Credits: Writing and music by Local Honey. Production support from Julia Alsop. Editorial Support from Cassie Wagler. Special thanks to Julia Serano.

Episode 2: Kaitlin's father, Greg, proudly claims the title of mister mom in 1986. He's always wanted to be a dad. When the apple of his eye enters her tween years and starts hating him he struggles to be the kind of dad he thought he should be. Trigger Warning: topics related to parental abuse, trauma, self-gaslighting, gaslighting. For resources go to theheartradio.org/dad

Episode 1: Kaitlin and her Dad fought so much when she was a teenager that the family calls those years '“World War III”. She tells the story of what happened after she left home and decided to love him anyway. As she became an adult, therapists and friends urged her to examine what really happened in those years. When she tries to talk about it with the family, she knows she has a big decision to make. Trigger Warning: topics related to parental abuse, trauma, self-gaslighting, gaslighting, defensiveness, victim blaming Resources at theheartradio.org/dad

Kaitlin and Natalie Prest do a post-game analysis after creating the 5 episode series: SISTERS. The two sisters unpack all the things that didn’t get said in the narrative series, discuss topics that were raised and answer a couple of listener questions. The sisters open up about their personal experiences touching on topics such as mental health, diagnoses, self-care, borderline personality disorder, dialectical based therapy, and methods to ask for help from loved ones during times of struggle.

Kaitlin and Natalie try to create boundaries for the first time in their lifelong relationship. They work to navigate their relationship together and separately. As they embark on creating the final episode of this series, they realize they are having fun again.

We go back in time to before Kaitlin hired Natalie. She brings us inside of her uncertain world, and her journey to figure out what is wrong.  TRIGGER WARNING: suicidal ideation, reference to childhood and sexual trauma (no depictions), borderline personality disorder

It’s the pandemic, and KP hires her younger sister to work at her company. As an assistant producer. Natalie is having flashbacks to their youth, when she performed as the butler at Kaitlin’s dinner parties. Is this the new version of the butler role? As they set out to make art together, attempting to do it in a way that doesn’t reinforce old childhood patterns Natalie finally sees who Kaitlin is on a day to day basis. TW: suicidal ideation, depression, anxiety, alcohol.

Natalie and Kaitlin go into their 20s living separate and faraway lives. Kaitlin comes home from New York for christmas every year, and they hug and talk into the night, falling asleep spooning like they did when they were little girls. Kaitlin makes a grand gesture and buys tickets to go on a special sister adventure: to the Jem and Holograms Convention. What ends up happening at the convention is something neither of them saw coming.

Kaitlin was Daddy’s little girl. And then: Natalie was born. The older and the younger sister: competing for attention, being bossed around, borrowing clothes, getting in petty fights and loving each other anyway. As little girls Kaitlin and Natalie fought because they were too similar. As teenagers Kaitlin and Natalie fought because they were total opposites. What does their adult future hold? Will they be friends or a family obligation? TW: Light reference to abusive parental behaviour. No mentions of physical violence. For resources on parental child abuse go to theheartradio.org/sisters

She’s the talented one. She’s the hard worker. She’s the pretty one. She’s the one that Dad likes more….SISTERS. A preview into our newest series coming to you February 14th: on the day the world celebrates love, we celebrate Sisterhood. The new season is coming to you as part of a brand new partnership with the incredible: CBC Podcasts!

Melanie, her family (the voices in her head), and her ill-fated lover discuss potentially having a baby, and her first pregnancy 9 years ago. Appearances is an audio mindtrip by Sharon Mashihi and Mermaid Palace. Subscribe to the series where you listen to podcasts, or on MermaidPalace.org/Appearances.

Meet Goldie. The cycle begins, in episode 1 of Asking For It, a new fictional series from Mermaid Palace.

It’s here. Finally. All 6 episodes of The Shadows, presented by Kaitlin Prest and CBC Podcasts. Subscribe to The Shadows. Follow on Insta / Twitter at @theshadowscbc. You can find our FB group here.

Samara and Kelsey got hitched. We celebrate their marriage by re-releasing this episode (originally ‘Samara + Kelsey’) with a life / wife update.   This episode was originally produced by Samara Breger with The Heart.

Welcome to The Heart. We’ve been in operation for 14 years! What’s next? An overview for those new to the feed. And a window into what double double toil and radio we’ve been cooking up for 2022. Support The Heart and donate to Radiotopia Now! https://on.prx.org/3HK9OIh. From the bottom of our hearts, Thank you!

Love found in an unlikely place: a natural disaster. As we cozy down and prepare to say goodbye to 2020, The Heart is here to wish you all some pandemic love for 2021.

Named after the very bedroom within which many of the episodes of The Heart were made. In this ep you heard the singing of Sharon Mashihi and phone answering of Mooj Zadie. The manifesto writing of Nicole Kelly and Phoebe Unter, the mic meandering of Dylan Gauche, the phone answering of Mooj Zadie, the song of Drew Denny and Christina Gaillard and the big dream of Kaitlin Prest. Additional credits: Jen Ng, Mo LaBorde, Allie Pinel, Chiquita Paschal, AJ Moultrie, Sarah Rose, Allison Light, Caitlin Thompson, Rider Alsop, Bianca Grimshaw, Alexandria Fisk, and one long phone call with Jenna Weiss Berman. Extra special thanks to Jen Ng, our design queen. You can see her incredible work on the website, www.mermaidpalace.org.

Kaitlin has a dream, and The Heart says goodbye (for now). Listen on headphones. Produced by Kaitlin Prest with help from Phoebe Wang. Thank you to all of the listeners who sent us your voices so KP could meet you on the moon. In this episode, you also heard the voices of Mitra Kaboli, Phoebe Wang, Jen Ng, Sharon Mashihi, Samara Breger, Meg Bell, Jessica Grosman, Pejk Malinovski, Sean Cole, Lulu Miller, Veronica Simmonds, Johnny Spence, Nancy Prest, Natalie Prest, Allen Watts and Brendan Baker. Music by Inne Eysermans, special thanks to Katharina Smets. If you wanna keep up with KP: ~*click here*~

In 2018, The Heart will be taking a break. ~* The Secret Link *~

Sharon is a weirdo and refuses to conform to cultural standards. Her mom does not approve. They confront their longstanding differences on a Persian self-help cruise.

Growing up, Phoebe was a Jesus kid. In college, after Tinder-swiping her way to gayness, she comes out to Christians and hopes that they’ll accept her. In this episode, Phoebe goes on a mission to find out how people with fundamentally different beliefs, can be friends.

There is a way that these narratives are supposed to go. But life isn’t simple and linear, it’s messy and loud, and everything keeps coming back again and again and again. This piece by Dylan Gauche won the Best Student award at the 2017 Hearsay International Audio Festival. [Trigger Warning]

Being a queer or trans person of color is hard anywhere, but can feel especially isolating if you’re living in Seattle, WA. A heavily fractured city that is undergoing massive gentrification. Darqness, an electronic music collective, is working to dismantle that and bring QTPOC together.  Producer Ellie Lightfoot, a Seattle native, spent the last year with this seven person crew to find out why these parties are so necessary.

Maria is a poet and activist living in Houston, Texas who Mitra spent a few days with.  Mitra got to meet some of Maria’s family, hung out with her pets and ate delicious food during her time with Maria. For Maria’s whole life all she has wanted was breasts. Big breasts to be specific. This story follows the poet, Maria from childhood to adolescence to womanhood.  In this piece you heard poetry from book Poetic Confessions Vol 1 and more.  To learn more about Maria’s work you can check out her website. Maria is also the co-founder of The National Women with Disabilities Empowerment Forum.

For years, Cassie has been plagued with an itch in her butt. The itch has travelled with her across the country, from one apartment to the next and transcended all of her major relationships. Cassie talks to past and present partners to see what they think she is up to when she is scratchin’ her bum late at night.

Abigail wants to have penetrative sex but it’s not working. She is worried it’s her fault or at least her vagina’s fault. In her quest to find out why she cannot have penetrative sex, Abigail finds an essay called Frigid and a community of women who have similar issues. In talking to them she realizes that her partner’s are contributing force to her pain and discomfort during sex.

Arranged marriages, although they sound scary to our Western ears, are considered extremely successful. Divorce rates are much lower. But those are statistics. What about being in love with the person that you married? A Harvard study found that partners in arranged marriages, over time, end up being more in love than couples who marry for love. Our friend Ryan Kailath has known this his whole life, because he grew up with it. His parents met for 15 minutes before they married. *Includes the trailer for our upcoming season, “No.”

Some say there are as many genders as there are people.  And even more ways to creatively think about and claim them. In this story, Allen’s gender is complicated by a discovery he makes through meditation. Ep 3 of ‘Pansy’: A season about where masculinity and femininity meet. Credits:   Written and produced by Allen J. Watts. Production support from Julia Alsop. Editorial support from Cassie Wagler.

Blake’s crushing. Hard. On his new best friend and favorite person: Korry. They spend every day together. They sleep in the same bed together. They plan their futures together. But there are signs that show that Korry might not be feeling the same way about Blake. Blake begins to suspect it has something to do with the fact that Korry’s attracted to straight-acting, masculine-looking, manly men.   And Korry’s not alone. In this episode, we continue our conversation on gender and femininity and look at what happens when we move out of the heterosexual dating world and into the queer one. Kaitlin assumed that gay and queer life is one big femme-loving genderfuck. But flipping through gay hook-up apps, it’s easy to spot a “no fats, no femmes” trend. So what’s the deal? Ep 2 of “Pansy”: A season about where masculinity and femininity meet. Credits:   Produced with Julia Alsop. Editorial support by Cassie Wagler. Special thanks to the folks at the Food 4 Thot Podcast and to Julia Serano.

Todd once loved a woman. And she loved him back, but there was one thing that she just couldn’t get over, he twirls. This piece explores what it means to be effeminate when you’re a straight cis-dude. Kaitlin talks to men who embrace and resist their femininity. Ep 1 of “Pansy”: A season of stories about letting your feminine flag fly. Produced with help from Julia Alsop and editorial support from Cassie Wagler. Special thanks to Julia Serrano.

We end our series with a final ghost; it’s you. Every time I hear that song, you’re next to me. Whether I like it or not. In a cafe, in my bedroom, when I watch that stupid vampire series. The ache pains me but what’s worse is knowing that some day, maybe not too long from now, the pain will go away. Special thanks to Damien Luxe who voiced this story for us.

Featuring never-before-heard scenes and a post-award interview with Mariya Karimjee, this is an extended version of the award winning documentary, “Mariya.” A story about Mariya’s journey to figure out sex after FGM. Released in May 2016, “Mariya” received the Gold Award (Best Documentary) at the Third Coast International Audio Festival. Mariya Karimjee is a writer based in Karachi, Pakistan. Read her original essay here. Editorial support from Brendan Baker, Allen Watts, Kelsey Padgett, Samara Breger and Nadia Bajwa. Additional support from Kari June. Another version of this story can be heard on This American Life.

Have you ever had a friend you thought you might be in love with? Have you ever slept in a bed beside this person, and wondered if your hand was grazing yours on purpose? Sharon receives emails from Harry, a not-so-secret admirer. It’s her best friend Kaitlin. Sharon is (mostly) straight, but could Kaitlin be the man of her dreams? Years after Kaitlin wrote those emails, the two friends sit down to talk about them and what they meant. They ask each other the questions that have always been beneath the surface of their friendship. This episode was originally produced by Kaitlin Prest and Sharon Mashihi for the Love Letters episode of Audio Smut in 2014.

This episode is a rerun of Mouthwash, in honor of the late Helen Breger and all of our grandparents’ salacious histories. Produced by Samara Breger with The Heart.

In a suitcase full of books and papers there is a little notebook with a bear sitting alone in a hot air balloon. This journal is one of the only things Alex saved when they got rid of all their possessions and moved to Ohio. The journal is filled with accounts of the life and the love they left behind. This episode was written by Alex DiFrancesco with production help from Julia Alsop. Alex DiFrancesco’s work has appeared in The Carolina Quarterly, The New Ohio Review, and Brevity. Their first novel, a radical acid western called [The Devils That Have Come to Stay](https://www.amazon.com/Devils-That-Have-Come-Stay-ebook/dp/B00T4VVCE4/ref=redirmobiledesktop?ie=UTF8&noEncodingTag=1&qid=1422649392&redirectFromSS=1&ref=tmmkintitle0&sr=8-1), was published in 2015.

Ashley’s Livejournal features the angsty outpourings of a teenager from the early 2000s living in Southwest Florida. Just like many who came of age at the time, she flushed feelings out into the anonymous online public. Looking back on these entries, Ashley tries to read into what was really happening beneath the surface.

At the back of a closet, in a cardboard box, writer Tina Horn’s diaries gather dust. In the box there are girlhood diaries covered in collages of unicorns, dragons and David Duchovny. There are mixtapes with fat multicolored glitter and there are simple, spiral bound notebooks filled with obscenities. This episode is part of the Diaries mini season and was written by Tina Horn. Tina is a Lambda Literary Fellow and the recipient of two Feminist Porn Awards. Check out Tina’s podcast and more.

Writer Molly Osberg has carried her journals to every house she’s lived in since 2007. They’re decorated with pictures of her and her friends’ faces smooshed together, one friend in particular; Amelia. Molly and Amelia met in detention and were inseparable for most of high school. Together they learned how to become the people that they are today. This episode is part of the Diaries mini season, and was written by Molly Osberg. Special thanks to Allen Watts, John Walker and Amelia.

Sophie Townsend has been a widow for a year and a half. She is too busy taking care of her children to entertain the idea of dating, until a man compliments her shoes. Voicing by Andy Leonard. Produced by CBC’s Love Me with Sophie Townsend.

A conversation between mother, Sophie Townsend and daughter, Anna about Mr. Fix-it, husband and father. Produced by Sophie Townsend and Marty Peralta for The Hearsay International Audio Festival.

Episode four of Silent Evidence; one woman’s story of childhood sexual abuse. In the final episode of the Silent Evidence mini-season, Kaitlin and Tennessee sit down and talk about what happened and didn’t happen in the last three episodes. Discussion topics in this episode: Dr. Youssefi, Restorative Justice, Being in Crisis, & Silence. Find out more aboutSilent Evidence. Produced by Tennessee Watson and Kaitlin Prest with The Heart. Editing by Sharon Mashihi and Mitra Kaboli. Assistant Production by Ashley Cortez. This project was made possible with funding from the IWMF Howard G. Buffett Fund for Women Journalists.

Episode three of Silent Evidence; one woman’s story of childhood sexual abuse. In episode three, a court case unfolds. Tennessee decides to call the cops and tell them about what happened with Dr. Youseffi. Detective Kimberly Norton picks Tennessee up at the airport in Virginia so she can file an official report. What Tennessee and Detective Norton discover is that Tennessee is not alone. Four women come forward, in three different counties. Only one prosecutor picks up the case. Find out more about Silent Evidence. Produced by Tennessee Watson and Kaitlin Prest with The Heart. Editing by Sharon Mashihi and Mitra Kaboli. Additional help reporting by Jocelyn Frank. Assistant Production by Ashley Cortez. Editorial advising by Pejk Malinovski. Music by Matthew Daher. This project was made possible with funding from the IWMF Howard G. Buffett Fund for Women Journalists.

Episode two of Silent Evidence; one woman’s story of childhood sexual abuse. In Episode two, Tennessee tries to reconcile with the abuse that she suffered. From performance art to installations to hair-brained schemes, Tennessee feels a little better every time she asks people to listen to her story. However, she has underestimated Dr. Youseffi’s impact on her life. She decides to confront him at the gym. Find out more about Silent Evidence here. Produced by Tennessee Watson and Kaitlin Prest with The Heart. Editing by Sharon Mashihi. This project was made possible with funding from the IWMF Howard Buffett Fund for Women Journalists.

Episode one of Silent Evidence; one woman’s story of childhood sexual abuse. Tennessee Watson is a documentarian and artist who has been struggling to speak out about something that happened to her when she was a kid, something that she knew was wrong. When Tennessee was seven her gymnastics coach fondled her vulva. In part one of Silent Evidence, Tennessee takes us in and out of her memories, from childhood to adolescence as she comes to terms with what happened to her and finally revisiting the gym where she was abused. Find out more about Silent Evidence here. Produced by Tennessee Watson and Kaitlin Prest, with The Heart. Editing by Sharon Mashihi. This project was made possible with funding from the IWMF Howard Buffett Fund for Women Journalists.

Based on the 2015 essay from The Big Roundtable, writer Mariya Karimjee takes us on a journey from her childhood in Pakistan, to her adolescence in Texas, through college, all the way to where she is now, back in Pakistan as she navigates family, love, her body and her personal relationships, all despite the physical and emotional trauma that she has suffered. Mariya Karimjee is a writer based in Karachi, Pakistan. Read her original essay here. Editorial support from Brendan Baker, Allen Watts, Kelsey Padgett, Samara Breger and Nadia Bajwa. Additional support from Kari June. Another version of this story can be heard on This American Life.

Kari is nothing like the actresses in the scenes that she films. She’s tall, robust, the kind of girl who can pick up a camera and take it where it needs to go. Violet, on the other hand, is petite and soft. She’s got a body that’s made for the kind of sex you see in porn. Kari knows first hand because Kari is the camera operator for Violet’s porn shoots. But the scene that looms largest in Kari’s head was one she didn’t film. It’s Violet’s scene with Brian, Kari’s current boyfriend, Violet’s ex. Violet was Brian’s big love and Kari is nothing like her.