Bitch Bible

We are going back in time and revisiting some staple “Bitch Bible” classics. Starting off strong (and safe) with some housewife sociology lessons from legend Michael Rapaport!

Jackie dissects controversial Taylor Swift lyrics, has another almost altercation at her local Homegoods and celebrates lesbian visibility week! Thanks for supporting my sponsors! Ritual: Get 25% off your first month for a limited time at www.Ritual.com/BIBLE Naked Wines: Use code and password BIBLE to get 6 bottles of wine for just $39.99 with shipping included at www.NakedWines.com/BIBLE Farmer's Dog: Get 50% off your first box of food Plus FREE shipping at www.theFarmersDog.com/bible DraftKings: Download the app and use code BIBLE to start playing with just five dollars and get one hundred back instantly in Casino Credits at www.DraftKings.com Noom: Sign up for your trial today, and check out Noom’s first ever cookbook, The Noom Kitchen at www.Noom.com

Jackie publishes her first work of literature by way of Yelp review after being attacked by a rat in Home Depot, reviews the new Taylor Swift album, and about 462 other topics she can't remember because she has rabies. Thank you for supporting my sponsors! DraftKings: Download the app and use code BIBLE to start playing with just five dollars and get one hundred back instantly in Casino Credits Prolon: Get 10% off the 5-day nutrition program at www.ProlonLife.com/BIBLE Nurx: Taking control of your reproductive health starts at www.Nurx.com/BIBLE Rosetta Stone: Get Rosetta Stone’s Lifetime Membership for 50% off at www.RosettaStone.com/BIBLE 

Jackie dissects Coachella culture, Gen Z ruining everything, Pookie updates and women's sports. Thank you for supporting my sponsors! Factor: Use code bible50 to get 50% off at www.FactorMeals.com/bible50 Framebridge: Visit www.framebridge.com today to get started and custom frame just about anything Marley Spoon: Use code BITCHBIBLE for up to 25 free meals at www.MarleySpoon.com/Offer/BITCHBIBLE Squarespace: Visit www.Squarespace.com/BIBLE to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain Sono Bello: Schedule your FREE consultation today at www.sonobello.com/bible 

Jackie phones friend Heather McMahan for emotional support dealing with grief, the eclipse, manipulative marital strategies and red carpet disasters. Thank you for supporting my sponsors! This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp: Visit www.betterhelp.com/BITCHBIBLE today to get 10% off your first month The Farmer's Dog: Get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy food at www.theFarmersDog.com/bible and get FREE shipping Naked Wines: To get Naked Wines’ 6 bottles for $39.99 offer, head to www.NakedWines.com/BIBLE and use code BIBLE for both the code AND password Prose: Get 50% off your first subscription order at www.prose.com/bible Sono Bello: Schedule your FREE consultation today at www.sonobello.com/bible 

Jackie debuts her latest act of philanthropy, celebrates Easter by relishing in families get hit with a tundra and discusses the latest in pop culture news. Thank you for supporting my sponsors! This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp: Visit www.betterhelp.com/BITCHBIBLE today to get 10% off your first month Happy Mammoth: Use code JACKIE at checkout to get 15% off on your first order at www.HappyMammoth.com Nurx: Taking control of your reproductive health starts here. Go to www.nurx.com/BIBLE to get started Squarespace: Visit www.Squarespace.com/BIBLE to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain Zocdoc: Download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Find and book a top rated doctor today at www.Zocdoc.com/BIBLE 

Jackie ponders marine life, reminisces on the early 2000's, offers a variety of musical and television critique, and reinfects her eyeball with conjunctivitis. Thank you for supporting my sponsors! The Farmer's Dog: Get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy food at www.theFarmersDog.com/bible and get FREE shipping Honey Love: Save 20% at www.honeylove.com/BIBLE Happy Mammoth: Use code JACKIE at checkout to get 15% off on your first order at www.HappyMammoth.com Prolon: Get 10% off the 5-day nutrition program at www.ProlonLife.com/BIBLE Sono Bello: Schedule your FREE consultation today at www.sonobello.com/BIBLE 

Jackie breaks down Vanderpump Rules, her recent trauma at Target, new beef with a narc neighbor and distasteful motherhood updates! Thank you for supporting my sponsors! Caden Lane: Use code BIBLE for 20% off your order at www.CadenLane.com/BIBLE Factor: Use code bible50 to get 50% off at www.FactorMeals.com/bible50 Happy Mammoth: Use code JACKIE at checkout to get 15% off on your first order at www.HappyMammoth.com Naked Wines: Use code and password BIBLE to get 6 bottles of wine for just $39.99 with shipping included at www.NakedWines.com/BIBLE Viia Hemp Company: Use code BIBLE to receive 15% off plus a free sample at www.ViiaHemp.com 

Jackie is back from Paris Fashion Week with the raw retinas to prove it. After contracting conjunctivitis, she recaps her medical trauma whilst abroad. She also discusses the Oscars and breaks down her best dressed. Apologies to Vanessa Hudgens. Thanks for supporting my sponsors! Happy Mammoth: Use code JACKIE at checkout to get 15% off on your first order at www.happymammoth.com Sono Bello: Schedule your FREE consultation today at www.sonobello.com/BIBLE This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp: Visit www.betterhelp.com/BITCHBIBLE today to get 10% off your first month

Jackie hath sold her soul and is living for the lights! She discusses her latest motherhood fecal altercation, takes issue with Jess Glynne and gets ready for her Parisian gallivant! Thank you for supporting my sponsors! Honeylove: Get 20% OFF @honeylove by going to www.honeylove.com/Bible #honeylovepod 

Jackie hits a low point by way of flaming hot cheetohs and a drive thru frappucino. She also breaks down toxic human narratives, the time Andrew found mold in her car and why broccolini is the new hot makeup brush!

Jackie recaps her Valentines Day plan, Andrew's birthday party, motherhood musings, Beyonce's new country music venture and justice for Kelly Rowland!

Jackie has her first experience with shrooms by proxy at a Homegoods, recaps the Superbowl (yay sports) and reveals why she should probably have been sent to a juvenile detention center.       

Jackie recaps the Grammy awards, gives some Handy Andy updates and debriefs on Pookie's problematic past!       

Jackie finds her new favorite influencer, shares her own personal Make A Wish Foundation experience that will land her in a utility closet at Paris Fashion Week and discusses her latest mother of the year ventures!

Jackie has a traumatizing experience at her local market that ends in tamiflu tears. We also unpack Aritzia (like why), how not to behave at a breakfast brunch and why raffia is never a good idea.

Jackie has another altercation with Grandma Gloria, discusses mob wife aesthetic, recaps the toxic desire for relevancy a la Monika from Real Housewives and discusses her childhood lesbian allyship.

Jackie is back from the Bahamas and recaps being a hands off mother abroad, makes fun of influencers (shocker), talks Golden Globes, RHOSLC finale theories and why social media hiatus' announcements are tricky.       

Jackie brings in the New Year with a marital update after Andrew leaves Jackie to fend for herself as a single mother during Christmas, starts beef with Sydney Sweeney and provides a lengthy list of what's in and what's out for 2024.       

Jackie s fighting for her life and marriage before the holidays. She almost enters a cabernet crime scene, gets attacked by a bat and is on the brink of a divorce. Happy holidays!

Jackie enters the holiday season with marital tension after her husband refuses to write her a new pop song. She also recaps her Bravocon adjacent hanukkah party, her psychological handbag theory and explains why you need to Amazon Prime a spray bottle.

Jackie is guiding light for the LGBTQIA+ community, has an awkward confrontation at a furniture outlet, slings some lukewarm takes on this weeks celebrity gossip and decides that Balenciaga is officially over.      

Jackie uncovers some extremely problematic home videos and would like to take ownership and apologize to her community. We also go over the Goop gift guide, her recent trip (s) to Target and her future rendezvous with Leo Dicaprio.

Jackie is a patron of the arts and goes to a film screening, gives tips on how to be toxic this holiday season, reprimands Caitlyn Jenner for being problematic and deals with her son being a Kanye West fan.       

Jackie sits down with Madi Murphy from the Bad Broadcast to talk about Mormonism, embarrassing wedding behavior and the girls offer a stunning vocal performance!

Jackie recaps Bravocon happenings, how to evict a gerbil from your rectum, plays charades with Grandma Gloria and answers some listener burning questions.      

Jackie gets cancelled for appropriating appetizers, discusses celebrity Halloween lewks, tries to nurture her own telekinesis and discusses group socialization etiquette!

Jackie almost becomes a monk,stalks Beverley Mitchell and buys fake designer sunglasses from the dark web.

Jackie has an actual psychotic break after a long day with her grandmother, husband and screaming baby. After getting into a wardrobe altercation with her sister, leaving her Grandma on the side of PCH and almost lighting her husband's hair on fire... Jackie hath hit her limit and ends the episode crying about scrunchies. Have a great day.

Jackie discusses the atrocities going on in Israel, why we should cancel that bitch Goldilocks, rude celebrities and explores problematic Halloween lewks!

Jackie talks about internal happiness, recaps Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, the time she was a death doula on a plane and Handy Andy makes a lackluster appearance!

Jackie celebrates Yom Kippur by not atoning because she is perfect. She talks about Olivia Rodrigo, kegels, antisemitism and how to not be so annoying on the internet.

Jackie gets baby shamed by a woman named Trish, threatens legal action against the Anne Frank musical headed to Broadway, addresses Shannon Beadors legal trouble and tackles the homeless crisis.

Jackie dreams of Cheryl carving pumpkins, teaches you how to get more by doing less, the dangers of microbangs and has a new suburban nemesis.

Jackie thinks about starting a fictitious feud with other podcasters and realizes the grass is actually greener on the other side of motherhood. We recap RHONY, Joe Jonas' marriage (not really) and welcome a new Olsen sister to her undercarriage.

Jackie is back from maternity leave and discussing the Rachel/Bethenny interview, preparing her home for a visit from Child Protective Services, has a special Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen guest appearance and issues an apology to Emrata.      

Jackie ventures into uncharted waters by doing an "ask me anything" episode to strengthen her connection to her community!

It's Leo season and Jackie is joined by her morally bankrupt best friend Max to discuss all the things (literally can't remember what the hell we talked about but I am assuming it's chaotic and offensive) so grab your cigarettes and birth control and enjoy!

Jackie sits down with friend Stassi Schroeder to discuss motherhood, cancellations and Mormon candle culture.

Jackie is still in postpartum diapers and giving all the dirty details about the birth of her son. Starting with an alleged cease and desist and ending with an infant wedding celebration.Jackie is still in postpartum diapers and giving all the dirty details about the birth of her son. Starting with an alleged cease and desist and ending with an infant wedding celebration.

Jackie is joined by her babies godmother Max Bronner. I can't really remember what we talked about but I am sure it's very offensive and for that we half heartedly apologize!

Jackie has not given birth yet and verbally assaults her audience on the tail end of this 40 year pregnancy. She also disccuses Kardashian drama, Drake's Birkin collection and why Julianne Hough might be terrorizing her by way of edible arrangement. 

Jackie gets fisted both medically and metaphorically in the last week of her pregnancy enduring a plumbing crisis, an emotional journey to TJ Maxx a la Bethenny Frankel and various undercarriage catastrophes.

Jackie celebrates the Fourth of July by sharing all the things she hates about our country and its patrons! Including but not limited to: Target, Mother Nature, "Quiet Luxury" and Jennifer Lopez's alcoholic beverage line.

Jackie has hemorrhoids, new psychological warfare tips and a not so sunny disposition as she enters the final days of her pregnancy. She covers "The Idol", mourns the Titanic excursion gone wrong and her most recent gripes with Instagram.

Jackie is on reserve fuel and using her final battery percentage to assasinate martini reels, the new feminist agenda, being haunted by her dead mother, broken childhood dreams and problematic Halloween costume ideas from the past.

Jackie is struggling in the final moments of her pregnancy. She recaps the final Vanderpump Rules reunion, her most recent parking lot verbal altercation and channels Bethenny Frankel in a very off brand moment of sharing her current favorite things! Cue the anal leakage.

Jackie dedicates this episode and the entirety of its offensive contents to the gays. She recaps her babymoon, close encounter with Beverley Mitchell and her sexual future with Matty Healy!

Jackie is once again alone and miserable in her last weeks of pregnancy alienating the masses by talking about body dysmorphia, objectifying her unborn baby and recapping Succession and Vanderpump Rules all whilst trying not to murder her pear shaped husband.

Jackie deep dives Bethenny Frankel's social media decisions, romanticizes throwing phones at people and gives some unpopular pregnancy updates.

Jackie psychoanalyzes the Vanderpump Rules finale, Taylor Swift and Matt Healy's relationship and pays homage to rough parenting skills.

Jackie is back from a home reno 5150 and ready to get cancelled! She recounts Grandma Gloria almost being abducted, her new problematic event planning business and why Mindy Kaling should stop hiking ASAP.

Jackie is dealing with pregnancy body shaming after a verbally abusive "masseuse" objectifies her. She also deals with her on again off again stalker, runs into CHERYL, gives a fun diabetic update and covers Met Gala fashion!

Jackie survived therapy camp and proves to show little to no growth. She breaks down the psychology behind the Sofia Richie wedding hype, makes a strong case for child labor and how to convince your significant other that you don't gp number two.

Jackie is away at therapy camp and decides to go out with a bang. She discovers ground beef under her breasts, has a pedicure emergency with Grandma Gloria and reflects on a problematic science project.

Jackie is getting ready for her therapy retreat and for one final purge decides to cancel the Dalai Lama, make a case for consensual beastiality and why we should rebrand slut shaming! She hath risen!

Jackie has a setback in her blissful pregnancy and considers leaving her marriage to be a single mother feasting on innocent souls and artichoke hearts. 

Jackie warns listeners of the aesthetic hazards of watching "Daisy Jones and The Six", makes a strong case for Eucalypts girlies and explains why her and Andrew almost got divorced over his latest failed home repair. 

Jackie answers some listener questions, talks about her vagina falling out of her leotard at her sister's wedding and how to instill boundaries in this digital age of instant gratification!

Jackie survives a mold infestation and is in her new studio in her old crusty robe strategizing Raquelle Leviss' publicity crisis, deals with yet another nail salon trauma and rehabilitates after her sister's wedding weekend!

Jackie unpacks the Vanderpump Rules drama, Selena Gomez vs Hailey Bieber (kill me) and shares a low cal shirley temple recipe because she is nothing if not multidimensional. 

Jackie enters dicey pregnancy territory after ingesting a papaya salad, doubles down on her anti- Apple Watch stance and breaks down "Lucky Girl Syndrome" with some actual authority. 

Jackie is joined by her best friend and life partner Max Bronner to discuss raising children, why wearing an Apple watch to a wedding is a death sentence and a myriad of other deeply unflattering and offensive context. This episode is dedicated to Mindy Benet Bronner. 

Jackie spreads more toxic negativity with public hatred for "Hollywood Glam" home decor, loser baby clothes, Valentines day theatrics, her latest Bling Ring baby heist and superbowl recap!   

Jackie reveals the gender of her demon seed, champions Child Labor Laws, recaps the Grammy Awards and advises Pamela Anderson on her eyebrows.

Jackie almost has a euphoric encounter with a Mormon but unstead gets sold solar panels after witnessing a geriatric woman being dragged by a great dane. She also discusses "Vanilla Girl" aesthetic trends and the altercation between Caroline Manzo and Brandi Glanville.         

Jackie delivers a moving poem to Lenny Hochstein, explains how she ended up at a real housewives shabbat dinner and ruins any chance of being invited to Tulum with Selena Gomez. 

Jackie has been keeping a secret and is with child. She blames "hormones" while she alienates most of her audience by eviscerating women on the internet, organizing a march to exterminate birdlife and recaps some general pop culture happenings.   

After a week long sabbatical Jackie is back just in time for some New Years perspective to discourage you and remind you that change is not in your future. She shares why all the recap reels trigger her to a time she bled on a futon at Living Spaces and why tapeworms are your only hope.

Jackie accidentally ingests aluminum foil, has a come to Jesus moment over a 1 star review, has another psychotic break about why she can't get guests and deep dives Jen Shah's counterfeit bags.

Jackie addresses "hard boiled egg girls", why headbands are the devil, Harry and Megan and the White Lotus finale!

Jackie embraces the holiday season and celebrates the freeing element of hate in all forms. She talks about why hair accessories trigger her, petty bitches, Balenciaga, Kanye's latest rant and her one sided beef with Megan Markle.

Jackie enters the holiday season with a bang. She is tackling Balenciaga, tufted furniture, and everything else in her fraudulently festive wake. Grab your jingle balls and buckle up this episode is a RIDE.

Jackie enters the holiday season with tips on how not to embarrass yourself, discusses some Katink fashion philosophies and how she broke up Harry and Olivia.

Jackie recaps her Harry Styles experience, reflects on why people hate her and dodges pink eye from Grandma Gloria   

After collosally fucking up her pre-recorded episode Jackie shows the integrity of a true professional by freeballing a new episode all in the pursuit of quality control. She talks home decor, Selena Gomez and gives an exciting holiday update on friend of the show Cheryl!

Jackie has a psychotic break after trying to help write music for local small businesses, has a stroke at Jennifer Lopez's home decor and offers Beverley Mitchell an open cash reward to come appear on the show.

Jackie recaps her journey to Anaheim, reviews Taylor Swift's new album and gives you some do's and don'ts for Halloween! 

Jackie reminisces on her old neighbor Cheryl, makes a case for child labor and dissects housewives fashion and her first time pretending to do cocaine!   

Jackie and new friend Ali Kolbert enter an ever timely conversation on feminist issues, fronting the homeless crisis, self esteem and scissoring!

Jackie discusses fetishizing, her recap of "Don't Worry Darling", donating her eggs and why she stands with Kathy Hilton.

Jackie celebrates the Jewish New Year by repenting for her sins and making amends to the woman she sabotaged at the Gucci outlet. She also recaps her family discussing her abortion at Rosh Hashanah and why her and Andrew may move to China. L'chaim!   

Jackie is back from Paris and breaks down her trip including the time she lost the opportunity to be a Princess and get a Birkin bag, pays homage to Leonardo Dicaprio and how to cast a love spell with period blood. The range!

Jackie fantasizes about Michael Buble retiring, chats FASHION WEEK, gives a PSA on sex trafficking and breaks down the psychological trauma of the "Don't Worry Darling" press tour. 

Jackie gets conflict free hair extensions, shares her Paris travel guide and has a sexual experience with a car salesman!

Jackie tackles some new wellness trends, breaks down her perfect day, makes a spiritual connection with a bird and explains "Universal Reverse Psychology".

Jackie recaps a traumatic trip to the nail salon with her Grandma Gloria who is in the desperate pursuit of Hailey Bieber nails, puts a kibosh on the fall harvest spirit and has dinner with Jimmy Kimmel!

Jackie shares a traumatic story of losing an overpriced midi dress on the 101 freeway whilst transporting wood, deep dives Taylor Swift lesbian fan fiction and teaches yoy how to make a buttermilk brined fried chicken! It's called RANGE.

Jackie has a few home renovation setbacks, discusses the Kim Kardashian and Pete Davidson break up (oy vey), the time she robbed Jennifer Lawrence and her philanthropic bridal modeling campaign! 

Jackie pulls a full Winona Ryder at her latest funeral fashion show, gives marital tips on how to keep it spicy, and harnesses her inner Pocahontas!

Jackie issues a public apology, shares her rough start to Leo season and how she made contact with her dead mom. 

Jackie explains why Michael Buble has ruined her entire life, how to find self worth at the Home Depot and what to do when you find your husband playing guitar whilst defecating.

Jackie goes on a pre-Leo season bender and drops a new Halloween precautionary song for the kiddos, Jen Shah arrest, her newest act of philanthropy and why Emrata should hold off on her second book. This episode is psychotic and you are welcome. 

Jackie updates you on her Italian parasite, Leo season energy, Julianne Hough and her alleged tampon disposal and other legally dicey terrain.

Jackie is back from Italy with memories and an alleged tapeworm. She has a rare honest moment of feminism, recaps her travels abroad, her altercation with Peta and why cookie cutters should be illegal. 

Jackie answers listener questions and offers verbally abusive misguided life advice! Because maybe everything is actually all your own fault. 

Jackie is joined by her sister to reminisce on problematic child behavior, Alex McCord and a bunch of other shit Jackie can't remember because she doesn't use an outline.

Jackie recovers from Covid and shares her new funky way of detracting birds, cries during home renovations, Britney Spears wedding coverage and also justice for Sutton Stracke!

Jackie gets coronavirus for the second time and fights for her life with a real time alien encounter. Please send Zinc and Demi Lovato.