The Mean Time

PAT IS BACK FROM TOUR!!!! Maybe next time Macklemore can tag along! We heard he just became available!!!!! We don't know yet though, just an idea..

Chiara is back and has a lot on her mind including the surprise of the century, how to celebrate Labor Day the way a true American should and what her favorite Dragon Ball Z characters look like naked!!!!!!!!!!

Stick around for a massive surprise at the end of the episode and also we apologize for murdering Ikuyo. She didn't deserve it. AVAST YE MATEYS YA HAARRRGGGGGGG!!!!!!!

3, 6, 9! THE MEAN TIME! WE GONNA SOCK IT TO YA ONE MORE TIME! Sorry. Another absolute banger I gotta tell you these boys are on a roll so you can bet your bottom dollar the next episode is gonna suck! (Alternate Title: Bees In The Gazebo)

The boys went crazy on this one. We're talking Smart House, Steven Seagal, Amber Alerts, and Rigid Lines all before Rocking The Dragon for like 10 minutes with a special phone appearance from the Sweetest Baby of all time!

WE GOT NICK BACK ON THE POD BABY!!! Talking DBZ, Sushi, Seth Rollins, and The Odyssey. Is Pat the dumbest person in the world or is Jared a genius? I'll give you a hint, one of them is typing this right now!

SPIDER-MAN IS OUT AND THE BOYS HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT IT! Spoilers are an understatement so please proceed with caution but also go watch this movie are you out of your mind? Shout out George Bush.

Soccer Moms is on the podcast and they are stealing the show! We're talking about blind horses, Italian folks, and how Sebastian Maniscalco gives Chicago a bad name!

The boys discuss Chris Nolan's The Odyssey and Jared has very reasonable responses to Patrick's super valid opinions on it. You know like a normal episode of The Mean Time. Also your high school bully shows up at the end.

The boys discuss James Bond, The Matrix, The Lord Of The Rings, and Randy Rhodes... no not that one.

Welcome to the Church of Jared Gaines of Latter-Day Saints! It is also a pyramid scheme and a cult, the details get fuzzy. Stick around, Patrick will most certainly be doing an oiled up/tarp down thing after general mass!

WILL NEFF IS HERE AND HE IS WAY FUNNIER THAN US. This was a humbling 4th of July experience and if you see either one of us in an improv class after this just know that Will Neff shamed us there. What a wonderful guy and a wonderful time to be alive. USA! USA! USA! USA!

THANK YOU FOR 2 YEARS OF THE MEAN TIME AND WELCOME TO THE CELEBRATION!!! The most jam packed, all killer no filler, wild and exciting episode yet BY FAR. The boys take turns bringing in crazy surprises that will shock you and possibly kill you!!!

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED BY PATRICK AND JARED ABOUT JACKIE CHAN ARE ALL INCORRECT AND SHOULD NOT REFLECT ON THE MAN'S LEGACY OR MAYBE THEY SHOULD BUT REGARDLESS DON'T LISTEN TO US. Enjoy.

Jared gets Pat up to speed on the absolute SAGA that is Reckless Ben vs Bricks & Minifigs AND TELLS FUNNY JOKES LIKE HAHA FUNNY JOKES ABOUT BOMBS AND IT'S HAHA SO FUNNY JOKE TIME. Also the boys audition for a Dropout show.

THE BEAST INSIDE IS CHAINED NO LONGER. Watch the boys become the fallen angels they were always meant to be or something. Comment your favorite lyric to prove your inner darkness is wild and untamed!

WHAT A HACK!!! Jared finds a bunch of really super healthy and sustainable ways to lose weight and that makes Patrick scared and jealous of his lifestyle and physique. Patrick is very sorry for all the native people living on endoctored land and he will vote for whoever you think is best in the upcoming election to change that or keep it the same.

The boys celebrate their 100th episode with five puppies!!! And almost all of them lived so that's good! We do a little Q&A from our Patrons. Love ya'll, thank you for supporting the show! Check out Pawsitive Beginnings LA!

Carter Ace joins the boys and they discuss Rush Hour, Madea, and Michael Jackson while Pat gets a much needed shave!

Jared let's loose and that's a big mistake. Maybe Pat will ride off into the sunset on a Harley Davidson about it. Regardless the boys are talking Michael and Avengers Doomsday and what to do if a girl is bullying you in school.

Honestly at this point they probably needed to get that out of their systems or else who knows what they would've done.

If you're a nerd or a Christian, you're gonna love this one.

The boys are trapped in the Adirondacks and the only way out is to uhhh... The boys take a trip to Boston where everyone says uhhh... The boys think that all the Juggalos should uhh... Well why don't you tune in and all will be revealed!

WE APOLOGIZE FOR NOTHING AND WE SERVE NO MASTER. Che Durena is on The Mean Time and Jared and Patrick have been fully stunlocked. I'd like to tell you what was said in this episode but the whole thing feels like a salvia trip and I feel dumber having watched it.

IT'S SO HAAAAARD TO SAY GOODBYEEEE TO BUTTERFREEEEEEE!!!! Welcome to Jared's newest hyper-fixation and Pat's newest nightmare! Watch the boys try to win over TBS to finally get that show they've been talking about!

(Patreon Shoutout is at 14:45) Well it finally happened. Pat set a swift pace that Jared just couldn't match. Audio listeners I want you to genuinely describe what you think Pat looks like from context clues alone. May God have mercy on your souls.

Pat does his best cougar impression while Jared recovers from a trip to the emergency room and the recent death of Mark the producer! Tropic Thunder is the greatest movie ever filmed!

Stand Up Comedian Wyatt Feegrado AKA Jesus Christ of Nazareth has joined the podcast and shockingly brings up Pokemon before Pat gets a chance! Strap in for a wild ride while the boys talk about Catholicism, Osama Bin Laden, and the difference between LA homeless and San Diego homeless!

GUESS WHO'S BACK BACK BACK, BACK AGAIN GAIN GAIN, JARED'S BACK BACK BACK, TELL A FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND!!! Everyone report to the podcast studio and witness Pat dressed up in a skimpy lil outfit for the second week in a row if you can believe it. You can tell Jared's back because he won't shut up about how we used to live in a society!

I'M SEEING DOUBLE. Honey Revenge joins Patrick for the last day of Black History Month. LETS GO. Have fun!

Gabe and Luke from the podcast TRAPPED ON THE INTERNET join Patrick while Jared is gone! So much check out their show and socials! I'll see ya with another special guest next week!

Come with us on an adventure from ancient Egypt to Babylon all the way to Macedonia because Jared got it confused with Mesopotamia! We're talkin kinks! We're talkin 9/11! Tony has returned from the dead! WE'RE COMIN AT YA LIVE!

"Belle Delphine sells her bath water one time and now I can't wear sandals!" STRAP IN MEANIES THE DOGS ARE OUT.

Expanding the Mangoose Cinematic Universe, Old Sauce and White Wolf enter the fray! Honestly this one is a bit front loaded A BIT TOP HEAVY you could say. Stick around until the end for a disgustingly sweet message from Jared to his wife!

EARNING OUR PAYCHECKS WITH THIS ONE FOLKS. Hey, you kids remember 2003? I sure hope you do, otherwise none of this is going to make any friggin sense. SLOP IS OUT BY THE WAY AYOOOOOOOO

Get ready for a RAD and EXTREME TIME here at The Mean Time! Jared goes full Chinese while Pat lurks on the playground and Jaws stomps a fat ollie from the CN Tower! SAIL!

The Mangoose Rises and the Slop is endless. This city reeks of sin, and somebody is stealing all of the Cobra Converters. Local law enforcement is dragging their feet, slumped over donuts and cold coffee while crime runs rampant. Meanwhile, a hot new song is taking over the city and infecting young minds everywhere. And I'm only one Mangoose.

Welcome back to another episussy of The Mean Tussy! Patrussy and Jarussy talk Avatussy, Matthew McConaughussy, and of course, The New Yussy! Sorry.

HAPPY BOXING DAY FROM THE MEAN TIME TO YOU! This is easily our raunchiest episode yet so apologies to our parents and future children. Unfortunately this episode is so graphic that you'll have to watch with an adult present so go find one, apologize to them as well, and get ready for some uncomfortable glances!

Hey guys, Jared here. Converting to Buddhism is no laughing matter. I'd like to set the record straight by apologizing for my jokes about the Buddha and his teachings, my intention is to spread joy. I cannot, however, speak for Matthew Quran-aughey who seems to be taking advantage of a religion for personal gain. I will devote my time to the studies of the Tripitaka to make up for any offense I may have caused. Thank you and God bless America.

PAT IS BACK! Warning: The stunts in this podcast were performed by professionals, so for your safety and the protection of those around you, do not attempt any of the stunts you're about to see. If you're reading this now, comment "We get it Pat, you tour." for an opportunity to hurt Pat's feelings and make yourself feel better.

We set the record straight on Patrick's thoughts on women as well as Patrick's straightness... Jared and Pat are back together next week LET GO

THE MEAN TIME ON THE ROAD BABYYY! Patrick sits down with his new friends in Action/Adventure. Head on over to YouTube there's a lot of visuals in this one.

Aunty Koala and Father Time spend their final day together before she tragically boards a United Airlines flight to the land down under. Movie reviews, a terrible birthday experience at a fancy sushi place, and The Redneck Comedy Roundup was unfortunately not enough to get her to stay so we must bid her a doo. A DOO, KOALA!

¡MI AMOR! Welcome to another episode of...how you say... ¡THE MEAN TIME! We are burning with the intense passion of an oven set to 500 degrees... ¡CELSIUS! Join us for an hour of love and desire while we unravel the mysteries of the heart and watch Chiara get absolutely wasted on video... ¡BIENVENIDOS!

First of all, a big thank you to Bearpunch for hosting us at their beautiful studio, they made us look incredible. Second of all, IT'S KOALA TIME because Chiara is here as a full-fledged-honest-to-goodness-bonafide-chair-sitting-camera-focused-dialogue-having guest. And she has A LOT to say.

Jared gets so passionate that his microphone can't even handle the sheer charisma and malfunctions so hard that the whole entire episode sounds crispy crunchy! Happy Halloween, thanks to all of the Patrons who submitted their problems for the advice column, and welcome to the world, Kyler Brantleigh!

A very special and interesting and fun episode is coming at you and you think it is very fun and special and interesting. In fact, it may be your favorite episode of this show to date. You will continue to watch this show until instructed otherwise. There is no war in Ba Sing Se.

You had it too good for too long, dirtbags. The boys are turning heel and not even MarcTheFrog and his egg collection can save you. Now let's see if we can manage to keep Pat around for another 351 episodes.

WE'RE GOING TO BANGKOK (Sorry Brazil) Welcome to our new temporary podcast space! It's a small box made of glass and felt and there's a guy that walks around looking at us and it's on a busy and trashy Hollywood street and it's actually causing me a lot of stress just to type this out, see you in Thailand.

Tragedy strikes as the boys go for gold in the 2024 Summer Olympics! Will Pat wake up so they can rise to the challenge and taste sweet victory, or will they doze off into agonizing defeat in F*!#$@ING FRANCE? Find out next time on DRAGON BALL Z!!!!! The Mean Time on Idobi Radio! Hosted by Patrick Gilchrist and Jared Gaines! TUNE IN EVERY TUESDAY AT 6PM EST AND STREAM WHEREVER YOU LISTEN TO PODCASTS!

Oh hark Caesar look out Brutus right behind you with the knife oh god oh no Caesar nooooooooooooo!!!!! The Mean Time on Idobi Radio! Hosted by Patrick Gilchrist and Jared Gaines! TUNE IN EVERY TUESDAY AT 6PM EST AND STREAM WHEREVER YOU LISTEN TO PODCASTS!

My name is Hacha Chacha, and here is my spiel: A diabolical plan with lots of appeal! Spreading out bananas, out far and wide, and fixin’ up the folk for a slippery slide! The Mean Time on Idobi Radio! Hosted by Patrick Gilchrist and Jared Gaines! TUNE IN EVERY TUESDAY AT 6PM EST AND STREAM WHEREVER YOU LISTEN TO PODCASTS!

Sasquatch Vs. Lumberjack, Wet Anime Wigs, and ASMR plant stacking! The Mean Time on Idobi Radio! Hosted by Patrick Gilchrist and Jared Gaines! TUNE IN EVERY TUESDAY AT 6PM EST AND STREAM WHEREVER YOU LISTEN TO PODCASTS!

Dane cook, if you’re reading this, we’d love to have you on the show! The Mean Time on Idobi Radio! Hosted by Patrick Gilchrist and Jared Gaines! TUNE IN EVERY TUESDAY AT 6PM EST AND STREAM WHEREVER YOU LISTEN TO PODCASTS!

This one right here goes out to all the baby's mamas' mamas, mamas, mamas, baby mamas' mamas, and the rest of the women all over the world.

Jared is TICKED OFF and Pat doesn't know why. I wonder if it has anything to do with the Mooseman? Regardless, if you go to Jimmy John's, don't shame yourself by getting a pizza sandwich, you're better than that. Instead, help yourself to a fresh bowl of CT Crunch.

The Mean Time is not responsible for any botched Portuguese because everyone tried real hard and we love Brazil.

Jared pays his and Pat's rent with more loud obnoxious singing bits in maybe the first fully music-focused episode of a show that was supposed to be about music.

Aaron Gillespie of Underoath kicks it with the boys and talks smack about a few very high profile music industry professionals. However, we decided to cut all of that out to focus on even juicier content...stories about his vasectomy.

A COUPLE OF FRESH AND FINE LOOKIN BOYS HAVE ABDUCTED AND REPLACED OUR HOSTS AND SENT THEM TO THE CHROMITE MINES WHERE THEY WILL LIVE OUT THE REST OF THEIR DAYS IN TORMENT AND EXHAUSTION FOR THEIR VARIOUS CRIMES. New guys look good though.

We took 160,000 rowdy college girls from Miami Beach and through a combined air, land, and sea assault, facilitated the largest amphibious invasion in the history of warfare and put it all on a 3-DVD set that can be yours for only 19.95!

The boys are on one wild ride! Crusty Rhodes makes his in-ring debut against Crick Flair, Olive Garden is serving bottomless AI pasta, and Valjean spills Jared's darkest secrets to Patrick. Enjoy the slop, piggies!

You've heard of The Mean Time. You've even heard of The Jean Time. But this summer... nothing can prepare you for... THE GREEN TIME. Will the madness ever end? When will we wake up from this nightmare? Why did Jared even buy those pants? What occasion calls for pants that green? Tune in and find out!

We don’t jean to offend anyone with this episode of The Jean Time. We tried to keep this one nice and jean for you guys. Never in our wildest jeans did we ever think we’d get to talk about what we talked about in this one. You can buy all the clothes you see in this episode on Jean.

Rest in peace to the Oz-Man who was the lead singer of Metallica and who’s biggest song is Bohemian Rhapsody and I apologize for Pat’s lack of knowledge about literally everything in the entirety of the scope of the comprehendible world.

We shot an episode outside because we’re so ambitious. The audio sounds like ass because we wanted to reach for the stars. One camera on the video this week because we wanted to be fun and interesting. Like 7 planes interrupt the flow of conversation because we wanted to do this one outside. Enjoy.

Pat sniffs out an early screening of Superman and meets the cast at a Hollywood red carpet event while Jared weighs himself down on the Go Kart track by eating a whole mess of Tater Tots. Milking NickelJack? Milking MichaelBack?

JAYCE ON THE PODCAST! We’re talking Animorphs, Star Wars, and wait… What’s that at the end of the episode…?

Jared and Pat celebrate ONE WHOLE YEAR of the podcast, ONE WHOLE YEAR of fun, and ONE WHOLE YEAR of getting away with stealing babies all around the world!

Jared watches a bunch of Digimon and then has to eat a slice of humble pie while typing this description because it’s actually really good. Special thanks to JB for having a big funny soundbite once a year!

Jared had a coffee and Nick is here with a cat and Pat’s nose is HUGE! Also we respond to being posted in the H3H3 subreddit and Jared tells some stories about teenage self-pleasure!

The boys take on some serious political topics including the Ukraine War, the ongoing Israeli/Palestinian Conflict, and BONKing their manhood with a cartoon mallet.

I hope you’re very well aware of who Sebastian Maniscalco is because if not, this episode will make absolutely no sense to you. Good luck and praise God.

This week’s episode was brought to you by Dragon D’s and was originally aired at SawCon. We’d like to thank our special guests, Bofa and Eden, and we’d like to remind you that CD’s of this episode are still on sale. Friendly reminder that all characters imitated in this episode are just parodies.

We sincerely hope that you enjope this new episope all about the pope from chicagope OH GOOD GOD IS THAT GRAVEDIGGER??? AW YEAAAAHHH!!!

Jared hears a wild new DJO song about stealing babies, Pat imagines what WW2 would be like in the 1980s, and the boys discuss the political and economic state of the world right now.

If you thought we were kidnapping babies house to house 2 weeks in a row, you’d be dead wrong. We’re eating them now. Buy a shirt.

That should be me, stealing your child. That should be me, let me have it for a while. This is so wrong, this ain’t a song, give it to meeeeeee!

Jared teaches Pat how to become a high value male for like 45 minutes and then just explodes all over him for the grand finale.

We got a heater for you this week and papas want to play a game with you. If you can count exactly how many IP references we make in this episode, you could win an extended stay vacation at the beautiful psych ward in the next town over.

Please eat food while enjoying this episode. It’s not as funny, entertaining, or otherwise unless you have a mouthful of something tasty and maybe a bit sloppy, maybe a nice lasagna or a homemade corn chowder!

Apologies to the audio listeners, this one is almost exclusively visual bits so just use your imagination!

This week on The Mean Time Action News: Jared reports on an ongoing alien invasion in Oklahoma, Patrick stalks and ambushes an imposter Jon Bellion in a Starbucks, and rapper B.O.B. dies in a tragic SpaceX rocket explosion.

O, weary traveler, thy journey is fair and true but to continue on thine path, riddles three must be answered. Firstly, when doth the sale cometh for Nike sneakers, white as snow? Secondly, can’st thou doeth a Sebulba impression? And lastly, dost thou haveth a feet thing?

You know how sometimes you wanna treat yourself so you buy a nice steak to cook for dinner but you don’t usually cook steak and you burn it and over season it but it’s still a $37 filet mignon so you eat it anyway? Well this episode is kind of like that!

GUESS WHO’S BACK BACK BACK BACK AGAIN GAIN GAIN JARED’S BACK BACK BACK TELL A FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND

UPSAHL IS HERE! Jared is still down under. Find out if Pat knows how to talk to girls! (he doesn’t)

JARED IS GONE! DON’T CLICK OFF, DON’T CLICK OFF! GIVE US A CHANCE. I KNOW I’M JUST ON THE PODCAST AS EYE CANDY BUT WE CAN BE FUNNY TOO I SWEAR.

There once was a man with a kink, whose nose was so big it could think. He’d stick that nose between his toes and splooge as fast as a blink! Subscribe to our Patreon.

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Now dig this. You just stepped into the smoothest episode yet, so wipe your shoes if they’re wet. We’re keeping it funky and groovy for the third Now You See Me movie. Now relax and sit tight, The Blind Idiot God, Azathoth is gonna make everything alright. Sa Da Tay!

We breakdance on Nosferatu’s thang, Pat considers dance lessons, and Big Bad Jawed is afwaid of a wittw bitty snake. Plus, a New Year’s resolution segment from the Meanie Babies on Discord.

WE SHOVELED SH*T SO HIGH IN THE DESERT WE COULDN’T TELL IF IT WAS MUD. JUST FOR SOME LIB RECEPTACLES TO DICHOT ON A SOLDIER WHO FOUGHT FOR YOUR RIGHTS. IT MAKES ME AT NAUSEOUS. join the discord.

In Game 5 of the ’97 NBA Finals, Michael Jordan willed his way to a victory, scoring 38 points while suffering from the flu. Now, in Episode 27 of The Mean Time, Jared faces similar odds as he battles his own flu. Will he rise to the occasion like MJ? No, he will not. This episode is a tough listen.

Here’s a list of the top 10 highest paid CEOs of 2024! Jon Winkelried, Harvey Schwartz, Hock Tan, Nikesh Arora, Sue Nabi, George Mattson, Stephen Schwarzman, Christopher Winfrey, Pablo Legorreta, and Ariel Emanuel! Knowledge is power!

Honestly it was unfair of you guys to put such undue pressure on us to be as funny as we were in the last episode. It’s not our fault that you can’t manage your expectations. Get over yourself, no one’s making you be here.

NARROW BOY IS BACK WE ARE SO BACK WE’RE TALKIN SEX WITH SMASH BROS AND SEX WITH HARRY POTTER AND SEX WITH EACH OTHER AND BULLYING A 3 YEAR OLD YES YES YES YES YES YES YES