Filtra per genere

Middle Men

Middle Men

Brendan O'Hara
Società e Cultura

Middle Men is a podcast for men who don't fit neatly into society's straight or gay boxes. Maybe you live a publicly straight life, but privately you're not entirely straight. Maybe you're bi or only into guys, but don't fit neatly into the spaces designed for you. Maybe you don't have a label and don't want one. Middle Men was built for you — the guy in the middle. No labels required. No judgment. Just other guys who get it. I'm the host, Brendan O'Hara — I grew up straight, came out as gay, then landed in the middle. There was no podcast or community for guys like us, so I built it.

8 - “It Took a Lot of Effort Not to Be Me” | Peter Marc Jacobson
0:00 / 0:00
1x
  • 8 - “It Took a Lot of Effort Not to Be Me” | Peter Marc Jacobson

    Peter Marc Jacobson spent nearly 20 years married to Fran Drescher. Their love was real. Their sex life was real. So was his attraction to men.In Episode 7 of the Middle Men Podcast, Peter joins me for a candid conversation about what it was like growing up at a time when the only options seemed to be straight or gay, and spending years trying to make his actual experience fit into one of those boxes.Peter talks about the guilt and constant self-monitoring that came with being attracted to men while loving his wife, telling Fran that he thought he might be bisexual, entering gay spaces for the first time as an adult, living what he describes as “two lives,” and eventually reaching a point where he no longer needed a label to explain the entirety of who he was.We also talk about The Nanny, the real-life relationship that inspired Happily Divorced, intimacy and dating after his marriage, bisexuality, the pressure men feel to fit neatly into straight or gay categories, and what Peter’s life looks like today — with straight and gay friends, a remarkably close relationship with Fran, and a much greater sense of comfort in his own skin.📝 READ THE COMPANION ARTICLEIt Took a Lot of Effort Not to Be Me — Peter Marc Jacobson on loving Fran Drescher, being attracted to men, and the challenge of navigating both at once.https://middlemenwcfc.substack.com/p/it-took-a-lot-of-effort-not-to-be📱 CONNECT WITH PETER MARC JACOBSONInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/officialpetermarcjacobsonTikTok: https://tiktok.com/@peterjacobson68 📺 WATCH THE "HAPPILY DIVORCED" EPISODE WE DISCUSSTorn Between Two Lovetts — Peter discusses this episode in our conversation, in which Fran and Peter unknowingly become interested in the same man — who turns out to be bisexual.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BT8Wvtg0izc ⏱️ CHAPTERS00:00 Loving Fran while being attracted to men03:43 Meeting Fran Drescher & their nearly 20-year marriage07:04 Childhood, family & early feelings of being different10:53 First attraction to men13:37 Experimentation, shame & guilt18:40 Suppressing attraction during the marriage24:59 “Magical thinking” after the violent crime32:35 Telling Fran he thought he was bisexual34:20Gay, bi & the problem with labels39:07 Why attraction to men can erase everything else43:08 Being publicly outed by a tabloid45:11 Turning their story into *Happily Divorced*48:32 Bisexuality on *Happily Divorced*55:03 Entering gay spaces for the first time57:04 “I was living two lives”59:42 Emotional vs. physical attraction1:04:52 Sex, intimacy, connection & getting older1:07:49 “Call me whatever you want. I’m me.”1:09:00 Why bisexuality still makes people uncomfortable1:18:39 What Peter’s life looks like today1:20:53 Final thoughts 👥 JOIN THE MIDDLE MEN COMMUNITYA private online community for men who don’t fit neatly into straight or gay boxes.https://middlemen-podcast.com/community 📩 MIDDLE MEN NEWSLETTERArticles, new episodes, research and updates:https://middlemen-podcast.com/#newsletter📱 FOLLOW MIDDLE MENInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/middlemenwcfcFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/middlemenwcfcTikTok: tiktok.com/@middlemenwcfcX: https://www.x.com/MiddleMenWCFC 🤔 ARE YOU A MIDDLE MAN?Take the anonymous Middle Men survey, and see https://www.middlemen-podcast.com/survey💸 SUPPORT MIDDLE MENDonate to support the podcast, online community, and more. Every bit helps — Middle Men is operated by Brendan alone.https://middlemen-podcast.com/donate🏃 STRAVA CLUBPost your fitness activities, give and get kudos, and connect with other active Middle Menhttps://www.strava.com/clubs/middlemen🤳 If this conversation resonates with you, subscribe to Middle Men and share the episode with someone who may need to hear it.#PeterMarcJacobson #unlabeledmen #gaymarriedmen #BisexualMen #Bisexuality

    Wed, 23 Sep 2026 - 1h 21min
  • 7 - "My Wife Knew I Was Bisexual—But I Still Hid in Plain Sight" - Seth Duffy

    Seth Duffy’s wife knew he was bisexual before they got married. But for years, Seth still felt like he had to bury part of himself — living publicly straight, privately questioning where he belonged, and never feeling completely at home in either straight or gay spaces.


    In this episode of Middle Men, Seth talks openly about growing up with attraction to both men and women, exploring that attraction as a teenager, getting married, being unexpectedly outed to his family on Facebook, dating both women and men, and what it’s like to constantly feel like you have to “edit” yourself depending on the room you’re in.


    Today, Seth is a Business Advisor and Wellness Coach living in St. Petersburg, Florida. He’s currently in a relationship with a man — but still identifies as bisexual and says one of the hardest parts of being bi is that people constantly try to put him into one box or the other.


    We talk about bisexuality, masculinity, coming out, relationships, monogamy, workplace stigma, gay culture, straight culture, mental health, authenticity, belonging, and what happens when you don’t fit neatly into either world.


    One of Seth’s biggest realizations: sometimes the hardest part isn’t figuring out who you are. It’s finding a place where you can be all of who you are at once.


    ⏱️ CHAPTERS

    00:00 Married To A Woman As A Bi Man
    06:58 How the Marriage Ended
    11:22 Wired To Live Authentically
    13:30 Never Asked For An Open Marriage
    17:33 Origin Story: Turkey, East Coast, Pittsburgh, West Virginia, Florida
    19:54 First Signs of Being Bi25:30 The First Quasi Boyfriend
    30:51 Getting Outed On Social Media
    36:57 You’ll Never Stop Coming Out As Bi
    38:29 The Life Challenges Of Being A Middle Man
    52:59 Gays Think You’re Gay, Women Think You’re Kryptonite
    56:02 Bi With A Boyfriend
    1:01:46 Lack Of Spaces Where I Can Be My True Self
    1:08:03 Editing Myself In Straight And Gay Spaces
    1:11:39 The Only Space Where I Can Be My True Self
    1:16:30 Support From Straight And Gay Communities
    1:24:00 Who Middle Men Is For
    1:25:11 Seth’s Advice for Middle Men


    📖 READ THE ARTICLE
    Seth Duffy also wrote an article based on our conversation in this episode. You can read it here:

    ”Too Straight For Glitter, Too Gay For Fantasy Football: The High Cost of the Daily Self Edit”https://substack.com/home/post/p-213443123


    👤 CONNECT WITH SETH
    Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thestpetedude
    LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sethduffy/


    👥 JOIN THE MIDDLE MEN COMMUNITY
    A private space for gay, bi, questioning, closeted, fluid, and unlabeled men to connect without pressure to fit a predetermined identity:
    https://www.middlemen-podcast.com/community


    🤔 ARE YOU A MIDDLE MAN?
    Take the anonymous Middle Men survey, and see


    📩 GET THE NEWSLETTER
    Articles, resources, survey findings, and content from the middle:
    https://www.middlemen-podcast.com/#newsletter


    📱 FOLLOW MIDDLE MEN
    Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/middlemenwcfc
    TikTok: tiktok.com/@middlemenwcfc
    X: https://www.x.com/MiddleMenWCFC
    Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/middlemenwcfc


    💸 SUPPORT MIDDLE MEN
    Donate to support the podcast, online community, and more.
    https://www.middlemen-podcast.com/donate


    🏃 STRAVA CLUB
    Post your fitness activities, give and get kudos, and connect with other active Middle Men
    https://www.strava.com/clubs/middlemen


    👊 If you saw yourself in this, please subscribe — there's a lot more coming.


    🤳 If you know someone who could benefit from this, please share it with them — they probably need it more than you realize.


    #BisexualMen #Bisexuality #MensMentalHealth

    Wed, 09 Sep 2026 - 1h 29min
  • 6 - Why Dating Apps Don’t Always Fix Loneliness | What We’re Really Searching For

    Dating apps can give us more access to other people than ever before — so why do so many men still feel lonely


    Research on men who use dating and hookup apps suggests that spending more time searching doesn’t necessarily lead to more partners or more fulfillment. And among the men finding Middle Men, the same deeper need keeps showing up: not simply sex, but connection, understanding, and a place where they can be fully known.


    In this episode, I explore the dating-app loop — why Grindr, Scruff, Sniffies, Tinder, and other apps can keep us searching long after we’ve gotten what we originally opened them for.


    I also look at research on problematic dating-app use, loneliness, anxiety, self-disclosure, and internalized shame — including a Cornell study of Grindr users that found something surprising: the potentially beneficial part wasn’t sexting. It was telling another person something real about yourself.


    Then I compare that research with responses from hundreds of men in the anonymous Middle Men Survey.


    82% of 395 respondents said they’ve experienced feeling like the “lonely only.” Nearly three-quarters said they’ve felt like they don’t belong in either the straight or gay worlds. And among 93 bisexual and pansexual men surveyed, not one said he felt connected to a bisexual community.


    For many men, dating apps may be one of the easiest available doors to other men.


    But what happens when what we’re actually searching for is something the app can’t reliably provide?


    This episode isn’t about deleting Grindr or condemning hookups. It’s about asking:


    What am I actually looking for when I open the app?

    Sex? Attention? Validation? Someone to talk to? A relationship? Or am I lonely?

    Because different needs may require different doors.

    ⏱️ CHAPTERS

    00:00 Intro — The Dating App Loop
    01:40 Swiss Dating App Study
    02:48 Why I Kept Going Back
    04:57 The “Maybe” Loop
    07:19 Surprising Findings in the Cornell Grindr Study
    08:34 What the Middle Men Survey Reveals
    11:25 And That’s Where the Apps Come In
    12:33 What Men Say They Actually Want
    13:27 Truth-First & Effort-First Connection
    15:42 Before You Open the App Again
    16:29 Another Door


    🤔 TAKE THE MIDDLE MEN SURVEY
    https://www.middlemen-podcast.com/survey


    🔗 JOIN THE MIDDLE MEN COMMUNITY
    https://www.middlemen-podcast.com/community


    📝 READ THE FULL ARTICLE
    https://middlemenwcfc.substack.com/p/the-loop-why-we-keep-searching-even


    📩 NEWSLETTER
    https://www.middlemen-podcast.com/#newsletter


    📱 FOLLOW MIDDLE MEN
    Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/middlemenwcfc
    TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@middlemenwcfc
    X: https://www.x.com/MiddleMenWCFC
    Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/middlemenwcfc


    💸 SUPPORT MIDDLE MEN
    https://www.middlemen-podcast.com/donate


    🏃 STRAVA CLUB
    https://www.strava.com/clubs/middlemen


    📊 ABOUT THE SURVEY

    The Middle Men Survey is anonymous and self-selected and is not nationally representative. Results discussed in this episode include responses from 395 men to broader loneliness and belonging questions, 172 gay/queer respondents, 93 bisexual/pansexual respondents, and 272 respondents to the optional dating-app question.


    📚 RESEARCH

    Winter BL, et al. “Problematic online dating app use and its association with mental and sexual health outcomes in a sample of Men-having-Sex-with-Men.” Journal of Behavioral Addictions, 2025.
    https://doi.org/10.1556/2006.2024.00079


    Taylor SH, Hutson J, Alicea TR. “Social Consequences of Grindr Use: Extending the Internet-Enhanced Self-Disclosure Hypothesis.” CHI, 2017.
    https://doi.org/10.1145/3025453.3025775


    Anna Lembke, Dopamine Nation (2021), used as a conceptual framework for reward-seeking behavior.


    If you saw yourself in this episode, follow Middle Men — and share it with a man who may be searching for something he doesn’t yet have words for.

    Wed, 26 Aug 2026 - 17min
  • 5 - Why I never Felt Gay Enough — And What I Did About It

    You can come out as gay and still feel like you don’t belong in the gay community.


    I know because I lived openly as a gay man for about 15 years—and still never felt fully at home in the most visible gay spaces available to me.


    According to the anonymous Middle Men Survey, I’m far from alone. Only 1 out of 24 gay and queer respondents said he felt very at home in the mainstream gay community. More than 45% said they didn’t really feel like they fit within the mainstream gay scene.


    Coming out of the closet and finding a home are not always the same thing.


    In this episode, I explore why coming out didn’t automatically give me a true sense of belonging; what the Middle Men Survey reveals about gay loneliness, isolation, and mental health; and why some men still feel like outsiders in the communities they were told would become their home.


    I also share the deeply personal reason I created Middle Men, the research behind “intraminority gay community stress,” and what I did after years of moving between straight and gay worlds without feeling like my whole self belonged in either one.


    This is not an attack on gay men, gay culture, or LGBTQ communities. Those communities gave me freedom, friendship, and meaningful experiences during important chapters of my life. They simply don’t feel like home to everyone at all times.


    Middle Men is an additional room for gay, bi, questioning, closeted, fluid, and unlabeled men who want community built around more than sexuality—with no pressure to perform an identity, adopt a label, or change unrelated parts of themselves to fit in.


    TAKE THE ANONYMOUS MIDDLE MEN SURVEY

    https://www.middlemen-podcast.com/survey


    EPISODE CHAPTERS

    00:00 Intro — Coming Out, But Not Coming Home

    01:33 Why I Never Felt Fully at Home

    03:23 What the Middle Men Survey Revealed

    05:15 Why This Is Deeply Personal

    07:20 The Emotional Cost of Not Belonging

    08:17 Intraminority Gay Community Stress

    09:30 What I Did About It

    11:20 Building Another Room

    12:19 Take the Anonymous Survey


    JOIN THE MIDDLE MEN COMMUNITY

    A private space for gay, bi, questioning, closeted, fluid, and unlabeled men to connect without pressure to fit a predetermined identity:

    https://www.middlemen-podcast.com/community


    READ THE FULL ARTICLE

    “Gay, but Not Gay Enough?” — the article that inspired this episode:

    https://www.middlemenwcfc.substack.com


    GET THE NEWSLETTER

    Articles, resources, survey findings, and content from the middle:

    https://www.middlemen-podcast.com/#newsletter


    FOLLOW MIDDLE MEN

    Instagram

    TikTok

    X

    Facebook


    SUPPORT MIDDLE MEN

    All of Middle Men is built and run by Brendan himself. Help support the podcast, online community, and future Middle Men resources:

    https://www.middlemen-podcast.com/donate


    JOIN THE STRAVA CLUB

    https://www.strava.com/clubs/middlemen


    IF YOU’RE STRUGGLING

    This episode includes a discussion of suicide. Middle Men is a peer community, not a substitute for therapy, crisis counseling, emergency care, or other professional mental-health services.


    In the United States, call or text 988, or visit:

    https://988lifeline.org


    ABOUT THE SURVEY DATA

    The Middle Men Survey is anonymous and self-selected. It is not a nationally representative sample, and its results should not be generalized to all gay men or all men.

    - Gay/queer section: 24 respondents

    - Reasons-for-disconnection question: 22 respondents

    - Broader Middle Men questions: 85–89 respondents


    RESEARCH SOURCE

    Pachankis JE, Clark KA, Burton CL, Hughto JMW, Bränström R, Keene DE. “Sex, Status, Competition, and Exclusion: Intraminority Stress From Within the Gay Community and Gay and Bisexual Men’s Mental Health.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2020.

    https://doi.org/10.1037/pspp0000282


    If you saw yourself in this episode, follow Middle Men so you don’t miss what’s coming next.


    And if you know someone who could benefit from hearing it, please share this episode with him. He may need it more than you realize.

    Wed, 05 Aug 2026 - 14min
  • 4 - You Don't Have to Pick a Side | Sexuality Is a Spectrum

    You've been told your whole life that you have to pick a side. Straight or gay. One or the other.


    You don't. Not anymore.


    Sexuality runs on a spectrum, and it can evolve and change over time. I know because I've experienced it myself. And there's a place for the millions of guys like us out there who don't fit neatly into "straight" or "gay."


    In this episode I get into where that pressure to pick a side actually comes from; my personal experience of living a straight life, then a gay life, then landing somewhere in the middle; the challenges that accompany living life in the middle; and how to find a community of like-minded people to help offset those challenges.


    This one is about the permission to stop changing aspects of who you are in order to fit in with straight and gay groups, and to just be your true self with all the other Middle Men out there — without disrupting your current life.


    Join the community and newsletter at middlemen-podcast.com


    ⏱️ CHAPTERS

    00:00 Intro

    00:50 The Pressure to Pick a Side

    01:34 Why You Don't Have to Pick a Side

    02:00 My Story Pt.1 — Straight Until 25, then Coming Out

    04:05 My Story Pt.2 — The Middle

    05:38 The Challenges of Not Picking a Side

    07:22 A Community For Those in the Middle

    08:27 Who This is For


    🔗 JOIN THE MIDDLE MEN COMMUNITY

    A private, anonymous space to connect with other guys in the middle: middlemen-podcast.com/community


    📩 GET THE NEWSLETTER

    Bi-weekly resources, articles, and content from the middle:

    middlemen-podcast.com/#newsletter


    🤔 "AM I A MIDDLE MAN?"

    Take the anonymous Middle Men survey to find out — and see the overall results: middlemen-podcast.com/survey


    📝 READ MORE ON SUBSTACK middlemenwcfc.substack.com


    📱 FOLLOW

    Instagram: instagram.com/middlemenwcfc

    TikTok: tiktok.com/@middlemenwcfc

    X: x.com/MiddleMenWCFC

    Facebook: facebook.com/middlemenwcfc


    🏃 STRAVA CLUB

    strava.com/clubs/middlemen


    💸 SUPPORT MIDDLE MEN
    Donate to support the podcast, online community, and more.
    https://www.middlemen-podcast.com/donate


    📚 SOURCE

    Ross LE, et al. "Prevalence of Depression and Anxiety Among Bisexual People Compared to Gay, Lesbian, and Heterosexual Individuals: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis." The Journal of Sex Research, 2018. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2017.1387755


    If you saw yourself in this, follow the show — there's a lot more coming. And if you know someone who could benefit, share it with them. They need it more than you realize.

    Tue, 28 Jul 2026 - 09min
Mostra altri episodi

Podcast simili a <nome>