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Zenbehavior is a podcast about the art of becoming the person who can build the life she actually wants. Hosted by Chinecherem Udegbunam, also known as zenstateofmindwriter—a writer, speaker, and founder of New You Lab, a space for women to reinvent themselves and learn to become the experience they want to have. She also writes The Game W/ zenstateofmindwriter, a newsletter on Substack about the psychology of desire—sex, love, money, ambition, and everything in between. Zenbehavior explores the ideas, behaviors, and uncomfortable truths that help you become more self-possessed, ambitious, discerning, and free. We talk about the things that shape the quality of your life—love, sex, money, friendship, family, work, ambition, desire, standards, power, identity, and the rules you’ve inherited without ever deciding whether you wanted them. This is not a podcast about becoming a better-behaved person. It’s about becoming more conscious of the game you’re playing, understanding why you play it, and deciding what you want to do from there. If you’re interested in thinking for yourself, wanting more from life, and developing the nerve and competence to actually go after it, you’ll probably find something here worth keeping. For collaborations, questions, guest inquiries, or just to say hello: hello@zenstateofmindwriter.com
- 157 - #154. Date like a Man
What changes when you stop dating to be chosen and start dating with your own interests in mind? In this episode, we’re talking about dating like a man. Less fantasy, less overinvestment, more fun. Because dating should be an experience you enjoy, not a performance you give to earn someone’s affection.
Sat, 24 Oct 2026 - 52min - 156 - #153. How to stop being Nice
Nice has become another word for afraid, overavailable, conflict-avoidant, and desperate to be liked.
You’ll learn how to disappoint people without collapsing into guilt, say no without writing an essay, stop performing warmth for people who haven’t earned access to you, and become comfortable with being misunderstood.
Because the goal is to become a woman whose kindness is a choice, not a reflex.
Thu, 01 Oct 2026 - 40min - 155 - #152. Why Detaching is so hard. And how to actually do it.
You know you need to let go. So why the fuck is detachment so hard?
In this episode, we’re getting into the why and what actually has to change for you to detach.
You’ll learn how to stop chasing closure, interrupt obsessive thought loops, tolerate uncertainty, withdraw your attention without becoming cold, and redirect your energy back into your own life.
Because real detachment isn’t pretending you don’t care.
It’s caring without handing someone else the remote control to your peace.
Wed, 16 Sep 2026 - 42min - 154 - #151. How to Fuck to Imprint
Some people have sex with you and become a memory. Others become a reference point. You’re learning to be the second for other people.
In this episode, we’re talking about the psychology of unforgettable sex—what makes an intimate experience linger long after the physical moment is over, and why chemistry alone isn’t always what creates that effect.
Wed, 16 Sep 2026 - 49min - 153 - #150. How to Stop Hating Men after being hurt so muchWed, 16 Sep 2026 - 43min
- 152 - #149. How to Unfuck Your life in 7 days!
You don’t need a new personality. You need to stop doing the things that keep fucking up your life.
In this episode, we’re doing a reset.
Just seven days of deliberate decisions that force you back into the driver’s seat.
If you’ve been feeling stuck, scattered, underwhelmed, emotionally messy, or simply tired of your own patterns, start here.
Your life doesn’t need another promise.
It needs a fucking intervention.
Wed, 16 Sep 2026 - 27min - 151 - #148. Money (the only boundary that doesn’t need anyone’s cooperation)Wed, 12 Aug 2026 - 30min
- 150 - #147. How to stop self sabotaging
Sometimes you’re not stuck because you don’t know what to do. You’re stuck because some part of you has learned to feel safer in the familiar—even when the familiar is keeping you small.
In this episode, we’re getting underneath self-sabotage: the procrastination, inconsistency, overthinking, disappearing when things start working, choosing what feels familiar over what you actually want, and quietly finding ways to ruin the things you prayed for.
We’ll look at why you keep doing things you know are against your own interests, what your self-sabotage is actually protecting you from, and how to stop fighting yourself every time your life starts changing.
Because sometimes the hardest person to convince that you deserve a different life is you.
Wed, 12 Aug 2026 - 38min - 149 - #146. The Art of FuckingThu, 09 Jul 2026 - 36min
- 148 - #145. Practice DetachmentFri, 26 Jun 2026 - 23min
- 147 - #144. Master SelfishnessThu, 25 Jun 2026 - 49min
- 146 - #143. Master seduction
Most people think seduction begins in the bedroom. It doesn’t. It begins in the mind. In this episode, you’ll learn why some people command attention effortlessly while others are constantly overlooked—and how to cultivate the kind of presence that’s impossible to ignore. This episode is simply about becoming someone people feel before they fully understand.
Thu, 25 Jun 2026 - 1h 16min - 145 - #142. How to not lose hope in love and life when you have standards pt 2Fri, 08 May 2026 - 1h 23min
- 144 - #141. How to build sexual confidence from scratchSun, 08 Mar 2026 - 46min
- 143 - #140. How to heal and level the fuck upSun, 08 Mar 2026 - 1h 01min
- 142 - #139. how to make anyone obsessed with you + how to reverse obsession on someoneSat, 07 Mar 2026 - 1h 00min
- 141 - #138. You are the niche: How to monetize yourselfFri, 06 Mar 2026 - 59min
- 140 - #137. How to not lose hope in love and life (when you have standards) part 1Wed, 25 Feb 2026 - 27min
- 139 - #136. If you want better sex in 2026…Sun, 01 Feb 2026 - 29min
- 138 - #135. How to fuck your way to the topTue, 27 Jan 2026 - 56min
- 137 - 134. Next year doesn’t need a new you. It needs the real youTue, 09 Dec 2025 - 1h 01min
- 136 - #133. Confidence is EvidenceMon, 01 Dec 2025 - 10min
- 135 - #132. How to be properly fucked & how to be the best fuckSun, 30 Nov 2025 - 41min
- 134 - #131. The art of emotional self defenseWed, 26 Nov 2025 - 25min
- 133 - #130. Reinvent yourself (the effective way)Sun, 23 Nov 2025 - 33min
- 132 - #129. Let people be who they areSat, 15 Nov 2025 - 21min
- 131 - #128. How to be emotionally available without being emotionally dependentSat, 15 Nov 2025 - 20min
- 130 - #127. Power Games in Relationships: Who Leads, Who Submits, and Why Control Is Never EqualSun, 02 Nov 2025 - 15min
- 129 - #126. Bite off more than you can chewSat, 13 Sep 2025 - 24min
- 128 - #125. Fvcked Right part 3Mon, 01 Sep 2025 - 52min
- 127 - #124. Delusion & AudacityWed, 13 Aug 2025 - 53min
- 126 - #123. The Power of IdentityMon, 04 Aug 2025 - 34min
- 125 - #122. How to undo. The basics of foreplaySun, 20 Jul 2025 - 26min
- 124 - #121. how manifestation works.
Take full ownership of your life. This episode is from my Reset Program class. If you’re not in the Reset Program, you’re missing out… Access is for women only — click here to join:
👆🏾 This program gives you access to 14 lessons and practical exercises that actually work. You’ll be able to reach me directly (to share your concerns, ask questions, and get support). Plus, you get lifetime access to all future content drops and a community of women who share your interests.
Sat, 12 Jul 2025 - 30min - 123 - #120. the psychology behind names. and why you should name things firstFri, 11 Jul 2025 - 11min
- 122 - #119. emptying my drafts. gym. real talk. sex & cookingWed, 09 Jul 2025 - 27min
- 121 - #118. How to Be Invaluable: Sex. Love. Career. Life.Mon, 07 Jul 2025 - 33min
- 120 - #117. Listening as a strategy in the game of powerWed, 18 Jun 2025 - 49min
- 119 - #116. The Physics of surrenderTue, 03 Jun 2025 - 24min
- 118 - #115. How to turn your sexy back onSun, 01 Jun 2025 - 19min
- 117 - #114. How To Become a High Value DrugMon, 26 May 2025 - 30min
- 116 - #113 How to become a lifestyle, not just a LoverSat, 24 May 2025 - 52min
- 115 - #112. How to be Fvcked Right. (II)Wed, 14 May 2025 - 54min
- 114 - #111. How To be fvcked Right (I)Thu, 01 May 2025 - 36min
- 113 - #110 Healing Isn’t Soft: It’s Bloody, Boring, and Brutally Honest
This episode is all about healing. Tune in and share the love
To join my reset program, register here:
https://paystack.com/buy/14-days-reset-program-
Thu, 17 Apr 2025 - 21min - 112 - #109. Mess. Fail So Hard That Failure Hates to See You Coming—And Then Win.Thu, 10 Apr 2025 - 31min
- 111 - #108 WHEN THE WORLD TURNS ON YOU—TURN INTO THE STORMThu, 10 Apr 2025 - 13min
- 110 - #107 Your ‘Personality’ Is Just Trauma You’ve Decided to Keep
Hi there,
In this episode, we’re going to break down how most of what we call “our personality” is actually just trauma we’ve carried for so long that we think it’s who we are. And more importantly, we’re going to talk about how to unbecome the version of you that was built for survival—so you can meet the real you.
Tune in and share the love 💕
Thu, 03 Apr 2025 - 19min - 109 - #106 You’ll Never Feel Safe in Love Until You’re Willing to Lose ItThu, 03 Apr 2025 - 32min
- 108 - #105 Why we manifest the Negative fasterMon, 24 Mar 2025 - 18min
- 107 - #104 How to Break Generational cyclesMon, 24 Mar 2025 - 34min
- 106 - #103. You don’t want power? Liar.Wed, 19 Feb 2025 - 13min
- 105 - #102. What Your Highest Self really Looks likeWed, 19 Feb 2025 - 12min
- 104 - #101. 2025: This is How You Take ControlTue, 28 Jan 2025 - 20min
- 103 - The 100th episode! Answering your questions
Season finale of ZenBehavior—answering your most compelling questions on keeping a man's interest, building real connection, and mastering the art of attraction. From deep connections to obsession, this episode goes into the strategies, the psychology, and the energy it takes.
Catch insights that just might shift your perspective.
Tune in, grow with me, and let's end this season strong. And don't miss my upcoming live session on YouTube at zenstateofmindwriter on December 1st.
Subscribe and join the journey!
Sat, 26 Oct 2024 - 1h 15min - 101 - Crafting Your Personal PhilosophyThu, 24 Oct 2024 - 47min
- 100 - Energy Management vs Time ManagementWed, 23 Oct 2024 - 24min
- 99 - The Art of Saying NoTue, 22 Oct 2024 - 12min
- 98 - Emotional Independence. Self work & Self cleansing. SisterhoodTue, 22 Oct 2024 - 53min
- 97 - The Power of MinimalismTue, 08 Oct 2024 - 21min
- 96 - Transmutation of Sex EnergyTue, 08 Oct 2024 - 34min
- 95 - The Psychology of moneyFri, 04 Oct 2024 - 28min
- 94 - Subtle seduction. Presence. Aura. The underlying energyFri, 04 Oct 2024 - 47min
- 93 - The Psychology of Power in Seduction: Who’s Really in Control?Mon, 30 Sep 2024 - 12min
- 92 - Deconstructing the Self: Reimagining Identity Through Creative Expression.Sat, 28 Sep 2024 - 1h 00min
- 91 - Your Subconscious Mind is powerful. Hypnosis. DreamsFri, 27 Sep 2024 - 36min
- 90 - Inner Chaos & Discomfort; how to embrace it for successThu, 19 Sep 2024 - 1h 00min
- 89 - The Shadow SelfTue, 17 Sep 2024 - 52min
- 88 - Checking inTue, 10 Sep 2024 - 02min
- 87 - The Paradox of Control: The art of letting goMon, 09 Sep 2024 - 24min
- 86 - Beyond Positive Thinking: emotional alchemyFri, 06 Sep 2024 - 19min
- 85 - The Power of SolitudeWed, 04 Sep 2024 - 25min
- 84 - The Art of Doing Nothing. Happy September!Sun, 01 Sep 2024 - 14min
- 83 - August last wordsSat, 31 Aug 2024 - 06min
- 82 - state of mindWed, 21 Aug 2024 - 14min
- 81 - Self loveSun, 18 Aug 2024 - 18min
- 80 - Stick with ItSun, 18 Aug 2024 - 08min
- 79 - Start moving correctlySun, 18 Aug 2024 - 16min
- 78 - StoppppMon, 12 Aug 2024 - 07min
- 77 - How to get out of a rutMon, 12 Aug 2024 - 35min
- 76 - Being a bad ass…Sat, 10 Aug 2024 - 10min
- 74 - Don’t stop till you’re proudThu, 08 Aug 2024 - 25min
- 73 - Burnt out not lazy
You ever felt tired ? Or tired of being zapped out but can’t figure what the heck is going on? Tune in and join the conversation💕
Mon, 29 Jul 2024 - 16min - 72 - You can’t cheat the Process
The Process of building can’t be cheated. The outcome of growth or any kind of transformation requires a journey, a process… tune in and share your thoughts 📌
Sun, 28 Jul 2024 - 15min - 71 - The Real Glow upSat, 27 Jul 2024 - 14min
- 70 - Emotional Maturity IIFri, 26 Jul 2024 - 18min
- 69 - Emotional Maturity IFri, 26 Jul 2024 - 57min
- 68 - self sufficiency as an important life skill
What is self-sufficiency? Adaptability? What does it mean to adopt the practice of being there for yourself, and why is it necessary? Tune in and share the love!
Thu, 18 Jul 2024 - 58min - 67 - The Rudest Book Ever : Gangstaphilosopher
This book, The Rudest Book Ever by S. Gangwar, offers deep insights into the journey of personal growth, how to think critically, and question societal expectations. Tune in and enjoy!
Wed, 17 Jul 2024 - 32min - 66 - The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: Mark Manson
Have you read the book? Can you count the number of f's you've given in your entire life, and how many were worth it? Tune in and enjoy. Don't forget to follow, leave a rating, and review!
Wed, 17 Jul 2024 - 37min - 65 - PeaceWed, 17 Jul 2024 - 52min
- 64 - the 3 laws; law of assumption, law of attraction, law of association
Happy New Month! This episode is discussing 3 laws—law of attraction, law of assumption, law of association—and how they can potentially change your life for good. Tune in & don’t forget to share the love! 💕
Thu, 04 Jul 2024 - 35min - 63 - What Have You Been Up to?
In this episode we are discussing a few aspects of personal growth that are important to personal wellbeing. Tune in and don’t forget to leave us a review, a rating and a follow!
Sun, 30 Jun 2024 - 25min - 62 - How to Detach.
In this episode we are discussing the subtle art of emotional detachment for personal growth. Tune in and enjoy!
Thu, 20 Jun 2024 - 13min - 61 - Sexual Compatibility vs Sexual Chemistry. How to build a healthier relationship beyond the sex
In this episode we are discussing sexual chemistry and sexual compatibility, and highlighting how to cultivate a healthier relationship beyond the bedroom
Mon, 17 Jun 2024 - 21min - 60 - Feminism. Am I a feminist? Are you? My idea of Feminism
What is feminism? What does it mean? In this episode we’re discussing all of that! Ensure you share the love!
Sun, 16 Jun 2024 - 35min - 59 - Forgiveness
In this episode we are discussing the topic of forgiveness, what it is and why it is necessary for growth. Tune in and don’t forget to share the love!
Sun, 16 Jun 2024 - 09min - 58 - Self-love and emotional regulation as important aspects of personal growth and relationships
In this episode, we discuss self-love and emotional regulation, and the importance of each for personal growth and relationships. Tune in and share the love!
Sun, 16 Jun 2024 - 23min - 57 - My definition of Sexy. Are you a sexy woman? Get in here!!!
In this episode we discuss some interesting things around the word “sexy”. Tune in and share your own version of sexy!
Thu, 06 Jun 2024 - 13min - 56 - Disappointing Affirmations by Dave Tarnowski.Wed, 05 Jun 2024 - 19min
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