Heavyweight

In February, the Heavyweight team headed to Brooklyn for a live show at On Air Fest. There was a countdown of Jonathan’s most regrettable moments from the show, and an audience Q&A with producers Kalila and Stevie. And fortunately for you, we recorded it all.

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We're taking a break to bring you an episode of This Is Love, from the makers of Criminal and hosted by Phoebe Judge. Where Heavyweight explores past regrets, This Is Love looks at the expansiveness of all kinds of love — sometimes love between people, sometimes not. 

In June of 2016, Dion Leonard attempted one of the toughest races in the world — a 155-mile ultramarathon through the Gobi Desert in China. At the start of day two, he looked down and saw a little brown dog chewing on his shoes. Dion and the little dog were about to embark on an adventure that would change both of their lives.

Dion Leonard's book is Finding Gobi: The Amazing True Story. You can learn more about Dion and Gobi and what they're up to now at https://www.findinggobi.com/. 

You can find This Is Love wherever you get your podcasts. Learn more at http://thisislovepodcast.com/.

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Tamara and B were best friends and roommates at their Christian boarding school. Then, in 12th grade, a teacher declared B to be possessed by a demon and an exorcism was performed. B and Tamara stopped speaking soon after. Tamara’s worried about B ever since. 

If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, dial the US National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988. Those outside the US can find your local helpline at befrienders.org.

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When Songe was 8 years old, he made fun of a girl with a facial tic. Just months later, he developed tics of his own—the first signs of the Tourette Syndrome he still lives with today. It felt like cosmic punishment. Songe has wanted to apologize to the girl ever since.

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When Jenna was eight years old, she was taken from her mom and placed with a foster family called the Grizzles. For two and a half years, she built a life with them, and when they asked to adopt her, Jenna was thrilled. But then, abruptly, the Grizzles changed their minds. Three decades later, Jenna still wonders: What happened?

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Heavyweight returns on September 17.

Listen wherever you get your podcasts. Pushkin+ subscribers can get all episodes ad-free! Sign up on the Heavyweight Apple show page or at pushkin.fm/plus.

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James’s father’s dying wish was for his ashes to be spread on the 18th hole of a fancy private golf course. That was 16 years ago. In this episode, James, Jonathan, and their friend Howard attempt a golf heist to get into the club and set things right.

In today's update, Jonathan calls up James for one last interview. Just when James thinks he's out, we pull him back in!

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This episode was produced by Jonathan Goldstein, Wendy Dorr, Chris Neary, and Kalila Holt, with editing by Jorge Just and Alex Blumberg. Special thanks to Emily Condon, Stevie Lane, Derek Hurst, Stephen Hughes, and Jackie Cohen. The show was mixed by Haley Shaw. Music by Christine Fellows, Paul De Jong, Blue Dot Sessions, Benny Reid, Caspar Babypants, and Hew Time. Our theme song is by The Weakerthans courtesy of Epitaph Records. Mixing on this update by Sarah Bruguiere, with production by Lisa Wang.

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Jonathan and Kalila go toe-to-toe as guests on the children’s debate podcast, Smash Boom Best, where they debate the merits of phone calls vs. texting. We had a lot of fun doing it, and—if it’s not too bold to presume—we think you will have fun listening to it.

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In grade 8, Julia was bullied so badly by a group of girls that she changed schools without telling anyone. Soon after, the girls from her old school showed up at her house and rang her doorbell. She didn’t answer it. For the past 20 years, Julia’s been wondering what those girls wanted.

Ten years after the release of this episode, we check back in with Julia, to hear how her life changed in the aftermath of the episode.

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This episode was produced by Jonathan Goldstein, Chris Neary, and Kalila Holt, with senior production by Wendy Dorr. Editing by Alex Blumberg and Jorge Just. Special thanks to Emily Condon, Maya Goldberg-Safir, Lina Chambers, Emily Kennedy, Laura Scott, and Jackie Cohen. The show was mixed by Haley Shaw. Music for this episode by Christine Fellows, with additional music by Blue Dot Sessions and Keen Collective. Our theme song is by The Weakerthans courtesy of Epitaph Records, and our ad music is by Haley Shaw. Mixing on this update by Sarah Bruguiere, with production by Lisa Wang.

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Throughout high school, Brandon was a misfit. Then one day, out of the blue, one of the school’s prettiest, most popular girls asked him to prom. Fifteen years later, Brandon wants to know: why him?

Four years after the release of his episode, we check back in with Brandon to learn what's changed and get an update on his underwear situation.

You can sign up for our free newsletter at patreon.com/heavyweight

This episode was produced by Stevie Lane and Mohini Madgavkar. The senior producer is Kalila Holt. Special thanks to Emily Condon, Alex Blumberg, Sharon Mashihi, Mimi O’Donnell, Jessica Yung, and Jackie Cohen. The show was mixed by Bobby Lord. Music by Christine Fellows, John K Samson, Michael Hearst, the Jacobi Family Band, Podington Bear, and Bobby Lord. Our theme song is by The Weakerthans courtesy of Epitaph Records. Mixing on this update by Sarah Bruguiere, with production by Lisa Wang.

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Maia found a painting in the garbage and took it home. But as it turned out, it wasn’t just any painting.

In this update, Kalila learns that she might have been looking at the painting all wrong.

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This episode was hosted and produced by Kalila Holt, along with Jonathan Goldstein. Our supervising producer is Stevie Lane. Production help from Damiano Marchetti. Special thanks to Sam Reisman, Emily Condon, Alex Blumberg, Lydia Polgreen, Marcy Flynn, Karl McCool, Caitlin Kenney, and Kayla Lattimore. The show was mixed by Bobby Lord. Music by Christine Fellows, John K Samson, Blue Dot Sessions, Michael Hearst, Sun Shapes, and Bobby Lord. Our theme song is by The Weakerthans courtesy of Epitaph Records. Mixing on this update by Sarah Bruguiere.

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When Christina was in 11th grade, her foster mother made her quit playing basketball. After that, she felt like her life never got back on course. And so, she’s always wanted to ask her foster mother: why’d you make me quit?

Now, 9 years after the episode originally aired, we check back in with Christina, and she tells us about seeing her foster mother one last time.

You can sign up for our free newsletter at patreon.com/heavyweight

This episode was produced by Jonathan Goldstein and Kalila Holt, with editing by Jorge Just, Alex Blumberg, and Wendy Dorr. The senior producer is Kaitlin Roberts. Special thanks to Emily Condon, Stevie Lane, and Jackie Cohen. The show was mixed by Kate Bilinski. Music by Christine Fellows, John K Samson, and Edwin, with additional music by Blue Dot Sessions and Hew Time. Our theme song is by The Weakerthans courtesy of Epitaph Records. Mixing on this update by Sarah Bruguiere.

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When Skye was in middle school, her best friends showed up at her home one night and wrote “f*ck you” on her garage door. After that, they never spoke again. Decades later, at the urging of her eleven-year-old son, Clark, Skye sets off to finally ask them why.

In this update, Skye tells us how that confrontation has shaped her and Clark in the years since.

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This episode was produced by Jonathan Goldstein, Kalila Holt, Peter Bresnan, and Stevie Lane, with editing by Jorge Just and Alex Blumberg. Special thanks to Emily Condon, Devon Taylor, Annika Pillsbury, and Jackie Cohen. The show was mixed by Bobby Lord. Music by Christine Fellows, John K Samson, Bobby Lord, Edwin, Blue Dot Sessions, Michael Hearst, and Hew Time. Our theme song is by The Weakerthans courtesy of Epitaph Records. Mixing on this update by Sarah Bruguiere.

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This week, Jonathan joins the ranks of A-list celebrities as a guest on NPR's Wild Card with Rachel Martin. Death, ghosts, the pleasures and perils of talking to strangers... Rachel and Jonathan talk about it all.

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When Elyse was 21, her father, Billy, disappeared without explanation. When Elyse finally learned of his whereabouts, she was shocked by the new life he was living.

Seven years after the release of this episode, we check back in with Elyse, and she tells us all about what's happened with her dad in the time since.

You can sign up for our free newsletter at patreon.com/heavyweight

This episode was produced by Jonathan Goldstein, B.A. Parker, Kalila Holt, and Stevie Lane, with editing by Jorge Just and Alex Blumberg. Special thanks to Emily Condon, Kaitlin Roberts, Alex Goldman, Caitlin Kenney, and Jackie Cohen. The show was mixed by Bobby Lord. Music by Christine Fellows, John K Samson, Blue Dot Sessions, Michael Hearst, Shanghai Restoration Project, and Bobby Lord. Our theme song is by The Weakerthans courtesy of Epitaph Records. Mixing on this update by Sarah Bruguiere.

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Today, we speak with Jonathan's longtime friend Tony. A lot's changed in his life since the episode came out ten years ago. 

Tony messed up his relationship with each of his three godchildren owing to three difficult chapters in his life. Now, childless and single in his late 40’s, and fearing he may never have kids of his own, Tony wants to win them back.

You can sign up for our free newsletter at patreon.com/heavyweight

This episode was produced by Jonathan Goldstein, Wendy Dorr, Chris Neary, and Kalila Holt, with editing by Jorge Just and Alex Blumberg. Special thanks to Emily Condon, Anna Asimakopulos, and Jackie Cohen. The show was mixed by Haley Shaw. Music by Christine Fellows, John K Samson, Blue Dot Sessions, Michael Smith, Wonderly, and Hew Time. Our theme song is by The Weakerthans courtesy of Epitaph Records. Mixing on this update by Sarah Bruguiere.

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What to expect from Heavyweight this year.

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In part one, Jonathan and his wife, Emily, check in. In part two, the story of a family forced into hiding after an ICE shooting.

Places to donate:

Yamelis's GoFundMe

Immigrant Law Center of Minnesota

Immigrant Defense Network

MN50501 Mutual Aid

Additional thanks to Joe Midthun.

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The Heavyweight team is hard at work on some episode updates for later this spring, as well as a brand new season, which will be coming this fall. But in the meantime, we wanted to “wet your whistles,” so to speak, with another show that we respect and enjoy. It’s called (00:04:30) Death, Sex & Money.

In this episode, host Anna Sale talks to listeners about their appearance choices: Asher, who spent $43,000 on plastic surgery and openly celebrates his investments; Caroline, who used fillers and Botox after her divorce but recently filed for bankruptcy and can no longer afford treatments; Alexandra, who stopped dyeing her gray hair at 38 despite pushback from family; and Nick, whose multiple cosmetic surgeries nearly ended his marriage and forced him to confront deeper issues.

Find more episodes of Death, Sex & Money wherever you get podcasts.

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At 101 years old, Deborah discovered a box she'd stashed away a lifetime ago. What was inside reignited an old love and turned her life upside down.

Get ad-free episodes of Heavyweight by subscribing to Pushkin+ on Apple Podcasts or Pushkin.fm. You'll also get an exclusive bonus episode where Jonathan, Stevie, and Kalila remember how the beloved Jackie calls came to be and share a never-before-aired opening that could have started the show in an alternate Heavyweight universe. Thanks for your support—and be sure to check out the other offerings available to Pushkin+ subscribers, including ad-free episodes, full audiobooks, and exclusive binges of other podcasts throughout the year.

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Meredith unknowingly ate a bag of her teenage son’s weed gummies. She wants him to apologize. He wants her to apologize. At a stand-off, they call Jonathan for help.

Get ad-free episodes of Heavyweight by subscribing to Pushkin+ on Apple Podcasts or Pushkin.fm. You'll also get an exclusive bonus episode where Jonathan, Stevie, and Kalila remember how the beloved Jackie calls came to be and share a never-before-aired opening that could have started the show in an alternate Heavyweight universe. Thanks for your support—and be sure to check out the other offerings available to Pushkin+ subscribers, including ad-free episodes, full audiobooks, and exclusive binges of other podcasts throughout the year.

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Kevin's childhood was a hard one. But it was made bearable by his neighborhood friends, Jason and Gerald. Then, one afternoon, the boys just vanished. Over thirty years later, Kevin still hasn't forgotten them.

Get ad-free episodes of Heavyweight by subscribing to Pushkin+ on Apple Podcasts or Pushkin.fm. You'll also get an exclusive bonus episode where Jonathan, Stevie, and Kalila remember how the beloved Jackie calls came to be and share a never-before-aired opening that could have started the show in an alternate Heavyweight universe. Thanks for your support—and be sure to check out the other offerings available to Pushkin+ subscribers, including ad-free episodes, full audiobooks, and exclusive binges of other podcasts throughout the year.

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In October, the Heavyweight team gathered in New York City for a live event at Caveat on the Lower East Side. There was a reading, a Q&A, and a Meet & Greet. And because we are a podcast, we recorded it all.

Get ad-free episodes of Heavyweight by subscribing to Pushkin+ on Apple Podcasts or Pushkin.fm. You'll also get an exclusive bonus episode where Jonathan, Stevie, and Kalila remember how the beloved Jackie calls came to be and share a never-before-aired opening that could have started the show in an alternate Heavyweight universe. Thanks for your support—and be sure to check out the other offerings available to Pushkin+ subscribers, including ad-free episodes, full audiobooks, and exclusive binges of other podcasts throughout the year.

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Jasmin grew up as one of the few Black girls in a mostly white town. Senior year, she was voted Homecoming Queen and she finally felt accepted. But then, at the dance, they announced someone else's name. Jasmin has always wondered… What happened?

Get ad-free episodes of Heavyweight by subscribing to Pushkin+ on Apple Podcasts or Pushkin.fm. You'll also get an exclusive bonus episode where Jonathan, Stevie, and Kalila remember how the beloved Jackie calls came to be and share a never-before-aired opening that could have started the show in an alternate Heavyweight universe. Thanks for your support—and be sure to check out the other offerings available to Pushkin+ subscribers, including ad-free episodes, full audiobooks, and exclusive binges of other podcasts throughout the year.

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Today, Jonathan joins his fellow Pushkin hosts for a special episode all about mistakes.

Jonathan speaks with his friend, the writer Sheila Heti. Together, they muse on the cost of mistakes and whether we're really in control of how many we make. Plus, Nate Silver and Maria Konnikova from the podcast Risky Business give a gambler's take on the strange science of regret. And Tim Harford of Cautionary Tales tells the gripping story of a plane that ran out of fuel mid-flight.

Cautionary Tales and Risky Business are available wherever you get your podcasts.

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On her flight to emigrate from Italy in 1959, Anita was tasked with babysitting a two-year-old boy being brought to the US for adoption. During the flight, Anita fell in love with the child, and for the rest of her life, she wondered what became of him.

Get ad-free episodes of Heavyweight by subscribing to Pushkin+ on Apple Podcasts or Pushkin.fm. You'll also get an exclusive bonus episode where Jonathan, Stevie, and Kalila remember how the beloved Jackie calls came to be and share a never-before-aired opening that could have started the show in an alternate Heavyweight universe. Thanks for your support—and be sure to check out the other offerings available to Pushkin+ subscribers, including ad-free episodes, full audiobooks, and exclusive binges of other podcasts throughout the year.

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He had just turned 14 when he sawed off his father’s shotgun, skipped school, and robbed a bank for $40,000. Now, 33 years later, he wants to apologize to the people he harmed that day.

Get ad-free episodes of Heavyweight by subscribing to Pushkin+ on Apple Podcasts or Pushkin.fm. You'll also get an exclusive bonus episode where Jonathan, Stevie, and Kalila remember how the beloved Jackie calls came to be and share a never-before-aired opening that could have started the show in an alternate Heavyweight universe. Thanks for your support—and be sure to check out the other offerings available to Pushkin+ subscribers, including ad-free episodes, full audiobooks, and exclusive binges of other podcasts throughout the year.

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As a senior in high school, Michael got a huge opportunity: the chance to star in a big-budget movie. Shooting wrapped; a premier date was set. And then he found out that his lucky break was all based on a lie.

Get ad-free episodes of Heavyweight by subscribing to Pushkin+ on Apple Podcasts or Pushkin.fm. You'll also get an exclusive bonus episode where Jonathan, Stevie, and Kalila remember how the beloved Jackie calls came to be and share a never-before-aired opening that could have started the show in an alternate Heavyweight universe. Thanks for your support—and be sure to check out the other offerings available to Pushkin+ subscribers, including ad-free episodes, full audiobooks, and exclusive binges of other podcasts throughout the year.

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Gregor's parents are pushing 90. Gregor wants to move them out of their big Victorian home. But they refuse. So, he's come up with a bold plan.

You can find Etta’s work on Instagram @ettabehrlich

Get ad-free episodes of Heavyweight by subscribing to Pushkin+ on Apple Podcasts or Pushkin.fm. You'll also get an exclusive bonus episode where Jonathan, Stevie, and Kalila remember how the beloved Jackie calls came to be and share a never-before-aired opening that could have started the show in an alternate Heavyweight universe. Thanks for your support—and be sure to check out the other offerings available to Pushkin+ subscribers, including ad-free episodes, full audiobooks, and exclusive binges of other podcasts throughout the year.

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A look at what’s to come this season. Heavyweight returns on September 18. Listen wherever you get your podcasts.

Pushkin+ subscribers can get all episodes ad-free! Sign up on the Heavyweight Apple show page or at pushkin.fm/plus

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It’s the last Heavyweight encore before our new season begins on September 18th! This week, we talk to Jonathan's mom about life in the years since her appearance in #15: Dina. During a visit back home, Jonathan’s mother Dina inadvertently admits something that forces him to question his past — and turn the mic on himself.

Credits

This episode was produced by Jonathan Goldstein, Kalila Holt, and Kaitlin Roberts. Editing by Jorge Just, Alex Blumberg, and Wendy Dorr. Special thanks to Emily Condon, Emanuele Berry, Pat Walters, and Jackie Cohen. The show was mixed by Kate Bilinski. Music by Christine Fellows and John K Samson, with additional music by Y La Bamba, Caspar Babypants, Michael Charles Smith, and Blue Dot Sessions. Our theme song is by The Weakerthans courtesy of Epitaph Records.

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For our penultimate Heavyweight encore, we’re joined by Pen15 co-creator Anna Konkle to revisit last season’s junior high drama — #53: Leif.

On Valentine’s Day in junior high, Leif was supposed to ask Kalila out. But he never did. Leif’s lack of action that day impacted Kalila’s life to come. And so seventeen years later, she wants to know: what happened.

For more, head over to Pushkin+, where you can subscribe to hear an extended cut of Kalila’s conversation with Anna.

Credits

This episode was hosted and produced by senior producer Kalila Holt, along with Jonathan Goldstein and Phoebe Flanigan. The supervising producer is Stevie Lane. Production assistance from Mohini Madgavkar. Editorial guidance from Emily Condon. Special thanks to Max Green, Flora Lichtman, and Connor Sampson. In the IM recreation, Karina was played by Reagan Didier, and Leif was played by John Claassen — thanks to Greg Holt and Tony John for making that possible. The show was mixed by Bobby Lord. Music by Christine Fellows, John K Samson, Blue Dot Sessions, Katie Mullins, Florian Le Prisé, and Bobby Lord. Our theme song is by The Weakerthans courtesy of Epitaph Records.

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This week, we check back in with Joey to answer everyone’s burning question: does he still have a mullet?

Years ago, Joey had a very bad day — all due to awkward misunderstandings. Jonathan and Gregor get involved to help him set things right.

Credits

This episode was produced by Jonathan Goldstein, Kalila Holt, Peter Bresnan, and Stevie Lane, with editing by Jorge Just and Alex Blumberg. Special thanks to Emily Condon, Flora Lichtman, PJ Vogt, Saidu Tejan-Thomas, Grace Hawkins, and Jackie Cohen. The show was mixed by Bobby Lord. Music by Christine Fellows, John K Samson, Blue Dot Sessions, Bobby Lord, and Y La Bamba. Our theme song is by The Weakerthans courtesy of Epitaph Records.

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This week, we talk to Steve Marsh from our episode, The Marshes. The family has changed in ways they could never have guessed at when the story was first published in 2019.

After a drunken slip of the tongue, Steve and his siblings discovered a secret their mother had been keeping for almost 40 years. Steve decides to step in and help his mom take action.

This episode was produced by Jonathan Goldstein, Kalila Holt, BA Parker and Stevie Lane, with editing by Jorge Just. Special thanks to Emily Condon, Lulu Miller, Hans Buetow, Damiano Marchetti, Alex Blumberg, and Jackie Cohen. The show was mixed by Bobby Lord. Music by Christine Fellows, John K Samson, Blue Dot Sessions, and Bobby Lord. Our theme song is by The Weakerthans courtesy of Epitaph Records.

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This week, we’re calling up one of our fan-favorite guests from season two: Rose.

Almost twenty years ago, Rose was kicked out of her college sorority. “You know what you did,” was the only explanation she was ever given. All these years later, Rose still wants to know what it is she did.

Credits

This episode was produced by Jonathan Goldstein, Kalila Holt, and Kaitlin Roberts, with editing by Jorge Just, Alex Blumberg, and Wendy Dorr. Special thanks to Emily Condon, Stevie Lane, Misha Glouberman, and Jackie Cohen. The show was mixed by Kate Bilinski. Music by Christine Fellows and John K Samson, with additional music by Blue Dot Sessions, Michael Charles Smith, Hew Time, and Keen Collective. Our theme song is by The Weakerthans courtesy of Epitaph Records.

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This week, we check back in with Scott to find out what turns his life has taken since the original episode aired in 2019.

When Scott was a heroin addict, he crossed a line he thought he would never cross. And he’s been trying to uncross it ever since.

Credits

This episode was produced by Jonathan Goldstein, Stevie Lane, Kalila Holt, and BA Parker, with editing by Jorge Just. Special thanks to Emily Condon, Alex Blumberg, Nathan Foster, Jacob Eppler, and Jackie Cohen. This episode was mixed by Bobby Lord. Music by Christine Fellows, John K Samson, Blue Dot Sessions, Michael Hearst, Michael Charles Smith, Podington Bear, Shadowlands, Stratus, Haley Shaw, and Bobby Lord. Our theme song is by The Weakerthans courtesy of Epitaph Records.

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This week, we catch up with Jonathan's dad about the years since his appearance in our first ever episode — #1 Buzz. Buzz and Sheldon are brothers in their eighties who’ve been estranged for decades. Buzz visits Sheldon to see if there’s still a relationship left to salvage.

Credits

This episode was produced by Jonathan Goldstein, Wendy Dorr, Chris Neary, and Kalila Holt, with editing by Alex Blumberg and Peter Clowney. Special thanks to Caitlin Kenney, Starlee Kine, and Rachel Ward. The episode was mixed by Haley Shaw. Music by Christine Fellows and Haley Shaw. Our theme music is by The Weakerthans courtesy of Epitaph Records.

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While the new season is under construction, we’re revisiting some of our favorite episodes and calling up former guests to see what’s happened since. This week: #2 Gregor. 20 years ago, Gregor lent some CDs to a musician friend. The CDs helped make him a famous rockstar. Now, Gregor would like some recognition. But mostly, he wants his CDs back.

Credits

This episode was produced by Jonathan Goldstein, Wendy Dorr, Chris Neary, and Kalila Holt, with editing by Alex Blumberg and Peter Clowney. Special thanks to Emily Condon, Paul Tough, Stevie Lane, Michelle Harris, Dimitri Ehrlich, Sean Cole, Jorge Just, and Jackie Cohen. This episode was mixed by Haley Shaw. Music by Christine Fellows, Tockstar, the Eastern Watershed Klezmer Quartet, and Haley Shaw. Our theme music is by The Weakerthans courtesy of Epitaph Records.

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For the better part of his adult life, drinking was Jonathan’s great comfort. But after getting laid off, something changed.

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In her year off, Stevie had a lot of time to wait on hold. And Kalila took a hard look at not wanting to be looked at.

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What we’ve been up to, and what’s in store through the coming weeks.

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The Heavyweight team officially has a new home at Pushkin Industries. Tell your friends, your exes… tell the strangers on the subway! And be sure to subscribe now to hear about new episodes.

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A small hello from the Heavyweight team

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