How To! with Charles Duhigg

Owen is about to graduate from high school and has no idea what he wants to do next. Owen doesn’t seem worried, but his mom, Lisa, is freaking out. In this episode of How To!, we get help from Julie Lythcott-Haims, former Stanford dean and author of How to Raise an Adult. Julie regrets dragging her own son off to college before he was ready. Pushing your child into adulthood, she says, means asking the right questions—and then getting out of the way.

Kyle wants to sell his 50-year old family insurance business so he can finally retire. But a troublesome employee is holding him back: his daughter. In this episode of How To!, Harvard Business School professor Christina Wing tries to help Kyle figure out how to sell his company without sabotaging their relationship. But if you have to fire your daughter, is it ever strictly business?

Thirteen-year-old Henry seems like a model son. He gets good grades, plays on the hockey team, and has a solid group of friends. But Henry’s been spending a lot more time on the internet, and recently brought up something that troubled his parents—that a woman could ruin a man’s career by accusing him of sexual harassment. Now his parents wonder what other forms of toxic masculinity Henry is learning online and in the locker room. In this episode of How To!, we bring on Peggy Orenstein, author of Boys & Sex, to share what she’s learned about how to raise a boy into a modern man. When it comes to sex and consent, Peggy says, this shouldn’t be one single talk. Instead, over the course of many conversations, help your kids understand that most media—and especially porn—does not portray sex realistically. Try to talk about intimacy in a positive way, rather than just warning your son what to avoid or how things can go wrong.

Emilia can’t stop thinking about a long-ago love affair with Ivan, a man she met in Mexico in her early 20s and dated for several years. Now, a decade later, Emilia is newly married, but thoughts of her time with Ivan pop into her mind daily, a fact she’s never shared with her husband. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Ethan Kross, a psychology professor at the University of Michigan and the author of Chatter: The Voice In Our Head, Why It Matters, and How To Harness It. Whether thinking about a past experience or worrying about the present, we all get stuck in negative cycles of thought, and Ethan has the tools to help us form a better relationship with our thoughts.

Lauren and Carlos are afraid their marriage is at a breaking point. With Carlos out of work, an active toddler to care for, and another child on the way, Lauren and Carlos are feeling pressures familiar to many newlyweds—and the pandemic has only made it worse. Can we help this couple find their way back to each other? On this episode of How To!, we bring on John and Julie Gottman, who are not only co-founders of The Gottman Institute and co-authors of Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love, but also have been married to each other for more than three decades. They help Lauren and Carlos begin to heal their relationship with tips that can apply to all couples. For starters, you are not your partner’s therapist, Julie says. Looking for patterns in their behavior will only drive you further away from understanding each other.

Is there a right way to let kids struggle and fail? How do you raise resilient children? And most important, when should you help out, and when should you chill out? We ask Wendy Mogel, author of The Blessing of a Skinned Knee to advise a Portland, Oregon, couple who worry about their son becoming upset when he gets wet in a squirt-gun fight.

Sophie Power once breastfed her newborn during an ultramarathon, but an upcoming 268-mile race across a remote stretch of Great Britain is freaking her out. We turn to Wim Hof, aka "The Iceman," for advice. Because when you are worried about pain, you should definitely consult a Dutch extreme athlete who sits in freezing water for fun. (Really!) This is a great episode for anyone who is scared up taking up a running habit, or any other exercise (or who just loves hearing about how to withstand pain). Enjoy!

Matt has anxiety attacks. Every day. When he gets too many texts, when he starts worrying about his family, when the unexpected occurs—that’s when the sweat starts and his mind begins racing. He’s a strong guy—he was a cop—but he thinks today’s problem is connected to a tragic event in the past, and he doesn’t know what to do. We introduce him to Ben Michaelis, a clinical psychologist and habit expert, to help Matt figure out what’s triggering his anxiety attacks and how he can get back control over his head—and his life.

Ben, also know as "Sleepless in San Francisco" hasn't been able to get a good night's rest for over a decade. He's tried noise machines, medication, vodka, even eating cheese -- but nothing has worked. In this episode of How To!, we bring in Andy Puddicombe, a former Buddhist monk and co-founder of the meditation app Headspace, to help Ben hit the hay. Plus, some new information from the frontiers of sleep from your host, Charles Duhigg! Learn more about Sleep at Charles Duhigg's newsletter, The Science of Better! You can find it here: https://charlesduhigg.substack.com/p/the-science-of-sleep-how-to-slay Do you have a burning question or a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at charles@charlesduhigg.com.

Comedian and Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! panelist Paula Poundstone splits her time among a grueling tour schedule and a chaotic home life, but she wants to find the focus necessary to manage her household staff and stop letting her deep aversion to conflict ruin her business. Enter Nedra Glover Tawwab, relationship expert and author of Set Boundaries, Find Peace, who advocates for establishing extreme clarity and asserting direct workplace rules rather than falling into the trap of passive-aggressive avoidance. She introduces Paula to an evaluation rubric for vetting potential employees, advising her to utilize trial workdays and custom hiring assessmentsShe exposes the traps of management neglect that trick empathetic bosses into prioritizing an applicant's personal hardships over their actual ability to complete high-stakes tasks. Executive Producer Corey Wara Edited by Geoff Craig Booking by Ben Astaire Do you have a burning question or a problem you need help with? Email us at howto@mikepesca.com and we will consider your topic for the show. For full Pesca content and updates, check out our website at https://www.mikepesca.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To receive ad-free content, become a Pesca Plus subscriber at ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://subscribe.mikepesca.com/ For Mike's daily takes on Substack, subscribe to The Gist List https://mikepesca.substack.com/ Follow us on Social Media:⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram https://www.instagram.com/pescagist/ X https://x.com/pescami YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@pescagist⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@pescagist To advertise on the show, contact ⁠⁠⁠⁠ad-sales@libsyn.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://advertising.libsyn.com/howto

Originally Aired on Oct 12, 2021 On this episode of How To!, the second in a two part-series, Dan Christensen, a bus driver in Portland, Oregon, and Matt Smith, a crisis intervention trainer and the co-founder of Aegis Training Solutions, are back to teach you what to do when a fight is already underway. Dan talks about his experience with the 2017 Portland train attack that left two people dead. How do you stay safe? What is your responsibility to those around you? In short, how can you be a better bystander? If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Have a Fight That Actually Helps Your Relationship." Do you have a question with no easy answers? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. Podcast production by Derek John and Rosemary Belson.

Ofra splits her time among a number of hobbies in her retirement, but she wants to stop feeling rudderless and find the focus necessary to write a book of observational humor based on her twenty-year career as a psychotherapist. Enter David Epstein, workplace researcher and author of Inside the Box, who advocates for creating artificial structure and imposing concrete deadlines rather than falling into the trap of endless optionality. He introduces Ofra to an evaluation rubric for vetting creative output, advising her to write a mock press release before starting her project to define her audience and clarify the exact parenting misconceptions she wants to target. He exposes the traps of subtraction neglect that trick retirees into adding too many low-stakes activities to their daily routines. Executive Producer Corey Wara Edited by Geoff Craig Booking by Ben Astaire Do you have a burning question or a problem you need help with? Email us at howto@mikepesca.com and we will consider your topic for the show. For full Pesca content and updates, check out our website at https://www.mikepesca.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To receive ad-free content, become a Pesca Plus subscriber at ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://subscribe.mikepesca.com/ For Mike's daily takes on Substack, subscribe to The Gist List https://mikepesca.substack.com/ Follow us on Social Media:⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram https://www.instagram.com/pescagist/ X https://x.com/pescami YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@pescagist⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@pescagist To advertise on the show, contact ⁠⁠⁠⁠ad-sales@libsyn.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://advertising.libsyn.com/howto

India splits her time between contract production and agency work, but she wants to stop prioritizing other people's projects to scale her personal brand. Enter Simone Stolzoff, workplace researcher and author of The Good Enough Job, who advocates for building a multi-pronged freelance career rather than recklessly burning your ships. He introduces India to an evaluation rubric for vetting new business, advising her to decline any corporate opportunity that does not offer either a premium payout or a clear brand-building advantage. He exposes the traps of vocational awe that trick creatives into accepting less than they deserve, warns her about the exhausting grind of narrow algorithmic niches, and hands her a data-driven framework to prototype and prune her various income streams as her professional goals evolve. Executive Producer Corey Wara Edited by Geoff Craig Booking by Ben Astaire Do you have a burning question or a problem you need help with? Email us at howto@mikepesca.com and we will consider your topic for the show. For full Pesca content and updates, check out our website at https://www.mikepesca.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To receive ad-free content, become a Pesca Plus subscriber at ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://subscribe.mikepesca.com/ For Mike's daily takes on Substack, subscribe to The Gist List https://mikepesca.substack.com/ Follow us on Social Media:⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram https://www.instagram.com/pescagist/ X https://x.com/pescami YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@pescagist⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@pescagist To advertise on the show, contact ⁠⁠⁠⁠ad-sales@libsyn.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://advertising.libsyn.com/howto

Steven racks up acquaintances on group mountain bike rides, but he cannot turn a casual trailhead hello into a real friendship. For decades he coasted on the built-in connections of  being in a band, working in a lab, and having a wife who did the social legwork. But now he needs to make some new friends. Enter Dr. Marisa G. Franco, University of Maryland professor and New York Times bestselling author, who studies adult connection for a living. She walks Steven through the "liking gap," the trap where you assume people like you less than they actually do. She exposes the covert avoidance that keeps him safe and alone. And she hands him a "repotting" strategy for converting trail buddies into a genuine community. Executive Producer Corey Wara Edited by Geoff Craig Booking by Ben Astaire Do you have a burning question or a problem you need help with? Email us at howto@mikepesca.com and we will consider your topic for the show. For full Pesca content and updates, check out our website at https://www.mikepesca.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To receive ad-free content, become a Pesca Plus subscriber at ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://subscribe.mikepesca.com/ For Mike's daily takes on Substack, subscribe to The Gist List https://mikepesca.substack.com/ Follow us on Social Media:⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram https://www.instagram.com/pescagist/ X https://x.com/pescami YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@pescagist⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@pescagist To advertise on the show, contact ⁠⁠⁠⁠ad-sales@libsyn.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://advertising.libsyn.com/howto

This week we're sharing a special episode from our friends at Mentally Stronger with Therapist Amy Morin — the Webby Award–winning podcast hosted by psychotherapist and mental strength trainer Amy Morin, whose TEDx talk has been viewed more than 25 million times and whose books have sold over a million copies in more than fifty languages. Every week, Amy shares a practical, research-backed mental strength strategy you can use right away. Think of it as a therapy session you don't have to book: all of the strategy, none of the small talk. Today we're sharing her episode on outsmarting your inner critic. Amy introduces the anxious voice in her own head that tries to keep her from taking risks, and walks through a simple three-step play — backed by research on self-distancing — for taking that voice's power away so it stops running your life. This play is one of the fifty tools in her brand-new book, The Mental Strength Playbook. For more strategies like this, follow Mentally Stronger on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. And tell her Mike sent you.

There's one thing that all of Helena's personal projects have in common: they remain unfinished. The family photo album is empty, as is her mom's recipe book. And the lavender garden is still unplanted. Helena is not lazy. In fact, she's a busy lawyer who has no problem finishing tasks at the office. But she's also a busy mother raising a family, and free time is hard to come by. So how can Helena banish her distractions? On this episode of How To!, the first in a two-part series on time management, we talk to Nir Eyal, author of Indistractable: How To Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life. Nir used to be just as distracted as Helena, but then he figured out some tricks to break free from his stray thoughts. He explains why procrastination isn't a sign of laziness, it's a sign of discomfort. And why it's more important to address your feelings than silence your push notifications.  If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Stop Procrastinating" and make sure to tune in next week to learn how to set the perfect deadline.

Today on How To!, Ross, a TV director who enjoys a drink but feels intimidated by the pretension of the wine world, levels up his wine knowledge. Mike brings on journalist and The Corrupt Wine Writer Substack author Joel Stein to cut through the snobbery, explain why you shouldn't be afraid to ask for help at a wine shop, and offer practical tips on how to order confidently at restaurants without overspending. They discuss why "drinking what you like" is only half the battle and how to navigate restaurant markups. Plus, is wine knowledge actually a gateway to sophistication, or just another way to get stuck in the status-seeking trap? Executive Producer Corey Wara Edited by Geoff Craig Booking by Ben Astaire Do you have a burning question or a problem you need help with? Email us at howto@mikepesca.com and we will consider your topic for the show. For full Pesca content and updates, check out our website at https://www.mikepesca.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To receive ad-free content, become a Pesca Plus subscriber at ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://subscribe.mikepesca.com/ For Mike's daily takes on Substack, subscribe to The Gist List https://mikepesca.substack.com/ Follow us on Social Media:⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram https://www.instagram.com/pescagist/ X https://x.com/pescami YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@pescagist⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@pescagist To advertise on the show, contact ⁠⁠⁠⁠ad-sales@libsyn.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://advertising.libsyn.com/howto

Guitarist and orchestrator Dillon Kondor knows his way around a stage. It's everything in between the songs that trips him up. Speaking to a crowd, filling the silence, not coming off stiff or defensive, that's where his confidence disappears. After too many gigs derailed by awkward pauses and self-protective sarcasm, Dylan reaches out to Mike for help. On this episode of How To!, Mike brings in the perfect guide: singer-songwriter Sharon Van Etten, who knows firsthand what it's like to freeze in front of an audience. Sharon opens up about her own early battles with social anxiety and makes the case that great stage presence has nothing to do with rehearsed jokes or arena-ready charisma. She walks Dylan through how to think about a crowd, not as people to impress, but as friends you're about to grab a drink with, and shares practical strategies for pacing a set list, turning nervous energy into something the audience can feel good about, and letting go of the armor that self-deprecation can become. Then fast-forward to 2026 to check back in with Dylan and find out how those lessons on connection and worthiness actually changed his relationship with performing. Executive Producer Corey Wara Edited by Geoff Craig Booking by Ben Astaire Do you have a burning question or a problem you need help with? Email us at howto@mikepesca.com and we will consider your topic for the show. For full Pesca content and updates, check out our website at https://www.mikepesca.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To receive ad-free content, become a Pesca Plus subscriber at ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://subscribe.mikepesca.com/ For Mike's daily takes on Substack, subscribe to The Gist List https://mikepesca.substack.com/ Follow us on Social Media:⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram https://www.instagram.com/pescagist/ X https://x.com/pescami YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@pescagist⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@pescagist To advertise on the show, contact ⁠⁠⁠⁠ad-sales@libsyn.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://advertising.libsyn.com/howto

Brian stepped up to coach his 7-year-old daughter's soccer team to save their season, but there's one major catch: he's never actually played the sport. Now battling imposter syndrome and the pressure of intense parental expectations, he feels completely overwhelmed. On this episode of How To!, we bring on former Major League Soccer goalkeeper Jeff Attinella to demystify the art of youth coaching. They discuss the growing problem of early sports specialization and why keeping kids moving is far more important than mastering complex rules. Jeff walks Brian through a foolproof 45-minute practice structure, explains why faking your confidence is essential on the sidelines, and shares a genius "Simon Says" hack for regaining the attention of easily distracted seven-year-olds. Executive Producer Corey Wara Edited by Geoff Craig Booking by Ben Astaire Do you have a burning question or a problem you need help with? Email us at howto@mikepesca.com and we will consider your topic for the show. For full Pesca content and updates, check out our website at https://www.mikepesca.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To receive ad-free content, become a Pesca Plus subscriber at ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://subscribe.mikepesca.com/ For Mike's daily takes on Substack, subscribe to The Gist List https://mikepesca.substack.com/ Follow us on Social Media:⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram https://www.instagram.com/pescagist/ X https://x.com/pescami YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@pescagist⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@pescagist To advertise on the show, contact ⁠⁠⁠⁠ad-sales@libsyn.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://advertising.libsyn.com/howto

Al has over a million American Express points and dreams of booking another once-in-a-lifetime luxury vacation for his family. But the opaque, frustrating system of transferring and redeeming rewards has him completely paralyzed. On this episode of How To!, Mike brings on Elliot Rosenberg, founder of the luxury points concierge Stratys, to demystify the credit card game. They discuss how airlines secretly devalue their miles and why hoarding points is a massive financial mistake. Elliott walks Al through the "earn and burn" philosophy, explains why you shouldn't put everyday spending on premium cards, and shares a simple hack for turning Amex points into five-night stays at elite hotels. Stratys - http://stratystravel.com/  Executive Producer Corey Wara Edited by Geoff Craig Booking by Ben Astaire Do you have a burning question or a problem you need help with? Email us at howto@mikepesca.com and we will consider your topic for the show. For full Pesca content and updates, check out our website at https://www.mikepesca.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To receive ad-free content, become a Pesca Plus subscriber at ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://subscribe.mikepesca.com/ For Mike's daily takes on Substack, subscribe to The Gist List https://mikepesca.substack.com/ Follow us on Social Media:⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram https://www.instagram.com/pescagist/ X https://x.com/pescami YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@pescagist⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@pescagist To advertise on the show, contact ⁠⁠⁠⁠ad-sales@libsyn.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://advertising.libsyn.com/howto

When Betsy joined her last workplace, she thought it was a perfect fit. It was on a list of Best Places to Work and she got to be creative while helping people. But as the startup rapidly grew, the company culture changed and Betsy started to lose herself amid the stress. Then she got laid off. Honestly, Betsy was relieved, but now she's gotta figure out what's next. On this episode of How To!, we bring on James Altucher, author, podcaster, and all-around interesting person. He's both created successful companies and failed a number of times. He has some funny, frank advice for taking the sting out of rejection, reviving your passions, and making sure your next move is right for you.  If you liked this episode, check out "How To Advance Your Career by Quitting Your Job."  Do you have a burning question or a problem you need help with? Email us at howto@mikepesca.com and we will consider your topic for the show. For full Pesca content and updates, check out our website at https://www.mikepesca.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To receive ad-free content, become a Pesca Plus subscriber at ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://subscribe.mikepesca.com/ For Mike's daily takes on Substack, subscribe to The Gist List https://mikepesca.substack.com/ Follow us on Social Media:⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram https://www.instagram.com/pescagist/ X https://x.com/pescami YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@pescagist⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@pescagist To advertise on the show, contact ⁠⁠⁠⁠ad-sales@libsyn.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://advertising.libsyn.com/howto

Tyler holds himself to high expectations, placing a deep value on self-sufficiency and the social contract. But as a science teacher and dad to a blended family, he gets incredibly frustrated when others do not hold themselves to those same standards. On this episode of How To!, Mike brings on psychologist Dr. Ryan Martin, known as the Anger Professor, to talk through the realities of male anger and why our closest relationships trigger us the most. He walks Tyler through assertive communication, the "grounding" technique, and why keeping your cool is less about burying your feelings and more about understanding the core principles that spark them. Executive Producer Corey Wara Edited by Geoff Craig Booking by Ben Astaire Do you have a burning question or a problem you need help with? Email us at howto@mikepesca.com and we will consider your topic for the show. For full Pesca content and updates, check out our website at https://www.mikepesca.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To receive ad-free content, become a Pesca Plus subscriber at ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://subscribe.mikepesca.com/ For Mike's daily takes on Substack, subscribe to The Gist List https://mikepesca.substack.com/ Follow us on Social Media:⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram https://www.instagram.com/pescagist/ X https://x.com/pescami YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@pescagist⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@pescagist To advertise on the show, contact ⁠⁠⁠⁠ad-sales@libsyn.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://advertising.libsyn.com/howto

To move or not to move? That is the question for Tiffani. She is desperate to get out of her hometown in rural Oregon and find a place with affordable housing, better dating prospects, and a ballroom dance studio nearby… or at least a P.F. Chang's closer than a four hour drive away. The problem? Her preferred destination would mean moving clear across the country. On this episode of How To!, decision coach Nell McShane Wulfhart sits down with Tiffani and helps her make this life-changing decision in under 60 minutes. It's true! Nell shows us how we can all uncover what we truly want and then write ourselves permission slips to actually pursue it. If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Have Happy Regrets." Executive Producer Corey Wara Edited by Geoff Craig Booking by Ben Astaire Do you have a burning question or a problem you need help with? Email us at howto@mikepesca.com and we will consider your topic for the show. For full Pesca content and updates, check out our website at https://www.mikepesca.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To receive ad-free content, become a Pesca Plus subscriber at ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://subscribe.mikepesca.com/ For Mike's daily takes on Substack, subscribe to The Gist List https://mikepesca.substack.com/ Follow us on Social Media:⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram https://www.instagram.com/pescagist/ X https://x.com/pescami YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@pescagist⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@pescagist To advertise on the show, contact ⁠⁠⁠⁠ad-sales@libsyn.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://advertising.libsyn.com/howto

Brett has spent her career in foreign policy — shaping strategy, advising governments, moving pieces on a board whose outcomes she may never live to fully see. It's meaningful work. It just never feels finished. So she's started thinking about a different kind of problem: the kind with a beginning, a middle, and an answer. Oh, also, and these mysteries keep presenting themselves in her workplace, and Brett loves mysteries! On this episode of How To!, Mike brings on Christian, a private investigator to talk through the realities of being a PI. He walks Brett through the subtle art of "elicitation," the unglamorous realities of tailing cars and tracing skips, and why cracking a case in the real world is less about lurking in shadows and more about being the kind of person people want to talk to. Executive Producer Corey Wara Edited by Geoff Craig Booking by Ben Astaire Do you have a burning question or a problem you need help with? Email us at howto@mikepesca.com and we will consider your topic for the show. For full Pesca content and updates, check out our website at https://www.mikepesca.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To receive ad-free content, become a Pesca Plus subscriber at ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://subscribe.mikepesca.com/ For Mike's daily takes on Substack, subscribe to The Gist List https://mikepesca.substack.com/ Follow us on Social Media:⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram https://www.instagram.com/pescagist/ X https://x.com/pescami YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@pescagist⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@pescagist To advertise on the show, contact ⁠⁠⁠⁠ad-sales@libsyn.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://advertising.libsyn.com/howto

Living with a cat often feels like a game of high-stakes interpretation, especially when an 18-pound Maine Coon is performing a 4:30 AM tap dance on your head. Today on How To!, Mike Pesca is joined by cat owner Steve, who shares the reality of navigating the vocal demands of his feline companions, Mr. Bad and Vincent Then, cat behavior consultant Dr. Mikel Delgado steps in to debunk the "alpha" dominance myth and the false promise of AI-powered cat translators, explaining how felines actually use subtle body language and house-specific "dialects" to communicate with and occasionally exploit their human caretakers. Delgado offers a scientific look at the "mouse bouche" caloric needs of a predator and provides actionable strategies to help owners reclaim their sleep and treat their cats like the solitary hunters they truly are. Executive Producer Corey Wara Edited by Geoff Craig Booking by Ben Astaire Do you have a burning question or a problem you need help with? Email us at howto@mikepesca.com and we will consider your topic for the show. For full Pesca content and updates, check out our website at https://www.mikepesca.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To receive ad-free content, become a Pesca Plus subscriber at ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://subscribe.mikepesca.com/ For Mike's daily takes on Substack, subscribe to The Gist List https://mikepesca.substack.com/ Follow us on Social Media:⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram https://www.instagram.com/pescagist/ X https://x.com/pescami YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@pescagist⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@pescagist To advertise on the show, contact ⁠⁠⁠⁠ad-sales@libsyn.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://advertising.libsyn.com/howto

Relying on filler words like "um," "like," and "you know" is a universal habit that clutters our speech and betrays our nerves, but simply willing yourself to stop only makes the problem worse. Today on How To!, Mike Pesca is joined by renowned data journalist and author Nate Silver, who bravely steps up as the guinea pig to have his own fast-talking, filler-heavy conversational style diagnosed in real-time. Then, communications coach Michael Chad Hoeppner, author of Don't Say Um, steps in to break down the physical mechanics of communication—treating speaking as an athletic act—and offers actionable, kinesthetic strategies like "catching the ball" and "walking the fingers" to help anyone slow down, pause, and speak with confident precision. Executive Producer Corey Wara Edited by Geoff Craig Booking by Ben Astaire Do you have a burning question or a problem you need help with? Email us at howto@mikepesca.com and we will consider your topic for the show. For full Pesca content and updates, check out our website at https://www.mikepesca.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To receive ad-free content, become a Pesca Plus subscriber at ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://subscribe.mikepesca.com/ For Mike's daily takes on Substack, subscribe to The Gist List https://mikepesca.substack.com/ Follow us on Social Media:⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram https://www.instagram.com/pescagist/ X https://x.com/pescami YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@pescagist⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@pescagist To advertise on the show, contact ⁠⁠⁠⁠ad-sales@libsyn.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://advertising.libsyn.com/howto

Getting older brings new vulnerabilities, especially when navigating the sophisticated, ever-evolving world of financial scams targeting seniors. Today on How To!, Mike Pesca is joined by journalist Nancy Rommelmann, who shares the harrowing personal reality of watching her mother fall prey to predatory phone calls and a corrupt accountant. Then, AARP's Senior Director of Fraud Victim Support, Amy Nofziger, steps in to break down the DNA of modern elder fraud—from "pig butchering" crypto schemes to celebrity romance catfishing—and offers actionable, team-based strategies like credit freezes, call blockers, and family "admin nights" to keep your loved ones, and their life savings, safe. Executive Producer Corey Wara Edited by Geoff Craig Booking by Ben Astaire Do you have a burning question or a problem you need help with? Email us at howto@mikepesca.com and we will consider your topic for the show. For full Pesca content and updates, check out our website at https://www.mikepesca.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To receive ad-free content, become a Pesca Plus subscriber at ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://subscribe.mikepesca.com/ For Mike's daily takes on Substack, subscribe to The Gist List https://mikepesca.substack.com/ Follow us on Social Media:⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram https://www.instagram.com/pescagist/ X https://x.com/pescami YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@pescagist⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@pescagist To advertise on the show, contact ⁠⁠⁠⁠ad-sales@libsyn.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://advertising.libsyn.com/howto

Stand-up comedian and philosopher Myq Kaplan has built a successful career exploring the human condition, but navigating his own underlying anxiety presents a very different challenge. He knows how to handle recreational and spiritual psychedelic trips in the jungles of Peru, but the leap to "crossing the streams" and using these substances in a formal, clinical therapeutic setting feels uncertain. On this episode: How To!'s Mike Pesca brings on Dr. Will Van Derveer, a veteran psychiatrist, co-founder of the Integrative Psychiatry Institute, and author of Psychedelic Therapy. Dr. Will Van Derveer offers Myq guidance on using medicines like ketamine and psilocybin to "shake the snow globe" of the brain's default mode network, the importance of treating the therapy like a psychological tow truck rather than a permanent ride—and why you really need to stop bothering the Sonoran Desert toads. Executive Producer Corey Wara Edited by Geoff Craig Booking by Ben Astaire Do you have a burning question or a problem you need help with? Email us at howto@mikepesca.com and we will consider your topic for the show. For full Pesca content and updates, check out our website at https://www.mikepesca.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To receive ad-free content, become a Pesca Plus subscriber at ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://subscribe.mikepesca.com/ For Mike's daily takes on Substack, subscribe to The Gist List https://mikepesca.substack.com/ Follow us on Social Media:⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram https://www.instagram.com/pescagist/ X https://x.com/pescami YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@pescagist⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@pescagist To advertise on the show, contact ⁠⁠⁠⁠ad-sales@libsyn.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://advertising.libsyn.com/howto

Mike Pesca has built a long career as a news analyst and podcaster, but taking over the How To! franchise presents a very different challenge: learning the ropes of the advice show genre. He knows how to dissect complex political events, but the leap to solving eccentric listener dilemmas while maximizing entertainment value feels new. On this episode: How To!'s Mike Pesca turns the microphone on himself and brings on Ian Chillag and Mike Danforth, the veteran co-hosts of NPR's How to Do Everything and producers for Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! Ian and Mike offer Mike guidance on bypassing straightforward answers to find weirdly perpendicular solutions, the importance of providing "nutritious" conversational facts—and why you should never, under any circumstances, climb inside a refrigerator with Jesse Eisenberg. Executive Producer Corey Wara Edited by Geoff Craig Booking by Lya Yanne Do you have a burning question or a problem you need help with? Email us at howto@mikepesca.com and we will consider your topic for the show. For full Pesca content and updates, check out our website at https://www.mikepesca.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To receive ad-free content, become a Pesca Plus subscriber at ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://subscribe.mikepesca.com/ For Mike's daily takes on Substack, subscribe to The Gist List https://mikepesca.substack.com/ Follow us on Social Media:⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram https://www.instagram.com/pescagist/ X https://x.com/pescami YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@pescagist⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@pescagist To advertise on the show, contact ⁠⁠⁠⁠ad-sales@libsyn.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://advertising.libsyn.com/howto

Enid Baxter Ryce has built a fascinating career as an artist and university professor, but her unique living situation presents a very different challenge: navigating life on a massive, decommissioned, and potentially haunted military base. She knows how to uncover the historical art left behind in the empty barracks, but the leap to understanding and confronting the supernatural entities that might linger there feels intimidating and out of reach. On this episode: How To!'s Mike Pesca brings on Dr. Irving Finkel, a renowned British Museum curator, Assyriologist, and author of The First Ghosts. Irving offers Enid guidance on bypassing modern skepticism to view hauntings through an ancient Mesopotamian lens, the power of using precise incantations to address spirits—and why dealing with a ghost should be treated as practically as catching a mouse in the kitchen. Executive Producer Corey Wara Edited by Geoff Craig Booking by Lya Yanne Do you have a burning question or a problem you need help with? Email us at howto@mikepesca.com and we will consider your topic for the show. For full Pesca content and updates, check out our website at https://www.mikepesca.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To receive ad-free content, become a Pesca Plus subscriber at ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://subscribe.mikepesca.com/ For Mike's daily takes on Substack, subscribe to The Gist List https://mikepesca.substack.com/ Follow us on Social Media:⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram https://www.instagram.com/pescagist/ X https://x.com/pescami YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@pescagist⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@pescagist To advertise on the show, contact ⁠⁠⁠⁠ad-sales@libsyn.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://advertising.libsyn.com/howto

Dan Savage has built a legendary career giving sex and relationship advice, but as the U.S. political climate shifts, he's yearning to chase a very different dream: relocating his polyamorous family to Europe. He knows how to navigate complex relationship dynamics, but the leap to untangling international immigration law feels intimidating and technically out of reach. On this episode: How To! with Mike Pesca consults Charley Nieuwesteeg, a Dutch immigration lawyer specializing in the Dutch-American Friendship Treaty (DAFT). Charley offers Dan guidance on bypassing the bureaucratic hurdles to establish residency, navigating the logistics of "daisy-chain" migration—and why proving a romantic relationship to the Dutch government is surprisingly straightforward. Executive Producer Corey Wara Edited by Geoff Craig Booking by Lya Yanne Do you have a burning question or a problem you need help with? Email us at howto@mikepesca.com and we will consider your topic for the show. For full Pesca content and updates, check out our website at https://www.mikepesca.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To receive ad-free content, become a Pesca Plus subscriber at ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://subscribe.mikepesca.com/ For Mike's daily takes on Substack, subscribe to The Gist List https://mikepesca.substack.com/ Follow us on Social Media:⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram https://www.instagram.com/pescagist/ X https://x.com/pescami YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@pescagist⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@pescagist To advertise on the show, contact ⁠⁠⁠⁠ad-sales@libsyn.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://advertising.libsyn.com/howto

Stewart has built a respectable career as a lawyer in Montreal, but he's yearning to chase a very different dream: becoming a club DJ. He knows how to curate a killer playlist, but the leap to commanding a live room feels intimidating and technically out of reach. On this episode: How To!'s Mike Pesca brings on Tom Nash, a former top Sydney club DJ (known as DJ Hookie) who spins using prosthetic hooks. Tom offers Stewart guidance on bypassing the technical hurdles to truly read a crowd, building a music brand from "scratch"—and why the DJ's one true job is to delight the audience. Executive Producer Corey Wara Edited by Geoff Craig Booking by Lya Yanne Do you have a burning question or a problem you need help with? Email us at howto@mikepesca.com and we will consider your topic for the show. For full Pesca content and updates, check out our website at https://www.mikepesca.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To receive ad-free content, become a Pesca Plus subscriber at ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://subscribe.mikepesca.com/ For Mike's daily takes on Substack, subscribe to The Gist List https://mikepesca.substack.com/ Follow us on Social Media:⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram https://www.instagram.com/pescagist/ X https://x.com/pescami YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@pescagist⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@pescagist To advertise on the show, contact ⁠⁠⁠⁠ad-sales@libsyn.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://advertising.libsyn.com/howto

How To! has a new host - veteran journalist and podcaster Mike Pesca, host of The Gist, Not Even Mad, and Funny You Should Mention podcasts. It's the same great Ambie Award nominated show, covering new topics, with new experts, and Mike's signature humor. You've got questions. We find answers. We all need advice, but it's not always clear who to ask. Each week, Mike Pesca invites a listener on the show to tackle a real problem, like protecting our elderly loved ones from scammers, emigrating as a throuple, and speaking without saying "um" - all with help from world-class experts: attorneys, doctors, entrepreneurs, authors, researchers - who actually know what they're talking about. Think of it as eavesdropping on someone else's therapy session, without the co-pay or awkward silence.

You've probably heard about the importance of journaling, putting thoughts on paper to help process the daily vicissitudes of life. But it's easy to stall once you see a blank page or get self conscious about what exactly you're writing. On this episode of How To!, we bring together Anna Quindlen, bestselling novelist and author of the new book Write For Your Life, and John Dickerson, co-host of Slate's Political Gabfest, CBS News reporter, author and veteran journaler. They share their wit and wisdom on how to start writing about your personal life — and how to keep it going amid all the distractions. (And stay tuned after the credits for an exclusive sneak peek of Anna Quindlen's next novel). If you liked this episode, check out "How To Write a Bestseller" and "How To Get Your Book Published."

Dating is always tough, but during a pandemic it can feel downright impossible. "I'm incredibly lonely, and it's impossible to meet anybody my age right now," our listener Sarah said. Feeling isolated, Sarah has clung to a friends-with-benefit situation with Matthew, her friend and dance partner. But at 36, Sarah knows the relationship isn't meant to last. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Logan Ury, director of relationship science at Hinge, dating coach, and author of How to Not Die Alone: The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love, to help Sarah break up with Matthew and move on. And moving on, Logan says, doesn't necessarily mean just dating. What Sarah might really be missing is a community—and so she ought to search for not only a romantic partner but also friends who function as "other significant others."

Joe Loya robbed over 30 banks during an 18-month span before going to jail. In this episode of How To! Charles wants to rob one bank on a Saturday afternoon, and get away scot-free. Can Joe teach Charles the tricks of the trade? Or will he shatter his dreams, and a few stereotypes along the way? Also, is it a good idea to carry a microphone while attempting a robbery?

Avalon is driven, creative, and… can't meet a deadline to save her life. In her defense, she's a card-carrying member of the gig economy, juggling a complicated schedule as a DJ and visual artist. Avalon's tried to organize her life using a bullet journal, but procrastination keeps getting in the way of her career pursuits. On this episode of How To!, the second in a two-part series on time management, we talk to Christopher Cox, author of The Deadline Effect: How To Work Like It's the Last Minute Before the Last Minute. He explains why concrete deadlines, the shorter the better, can actually help Avalon's creativity. And he gives all of us tips on how to set the perfect deadline—and never miss it.

Victor's job—at its core—is to change the world. But he feels like he's plateaued within his large humanitarian and development organization, and is now on the verge of jumping ship. On this episode of How To!, Annie Duke, author of Quit: The Power Of Knowing When to Walk Away, helps Victor decide if he should recommit to his current job or move on to something else. She explains the cognitive biases that prevent us from quitting and reveals why most of us quit things far too late.

The trouble began when Sarah put a fern in front of her new condo. Nice, right? The woman who lives in the unit above didn't think so, and without warning sent Sarah a slew of passive-aggressive notes. Sarah thinks it's all a big misunderstanding, but now her neighbor refuses to even speak to her. Sarah is wracked with anxiety, struggling to sleep, and contemplating moving out. On this episode of How To!, we turn to stand-up comedian Tig Notaro, a cancer survivor and host of the new advice podcast Don't Ask Tig, to help Sarah approach the situation with humor and clarity. When things don't go your way, Tig says, you have to take back control of your own story. What would the hero in your favorite movie do? For Sarah, this means gardening with headphones and the Rocky theme on the soundtrack. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen.

In 2025, our listeners contacted How To! for advice about outsmarting student loans, moving to a new city, hosting a low-key gathering, living with chronic pain, quitting a dream job, letting go of ADHD shame, and yes, losing your virginity in your 40s. Today on the show: Carvell Wallace and Courtney Martin get updates from some of those advice-seekers—and they check in with Jeff, whose family narrowly escaped an L.A. wildfire this year. Plus, what's ahead for How To! in 2026. How To! is produced by Rosemary Belson and Sophie Summergrad. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our senior supervising producer is Joel Meyer.

Tired of being the project manager for date night? On this bonus episode of How To!, Jackie Kelley explains how to make logistics equitable and easy—so your partner can help. Plus: a tip for quickly finding restaurants when date night is spontaneous. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Sophie Summergrad. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. This episode is for Slate Plus members. Join now to unlock it—plus other exclusive How To! bonus episodes and ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the How To! show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus for access wherever you listen.

Cohabitation can be bliss—except when it comes to your partner's incompatible approach to household tasks. Bonnie likes things clean, organized, and prompt. Vince, on the other hand, is a classic procrastinator. On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace brings on self-described "human glitterbomb" Jackie Kelley to offer up some practical "marriage rules" designed to improve everyday communication with the love of your life. If you liked this episode check out: How To Build a Marriage That Lasts How To Have a Fight That Actually Helps Your Relationship How To Save Your Marriage Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Sophie Summergrad. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. This episode is for Slate Plus members. Join now to unlock it—plus other exclusive How To! bonus episodes and ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the How To! show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus for access wherever you listen.

In this bonus episode, Dr. Ingrid Clayton discusses another aspect of everyday life where fawning can show up and take over: sex. Ingrid tells How To!'s Courtney Martin about the ways we lose ourselves during sex—and how we can reconnect with our needs. How To!'s Quick Fix is produced by Rosemary Belson and Sophie Summergrad. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. This episode is member-exclusive. Listen to it now by subscribing to Slate Plus. By joining, not only will you unlock this episode—you'll also access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen.

When clinical psychologist, trauma therapist, and complex trauma survivor Dr. Ingrid Clayton learned about fawning — the fourth "F" after fight, flight, and freeze — she felt like this was the missing piece that explained her whole life. On this episode of How To!, Ingrid talks to Courtney Martin about what can happen when you find yourself in a chronic fawning response, and how to break free. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Sophie Summergrad. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. This episode is for Slate Plus members. Join now to unlock it—plus other exclusive How To! bonus episodes and ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the How To! show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus for access wherever you listen.

Slate staff writer Rebecca Onion wants to improve her singing voice, but she's unsure about belting it out in public. On this episode, How To!'s Carvell Wallace introduces her to G. Phillip Shoultz III, associate director of VocalEssence, for advice on strengthening her voice, performing with confidence, and (gasp!) auditioning for a vocal group. If you liked this episode check out How To Write the Perfect Breakup Song With Ben Folds. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Sophie Summergrad. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. This episode is for Slate Plus members. Join now to unlock it—plus other exclusive How To! bonus episodes and ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the How To! show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus for access wherever you listen.

With the year-end giving season underway, you might be wondering how much to donate and where you can make the biggest impact. On this Giving Tuesday, How To!'s Courtney Martin brings on Grace Chiang Nicolette of the Center for Effective Philanthropy to explain how to pick the right organizations and ensure your dollar goes as far as possible—regardless of how much you're giving. You can hear more of Grace on her podcast, Giving Done Right. If you liked this episode, check out How To Harness Your Citizen Superpowers and How To Lead Your Local Nonprofit. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Sophie Summergrad. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. This episode is for Slate Plus members. Join now to unlock it—plus other exclusive How To! bonus episodes and ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the How To! show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus for access wherever you listen.

It wasn't long after Melody Warnick moved to Blacksburg, Va., that she realized its nickname—"Bleaksburg"—wasn't a joke. Feeling stuck, she devised a research-based experiment to acclimate to her new city. On this episode: Melody explains how she went from hating Blacksburg to loving it (and how you can deepen your connection to the place where you live). Listen to part one of our conversation here: How to Move to a New City. If you liked this episode check out: How To Survive a Disaster and Quick Fix: Meet Your Neighbors Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Sophie Summergrad. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. This episode is for Slate Plus members. Join now to unlock it—plus other exclusive How To! bonus episodes and ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the How To! show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus for access wherever you listen.

Kerry is ready to leave rural Virginia and move to a walkable, vibrant city. The only problem? She can't decide which walkable, vibrant city is right for her. On this episode, How To!'s Courtney Martin brings on Melody Warnick, author of This Is Where You Belong and If You Could Live Anywhere. Melody asks Kerry what she's really seeking in a new place—and introduces a process that can help make such an important decision. Next week, we'll talk with Melody about learning to love where you live. Can't wait for part two? Slate Plus members can listen to that episode in their feeds right now! If you liked this episode check out: Moving Stories from Slate's Death, Sex & Money. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Sophie Summergrad. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. This episode is for Slate Plus members. Join now to unlock it—plus other exclusive How To! bonus episodes and ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the How To! show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus for access wherever you listen.

In this Quick Fix bonus episode, Carvell Wallace talks with home improvement expert Mercury Stardust about her first year of homeownership. The ups and downs of that experience are the subject of Mercury's upcoming book. How To!'s Quick Fix is produced by Rosemary Belson and Sophie Summergrad. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. This episode is member-exclusive. Listen to it now by subscribing to Slate Plus. By joining, not only will you unlock this episode—you'll also access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen.

In the second half of How To!'s wide-ranging conversation about home improvement, gender, sexuality, and much more, journalist Sam Sanders and author Mercury Stardust (aka The Trans Handy Ma'am) talk with co-host Carvell Wallace about a truly daunting idea: skipping the contractors—and doing the work yourself. This episode is available to Slate Plus members now. Non-members will be able to listen on Nov. 11, 2025. If you missed the first half of this conversation, check out How To Talk to Contractors (With Sam Sanders and Mercury Stardust). Mercury's latest book is Safe and Sound: A Renter-Friendly Guide to Home Repair. And, check out the latest episodes of The Sam Sanders Show. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Sophie Summergrad. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. This episode is for Slate Plus members. Join now to unlock it—plus other exclusive How To! bonus episodes and ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the How To! show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus for access wherever you listen.

Sam Sanders is many things: journalist, podcaster, pop-culture obsessive, and a familiar voice from public radio. He's also "quite possibly the world's most hesitant homeowner." Sam wants to fix up the house he recently bought, but three things are holding him back: First, he doesn't have a clue where to start. Second, he's not very handy. And third, he's intimidated by the thought of talking with contractors (who might discover the first two things about him). In the first episode of a two-part series, Carvell Wallace brings on home improvement expert and bestselling author Mercury Stardust (aka The Trans Handy Ma'am) to guide Sam in conquering his fears. Mercury's latest book is Safe and Sound: A Renter-Friendly Guide to Home Repair. Check out the latest episodes of The Sam Sanders Show. Next week: How To Take Charge of Home Repair (with Sam Sanders and Mercury Stardust). Can't wait for part 2? Slate Plus members can listen to that episode in their feeds right now! Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Sophie Summergrad. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. This episode is for Slate Plus members. Join now to unlock it—plus other exclusive How To! bonus episodes and ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the How To! show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus for access wherever you listen.

Andrew Zaleski couldn't stop snoring. Fed up, he did what any good journalist would do: He started digging. On this episode of How To!, Andrew tells Courtney Martin about his investigation into sawing logs, his experiments with anti-snoring devices, and what he learned from sleep experts while reporting his recent story for Slate. Episodes Mentioned: How To Stop Snoring (and Breathe Easier) How To Sleep Apart to Save Your Relationship How To Sleep Like a Champ Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Sophie Summergrad. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. This episode is for Slate Plus members. Join now to unlock it—plus other exclusive How To! bonus episodes and ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the How To! show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus for access wherever you listen.

If you recently lost your job—or think you might lose it soon—Laura Brown and Kristina O'Neill are here to help! On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace talks to the authors of All the Cool Girls Get Fired about what to do when you get the ax—and how to turn termination into a real opportunity. If you liked this conversation, check out the Slate podcast Death, Sex & Money's recent episode on "Why Job Hunting Feels So Grim Lately, Especially for Gen Z." Looking for a different kind of career advice? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Sophie Summergrad. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer.

Journalist and activist Soraya Chemaly decided to write her new book All We Want Is Everything: How We Dismantle Male Supremacy before the 2024 election. No matter the result, "there was going to be a huge backlash," she says. "I thought we should talk about this problem, which I define as a problem of male supremacy being invisible." Soraya breaks down how male supremacy operates, our hopes for beating it, and why it's bad for everyone—including men. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Sophie Summergrad. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. This episode is for Slate Plus members. Join now to unlock it—plus other exclusive How To! bonus episodes and ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the How To! show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus for access wherever you listen.

Contemporary women are primal-screaming and hitting rage rooms, but are these really the solutions to our personal and political anger? On this episode of How To!, Courtney Martin talks with Soraya Chemaly, journalist and author of Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's Anger, about her own recent upsurge of anger. Soraya explains how to identify, understand, and harness what's bottled up inside you—and use it for change. If you liked this episode check out How To Make Imposter Syndrome Your Superpower and How To Be Lonely. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Sophie Summergrad. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. This episode is for Slate Plus members. Join now to unlock it—plus other exclusive How To! bonus episodes and ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the How To! show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus for access wherever you listen.

In this special bonus episode, youth mentor Ashanti Branch talks with our listener Jen about her son's early observation about his skin color—and how to sustain conversations with young kids about race and identity. If you liked this episode check out: How To 'Do the Work' of Racial Justice Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis and Sophie Summergrad. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. This episode is for Slate Plus members. Join now to unlock it—plus other exclusive How To! bonus episodes and ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the How To! show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus for access wherever you listen.

Jen is raising a pretty stellar 9-year-old son. With his tween and teen years on the horizon, she wants to steer him toward kindness, acceptance, and openness—and away from the pitfalls of toxic masculinity. On this episode, How To!'s Carvell Wallace brings on Ashanti Branch, founder of The Ever Forward Club and host of unMASKing with Male Educators. Ashanti offers his advice on talking with boys about their emotions, understanding the "mask" that young men present to the world, and building trust and confidence—by acknowledging that adults don't have all the answers. If you liked this episode check out: How To Parent Less and How To Make Friends … Like a Man Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis and Sophie Summergrad. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. This episode is for Slate Plus members. Join now to unlock it—plus other exclusive How To! bonus episodes and ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the How To! show page on ⁠Apple Podcasts⁠ or ⁠Spotify⁠. Or, visit ⁠slate.com/howtoplus⁠ for access wherever you listen.

After seven years of trying to conceive, Lauren is ending fertility treatments and starting a new journey: adoption. She's excited about this unexpected detour into parenthood—but she's also grieving the loss of something deeply personal that she desired for so long. On this episode: How To!'s Courtney Martin brings on Ada Limón, author of the new book Startlement and the current U.S. poet laureate. Ada offers Lauren guidance on finding strength and joy in this unplanned chapter of her life—and on rethinking our own expectations for our bodies and our lives. If you liked this episode check out How To Become a Parent Overnight and How To Build a Marriage That Lasts. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis and Sophie Summergrad. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. This episode is for Slate Plus members. Join now to unlock it—plus other exclusive How To! bonus episodes and ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the How To! show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus for access wherever you listen.

In our latest mailbag episode, Courtney and Carvell had so much to say about books that we're bringing you even more in this Quick Fix bonus chat about audiobooks, cozy mysteries, and romance novels. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. This episode is for Slate Plus members. Join now to unlock it—plus other exclusive How To! bonus episodes and ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the How To! show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus for access wherever you listen. This episode is for Slate Plus members. Join now to unlock it—plus other exclusive How To! bonus episodes and ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the How To! show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus for access wherever you listen.

In this mailbag episode of How To!, we get an update from Elizabeth, the 43-year-old listener who contacted us for advice on her plan to have sex for the first time. Then, co-hosts Courtney Martin and Carvell Wallace get listeners' takes on our most talked-about episodes of the year—and the staff holds an impromptu idea meeting for upcoming episodes. Links Mentioned: My Old Books Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis and Sophie Summergrad. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. This episode is for Slate Plus members. Join now to unlock it—plus other exclusive How To! bonus episodes and ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the How To! show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus for access wherever you listen.

Two days after his experience with hypnosis, Carvell answers his How To! coworkers' burning questions: What does he remember (and not remember)? Does he feel any different? And most important: Would he do it again? Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To! is produced by Rosie Belson, with Kevin Bendis and Sophie Summergrad, who produced this Quick Fix episode. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer.

Much of our common understanding of hypnosis has been gleaned from mind-control plots in Hollywood movies or hokey on-stage demonstrations. On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace brings on Stanford University psychiatrist and researcher Dr. David Spiegel to talk about what hypnosis is (and isn't), as well as its potential to address stress, pain, and even athletic performance. Plus, with Carvell wrestling with an ongoing major project, Dr. Spiegel tests our host's hypnotizability—then leads him through an exercise aimed at confronting procrastination. Learn more about Dr. Spiegel and his self-hypnosis app, Reveri. If you liked this episode, check out How To Stop Being Anxious and How To Quiet the Chatter in Your Head. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To! is produced by Rosie Belson, with Kevin Bendis and Sophie Summergrad, who produced this episode. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer.

Vanessa Zoltan's decision to enroll at Harvard Divinity School as an avowed atheist might seem unusual—at first. In this Quick Fix bonus episode for Slate Plus members, Zoltan talks with Carvell Wallace about becoming an atheist chaplain and why operating outside of organized religion helps her connect with people in times of need, regardless of what they believe. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis and Sophie Summergrad. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. This episode is for Slate Plus members. Join now to unlock it—plus other exclusive How To! bonus episodes and ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the How To! show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus for access wherever you listen.

Alice has an objectively cool job. She programs film festivals and gets to watch documentaries for a living. But that living is also stressful: It's low-paying, seasonal work that provides some status, sure, but not much stability. On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace brings on atheist chaplain and author Vanessa Zoltan, who spent two years helping countless people decide whether to quit (or not) on her podcast The Real Question. Vanessa shares what she learned from those conversations—and helps Alice figure out how to reimagine her life (with job security). If you liked this episode check out How To Switch Careers in Midlife, How To Take a Sabbatical, and How To Know When to Quit Your Job. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis and Sophie Summergrad. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. This episode is for Slate Plus members. Join now to unlock it—plus other exclusive How To! bonus episodes and ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the How To! show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus for access wherever you listen.

When was the last time you said more than "hello" to your neighbors? On this installment of How To!'s Quick Fix, Katherine Goldstein shares advice from her How To Find Your People Club project and helps us break the ice with bubbles, stoop coffee, and a dash of courage. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis and Sophie Summergrad. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. This episode is for Slate Plus members. Join now to unlock it—plus other exclusive How To! bonus episodes and ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the How To! show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus for access wherever you listen.

Krystina used to host gatherings all the time. Then came kids and the pandemic, and the parties ground to a halt. She's feeling a renewed urge to bring people together—specifically her inspiring, badass female friends—but every time she starts to plan something meaningful, she balks. On this episode: How To!'s Courtney Martin connects Krystina with Katherine Goldstein of the Substack and podcast The Double Shift. Katherine shares what she's learned from her new project, The How To Find Your People Club, including a guiding principle: Don't overthink it. More from The How to Find Your People Club: 8 Ways to Embrace "Deep Casual Hosting" (So You'll Actually Do It) More Advice for the "Deep Casual" Hosting Movement! A Research-Backed Method to Ramp Up Our Social Skills A Nitty-Gritty Guide to Finding a Community That's Right for You If you liked this episode, check out How To Throw a Party They'll Remember and How To Find Friends in Unexpected Places. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis and Sophie Summergrad. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. This episode is for Slate Plus members. Join now to unlock it—plus other exclusive How To! bonus episodes and ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the How To! show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus for access wherever you listen.

When Kelly volunteered to be the head coach for his son's baseball team, he was nervous. He had no formal training, but he knew he wanted his players to have equal playing time—and have fun. Which they did, until the yelling started and the season ended in a stunning loss (and quite a few tears). What can Kelly do better next season? In this encore episode of How To! from 2021, Amanda Ripley connects Kelly with Doug Lemov, author of Teach Like a Champion and The Coach's Guide to Teaching. Doug shares some fantastic advice for commanding attention (and managing failure) that we can all learn from, on or off the field. If you liked this episode, check out Congrats, You Won the Olympics. Now What? Do you have a question that requires Ted Lasso-grade inspiration? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. This episode was produced by Derek John and Rosemary Belson. This episode is for Slate Plus members. Join now to unlock it—plus other exclusive How To! bonus episodes and ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the How To! show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus for access wherever you listen.

Safiya is one clumsy coffee spill away from catastrophe. A Gen Xer who hasn't yet embraced the cloud, she stores thousands of digital files, documents, and photos on devices with maxed-out storage limits. On today's episode, Carvell Wallace brings on Caitlin McGarry, senior editor at Wirecutter. Caitlin talks with Safiya about practical ways to delete and organize—and how we can all build healthier habits in our digital lives. Ready to dive even deeper? Explore these resources: How to Organize Your Digital Files Digital Clutter Can Be Overwhelming. Here's How to Clean Up. Your Phone's Camera Roll Is a Mess. Here's How to Clean It Up. How to Organize Desktop Apps Don't Be a Digital Hoarder If you liked this episode, check out How To Be a Lazy Genius and How To Rethink Screen Time Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis and Sophie Summergrad. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. This episode is for Slate Plus members. Join now to unlock it—plus other exclusive How To! bonus episodes and ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the How To! show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus for access wherever you listen.

When working on her new book, Hello, Cruel World!, science journalist Melinda Wenner Moyer interviewed a wide variety of researchers about raising resilient kids. On this episode of How To!'s Quick Fix, Melinda shares the top three pieces of advice she heard from them. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis and Sophie Summergrad. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. This episode is member-exclusive. Listen to it now by subscribing to Slate Plus. By joining, not only will you unlock this episode—you'll also access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen.

Sarah loves her in-laws, even though their politics send her running for the exits. Now, her daughter is starting to ask questions about her grandparents' patriarchal, conservative views. How can Sarah raise her kid to be self-assured, justice-oriented, and open-minded—without spoiling the connection between her in-laws and the grandchild they adore? On this episode of How To!, Courtney Martin brings on Melinda Wenner Moyer, science journalist and author of the new book Hello, Cruel World! Science-based Strategies for Raising Terrific Kids in Terrifying Times. Melinda gives Sarah strategies for talking to all parties, reinforcing values in her daughter, and avoiding an irreparable break with her relatives. If you want more Melinda, check out: How To Raise Kids in a Nation Full of Guns. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer.

Jessi navigates life with ADHD using a complex web of coping strategies. She used to strive for absolute perfection, but feels overwhelming guilt when she forgets something or loses focus at work or at home. On this episode, How To! co-host Carvell Wallace introduces Jessi to Dr. Sarah Wheeler, an educational psychologist who specializes in ADHD. Dr. Wheeler shares her own experience with ADHD and helps Jessi chart a sustainable path forward to self-acceptance, minus the anxiety and shame. Dr. Wheeler's Resources and Recommendations - ⁠Sarah's ADHD story⁠ - Sarah's⁠ Substack⁠ and⁠ podcast⁠ - More about ⁠Sarah and her work⁠ - Joan Wilder's site ⁠Help for Women with ADHD⁠ - Salif Muhamane's Ted Talk,⁠ "ADHD Sucks, But Not Really⁠" - Kate Weber's⁠ Women & ADHD podcast⁠ - You've Always Been This Way: ⁠"Hello, I'm New Here,"⁠ by McSweeney's columnist Taylor Harris Check out: How To Navigate Adult Autism and our discussion of ADHD and organizing in How To Do Housework (and Not Hate It) How can How To! help you?? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis and Sophie Summergrad. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. This episode is for Slate Plus members. Join now to unlock it—plus other exclusive How To! bonus episodes and ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the How To! show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus for access wherever you listen.

Psssst. You didn't hear this from me, but gossiping—can be good for you! Our series on embracing your inner antihero wraps—for now—with a guilty pleasure: gossiping. Normal Gossip host (and beloved former Slatester) Rachelle Hampton sits down with How To!'s Carvell Wallace to dish on the right way to gossip, the link between whisper networks and safety, and the importance of leaving no receipts. This conversation concludes—for now!—our miniseries on embracing your inner antihero. Check out our episodes on How To Get Sweet, Sweet Revenge and How To Be an Ethical Hater. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. This episode was produced by Sophie Summergrad. This episode is for Slate Plus members. Join now to unlock it—plus other exclusive How To! bonus episodes and ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the How To! show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus for access wherever you listen.

Our series on embracing your inner antihero continues with a look at superheroes who definitely don't wear capes: ethical haters. Slate culture writer Scaachi Koul sits down with How To!'s Carvell Wallace for a conversation about the power of haterade—and why "hating up" distinguishes ethical haters from run-of-the-mill, establishment negativity. Links Mentioned: Sucker Punch by Scaachi Koul Scaachi's Substack, Hater Nation Banal Nightmare by Halle Butler Scamfluencers Missed our first installment? Check out How To Get Sweet, Sweet Revenge. Next week: How to gossip! (But we didn't tell you that...) How are you exploring your inner antihero? How can we help you? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis. This episode was produced by Sophie Summergrad. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer.

In this Quick Fix bonus episode, our conversation about how to get revenge continues. Writer and comedian Matthew Dicks weighs in on the "let them" mindset popularized by podcaster Mel Robbins. "I don't understand why we would let terrible people continue to be terrible," he says. And, Matt explains the tiny moment of social-media comeuppance he delivered to Donald Trump. Links Mentioned: Mel Robbins explains the idea that became her bestselling book The Let Them Theory. More about Matthew Dicks How To!'s Quick Fix is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. Special thanks to Sophie Summergrad. This episode is for Slate Plus members. Join now to unlock it—plus other exclusive How To! bonus episodes and ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the How To! show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus for access wherever you listen.

Jordan is mired in a bitter war over off-leash pups at an unofficial dog park. With pro-leash forces deploying fake signage, ambush videos, and questionable zip-tie tactics in a campaign of shame aimed at her fellow dog owners, Jordan is ready to take matters into her own hands. In this first installment of How To's guide to becoming an antihero, Courtney Martin brings on writer, storyteller, and comedian Matthew Dicks to counsel Jordan in the art of getting even. (Read Slate's Revenge Week spectacular.) A little treat: Jordan's pup, Ziggy! Next week: How To Be an Ethical Hater. (Can't wait for antihero guidance? Check out How To Be the Next Erin Brockovich and How To Confront a Crazy Neighbor (Featuring Tig Notaro). Are you carrying a petty grudge? Don't get over it—we want to hear your story! Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. Special thanks to Sophie Summergrad. This episode is for Slate Plus members. Join now to unlock it—plus other exclusive How To! bonus episodes and ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the How To! show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus for access wherever you listen.

In this bonus episode for Slate Plus members, two How To! producers follow Oliver Burkeman's advice and head to the art museum to stare at some art. The challenge originates from Harvard professor Jennifer L. Roberts, who assigned her students a task in deep observation… and patience. Leland Bell, "Temma in Orange Dress" Wendell Castle, "Walking Cabinet" Tony Oursler, "MMPI (Self-Portrait in Yellow)" Stuart Davis, "The Outside" New York Times, Test Your Focus: Can You Spend 10 Minutes With One Painting? If you liked this episode check out: How To Draw Outside the Lines Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. This episode is for Slate Plus members. Join now to unlock it—plus other exclusive How To! bonus episodes and ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the How To! show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus for access wherever you listen.

Kate is juggling a lot: work, kids, caregiving for an elder, a dance troupe, the PTA, community organizing. Oh, and she runs a '90s-themed DJ night, too. On this episode of How To!, Courtney Martin brings on Oliver Burkeman, author of Four Thousand Weeks and Meditations for Mortals, to talk with Kate about how to stop doing everything all the time. If you liked this episode check out: How To Manage Your Precious Time Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. This episode is for Slate Plus members. Join now to unlock it—plus other exclusive How To! bonus episodes and ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the How To! show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus for access wherever you listen.

Kate stopped reading in 2016. Since then, she's tried to find her way back to it but something's not clicking, and it's left a book-shaped hole in her heart. Reading used to be something she really enjoyed, took pride in, and loved connecting with people over. On this episode of How To!, co-host Carvell Wallace brings in Maryanne Wolf, director of ⁠UCLA's Center For Dyslexia, Diverse Learners, and Social Justice⁠ and author of the book, ⁠Reader, Come Home⁠. Maryanne explains the science behind the reading brain as well as how to deeply engage with books and make reading a habit again. If you liked this episode, check out: "⁠How To Put Down Your Phone⁠" Do you wonder how best to use your time? Send us a note at ⁠howto@slate.com⁠ or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

Mary is juggling a busy career and family life and, like many of us, she feels guilty about the time she spends on her phone. On this episode of How To!, Courtney Martin talks with author and teacher Molly Caro May about how she's helping others rethink—and rewire—their dependency on devices with an approach that's focused on the mind-body connection. If you liked this episode, check out How To Manage Your Kids' Screen Time. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer.

In this bonus episode for Slate Plus members, our conversation about harnessing the power of drawing continues as Wendy MacNaughton walks Courtney through a drawing meditation that helps people relax and refocus. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. This episode is member-exclusive. Listen to it now by subscribing to Slate Plus. By joining, not only will you unlock this episode—you'll also access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen.

Drawing isn't just child's play. It's a shortcut to joy, presence, and connection—all things we could use a lot more of these days. On this episode of How To!, Courtney Martin brings on artist, graphic journalist, and founder of DrawTogether Wendy MacNaughton to explain how everyone at the grown-ups table can start drawing, too. Courtney's blind contour drawing If you liked this episode check out: How To Be an Artist and Not Starve Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer.

Mavi was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis more than 15 years ago. Since then, she's managed her symptoms and myriad life changes—but the past several months have been dominated by intense, chronic pain. On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace brings on Toni Bernhard, author of How to Be Sick and How to Live Well With Chronic Pain and Illness, to talk with Mavi about making peace with this new normal. If you liked this episode check out: How To Withstand Pain. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer.

Our conversation about families and college life continues in this special bonus episode for Slate Plus members. Carvell Wallace talks with our listener Jennifer and Texas Tech administrator Christine Self about how to help younger siblings when an older brother or sister heads off to school. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. This episode is member-exclusive. Listen to it now by subscribing to Slate Plus. By joining, not only will you unlock this episode—you'll also access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen.

Jennifer is about to send her oldest child off to college in the fall—and her kid isn't the only one who's anxious about the transition. On this episode of How To!, host Carvell Wallace and Jennifer talk with Christine Self, director of parent and family relations at Texas Tech University, about navigating a huge change, making the most of campus visits, talking about alcohol, and how much access you actually need to your kid's life. Resources mentioned: You're On Your Own (But I'm Here If You Need Me) by Marjorie Savage College Ready Grown and Flown If you liked this episode check out: How To Take a Gap Year and How To Pick a College (and Actually Afford It). Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer.

Think of all the broken stuff you're storing in your home. A blender that won't blend? A bike without brakes? A buttonless blouse? Resist the urge to buy new stuff—and listen to this How To! episode instead! Courtney Martin brings together Phoebe Schenker, executive director of Reuse Alliance and founder of The Mending Library, and Sue-Jean, a reuse enthusiast, to talk about breathing new life into old items. Links Mentioned: Reuse Alliance iFixIt WikiHow Tool Lending Libraries If you liked this episode check out: How To Find the Gems in All Your Junk and How To Let Go of Kid Clutter Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer.

Lily wants to have satisfying sex that plays to her core desires, but lately it's been hard to describe to potential partners exactly what she wants. On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace brings on Dr. Danielle Harel and Celeste Hirschman—sexologists, authors, and the founders of the Somatica Institute. They coach Lily (and all of us) on how to define the individual experiences we're seeking—and communicate them to others. If you liked this episode check out: How To Have the Best Sex of Your Life How To Make Sexual Consent Sexy How To Orgasm How To Lose Your 'Virginity' at 43 How To Have an Open Relationship Also: Death, Sex & Money's Sex Parties and Shakespeare With Carvell Wallace Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer.

Can advice from a podcast actually make your life better? How To! producer Rosie Belson is putting previous advice to the test. This month: How to make cleaning a breeze—or a little less awful, at least. Featured How To! episodes: How To Do Housework (and Not Hate It) How To Be a Lazy Genius How To Tame a Chaotic Household How To Get Your Dog to Stop Eating Your Daughters' Underwear With Jenny Slate Tell us about a piece of How To! advice that stuck with you. ? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001—and Rosie might just try out that advice for herself.. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis. How To's supervising producer is Joel Meyer. This episode is member-exclusive. Listen to it now by subscribing to Slate Plus. By joining, not only will you unlock this episode—you'll also access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen.

Are you stuck in a hair rut? On this episode of How To!, Courtney Martin brings on Alana Lucia Balestrino, hairstylist, barber, and founder of the Brooklyn-based studio Baddies. Alana explains how to work with a stylist or barber to get a haircut you love. If you liked this episode check out: How To Dress with Confidence. Also: Decoder Ring's Mystery of the Mullet. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer.

At least 10 percent of parents in the U.S. are disabled, but Andrea can't seem to find parenting advice on disability and accessibility. On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace brings on Jessica Slice, author of the new book Unfit Parent: A Disabled Mother Challenges an Inaccessible World, to help Andrea reimagine parenthood. If you liked this episode check out: How To Date With a Disability and How To Become a Parent Overnight. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer.

Our series Living at Odds concludes with a special episode of Slate's ⁠Death, Sex & Money⁠. Host Anna Sale returns to her native West Virginia to talk with the state's only full-time lobbyist for LGBTQ rights. Andrew Schneider of ⁠Fairness West Virginia⁠ has spent years cultivating working relationships with conservative allies in state and local government. Aided by those relationships, Andrew helped pass 20 local anti-discrimination ordinances across the conservative-leaning state. Now, those policy victories—and Andrew's alliances—are facing dire challenges in an increasingly hostile political landscape. Plus: How To!'s Courtney Martin looks back at ⁠Living at Odds⁠, a series about what holds us together when so much threatens to break us apart. If you enjoyed this series, check out: ⁠How To Get Things Done in a Divided Nation with Samantha Power⁠ or ⁠How To Harness Your Citizen Superpowers⁠. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at ⁠howto@slate.com⁠ or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on ⁠Apple⁠, ⁠Spotify⁠, or wherever you listen. This episode was produced by Anna Sale, with the Death, Sex & Money team: Zoe Azulay, Cameron Drews, Andrew Dunn, and Daisy Rosario. This series was produced by Maura Currie and Rosie Belson. How To's technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. Special thanks to The Hearthland Foundation, which provided funding for Living at Odds.

In this exclusive Living at Odds bonus episode: Kellie Farrish tells Courtney Martin about the research tools and techniques she uses while helping people uncover information about ancestors lost to history. Farrish, a restorative genealogist, brings together descendants of people who were involved in American chattel slavery for conversations about family pain, generational trauma, dignity, and belonging. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. This episode was produced by Rosie Belson and Maura Currie. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob, who composed original music for this series. Our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. This episode is member-exclusive. Listen to it now by subscribing to Slate Plus. By joining, not only will you unlock this episode—you'll also access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen.

In the third installment of our series Living at Odds, How To!'s Courtney Martin examines what it's like being in conflict with your family history. She talks with ancestors of the famous names in Plessy v. Ferguson, the Supreme Court decision that affirmed racial segregation in the U.S. as "separate but equal." Later, researcher Kellie Farrish explains how reparative genealogy can unlock family history that's been lost or erased—and bring together descendants of enslaved people and their enslavers into conversations about the past, present, and future. If you're enjoying Living at Odds, check out this How To! episode: How To 'Do the Work' of Racial Justice. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. This episode was produced by Maura Currie and Rosie Belson. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob, who composed original music for this series. Our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. Thank you to Dahlia Lithwick of Amicus and Sophie Summergrad for their help with this episode. Special thanks to The Hearthland Foundation, which provided funding for Living at Odds.

In the second installment of our series Living at Odds, former How To! host Amanda Ripley returns to talk with two public school officials in Tulsa, Oklahoma, who found themselves at loggerheads upon their very first meeting. Deborah and Stacey's difficult working relationship continued until COVID-19 sparked some solidarity—and the two began to learn more about each other. Later, Stacey would find herself defending the colleague she once wanted to oust. If you're enjoying Living at Odds, check out these How To! episodes: How To Build Trust With Co-Workers and How To Help Teachers Thrive. Also check out Good Conflict for additional resources. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. This episode was produced by Rosie Belson and Maura Currie. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob, who composed original music for this series. Our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. Thank you to Sophie Summergrad for her help with this episode. Special thanks to The Hearthland Foundation, which provided funding for Living at Odds.

Living at Odds is a new How To! series about what's holding us together when so much threatens to break us apart. In our first episode, host Courtney Martin talks with two street vendors who operated rivaling merch tents at the same busy intersection during the 2024 election. Steve hawked MAGA caps and Trump-branded pool floaties just a few feet away from Sandra, who sweetened her sales of Harris-Walz campaign shirts with free "Kamala candy." After so many weeks on the same street corner, the pair negotiated an easy friendship—and even talked about politics. Then came Election Day. If you're enjoying Living at Odds, check out these How To! episodes: How To Run for Office Without Being an A**hole and How To Talk Politics With Your Dad (Without Yelling) Pt 1 Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. This episode was produced by Maura Currie and Rosie Belson. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer. Thank you to Sophie Summergrad for her help with this episode. Special thanks to The Hearthland Foundation, which provided funding for this series.