Parenting Teenagers Untangled

Ask Rachel anything Are you trying so hard to be a good parent that you might be doing too much for your tween or teen, and accidentally making life harder for both of you? In this episode of Parenting Teenagers Untangled, Rachel Richards talks with clinical psychologist and author Dr. Tara Porter about her new book "Good Enough" and why good enough parenting is actually the best kind of parenting. Drawing on more than 25 years working in adolescent mental health, Tara explains how so many te...

Ask Rachel anything We’re living through an age where it can feel like our teenagers’ entire lives are happening behind a screen we can’t see. Meanwhile mental health problems in teens are a rising problem that is being blamed on their devices. The instinctive response for many of us is to clamp down: ban certain apps, monitor every move, or take away devices altogether. But as Professor Candice Odgers put it so powerfully: “You can’t ban your way out of a mental health crisis. Yo...

Ask Rachel anything Are smartphones and social media really damaging our teenagers’ mental health – or are we looking in the wrong place? In this episode, Rachel Richards talks with Professor Candice Odgers, a leading expert on adolescent mental health in the digital age, to unpack what decades of research actually show about teens, tech and wellbeing. We explore why today’s teenagers are doing better than many headlines suggest, the real size of the link between phones, social media, anxiety...

Ask Rachel anything As a teenager, I grew up in a home with almost no routines. No one talked about what needed to happen when, and I remember constantly thinking, “What am I supposed to do now?” Life felt like reinventing the wheel every day. I didn’t feel safe, and I felt a lot of energy went into trying to cope in the chaos. Now, as a parent and host of Teenagers Untangled, I’ve come to see routines not as dreary box‑ticking exercises, but as powerful tools for connection, calm, and joy. I...

Ask Rachel anything If your teenage daughter says, “I have anxiety,” “my ADHD was out of control today,” or calls a friend “toxic,” it can feel both strangely sophisticated and oddly shallow at the same time. She has language. She has labels. But somehow, you’re still not sure what’s really going on inside her. In this episode with psychiatrist Dr Suzanne Garfinkel-Crowell, author of Girlhood Translated: Understanding Girls in the Age of Therapy Speak and Self-Diagnosis, we pulled back the cu...

Ask Rachel anything Thank you, thank you, thank you, Wirohugo for your incredible donation. You are so kind! Here’s the question posed by one of our community using the Ask Rachel Anything button: My fifteen year old boy seems to show no curiousity about the world. Does not know countries, capitals, does not read (except when incentived). Today, he didn't recognise the neighbouring village which we drive through many times. He is middling at school but good at some subjects. So, not a d...

Ask Rachel anything They're the oldest in their primary and suddenly our babies have to cope with being the youngest in their senior school. It's a big leap, and it comes just at the point when our kids are becoming much more aware of themselves and others with a big dollop of puberty-driven insecurity. It's easy to worry about them making friends, coping with their newfound indepenence; complicated timetables, different classrooms, homework, buses and remembering their passwords. Here ...

Ask Rachel anything Is AI changing the way teenagers understand friendship? Should we worry about teens turning to chatbots for advice and emotional support? And what can parents do to help their children build strong, real-world relationships? Welcome to a new Teenagers Untangled Community Catchup, where Rachel Richards is joined by teacher, author and mum of two teenagers Katherine Radice to talk through what's happening in the world of teenagers — from the news and the latest research to t...

Ask Rachel anything So many parents come to me saying 'My teen has no friends. What should I do?' and I can't help wondering if we are missing one of the most important ways to help them. Being good at friendships ourselves. Think about it. If we're not good at making and maintaining friends ourselves, who will our babies learn their friendship skills from? In this episode of Teenagers Untangled, I’m joined by author, broadcaster, and founder of The Friendship Lab, Sheridan Voysey, to unpack ...

Ask Rachel anything What happens when the children we’ve poured our hearts, time, and energy into finally leave home? If you’re facing the prospect of a child heading off to university or moving out—and feeling anything from pride and excitement to grief, anxiety, or a loss of identity—this episode is for you. First, I revisit a powerful conversation with mindfulness coach Susie Asli, where we unpack empty nest syndrome: why feelings of grief, loneliness, or even physical symptoms like sleepl...

Ask Rachel anything A listener parenting a teen son wrote to say both of them felt pretty stunned when he was rejected from the university he'd set his heart on. She asked for the best way to help our teenagers cope with this sort of disappointment. I thought it was a great question and a good opportunity to also look at how we parents can best navigate when our teen has worked for years toward a dream - a top university place, exam results, a team, a part - and it doesn’t happen. The d...

Ask Rachel anything Sending your teen off to university can feel both exciting and terrifying. In this episode of Parenting Teenagers Untangled, I talk with my 19-year-old daughter Phoebe, home after her first year at Oxford University, about what parents really need to know to prepare their teens for university life. We cover the big worries parents Google most: how teens make friends in Freshers’ Week, coping with the academic workload, dealing with drinking, drugs and peer pressure, ...

Ask Rachel anything Are you tired of yelling at your teen – and hating yourself afterwards? In this episode of Teenagers Untangled, I talked with parenting and relationship coach Diane Sorensen about how to stay calm with teens, stop power struggles, and set healthy boundaries without becoming a pushover. If you’re dealing with eye-rolling, “disrespectful” attitudes, shouting matches, and constant tension at home, this conversation will help you: Understand why you get so triggered by your te...

Ask Rachel anything If you’ve ever fallen in love with someone who already has children, or tried to blend two families and thought, “Why is this so hard? What’s wrong with me?” – this episode is for you. You are not broken, and you are definitely not alone. I was joined by Masha Rusanov, coach, writer, and author of Repatterned. Together we unpack: Why step‑parenting can feel so emotionally different from parenting your biological childrenHow to prioritise connection before correction with b...

Ask Rachel anything Are women naturally good at being mothers or is that a cultural myth? It matters because if we believe women are naturally good at it then they deserve no kudos for the work they do and when we do struggle it lays the blame firmly at our feet, rather than the society we live in. In this episode, I was joined by historian and postnatal practitioner Alex Bollen, author of Motherdom, to unpack the “good mother” myths shaping our culture—and our guilt. We cha...

Ask Rachel anything Welcome to a special mini-series from Teenagers Untangled — seven simple, practical "parenting seeds" to plant over a week, preparing for when your child moves into secondary school or returns from summer. These are gentle shifts, not rules to perfect: They're designed to help you focus on what really matters, and reduce your stress. They'll help you to move from fixing problems to mentoring your child, build emotional safety at home, and give your teen the con...

Ask Rachel anything Announcing my summer top tips series where I give you a short episode of tips organised around themes to help you focus on what you and your tween or teen needs to prepare you for the new school year. Make sure you’re following the show to ensure you don’t miss any and if you want to get them early and have the tips delivered weekly directly to you just click here Send me the free newsletter and enter our email address. You’ll get them straight to your mailbox. ...

Ask Rachel anything Seven in ten teenagers say they're very or extremely interested in investing. Not just curious, genuinely, actively interested. The problem is that most of us parents didn't become aware of investing until we were young adults or older, and half of parents say they wish they'd started sooner. That's a regret a lot of us are carrying around quietly, and without realising it, some of us are passing that same late start on to our kids. Teenagers today aren't waiting. They're ...

Ask Rachel anything Exam stress — are your teen’s exams quietly overwhelming them (and you)? In this episode of Teenagers Untangled I spoke with Katherine Radice, author of The Parent’s Guide to Exam Stress, to explore: * Why teens withdraw and how parental questions can shut down conversations about school * What makes exams uniquely stressful (risk, public outcomes, long timelines) * How parents can build calm, constructive conversations and listen so teens feel safe to share * Practical st...

Ask Rachel anything Who's teaching our teens how to be good citizens; someone who feels a part of society and enagages meaningfully in creating a world we all want to live in rather than someone who just buys stuff? In this episode I talked with Lindsey Cormack, political scientist and author of How to Raise a Citizen, about why we parents must see it as our job to raise capable, engaged citizens. With civics instruction waning in schools, Lindsey shares actionable strategies to turn ev...

Ask Rachel anything In this bonus episode Amelia and I discussed how hard it is to get parenting right, focusing on the misconceptions of gentle parenting and the importance of setting high expectations with support. The full listen to the full episode and read all of my thoughts on it by clicking here. It doesn't cost you anything, it's just a better place for me to store it. We thought it would be really useful for you to hear us talking so that you can get ideas for how you can open ...

Ask Rachel anything What are we really telling boys about how to be a man? And why do so many teens seem to be struggling with how to be in the world, from masculinity to friendship, and mental health? In this conversation with Professor Niobe Way (NYU developmental psychologist, author of Deep Secrets and Rebels with a Cause), we dug into 40 years of research with adolescents. Her work is extraordinary because she has done something deceptively simple and radically powerful: She listened to ...

Ask Rachel anything There's been an alarming rise of teen gambling, according to Commonsense Media, with half of 16-17-year-old boys reporting gambling in the past year; surpassing alcohol, nicotine, and marijuana use. Commonsense media says 'we're at a pivotal moment for boys' well-being. We can either let gambling become normalized during a critical period of their development, or we can act now—with education, safeguards, and real accountability.' In this episode Dr. Chung highlights the r...

Ask Rachel anything If you’ve ever looked at your teen glued to a screen, living on junk food, or melting down over “nothing” and thought, What am I doing wrong? — this episode will change how you see everything. In today’s fast-paced, often overwhelming world, understanding how to foster resilience, well-being, and cognitive development is key to raising thriving children Today's guest, Dr Katy Granville-Chapman, author of Growing Minds: The Science of Raising Thriving Teens”, gives us the e...

Ask Rachel anything Parenting tweens and teens is challenging enough, but when someone in the family becomes seriously ill or dies, it can feel overwhelmingly difficult. In all honesty, we Westerners are terrible at talking about death, often avoiding it, so when it comes to talking with teenagers about the subject most of us don't feel equipped. Many who have suffered a loss, or are suffering a serious illness will tell you that friends often fall away just at the time when they are most va...

Ask Rachel anything Our teenagers are growing up in a world saturated with information, outrage, and algorithms designed to keep them scrolling. As parents, it can feel overwhelming: How do we help our kids navigate AI, social media, fake news, and online manipulation—without either over-controlling them or throwing up our hands? In this episode, I talk to Dr Maree Davies, senior lecturer at the University of Auckland and author of Teaching Critical Thinking to Teenagers: How kids can be stre...

Ask Rachel anything “My husband is highly critical of the teenagers, gets angry over little things and yells, so I’m having to make up for his behavior, and I often avoid involving him in parenting decisions." This message came into my Substack. It was a plaintiff request for support and a plea to know how others deal with the problem. When I posted it (with her permission), a flood of parents said, “This is my life too.” If you're dealing with high conflict in your home, whether with y...

Ask Rachel anything “Is my son secretly being taught to hate women?” If you’ve ever heard your boy casually repeat a line from Andrew Tate… seen him disappear into his room with his phone… or wondered what on earth he’s absorbing on TikTok and YouTube, this episode is for you. The manosphere is grooming boys to believe women are the enemy—and most parents don’t even realise it’s happening. In this conversation, I’m joined by teacher and author of Unmasking the Manosphere, Matt Pin...

Ask Rachel anything It's exam season and so important to keep a steady ship with all of the stress in the house. I thought it would be a great time to interrupt my youngest, Amelia, for an honest chat about what she sees as both good and bad strategies for supporting teenagers through exams, and homework; particularly those with dyslexia and ADHD. We wanted to give parents hope, an honest insight into how bumpy the road can become, and how long it can take to figure out what the b...

Ask Rachel anything So many parents of teens quietly worry that they’re “failing” — not doing enough, not staying calm enough, not getting the outcomes they hoped for. This episode is an invitation to step off that perfectionist treadmill. Instead of parenting for perfect grades, perfect behavior, or perfect choices, we explore how to parent for connection: building daily rituals of togetherness, modeling honest self-care, and using compassionate self-talk so your teen can develop a kin...

Ask Rachel anything When parenting teens through their first experience of love and attraction it can bring up a lot of feelings we thought we'd neatly packed away; the intensity of that first crush, the humiliation of not being chosen, the heartbreak that felt like it would swallow us whole. As a parent trying to support our kids through it can be tricky because our teens’ first love stories can collide with our own unfinished ones. In this episode of Teenagers Untangled, I’m joined by...

Ask Rachel anything A listener parenting a teen son wrote to say both of them felt pretty stunned when he was rejected from the university he'd set his heart on. She asked for the best way to help our teenagers cope with this sort of disappointment. I thought it was a great question and a good opportunity to also look at how we parents can best navigate when our teen has worked for years toward a dream - a top university place, exam results, a team, a part - and it doesn’t happen. The d...

Ask Rachel anything Parenting teen boys wrote three years ago asking us to discuss how we can talk to boys about influential online figures like Andrew Tate. The 'bros' act both as an inspiration to achieve great things, and a lightning rod for disgruntled men who blame feminism for their ills and cheer on his particular form of aggressive misogyny. Now that Louis Theroux has shone a light on the Manosphere in his latest Netflix documentary I thought it important to dust off this old episode ...

Ask Rachel anything If you’ve ever lain awake at night wondering whether you’re getting this parenting thing horribly wrong, you need to hear this conversation with surgeon and author Gabriel Weston. Gabriel is a mother of four – including tween twins – a prize‑winning writer and a working surgeon. She talks with disarming honesty about: How she parents without pretending to be endlessly patient or perfectWhy it’s okay to have limits to how much joy you get from parentingThe very real ways sh...

Ask Rachel anything A teenager no longer has to send a nude for a sexual image of them to end up online. AI can now take an ordinary photograph of a child or teenager and create a convincing fake nude. Add sextortion, online grooming and the sharing of intimate images, and the digital landscape our children are navigating has changed dramatically. So what do parents actually need to know — and how can we protect our kids without terrifying them or constantly monitoring everything they do? In ...

Ask Rachel anything We all want our teenagers to do well. But what happens when encouragement turns into achievement pressure — and our kids start believing their grades, popularity, appearance or success determine how much they're worth? Award-winning journalist and bestselling author Jennifer Breheny Wallace has spent years researching achievement culture, anxiety and the pressures facing young people. Her latest work explores something she believes is fundamental to raising resilient, moti...

Ask Rachel anything When Brooklyn Beckham publicly announced he didn't want to reconcile with his parents he was joining a painful catalogue of family stories that have gone wrong. Estrangement is reportedly on the rise in Western societies but what's behind it? Dr Joshua Coleman spends his life working with estranged parents so he sees, first hand, the main factors that can lead to it. He highlights that while emotional abuse is often cited as a cause, it's often a matter of unme...

Ask Rachel anything Puberty can make teenagers painfully aware of their changing bodies. Add Instagram, TikTok, advertising and the pressure to fit in, and it's little wonder that so many teens struggle with body image and self-esteem. So what can parents do to help? In this episode, Rachel talks with mindfulness coach and mum of three Susie Asli about teenage body image, social media, comparison and the powerful need to belong. We explore why commenting on appearance — even when we think we'...

Ask Rachel anything 'Early adolescence is a friendship meat grinder, and your kid will eventually find their people,' according to Megan Saxelby of Wild Feelings. But oh boy it's tough! Megan wants parents to know that using words like “dramatic” to describe genuine social pain can accidentally give us permission to dismiss their emotional reality and teach our kids that their experiences doesn’t deserve to be taken seriously. In today’s episode we explore why it hurts so much to watch...

Ask Rachel anything We want our kids to do as well as possible, so when they mess up, do dumb things, or seem to be failing, it's easy to focus on their mistakes and what they should do instead. Naomi Glover, a leading applied neuroscientist and brain health specialist, says we'd get the best out of our kids by doing the opposite; focusing on their strengths. Coming from a neurodivergent family, she truly understands the challenges faced by ADHD, dyslexia, and other neurotypes and...

Ask Rachel anything While counseling sex offenders, Anna Sonoda, LCSW learned firsthand that grooming, the prelude to child sexual abuse, is intentional, gradual, and observable. Her message to us is, we're not bad parents, we just have a skills gap and she wants to fill it. I grew up in an era of stranger danger, but the truth is the vast majority of abuse happens inside our homes, online and offline, with people our kids know. So how can we spot the signs that a predator is moving in ...

Ask Rachel anything Hint: it depends on how you define happy and successful. We all want our kids to be happy and successful but what does that mean? In today's episode, I'm joined by Giselle Goodwin, author of Can Women Really Have it All? to talk about our definitions of success and happiness, and how they impact the way we parent. In this changing landscape where what we inherit can mean more than how hard we work what expectations should we have, and what message should we be giving...

Ask Rachel anything This episode will change how you see “bad behaviour” and might just change how you see yourself, too. In this powerful conversation, with Dr Jody Carrington unpack what every parent and teacher needs to know about emotional regulation – and why you’re probably doing better than you think. In this episode, we cover: What emotional regulation really isThe “flipped lid” model and the role of the prefrontal cortexWhy kids don’t “lose their goodness” – they just lose access to ...

Ask Rachel anything How can building our own community of people we admire dramatically change our future and help us break from a difficult past? What does it actually mean to be a good dad? Is it providing for your family? Protecting them? Being successful at work? Or could one of the most important things a father gives his children be something much simpler: his presence? Mitchell Osmond thought he was doing reasonably well. Then his wife told him their marriage was broken and she was co...

Ask Rachel anything The anxiety epidemic: In 2020 the UK charity Mental Health Foundation surveyed more than 2,000 children and found 50 per cent of teenagers aged 13-19 were experiencing anxiety they found hard to control. Substack notes and PDF to go with this episode: https://substack.com/@teenagersuntangled/note/c-193100671?r=2u24i0&utm_source=notes-share-action&utm_medium=web https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/p/the-rise-in-teen-anxiety Suggested books: · ...

Ask Rachel anything None of us likes blowing a fuse when our teen does something that triggers us, but we all do it at some point. Nicky asked us to discuss this topic after she felt she'd overreacted to bad feedback from her son's teachers. We know it fixes nothing and leaves us feeling worse than before, but can we keep smoothing it over with an apology? Click the link at the bottom to access all the tips from the episode and also a parent’s worksheet to help you unpack your fe...

Ask Rachel anything How much do fathers really matter to their children? We talk endlessly about mothers and the enormous influence they have on their children. But have we inadvertently started treating fathers as the optional parent — the assistant rather than an equally capable caregiver? Michael Ray thinks we have. Michael became a father at 50 and, just 18 months later, became the sole parent to his daughter. Suddenly he began noticing the subtle — and sometimes not-so-subtle — ways soci...

Ask Rachel anything What do you do when your teenager has no friends — or tells you they feel lonely, left out or as if they just don't fit in? Watching your child struggle with friendships can be incredibly painful. Our instinct as parents is often to jump in with advice, suggest what they should do, or panic that something has gone terribly wrong. But is that actually what teenagers need from us? In this episode, Rachel sits down with her daughters, Phoebe and Amelia, for a candid conversat...

Ask Rachel anything The happiess hack article by Dana Millbank: https://www.washingtonpost.com/climate-environment/2025/10/24/happiness-purpose-community-contribution/ Checkout my Substack: teenagersuntangled.substack.com Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message....

Ask Rachel anything We all have traditional times when our extended families come together to celebrate, give thanks, and share the warmth of mutual love. In the UK, December is a non-stop reel of songs about 'Simply having a wonderful Christmas time', and Instagram is awash with pictures of happy celebrations. Being with our family can give us a welcome chance to relax and be accepted for who we are but - let's be honest - it can also bring out the worst in us. The break in rout...

Ask Rachel anything Your teenager knows they have homework. They know the assignment is overdue. They know they need to start. So why can't they just do it? If you have a teenager with ADHD or executive-function difficulties, evenings can easily become a cycle of procrastination, missing assignments, nagging, arguments and frustration — with parents wondering how much they should step in and teenagers feeling constantly criticised for things they genuinely find difficult. In this episode, Rac...

Ask Rachel anything Is your teenager afraid of saying the wrong thing? For many young people, navigating conversations about politics, identity, relationships and social issues can feel like walking through a minefield. Say the wrong thing, ask the wrong question or admit you don't know enough — and they fear being judged, rejected or even losing friends. But what happens when that fear follows them home? And what should we do when our teenager expresses an opinion that we strongly disagree w...

Ask Rachel anything How do you get a teenage boy to actually talk to you — particularly about the things that really matter? Boys have just as rich an emotional life as girls, but many learn surprisingly young to hide vulnerability, suppress difficult feelings and rely on anger as one of the few emotions they feel comfortable showing. So how can we make sure our sons know they can talk to us — about friendships, relationships, sex, pornography, drugs, screens, masculinity and the mistakes the...

Ask Rachel anything "Learning is struggle, and kids need to get comfortable struggling with learning." That's according to Jenny Anderson, who spends much of her time writing about what is happening at the frontline of parenting, education and AI. She explains that the big problem for educators and parents who want the best for their kids is that Silicon Valley is trying to take away as much of the struggle as possible. "The F word in Silicon Valley is friction. They want to get rid of ...

Ask Rachel anything Why is it that so many teenagers today seem to be struggling with mental health? In this conversation, Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Matt Richtel reveals the surprising science behind adolescent development, explaining why teens aren't 'difficult' they're doing an important job and how there's a fundamental mismatch between biological adolescent development and the world in which we now life. One of the key problems nowadays is that kids are going into puberty ea...

Ask Rachel anything To lose a child is one of the worst things any of us an imagine. To lose him at 16 to a recreational drug is an unbearable pain. That's what happened to Fiona Spargo-Mabbs OBE, but she has turned her pain into an incredible quest to turn her 'I wish I'd known', suffering into a book, a drugs education foundation, and support for all of us parents so we never have to go through the pain she has suffered. In this incredible conversation, Fiona discusses the importance ...

Ask Rachel anything For this Sunday catch up I was joined by Susie Asli to discuss the challenges of parenting during times of personal loss, such as the death of a pet or a parent. We share our experiences of our children’s different reactions to grief and the importance of allowing them to grieve in their own ways. We also talk about the transition to university, the generational differences in parenting, and the importance of respecting teenagers’ independence. I introduced a n...

Ask Rachel anything Sleep's a FREE performance-enhancer, so why are so many teens not getting enough? For us parents, sleep is the thing we all obsess about when we first bring our babies home, but if you're anything like me by the time they hit teens we've become pretty lax around that solid bedtime routine. In fact, research shows that around 2/3rds of teenagers aren't getting adequate sleep. Why does this happen? In my case, I was exhausted from years of implementing a solid routine and ...

Ask Rachel anything Whatever food fears we've inherited, or learned, will be passed on to our kids unless we understand and challenge our beliefs, according to food psychologist, Dr Anna Colton. As she rightly points out, fear-mongering about killer bars or toxic foods is way more dangerous, long-term, than the food itself. In this episode we talk openly about my own struggles with my family's attitude to food, and Dr Colton explains in detail why it's way better to prevent our kids de...

Ask Rachel anything Is your kid stressed or lacking motivation? What if the antidote was pushing them less and giving them more of a sense of control over their lives? It doesn't mean giving up your authority as a parent. As elite teen coach, Ned Johnson, explains the science tells us we can help our child sculpt a brain that is resilient, and ready to take on new challenges if we stop taking over. In his practice he uses science, behavioural therapy and extensive case studies to offer ...

Ask Rachel anything We all want our kids to feel they belong and have purpose, but what simple things can we do at home and in schools that will help them develop what they need? In this interview you'll hear so many great tips we can put in place at home that will help our kids thrive. In 2007, Tish co-founded Jamie’s Farm with her son Jamie, a teacher and farmer. LINK: https://jamiesfarm.org.uk/people/tish-feilden/ The residential visits for disadvanteged kids, who are disengaged or d...

Ask Rachel anything Conflict is normal - but it often escalates during teenage years because our kids are trying to assert their own wishes, and probably aren't very skilled at it. As parents, it's easy to fall into classic conflict traps if we don't have the skills for resolving disagreements. In this episode we talk about the key techniques we can use - and teach - to ease tension and bust-ups at home and elsewhere. What's even better is that by learning techniques for being assertive - a...

Ask Rachel anything Smartphones can be massively problematic in the hands of the young, mainly because of what kids can access through them. Social media can have a magnetic pull for adolescents who're trying to figure out their identity and fit in, meanwhile predators are well aware of the various access points provided. So are there any positives? Is it even justifiable to give our kids a smartphone, and at what age is it suitable? My teens have very kindly agreed to chat openly about...

Ask Rachel anything When things go wrong at school parents are bound to feel stressed, wanting the problem to be resolved as soon as possible. But - in the UK at least - the current complaints system is "working for no one", according to the Government's Education Secretary. Jason Elsom, CEO of charity Parentkind, says there's been a surge in parental complaints, that are being amplified via WhatsApp: Quoted in The Times “We are seeing a tsunami of parental complaints. It is never right to na...

Ask Rachel anything How we parents manage technology in our homes, and what we put in the hands of our kids, has turned into one of the most hotly debated topics amongst parents and experts. In this episode, I talk to Dr. Lucy Foulkes, Oxford academic psychologist and author, about social media’s role in adolescent mental health, challenging the narrative popularized by Jonathan Haidt and exploring why phones and social platforms aren’t the universal villains they’re often made out to b...

Ask Rachel anything Do you ever worry about losing touch with your kids as they grow up? In this episode of Teenagers Untangled I'm joined by Catherine Hickem, a licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and founder of Parenting Adult Children Today to explore the growing issue of family estrangement. Catherine is leading a conversation around one of the most overlooked family dynamics: the relationship between parents and their adult children. Despite how common this phase of l...

Ask Rachel anything The latest narrative around online safety, phones and devices, is pushing for bans to keep our kids safer and happier. The idea is to give them back their childhood and prevent them from accessing harmful content. Catherine Knibbs, a child psychotherapist and cyber trauma expert argues in her latest book that social media bans won't work because we can't even properly define what it is we want to ban, and when we do ban devices we actually leave our kids vulnerable....

Ask Rachel anything Judgment can be both useful and harmful. When it works well it's a safety mechanism for keeping kids from being harmed. When it works badly it can create feelings of shame and fear which stop parents reaching out for help, cause us to doubt our instincts and miss the vital importance of connection with our children. Sometimes, our fear of judgment can even paralyse us parents and stop us making the decision we know would be better for our family. We can't control wha...

Ask Rachel anything Women's happiness has been in decline since the 1970's despite increased freedoms and opportunities, says Dr Giselle Goodwin. I've you've ever felt burnout out and the sense that you're somehow failing at being a woman and a mother you'll have a sense of it happening, but you may feel guilty, particularly given the opportunities we've been given compared with what our own mothers had. She says that when women were told we could have it all, it seems what we r...

Ask Rachel anything We all loose our cool sometimes. but teenagers can find it particularly challenging to stay calm or calm down when enraged. It takes self-awareness and skill, and a level of brain development that just isn't there for some of them. One listener contacted us for help with her son who is being goaded by friends at school and getting into trouble for losing his temper. We talk about the brain development stage that makes this so prevalent in teens, and discuss top tips...

Ask Rachel anything Having kids can seem like a non-stop obstacle course trying to get another living being to do things, whether for their own good or our own sanity. Getting the right balance between love and discipline is incredibly tricky, and for many of us it's a constant haggle. So what do the experts say about it? What works, and what about the teenager who doesn't seem to care? READ MY BLOG: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/whats-going-on-when-our-boundaries-and-consequences...

Ask Rachel anything We'd all love our children to breeze through school, enjoying a satisfying academic life, having lots of friends, and coming out at the end feeling a success. But what if you have a child that doesn't thrive in an academic environment? What if they can't or won't do the work? How do you deal with it and what techniques can you use to motivate them? According to eminent psychologist, Dr David Yeager, when kids hit puberty they're primarily looking for experiences that give ...

Ask Rachel anything More than half of kids who've drunk alcohol under the age of 15 in the UK were offered it by their parents. Alcohol has been proven to cause seven types of cancer, according the World Cancer Research. According to other research, the earlier kids try alcohol the higher the risk they'll indulge in binge drinking and any alcohol-related harm. Parents don't want to harm their kids, so why are they giving them alcohol? According to research done by Community Alcoho...

Ask Rachel anything Remember those years when your child followed you everywhere, and gazed at you with adoring eyes because you knew everything? Have they now turned into a teenager who simply grunts, or screams at you, when they occasionally emerge from their bedroom? Changes in a teenage brain help them to develop abstract thinking and self-reflection but they also make them hyper-critical and keen to develop emotional distance so they can practice life without you around. What to do: Da...

Ask Rachel anything How can you tell when your daughter is dealing with a genuinely toxic friendship rather than the normal ups and downs of teenage relationships? What should you do when puberty suddenly makes her self-conscious about her changing body? And what on earth is a “pick me girl”? In this episode of Teenagers Untangled, I’m joined by my teenage daughters, Phoebe and Amelia, to answer real questions from parents of girls — and hear what these issues actually feel like from the othe...

Ask Rachel anything Long term listener, Cathy, has asked us some very heartfelt and important questions about how to support her teen at university. It's an excellent topic for us to tackle since Susie currently has one at university, I have one about to go, and two who have already graduated, one of whom gave me some excellent tips. It's a topic that evokes mixed-emotions for everyone. Here's what Cathy wrote: Please 'discuss how best to support your teen as they go off to university and liv...

Ask Rachel anything How do we raise teenagers who believe in themselves, cope with setbacks and keep going when things get difficult? And could some of the things we do to boost their confidence actually be making things worse? In this episode of Teenagers Untangled, I talk to Stanford psychologist Dr Greg Walton, author of Ordinary Magic, about the surprisingly small interventions that can have a profound effect on how young people see themselves and what they believe they are capable of. Te...

Ask Rachel anything First love can be immensely powerful; a profound and unforgetable journey that shapes who we are. It teaches us about intimacy, boundaries and heartbreak and as parents it challenges all of our skills and perceptions. In this episode my daughter, Phoebe, offered to talk about her first experience; what it taught her, how it changed her, and what she thinks adults need to understand to support their teen; particularly one who is same sex attracted. What I learned from...

Ask Rachel anything In this episode I asked Susie to come in and help me tackle some listener questions: QUESTION: After a recent chat with my 13 year old daughter, I'm extremely concerned that she thinks she is ready to have sex with her boyfriend. He's 14, and they have been going out together for a few months. Gosh, they've only recently started kissing. I have been fairly relaxed about it until this recent conversation, and she has told me about a number of girls and boys in her year at s...

Ask Rachel anything The intense, content-heavy exam system in the UK kicks off at this time of year with GCSEs and A levels; high-stakes exams that can feel like a make-or-break moment for teenagers. I've already discussed with Susie how we can support our teens through the stress, which you can download here: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/exam-revision-parenting-through-the-pressure/ This time I'm joined by journalist Jenny Anderson who writes extensively about education, the atte...

Ask Rachel anything What really shapes success — nature, nurture, luck? It's a perennial question. The Family Dynamic is a brilliant, captivating exploration of families in which all of the children became high-achievers. The award-winning author, Susan Dominus, has woven academic research into a book of wonderfully engaging family stories that tease out the role played by our environment: Parents with a bold vision, community, neighbourhoods, and most enlightening of all siblin...

Ask Rachel anything When I asked listeners for their questions one stood out as a worthy of almost an entire episode: 'What does it take to respect people around you, especially your parents?' There's so much that could be said on this topic that it think I might give it a deeper dive at some point, but the insight from my teens was very interesting nonetheless. Artificial Intelligence is everywhere in the news, but what I don't see is a coherent approach across education. Again, it's a...

Ask Rachel anything In this episode my teens, Phoebe and Amelia, joined me in the studio to help answer some questions emailed in by listeners, and sent to me on social media. We kick off by chatting about exploring their identity and what they think is the key to gettting them out of their bedrooms. QUESTIONS: 1: My 14 year old is such a lovely, talented and kind girl. She had lovely friends, and she's very sweet and kind towards them all the time. Exclamation mark, now when she is in ...

Ask Rachel anything So many parents feel a deep loss when their teenager begins to separate from them; staying in their room and behaving as if the person they used to adore is the most embarassing thing they have ever witnessed. In today's episode I brought in Anita Cleare, author of How to Get Your Teenager Out of Their Bedroom, to discuss the challenges of parenting teenagers. In her book she covers the key things that drive adolescents to push against us: 1. Sepa...

Ask Rachel anything In psychology, the term "identity" is most commonly used to describe the distinctive qualities or traits that make an individual unique. Identities are strongly associated with self-esteem, and individuality and - for a teenager - forming their identity is a crucial job. It's been over two years since I created the first episode looking at the topic of identity formation. In this episode I have pulled material from the orginal discussion, and brought in Susie to revi...

Ask Rachel anything I grew up believing in a meritocracy; with hard work - and government funding of my university education - I eventually escaped a difficult home and poor schooling to succeed in journalism. But times have moved on, and the reality now is that getting a university education is no longer the gateway it used to be. In fact, according to generational expert and historian, Dr Eliza Filby, our life chances and opportunities are no longer shaped by what we learn or earn bu...

Ask Rachel anything The mini-series, Adolescence, is a global hit, topping Netflix charts in 71 countries and amassing 24.3 million views in its first four days. It's sparked a global conversation about parenting, masculinity, and the impact of social media on young people. It's brilliance rests on holding up a mirror to everyone in society, showing us the complex factors that cause toxic ideas to take root. When I started this podcast I set out to create somewhere that is a safe...

Ask Rachel anything Empty nest syndrome is real, and can be very painful to navigate. I've already discussed it with Susie, including ideas for how we can manage our feelings in a positive way to help us move on. https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/empty-nest-how-to-cope-when-your-teen-moves-out-also-manners-what-are-they-and-what-should-we-te/But are we looking at it in the wrong way? Change management specialist, Hanna Bankier, hates the term empty nest because it has such negative con...

Ask Rachel anything Another day another newspaper headline that says young people aren't working. According to the Financial Times newspaper, 13.4 per cent of people in the United Kingdon in the 16 to 24 age group were not in employment education or training - “NEET” - at the end of last year. The ONS figures showed a higher rate of young men outside work or training, with 14.4 per cent of 16- to 24-year-olds classed as NEET compared with 12.3 per cent of young women. and mental health issues...

Ask Rachel anything How do you raise a child when the culture you're parenting in is very different from the one that raised you? And what happens when your teenager begins questioning the traditions, expectations and values that have shaped your family for generations? In this episode of Teenagers Untangled, I talk to Gen Z podcaster Amma Browngirl, who grew up in England in a Punjabi immigrant family, about what it feels like to be caught between two cultures — loving where you come from wh...

Ask Rachel anything Most teens go through a phase of being hyper-focused on looking good; whether it's clothes, bodybuilding, skin-care or makeup. What can seem like an obsession could be a normal part of the process, so when should we start to worry and how should we step up? When Clare wrote in worried about her daughter's skin-care regime she was hoping to get a teen perspective. Here's what she said. I would like you to advise on though and maybe your daughters can help? My 13...

Ask Rachel anything Before I had kids I literally had no real idea of what I should expect. I think that's partly why I have spent the years as a mother panicking and reading everything; having learnt that I was wrong about how complicated the job is. Susie and I are in a similar stage with our kids but feel differently about it, so I thought it would be lovely to bring her in to have an open, honest conversation about how the stages unfold and what it really feels like for us. Wh...

Ask Rachel anything Sponsored by JENZA Positively life changing is how I would sum up the time I spent working abroad during my gap year. I met people with a completely different world view, different language, and learnt to navigate many challenges alone. It gave me a positive, can-do attitude to life. Now my teens are 16 and 18, I want to make sure they have the confidence to meet whatever life throws at them head-on. Given my own experience, I'm convinced that a working holiday is an ideal...

Ask Rachel anything It's one thing to get advice on how to parent, it's another to have independent studies that give real evidence on how well one approach works rather than another. Faced with raising two young kids in a COVID lockdown, social scientist and skilled researcher Matilda Gosling looked for a book that gave her advice that was based on sound evidence. She discovered that such a book didn't exist, so set out to write it. Described by investigative journalist Hannah Barnes as '...

Ask Rachel anything Stress can be a major problem for parents who're constantly juggling tasks and responsibilities. The mental load can feel overwhelming at times and the list literally never ending. So when I discovered Sam Kelly has a brilliant way to: ✅Avoid burnout. ✅Have a happier home life. ✅Help our kids to be successful in life. ✅Avoid nagging. ✅Break the old stereotypes cycle. I had to get her on the show. A mother and feminist coach, Sam is teaching parents how to share the...

Ask Rachel anything We parents are deluding ourselves about how much our kids enjoy school, according to research for the book The Disengaged Teen. In survey responses 65% of parents thought their 10th grade kid loved school, whilst only 26% of 10th graders actually said they did. A lot of educators admit that things go wrong in the teen years, and many fine minds are trying to work on ways to tackle the problem. In the meantime huge numbers of teens spend most of their time disengaged. Som...

Ask Rachel anything There are siblings who love spending time with each other as often as possible, some tolerate it once or twice a year, and there are others who would rather eat glass than have to speak to each other. Why? What happens to their relationship? Is there something we parents can be doing to set our kids to be the ones who love and support each other as we age and after we die. When one listener asked for a deep dive on siblings who don’t talk to each other later in life it c...

Ask Rachel anything MAKING RESOLUTIONS: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/70-new-years-resolutions-love-them-or-loathe-them-the-question-is-how-can-we-make-them-work-for-u/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/Be-the-person-you-want-to-be-not-the-person-others-think-you-should-be/ PARENTING STRESS: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/109-parenting-stress-is-now-a-major-health-issue TOO MANY CHOICES: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/concentration-and-the-troubling-effect-of-too-many-c...

Ask Rachel anything Connection is at the root of human happiness, but staying connected through the turbulent teens and keeping family traditions and gatherings positive can be a challenge. In this episode we help Helen with her question about how to stay connected with her daughter who's on the brink of becoming a teenager. We also talk about hosting gatherings, drawing on advice from the expert, Priya Parker. How to put nutrients back into our family earth; avoid straying into topics th...