The Overwhelmed Brain

What are the obstacles to peace, comfort, and happiness? You may be walking amongst people and things right now that are literally draining positivity from your life.

Sometimes what drives our decisions isn't necessarily what has our best interests in mind. Old survival mechanisms can be running the show, steering us into unfavorable outcomes without us even realizing it. Better outcomes require learning what exactly is driving our behaviors at the deepest level.

You're not crazy for feeling lonely in a relationship where schedules clash and one of you seems to be filling their time with other things to do. Hmm... what's really going on in this relationship. I answer a listener's question about this very thing in this episode, plus talk a little bit about minimizing and letting go of clutter and overwhelm.

Sarcasm can hide contempt while being disguised as humor. But, it can also bring humor to a difficult situation. Is there a limit to sarcasm and can it hurt relationships? Lots to discuss.

It might feel better not knowing the answers to some questions becuase, after all, knowing might mean you now have to do something about it. But when you don't ask the hard questions and don't talk about the hard stuff, life doesn't get any easier and the hard stuff never gets resolved.

What you value may not be what others value, but should that lead to black and white, all or nothing thinking where one person has to give something up so the other person can have what they want? Can there be a middle ground?

After loss, it can feel like there's no movement, as if time stopped on that exact moment of grief or pain, never to move forward again. However, grief, sadness, pain, and suffering do not have to feel like a chasm with no escape. The hurt may not end right away, but the healing can start sooner than you think.

The death of my brother-in-law was hard and got me revisiting the concept of the death of loved ones. No one can tell you it's going to be okay, even though eventually you will be okay. But in the moment, it can be hard to believe there will be anything good to ever come again because they're gone.

If you've ever felt hurt or offended by someone's words or actions, and their "apology" was more like a deflection than compassion for how it affected you, was it really an apology at all or simply more salt in the wound?

Sometimes you might wonder if things are going to change or not. Perhaps you're waiting for someone to show up better or differently, or your waiting for your boss to stop being such a jerk, or any of a number of things you deal with. Do you make a decision based on what you hope will happen? It can be challenging to determine your next steps when all you have is speculation.

I talk about toxic relationships all the time, but what do healthy relationships actually look like? Is there a formula? There are criteria. And I'll share ten components of a healthy relationship in this episode.

You'd think love and connection would be enough to get through any relationship challenge. But there is something stronger, something deeper that allows feelings to grow and the bond to strengthen.

If you have a history that you're not proud of, and you start a new relationship, should the new potential partner be advised of a past you regret? If you don't tell, will it bring consequences down the road? It's a question some people wrestle with.

Are old emotional wounds triggering you today? A woman reached out and shares her struggles about choices she made about a pregnancy and how her partner may have lied about his communication with his ex at the beginning of their relationship. Challenging topics to cover.

Can the on-off relationship work? What about long-distance relationships? I talk about that and also someone asked me if it's their social anxiety or someone's rude behavior that's to blame. It's a grab bag episode today.

Other people's insecurities should not make you change for them. If they can't handle who you are, is it on you to make them comfortable or should they just adjust, adapt, or leave you alone?

You're allowed to tell someone they're hurting you — and if you feel stuck because you avoid conflict or keep punishing with silence, I've been there and will show you how to say it plainly so you know whether they change or reveal who they really are.

People who threaten, belittle, or use "jokes" about violence are practicing control, and they will gaslight you into submission if you don't take their threats or "jokes" seriously. Don't reward coercion with compliance.

Are you a victim of your past choices forever? If the future feels impossible because the past is unavoidable, it might be time to put away the mirror and forge the path you want.

Some people have a progress bar that stops when things are no longer uncomfortable. That can work for some people. But for others who want more out of life, it could present an incompatibility that's hard to get past.

Someone who constantly blames and criticizes you may have something to hide. Someone who hurts you is hiding nothing at all... it's all very apparent. Don't ever think their behaviors are your fault.

You did bad... a long time ago, but you still have to pay for what you did every time someone brings it up. They just can't let it go and you're reaching the end of your rope. When will they move on?

Some of us can go through life without the answers to the most pertinent questions. Others, like me, feel like there's something missing if we don't get those answers. I do my best to answer a few of those burning questions in this episode.

What is the recipe of reciprocation in a friendship when it comes to keeping in touch. Is it always 1 to 1 (you call, they call, repeat)? Or, is it always just you calling them? Hmm... seems one-sided, doesn't it? But, is it? Good topic to talk about.

There's no end to what manipulation looks like. Some people have a gift for making you do what they want you to do. Victims of manipulation typically have something in common. Knowing what that is will keep you out of harm's way.

Are you really misunderstanding everything they say, or are they just trying to get away with being mean under the radar? I address that and also talk about when someone doesn't like a gift you've given them. If that sounds good, tune in!

It can be a struggle to be there for loved ones struggling. And the more empathetic you feel, the more you may feel yourself getting deeper into the same struggle with them. It can sometimes be a challenge to be there for someone without losing yourself in the process.

Some people accuse just to keep you busy defending yourself. Some do it because, perhaps, they like to see you suffer? That can't be true... can it? If you're constantly accused for things you didn't do, you might be a mirror more than a target.

If you were taught to believe you were anything less than lovable and worthy, it's time we had an important conversation.

Meaning, purpose, the pursuit of happiness... Just existing shouldn't be the only way to live. You are important - you just may not realize how much.

Don't get trapped in a cycle of blaming yourself for past decisions. What you did then isn't what you'll do next time. And what you did then doesn't say who you are today.

If you find yourself questioning whether it's okay to step back from a someone who is always playing the victim (and perhaps blaming you for almost everything wrong in their life), you need a way out and a way back to your sanity and well-being.

Are the beliefs and values that guide your life and relationships truly serving you? There are many myths that, if we don't question them, might be holding us back from happiness and fulfillment.

Is work, people, or other things getting you down? Is there a way out of that holding pattern? Holding out hope for change might not be the best way forward.

Years of mediocrity or even unhappiness can change... can't it? I think if you're wondering if that could ever be true, this episode is probably for you.

If you're caught in a heated moment with another person, do you know how to keep your cool and maintain control? In this episode, I read a message from someone who lost his patience with a passenger on his bus. He wants to make sure it doesn't happen again.

Sometimes all that's needed to enforce your boundaries in a situation or relationship is a simple phrase that changes everything. Otherwise, you could be stuck with what you got indefinitely.

A partner's ex is a partner's problem... or is it? What if they're trying to wiggle their way back to your partner? I address that concern from someone who says they feel unsafe with their partner's ex being in the picture.

Ever feel like you're the one always under fire, the scapegoat for every misstep? When you are under constant accusation for things you didn't do (but are being convinced you did), it's time to learn the truth about what's really happening here.

Feel like you might mess up your kids because you haven't improved or healed your own stuff yet? Is it possible to raise kids to be less dysfunctional than ourselves? I certainly hope so! Sounds like a good topic to cover.

If you've ever felt like you're holding back in love because of past fears, it's probably affecting your current relationship. If you're worried you might be hurt, you may just prevent love from reaching its fullest potential.

If someone's passive-aggressive remarks are making you question your own self-worth, how can you take back control? There are ways to handle toxic interactions and keep your power.

I think the phrase, "Lovers for a moment, friends for a lifetime" is very true in many cases. Sometimes a friendship can develop into something more. Other times a development could end what was already great as-is. Does love conquer all?

What is your level of toleration, and how long will you endure behavior that crosses your boundaries before you've had enough? It might be time to dole out accountability and make hard decisions.

Self-esteem and confidence come naturally to some. For others, the bridge to confidence is long, full of obstacles, and not worth the trip. There's one important question to ask yourself to be able to cross that bridge. That's today's topic.

A woman shares her struggle about getting married, feeling as if she isn't special because her partner has been married in the past. What is making her feel this way? Can this be overcome?

A mom doesn't want to sit next to her abusive ex during her child's wedding but doesn't want to come across as selfish. Is it selfish to make healthy choices that will keep you happy and safe? Important discussion today.

If you feel like an outsider in a world that seems unrelatable, could it be because you're yearning for authenticity in your connections? I know I am. Making friendships and romantic relationships can sometimes seem like a lesson in futility.

If you find yourself constantly being blamed for everything going wrong, it's time to question whether you're being manipulated into believing what may be a deflection. In this episode, I tackle the sometimes tricky dynamics of responsibility and blame.

If returning to your childhood hometown stirs up memories you'd rather leave behind, does that mean you're not ready to face them? I'll dive into this area with a heartfelt question from someone seeking closure from past trauma, wondering if revisiting their roots could be the key to healing and rediscovering their lost self.

If you're struggling with the feeling of emptiness after a breakup or loss, is it really about them, or something deeper within you? I'll share my own experiences with heartbreak and loneliness, and why understanding our emotional dependencies might just be the key to healing and building healthier relationships.

How long will you wait for someone to make changes to treat you better? At what point do you decide enough is enough and move on without them in your life? And is there anything you can do if change seems impossible?

A list of ten life lessons to help you achieve a happier, more fulfilling life... perhaps. Some lessons are scary to implement. Some are a must if you find that you can never quite achieve fulfillment.

How do you know when your heart is ready to embrace love again after weathering the storm of a toxic relationship? What should you be prepared for at the start of a new relationship? I talk about that and the draining effects of toxic relationships in this episode.

If you've ever felt like you're trapped in a time loop of bad relationships or self-destructive patterns, you're not alone. Why do we sometimes stay in situations that don't serve us? And were those situations a huge waste of time or something else?

Do I change my career? Do I move? Do I wait? If I change, will I be happy or sad? Never let life's hard decisions stop you from making decisions that are right for you?

Sure, some partners are toxic or dysfunctional. But what if they're not that at all but just not that bright? What if you are trying to squeeze something out of a partner that simply doesn't exist? Does that make automatic incompatibility? I go through deep exploration of that in today's episode.

This episode is about a pedophile grooming a woman's daughter. If you're a parent who listens with their child(ren), I wanted you to be aware of this before you played the show. There are no graphic details, but be aware that your children may ask questions if they listen with you.

If you get close to someone, they see the most vulnerable, deeper part of you. That can be a scary thing, especially if you've been hurt before. And sometimes we feel the need to protect ourself from such scary things.

Some people seem to have a toxic gravitational pull that affects everyone around them. And whether you're with them or not, they are either on your mind or in your space. Getting away from their influence can feel impossible.

If you've ever wondered how to keep toxic people out of your life or if you're questioning the role of personal boundaries in shaping your reality, this episode is for you. I share insights on why the words you choose matter, how to express your boundaries clearly, and why some relationships require you to be as steadfast as a lighthouse in a storm.

If your partner seems uninterested in your family, does that signal a deeper issue? I'll dive into this area with a specific question from an upset husband wanting to wrap his head around the realization that his wife doesn't seem at all interested in his family's health situation.

The path to empowerment sometimes involves massive, scary steps that might just change you... for the better. What it takes is courage. Where can you find the courage? It's closer than you think.

Are you walking around with unresolved feelings from your past? There are many opportunities that come our way that give us a chance to move forward without being weighed down by our past.

What do you do when there's bickering and nitpicking and you never seem make progress because there's always some unresolved issue or drama that needs to unfold for some reason?

When you know for a fact it's impossible to get out of the situation you're in, something might come along and push you so far that you find the impossible just might be possible after all.

The perfect night... almost. I read a reddit post where a user outlines a scenario where his best laid plans didn't pan out as he hoped, but he almost got everything right. That is, until his wife felt disappointed and unhappy by a single error that changed everything.

Our inner critic can be our own worst enemy. Knowing where that voice comes from and if what it's saying is actually true can mean the difference between your happiness and your sanity - hopefully you get to keep both!

The person who has been a toxic presence in my and my family's life has died. It's not necessarily a normal episode, but hopefully you'll gain something from it as I share the story and the lessons.

Some people seem to be stuck in a cycle of promises and no follow-through. When is enough enough? Some people use delay after delay to get away with never having to follow through with anything. Those people usually never change.

What do you do when you ask a friend if they would like to be closer, but they say no? The ramifications on the friendship can be anywhere from nothing to complete disaster. Is there a way back to being friends after such an awkward event?

Some decisions have a long-lasting effect. Sometimes that effect is positive; Sometimes it's not. . When you decide to get into or out of something, it's vital you don't set yourself up for failure and regret.

When you're holding on to that little bit of anger or upset about or toward someone else, maybe someone who is not even in your life anymore, it can decrease the quality of your happiness, maybe even diminishing it to a mere sliver of what it could be.

Do we have to carry the weight of our past negative experiences into our future? Staying in control and letting go of it have the very same effect. I get into more detail about that in this episode about choice.

"Go ahead, have a great time! Wait, are you leaving without me? What about my needs? No, I mean go ahead and have fun. I'll be good! Hey, don't feel bad about leaving me alone, I'll be fine. Oh, you don't feel bad? Why are you leaving me alone? How can you do this to me?" Need I say more?

How you define love will be what you get from it. If you don't have a definition for love, you may get stuck with something that appears to be love, but is really something else altogether. If you are 100% happy with the people you love in your life, skip this episode.

People who care about you should lift you up, not kick you when you're down. If someone keeps dragging you lower, trusting their words is like giving a vampire the keys to the blood bank.

Arguing isn't fun, but if it's going to happen, it should at least be productive. But what if it's never productive and you never get anything resolved? That's the question I tackle today.

There are some life lessons that we have to force ourselves to go through in order to make our circumstances better. Those lessons can feel like a massive leap over a bottomless chasm. But the rewards for such a leap can mean the difference between living a full life or one restricted by fear and uncertainty.

If you find that you define yourself in a negative way based on someone else's perception of you, you must listen to this episode. Is what they're saying about you really true? If you think that, we need to address that right away.

What are your rights in a relationship with someone who is mistreating you or acting badly? Is it okay to get back at them and reciprocate with similar or worse behavior? What's fair in relationship warfare? Good question!

If you find your mind feels like an overstuffed closet, and your actual closet is also overstuffed, I'll try to help you balance the mental and physical clutter in this episode. It's a special episode that strays away from the norm, but hey, out of eleven years of doing this show, one off the beaten path isn't going to hurt.

Some people can be draining, especially if they play the victim after they've done bad behavior and expect you to empathize with them. Some people are very, very good at doing that. I talk about those people today.

Our childhood coping mechanisms shape our adult relationships. Sometimes the old fears keep us from moving into new, better territory, keeping us stuck where we are.

Some problems won't go away until you walk away from them. But walking away can be hard... sometimes impossible. And sometimes it involves sacrifice. And is walking away the only answer?

Sometimes emotional and sexual expectations can be challenging to balance in a long-term relationship... but do they have to be? Or is intimacy just difficult with certain people who seem entitled to receive it instead of trying to build it from the ground up?

You know the type: They do nothing and you do everything. In this episode, I share the struggle of a woman who has a rocky relationship with her adult daughter who moved back in with her. I share a lot of thoughts and lessons we can learn what we can do, if anything, when the other person in your life is making things unnecessarily harder.

When you live with your romantic partner... And their relatives... And your partner doesn't seem to want that to change... What are your choices? Very hard question! I thought I'd tackle that today.

Are you trying to reconnect with someone who's unresponsive? Maybe they want nothing more to do with you and maybe you don't know why? And maybe this episode gives you the final step to take with others who seem like all they care about is avoiding you.

If you've ever found yourself trying to change someone's habits or feeling frustrated by their behaviors, this episode might help you learn what it takes to deal with and maybe even heal with someone you just can't seem to fully accept.

How you cope with challenges affects... well... your whole life really! It can be helpful to know what your coping mechanisms are and where you learned them so that perhaps you can examine them and choose different responses in the future. If it were only that easy.

Problems can add up, compound, and create a situation so impossible to get out of that there seems to be no hope. Is it total defeat or is there anything you can do?

So you get someone special and you're feeling pretty good abou things, but then they reveal something they did in their past that takes all those good feelings away. Now you're not sure what to do about it. Can you get over it? Will you ever look at them the same way again? I tackle that specific issue in this episode.

What do you do when someone won't share what's on their mind? They're acting very different, but they're refusing to say why. They might even tell you nothing's wrong. But you know something's up...

What happens if you marry into a family that doesn't really honor your presence or your boundaries? Sometimes their family doesn't feel like yours, especially when you feel like a total outsider because of how you are treated.

If you find yourself caught in misunderstandings over seemingly simple matters like where you should store your house paint, you're not alone. Can clear communication prevail during an argument? There's a challenge in expressing emotions and maintaining balanced relationships. Hopefully I can help you guide through those challenges in this episode.

If you find you can't get certain people from your past out of your mind, the deep connections we form might go a lot deeper than we think.

Some relationships can be shallow and superficial. Some can be toxic and harmful. Then there are those that are quite meaningful. Why can't they all be meaningful? There might be a way to do that... but it comes at a risk.

Some people like things we don't. Some get excited over the things we find uninteresting. What happens when their interests become more exciting to them than us? Do we accept our place in their line of priorities? Or is there a win-win in here that we may not have considered?