Faith & Feelings

What does emotional safety actually look like in real life? 

We use that language all the time — “I don’t feel safe” — but it often holds a wide range of experiences, from true relational harm to simple discomfort or vulnerability. In this episode, we slow that phrase down and explore the difference. Drawing on insights from author and psychiatrist Curt Thompson, we unpack why emotional safety isn’t about always feeling calm or at ease, but about the ability to stay connected, even in moments of tension, uncertainty, or emotional exposure.

We also walk through six signs of emotional safety in friendships. If you’ve ever wondered what emotional safety actually looks like in real life, not just in theory, this episode will help you name it, recognize it, and move toward it. I hope you’ll listen in.

Thought-provoking quotes: 

“We often collapse a whole spectrum of emotional experiences into the word ‘unsafe,’ and when we do that, we lose clarity about what’s actually happening inside us.” - Taylor Joy Murray

“Safety is not the absence of activation. It’s the presence of connection inside it: the ability to stay with yourself and with someone else, even when what you’re feeling isn’t calm or easy.” - Taylor Joy Murray

Key words:

emotional safety, relationships, friendship, connection, conflict, vulnerability, attachment, self-awareness, Curt Thompson, confidence, growth, trust, intimacy, emotions, listening, honesty

The depth of our relationships is often shaped by the depth of our communication. Not just what we say, but how we say it...and even more than that, why we say it.

Communication isn’t just a skill we learn. it’s something that’s been formed in us. Through our stories, our families, our attachment, the environments that shaped us long before we had language for any of it.

In today’s conversation, I’m joined by therapist and author Jason VanRuler to explore the different communication patterns we tend to fall into, how those patterns are formed, and what it looks like to grow in self-awareness so that our friendships can actually deepen. We also talk about hard conversations: why they matter, why they’re so difficult, and how learning to step into them can become one of the most meaningful pathways to connection. I hope you'll listen in.

Check out Jason's new book Discovering Your Communication Type⁠here⁠.

Thought-provoking quotes:

“Our ability to have relationships hangs on our ability to communicate.” - Jason VanRuler

“Some of us are starters in relationships, and some of us are sustainers...but lasting relationships require depth. Depth requires self-awareness, and the ability to understand where someone else is coming from.” - Jason VanRuler

“A good communicator understands themselves. A great communicator understands other people.” - Jason VanRuler

Key words:

communication, relationships, friendship, connection, conflict, vulnerability, attachment, self-awareness, communication styles, communication patterns, growth, trust, intimacy, emotions, listening, honesty, Jason VanRuler

Vulnerability is often talked about as openness, but what if it’s actually about capacity?

In this episode, we continue our series on friendships by exploring what it really takes to share our inner world with one another in a meaningful way.

Drawing from Dr. David Schnarch’s work on the Four Points of Balance, we look at vulnerability not just as something we do, but as something we practice within relationship. From developing a Solid Flexible Self, to cultivating a Quiet Mind & Calm Heart, to practicing Grounded Responding and Meaningful Endurance, this episode unpacks how we stay rooted in ourselves while building deeper, more honest friendships.

I invite us to rethink vulnerability, not as raw exposure, but as a lived, relational balance that shapes the way we show up in our friendships.

Thought-provoking quotes:

“For every one of us, vulnerability has told a story in our lives...not always directly, but through our experiences. Through the moments we’ve shared something real, and how those moments were received.” - Taylor Joy Murray

“We all carry an inner world: a rich, complex web of thoughts, feelings, and experiences that shapes who we are. But expressing that inner world, learning how to put it into words and share it with someone else, takes time and practice.” - Taylor Joy Murray

“Vulnerability isn’t just about being open. It’s about being present. It’s about staying connected to yourself while also staying connected to someone else.” - Taylor Joy Murray

Key words:

friendship, authentic relationships, emotional safety, community, vulnerability, loneliness, connection, intimacy, curiosity, authenticity, personal growth, spiritual formation, courage, compassion, self-awareness

How do we actually cultivate deeper friendships? The kind where we don’t have to perform, hide, or carry the weight of our lives alone?

In this episode, we begin a new series on soul friendships: relationships marked by honesty, presence, and a shared attentiveness to God’s work in our lives. But before we talk about how to build them, we start with something more honest: the tension so many of us feel between our longing to be known and our instinct to hide.

We also unpack what soul friendships really are, where the idea comes from, and the key markers that set them apart…from authenticity and openness to a lack of agenda and a shared curiosity about where God is at work. These kinds of friendships don’t just support our lives. They shape them. And they become spaces where we are seen, formed, and invited into deeper connection with both God and others.

Thought-provoking quotes:

“Love doesn’t actually allow for that kind of hiding. Love invites our whole selves and our whole stories out into the light.” - Taylor Joy Murray

“We were made for spaces where the broken and the beautiful parts of our lives can be held together, without fear of being too much or not enough.” - Taylor Joy Murray

“Spiritual friendships are not built on performance, but on a kind of self-giving love that has its source in God.” - Taylor Joy Murray

“Friendship becomes a kind of relational mirror: a space where we come to know ourselves more truthfully because we are seen, reflected, and responded to by another person.” - Taylor Joy Murray

Key words:

friendship, authentic relationships, emotional safety, community, vulnerability, loneliness, connection, intimacy, curiosity, authenticity, personal growth, spiritual formation, courage, compassion, self-awareness

In this episode, I invite us into a guided time of imaginative prayer — a contemplative practice rooted in the early church mothers and fathers that helps us encounter God in a personal, embodied way.

Together, we step into a crowded home in Luke 5, where a group of friends carries someone they love to Jesus. As we enter this scene, we slow down, engage our senses, and notice what stirs within us as we witness their persistence, their love, and the vulnerability of being seen and known.

I hope you'll join me as we walk onto the scene of Luke 5:17–20, 24–26 and ask the Spirit to speak to us through this story.

Key words:

friendship, authentic relationships, emotional safety, imaginative prayer, guided reflection, vulnerability, loneliness, connection, intimacy, curiosity, authenticity, personal growth, spiritual formation, courage, compassion, self-awareness

I’ve been thinking a lot about friendship lately. Not the surface-level kind, but the kind that actually sees you. The kind that knows the messy, unedited parts of your life…and stays.

In my own life and in my work with clients, I keep noticing the same patterns: we hold back, self-edit, and worry we’re “too much.” Beneath those fears, though, is a quiet longing: to be known, understood, and truly seen.

In this new series, we’ll explore that longing and the courageous work it takes to step into deeper friendship. Through conversations with guests and reflections from my own work as a therapist, we’ll talk about vulnerability, emotional safety, and the skills that help deepen relationships.

Key words:

friendship, authentic relationships, emotional safety, vulnerability, loneliness, connection, intimacy, curiosity, authenticity, personal growth, spiritual formation, courage, compassion, self-awareness, 

Most of us learn early in life who we need to be in order to survive. We adopt roles and masks that help us belong and stay safe. But often, somewhere along the way, the soul initiates a crisis. The strategies that once worked begin to feel constricting, and we’re invited to look beneath the roles we’ve been playing.

In this final episode of our Why Does My Healing Matter? series, I explore how healing expands our awareness, creating space between reaction and response. Because healing isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about gaining the freedom to choose connection, presence, and curiosity in the moments that once pulled us back into survival.

Thought-provoking quotes: 

“Healing doesn’t happen by avoiding the things that activate us. It happens through them. The charge around the pain lessens when something different happens in the very moments that once triggered us.” - Taylor Joy Murray

“Every time someone is glad to be with you in a moment that once triggered shame or defensiveness, your nervous system learns something new: connection is safe here.” - Taylor Joy Murray

“Maybe healing is simply choosing, in small moments, to stay. To stay present in your body, to stay curious instead of certain, and to stay connected instead of cutting off.” - Taylor Joy Murray

“Most of life isn’t lived in dramatic breakthroughs. It’s lived in ordinary moments of tension: misunderstandings, disappointments, and hard conversations. And underneath those moments is a quiet question: will I move toward survival, or toward connection?” - Taylor Joy Murray

Key words:

healing, trauma, personal growth, mental health, nervous system regulation, self awareness, emotional health, spiritual formation, spirituality, identity, attachment, relationships, nervous system, emotional resilience, curiosity, crisis

Many of us go through life unaware of how our histories influence the way we relate: to God, to ourselves, and to the people closest to us. Old patterns and unresolved pain often surface in subtle ways, shaping our reactions and the ways we show up in relationships.

In this conversation, I’m joined by Pete Sharp, a family friend and missionary with over 20 years of experience in cross-cultural work and leadership. Pete shares openly about recognizing old self-strategies, stepping into real-time awareness, and letting the truth of the gospel meet the deepest parts of his story. We talk about how healing isn’t just personal. it affects marriages, friendships, and the way we engage with the world. I hope you'll listen in.

Thought-provoking quotes:

"I just kept thinking, I need to try harder. I just need to stop doing that thing. It made me realize it’s a lie to think I’m just stuck in this way of behaving and that I can’t get out of it. There might actually be a different strategy than just trying harder to be different.” - Pete Sharp

“Healing, for me, is bringing the truth of the gospel to bear on our stories and on our past experiences.” - Pete Sharp

"We all have a false gospel that we believe — a way of surviving that we learned in childhood. It’s usually something like, ‘I’m okay so long as…’ and then you fill in the blank.” - Pete Sharp

 "When we engage in healing, it frees us up to have a broad range of responses. I feel now less stuck. It just feels like there are more options in the toolbox. I don’t feel quite so trapped in always responding the same way." - Pete Sharp

Key words:

spirituality, personal growth, healing, self-protection, gospel, faith, formation, identity, attachment, shame, insecurity, marriage, leadership, community, vulnerability, triggers, patterns, growth, freedom, discipleship, self-awareness, relationships

Sometimes the places in our hearts that feel most tender are also the places we avoid looking. Rejection can leave quiet echoes, forming the way we see ourselves, the lens through which we trust others, and the story we tell about our worth. These old wounds don’t always announce themselves, but they shape how we show up in relationships and in life.

In this conversation with trauma therapist Tabitha Panariso, we explore what it looks like to heal from the wounds of rejection and begin to embody the gospel’s invitations towards belonging and belovedness. Tabitha shares how healing isn’t just about moving on, but about resuscitating the heart and learning to receive God’s compassion for ourselves. I hope you'll listen in.

Check out Tabitha's book Loyal in His Love here.

Thought-provoking quotes:

“We are not a problems to be fixed. We are people to be loved." - Tabitha Panariso

"What we often call ‘moving on’ is really just self-protection.” - Tabitha Panariso

"To be willing to say something hurts means we’re more inclined to receive healing. If we can’t acknowledge the pain, we’ll never look for wholeness.” - Tabitha Panariso

"Learning to receive compassion is one of the hardest parts of embodying the gospel.” - Tabitha Panariso

Key words:

Rejection, trauma, spiritual formation, self-compassion, abandonment wounds, relationship patterns, self-protection, belonging, identity, grief, lament, relational healing, emotional awareness, personal growth, curiosity, Tabitha Panariso 

We speak of spiritual transformation as if it should be obvious: visible, measurable, steady. Yet many of us quietly wonder what participation in God’s work of transformation actually looks like. Beneath our theology often exists a deeper question: How do I actually step into the transformation Christ has already secured?

In this episode, we explore what it means to let the finished work of Jesus move from doctrine into lived experience. If the cross is still active, still transformative, then healing is not something we manufacture. It’s something we learn to participate in. And that participation begins with awareness and presence: noticing what is happening inside us and inviting God to meet us there.

Thought-provoking quotes:

“The cross is where transformation arises. It’s the moment in time that transcends time. It moves us from death to life, from bondage to freedom, from brokenness to wholeness, from being lost to being welcomed into God’s embrace over and over again.” - Taylor Joy Murray

“Healing begins not in striving, but in noticing what is real and welcoming God into it.” - Taylor Joy Murray

 Key words:

 healing journey, presence, self compassion, curiosity, self awareness, emotional wounds, emotional regulation, spiritual formation, wisdom, spiritual integration, spiritual maturity, emotional health, personal growth

There are seasons in life when no matter how much we give, how hard we try, it feels like effort isn’t enough. The work we put into our relationships, our faith, our responsibilities meets walls we can’t move, questions we can’t answer, and pain that refuses to be ignored. In these moments, we are often confronted with the reality that pushing harder isn’t always the answer.

In this conversation with Pastor Ray Jones, he speaks honestly about the walls he has faced: in life, in ministry, in family. He reflects on seasons of anger, betrayal, and disillusionment, and how God’s invitation to healing often comes through the very places we’d rather avoid. Ray talks about the subtle ways old wounds and unprocessed grief shape our reactions, and what it means to stay present when the path forward isn’t clear, when the work of growth is painful, and when there is no quick resolution. I hope you'll listen in.

Thought-provoking quotes:

“I’ve come to recognize that God gives good gifts to His children. He’s kind and compassionate. And in His mysteriousness, He allows pain and suffering that actually works for our good. Sitting in the truth that God is a good Father…that’s been really formative for me.” - Pastor Ray Jones

“There are certain things that trigger our response. It’s like a reflex. And I’ve had to recognize, ‘This is little Ray, who got bullied as a kid, who’s got his dukes up.’ That’s not how God wants me to keep responding. And it’s very humbling.” - Pastor Ray Jones

“To run from hard things is only going to lead to more pain, not just in your life, but in the lives of the people you love. It’s hard, it hurts, it’s uncomfortable…but it’s worth it. Sit in the discomfort. Trust that God is doing a good thing in you.” - Pastor Ray Jones

 Key words:

spiritual formation, healing journey, hitting the wall, spiritual crisis, faith deconstruction, pastoral burnout, church leadership, anger, suffering, spiritual growth, faith and emotional health, grace, self-compassion, stages of faith, identity, self-awareness, personal growth, Ray Jones

There comes a moment in many of our lives when we begin to notice that the way we love has been shaped by pain we haven’t fully tended to. Old wounds resurface, familiar patterns repeat, and our unhealed places begin to influence how we show up in relationships.

In this conversation with spiritual director Barb Boatner, we explore how healing changes the way we love. Barb talks about learning to love from a place of presence rather than self-protection, and how pain doesn’t disappear when it’s avoided, but often leaks out sideways -- impacting those closest to us. She also shares why healing is not peripheral to faith, but central to spiritual formation.

Together, we reflect on how healing opens us to deeper connection: with God, with others, and with the people we love. I hope you'll listen in.

Learn more about Barb at http://sacred-companion.org/

Thought-provoking quotes:

“The way we love is shaped either by our wounds or by our healing.” - Barb Boatner

"Curiosity instead of judgment changes everything.” - Barb Boatner

“I can’t change what happened to me. But I can change how I relate to it. Healing is learning to stay with myself in kindness." - Barb Boatner

 Key words:

healing journey, befriending yourself, self compassion, curiosity, self awareness, emotional wounds, emotional regulation, spiritual formation, wisdom, spiritual integration, spiritual maturity, emotional health, personal growth, spiritual director, Barb Boatner

We live in a world that rewards speed, productivity, and quick fixes, but healing doesn’t move at that pace. The soul speaks a different language. One that is slower, messier, and far more courageous.

In this episode, we explore what it actually means to begin the healing journey — not as a linear path toward improvement, but as a winding, nonlinear process we return to again and again. Drawing from clinical experience and personal reflection, I explore four common internal responses that often arise when healing begins to stir: “It’s too hard.” “It’s not necessary.” “I don’t know how.” “It’s not possible for me.”

Rather than obstacles, these responses are compassionate entry points. Places shaped by survival, pain, and longing. This episode invites a gentler posture toward yourself and toward God: not having to be ready, but simply willing.

Thought-provoking questions:

“Healing is far messier and far more complicated than we expect. It’s nonlinear. It isn’t a single moment of breakthrough, but a spiraling journey we return to again and again throughout our lives.” - Taylor Joy Murray

“Real change only happens when we are willing to go the long way round—a longer, more arduous, more inward, and more prayerful route.” - Sue Monk Kidd

“More often than not, I’m learning that God’s presence in healing looks less like a Rescuer and more like a Midwife.” - Taylor Joy Murray

 Key words:

healing journey, befriending yourself, self compassion, curiosity, self awareness, emotional wounds, emotional regulation, spiritual formation, wisdom, spiritual integration, spiritual maturity, emotional health, personal growth

There comes a moment in many of our lives when the idea of “healing” starts to feel confusing — or even exhausting. The word we’ve heard so often begins to lose its meaning. And the hope that we’ll one day arrive at a version of ourselves that no longer hurts starts to feel out of reach.

In this episode of our new series, Why Does My Healing Matter?, we explore what healing looks like when it isn’t a destination to achieve, but a relationship to tend. We talk about the difference between fixing what’s broken and befriending the parts of ourselves shaped by pain—and why the healing we avoid is often what shows up most in our relationships. Listen in.

Thought-provoking quotes:

“Healing is the most selfless thing you can ever do for the people you love.” - Dan Allender

“When we don’t tend to our own wounds, we unconsciously ask the people we love to carry the weight of them.” - Taylor Joy Murray

“Healing isn’t about arriving at a version of yourself that no longer hurts. It’s about becoming a compassionate witness to the version of you that does.” - Taylor Joy Murray

 Key words:

healing journey, befriending yourself, self compassion, curiosity, self awareness, emotional wounds, emotional regulation, spiritual formation, wisdom, spiritual integration, spiritual maturity, emotional health, personal growth

In this episode, I invite us into a guided time of imaginative prayer — a contemplative practice rooted in the early church mothers and fathers that helps us encounter God in a personal, embodied way.

Together, we step into the Garden of Gethsemane with Jesus on the night before His crucifixion. As we enter this scene, we slow down, engage our senses, and notice what stirs within us as we witness Jesus’ honesty, sorrow, and surrender before the Father. I hope you'll join me as we walk onto the scene of Matthew 26:36-42 and ask the Spirit to speak to us through this story.

Key words:

healing journey, befriending yourself, self compassion, curiosity, self awareness, emotional wounds, emotional regulation, spiritual formation, wisdom, spiritual integration, spiritual maturity, emotional health, personal growth

There’s a question I hear often — both in the therapy room and in conversations about faith: Why does my healing matter? Why does change feel so hard, and sometimes even unnecessary? 

This week on Faith & Feelings, I invite us to explore why healing isn’t separate from spiritual formation, but one of the primary ways God’s transforming work takes shape in us. Together, we’ll reflect on how healing shapes who we’re becoming, expands our capacity for love, and changes how we show up in our relationships.

This trailer introduces our next series, “Why Does My Healing Matter?”, and invites us to get curious about our own inner lives — not as a self-improvement project, but as a response to God’s ongoing work within us.

Thought-provoking quotes:

“We do this work to become fierce, tender lovers of God, others, and ourselves.” - Mary Ellen Owen

“When we tend to our own healing, we stop unconsciously asking others to carry the weight of our unresolved pain.” - Taylor Joy Murray

"Inner work and healing are not distractions from sanctification. They are the very places where God’s redemptive work becomes concrete, relational, and embodied.” - Taylor Joy Murray

Key words:

Spiritual formation, healing, vulnerability, listening, creativity, emotions, curiosity, presence, process, courage, self-awareness, emotional health, personal growth, hope, connection, community, relationships

Today, we continue our Advent journey by stepping into Anna’s quiet yet powerful moment of worship in Luke 2:36–38. As a widow shaped by years of loss, prayer, fasting, and devotion, Anna’s eyes had been trained to recognize Jesus when He appeared in the temple. Her story invites us to consider how a life turned toward God forms our ability to truly see Him.

Drawing from Bette Dickinson’s devotional Making Room in Advent, this episode explores what it means to make room for worship — to offer our grief, longing, and faithfulness to God. Through Anna’s witness, we’re invited to see how worship clarifies our spiritual vision so that when God shows up in our own stories, we’ll recognize Him — and help others see Him too. I hope you’ll listen in.

Key words:

Advent season, spiritual formation, vulnerability, listening, creativity, emotions, curiosity, presence, process, courage, self-awareness, emotional health, personal growth, waiting, hope, connection, worship

Today, we continue our Advent journey by stepping into the shepherds’ moment of wonder in Luke 2:15–20. As they hurry to Bethlehem and behold the newborn Jesus lying in a manger, we are invited into a deeper way of seeing — one that moves beyond surface-level observation and into holy perception.

Drawing from Bette Dickinson’s devotional Making Room in Advent, we explore the difference between simply seeing with our physical eyes and truly perceiving with hearts open to awe. This episode invites us to rediscover a sense of holy astonishment this Christmas. To make room for wonder and to perceive God’s presence with fresh eyes. I hope you’ll listen in.

Key words:

Advent season, spiritual formation, vulnerability, listening, creativity, emotions, curiosity, presence, process, courage, self-awareness, emotional health, personal growth, waiting, hope, connection, wonder

Today, we continue our Advent journey by stepping into Mary’s honest moment of questioning in Luke 1:34–38. When she asks, “How will this be?” she names the real limits of her life — and yet it’s within those very limits that God chooses to work.

Drawing from Bette Dickinson’s devotional Making Room in Advent, we explore how God chooses not to bypass human limits but to work within them. In the incarnation, God takes on the constraints of our humanity and invites Mary — and us — into partnership not by asking for strength, expertise, or perfection, but by inviting simple availability. I hope you’ll listen in.

Key words:

Advent season, spiritual formation, vulnerability, listening, creativity, emotions, curiosity, presence, process, courage, self-awareness, emotional health, personal growth, waiting, hope, connection, limits

Today, we continue our Advent journey by entering a moment of profound humility in the Christmas story — a moment of divine descent. We pause with Mary as she receives Gabriel’s astonishing message in Luke 1:31–33, and we reflect on the mystery of how the Son of the Most High chose to come not in power or prestige, but in vulnerability and dependence.

Drawing from Bette Dickinson’s devotional Making Room in Advent, we consider how God’s choice to descend into our humanity reveals His heart, and how His downward movement invites us to follow in love, vulnerability, and humility. I hope you’ll listen in.

Key words:

Advent season, spiritual formation, vulnerability, listening, creativity, emotions, curiosity, presence, process, courage, self-awareness, emotional health, personal growth, waiting, hope, connection

Today, we begin our Advent journey by entering a quiet moment in the Christmas story — a moment of hiddenness and waiting. We explore Elizabeth’s five months of solitude in Luke 1:23–25 and reflect on how God used that secluded space to reshape her identity and nurture new life within her.

Drawing from Bette Dickinson’s Making Room in Advent, we consider how solitude becomes a sacred womb where God does his deepest work in us. I hope you’ll listen in.

Key words:

Advent season, spiritual formation, solitude, silence, listening, creativity, emotions, vulnerability, curiosity, presence, process, courage, self-awareness, emotional health, personal growth, waiting, hope 

Preparation for the Christmas season can often feel busy and frantic, but it doesn't have to be this way. What if we stopped and listened to the movement and unfolding of God's plan around us?

Next week on the podcast, we'll begin walking through one of favorite advent devotionals Making Room in Advent by Bette Dickinson. Today, I wanted to give us the chance to get to know her a little bit before we begin. Bette brings such wisdom and depth into this conversation. I want to invite you to take your time listening and really pondering what she offers us today. 

Bette helps us reimagine Advent not as another thing to rush through, but as an invitation to pause and make room for God’s movement in and around us. She reminds us that God often speaks in the most unlikely spaces... in Scripture and in our own lives. I hope you'll listen in.

Use the MRA25 to receive 25% off the devotional on Bette's website.

Thought-provoking quotes:

“Allowing yourself to slow down may be the greatest gift you give yourself — and the world — in this season.” - Bette Dickinson

“What would it look like to allow Jesus to grow within your soul this season — with all the aches and vulnerability that come with new birth? Even your longings and your losses are not lost on God. They can become the very place of encounter.” - Bette Dickinson

 “There’s a reason Paul says he is ‘in the pains of childbirth until Christ is formed in us.’ The journey of being transformed — of letting God grow something new within us — is vulnerable. It requires surrender. It often feels like limitation. But that is the invitation of Advent. Whether we’re carrying longing, disappointment, joy, or exhaustion, God wants to form something in us. Christ can be born in us in ways we don’t expect.” - Bette Dickinson

Key words: 

Advent devotional, Advent season, incarnation, spiritual formation, creativity, embodied faith, art, contemplative practices, breath prayers vulnerability, longing, Advent practices, slowing down, Bette Dickinson, waiting, hope, wonder

With exactly 45 days left of 2025, I thought it would be good — and honestly, necessary — to pause and get curious about our inner life as we approach the end of the year. How are we doing…really? And how are we ending this year?

In this episode, I guide us through some gentle reflection and invite us to slow down long enough to notice what’s true inside: where we are, what we’re carrying, and how our soul is meeting this moment. I hope you’ll listen in.

Thought-provoking quotes: 

"The reality of your inner life doesn’t arrive as a flashing headline, a clickbait link, or a push notification. It doesn’t announce itself with urgency. It rarely interrupts you.” - Taylor Joy Murray

“The life that wants to be lived in us exists, but it’s subtle. It’s quiet. It whispers more than it shouts. And unless we intentionally turn our ear toward it, it’s incredibly easy to miss the low tones of desire, gifting, calling, and connection that are already moving within us.” - Taylor Joy Murray

“This is what happens when God chooses to dwell with us. He unfolds in us, and we unfold in him. Advent is a gestation process. It is a season of allowing Christ to be formed in us as we also are formed in him.” - Bette Dickinson

Key words:

Advent season, spiritual formation, listening, creativity, emotions, vulnerability, curiosity, presence, year-end reflection, process, courage, self-awareness, emotional health, personal growth, waiting, hope 

As we enter the Advent season, I’ve been longing for a way to slow down. To step away from the rush of December and make a little more room for stillness and wonder. And I thought… maybe you’ve been craving that, too.

So this December, we’ll be walking through one of my all-time favorite Advent books: Making Room in Advent by Bette Dickinson.

If you’ve never read it, this book beautifully weaves together Scripture, art, and reflection in a way that helps you connect not just with the story of Jesus’ coming, but with your own story, too. Through the Advent season, we’ll journey together through the devotional, week by week, creating space to pause, to breathe, and to open our hearts to the ways God is already at work—even in the waiting.

Key words:

Advent season, devotional, Bette Dickinson, spiritual formation, creativity, emotions, vulnerability, curiosity, presence, reflection, process, courage, self-awareness, emotional health, personal growth, art, waiting, hope 

In this special three-year anniversary episode, I take time to reflect on the journey, the stories, and the conversations that shaped my book Stop Saying I’m Fine: Finding Stillness When Anxiety Screams — which released three years ago this week. From the moment I knew I was going to write the book, to the vulnerable process of putting words to my story, to the unexpected ripple effects that followed, I share what I’ve learned along the way and what has surprised me most. You’ll also hear some of my favorite messages from readers whose words have deeply moved me. This episode is an invitation to pause, to look back with gratitude, and to look forward with hope and anticipation.

Thought-provoking quotes:

"Writing can be a profound practice of spiritual formation." - Stephanie Duncan Smith

"I think that the fullness of a book’s potential emerges from a kind of spiritual communion between the soul of a writer and the Spirit of God, which extends to a similar kind of communion between the writer and reader." - Taylor Joy Murray

"As I chose to stay awake—to God and to my own soul—as I wrote, I was also stretching the creative muscles that were forming me into more of the person I wanted to be. Writing often uses the same muscles as healing: inviting us to become the kind of person who pushes back against resistance and shows up to tell the whole truth." - Taylor Joy Murray

Key words:

writing, healing, spiritual formation, creativity, mental health, anxiety, emotions, vulnerability, storytelling, creativity, curiosity, presence, reflection, process, courage, self-awareness, Stop Saying I’m Fine, emotional health, personal growth

A few months ago, I released a podcast episode where I invited listeners into a time of guided prayer called imaginative prayer—a practice that helps us encounter God in a more personal, embodied way. Since then, I’ve heard from so many listeners asking for more episodes like that one.

So today, I wanted to offer another time of guided prayer. This form of contemplative prayer dates back the early church mothers and fathers. When we engage in this kind of prayer, we use our imaginations to place ourselves within a scene from Scripture. I hope you'll join me as we walk onto the scene of Psalm 23 and ask the Spirit to speak to us through this story.

Key words:

imaginative prayer, contemplative prayer, guided prayer, Scripture meditation,  mindfulness, prayer practice, spiritual formation, self-compassion, curiosity, emotional regulation, faith and mental health, soul care practices, Christian spirituality, emotions

In this episode, I’m joined by Janice McWilliams, licensed therapist, spiritual director, and author of Restore My Soul: Reimagining Self-Care for a Sustainable Life. Janice offers a deeply grounded and compassionate approach to self-care — one modeled after the life of Jesus.

Together, we talk about what it means to care for your inner world in real time, moment by moment. True self-care, as Janice describes, isn’t about stepping away from our lives. It’s about learning to show up to our lives with more awareness and kindness. We explore how to:

Thought-provoking quotes:

“When we think of Psalm 23, we often picture rest after exhaustion, but I believe Jesus wants us to live before we collapse. He invites us to green pastures not just to recover, but to remain restored.” - Janice McWilliams

“It takes us about 45 to 90 seconds to experience an emotion from beginning to end if we’re not trying to stop it or repress it. So many people are afraid that if they start feeling something, they’ll have to hide away for a week. But really, it’s the avoidance that drains us.” - Janice McWilliams

“I want all of us to become so familiar with the voice of the Good Shepherd that we can distinguish it from every other voice in our minds. The Good Shepherd’s voice carries faith, hope, love, and peace—it doesn’t speak through worry, rumination, or despair. Those patterns might sound urgent or logical, but they aren’t the language of Jesus. His voice leads us toward gentleness and life, never toward self-condemnation or fear.” - Janice McWilliams

Key words:

Janice McWilliams, exhaustion, burnout, emotions, faith, vulnerability, emotional regulation, mental health, emotional health, personal growth, rest, spiritual formation, community, mindfulness, self-compassion, curiosity, emotional safety, self care, soul care, spiritual direction, therapy

There comes a moment in many of our lives when the faith we once held with certainty begins to shift. The language that once felt alive starts to feel distant. And the ways we used to connect with God stop working the same way.

 In this conversation with spiritual director with Grace Cabalka, we explore what it can look like to walk through a spiritual wilderness — and to not just to survive it, but to be transformed by it. Grace shares her own story of a crisis of faith, the role of community in this season of shattering, and the personal practices and postures that became good companions along the way.

Together, we talk about the slow, tender work of listening, leaning into vulnerability, and learning to make space for the mystery of God in new ways. Listen in.

Thought-provoking quotes:

"For a long time, Taylor, I couldn't read the Bible. I couldn't pray because I didn't have words. So I literally would just go get in my chair, my brown leather chair that I still have it and sit in there in the morning. And I couldn't have my quiet time. I just didn't have the tools. They were all broken. And so I just would sit there and say, Lord, I'm here." - Grace Cabalka

"My foundation wasn't as solid as I thought it was. And I didn't get wiped away, but I did crumble. And then that had to be rebuilt really on the foundation of love and acceptance, and that God is for me all the time and nothing can ever separate us from his love ever, ever, ever. And that's what drives us and motivates us. That's what Paul said. His love is what compels me. Not the guilt, not the shame, not the rules, but his love." - Grace Cabalka

"I think that there can be easier ways to get through the wilderness if you can find a hand to hold, find someone to walk with you along with the Holy Spirit. But those first few moments and days and weeks are very dark and it's very scary and it's very lonely. And I would just encourage you to just show up to those emotions, show up to yourself, and don't shame yourself for it. You've done nothing wrong." - Grace Cabalka

For centuries, Christians have wandered through wilderness seasons — walking through valleys of shadow and silence, facing loss, confusion, and what feels like divine absence.

You might not be in that place right now, but for those who are, it can feel lonely and disorienting to realize that something which once felt natural or accessible has changed — especially when that “something” feels foundational to your faith. When your old ideas about God, or faith, or the way you’ve always connected to the divine start to crack or shatter, it can feel like losing your footing entirely. But maybe, that shattering isn’t obliteration. Maybe it’s more of a breaking open for something truer, more spacious, and more real.

In this episode, I share five reflections on what I’m learning in this kind of season: I’m learning to (1) welcome wonder (2) practice presence (3) hold the tension (4) live my questions (5) let uncertainty become my teacher.

Thought-provoking quotes:

“My idea of God is not a divine idea. It has to be shattered from time to time. I’m still learning that my ideas about God are not divine.” - C.S. Lewis

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves.” - Rainer Maria Rilke

“The unknown can become both a teacher a kind of sanctuary — a place where you’re invited to listen differently. You start to notice what’s always been true but often hidden beneath the noise: that you are being held, even here.” - Taylor Joy Murray

Have you ever noticed how children live so close to themselves? Fully connected to their bodies, emotions, and tears, without the layers of shame or self-editing we often learn as we get older.

In many ways, children model what it means to be fully human. And the truth is, what kids show us is still inside of us.

In this episode, I share a simple 5-step rhythm for practicing compassionate curiosity towards your own heart—a way of remembering that childlike way of listening that opens us unto a deeper kind of transformation. It’s not a formula, but a gentle starting place for deeper reflection and attunement to what’s happening inside you.

Thought-provoking quotes:

“There are many magical things about being around kids, but one of my favorites these days is how kids often remind us what is true of all of us right from the start. Our kids come into the world knowing how to listen to their bodies.” - Hillary McBride

"A key part of soul care is reconnecting with this childlike way of listening to our bodies— and tuning in with compassion and curiosity to the life unfolding within us. It isn’t necessarily about learning something new. It’s about remembering what we already know." - Taylor Joy Murray

"This practice of compassionate attention to what’s happening within us, what we’re learning, noticing and experiencing, becomes a reminder that we’re not just moving through life—we’re becoming someone in the process." - Taylor Joy Murray

Silence always tells a story.

We’re in the middle of a podcast series on soul care, and one of the most important components of creating soul-restoring rhythms is one we often overlook: silence. But before we can embrace the gifts silence has to offer, we usually need to be honest about why we resist it.

The way I interpret silence in my own life — and the way you interpret it in yours — has a direct impact on whether we’re drawn to it or tempted to avoid it altogether. So, what story does silence tell in your life? In this episode, I share 5 reflections on the narratives we carry about silence, and why learning to befriend quiet is so essential for the care of our souls.

We were created for so much more than rushing through life.

It’s easy for everything in our lives to seem fine on the surface. But deep down inside, there’s often another story at play―one of overwhelm, stress and heartache, of finding ourselves stuck in old patterns. Rather than feeling the weight of it all, it’s easier to spend our days on autopilot, ignoring the noise inside. But what if the peace and relief we most long for comes from tuning in with what’s happening inside, instead of tuning it out?

This is what author and therapist A.C. Seiple and I explore today as we talk about her new book The Sacred Art of Slowing Down.With such gentleness, wisdom, and experience, A.C. invites us to connect with our bodies and get curious about the spaces within that feel most stuck―and find where we need safety, attunement and care. I hope you'll listen in.

Some days it can feel like life is on fast-forward, leaving our nervous systems in constant overdrive.

What does it look like to invite the whole of our being — bodies, minds, and souls — to slow down and move into a more sustainable pace of life?

In this episode, I explore small, intentional practices that can help us move from momentary relief to lasting restoration. I also share three specific shifts I’ve been experimenting with recently — simple changes that are beginning to reshape the way I engage in and experience life.

Many of us know the cycle all too well: exertion, burnout, withdrawal — and then back again.

So what do we need to help us live the way that we want to in the world for the long haul? More like Jesus and less like our typical, modern-day stressed out selves?

In this opening episode of our new series on Soul Care Practices for a Sustainable Life, I talk about the important differences between soul care and self-care. I also share some reflections from an intense season of grad school, and what I’ve been learning about the rhythms and practices we need to live well in an ongoing way.

Have you tried self-care but found that you still feel overwhelmed, anxious, depressed, and are struggling emotionally?

Too many of us – myself included – hold misconceptions or inadequate concepts of self-care, and we are suffering as a result. I’m learning that true, spiritual self-care isn’t about an occasional break. It’s about organizing our lives around the kind of rhythms that Jesus lived by: rhythms of work and rest, fast and slow. It’s learning to pay attention to what’s happening inside of us, and then making small, faithful choices in the everyday moments of life.

In our next Faith & Feeling's podcast series, we’re going to be explore what it looks like to build these kinds of soul-restoring rhythms that lead to a sustainable, fulfilling life. I’ll be joined by wise and trusted voices in the soul care and spiritual formation space, who will be sharing what they’re learning on their journey.

Dallas Willard once said, “The most important thing about us is not the decisions that we make, but the person we’re becoming.”

That brings us to the final relational skill in this series: which involves, nurturing a growing spirituality that enables us to love God and others well. This calls for an intentional, purposeful plan. To truly implement what we’ve learned over the last few months – and to reverse decades of unhealthy ways of living and operating – requires thoughtfulness.

One way to do this is by drawing on an ancient treasure from the Christian tradition called a Rule of Life. Simply put, a Rule of Life is an intentional, conscious framework for keeping God at the center of everything we do. To wrap up our series on emotionally healthy relationships, Carley and I share some rhythms and practices from our own Rules of Life, and offer practical steps for creating one of your own. Listen in.

Throughout any relationship, conflict is inevitable – and it can look different in different seasons or settings.  A core discipleship issue in the new family of Jesus is learning how to resolve conflicts maturely. Often times, Jesus’ words in Matthew 5:9 — “Blessed are the peacemakers” — are misunderstood to mean:

 But this is a tragic misinterpretation of what peacemaking really is. In this episode, Carley and I explore how Jesus modeled true peacemaking with radical and disruptive kindness – a kindness that challenged, disrupted old patterns, and called us into deeper growth. A kindness that even risked disconnection for the sake of deeper intimacy. We also talk about a few different conflict traps that are easy to fall into, and some of the keys for navigating conflict well. Listen in.

God has shaped and crafted each of us uniquely—with our own personality, thoughts, dreams, temperament, feelings, talents, gifts, and desires. Parker Palmer calls this the ‘true seeds of self,' which God has planted inside of each of us as He invites us to listen to Him and to live faithfully out of our true selves in Christ.

When we don’t live in alignment with what we truly believe, think, or feel—or when we ignore our values—we violate our integrity. Something inside of us dies when we stay silent about our values and preferences. God’s invitation is to an ongoing process of grounding our identity in His love and to learning how respectfully assert ourselves.

In this conversation, my clinical supervisor Carley and I explore a practice called climbing the ladder of integrity—a way of clarifying our values and living more fully into the person God has made us to be. Listen in.

Today’s episode is a little different. I’ve stepped away from podcasting this week to prepare for my upcoming counseling exam, but I wanted to share a quick update and one of my favorite prayers with you: “The Litany of Trust.” I can’t wait to be back with you next week!

If you’ve been following along with our series on emotionally healthy relationships, this episode really serves as a kind of anchor—or container—for all the relational skills we’ve been exploring.

In my conversation with licensed therapist Julie Honeycutt, we dive into the inner work that makes healthy connection possible. We talk about the parts of us that show up in relationships, what it looks like to slow down and turn inward, and how we can begin building trust with ourselves instead of outsourcing our own growth & healing.

It’s a conversation about reactivity, self-leadership, and the beautiful—but sometimes difficult—process of learning to show up for the wounded parts of yourself with compassion. This is definitely a note-taking episode, and I’m so grateful for Julie’s insight, and the way she beautifully balances the complexity of this inner work while still making it feel accessible. I hope you'll listen in.

Learn more about the Christian IFS Workshop on August 22-23, 2025 at Crosspoint Church in Lynchburg, VA here.

Author and theologian David Augsburger once said, “Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable.”

What it means to listen and love well can be best understood around the unfathomable mystery of the incarnation – that God took on human flesh. God knew that there was no better way to convey his love to human beings than to fully enter their world, and the life of Jesus teaches us three dynamics that characterize what it looks to incarnate in order to love people well. 

In today’s episode, my clinical supervisor Carley and I walk through each of these 3 active listening skills that can help us grow in this everyday practice of loving others well through how we listen. 

Scripture teaches that feelings are a key part of what it means to be a human being made in God’s image.

When we’re not in touch with what is going on inside us, our thoughts and feelings can feel like inner chaos. A lack of engagement with our interior worlds can cause us to miss many gifts from God. When this happens, we’re not living in reality, but in illusion or denial. And when we are not living in reality, we are not in spirituality, because the authentic spiritual life is not an escape from reality but an absolute commitment to it.

In this episode, my clinical supervisor Carley and I unpack our fourth relational skill – a simple but powerful skill for slowing down, processing our emotions, and meeting God in them. We talk about what it looks like to come alive to our feelings, and then integrate those feelings into our discernment of God’s will.

We all come into the family of Jesus carrying wounds from a broken world and imperfect families.

God’s intention is to heal us, but we must first become aware of what needs to be changed in us. In this episode, my clinical supervisor Carley Marcouillier and I talk about how discipleship involves reflecting on both the positive and negative influences of our family of origin.

This is hard work. But the extent to which we can go back and understand how our history has shaped us will determine, to a large degree, our ability to break destructive patterns and grow in love towards God and people. We also introduce our third relational skill for emotionally healthy relationships—the genogram—a practical tool for increasing self-awareness and understanding how your family story may still be shaping your present relationships.

 LINKS FROM THE EPISODE:

The stories we tell ourselves have an enormous impact on our feelings, and so often – especially in our relationships – we can tell ourselves stories that aren’t true.

Assumptions about what other people are thinking and feeling can quickly become hidden landmines in our relationships. In today’s episode, my clinical supervisor Carley Marcouillier and I unpack our second relational skill for emotionally healthy relationships. This skill has two parts to it: first, how to stop mind reading. And second, how to clarify expectations. I think you’re going to find this conversation both thought-provoking and really practical. Listen in.

If you’ve ever found yourself longing for deeper connection in your relationship but unsure how to get there, this episode is for you. 

Today, my clinical supervisor, licensed therapist Carley Marcouillier, and I kick off our Emotionally Healthy Relationships summer series by introducing a simple, practical communication skill built around five prompts: appreciations, worries & concerns, complaints & possible solutions, new information, and hopes & wishes.

These prompts create space for safety, honesty, and emotional closeness within relationships. Whether this is your first time hearing about this skill or you’re looking for a fresh way to grow, we hope this conversation encourages you to take small, meaningful steps toward deeper connection.

Is Grandpa really in my bones? 

We’re starting a new series on emotionally healthy relationships, and over the next eight weeks, I’ll be joined by my clinical supervisor and licensed therapist Carley Marcouillier to walk through 8 core relational skills that are essential for developing mature, loving relationships with others.

But this week, I wanted to spend a few minutes talking about why. Why are these skills are so important for us to learn? I talk about how we carry our family dynamics into all our relationships and the impact that community can have in fostering our awareness and healing. 

In our next podcast series, I’ll be joined by my clinical supervisor, Carley Marcouillier, who is a licensed therapist, podcast host, and ministry leader. Together, we’re going to walk through 8 core relational skills that are essential for cultivating emotionally healthy relationships. 

Over the course of eight episodes, we’re going to explore each skill, why it matters, and how to begin practicing it in everyday life. These are skills that we believe can transform the way you relate to those around you. I hope you’ll join us next week, as we talk about what it looks like to grow into people of love, together.

To wrap up our current series, I wanted to offer something a little different today:

A guided time of prayer— called Imaginative Prayer—that can help us enter into a deeper experience of God. This form of contemplative prayer dates back the early church mothers and fathers. When we engage in this kind of prayer, we use our imaginations to place ourselves within a scene from Scripture, particularly in the life of Jesus. I hope you'll join me as we walk onto the scene of Matthew 6:30-42 and ask the Spirit to speak to us through this story.

Did you know that the neural pathways for relationship are developed in the first three years of a person’s life? This is the heart of what’s called attachment theory and affects our relationship with ourselves, others, and even our relationships with God.

I’m so honored to welcome today’s guest, Summer Joy Gross. Summer is a spiritual director, Anglican priest, and writer who weaves neuroscience, attachment theory, and spiritual practices to help us root ourselves in God’s presence and nearness.

In this conversation, Summer walks us through each of the 4 attachment styles, showing us how our earliest experiences of love shape the way that we’ve come to experience God. We talk about the attachment wounds of each style, and how the Spirit actively pursues our healing in these places. Summer also guides us through a beautiful attachment practice in real-time to help to reconnect to God in a more secure way. 

Have you ever struggled to name the pain you’re experiencing inside?

When we don’t have language for the pain we carry, we can create other names for it — names like “not good enough,” “unworthy,” “broken,” or “wrong.” Many of us often avoid naming and validating our pain out of fear of being overwhelmed or feeling stuck in it. But what if the opposite is actually true? What if this is actually the first step towards healing?

This is what author and therapist Monica DiCristina and I talk about today. Monica beautifully shows us that, while not every wound may fully heal, each one can be understood. And that understanding starts by naming and honoring our pain. This is such a powerful conversation on ways that trauma can impact our view of God, how to tell the difference between shame & conviction, and what it looks like to sit well with others…and ourselves…in pain. 

So many of us long for transformation, but we feel discouraged and defeated by the issues that keep coming up... over and over again.

 We pray, read our Bibles, go to church, worship, and yet still feel stuck. Why is this? Often the tools we're given within the church leave us wondering if we're missing something or if something is wrong with us. Is it us? Is it them? Is it God? Why is lasting change so elusive? 

This is what author, speaker, and founder of Healing Care Ministries Terry Wardle and I talk about today. Beautifully blending stories from his own life with modern discoveries in neuroscience, Terry gently dismantles the common saying, “the past is in the past.” Demonstrating how past experiences impact the wiring of our brains in profound ways, Terry shows us why we need healing experiences with God’s presence in our unresolved emotional wounds. 

As we practice receiving and remaining in God’s love, the question becomes this: how are we responding and loving Him back? And not necessarily in the big moments, but in the small and ordinary moments of every day life. 

We all move in patterns that we have set up over time, day by day. These habits and practices shape our loves, our desires, and ultimately, who and what we worship. So what habits and practices can we take up that are aiming our love and desires towards God? 

In this episode, I share 7 spiritual practices I’m engaging in right now that are increasing my capacity to receive, remain, and respond to God’s love.  My hope is that they spark prayerful creativity and imagination in you around God’s invitations into deeper intimacy within the rhythms of your everyday life.

What if you could walk into every room knowing—deep in your bones—that you are safe, seen, soothed, and secure? Not because of the what’s happening around you, but because the face of Jesus is always turned toward you? Always attentive. Always connected.

This is what writer, artist, and soul care provider Stephanie Stewart and I talk about today. Stephanie invites us into her own journey of discovering a relationship with God that heals and grounds us. A kind of interactive relationship that is conversational, requiring reciprocity – and just like any other relationship – a turning towards one another. Stephanie also teaches us daily practices to strengthen our awareness and attunement to God’s constant connection and care.

We all have these complicated tangles of belief, identity, and narrative, and one of the early stories many of us often begin telling ourselves is a one of our own scarcity. 

“Maybe I don’t matter.” 
"Maybe I’m not good enough.” 
“Maybe I’m not worthy of love, belonging, and joy.” 

When we bring these stories of scarcity with us into our relationships with God, we may ache for nourishment and grace, but we find ourselves living out of a place of exhaustion and starvation. We come to God’s table with a deep sense of unworthiness, scraps feeling like all we can hope for. Anything more seems selfish or presumptuous. When scarcity has become familiar, goodness and abundance can start to feel suspicious. 

This is what Chesed Dent and I talk about today. Chesed beautifully brings her experiences of growing up as a missionary kid – as well as her current work in higher education – into this conversation, inviting us into her own journey towards deeper rest and trust in God’s care. 

Even though you’ve heard God described as full of compassion and always present, do you sometimes feel confused as to why you experience him as distant, disapproving, or absent?

Our experiences, from childhood to adulthood, shape the internal pictures we hold about God—sometimes in ways we don’t even realize. In this episode, I share stories of 4 different women, and how they each came to experience God differently based on their life experiences. 

These stories are taken and adapted from a chapter in Sensible Shoes, a bestselling novel written by last week’s guest Sharon Garlough Brown. The first time I read these stories, I couldn’t put them down. I found myself in these women, in their stories, and how they came to perceive God… and I think you will as well.

So many of us long to rest in God’s love, but we feel at war with actually receiving it. Why do we resist the very thing that we claim we want?

This is what author and spiritual director Sharon Garlough Brown and I talk about today. Sharon graciously invites into her own story of exhaustion and striving to meet her perceptions of God’s expectations for faithfulness, to learning what it looks like to live out of the abundance and generosity of His heart. She shares such beautiful moments along her journey where God has invited her into prayer, presence, and an enlarging capacity to receive his love. I hope you’ll listen in.

Just like any other relationship, intimacy with God isn’t something that can be forced or manufactured.

It’s the byproduct of a genuine desire to know God and be known by Him. But before we can really desire God, we must have a clearer understanding of who God is and what he is like. Our experiences shape our experiences of God, often forming and informing a flawed or incomplete vision of who God is that isn’t just intellectual or cognitive, but that is enstoried and deeply embedded in our hearts and bodies.  

In this episode, I talk about God’s invitation to transformational friendship. A kind of relationship that involves our learning to open up the very foundation of us — where we feel most uncertain, exposed, and vulnerable — experiencing the kind presence of God coming to commune with us here.

Have you ever felt like you know about God—but you don’t really know Him? Like you’re going through the motions of faith but longing for something deeper, something real? 

In this next podcast series, we’ll explore what it means to move beyond conceptual knowledge about God and into personal encounter — to truly experience God’s presence, hear His voice, and be transformed by His love. We’ll hear from guests who will share their stories towards deeper intimacy with God, and I’m also going to be introducing us to spiritual rhythms that I’ve found to be transformative in my own journey. 

If you’ve ever longed for more, I hope you’ll join me for this next series. Because God isn’t just someone to believe in. He’s someone to experience. 

What messages did you receive about self-awareness as a child?

Many of us grew up in environments that did not nurture self-awareness. Over the years, we’ve practiced disconnecting from our tears, grief, desires, or sensitivity. And not only disconnect, but we’ve learned to reject or criticize these feelings or experiences within ourselves. 

In this episode, I talk about how these ruptures that exist within us can cause the ruptures that happen between us. I also share some reflections on why relationships are the primary place where we can learn and practice self-awareness, as well and few practical ways to begin.

At the heart of the spiritual journey is relationship.

Growing in self-awareness is not an end in itself, but the heart and the means to deeper intimacy with God. As author and ministry leader T.J. MacLeslie and I talk about today, Christian spirituality involves a transformation of the self that occurs only when God and self are both deeply known.

In this episode, T.J. generously invites us into his story as he shows us why the spiritual journey is so much more than conceptually knowing God, but experiencing encountering Him. He shares how he began to untangle who God is from wounding experiences within the church, and what it looks like to pursue a real relationship with God — one that goes far beyond religious activity.

"You're not good enough.” "You need to try harder." "You’ll never keep up.” “There isn’t enough time.”

These are the sorts of voices that can hum just beneath the surface of our minds, pushing us to act in unsustainable and frantic ways. So many of us long for the peace that comes with a life marked my internal calm and groundedness, but we feel gripped by anxiety. We don’t know what to do with these unhelpful thoughts circling within. How do we make sense of this inner chatter? And how do we settle enough to hear God’s voice?

An important part of growing in self-awareness is learning how to make sense of these competing voices. That’s what author and spiritual director Gem Fadling and I talk about today. Gem brings decades of wisdom and personal experience to this conversation as she teaches us how to identify these voices, slow our internal pace, and move towards greater wholeness. 

God designed our bodies to tell us incredibly important things when it comes to growing and healing.

In fact, I believe that one of the primary places we can grow in self-awareness is not books or podcasts or personality tests...but learning to listen to our own bodies. Why is this? Our bodies know more than our minds often do. And they are constantly speaking, revealing truth about what’s happening in the present or what happened to us in the past.

In this week’s episode, I explain why it’s so important to listen to your body, and I offer one practical way to begin.

While the work of self-awareness begins with pursuing a better understanding of our lives and stories, so many of us can stop there. 

As licensed therapist, author, and professor Chuck DeGroat and I talk about today, we often keep this awareness in past-tense, not understanding how our bodies are still holding these stories. We can ignore symptoms and bodily sensations like hypervigilance, sleeplessness, or exhaustion telling us the story of where we really are. And our bodies never lie. They often give us the best data about what’s happening within.

Chuck brings such beautiful storytelling and teaching to this conversation as he shows us what it looks like to practice awareness and attunement to our inner experience, and how to pay attention to what our bodies are telling us. 

For most of us, feelings are messy. 

Oftentimes, we don’t have words for what we’re feeling, and we get stuck in a dark and painful place. Because emotions can be complicated, we have so many strategies to not feel what we feel. But this often leaves us with a sense of numbness. We feel confused and chopped up inside. 

Giving our feelings language is like turning on the lights. It’s how we begin to wake up to wholeness, to beauty, and to our own hearts again. Learning to notice, name, and process what we’re feeling is also a key vehicle for growing in self-awareness. That’s what author and spiritual director Anjuli Paschall and I talk about today. Anjuli brings such profound depth, vulnerability, and wisdom to this conversation as we talk about how to name our emotions, process them, and find God’s presence in them.

While Josh and his family was doing ministry in China, he was detained and interrogated by authorities and had no idea if or when he would be released. 

In this week’s episode, Josh graciously shares some of his journey with self-awareness, and how this unexpected crisis led him to a deeper encounter with with himself.

While few of us will share the particularities of his experience, I think Josh beautifully puts words to the inner disorientation that all kinds of crises bring: feelings of shock and shame and a deep disrupting of identity. He transparently shares what it was like for him to begin processing this crisis. He talks about how he initially tried to distance himself from the pain, and also, what he began to discover – about himself and God – as he leaned in. 

One of the things that I’ve learned about self-awareness over the last few years is that self-awareness is something we can choose, but it’s also something that happens to us.

It comes at certain points in our lives without our consent, experiences of pain and crisis often becoming the catalyst for this deeper awakening. While I don’t hold to the idea that God causes crisis and suffering, I do know that these things come along, and God uses them. He often uses them to facilitate our own encounter with some of the deepest parts of ourselves.

In this episode, I talk about 3 kinds of crises that our journeys hold: developmental transitions, intrusive events, and internal uprisings. I also talk about why our responses to self-awareness are so important. How we respond can either increase shame or motivate change…and this makes all the difference.

*Some of the concepts of this episode were taken and adapted from “Regerts” by Jennifer Hunt.

When I reflect on my own journey over the last 7 or 8 years, I can’t think of something that has changed my life, my relationship with God, others, or even myself more than self-awareness.

I truly believe that pursuing a deeper understanding of our own hearts and stories is one of the most spiritually formative and transformative things we could ever do. That’s why I’m so excited to invite you to join me in this new series on the podcast called “How Can I Be More Self-Aware?”

In this episode, I talk about what specifically makes self-awareness so important and highlight 3 different kinds of self-awareness that we’re invited into. I also offer some reflective questions that will help you get a sense of how well you know yourself right now. 

How well do you know yourself? 

Growing in self-awareness is probably one of the hardest, but most important things we could ever do. Why? The short answer is this: you can’t change what you don’t know. But one of the trickiest things about self-awareness is that most of us are on autopilot and don't even know it.

So many of us are moving through life and not paying attention. We’re living by default... numb and disconnected from our hearts. I know what it’s like to feel like you’re going through the motions, but you’re not really living. You’re not present to yourself or your relationships. You long to be more awake to joy, to hope, and to passion, but there’s this sense inside of you that you’re missing your life.

In this next Faith and Feelings series “How Can I Be More Self-Aware?”, we’re going to be talking about what it practically looks like to grow in self-awareness. We’ll also be hearing from some amazing guests who will be sharing their journey with self-awareness and what they’ve learned along the way. 

I think that everyone could testify to how imperceptibly incremental our spiritual growth can feel in some areas of our lives.

 If you’re like me, you’ve often felt a disconnect between the theology that that you believe and the reactions that leak out of you in everyday life. Even though you know something is true in your head, it doesn’t seem to be shaping your heart or steering your hands.

In this conversation with a family friend, Chip, he shares a recent story of dysregulation that puts words to all of these tensions so beautifully. We talk about what initiated a deep inner change in his life five years ago (after decades of following Jesus and years in full-time ministry), and he models how true spiritual growth and emotional maturity often begin with getting to know your story and learning to tell it more truly.

So many of us have experienced a before and after.

A “before” you knew that life was fragile… and an “after.” When you can’t go back. You can’t un-know. You are changed. In this episode, my friend Jess joins me to share about her recent miscarriage journey. Although Jess shares about the loss of a child, she speaks to the emotional undercurrent of loss in a way that I think will deeply resonate with many different experiences of sorrow.

In a week full of holiday celebration, the complexity of holding both grief and joy together can often times feel overwhelming. What Jess does so beautifully is put words and phrases to the experience of loss in a way that feels anchoring, truthful, and sacred. As you’ll hear in our conversation, she does this through the wise and painful work of staying present to herself, God, and to her own heart. 

One of the hardest questions to answer in life is not “Does God exist?” but “Is God kind?”

Sometimes, unspeakable things happen at the hands of others. Trauma of any kind often shatters are capacity to trust ourselves, God others, and the world around us. When we feel left in our pain, holding more questions than answers, it can feel like we’ve been given the raw data that God is not good.

In this conversation, my Jennifer joins me to share her story of spiritual and sexual abuse from a church leader. Through her lived experience, she puts words and phrases to the disorientation that comes when life doesn’t make sense, and how to begin a healing journey when you doubt if you’ll ever be able to trust again. This conversation is beautiful, honest, and also one of Faith & Feeling’s most downloaded episodes yet.

How we walk into room will always carry evidence of our formation.

The way we act, if we get big or small, whether our voices soften or louden, if our shoulders hunch or straighten, whether we anticipate acceptance or brace for unbelonging...it all tells a story. A story about something we’ve lived. In those moments when it feels like you don’t fit in and that shame-filled question wells up inside... “why can’t I just be normal like everyone else?” ....there’s always a deeper question: what is your definition of “normal”? Where did it come from, and when did you learn that you did not meet that standard?

This conversation with my friend Amina is one of Faith & Feeling’s most downloaded episodes. Through her story, she shows us that when we read rejection into a room, its roots can often be traced to pivotal moments of self-rejection in our childhoods that are still living inside of us today. Together, Amina and I process what it really looks like to belong, when to trust the invitation of others, and how to walk into a room as your own friend.

Have you ever wondered why you get dysregulated?

Another way to describe this term is the inability to control your insides. It’s those moments when everything seems out of sorts. All of us experience emotional dysregulation. But, so often, we can get dysregulated without even realizing it. So, how do we begin to notice & listen to what are bodies are trying to tell us? In this episode with licensed therapist David Floge, we talk about what emotional dysregulation is, what it can feel like in our bodies, and practical ways to self-regulate.

This conversation is such a fun combination of clinical insight and personal experience. My hope is that you’ll find it practical (and you’ll also laugh, because some of the stories that David and I share are really funny!). 

With 2024 coming to a close, I’ve been reflecting on this first year of Faith & Feelings. 

What a year. I just want to say how grateful I am for this community. Thank you for sharing this podcast and inviting others to be a part of it. Because of this, we are ending the year with tens of thousands of downloads and an actively growing community of listeners. And I just want to say thank you. 

In this brief update, you’ll hear some personal reflections on the year, as well as what’s coming up next on Faith & Feelings in December (hint: I’m re-releasing 5 of your most favorite episodes!). My hope is that these listener’s favorites will encourage you, reinforce some of what we’ve learned together, and create space for deeper reflection as you go from one year into the next. 

*I’d love to hear your suggestions for episode/series topics for 2025! Email your ideas to me at taylor@taylorjoymurray.co or DM me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__.

What is the ultimate goal of interacting with an emotionally immature person? To stay in control of our own mind and feelings.

While we can’t change the person, we can learn ways of interacting with emotionally immature people without sacrificing or losing parts of ourselves. When we learn how to keep an observational perspective, we can stay centered, no matter how the other person behaves. This also helps to keep us in our thinking brain instead of falling into our emotions or a fight-or-flight reaction.

In this episode, I talk about 3 three practical steps for interacting with an emotionally immature person: (1) detached observation, (2) accurate assessment, (3) and re-entering the relationship in a different way. I also explore how grace is often misused today, and I emphasize what it truly looks like to extend real grace — the kind of grace that Jesus died for — in our relationships.

Hitting a wall is not an if, but when.

We all have this experience, typically several times throughout our lives. Suddenly, the ways that we learned to cope with childhood wounds and unmet needs begin begin to fail us in adulthood. Unhealthy coping patterns catch up with us. Our souls often begin summoning us to a deeper, inner change through emotional or physical symptoms like panic, anxiety, depression, anger, a continual sense of low-grade agitation, addictions, or other dysfunctional attempts to numb our pain.

We feel stuck. We want to change, but we don’t know how. It’s here, where God longs to meet us, opening our eyes to see the truth of ourselves, our stories, and who he’s created us to be. In this episode, I offer common signs that you might be hitting the wall, and I also talk about how to begin opening ourselves to God to bring transformation into the deepest parts of ourselves.

Are patterns from your past impacting how you show up to your life and relationships today?

How we learned to cope with childhood wounds and unmet needs often become the dysfunctional patterns that we live out in adulthood. This is one way that the impact of emotionally immature parenting can leak into our adult lives.

Healing starts with noticing and naming these patterns. When we invite God’s spirit into this process, change begins. I talk about 2 ways that we may have reacted to emotionally immature parenting as children (internalizing or externalizing our pain), and how these childhood coping styles might be showing up in our adult lives today. In her research, psychologist Lindsey Gibson found that most children of emotionally immature parents are internalizers. I also highlight 8 common patterns of internalizers in adulthood and offer practical steps for change.

From the time we entered the world, we all began crafting a story that helped us make sense and give meaning to the painful things that happened to us.

As we absorbed explicit and implicit messages from family members, authority figures, and peers about who we were and what the world expected of us, we gradually began forming a narrative that explained our lives to us… a narrative that grooved itself deeply into our hearts. This story helped us, as children, to know what we needed to be and what we needed to do to stay safe in the world.

However, this story becomes a broken story when lived out in adulthood. I talk about why it’s so important to get to know your childhood story, and I also offer some practical steps for exhuming the hurtful events, unchallenged, taken-for-granted beliefs, and unhelpful internalized messages from our childhoods that may still be ruling our lives today.

We all need someone who reads us well and believes in us.

This is the essence of what security feels like in a relationship: knowing that the other person sees you, understands you, and celebrates who you are. But what happens if you didn’t receive this kind of nurturing love as a child?

There is essentially one way to provide this kind nurturing love that we all need to develop and thrive, but there are many ways to frustrate a child’s need for love. I talk about 3 things every child needs from their parents, and I also unpack 4 types of emotionally immature parents by psychologist Lindsey Gibson.

Many of us have a confusing relationship with anger.

Anger is a complex emotion that can create significant internal conflict, fueling both guilt and fear. Similar to anxiety, it’s a powerful force that can do great harm and also has great value. It’s such a physical emotion, and we can feel anger in our bodies with incredibly intensity. In this episode, I talk about 4 ways that that we tend to avoid anger, how we learned these strategies (and why they actually make sense), and practical ways that we can start to befriend and create space for a healthy expression of anger.

I also talk about some common theological misconceptions about anger, and I highlight examples of Jesus expressing anger in the gospels and modeling how to speak on behalf of anger rather than from it.

If emotional immaturity could be summed up in a sentence, it might be this: “it’s not me, it’s you.”

People who are emotionally immature often engage in inappropriate or harmful behavior, and then revert to altering their perceptions of reality to fit what makes sense to them. They lack emotional sensitivity, are self-preoccupied, and often cause others to question reality instead of taking responsibility for their actions. In other words: “It’s your fault for what I did, not mine.”

Personality patterns of emotional immaturity can be devastating to families and relationships. So how does emotional immaturity show up interpersonally? And how do we recognize signs of emotional immaturity? To continue our series on Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, I highlight 15 personality traits associated with emotional immaturity. I also talk about how to know the difference between a pattern of emotional immaturity and a temporary emotional regression.

Emotional loneliness is the kind of loneliness that you can feel even in the presence of others.

It results from a lack of emotional connection, and it can sometimes be even more painful than being physically alone. It’s that feeling of being unseen… a vague and private experience, not easy to recognize or find words for. While just as wounding as a physical injury, emotional loneliness is less obvious because doesn’t show on the outside.

So many of us experience emotional loneliness. But what exactly is it? And where does it come from? To continue our series on “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents,” I talk about what emotional loneliness is, how emotional loneliness is the result of unmet emotional needs during childhood, and some specific ways that emotionally immature parents can affect their adult children’s lives.

Have you ever longed to be seen and known as the person you truly are? To share anything with someone and know that you’ll be understood, accepted, and validated?

Emotional responsiveness is the single most essential ingredient of human relationships. Our relationships are built and sustained through emotional intimacy, and the feeling that someone is interested in taking time to listen and truly understand our experiences. But what happens if your parents were distant or emotionally unavailable? How did this impact you as a child? And how do these experiences continue to impact you as an adult?

To start off our new series “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents,” I talk about what emotionally maturity is (before talking about what it isn’t). This episodes highlights 15 characteristics of an emotionally mature person. I also talk about one possible reason why so many parents today are emotionally immature, and why emotional and spiritual maturity cannot be separated.

Although we’re used to thinking of adults as more mature than their children, what if some children come into the world, and within a few years, are more emotionally mature than their parents? 

In this next Faith & Feeling’s podcast series called “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents,” we’re going to talk about the ways that emotionally immature parents impact their children’s lives. Through these episodes, you’ll discover ways to heal from the pain and confusion that come from having a parent who refuses emotional intimacy. You’ll also gain some insight into possible reasons why your parent’s emotional development stopped early.

My hope is that these episodes will bring clarity and relief as you see that what you’ve been though has caused you to have these feelings. That you’re not the only one. And that it makes sense.

Why does God sometimes feel so far away? The reason for this could be your attachment style.

We all experience moments when God's love and presence are tangible. But we can also experience feeling utterly abandoned by God. Why? In this episode, I talk about how your early childhood experiences and attachment (or emotional bond) that you developed with your primary caregivers can influence your relationship with God. 

Some of us have parents that make imagining a loving Father more difficult, and some of us have parents that make it easier. I describe each of the 4 attachment styles and explore how each style — developed from a pattern that we learned as children to maintain closeness with our primary caregivers — often translates to how we seek to maintain closeness with God. I also talk about 4 kinds of spiritually (secure, anxious, shutdown, and shame-filled) that can result from each of these 4 attachment styles. In other words, how might someone with a secure attachment experience God? How might someone with an anxious attachment experience God? 

Do you get easily dysregulated? Or struggle to get back to a regulated state when you are dysregulated?

There’s a reason for that. In this episode, I connect your present experiences of dysregulation to your relationship — or attachment — with your primary caregivers when you were growing up. You’ll see how the emotional environment that you were raised in, and the ways that your parents interacted with and responded to you, shaped the way your brain learned to regulate emotions. I also talk about what secure attachment is, how to know if you developed a secure attachment bond as a child, how the presence or absence of this bond is directly linked to to your ability to self-regulate (and reach out for help) today.

We all have deep and inherent need for love and acceptance.

But, as children, what happens when unconditional love and acceptance were not freely given? In small ways, many of us learn that a “packaging of self” is what is necessary to find approval and affirmation in the eyes of others. As we begin to develop and experience life in the context of our closest relationships and social circles, we learn that we are liked and accepted by constructing a version of ourselves that puts us in the most flattering light. Maybe if we help enough. Self-sacrifice enough. Do all the right things. Maybe then we will be loved. 

In this conversation with a family friend, Ellen, she shares a recent story of dysregulation, triggered by a childhood belief that equated being perfect with being loved. She shares her own journey of growing in self-awareness, untangling this belief from her story, and learning to rest in the unmerited favor of God.

I think everyone could testify to how imperceptibly incremental our spiritual growth can feel in some areas of our lives.

If you’re like me, you often feel a disconnect between the theology that that you believe and the reactions that leak out of you in everyday life. Even though you know something is true in your head, it doesn’t seem to be shaping your heart or steering your hands. Sometimes you feel defeated because you don’t like how you’re acting, what your response was, or the way you sounded. But you don’t know how to change. You wonder if you’re doing something wrong. You wonder why God is working transformation into your life so frustratingly slowly.

In this conversation with a family friend, Chip, he shares a recent story of dysregulation that puts words to all of these tensions so beautifully. We talk about what initiated a deep inner change in his life five years ago (after decades of following Jesus and years in full-time ministry), and he models how true spiritual growth and emotional maturity often begin with getting to know your story and learning to tell it more truly.

“We all are born into the world looking for someone looking for us, and we remain in this mode of searching for the rest of our lives.” - Curt Thompson, MD

But we all have those experiences of being unseen. Un-chosen. When care was not given. When no one came. Somewhere along the way, many of us learned to stop listening to our gut instincts. We learned to grit it out and turn off the messages of our healthy needs. We stopped crying out. We no longer asked for help because we didn’t want to be a burden on others, or we didn’t expect anyone to respond.

This conversation with my friend Kylie is just so beautiful. Through her story, she names a deep-seated belief running throughout many of our stories: asking for help doesn’t change anything. You have to do it on your own anyway. We process the ways that not asking for help can become a learned trait, and when carried into adulthood, fuel patterns of striving, exhaustion, and inadequacy. We also talk about the ways that Kylie is learning to trust in God’s rest, responsiveness, and delight.

What happens when the circumstances of life force you to grow up too quickly & shoulder a weight of responsibility or caretaking far beyond your developmental age? When our bodies carry the story of an interrupted adolescence into adulthood, how can this kind of trauma impact us? And how do we begin to heal?

In this conversation, my friend Jonathan shares a recent experience of dysregulation: a chest-tightening, drowning sensation when too many people around him needed too many things. Together, Jonathan and I process how this everyday moment with his family strikingly paralleled some of his childhood experiences, and he names the longing inside so many of us with similar stories: “Can someone just take care of me?”

We talk about what he wishes he could tell his younger self, and how the way we are in our bodies tells the story of who we’ve been up to this point in our lives.

How we walk into a room will always carry evidence of our formation.

The way we act, if we get big or small, whether our voices soften or louden, if our shoulders hunch or straighten, whether we anticipate acceptance or brace for unbelonging...it all tells a story. A story about something we’ve lived.

In those moments when it feels like you don’t fit in and that shame-filled question wells up inside, “why can’t I just be normal like everyone else?”, there’s always a deeper question: what is your definition of “normal”? Where did it come from, and when did you learn that you did not meet that standard?

This conversation with my friend Amina is just so beautiful. Through her story, she shows us that when we read rejection into a room, it’s roots can often be traced to pivotal moments of self-rejection in our childhoods that are still living inside of us today. Together, Amina and I process what it really looks like to belong, when to trust the invitation of others, and how to walk into a room as your own friend.

We are in a series on Faith & Feelings all about emotional dysregulation. Another way to describe this term is the inability to control your insides. It’s those moments when everything seems out of sorts. All of us experience emotional dysregulation, but so many of us can get dysregulated without even realizing it. 

Whether it looks like exploding or imploding, whether it feels like getting really angry or shutting down, dysregulating moments always point to something deeper. Something that needs to be noticed, named, and processed inside of us. How do we begin to notice & listen to what are bodies are trying to tell us?

In this conversation with licensed therapist David Floge, we talk about what emotional dysregulation is, what it can feel like in our bodies, and practical ways to self-regulate. This conversation is such a fun combination of clinical insight and personal experience. My hope is that you’ll find it practical (and you’ll also laugh, because some of the stories that David and I share are really funny!).

Few things impact your minute-to-minute—life more than emotional dysregulation. 

Another way to describe this term is the inability to control your insides. It’s that unexpected spiral into anger, anxiety, or insecurity. It’s what happening inside of you during that unsettling relational interaction.  It’s what’s going on when you burst into tears over losing your keys, or emotionally shut down when you feel like an outsider at a social gathering.

A huge misconception about emotional dysregulation is that these overblown or shut-down reactions happen out of nowhere. When we mistake them for isolated events, we may feel embarrassed or perhaps a little perplexed, so we just keep going. We rush past them without a second thought, or we try to move on as fast as possible. 

However, when big and seemingly illogical emotions, reactions, or behaviors come up in response to something, I’m learning that wisdom looks like slowing down and getting really curious about why we responded that way. There is always a reason why. In this episode, I highlight two key reasons why processing our own moments of dysregulation, and understanding the deeper story, is essential for our spiritual growth and emotional health.

Have you ever walked away from a conversation or situation, feeling bewildered or embarrassed, and thought to yourself, “Why on earth did I do (or say) that?”

We all have those disproportionate emotional responses to situations that typically wouldn’t affect us in such dramatic ways. You know in your head that your reaction was not rational, but your body was living out a different story. The counseling world has a term for these responses: emotional dysregulation. Many of us don’t realize that these revved-up reactions tell a story—a story about something we’ve lived. They point to a deep-seated something that has gone unaddressed in our hearts. 

In our next podcast series called “Why On Earth Did I Do (Or Say) That?”, I’ll be inviting several guests to share a recent story of dysregulation…and together, we trace the deeper story. My hope is that these conversations will create a greater awareness, compassion, and curiosity about your own moments of dysregulation, and what might be underneath. 

Sometimes suffering lasts…and where is God in this? How do we find joy, hope, and love when life becomes undone? 

When life doesn’t make sense, we need a theology of suffering that helps us expand to hold the brokenness & beauty of our world together. Over the last few months, we’ve been hearing from 8 wise, kind, and deeply authentic people about their stories of pain & sorrow, and what they’ve been learning about hope, lament, joy, and courage when life get really hard. In this episode, I wrap up our  “When Life Doesn’t Make Sense” series by sharing some of my reflections on the ways hardship shapes us, why the story we tell about our suffering matters, and how lament invites us back to a place of belonging in the bigger story that God is telling with our lives.

*Some of the concepts of this episode were taken and adapted from The Theology and Psychology of Suffering by Tyler Staton.

Over the last 6 years of recovering from an eating disorder, I’ve known one thing to be true: mental health struggles are difficult to describe, and they can be exhausting to live with. It’s a daily waking up to an inner battle that can be overwhelmingly unnoticed by others, and there is a certain strength that is required to endure pain that lingers, especially when it’s unseen.

As we wrap up our second podcast series “When Life Doesn’t Make Sense,” I share one of my stories when life hasn’t made sense: receiving an eating disorder diagnosis. Whether your story holds a similar diagnosis or a different kind of addiction/mental health struggle, or if you’re listening on behalf of a loved one, this episode is for you. I put some words to what mental health struggles can feel like, what my recovery journey has looked liked, and what my eating disorder has taught me along the way. I hope you’ll listen in.

*In this episode, I mention suicide/suicidal ideation. If you’re thinking about suicide and need to talk to someone, call or text 988. If you are worried about someone, you too can call or text 988 to get resources. Remember: you matter. Please listen with care.

I recently heard loneliness described as “an agonizing hunger.”

It is possible to be in a room full of people and to feel more lonely than if the room was empty. It is to be unseen. And being unseen by those close to you is, in some ways, worse than having no one see you. This form of loneliness has a name: emotional loneliness, and can be experienced by anyone, regardless of your marital status.

In this episode, my friend Carley joins me to share about her experience of emotional loneliness, woven throughout her story of singleness. By inviting us into the ache of this story, Carley beautifully extends an invitation to all of us: that the very place where we feel most deeply alone is where we can most fully receive the welcome of God. I hope you’ll listen in.

Have you ever poured out your feelings to God, before editing your words? 

So many of us have internalized a narrative that stuffing down our emotions is strength. As children, we may have witnessed how “being fine” was praised and celebrated…and in some Christian contexts, even called spiritual maturity. So, we grew into adulthood having learned to disconnect from our own inner cries. 

In this episode, my friend Lauren joins me share about a recent miscarriage. By inviting us into her own grief and pain, she beautifully models why we have to let ourselves notice, name, and feel our emotions. It is the cost of being emotionally alive. It’s the cost, even, of holiness. Pouring out our big feelings to God is how we experience his presence in our pain. This takes tremendous courage. But, as Lauren helps us understand, unless we make space for our emotions, we cannot know the depths of God’s love. I hope you’ll listen in.

The image of the family is so deeply imprinted onto us: pressed into our minds, hearts, and sense of who we are in the world. What do we do when our families are sources of pain or confusion… or worse, harm, neglect or abuse? In this episode, my friend Ashley joins me to share about a painful relationship with a parent. She puts words to the long-lasting impact that absent or abusive parenting can have on our relationships with ourselves, others, and God.

Ashley sifts through these experiences with such wisdom, care, and surprising gentleness, inviting us into her own internal process of making sense of her childhood, naming how she’s been wronged, and offering compassion to the younger versions of herself who ached to be safe, held, and loved. She bears witness to the costly pursuit of learning and unlearning ways operating in the world that are no longer necessary, and of trying to live between the love you understood and the love that every child deserves. I hope you’ll listen in.