Crime Drama Queens

Send us Fan Mail Apols for the delay on this episode; Lily has been unwell and Lex was concussed. In fact at the time of recording Lily was still unwell and Lex was still concussed. You may be able to tell. We cover a lot of ground in this one, and some of it is even about the programme in question. There are nail bars, crow bars, a fake wedding, and Robson Green's character playing Guess Who while Hermione Norris rolls her eyes in the background. All good fun! This episode contains des...

Send us Fan Mail Ooh, an ex detective in an exotic location helping the local police on murder investigations? With silly hats? Be still our crime drama hearts! But is is this on the "Death in Paradise" scale of delight, or "The Good Ship Murder" level of horror? Tune in to find out! You can also enjoy our air fryer chat, elevator pitch for "Ready, Steady, Murder", and Lily's hot take on "The Great Gatsby." At time of recording, "Benidorm is Murder" is available on My5 in the UK. ...

Send us Fan Mail It's the shark tank episode! And, quite frankly, there's just not enough shark tank. We never learn our lesson. We do discuss badgers, coconut shies, and the architectural complexities of shark tanks. This episode contains descriptions of fictionalised violence and, of course, is full of SPOILERS. Our next episode will be on "Benidorm is Murder," season one, episode five! This is available on Channel 5 in the UK but requires a VPN elsewhere in the world... sorry! Origin...

Send us Fan Mail It's the clash of the Marples! But who is better? Joan Hickson or Julia McKenzie? There's only one way to find out.... We will discuss it and come to a considered conclusion! Poisoning, stabbing, drowning, and lots of gossiping about high blood pressure; there's so much to love here. Even Lex didn't miss the maggots too much! We still manage to bring in references to "A Good Ship Murder", "The Marlow Murder Club", "Prime Suspect", "Cracker", "The Adventures of She...

Send us Fan Mail The school holidays are in full swing and I'm afraid all we have been able to squeeze out is this interim ep. We chat about new crime dramas hitting our screens, as well as digging up some older shows that could be worth a squiz. Mainly it's just Lily ranting about the BBC's terrible Agatha Christie adaptations, as ever. Next week we will be talking about the Joan Hickson AND the Julia McKenzie takes on a "A Caribbean Mystery." Have a rootle around ITVX, Channel 4...

Send us Fan Mail Cooper and Fry are a pair of mismatched detectives, one a blow-in from the city, one local born and bred. They have different ways of doing things and don't get along at first... Wait! Come back! I know you think you've seen this all before but it's not like that! Well, it is entirely like that BUT this time we have Screaming Skulls and Hands of Glory! Come for the skeletal remains, stay for the screaming skulls! And it's worth it for Lex's conspiracy theory regarding "C...

Send us Fan Mail With opening credits created by a GCSE Media Studies student, a victim with "darkness" in her, a man in a silly hat, and HUGE amounts of spraying blood, this is a bit of a winner. Lex enjoyed it more than she enjoys a piece of toast, and as you will discover, she loves a bit of toast. This episode contains descriptions of fictionalised violence, and, of course, is full of SPOILERS. Our next episode will be on "Cooper and Fry" season one, episode one. This is avail...

Send us Fan Mail Behold the Knuckerhold Dragon! This one is a bit bonkers but we (Lily) love it anyway. Lex misses the maggots of course, but that's just Lex for you. How could you NOT love it though? Morris Dancing, liquid rubber, a bloke called Marvellous, AND a blow pipe! Lex was about to go on holiday when we recorded and she is at her giddiest...which is saying something. Oh, and apologies for the Dick Johnson of it all. We came across a person with that name just before reco...

Send us Fan Mail The Met Police are at it again! DCI Joe Mottram is in Capri to spend time with his daughter and his in laws following the death of his wife. Naturally, the murders come rolling in and he must help the local plod catch the various bad guys. The whole thing feels like a deja vu, and we're still not quite sure how the murder happened, but it does have that guy from Coronation Street in it...you know the one. We also discuss Gary Lucy, and various different types of p...

Send us Fan Mail First of all, apologies if your name is Alan Daniels. Or Alan anything, actually. We are not kind to you in this episode, but we do love you really. Blame "Above Suspicion"! It pushed us to the edge of reason with the gassy corpses, sexual harassment, drooling murderer, graphic flashbacks, and, of course, ALL THE MAGGOTS. DCI Langton is not the only one who needed a tumbler of whisky by the time the credits rolled. Needless to say, Lex loved it. This episode conta...

Send us Fan Mail Better late than never! Especially if you watched The Puzzle Lady and were starting to grow resentful towards us. We apologise. For everything. Our tardiness. Our program choice... We didn't love this one, but we did get to say "no dick, no joy"* again, so maybe it was worth it. And yes, we know Mr Kipling is not an actual person who bakes for the masses. This episode contains descriptions of fictionalised violence, and, of course, is full of SPOILERS. Our next ep...

Send us Fan Mail Hey presto! It's our second episode of Patience, and we did, indeed, lose our patience with it. There is a man with a silly hat though, which goes a long way with us, but sadly not far enough. Buckle in for magicians, jewel thieves, and a Master Manipulater. Apparently. This episode contains descriptions of fictionised violence, and of course, is full of SPOILERS. Our next episode is on "Murder Most Puzzling", season one, episode one. This is avai...

Send us Fan Mail Better late than never! Apologies for the late delivery of this episode; Trial and Retribution knocked us out and it took us an extra few days to digest. Especially with all those maggots. All. Those. Maggots. If you can stomach maggots though (not literally), and want to see Richard E Grant in FULL flow, then we recommend watching this series of Trial and Retribution. This episode contains descriptions of fictionalised violence, and, of course, is full of SPOILER...

Send us Fan Mail What great japes this programme is! We thought Sister Boniface was really quite spiffing actually. There are lolly stick pipe holders, a chatty parrot, and a deadly puppet. Why ANYONE would choose to live in a village named "Great Slaughter" is beyond us, but thankfully Sister Boniface is on standby to solve the many, MANY, murders that happen there. This episode contains scenes of fictionalised violence and, of course, is full of SPOILERS. Our next episode is pro...

Send us Fan Mail Taggart! At last, oh happy (if a bit grim) days! We have venomous snakes in beds, cars, and dog food, a spider up your sleeve, juicy frogs, fatal spaghetti, and a lot of TERRIBLE hair! And a description of Lex's Burns Night outfit from the early 2000s, because why not. This episode contains descriptions of fictionalised violence, and, of course, is full of SPOILERS. At time of recording Taggart was available on Channel 5 on demand in the UK, Prime and Roku in the ...

Send us Fan Mail Tally ho! Pip pip! We have a bit of everything for you today: pigs, highballs, wham kapow fights, more pigs, a history lesson about the English Civil War, a crucified scarecrow, and yet more pigs. Also, if you don't want to hear our thoughts on HMRC and the DWP then fast forward the first five minutes. This episode contains descriptions of fictionalised violence, and, of course, if full of SPOILERS. Our next episode is on Taggart, episode TBC! Taggart is available...

Send us Fan Mail Do you remember The Inspector Lynley Mysteries? Yeah, this is that. Did we need it rebooted? Let's find out! Lex gives us a history lesson on the London sewer network (thank you, Joseph Bazalgette), we discuss men's fashions, hand grenades, and the Rusty Trowel, and take a moment to celebrate the dad bod. All in the name of Lynley. At time of recording "Lynley" was available on BBC Iplayer in the UK, and Britbox elsewhere in the world. This episode contains descriptions of fi...

Send us Fan Mail Listeners! We're back! We have missed you! Have you missed us? (don't answer that) We're back for a quick interim ep to talk about the crime dramas we did and didn't watch over Christmas. Don't worry, there are no spoilers this week, so if you haven't watched anything and are planning to catch up, then you can listen with confidence. Unless you are looking forward to The Good Ship Murder. We may burst your bubble on that one. Plus, you get an unnecessarily detailed syno...

Send us Fan Mail Bonjour! We're in Paris and our detective, Maigret, is investigating a series of stabbings. Unfortunately for him the press, his boss, and sometimes his wife, all think he's doing a RUBBISH job. But fear not, with the help of his pipe and fedora, he will solve this case. But not before there are a couple more killings. He gets his man and, would you believe it, the problem was WOMEN all along. Having said all that, we really liked this one! We also enjoyed envisioning R...

Send us Fan Mail What do a harpoon, a corkscrew, a giant toblerone, and Jane McDonald's secretions all have in common? They're all murder weapons of course! Welcome to the delightfully bonkers Death on the Tyne! This isn't our usual speed but we loved it, especially as it stars our heroine, Sue Johnston. If you fancy murders on a ship, but don't want The Good Ship Murder (and, fair play if you don't) then watch Death on the Nile (the Peter Ustinov one). Once you've done that, watc...

Send us Fan Mail Friends, this whole episode is about us finding more Sue Johnston to love, with a bit of Madame Blanc on the side. Actually, this is probably our most chaotic episode yet. Yay! Fear not, we still spend plenty of time in the world of Jean White, aka Madame Blanc, along with dodgy antiques dealers, our foreign language failings, layers of wigs, and, be still our beating hearts, a CHUCKLE BROTHER (Even if we get a bit confused about which Chuckle Brother)! This episode con...

Send us Fan Mail Has "Murphy's Law" ever been compared to the 70's classic "Abigail's Party" before? Well, there's a first time for everything. This early episode of Jimmy Nesbitt's gritty cop drama combines high farce with delicate pathos in a way that is, in Lex's words, "confusing." Which blonde was it?? Stay tuned to find out. This episode contains descriptions of fictionalised violence and, if course, is full of SPOILERS. Our next episode is on "The Madame Blanc Mysteries," s...

Send us Fan Mail Apologies for the tardy release of this one; half term duties disrupted things a smidge! But have no fear, Hetty is here at last. She is on the trail of a poison pen writer who has a whole village gripped in terror - who will be accused of being a shag bandit rubber knickers next?? Sue Johnston graces our screens again at last, albeit in a huge black wig, and thankfully there is no Lozza Fox to upset the balance. Instead we indulge in dubonnet talk, our favourite BBC co...

Send us Fan Mail Let's play Crime Drama bingo! We have a closed circle mystery in a country house with the Met Police drafted in to solve multiple murders featuring arterial spray on the ceiling along with adultery and a splash of incest! Lynley has got it all! Lynley himself has the demeanor of Tory MP harrassing an intern, and his side kick, Havers, has the hairstyle of her name sake, Nigel Havers (who probably has played a Tory MP in his time), but that's not the half of it. We also ...

Send us Fan Mail Oh, the nineties, the decade of crime drama that just keeps giving! Touching Evil is at the gritty end of the scale and has all the tropes we have come to know and roll our eyes at. There is bad arterial spray, good arterial spray, creepy killers, and very low lighting. And at the end of this episode you may understand why we have only been communicating with each other via Jimmy Nesbitt gifs all week. This wasn't our favourite, but at least we have Robson Green's "piercing b...

Send us Fan Mail Welcome to our FIFTIETH EPISODE! (Not including bonus or interimming etc.) This milestone completely passed us by when we were recording this. Never mind. Onwards! Kerry Godliman plays our heroine, Pearl Nolan, and there is a suitable amount of silliness on offer in Whitstable Pearl. However, we'd had a couple of little drinkies and get waylaid along some tangents. We discuss bad crisp flavours, Lex's inability to relax wearing clothes, appropriate wedding canopes, DIY ...

Send us Fan Mail *The version that we initially published was dodgy - nowt untoward, but Lily's track blanked out for 15 mins. Maybe you'd prefer it like this? Anyway, this version should be complete. Apols!* London Kills... a great tagline for our capital city? Possibly not, but not a bad programme as it turns out. A body is found under some decking in the garden of a student house in Camden. A STUDENT house. In CAMDEN. With a GARDEN. Forget the murder, this is a mystery that needs inv...

Send us Fan Mail Lex is in Turkey and Lily is FINE with that. Our next episode is on "London Kills" season two, episode one. It is available on BBC Iplayer in the UK, Acorn TV and others in the US, and Binge and Foxtel in Australia. Watch out for those buses. Original artwork by Mike Luckie instagram.com/mikeluckieillustration/ Music: Mystery Box by V. Draganov

Send us Fan Mail Better late than never! Apologies for the late episode, the combination of lack of WiFi and the school holidays scuppered us for a few days. But we're here now! In Death Valley! No, not the American one, the one in Wales with all the murders and Dave Coaches from Gavin and Stacey. Basically four weddings and not a funeral, but someone who dies because laxative poisoning made their head explode...or something. Lex's sound is dodgy on this one but really, it's all r...

Send us Fan Mail Welcome to Vincent AND TEAM. Because Vincent would be nothing without his team. Well, he would be dead or in prison. And that's what happens when you try and deal with things just using your fists. Anyway, it turns out that Lex really likes Ray Winstone, and arterial spray (although not together), and that her first born slept really well as a baby. Lily is also fussy about arterial spray but has no such feelings about Ray Winstone, nor similar memories of her babies.&n...

Send us Fan Mail Detective Chief Superintendent Christopher Foyle has a crime to solve, and it's in a Funk Hole (brother, check it out now)! It's WWII and there are crimes aplenty, most of them in said funk hole, which is not an underground bar, but an excuse for a hotel putting up those who wish to tap out of the war, and can afford to do so. There are a couple of deaths, some stolen tinned ham, and even accusations of sedition against Foyle himself! Tune in now to find out not only wh...

Send us Fan Mail Trigger warning - there is a LOT of talk of sexual assault in this episode as it is the main theme of the program we are discussing. If you'd rather give this one a swerve, we completely understand and we'll see you again next time. Brighton, 2012: Lots of women are attacked in Brighton by a man in a rubber suit, wielding a sex toy. Brighton, 2023: The rubber suit man is back, and Roy Grace is out to get him. There's a lot to be grossed out by in this epis...

Send us Fan Mail Two middle aged women talk about what they're watching on TV and forget a lot of people's names. Our next full length episode will be on on 13th June 2025 and will be on "Grace" season three, episode one, "Dead Like You." It's as sinister as it sounds. Original artwork by Mike Luckie instagram.com/mikeluckieillustration/ Music: Mystery Box by V. Draganov

Send us Fan Mail Another pheasant shoot, another dead (human) body. Get new interests, people! These shoots aren't safe! This is especially true for the high ranking hobbyists of Westershire police force, ACC Fisher, and Inspector Henry Crabb. Henry is a chef and a policeman, because why not? He's also not great with cash and manages to lose a wad of it in the opening scenes. Because of this he winds up catering the shoot in question and, naturally, having to investigate the death of th...

Send us Fan Mail At last! The long awaited Ellis! Channel Five have come good with this one (adverts notwithstanding) as Ellis is not half bad. Sharon D. Clarke is pretty fab, if a bit brooding, in the title role, and the story holds together so long as you don't think about it too much, which, of course, we do. There are citizen journalists, the most annoying woman in the world, a kid with a drone, a man running round clutching his amputated hand, and an absolutely incompetent murderer. We a...

Send us Fan Mail Hey crime drama lovers, Sorry about the lack of a proper episode this week - Lex has been facing challenges at work that even a team including Jane Tennison, Endeavour Morse, Sherlock Holmes, and Jackson Brodie would struggle to overcome. We will get "Ellis" out to you next week! In the meantime, here is Lily rambling on for five minutes. Our next episode will be on "Ellis" season one, episode three. This can be found on C5 on demand in the UK, on Apple TV in th...

Send us Fan Mail Welcome to our first episode recorded face to face, in the same room rather than hundreds of miles apart! We had a WONDERFUL time, although the benefit to you is nil. The sound quality is patchy (we had tried for a studio but it was Good Friday and weverything was closed) as we were in Lily's airbnb room, and we are horribly hungover as we had been out celebrating Lex's birthday the night before. Having said that, we talk all things Case Histories, from the flawed, if h...

Send us Fan Mail First off, let us apologise for the amount we talk about the weather and various weather apps at the beginning. It's almost like we didn't want to talk about Rosemary and Thyme. Almost. But we do get into it, and what towering achievment of television it isn't. There are two people shot dead, some extortion, terrible wallpapering, a menace on wheels, our heros merrily encouraging toxic relationships, and a three legged dog that gets the blame. Oh, and the MISSING CURRY ...

Send us Fan Mail It's another Agatha Christie! Drink every time Lily says "I know we're not talking about the book, but..." Actually, don't, that would be dangerous. Protect the NHS. We had some dramas while recording this episode as a plusnet engineer started drilling into Lily's house, and then the internet cut out so she had to drive across town to keep recording elsewhere. But don't worry, we've cut all that from the edit...we had to, otherwise this episode would have been as long a...

Send us Fan Mail Enter stage left: A tall, pale, man in a deerstalker. Spry, and somewhat unnerving, Jeremy Brett is to some people (Lily), but not others (Lex), the definitive Sherlock Holmes. It's not an absolute belter of a episode though as an intervention by a couples therapist would have perhaps been more suitable to the problem at hand. Lex bemoans the lack of brouhaha, but at least we have dancing stick figures, a head of hair that seems to grow like expanding foam, and some of ...

Send us Fan Mail Kenneth Branagh shines in this anglicised version of the skandi noir classic, Wallander. However, it's not that hard to shine when everything around you is so incredibly bleak. Having said that, there are lots of bodies, and one of them is even heavily charred, while the others are axed and scalped, so plenty to enjoy on that front. We we also have dodgy eye shadow (sorry, Linda), a pair of shittens (sorry, Linda), and a very unfortunate face mask. We quite enjoyed this...

Send us Fan Mail Silly hats, squabbling academics, tudor costumes, death by antique sword...what can we say? Just the usual antics in the world of crime drama. We've seen all these things before but this time we are in the world of Father Brown. It's not the greatest introduction to the world of G.K. Chesterton's crime solving priest, but if you are into secret codes and battle reinactments, you are in for a treat. Apologies for the weird knocking sounds. Both our tracks, recorded on di...

Send us Fan Mail York, present day: A woman is found dead inside a dinosaur exhibit. Not inside the exhibit, you understand. Not wodged in with the dinosaurs. Only a total fool would think that. And she drowned.... OR DID SHE? Well, Patience, our eagle eyed investigative consultant, knows that she did. And Patience leads our professional detectives gently through the clues of dino bones, dodgy tattoos, and google maps. We follow along too, getting occasionally distracted by men nam...

Send us Fan Mail A woman has been clubbed in the head with a toffee hammer, but it's ok, as she was "clubbable," and probably deserved it. Oh, and the clowns in Brussels have got rid of toffee hammers so maybe she was shot instead. Confused? Welcome to the world of Detective Superintendent Andy Dalziel! He's assisted by Detective Sergeant Peter Pascoe, who has the audacity to be university educated, and is VERY smug about it. It's the 90s so buckle up! We have a rugby club, hookers that ...

Send us Fan Mail Hello all, here we are again. Quick update to let you know we're binning off Father Brown as the episode we were going to talk about is no longer avilable on "U" and we can't find it anywhere else. After all that fuss about finding the app and stuff. Tsk. Anyway, we've decided to do something else. The something else: "Dalziel and Pascoe," season one, episode one, "A Clubbable Woman." Yes, a woman gets clubbed to death. It is available in the UK on BBC Iplayer and I...

Send us Fan Mail There's no full length episode this week because Christmas and New Year threw us off our stride. Come on now, take a deep breath and wipe your tears - we'll get one to you soon. In this little minisode Lily tries to do a short review of the crime dramas and murder mysteries on offer this Christmas, but without Lex to gently rein her in, gets slightly distracted. Happy New Year! ***UPDATE*** Our next episode will NOT be on Father Brown, season five, episode two...

Send us Fan Mail It's CHRIIIISTMAS! And the village of Codswallop Shallows (or similar) is celebrating by hosting lots of ghost hunts, just as Jesus would have wanted. There are only two bodies in this one, so it's not an all time classic, but we do have Mark Heap in a mustard jumper, Les Dennis in a variety of outfits, and a steely eyed man in a barbour jacket who doesn't know what to do with his arms. Fun and games! We struggle with the usual tech issues, mispronounce names, and set...

Send us Fan Mail You know the drill, a Met Police officer has left London and is solving crimes in someone else's backyard. This time the dectective in question is returning to her own backyard - Dolphin Cove, which is just down the coast from Summer Bay, Australia. We discuss Neighbours, Home and Away, Enid Blyton, Mein Kampf, and even, occasionally, the programme in question. But whether you're interested in Return to Paradise or not, tune in anyway to find out what rugby injury Lex is ...

Send us Fan Mail *This is the second of a two parter on Silent Witness so you may want to listen to part one (ep 31 on Silent Witness season 4, eps and 6) if you want to get the references. But we're not the boss of you so do as you like.* We're back! And this time with Dr Nikki Alexander and lots of dead crows. Hardly anyone is "well nourished," and nobody is "heavily charred," so already things are looking up. Also, there's just a bit more going on. If it wasn't for the rage baiting ...

Send us Fan Mail Its the first in our two part Silent Witness Extravaganza and we couldn't be more excited! Or we were, until we watched this. We are not the biggest fans of Professor Sam Ryan. Sorry, Sam, but you are a sanctimonious bore. And you use the phrase "making love," which has not been good for our digestive health. Someone gets almost beaten to death, someone gets electrodes attached to their testicles, and someone else has to kneel down in front of Sam for her viewing pleas...

Send us Fan Mail A monk gets bled, has a hallucination, gets fed opium, and the upshot is that there is a murder that Cadfael has to solve, in three days or less. The twelfth century is tough enough without all the slings, arrows, and outrageous hair extensions, but Derek Jacobi and his tonsure are here to save the day. This one wasn't Lex's fave (despite the presence of the Demon Headmaster - apols for the 20 mins we spend discussing his resume), but Lily is a fan of this particular time p...

Send us Fan Mail We haven't LOVED the newer shows we've covered so far, but that changes here and now because we loved Ludwig. In fact, the only thing that could have made it better would be David Mitchell crooning at the end of each episode. However, we will do without that, and instead indulge in problem solving (spot the difference), person case hunting, teambuilding exercises, and Lex's advice on the best way of disoposing of a dead body. Give her a break though, she was concussed a...

Send us Fan Mail It's our one year anniversary! Whoop whoop! And to celebrate, Lex has covid. But like a hero, like an avenging angel, she comes through for us and we battle through this delightful, cheesy, nonsense. See what I did there? We have garroting, stabbing, death by cow, and of course, Martine and that truckle of cheese. Thank you to everyone who has stuck with us this first year, politely downloading and listening to two women with declining hormones forget people's names and o...

Send us Fan Mail Caution - a dog gets murdered in this episode of Luther. And people are murdered too of course, but that goes without saying. Discussions include Luther's questionable processes (#notallMETpolice), whether a woman who pouts is more fascinating that a woman who doesn't, and the impact that Danny DeVito's presence would have had over the whole affair. In fact, we discuss Danny DeVito more than anything else. BUT there is no mention of The Marlowe Murder Club....

Send us Fan Mail Ok, we didn't love this one, but we did find a reason to be optimistic. Was it the plot? The scripts? The acting? Shayne Ward's linen wardrobe? No. None of those. But even in the darkest of times, we found one thing to love. Have a listen to find out what it was. At time of recording, The Good Ship Murder was available to watch in the UK on My5, in the US on Prime Video and Apple TV, and on SBS On Demand in Australia. This episodes contains descriptions of fictionalised ...

Send us Fan Mail "Can it be? ...it's my own particular one and only four starred pussy. The super pussy of all old pussies..."* IT'S MISS MARPLE! And it's Jane Marple in midsomer land with a high body count and bonkers deaths. We LOVED this and quite frankly, we don't care if you didn't. It's even got Matt from Busted in it. Apols for the cameos by Lex's dog (cat?) and a five year old boy. Summer hols, innit. * Sir Henry Clithering in "A Murder is Announced", by Agatha Christie. First p...

Send us Fan Mail Stop me if you've heard this: A detective from the Met Police gets transferred to a complelety different jurisdiction and has to join a team of quirky locals to solve a baffling murder. Nope, it's not Death in Paradise, it's not even McDonald and Dodds! Because we're in Turkey this time, for the Turkish Detective! No cliche is left unturned in these opening episodes, but that doesn't mean we don't have hope for the future, so hang in there. If nothing else, listen to find ou...

Send us Fan Mail "IT'S ALL RIGHT, IT'S OK, DOESN'T REALLY MATTER IF YOU'RE OLD AND GREY...!" You're welcome, everyone. It's New Tricks, and we have the OG team of Sandra, Jerry, Jack, and Brian. There's a lot of stomping around wearing macs, grumbling, and trying to get straight answers out of people. The late, great, Dennis Waterman sings the above theme tune, and gets slated for having the audacity to wear a half decent jacket. Sorry this one is a bit late, we've been watching the Olym...

Send us Fan Mail In Professor T we have another psychology professor who helps the police solve crimes, but Jasper Tempest is no Cracker. Thankfully. There are singing teapots, bubbles aplenty, and a badger. Or a fellow called Badger. We don't dwell too much on the crime in this one, but get slightly distracted with a subplot focusing on questionable dating etiquette (do you always need to attend a date in person, or can you send a sub?), our own personal remiscences about posters (they are...

Send us Fan Mail In this episode we take the adage "if you don't laugh, you'll cry," to the absolute maximum. And friends, we manage not to cry. It's 1993 and Edward "Fitz" Fitzgerald has been, you've guessed it, hired as a consultant to the police. He traumatises everyone around him, which is weird considering he supposed to be such an amazing psychologist, but he is good at catching the bad guy, so that's ok. And by the way, the name we couldn't get - Vicky McClure. So now you know. O...

Send us Fan Mail It's 1973 and Sam Tyler is mad, in a coma, or back in time. There are HUGE lapels, clicky man heels, indoor smoking, and some alledged cattle rustling. We're not sure if we're supposed to fancy Gene Hunt, but we're not judging you if you do. There's a lot of football in this one, but don't let that put you off. There's a lot to love about Sam, Gene, Annie, and the gang, and if nothing else, it's reignited our love for chicken in a basket. At time of record...

Send us Fan Mail DI Humphrey Goodman has left St Marie in the Caribbean and is now living in the fictional town of Shipton Abbot in Devon with his partner, Martha. And Martha's mother. And a duck named Selwyn. You're not going to believe it, but there's been a MURDER! On a steam train! It's all very Agatha Christie and Lily can barely contain her excitement. It's not a bad little mystery actually, so even if you didn't get along with season one of Beyond Paradise, this little gem ...

Send us Fan Mail Oh Dame Helen, WE ARE NOT WORTHY! Despite this episode being actually quite dull in places, and much of it being centered around municipal council decision making processes, it was still weirdly brilliant. That is you can get past the middle aged bank managers masquerading as teenagers, an apparently bog standard sex death, and the tumblers of whiskey...which we could. Although we would prefer a garnish in our drinks, and perhaps a litle umbrella. Chin chin!&n...

Send us Fan Mail Calling all Cumberbitches! It's time for Sherlock! We're back in 2010 and it's all whip zooms, split screens, and sharp dialogue. And luckily for you lot, it's not the Marlow Murder club. Although, perhaps, we mention it once or twice. At time of recording this episode was available on BBC Iplayer in the UK and on Hulu in the USA. This episode contains descriptions of fictionalised violence, and, of course, SPOILERS. Original artwork by Mike Luckie ...

Send us Fan Mail Let's be honest, this wasn't our most favouritist crime drama ever. There should be a lot to like: multiple deaths, the Freemasons, regatta blazers, and a plucky dog... but ultimately we thought it was a punting nightmare. Ps. We still love Samantha Bond, we do. We just wish she had been a bit more...corrigible. At the time of recording "The Marlow Murder Club" is available to watch in the UK on UKTV Play, and in the US on Masterpiece. This episode ...

Send us Fan Mail Detective Superintendent Peter Boyd and the newly formed Cold Case Unit are investigating (and solving, goddamit) cold cases in this here London town. People shout in each other's faces, tell each other not to f**k it up, and breath heavily, showing the weight of the task in hand. It's intense. This episode is all about Lex's massive crush on Trevor Eve. We try and pretend it's not, but it is. At the time of recording Waking the Dead is availab...

Send us Fan Mail A duffle coat, a windmill, and a whole load of implausible plot... Yep, it's Jonathan Creek! This week we have a slightly robotic woman who gets clonked on the head, a man who gets shot through a spyhole, a woman wearing pvc in summer, a MASSIVE video camera, and a whole bunch of high jinx with VCRs, VHS, and a wardrobe. Oh, and some of you will get the elephant bit, and some of you won't. Once again Lily misspoke and this week's correction is: SARAH...

Send us Fan Mail Endeavour has aged into Morse and this time he's investigating a murder in a low security prison. He's supported by an absolutely steller cast of actors, most of whom are sporting their most misjudged hairdos of all time. We do dig into the story and the characters, but mainly this is a review of people's hair in 1992. At time of recording this episode was available in the UK on ITVX, and on Britbox elswhere in the world. This podcast contains descriptions...

Send us Fan Mail Channel Five's answer to the question nobody asked: What would you get if you did a mash up of Eldorado and Acorn Antiques, and made it a whodunnit? You get Shayne Ward as an ex serious crimes detective working as a singer on a cruise ship, that's what. If you're looking for a serious appraisal of C5's forat into the genre, maybe don't listen to this episode. This is basically an hour of us corpsing. This episode is available on My5 in the UK,...

Send us Fan Mail It's Oldham, it's 2011 and Rachel Bailey (Suranne Jones) is worried that people think she's a "shag bandit rubber knickers". Whether she is or not is not really our concern, but she could spend less time shaking up bottles of coke and obsessing over her scumbag ex, and more time on the scumbag whose wife just died under mysterious circs. However, this is a fabulous programme, with clever, competent women, and Janet Scott (Lesley Sharpe) is the work mum we all nee...

Send us Fan Mail It's the 100th episode of Death in Paradise! How could we let this one pass us by? AND it has Sean Maguire! Dear lord, such excitement. This episode sees Commissioner Selwyn Patterson, the boss, the police veteran, get shot, and the team having to solve his attempted murder. There's no goat, but there are turn ups, dungarees, handwritten ransom letters, and a pesky cufflink. We also give the 1998 film "Return to Paradise" an accidental plug, so for all th...

Send us Fan Mail Mes amis! It's here! Welcome to the world of Agatha Christie's Poirot, and it's simply delightful (gruesome murders and even more gruesome fake beards aside). We have a locked room mystery, unbreakable alibis, and a bit of fancy dress. It's golden age detective fiction at it's finest and we loved it. Lily once again misspoke so this weeks corrections are: Granddad Dog and The Adventure of the Clapham Cook. If you are left panting for more Poirot act...

Send us Fan Mail Welcome to Morse's origin story! It's Oxford in 1965 and young Endeavour is somberly pursuing villains left, right and centre. However, in a world where child abuse is normalised, Morse upsets people by attempting to fulfill his job description, and one character takes victim blaming to a whole new level, we won't blame him for rarely cracking a smile. He's still getting over "Wendy who liked to be called Susan," for pete's sake. Cut him some slack. He might not...

Send us Fan Mail The January blues are upon us and the atmospheric gloom of DI Annika Strandhed's Marine Homocide Unit feels apt. We discuss what to do with a whale carcass, Lex's in-laws get another roasting, and Lily loses patience with a fictional teenage girl. In many ways it's not our finest hour, but at least we didn't harpoon anyone. No whales nor harpoons were harmed in the making of this podcast. At time of recording this episode was available to watch on BBC Iplayer in...

Send us Fan Mail Merry Christmas one and all! Welcome to our first Christmas episode! We're on planet Midsomer for this one and, naturally, it's completely bananas. A slightly low body count for our liking, but there are magicians, murders (both actual and attempted), a magnificiently bad cracker joke, and a someone accidently shooting themselves in the face. Oh, and John Nettles in novelty earrings. God bless us, every one! At time of recording Midsomer Murders, "Ghost ...

Send us Fan Mail Ah, it's the 1950s in Cambridgeshire and we're with the lovely Reverend Sidney Chambers. Swoon! We have some exhausting adultery, confusing whisky swapping, and impressive hair styling, so what's not to love? We also have Robson, without Jerome. And Amanda, WHO WE'RE NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT. Grantchester is available to stream on ITVX in the UK and PBS Passport in the US. Contains descriptions of fictionalised violence, and of course, plenty of SPOILERS. O...

Send us Fan Mail 'Tis the season! Not for Christmas, calm down, but for coughs and colds and all things poorly making. If you have been affected by one of these season snifflies you could do worse than curling up on the sofa with your lemsip and binge watch Shakespeare and Hathaway. There's marriage, betrayal, a disguise, lutes, and plenty of silly hats! Actually, plenty of costumes in general, so grab your doublet and hose, don your jerkin, and off we go! At time of recording and publishing...

Send us Fan Mail Welcome to 2003! It’s Blue Murder with Caroline Quentin. There’s disembowelling, lots of laundry, some confusing logistics relating to a sanitary bin, and a potential attack using breadcrumbs. Truly, in the world of DCI Janine Lewis, danger really does lurk on every corner. We really enjoyed this one and we hope you do to. Apologies for the bit where we forget how to use the word “catharsis.” In our defence, we were very, very tired. At time of recording you are ...

Send us Fan Mail A bit of housekeeping and a few Q&As from our lovely listeners. If you have a question or comment for us you can email us at crimedramaqueens@gmail.com or find us on Instagram @crimedramaqueens and Facebook on our Crime Drama Queens page. We are unwilling to go mushroom picking at this time. Original artwork by Mike Luckie instagram.com/mikeluckieillustration/ Music: Mystery Box by V. Draganov

Send us Fan Mail It's Bath, it's 2018, and, much to Lex's dismay, Robert Lindsay is breaking the fourth wall. There is a LOT to discuss in this episode, not least: 1. Why is Bath being treated as if it has seceded from the UK? 2. Why are the met police sent it to solve crimes EVERYWHERE? 3. Why would you commit a murder this way?? WHY??? And then there's the hats. So many hats. At time of recording this episode was available to watch on ITVX in the UK and on BritBox in the US ...

Send us Fan Mail Welcome to Denton: a world of child abduction, bank robbery, murder, and the slut shaming of a fourteen year old. It's fun! It's a depressing dollop of gritty realism and despite hating it, we sort of loved it too. Join us, DI Frost, Linda Love, and more, as we journey together towards the most grotesque barbecue ever shown on prime time tv. Buckle up, it's time for "A Touch of Frost." (PS. We recorded this in the summer, hence the references to the "scorching" weathe...

Send us Fan Mail The one where Lily recorded in the kitchen and it sounds like she's in tin can. Join us as we dive head first into the unnerving world of Midsomer Murders! As usual with Midsomer there is a high body count, bizarre characters, and some fairly unpleasant twists. Unpleasant characters and bizarre twists? All of the above. Apologies for the rubbish sound; this really is as bad as it gets, so hang in there. But enough of that! Grab yourself an iced sombrero a...

Send us Fan Mail Welcome to our first episode! This week we are covering Death in Paradise, season one episode one. If you're new to Death in Paradise don't worry, Lex is too. This episode is all about the joys of locked/unlocked room mysteries, people smuggling, and Sean Maguire being locked in a cell with a goat. What more could you want? (please don't say better audio quality...we're working on it!) At time of recording this episode was available to watch on BBC IPlayer in the UK, ...

Send us Fan Mail Welcome to Crime Drama Queens! Join hosts Lex and Lily as they watch, or rewatch, their favourite crime dramas and murder mysteries. Get those little grey cells ready, the game is afoot! Original artwork by Mike Luckie instagram.com/mikeluckieillustration/ Music: Mystery Box by V. Draganov