Sleeping with Celebrities

Dulcé Sloan has been in your American television many times, appearing as correspondent and guest host of The Daily Show, doing stand up on Conan, and voice acting on The Great North. But she doesn’t have much time to watch her own shows because she’s too busy getting chin deep in Korean dramas, studying their patterns, delighting in the long built-up kisses, and talking about them on her new podcast Chasing K-Dramas. She tells us a great deal about these television programs, why they’re inherently predictable, and why she loves them so much regardless. Plus, Dulcé plays a round of In The Cart Or On The Shelf and evaluates some classic silent movie melodramas of the Nineteen-Teens.

You may have seen the very funny Anjelah Johnson-Reyes in Curb Your Enthusiasm, Ugly Betty, Superstore, or even on the sidelines as an Oakland Raiders cheerleader. Perhaps you’ve seen her comedy specials, including the brand new Ugly Baby, which is about her experiences becoming a mom and, fear not, she is the titular ugly baby here. Or maybe, just maybe, you’ve seen Anjelah in her garden, carefully tending to her plants and vegetables, including tomatoes that she loves so much that she just calls them ‘matoes. All that gardening was at her old house but she remembers it as a wonderful and productive time and she still wonders what those ‘matoes are up to these days. We think she should add them on Instagram, very casual-like.

In the Venn diagram of “heart” and “animation”, the overlap is Rebecca Sugar. Her series, Steven Universe, was more than just the adventures of an unusual boy’s search for identity in a spectacularly imaginative spiritual/paranormal world, it was mind-expanding and profoundly human and humane literature for legions of adoring fans. Rebecca’s non-animation interests are decidedly and literally much more down to earth. She is fascinated by how to build things, especially wee small houses out earthen building materials, the advantages and disadvantages of both the ingredients and of living your life outside the construct of building codes. She talks about the controversy of whether to use the terms “dirt” or “earth”, the presence of the white-throated wood rat, and what cob is when no corn is involved. Also, she plays a historical round of In The Cart Or On The Shelf.

A live in-person performance of Sleeping with Celebrities? At a real theater, the Bayfront Theater,  with lights and guests and an audience? At 5pm in the afternoon? Believe it because it happened. We ventured to the home of Rice-a-Roni, San Francisco to join comedy geniuses from all over at the SF Sketchfest. Hear actor John DiMaggio reveal the secrets of voiceover in a mellow voice that he’s not used to using. Catch a rundown of warm springs with actor, comic, and memoirist Moshe Kasher. Tune into beautiful tunes from musical guest Meredith Edgar, who even covers Metallica in a duet with our host John Moe. John’s daughter Margaret joins us onstage to try to fall asleep during the show - see if she succeeds. The show was taped in January and if you couldn’t be there, well, you’re here now.

Eliza Coupe is an actor who has appeared regularly on shows like Scrubs, where she was Dr. Denise “Jo” Mahoney, and Happy Endings, where she starred as Jane Kerkovich-Williams. She’s also a person who lives much of the time in Joshua Tree, California, dedicating herself to a rather elaborate, daily, hours-long spiritual practice. We’re going to let her go through all that effort while you simply lie back and listen to her smooth professional actor voice tell you all about it. Hear about her sauna suit, her collection of dogs, her supportive husband who would rather not join in on all this business, and the ever-transforming power of snakes. And we play a round of In The Cart Or On The Shelf with actual coupes.

Welcome to Maximum Fun's own BoCo Vault, Sleeping with Celebrities Wing. We bring you beautiful soundscapes for sleep, meditation, yoga, zoning out, or really whatever you like. Thank you for being a member. This is Soundscape #2 - The Runyon Canyon Hiking Trail in Sunny Los Angeles. Hope you brought your sunscreen.

Drea Clark, one of the hosts of the popular and important Maximum Film! podcast has a theory: all middle-aged Guys think about the Roman Empire but from there, the Guys separate into Bigfoot Guys and Alien Guys. Sure, there are anomalies but you can mostly separate guys into those groups. Our host, John Moe, Bigfoot Guy, gets Drea’s opinion on where Rock History Guys, Computer Guys, and other Guys sort out into the Bigfoot and Aliens camps. Is it an airtight taxonomic argument? Not really. Is it an intriguing enough argument to let you conk out? Oh yes.

Pretty big celebrity this week: the document that forms the spine of the United States. The one that members of the military pledge loyalty to instead of the President. The words that serves as a manual for law, justice, and government itself, meant to outlast any administration or trend. And we called in an avalanche of celebrities to read it to you. Peter Sagal, Paget Brewster, John Hodgman, Open Mike Eagle, Josh Gondelman, John Ross Bowie, Anna Sale, David Plotz, Ophira Eisenberg, and just a ridiculous number of Maximum Fun hosts. The idea here is to gather voices in support of that brilliant, flawed, intriguing, and persevering historical document as a foundation of our society at a time when so much of society feels awfully rickety. We hope you enjoy it and that it gives you comfort.

Welcome to Maximum Fun's own BoCo Vault, Sleeping with Celebrities Wing. We bring you beautiful soundscapes for sleep, meditation, yoga, zoning out, or really whatever you like. Thank you for being a member. This is Ambient Track 2: Vanishing Point by Daniel William Gonzalez of Gonzalez Work Station. Open your mind, Quaid.

Doesn’t that sound pleasant? Join host John Moe as he strolls his Saint Paul neighborhood with his dogs. There’s Sally, a black lab mix and senior resident dog, Maisy, an all-over mutt and resident dog who doesn’t like putting on harnesses but does like walks, and Weenie, a foster pug puppy who keeps up with the ladies but not in a straight line. On this walk... Weenie is slightly too big for a cat-sized harness, Harry Hamlin(e) and Sam Shepard, and John declines to flip off a Cybertruck.

It's MaxFunDrive 2026! Listen to the full Bonus Content episode (as well as all of the BoCo in Max Fun history) by going to www.MaximumFun.org/joinsleeping. It's our one-stop portal to become a member and support Sleeping with Celebrities.

Rob Huebel, a friendly and hilarious person, has appeared in movies and tv shows like The Other Guys, The League, and The Sex Lives of College Girls, plus numerous things that don’t have “The” in the title. His new comedy horror film is Grind and he stars in the upcoming There's a Batman Film Starring Gary Busey Buried in the Desert and I'm Going to Find It, which won the special "Sleeping with Celebrities Oscar for Best Title." He’s here to tell you about some rock-solid, can’t-go-wrong business ideas from which you can try to make millions of dollars but please don’t because they would be disastrous. His ideas include operating cotton candy vending machines, mobile podcasting studios, and writing original comedy screenplays. You’ll fall asleep knowing your investments are safe.

Doesn’t that sound pleasant? Join host John Moe as he strolls his Saint Paul neighborhood with his dogs. There’s Sally, a black lab mix and senior resident dog, Maisy, an all-over mutt and resident dog who doesn’t like putting on harnesses but does like walks, and Weenie, a foster pug puppy who keeps up with the ladies but not in a straight line. On this walk... John muses on Guy Branum's description of spring, the accuracy of the Colossal Cafe's description as "colossal," the snobbiness of his dogs, and the linguistic uses of the words "kitten" and "puppy."

It's MaxFunDrive. And here, for the first time, we give you an exclusive look (well, listen) at the craft of podcasting: presenting Casters on Casters. In this episode, John Moe (Sleeping with Celebrities & Depresh Mode with John Moe) talks about his double life, as a person who speaks in a normal voice, and the host he becomes for Sleeping with Celebrities. And Brenda Snell (Secret Histories of Nerd Mysteries) tells us about what she's learned from her listeners, including what actor/basketball star Shaquille O'Neal is like in real life. If this glamorous, in-depth journey into what makes your favorite hosts tick inspires you, support them by joining as a member at maximumfun.org/join. Edited by Jesus Ambrosio and Produced by Laura Swisher for Maximum Fun.

Out of all the podcasts in the world, and there are dozens, Song Exploder is one of the best and totally unique. Hrishikesh Hirway, well, more deconstructs rather than explodes songs and is joined by the musicians who created the song in the first place. And the guests! How about Madonna! U2! Sabrina Carpenter! And so many more. Hrishi is a musician as well with a new album, In The Last Hour of Light, dropping on April 24th. He’s here to talk about music, sure, but also paper. As a former graphic designer, he has many thoughts and details about weight, finish, stock, and coating. How about unbleached cardboard for a CD case? He has thoughts. Paper conversation is a sort of lullaby, you’ll find and Hrishi’s gentle voice will soon have you dreaming of that room in the back of the office where they keep the paper for the copier.

You might know Martha Kelly from her role Emmy-nominated role as the drug lord Laurie on the HBO series Euphoria or for her part as Martha, the deadpan hilarious Costco insurance agent and best friend of Zach Galifianakis’s character in Baskets. You don’t know her from her part in the Alvin & the Chipmunks series of films because she wasn’t in those. Still, her knowledge of those movies runs very deep, stemming from watching them over and over with her niece. Martha Kelly has a love for Alvin and his brothers Simon and Theodore that is sincere and extremely well-informed. She’ll tell you all about the original film, The Squeakuel, Chipwrecked, and even the surprisingly dark fourth film, Road Chip, wherein Tony Hale gets drunk, Theodore gets hit by a car, and a major subplot point involves child abandonment. But everything turns out okay! And you’ll be okay listening to Martha and her plainspoken voice as you drift off to sleep.

If you listen to audio programming, and of course you do, you already know Sam Sanders’ voice from show’s like NPR’s It’s Been a Minute, The NPR Politics Podcast, and The Sam Sanders Show on KCRW, for which he was a natural choice to host, given his name. Sam has a great voice and he works incredibly hard on the somewhat interesting but not ultimately fascinating task of putting together an audio program, whether that’s on podcast or radio. Or video, which still has audio in it. Sam Sanders talks with fellow audio programming veteran John Moe about all the elements of putting together a show such as his or, heck, the show you’re listening to here. Sam reveals his secret tricks to useful curveball questions and his recommendation of just lock your phone in the trunk and drive somewhere like Joshua Tree. Gotta say, Joshua Tree keeps coming up for our guests. John Moe likes it there too. And U2 has a whole album about it. Let’s get those guys on. Anyone have an Irish phone book? We need to look under B for Bono or, I guess, E for The Edge, assuming The is his first name?

Jennifer Hale is voice actor royalty, having vocally appeared as Jean Grey in X-Men ‘97, Cinderella in Disney’s House of Mouse and Ralph Breaks the Internet, Captain "FemShep" Shepard in the Mass Effect games, and Black Cat in Spider-Man: The Animated Series. So, look, you’re in good hands with this voice. This voice knows what it's doing. And it’s ready to send you off to sleep with tales of horse drives. That’s when a whole bunch of horses need to move from one location to another location and they do so with the aid of vehicles, people, and sometimes people riding on other horses. You’ll get a lovely dozing off by the campfire vibe from Jennifer’s stories of the open range. She even reads some Metallica lyrics in her Cinderella voice, which might feel like you’re dreaming.

Being a professional actor, even a very successful one like Damian Young, comes with a fair amount of time left to your own devices. One could use that time to learn Finnish, master close-up street magic, or you could be like Damian and become extremely well dressed. You may have seen him as Lisa Kudrow’s husband in the brilliant comedy series The Comeback (which comes back for a third season on March 22, 20 years after season 1) or on shows like Ozark and Sex & the City. Now listen as he offers detailed prolonged tips on how to look sharp once you awake from the sleep he puts you into.

We’ve never had occasion to use the phrase “titular basterd” on our show before but here it is, possible and even necessary in writing about Paul Rust and the film Inglourious Basterds. We’re not misspelling “basterd” or “inglourious”, mind you, that was director Quentin Tarantino’s artistic choice. Q was also the one who cast Paul Rust, veteran comedy performer in movies and TV, as part of the ensemble of heroes, albeit one with no lines. Paul figures Tarantino thought he looked the part and seemed like an easy guy to hang out with. We think so too! Paul tells us all about making collages, how to gather the materials, how to lay down the pictures and glue them, and how to not get too hung up on everything being perfect. He DID nod his head a lot in the movie and he recreates that for us here. Even on audio, you can sense that he nailed it. Go to sleep hearing about collages and knowing the Nazis were defeated.

You may have seen Stephnie (not a typo, she spells it that way) Weir as a cast member on Mad TV or in appearances on Modern Family, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, and Lady Dynamite. But if you live near Stephnie or happen to be a close friend or colleague, you may also know her from the handmade holiday napkins she distributes to her inner circle. She methodically walks us through the steps of gathering supplies and creating these gifts. She also admits to occasionally checking in on the recipients to see whether the napkins are part of their lives or have mysteriously vanished. When Stephnie had occasion to work with Billy Crystal, she wanted to make him some very special New York Yankees napkins, since that’s his favorite team. It did not go smoothly and you’ll drift off to sleep imagining a politely perplexed Billy Crystal.

Jordan Morris is known to Maximum Fun fans as the funny and engaging co-host of Jordan, Jesse, Go! and Free With Ads. He also makes comics, such as the new Predator: Bloodshed series. It’s all about the Predator, monster sci-fi icon, and his efforts to purchase and install a new shed to put all his blood in. He goes to Home Depot, he tries building one himself after watching YouTube videos, but all the sheds leak blood out, ruining the Predator’s begonias. None of that is true. But there really is a Predator: Bloodshed series, Jordan is behind it, and it’s quite entertaining, as is Jordan. On our program, Jordan tells us all about the many iterations of Godzilla and how the canonical word for the sound Godzilla makes is “skreeonk.” Will it be hard to sleep thinking about Godzilla? No. You’re not a building. You’ll be fine.

We’re hundreds of episodes into Sleeping with Celebrities but we’re just now getting a PBS voice on? I know. We’re so sorry. But this will make up for it. The brilliant, engaging, and funny Simeon Lipman from Antiques Roadshow knows more about baseball cards and, actually, punk rock memorabilia than most people will ever know about anything. And his knowledge includes a whole lot of arcane data. Let him regale with tales of Jimmy Claxton and of Simeon’s long quest to acquire that one Billy Ripken card. You know the one I’m talking about. Yes, baseball can be exciting, and, yes, punk rock even more so, but we promise you that the dulcet tones of Simeon Lipman (current PBS voice) and John Moe (former public radio voice) will zonk you out faster than a fastball to the head and with much less pain.

The hilarious actor Vella Lovell is a put-upon director of an animal control precinct in the sitcom Animal Control, a role that involves much more animal contact than one would expect for an office job. Turns out Vella, who also played the neighbor Heather on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, has a natural knack for helping animals calm down. This was evident in her long process of introducing a new kitten, Tequila, to her household, which already included a veteran resident cat, Marlo. Sleepyheads, the process took weeks of gentle, gradual exposure under highly controlled conditions, and we’re pleased to report that it was a complete success. Marlo and Tequila are, today, best buddies. We think you’ll be fast asleep before you ever get to that happy friendship moment but maybe you’ll sleep a little better knowing that it turned out so well.

It is foolish to try to describe the music of the Gogol Bordello and its charismatic frontman Eugene Hütz so we’ll just list the genres Wikipedia uses: Punk rock, folk punk, Latin rock, polka, folk rock, dub, Romani, and Gypsy punk. Wikipedia also uses the adjective “theatrical” and we won’t argue with that. Within the veteran hit band’s whirling storm of musical virtuosity, there are guitars. In playing those guitars, there are strokes, and within those strokes, there are downstrokes and that’s where our conversation with Eugene is centered. In contrast to his stage presence, which would definitely wake you up, Eugene calmly explains the essential nature of the downstroke and also expounds on punk in general, Madonna’s drumming career, and the oft-forgotten tremolo. You’ll want to start a punk band. Tomorrow, though, after a good sleep.

Actor Todd Stashwick’s IMDb page is miles long, with appearances in Laws & Orders OG and SVU, Angel, Buffy, Courage the Cowardly Dog, The Riches, Phineas and Ferb, and Star Trek: Picard and the upcoming Marvel Cinematic Universe Disney+ series VisionQuest. He’s also a Bigfoot enthusiast. Not a big foot enthusiast, a fan of the cryptozoological creature also known as Sasquatch. Alert followers of host John Moe know that he shares this interest as well, and deeply. John and Todd compare notes on what is actually a soothing activity: poring over YouTube videos, reading first person accounts, and speculating on whether the “Bigfoot as transdimensional traveler” angle is possible or just a little too far. At various points in this interview, John gets a bit too excited about Bigfoot and, remembering what our show is, producer Gabe Mara calms him down.

There are many transportation options in New York. It’s not all subways and taxi cabs that cut in front of you and make you yell about how you’re walking here like in that movie. There are also regular old cars, like the one comedian and writer Jordan Carlos has for getting around that city. He tells us in detail what that’s like, what the sky tram to Roosevelt Island is like, and how complicated things can get with local transportation bureaucracy if you accidentally drop your phone on a railroad track. Jordan is the author of Choreplay: The Marriage-Saving Magic of Getting Your Head Out of Your Ass, which comes out next month, and he also shares with us the power of changing the toilet paper roll in making your relationship a successful one.

Rachael Yamagata is an accomplished musician and singer who has recorded several acclaimed albums, including Starlit Alchemy just a few months ago, and performed and recorded with the likes of Rhett Miller, Jason Mraz, and Bright Eyes. When she’s not making beautiful music, she’s watching her back yard like a hawk. Like a hawk that takes on several ambitious backyard projects. Relax in Rachael’s sonic virtual yard and drift off while she tells you about the persistent squirrels, whether you can ever have enough gravel, why you actually can’t ever have enough gravel, and why it’s so important to call Cobra Kai to deal with snakes. No, not the morally ambiguous Karate Kid dojo, just this guy Kai who happens to be really good with snakes. The critters are all taken care of. Shh. Sleep time.

Instagram can be a minefield of powerful influencers making you feel terrible about not having millions of dollars and a glamorous lifestyle, or, OR, it could be filled with odd things like banjo players plucking away in National Parks. Writer, comedian, filmmaker, and podcaster Akilah Hughes has published a memoir, Obviously: Stories From my Timeline, written for Steven Soderbergh’s Command Z television series, and hosted shows on the Crooked Media network. Most importantly for us, she knows how to manipulate social media to get to the good stuff, the weird stuff, and the good weird stuff. No Mr. Beast here but plenty to put you to sleep right away and arm you with new sleep tools tomorrow. Akilah and John Moe also talk about Bigfoot and the alleged interdimensionality of Bigfoot, because if you get John talking long enough he’s bound to come around to Bigfoot. He cannot help it.

We love all of our guests on this podcast and are delighted that they helped amuse you to sleep. There are some among those guests who seem to have an extra-special ability to get what we’re asking for, to grasp the mission, to understand the assignment. They speak in extra hushed tones, they choose astoundingly benign subject matter, they delight and bring forth some nice laughs, they drone, they lull, and they conk you right the heck out. On this, our 150th episode, we bring you some all-stars of that craft. Demi Adejuyigbe talks film photography, Paget Brewster shares bone broth secrets, Chris Kluwe breaks down NFL punting in more steps than you thought possible, Lulu Miller offers thoughts on dolphins and other animals, Hanif Abdurraqib walks you through his band shirt collection, and Janet Varney communes with nocturnal critters. You’re in good hands here. Night night.

Roxane Gay is one of the greatest writers in the world today. Everyone knows this. We’re so thrilled that she agreed to be on our show. Roxane is the author of books like Bad Feminist and Hunger, writes for the New York Times, is a respected social critic and noted professor. All this means that she travels a lot and she joins us, using a very soothing voice, to share her opinions on air travel. Hear about her favorite airports, such as Indianapolis, and her least favorite airports, like JFK in New York. We even get some book recommendations from Roxane since we had her on the line and she is Roxane Gay, after all. You’ll drift off to sleep dreaming of travel without ever waiting in a TSA line.

You might know Jon Lovett as the host of the podcast Lovett or Leave It or as one of the hosts of the influential Pod Save America show. On those shows, Jon and others talk about big events in politics and try to make sense of it all. Which is hard. But it turns out that America itself, the very Constitution of this nation, may have a fatal flaw it in it, a loophole that could be activated and instantly make it a totalitarian country (or, depending on how you see things, even more so). It’s a loophole, Jon Lovett tells us, first brought up by Kurt Gödel, last name pronounced like the ladies’ undergarment. He was an influential mathematician and logician from Eastern Europe who found the loophole while studying for his citizenship test. He passed but, crucially, never revealed the loophole even though his pal Albert Einstein wanted him to. And then Gödel died in 1978, secret still safe. So you’ll be able to sleep safe.

We understand that for many people, Jodie Sweetin is forever linked to Stephanie Tanner, the character she played for eight years on Full House and four more years on Fuller House. But we doubt Stephanie was nearly as much into Lego building sets as the real Jodie is. In fact, we seriously doubt anyone is as much into Legos as Jodie. She joins us to talk about some of her favorite sets that she’s put together and how the little interlocking bricks play a major role in establishing peace of mind. Jodie loves nothing better than to get a big kit to put together, turn on a grisly true crime podcast, and then meticulously follow the directions of assembly. Not exactly transcendental mediation but certainly meditative. She shares with us how her daughters have always had toys of their own and are not to play with Mom’s bricks. You’ll doze off to Jodie’s familiar voice extol the virtues of precise assembly.

Actor and writer Bridger Winegar has appeared in Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Jimmy Kimmel Live, and as the host of his own delightful podcast I Said No Gifts, where his guests insist on bringing gifts, despite the title and he acts upset but really loves it. Bridger has had his iPhone for a long time, it gets used a lot, and, frankly, it’s pretty worn out. So he needs a new one. But rather than simply buy the latest edition, Bridger is going to take a more considered approach, verbally examining and evaluating ALL iPhone models that have ever come out, dating back to the original 2007 model. As you doze off, you’ll hear Bridger carefully consider all his choices and examine each feature of every phone. It’s kind of like being stuck at the cell phone store but you’re listening to someone really funny and kind and clever and also you’re in bed and can go ahead and fall asleep.

The comedian Myq Kaplan has appeared on The Tonight Show, Conan, Late Night with David Letterman, and many other television programs. He also hosts two podcasts, has released comedy albums, and has a new comedy special, Rini, which is also the name of his girlfriend. That’s an unusual name but then so is Myq. He used to be Mike but changed it at summer camp one year and it stuck. You can change your name whenever you want to. Myq loves advice columns. Your Dear Abbys, your Ann Landerses, even your Dan Savages. Just likes hearing solutions that go with people’s problems. Myq also thinks there’s a correlation between people who like advice columns and fans of cryptic crosswords. So lean back, relax, listen to the gently repeating problem-solution continuum of our talk with Myq. And get a GNS. That’s good night’s sleep. Sincerely, Sleeping with Celebrities.

We were so excited (though we kept it subdued) to meet the hilarious Wendi McLendon-Covey from Reno 911!, St Denis Medical, Bridesmaids, and Barb & Star Go To Vista Del Mar. Wendi enjoys going to concerts and says it gives her the same satisfaction as travel but it’s shorter and cheaper. You’ll find that listening to Wendi talk about concerts is like traveling or going to a concert yourself but with the added benefit of not leaving your comfy bed and knocking out a GNS yourself. GNS stands for Good Night’s Sleep and it’s an acronym we’re going to use some more. We hear about some of Wendi’s favorite shows, including George Michael at his ripped jeans and leather jacket finest. Best of all, Wendi very much understood the assignment of our show and uses her most soothing voice so your trip to a GNS is assured.

You might know Eddie Pepitone from standup stages around the country, as “The Heckling New Yorker” on Late Night with Conan O’Brien, as an actor on Reno 911! or Bob’s Burgers, from his brand new comedy special The Collapse, or from his podcast Apocalypse Soon. Or if you’re a close follower of people who get worked up about purchasing binoculars and then never really use the binoculars, you might know him from that because that’s also who Eddie is. He fills us in on his constant search for just the right shopping decision that will solve his problems and set his world in order but he just can’t seem to find it. True contentment lies within, of course, you Sleepyheads know that, but let’s not tell Eddie. Using a much softer voice and calmer demeanor than he’s traditionally known for, you’ll drowsily follow along on Eddie’s shopping quest and ultimately doze off while he’s still comparing features and prices. Maybe he’ll buy a canvas chair.

Allison Raskin has a pretty diverse array of interests. She’s a former Buzzfeed video creator, co-host of the podcast Just Between Us, and the author of numerous best-selling books, including Please Send Help, Overthinking About You, and the new Save the Date. How does she unwind from this busy life? By being obsessed with Inspector Gamache, the Quebecois crime solver found in novels by Louise Penny and on television, played by Alfred Molina. Join us for a meandering conversation about Gamache’s brilliance, maple taffy, and the Quebec lunchtime experience of the “trio”, where you get a half sandwich, a cup of soup, AND a small salad. You don’t have to choose in Quebec. You can have it all. Drift off to sleep with that happy contented thought in your head.

Look, it’s okay. You’ll be able to sleep just fine. Sure, witches can be scary but keep two things in mind: witches are pretend so they can’t hurt you and some list-making analytical thinking is a great way to doze off to some shuteye that is guaranteed toad, broomstick, and cackle-free. SwC returning guest Lindy West teams up with Meagan Hatcher-Mays to do the honors. The two of them host the podcast Text Me Back Podcast. Find out if the witches at the beginning of Macbeth outrank Dianne Wiest and Stockard Channing in Practical Magic. Do Erivo and Grande defeat Strega Nona? You’ll have to tune in and find out, obviously. As one famous melting witch once said, what a world, what a world.

Can you improvise a musical? Sure, you can. But isn’t it hard to do? Absolutely. That’s why hardly anyone does it. I mean, who wants to do hard things? Well, Jessica McKenna and Zach Reino do. They’re the hosts and creators of Off Book, a podcast where they improvise a whole new musical with each episode. They’ve also appeared on shows like Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, The Goldbergs, and Comedy Bang! Bang! (forgive our use of exclamation points, Sleepyheads). Jessica and Zach travel a lot and they sure do love tiki bars. You know with the pineapples and the garish decor and all that. They join John Moe to talk about the forgotten (and perhaps made up) oyster musical Oyster Ranch, the role of the “Edward Albee” in a theater, and all the things, like airplanes, that should be made tiki.

Fans of the long-running animated comedy Archer already know Amber Nash as Pam Poovey, the former H.R. director at ISIS. She has superhuman strength and a dolphin hand puppet. Pam does, not Amber. Amber has human strength and we don’t know about the puppets. Amber is the host of the brand new Rephrasing: An Archer Rewatch Podcast here on Maximum Fun. She’s also a devotee of the Vermont Country Store Catalog, a compendium of folksy and sometimes odd items that shows up as a kind of print portal to a rustic and slow-paced Vermont that exists only in the mail-order-verse. Tour around this soothing place with Amber, help her shop for one-of-a-kind gift ideas for the eccentric and rustic folks on your holiday list, and hear all about store founder Vrest Orton. He was pals with H.P. Lovecraft and his name was really Vrest. You’ll fall asleep in the Vermont portal but wake up safe and rested in your own bed.

Steve Agee is a beloved actor, writer, comedian, and all-around funny person, seen most recently as John Economos in the John Cena DC Comics series Peacemaker on HBO. You may have caught his work in films like The Suicide Squad and Guardians of the Galaxy, vol. 2. You didn’t see him in Meatballs, the 1979 Bill Murray summer camp comedy, because Steve was just a wee boy back then. Steve has seen Meatballs, though. Oh has he ever. He loves the film, loves summer camp in general, although in his middle-age he has realized what a terrible employee Bill Murray’s character really is in the film. Insubordinate rule breaker who should be fired, when you stop and think about it. Steve also talks about what it’s like to have a job like his where a day of labor might mean having to kill a gorilla with a chainsaw. Not a real gorilla, Sleepyheads, it’s just pretend. And we won’t play that scene for you. We want you to sleep. Steve has a very soothing voice, by the way. So that will help. He even listens to the show! But he probably won’t listen to this episode because that would feel weird.

We grant you that listening to actual D.C. hardcore music will probably not put you into the best state for sleep. The dulcet tones of Roman Mars, however, discussing said scene? Yeah, that ought to do it. Roman is the creator and host of the beloved and hugely popular podcast 99% Invisible and a public radio veteran so, yes, his voice is as smooth as butter spread on top of more butter. He shares with us the deep caring and mutual love within hardcore, the camaraderie that lies beneath the music and he conveys that will likely punch your ticket on the Dreamland Express. Also, Roman reveals which popular Taylor Swift song is secretly a punk song.

Host John Moe leads off this episode by extolling the virtues of foster dog caretaking and he enumerates the many dogs his family as tended to in the last year: Cowboy, Bug, Beans, Ducky, Pork Chop, Radar, and Car Wash. All these dogs were, and all dogs are, eccentric. Then we welcome cartoonist Nathan Pyle, the man who brings you those Strange Planet cartoons where aliens attempt to understand the eccentric ways of human beings. We are a fascinating and bizarre species as Nathan illustrates in his hilarious works. Nathan tells us all about his favorite YouTube habit, the key to his happy algorithm: long blocks of old commercials. He just adores them, finds them relaxing, distracting, and altogether peaceful. Hear about a young Shaquille O’Neal, the Easy Bake Oven, and the Got Milk? campaign as you drift away to sleep.

J. Kenji López-Alt knows more about food than you or I put together. He has won James Beard Awards, contributed to New York Times Cooking and Serious Eats, and his books include The Food Lab: Better Home Cooking Through Science, The Wok: Recipes and Techniques, and a children’s book titled Every Night is Pizza Night. But he’s no snobby foody. He pays careful attention to how to stack ingredients in the humble hardshell taco so that you maximize flavor and minimize structural collapse. He also has thoughts on the burger (don’t think toppings, think bottomings). This is an episode that will fill you up, not with tacos and burgers, shouldn’t eat those in bed anyway, but with wisdom and practical advice on how to make your next meal architecturally correct and tasty too. For olives, he likes the sliced up ones. Yep, straight from the can.

Actor and comedian Baron Vaughn is familiar to audiences for his work on Grace & Frankie, Mystery Science Theater 3000, and The New Negroes with friend of the show Open Mike Eagle. He’s familiar to his family for watching a whole lot of those multi-episode, sepia photograph-intensive, history rich documentaries by Ken Burns on subjects like baseball, the Civil War, the Brooklyn Bridge, and Doritos, although we made that last one up. Baron tells us all about his favorite Burns works and why he actually hasn’t made his way all the way through most of them because, yeah you guessed it, he dozes off after a while. You’ll doze off as Baron shares his Burnsian adoration as well as his passionate interest in the history of comedy.

You have definitely seen actor, writer, and director Ravi V. Patel on a screen before. He’s one of those guys that seems to be in everything. Perhaps most recently as a team mentor on the new season of LEGO Masters Jr. or maybe co-starring on Animal Control with Joel McHale or acting in Ghosts or being put through some grueling paces on Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test. All the while, he has a family with young children. It’s a very busy life for Ravi and he’s able to accomplish all this, in part due to an extremely detailed nutrition and fitness routine, which he will tell you all about. He’ll even tell you what type of book to read at bedtime (if you’re not listening to the show) and how many grams of protein to get each day (it rhymes with schmirty). You’ll be asleep before you know it, even as Ravi goes off to film some new television show.

When you have two guests on one show, you’re going to get a variety of topics, especially when they have such diverse interests as tennis great Patrick McEnroe and Broadway icon Melissa Errico. The two, married 26 years, take us on a very friendly and relaxing jaunt through a very old-timey English castle (that somehow has a sauna and Pilates room), various off-the-beaten-path tourist spots in Italy, plus Frankfurt, Copenhagen, and Capri, home of those pants. And we get in plenty of discussion of tennis, which you can enjoy without keeping score (in that weird tennis way), running, or grunting. You can just lie down and let the anecdotes wash over you. Patrick tells us that his older brother, John McEnroe, has recorded a sleep story for a major sleep aid app, but that will cost you money and our show won’t. Also, while Patrick will definitely send you to sleep, we have a hard time believing the same about John, having seen him get really super mad at line judges.

As hosts of the Happy Wife Happy Life podcast, comedians/writers/actors Kendahl Landreth and Jordan Myrick help their listeners navigate everything related to relationships. Here on our show, in this episode, they bring that gift of harmony to society’s views of chihuahuas, especially their own rescue dog, Angel. As you drift off to sleep, you’ll hear about Angel’s peculiarities, why these dogs are not necessarily annoying but possibly misunderstood, and you’ll hear the surprising information that one of Paris Hilton’s chihuahuas was 23 dang years old when it finally passed away. 23. Can you believe that? Turns out, Paris was an excellent tiny dog caretaker. You’ll love spending your sleepytime with Kendahl, Jordan, and Angel who doesn’t bark at all during show. Not so yappy at all, you see.

The versatile Ana Marie Cox is a podcast host (Space the Nation, Past Due), a veteran journalist (MTV News, The New York Times Magazine), the founding editor of Wonkette, a writing instructor, and a political pundit and analyst, frequently featured on various cable news programs. But not to worry. Ana stays out of the political fray in this interview. I mean, nothing better to keep you stressed out and awake than the current political climate. Instead, Ana takes us on a tour of all the places she lived as a young person growing up in Texas, primarily around Austin and Fort Worth. Hear about the floor plans, the decor, and everything else you need to hear but not truly engage with as you drift off to sleep. Like all of our best episodes, it’s interesting enough to keep you distracted from your worries (like, you know, politics) but not so interesting that you lose sleep. Gotta have your sleep, Sleepyheads.

Here’s how we figure it: if you appear on our show (the most popular podcast in the world) (look that up) (don’t), you automatically become a celebrity. We have listeners all over this planet at least. That makes hardware store assistant manager Winter Burnett a celebrity. During our last Max Fun Drive, we set a stretch goal for new members and said if we hit that goal, one of you Sleepyheads could be the guest celebrity on the show. We hit it and received several excellent pitches. Winter’s concept: there are two laundromats in her town of Morris, IL (1.5 hours from Chicago, depending on traffic) so let’s look at the similarities and differences between Wash & Dry and Soaps. What kind of machines are there? What’s the TV situation? And which one has an adjoining hot dog place that also serves something called pizza puffs? You will be very, very mildly interested as you fall asleep, waking hours later feeling freshly laundered.

King of the multi-hyphenates Demi Adejuyigbe joins John to talk cameras, film, his favorite camera store, and... zzzzzz

You know Janet Varney from her starring roles in You’re the Worst and The Legend of Korra and from hosting two Maximum Fun podcasts, The JV Club and E Pluribus Motto, which she co-hosts with John Hodgman and which just launched its second season. But to the critters of the night, Janet is simply a friend, a liaison between themselves and all the diurnal humans. She talks about many nocturnal animals she encounters or nearly encounters around her Los Angeles home, including coyotes, possums, raccoons, and skunks, who, when they’re all out of stink spray, will pound their paws on the ground and make a “puh!” sound. It’s cute but not nearly as intimidating as the whole spray thing. Join Janet as she enumerates the various pals of the night and drift off to sleep knowing they’re out there.

Kathy Valentine is the bassist for the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame inductees The Go-Go’s. Emerging from the L.A. punk scene, ruling the charts, and still playing shows 47 years later, any member of the band must have a million thrilling stories about life as real live rock stars. But we’re a show that tries to put you to sleep so on our program Kathy talks about all the cats she has owned over the course of her life: Organic, Simon, Clorox, Protozoa, Greymalkin, Coconut, Elvis, Dart, Howard Hughes, Gingerman, Rocky, Dodge, Sylvie, and Mazzy. Learn the peculiarities of each kitty family member, their nuances and tendencies, as you drift off to sleep. Never mind your lips, your eyelids will be sealed. It’s like a vacation. We got the beat to your circadian rhythm. You’ll be head over heels in bed.

You may know Paget Brewster as FBI Supervisory Special Agent Emily Prentiss on the television series Criminal Minds or as Joey’s girlfriend Kathy on multiple episodes of Friends. If you’re a particularly discerning entertainment consumer, you also know her from Andy Richter Controls the Universe or as Sadie Doyle on the podcast and stage series The Thrilling Adventure Hour. We’re not going to talk about any of that here, however, because we are going to spend a long time talking about bone broth. Paget walks us through the extensive days-long process of creating a broth that provides the foundation for many delicious meals. Listen to Paget’s soothing voice and drift off to sleep and maybe when you wake up you’ll have expert bone broth skills of your own.

Is this a feat that the beloved author, actor, and host of Maximum Fun’s Judge John Hodgman can actually pull off? Well, no, probably not. There are over 4,600 such islands and he’s only one mortal human. Come on. But will he make a pretty game attempt for a little while and invite you to join his efforts as you drift off to sleep? Oh yes. Oh absolutely yes. And together, we’ll learn about geodesic domes along the way and that will be neat.

The very funny and charming Julie Klausner is known for her starring role in the acclaimed Hulu dark comedy series Difficult People and she has appeared in Big Mouth, What We Do in the Shadows, At Home with Amy Sedaris, and many other beloved and hilarious programs. It’s stressful work, we think, because Julie has had a lot of massages over the years and she’s here to tell you all about them. We hope you’ll find our conversation as relaxing and sleep-inducing as a real massage but we assure you there will be no oils applied to you, nor will there be a CD of whale songs or the vague threat of wind chimes. And you can wear whatever you like.

Chris Duffy is a writer, extremely funny comedian, and host of the TED podcast How To Be a Better Human. He’s also a former contestant on Who Wants To Be a Millionaire? (answer: well, we all do, of course) where a producer asked what he would do if he won the titular million bucks and Chris said he would buy a lifetime supply of new socks. That’s a bad answer, the producer said, but Chris stands by it. He loves the feel of new socks quite a bit and has many thoughts on sock selection based on length, material, and overall foot feel. He cares about socks a whole lot and, being the show we are, we let him go on talking about socks and you can listen while you fall asleep, giggling occasionally. Doesn’t that sound pleasant? Sure it does.

You know Tamara Keith as NPR’s Senior White House Correspondent and as one of the hosts of the NPR Politics Podcast. You can count on her to deliver up-to-the-minute news and analysis on the most dramatic beat in journalism, even if it’s news that you may find very alarming. But there’s nothing alarming or upsetting about Tamara’s thoughts on the vast and delicious world of pies, it’s all very pleasant. She tells about making her favorite cherry pie and the pecan pie served at the secret White House basement Christmas party. Tamara’s job forbids her from offering an opinion on politics but she offers one here: cheesecake is not a pie. Drift off to sleep and dream of delicious, delicious pie served by a gentle NPR voice.

Comedian, actor, and author Tamara Yajia has a new book Cry for Me, Argentina: My Life as a Failed Child Star that doesn’t spend all that much time on the subject of charcuterie boards. But that’s what our discussion is for. Learn about Tamara’s grandfather’s extensive and somewhat emotionally charged boards and how they inspired her to make vast boards of her own, first in England and then in America. Learn also about how Brad Pitt became such a fan of Tamara’s charcuterie-informed podcast that he invited her over to his place for... charcuterie. Truth be told, he probably had someone else put it together but it was a nice gesture nonetheless. Tamara lays out a spread of conversation about salami, cheese, but never candy or fish, as you drift off to a delicious sleep.

Hanif Abdurraqib is a poet, cultural critic, and author of numerous books, including They Can’t Kill Us Until They Kill Us, A Little Devil in America, and There’s Always This Year. He’s very passionate about music, as is evidenced in his massive collection, purchased online and at concert venues, of concert t-shirts, band sweatshirts, and other vintage apparel linked to various artists. Hanif walks us through his criteria for selecting which shirts to buy as well as what will determine the coming culling of his collection down to a more manageable 70. He also details the white whale that’s still out there, the item he dreams of: Tina Weymouth’s Talking Heads jacket last spotted onstage in Rome in 1980. Tina, if you still have that jacket, give us a call. Fall asleep as you listen to Hanif, who has a lovely soothing voice, take you through his closet and his thinking.

If you love history, you already know about the lovely podcast The Memory Palace, which celebrates the quirky and intriguing elements of stuff that has happened. If you haven’t heard it, go listen. But first, hear honey-voiced host Nate DiMeo explain his complex and impassioned opinions on team names, logos, the nefarious nature of image consultants, and Utah somehow being known for Jazz.

Nobody knows pop culture better than Linda Holmes, one of the hosts of NPR’s Pop Culture Happy Hour, and culture doesn’t get much more pop than the nineties teen prime time soap Beverly Hills, 90210. Let Linda guide you to sleep while she introduces you to Brandon, Brenda, Kelly, Steve, Donna, and even Scott, who we frankly didn’t even know existed until Linda told us about him. We also challenge Linda to tell us, in the calmest and most soothing way possible, about the car bomb that killed Dylan’s dad. Linda Holmes has the honor of being the first returning guest on Sleeping with Celebrities and if you’re still awake after this episode, go back and listen to her give the full scoop on Melrose Place.

There are many places to acquire food and household items in the greater Los Angeles area. You could go to Costco, you could go to Ralphs, you could even swing by 99 Ranch. Or if you listen to this episode with the delightful Sierra Katow, you could visit all these places and let Sierra do the driving while you zonk off to sleep, sated with the audio equivalent of free samples of tasty snacks. You might have seen Sierra on Sex Lives of College Girls or Last Comic Standing or perhaps you’ve heard her as one of the hosts of Maximum Fun’s TV Chef Fantasy League. Or maybe you just know her from the produce aisle.

Roxane Gay is one of the greatest writers in the world today. Everyone knows this. We’re so thrilled that she agreed to be on our show. Roxane is the author of books like Bad Feminist and Hunger, writes for the New York Times, is a respected social critic and noted professor. All this means that she travels a lot and she joins us, using a very soothing voice, to share her opinions on air travel. Hear about her favorite airports, such as Indianapolis, and her least favorite airports, like JFK in New York. We even get some book recommendations from Roxane since we had her on the line and she is Roxane Gay, after all. You’ll drift off to sleep dreaming of travel without ever waiting in a TSA line.

Allan McLeod is an actor who has appeared on Parks & Recreation and You’re the Worst. He’s a podcaster who appears regularly as host on Walkin’ About, here on Maximum Fun. And, for our purposes on this episode, he’s a camper, who appears pretty often at campgrounds around California. Allan walks us through his incredibly detailed and quite lengthy packing list that he uses whenever he and his family take off for the great outdoors and he discusses some tips and tricks for making your camping adventure a wonderful experience. Drift off to sleep as you listen to Allan and imagine a toasty sleeping bag and a single owl hooting in the distance.

Whether you know her from the phenomenally popular YouTube channel Philosophy Tube or from her acting appearances in House of the Dragon or The Acolyte, chances are Abigail Thorn was dry when you saw her and above the surface of the water. Just know that this is not where she prefers to be. Abigail is a scuba diver and is here to send you to sleep by telling you all about her pastoral adventures had while wearing a self-contained underwater breathing apparatus. She made friends with an octopus.

Queen Priyanka is many things: singer, drag queen, Canadian television personality. But today we talk about her role as dog owner and keen observer of the quirks and personality facets of other dog owners, specifically the kind of dog owner that can be characterized as “crazy-ass dog owner.” If you like dogs, are fascinated by the eclectic habits of their owners, or just enjoy hearing conversation with a charming and vivacious human being, you will drift off to sleep with a smile on your face.

Being the CEO of Maximum Fun is not as glamorous as you might expect. In fact, it involves a lot of running reports. That’s what we found out from Bikram Chatterji in our latest and final installment of our Naps with Normies series. Tune in and drift off for a quick snooze while the big boss of the whole shebang reveals how shockingly normal his work really is.

You’ve heard of the Max Fun Drive. Perhaps you’ve heard us mention it eight billion times. We have to. It’s how we are able to exist. The person who runs the whole drive is April and while she won’t extoll you to donate during this edition of Naps with Normies, she will tell you all about all the spreadsheets and reports she has to run. Just a constant sea of precise low-key work to be done.

You’ve likely seen some of the famous pictures of former astronaut and NFL player Leland Melvin with his two beloved and boisterous dogs, Jake and Scout, Leland is wearing a space suit, the dogs are showering him with affection. It’s really wonderful. Leland, WHO HAS BEEN TO SPACE, tells us all about the dogs he’s had, what it’s like to orbit the earth, and he goes into a lot of detail about his lifelong hobby of converting trucks into campers. Leland is just the most delightful guy and you will love going to sleep with his voice.

Danny Baruela is responsible for you being able to hear your favorite shows at Maximum Fun, serving as the company’s Technology and Data Specialist. Unlike many people who we have as guests, he’s not a celebrity. Has no movie to promote nor album to plug. He’s a normie, with tasks to perform, a life to live, and a great deal of complicated computer things to keep track of. Get to know Danny as you settle in for a nap. With a normie.

When you become a member of Maximum Fun at even the $5/month level, you get access to our entire library of Bonus Content, including this year’s Sleeping with Celebrities special: The Celebrity Parade of Dreams Supershow. We asked guests from the last year of the show to tell us their weirdest and funniest dreams to lay the groundwork for dream of your own. Here, for FREE, is a little preview of that episode to give you a taste, featuring Jenny Lawson, Josh Gondelman, Blaine Capatch, and Nate Corddry.

Laura Swisher, also known as Swish, is a senior producer at Maximum Fun, overseeing several shows, including ours. Unlike many people who we have as guests, she’s not a celebrity. Has no movie to promote nor album to plug. She’s a normie, with tasks to perform, a life to live, and so many dogs to sit. Get to know Swish as you settle in for a nap. With a normie.

During the Max Fun Drive, we’re offering you special mini-sodes in our regular feed. In this one, host John Moe tells of fostering a rescue dog named Ducky who is really moved by being allowed up on the couch. So much so that he builds a vast network of used and donated couches for dogs to lie down and relax on. It’s a really impressive business model, especially for a rescue Pomeranian.

Certain movies would have you believe the dogs can play football but I think we all agree iguanas shouldn’t. They’re too delicate. They can, however, form eclectic musical ensembles and play mid-tempo music on bugle, triangle, oboe, and woodblock. This is the story of one band that did just that and was much beloved by a local football team, especially number 75.

For many people, Steve Inskeep is a voice you hear in the morning on NPR in intermittent bursts, sometimes telling you about alarming news. We switch that around with Steve, bringing him to you for a bedtime appearance and speaking at length about things that are benign or even pleasant. Steve discusses the state of Indiana, Abraham Lincoln, the processes of the Library of Congress, and how to make your boyhood friends upset by calling a high school football game without favor or bias. Let his dulcet NPR tones send you off to sleep.

Obviously, Seattle has a rich and vibrant wizard scene. We all know this. Well, one day, one of the wizards turned a tugboat named Louie into a human being and Louie decided to do one of the most Seattle things possible: open a teriyaki restaurant. He was really good at it. The meat was not too soggy but not burnt, the glaze was sweet and just a little salty, the cursory salad was fine. And after a while, Louie had thoughts of expanding to new locations but then didn’t.

During the Max Fun Drive, we’re offering you special mini-sodes in our regular feed. In this one, host John Moe tells one of his improvised and semi-drowsy bedtime stories. It’s about an onionman named Ed, who opens the shop of his dreams, selling all 21 types of onions. But in the effort to market his shop, he finds a love even greater than onions: dancing. Tune in and drift off to sleep as Ed leaves his vidalias behind to trip the light fantastic.

You may know actress and comedian Mary Holland from the new movie Nightbitch or from TV shows like Veep, Bob’s Burgers, and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Or you might know her from literally hundreds of escape rooms around the country, where she absolutely loves solving puzzles, cracking codes, and figuring out how to escape the room. And then she goes right back into another room and has to escape from that one too and the process continues. Hear all about escape rooms and the triumphant, satisfying feeling of escaping them as you drift off to sleep.

Samantha Irby, best-selling author of several hilarious books of essays, is one of the funniest and most delightful people you’re likely to come across. In this episode, we talk about all the things she likes to buy as well as the things she avoids on a routine trip to her local drugstore. We even comb through some of the newspaper circulars for her favorite store to see what she would like to toss in her cart and what she’d leave on the shelf. Look, there aren’t any shocking revelations here, no huge reveals, just a very friendly trip to the Walgreen’s that will have you chuckling off to sleep.

Is it weird for a grown man to own lots and lots and lots of Cabbage Patch Kids? No. No, it is not. Therefore, comedian Mike O’Connell, who has amassed an adorable army of the pretend children that dominate his southern California home, is not a weird person. He is instead a person who thinks that to love something nice and sweet is a nice and sweet thing to do. Join Mike and drift off to a very cute sleep as he outlines his collection.

You might know Anna Sale as the host of Slate’s podcast Death, Sex, and Money, which digs deep into topics that a lot of people would rather avoid. If you attended Camp Alleghany in West Virginia, you might know Anna as one of the many campers, spending idyllic summer days and nights having wholesome fun in the great outdoors. At the request of our listener Beth, who wanted to hear Anna’s voice on our show, Anna fills us in on all the warm camaraderie as well as the good-natured fierce competition that factor so heavily into the summer camp experience. Host John Moe, who met his wife while working at a summer camp, even helps Anna recall one of her favorite camp songs.

You might know our guests, Mallory O’Meara and Brea Grant, from their podcast Reading Glasses, their new podcast Reading Smut (debuting on Valentine’s Day), or from their overloaded physical and digital bookshelves that groan to support all that literary knowledge. Brea and Mallory share with us, in tones dulcet and sleep-inducing, how to sort through all those books and how to employ a spreadsheet database to keep track of all you’ve read and what you thought about it.

We wanted to be ready for the Super Bowl so we called up NFL veteran punter Chris Kluwe for a lesson on all that goes into punting the ball to the other team. How much goes into punting? Turns out A LOT. Chris, who is a published author and game designer as well, guides us through each minute step of the punting process (and there are maybe, conservatively, a zillion steps) in enough detail to easily zonk you out to sleep. It’s NFL football but without any of the violence or thrills that might conspire you to keep you awake.

Comedian, podcaster, author, and all-around delightful celebrity Jamie Loftus is in the process of rediscovering her love of NeoPets. She values the lessons they taught her about the stock market, war preparation, and the complexities of a capital-driven economy. She also likes that the electronic pets are impossible to kill. It’s true, all you can do is completely, devastatingly bum them out. Listen to Jamie as she grapples with the liminal zones between pets, NeoPets, wake, and sleep. Then sleep.

You might know the actor Langston Kerman from his roles on the television shows English Teacher, Insecure, and The Boys. You might know him also from lengthy board game nights at his house where explaining and comprehending the arcane, byzantine rules of a game is a necessary labor of the occasion. Langston, fortunately, knows all the rules to games like Villainous and Scythe and will happily explain them to you in a calm and reassuring voice that will send you off to sleep without ever having to roll dice or draw a card. And that makes you a winner.

Jonathan Ames is the author of numerous acclaimed and popular books, including the brand new detective novel Karma Doll. He’s also a television creator, having come up with the series Bored to Death, wherein Jason Schwarzman played a detective named Jonathan Ames. When he’s not writing, Jonathan, the real Jonathan, not the character, enjoys a comfortable soak in the Russian bathhouses of New York and Los Angeles and, using his smooth and sonorous voice, is here to tell you about all that as well as the heat, the cold, and the importance of the towel as you drift off to sleep.

You might know comedian and actor Jon Gabrus from shows like Guy Code, What We Do in the Shadows, or Drunk History or from podcasts like Action Boyz or The Gino Lombardo Show. Perhaps you know him from meals like breakfast, where he has very particular thoughts on breakfast sandwiches. He’ll teach you how to order a proper New York bodega breakfast sandwich by asking for a BEC with SPK and he’ll explain what that means. You will sleep well tonight although you may be hungry in the morning.

Amy Tan, Alan Tudyk, Stephen Tobolowsky, Marsha Warfield, Open Mike Eagle, Janie Haddad and Paul F. Tompkins, and more are ready to knock you out. To sleep, that is. It’s very counterintuitive, appearing on Sleeping with Celebrities. Most shows ask the guest to be energetic, effervescent, and fascinating. We want none of that. We want detailed discussion of a topic that the guest knows a lot about but that the listener will not be captivated by, all for the purpose of putting said listener to sleep. In this star-studded 100th episode special, we recall some guests who truly understood the assignment.

Blaine Capatch is your favorite comedian’s favorite comedian, a top comedic mind known for his sharp writing and expert delivery. And as much as those comics are fans of his, he, Blaine, is a fan of family style restaurants. Oh man, he just loves them. Your IHOPs, your Cracker Barrels, and especially your Waffle Houses. He talks us through some of the top eateries around the country, why he loves them so dang much, and why Waffle House is leaving billions of dollars on the table by not opening a restaurant in Los Angeles.

Jenny Yang has a headlining spot in comedy clubs everywhere, a master’s degree in urban planning, and a penchant for piling her kitchen countertops high with a variety of devices and appliances. Egg cookers? She’ll tell you about that. Grapefruit spoons? Jenny has thoughts. Microplanes? Oh yeah, that’s covered. Hear about a million kitchen doohickeys and gizmos as you drift off to sleep, hopefully not in the kitchen.

Beloved comedian, writer, and podcaster Ophira Eisenberg has lived in many places, several of which were part of provinces. That’s because she’s from Canada, which is a little like America but with more healthcare, hockey, and moose. Ophira illuminates us on the correct pronunciations of many major Canadian cities and provides valuable insight into the parka-clad lives of the folks who call Canada home. Let her send you off to the sleep just as calmly as the call of the loon or with the sudden power of a puck to the head.

Before taking the stage as a very popular and acclaimed standup comic, Billy Wayne Davis was a squatting catcher. Billy Wayne played at a high level behind the plate in college baseball and can still describe the intricacies behind helping pitchers get to a calm and relaxed place. Perhaps you will find his voice does the same to you. Plus you have the advantage of not having to throw a baseball at all, which is a good thing you have going for you.

Novelist Amy Tan is well known as the best-selling universally acclaimed author of The Joy Luck Club, The Kitchen God’s Wife, The Bonesetter’s Daughter, and many more important works. In her backyard, among the hundreds of visiting birds, she is known as The Lady Who Builds Birdfeeders. Hear about the ongoing turmoil of Amy’s homemade feeders, the charming hummingbirds, the pesky squirrels and rude scrub jays, and the plight of her very small dog who tries to make sense of everything. Then settle into your nest for the night and fall gently asleep.

He’s also pretty enamored of George Carlin, Mel Brooks, Helen Hunt, and his new comedy special, Life, Death & Rice Pudding. The veteran actor and comedian is just as charming and funny as ever as he regales us with his philosophy on travel and, especially, packing for travel. Let him lull you to sleep with his wonderful stories and knowledge on how to pack underwear.

Andrew Ti is a big fan of poker and says the whole thing about everyone having a “tell” is a little overstated. To win at the game, even for the comparatively small amounts he favors, it is less about scrutinizing someone’s behavior than it is about memorizing probability charts enough to know what is most likely to happen in a given scenario. Andrew has a pleasant time playing poker and while he’s not getting rich off it, he’s not losing his shirt either. He still has a shirt. Pull up to his table and get ready for sleep.

We hope the search engines, constantly hunting for yet more Taylor Swift content to satisfy users, appreciate our optimization just as much as veteran comedian Matt Braunger appreciates the T-Swizzle albums Evermore and Folklore. Matt finds these releases, which are far less poppy and boppy than her other works, to be a perfect accompaniment for a long road trip or just being pensive and sensitive around the house. Listen to Matt extol their virtues as you drift off to sleep and shake the wakefulness off.

If you’ve ever been lucky enough to experience the Australian musical comedy group The Wiggles (perhaps you are in preschool or have hung out with someone who is), you know that they bring loads of high-spirited energy to every performance. Lachy Gillespie, the one in purple, shifts to a much, much lower gear for our conversation about his favorite hobby, tennis. You won’t break a sweat listening to this one. You’ll be lulled by the gentle serve and volley of the conversation, tinged with that lovely Down Under accent.