Three Bean Salad

Taxi drivers in the UK are exempt from having to wear seatbelts so that their passengers have one less thing to strangle them with mid-journey - a sobering little fact and one which perhaps illustrates the nature of the relationship between cabbies and their fares through the ages. Thanks to Phil of Utrecht for suggesting taxis as this week’s topic for the podcast (which has always been and remains steadfastly anti-strangle).

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Goodbye to the Hyundai video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7vC6zxNKBI

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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It is known that EVERY event is better when punctuated by songs (hence hymns, national anthems, Auld Lang Syne etc). It stands to reason therefore that the musical is the apogee of human endeavour. Can you imagine then the excitement of the beans when this week’s topic was barfed out of The Bean Machine and musicals is what it turned out to be???!!!! Thanks to Sophie of somewhere probably for this perfectly judged suggestion.

Tickets for Henry's tour: henrypaker.com

Tickets for Mike's tour: mrmikewozniak.com

Tickets for Beef And Dairy Network at the London Podcast Festival

IN HALL: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/podcast/beef-and-dairy-network-podcast-5/

STREAMING: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/podcast/beef-and-dairy-network-podcast-online/

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

Merch available here: www.threebeansaladshop.com

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No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until September)

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No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (it's a five Wednesday July and we only do four episodes a month because of Andy Burnham)

Whatever happened to The Frog Chorus? Were Paul McCartney’s erstwhile collaborators merely one hit wonders? Or, more than four decades on from the release of their smash hit single “We All Stand Together”, might we see them dusting off their vocal sacs and hitting the road alongside so many other ’80s pop sensations? Mayhap they’ll headline next year’s Glastonbury? No way of knowing. And this is certainly not discussed in the podcast at all. But what is discussed, thanks to Glen of Okazaki, Japan, is the topic of frogs.

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Ben's Dr Chance video can be found here: https://youtu.be/EtQUemmMQDg?si=g1eOYNG37Mw11U3l

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Can anything ever truly be still (apart from David Blaine)? Perhaps this is what Lou of Bend, Oregon would have the beans ponder by suggesting “stationary” as this week’s topic. Or perhaps Lou is in the middle of getting stalked by a brown bear and, while playing dead and only able to operate a mobile telephone from inside the pocket of a pair of waterproof trousers, thought posting this suggestion into the bean machine would be the quickest and surest way to get help.

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Samuel of 84a High Street selects village fêtes as this week’s topic for the beans. You may well ask yourself why Samuel has made this choice and wonder if perhaps Samuel was never voted as Village Fête Prince or if Samuel’s motorised float never podiumed or if Samuel shoved his hand in a lucky dip barrel and pulled it out again expecting to be holding a prize only to find his fingers had been replaced with very long springs but Samuel’s motive for his choice is Samuel’s business and Samuel’s business alone.

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With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

Tickets for Henry's tour: www.henrypaker.com

Ticket's for Benjamin's Beef And Dairy Network live show: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/podcast/beef-and-dairy-network-podcast-5/

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Plumbers. Noon. The Planets. Just a few of the things that probably wouldn’t even exist today if it weren’t for the Roman Empire probably. And here’s another one: Luke from Bolton via Bremen. Little wonder then that he chose it as this week’s topic for the Three Bean Salad Podcast (which definitely would have existed either way).

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Seaside towns have had a shaky reputation ever since the people of Hastings lifted the rope for those meddlesome Normans. Almost a millennium on is it time their notoriety was reassessed? Owen of Rhyl thinks yes and that the people for the task are beans three.

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People often say it’s not the size of a clown’s trousers that matters but the state of the custard pie in the clown’s pocket. Perhaps that’s something we should all reflect on more deeply with peak circus season fast approaching. No doubt that’s what Charlotte was thinking when she luzzed “The Circus” into the Bean Machine for use as this week’s topic.

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Agatha Christie has had her works translated into more languages than any other author in history according to the most superficial of Googlings. But would she have given a monkey’s? It’s impossible to know and fruitless to ask so why Alan of the Surrey Borders entered her name into the Bean Machine is a mystery the likes of which even Jack Reacher would struggle to solve but we’re here now so let’s all make the most of it.

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Munashe of Birmingham kicks of a new season of the Three Bean Salad by feeding the topic of martial arts into the Bean Machine. So far the Bean Machine hasn’t awoken abruptly from a deep trance-like state to say the words “I know Kung Fu” but you’ll know when it does because it will quickly lead to an extinction level event.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Details of Henry's tour here: henrypaker.com

Details of Mike's tour here: mrmikewozniak.com

A freebie Patreon episode to give you a taste of what we do over there.

Henry tells Mike and Ben three stories by the Brothers Grimm.

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No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (it's a five Wednesday April and we only do four episodes a month because of tidal science)

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The bean machine emits most known smells most days as a byproduct of its relentless toil. In a few short moments the aromas belched forth could be resinous, minty, jazzy, agricultural or anything in between. Something it has never spat out, however, is the topic of smells but that’s all changed now thanks to Andrew of Bremen, Dorset. Tune in for a gripping discourse on the difference between Eau de Cologne (water from the city of Cologne) and Odour Cologne (the smell of the city of Cologne which is Eau de Cologne which is water from the city of Cologne) and more!!!

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Details of Henry's tour here: henrypaker.com

Sponsor John Robins's marathon running here: https://www.justgiving.com/page/johnrobins

Josh of Deep South Texas brings the beans (via the bean machine) the topic of vitamins this week. Perfect timing as this week sees the launch of Three Bean Salad’s Vita-Plex injections for glossier skin and lukewarmer banter. For just 99.99.99 in any currency of your choice you can receive bi-weekly* intravenous pints of Vita-Plex. Vita-Plex contains an unique blend of vitamins, minerals and matter tested by “scientists” who promise they’ve done their own research and that’s the Three Bean Salad guarantee!!!

*whether you interpret this as twice a week or once every two weeks will have no bearing on pricing or clinical impact.

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The Moon landings. The fall of the Berlin Wall. The conviction of Al Capone. Everyone remembers exactly where they were when the news broke of these landmark moments in history. Well get memorising your surroundings people because it’s about to happen again. That’s right. None of your common-or-garden bean-machine-spewed topics this week. Oh no. Prepare to drink in a world first and please welcome the inaugural episode of a podcast format that takes The Rule Book, tears it to shreds then pickles it to prevent spoilage in case it turns out we need it later after all - it’s “Show us your onions!”.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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This week the Bean Machine stopped weeping tears of fresh, semi-skimmed milk for the first time in four years and spat out the topic of saints as submitted by Nathan of Bristol. Which cosmic force acted through Nathan to prompt his submission we cannot know. Nor indeed is it clear if this is the only time Nathan has been used as a sacred conduit or if it occurs frequently. If the latter, is Nathan aware of what is happening? And is he using it for good or is he diverting this otherworldly force for things like avoiding traffic jams and making meringues with lovely, stiff peaks? Sounds like it’s time for an investigation by the Bishop of Bristol, P.I.!

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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What truly separates mankind from other species is our irrepressible urge to shove things that are far bigger than the aperture of our dwellings into our dwellings. Some members of mankind will, at points in their lives, increase the size of their dwellings or move to bigger dwellings, but it is implicitly understood that the aperture into this dwelling must remain the same size so that oversized objects can still be acquired and shoved through it, thus sating mankind’s purest impulse. Perhaps Roy of Spalding is, as we speak, proudly and sweatily draped across a big thing he has freshly shoved into his own dwelling. Perhaps he is lodged between his front door frame and the arm rest of a sumptuous leather sofa. Either way what is on his mind is moving house and that is this week’s (perpetually relevant) topic for the beans.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Charlie of Loughborough feeds The Olympics into the bean machine for this week’s lukewarm topic. Any of Henry, Mike or Ben could definitely have been a gold medal winning olympian if they’d only had the right opportunities, encouragement, childhood pets, funding, early surgical interventions, talent profile, genetic modification and work ethic so this is a subject close to their hearts.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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The chicken. Tuna Of The Fields. The Bishop’s Rest. The Pauper’s Goose. Captain Susan’s Seed Hoover. El Punzón Que Vuela. The Crap Eagle. That it goes by so many names is, perhaps, proof of its profound impact on our culture through the ages. Katherine of Boston can surely be forgiven then for selecting chickens as this week’s topic for the beans.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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The coastguard is this week’s topic at the behest of Cat of Ontario, Canada. Given the fact that Canada is the nation with the longest coastline in the world perhaps Cat is hoping to find out whether or not Canada also has the longest coastguards? Although, if so, given that Cat is not only from Canada but is also a member of the the Canadian Coastguard, this seems like the sort of thing they could have found out for themselves. But then again maybe that won’t come up.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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According to facts there are more roads in the world now than at any point in history: the A49, Route Sixty-Something, Thunder Road etc and so on. Surely, therefore, there is no better time than now to buckle up and listen to a podcast about road trips. Thanks to Josh of Bristol for the topic and remember the rubber don’t burn when the banter’s lukewarm.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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The Caveman. Stone Age creature. Witness of the dawn of humanity. He knows only that he must survive and that he must survive only to procreate so that one fine, lukewarm dawn his afterbears might emerge from the cave with enough opposable brain cells to be able to work out how to record a podcast. Thank you to Isaac of London for this crucial topic.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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If a tree fell in the forest and made no sound why do you remember it so clearly? And when was this? Pre-Covid? And what on Earth was Derek doing there? And why does this memory have an original score composed by Sting and is that score what’s muddying the whole “did the tree make a sound” waters in the first place? Thanks to Danielle from The Halifax for selecting this week’s topic - memory. Or was it Daniella from The Horsham?

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Emily of Oxford tunes in to the vibes of a brand new year and reckons what the world needs to hear about from the beans is bodybuilders. It’s a well judged move and who better to pick the perfectly toned meat off this topic than three men who at any point in their lives could have tried a bit of bodybuilding or read about it or watched a bit on the the telly if they could have been arsed.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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The beans convene an emergency Film Corner to watch James Cameron's latest visit to the alien paradise of Pandora.

Film Corner episodes are usually Patreon-only. To join our Patreon visit http://www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

For reasons we can't fully remember, last year at Ratmas-tide we read out 12 rat anecdotes sent in by listeners. Well, it's back again and this time it's live and writhing, like so many rats. Merry Ratmas!

Thanks to our pianist Freddie Tapner and our guest Isy Suttie.

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Tickets for our live shows at Machynlleth Comedy Fest:

Saturday 2nd May - https://machcomedyfest.co.uk/show/2026/three-bean-salad-live-at-machfest-2026/

Sunday 3rd May - https://machcomedyfest.co.uk/show/2026/three-bean-salad-podcast-live-at-machfest-2026/

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The very latest statistics make it clear that, given the pervasiveness of organised crime worldwide, at least 2 regular listeners of Three Bean Salad must be directly involved in some Mob or other (and most likely at a middle-management level). But who are they? And do they know each other? Are they sworn enemies or, given their shared life experience, might they be able to develop a soul-nourishing friendship if they could only drop the street tough outer crust for 5 ruddy minutes??!! Ta very much to Diogo of Lisbon for gifting this week’s topic to the Bean Machine (which is organised crime obvs).

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and bonus/video episodes: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

Tickets for our live shows at Machynlleth Comedy Fest:

Saturday 2nd May - https://machcomedyfest.co.uk/show/2026/three-bean-salad-live-at-machfest-2026/

Sunday 3rd May - https://machcomedyfest.co.uk/show/2026/three-bean-salad-podcast-live-at-machfest-2026/

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How and where and why and when and if do you wash your undergarments? Presumably this is a conversation Douglas from Michigan wishes to prompt across the world as he top-loads laundry into the bean machine and sets it to lukewarm without a second thought as to whether or not Bonjo’s in the middle of boil washing his banjo britches.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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The beans return refreshed, carefully groomed and oiled in all the right places for a new season of lukewarm banter. First up: neighbours, courtesy of Nicole of Oregon. Tune in for a heady mix of truth bombs and real talk washed down with half a pint of nitty-gritty.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Tickets for our live streams for our London tour date: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/three-bean-salad-6-dec-online/

Bonjo's House Of Pain: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/three-bean-salad-presents-bonjos-house-of-pain-live-online-stream/

and Ratmas: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/three-bean-salad-presents-ratmas-live-online-stream/

New merch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.com

For Mike's tour info: www.mrmikewozniak.com

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until December)

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Tickets for our Glasgow show, plus live streams for our London tour date, Bonjo's House Of Pain and Ratmas: https://littlewander.co.uk/tours/three-bean-salad-podcast/

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (it's a five Wednesday July and we only do four episodes a month because of mindfulness)

Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and bonus/video episodes: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

Tickets for our Glasgow show, plus live streams for our London tour date, Bonjo's House Of Pain and Ratmas: https://littlewander.co.uk/tours/three-bean-salad-podcast/

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As our days grow shorter and our ear hair grows longer what better to reflect upon than the righteous placement of bollards and ethical commercial land zoning. Thank you then to Dan from Saint Bremen who has offered up town planning as this week’s source of lukewarm banter. Whatever you think you thought you remembered you knew about town planning, prepare to have a cost-effective, zero-emission, fully-accessible ideas-tramway built right through the middle of it.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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To watch Benjamin's short film, Daddy Superior, click here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YY2xsuHcDkI

For Mike's tour info: www.mrmikewozniak.com

Tickets for our Glasgow show, plus live streams for our London tour date, Bonjo's House Of Pain and Ratmas: https://littlewander.co.uk/tours/three-bean-salad-podcast/

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Even the most disciplined podcasters in the world are susceptible to the occasional whoopsie. So it is with this episode which, owing to circumstances outside but mostly inside the beans’ control, contains no listener topic suggestion but does contain a discourse on donkey milk soap which probably would have come up from the bean machine soon enough anyway to be fair.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

Tickets for our UK TOUR available here: https://littlewander.co.uk/tours/three-bean-salad-podcast/

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It’s a lukewarm take on the Antarctic this week owing to the actions of Mark from near Colliers Wood. We all know that the Antarctic holds strong appeal for scientists who either A) can’t work out how else to avoid a conventional domestic life or B) are waiting out the clock on a statute of limitations in their home nation. But what on Earth is in it for the penguins? What have they got to prove? And do their feet ever stick to the ice when they have a waddle-pause? Answers on a postcard please and in the meantime enjoy what we assume is a world first: a podcast episode recorded by people actually physically in the same room.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

Tickets for our UK TOUR available here: https://littlewander.co.uk/tours/three-bean-salad-podcast/

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Lee of the Black Country wants the beans discuss Sunday roasts this week, presumably because he’s not allowed to have one himself this weekend. But why not? Was he rude to a policeman? Did he throw a wobbly when feeling overwhelmed at an unanticipated bridge toll-booth? Has he been telling fibs about Gerard Butler? Either way the beans are happy to oblige and give Lee and you the next best thing audio wise.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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In WW2 a shortage of materials led to parachute silk often being recycled into knickers and vice versa. In honour of this the beans continue to send their underpants to His Majesty’s Armed Forces today, even in peacetime. But who the blazes is using this precious commodity for recreational purposes and why? Luckily Tom of Bristol has suggested extreme sports as this week’s topic so expect answers within.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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This week the beans tackle kitchen gadgets thanks to Tymon of Poland. Currently there are no legal restrictions on or requirements for the personal use of vegetable spiralizers in domestic, industrial, galley or toy kitchens. We exist in a legislative black hole so this episode couldn’t be more timely.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Fundraising for Battersea Dogs & Cats Home in memory of Bluebell: https://www.justgiving.com/page/tbs-battersea

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People are known to have travelled from Bristol to Australia and vice versa on various occasions and sometimes more than once. Given these strong links it shouldn’t come as a shock that Loz of Bristol reckons this week’s topic for the beans ought to be Australia. Let’s bean.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Sam of Aurora slung noodles into the bean machine, and the beans attacked it with relish, going deep on the topic in such a way that you'll never look at a noodle, or even tagliatelle, in the same way again. You thought you knew what noodles were, well think on friend. And then think some more, and some more. And you still won't get close to the paradigm-shifting lukewarm power of the beans.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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A freebie Patreon episode to give you a taste of the sort of thing we do over there.

Henry tells Mike and Ben the story of Hans The Hedgehog.

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No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until September)

Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and bonus episodes: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

TOUR TICKETS: https://littlewander.co.uk/tours/three-bean-salad-podcast/

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (it's a five Wednesday July and we only do four episodes a month because of an EU directive)

Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

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Hailey of Guildford offers up hiking as a topic for the beans this week which is nothing to be ashamed of. Just as the cardinal rule of the hiker is to leave no trace of themselves on the landscape, the lukewarm banter of the beans will pass through your mindscape with the firm promise to leave no memorable impression of any kind. 

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Henry Widdicombe's new comic, How To Survive An Affair: https://goshlondon.com/how-to-survive-an-affair-1/

Gareth Gwynn's show Cyril at the Camden Fringe: https://camdenfringe.com/events/gareth-gwynn-cyril/

Queen Vic, Lil’ Drina, Granny Europe, The Windsor Widow, The Saxe-Coburg Slicker, Big Bo Peep. Whatever you call her, Queen Victoria still holds the record for the monarch with the most pubs and Spice Girls named after them. No wonder Pete from Derby wanted a lukewarm lens cast over her - and he knew just the beans for the job.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Match Of The Day. Big Break. Bullseye. All of the major British sports have been comprehensively covered by television for decades - except archery. Looks like it’s time for the beans to pick up where television couldn’t be arsed. Ta very much to Charis of Los Angeles for this week’s topic (which is archery btw).

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Dr G has the beans get all lukewarm under the collar about seagulls this week. Voted the animal least likely to be of any use in warfare four years running and Time Magazine’s “Worst Pet Experiment” (2003), the seagull is largely unloved by its human neighbours. Indeed a major survey by Ipsos MORI discovered that 99.23% of seagull based anecdotes cast the seagulls as the villain of the piece (and the remaining 0.77% were believed to be fabricated). Can the beans find an upside to the seagull? Or will its upside simply be covered in the shit from another seagull at higher altitude?

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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The presumably unreconstructed Nick of Chicago feeds “Old Wives’ Tales” into the Bean Machine which spew-jects it just at the moment the beans are after a topic so that’s what it is. Is there no such thing as an “Old Husbands’ Tale” because husbands have no tales? Or because they typically die younger and therefore before reaching tale-telling maturity? The beans don’t know and make no effort to go into it whatsoever.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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They say if you remember the 60s then you didn’t really do yourself any serious brain damage in the 60s. Perhaps someone in that situation would be well placed to offer some thoughts on arguably the most famous decade of all time. Gabby of Worthing eschews such a source and instead seeks definitive banter on the 60s from the three beans who, between them, own almost one Lovin’ Spoonful CD.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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The beans have avoided it for as long as possible but Roddy of London has spoken and what he spake is “Moths”. This could be a fearsomely difficult listen for anyone with a loathing of moths or this podcast. The beans, however, are inexorably drawn to lukewarm banter just as the badger is drawn to the dual carriageway and so they chat the chat that must finally be chatted.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Sean of Exeter kicks off a hot summer of lukewarm banter by suggesting the beans discuss wild camping. Sub-topics could but don’t include how to make a tent out of your own trousers, evading predators by setting them against each other and if “north” is effectively the top of a huge ball, will your compass still work if that ball rolls a bit?

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until June).

Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and bonus episodes: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

TOUR TICKETS: https://littlewander.co.uk/tours/three-bean-salad-podcast/

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (it's a five Wednesday April and we will only do four Wednesday episodes in a month out of respect for all that is holy)

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George is a native of Stockport, birthplace of The Renaissance, and so it is little wonder he has chosen that very topic for this week’s episode. Are we on the cusp of another renaissance? Might we be better of with a de-renaissance to make everything simpler just for a bit. It’s chunky fodder to be sure so why not let the beans mince it down smooth for you while you expend your mental energy on inventing whatever it is that will eventually replace the pendulum.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Tickets for Henry's work in progress show at Machynlleth Comedy Festival: https://machcomedyfest.co.uk/show/2025/henry-paker/

Tickets for Ben's film screening in Manchester: https://www.seetickets.com/tour/daddy-superior-screening-q-a-with-ben-partridge

Tickets for our UK TOUR available here: https://littlewander.co.uk/tours/three-bean-salad-podcast/

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Music credit courtesy of epidemicsound.com:

Weekly/The Fly Guy Five

Ella from Cambridge but currently in Cuba has offered up language as this week’s topic. Could she have known that the beans would not only take on this crucial subject with rigour and courage but they would use actual language to do so!!!

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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You will no doubt have a strong opinion on ham. It has been a muse to poets, a justification for war lords, a promise between lovers. It is mankind’s cornerstone. But ham salad? That’s something many of us have never truly got to grips with in theory or practice. Thanks then to Michigan-based wildcard Douglas for giving the beans this urgently needed topic for this week’s episode. Hocks away.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Tickets for Ben's film screenings here:

LONDON: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/guest-event-daddy-superior-and-other-short-films-tickets-1310946258549

MANCHESTER: https://www.seetickets.com/tour/daddy-superior-screening-q-a-with-ben-partridge

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It’s Helen of Bristol’s turn to feed the bean machine this week which has led to the topic being festivals. Of course there’s a festival for bloody everything these days and they’re not like they used to be even the ones that didn’t exist previously probably but you can’t even say that in public most likely and so and so forth.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

Tickets for our tour available at this link from 10am on Friday 4th April 2025: https://littlewander.co.uk/tours/three-bean-salad-podcast/

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Evidence that Vikings used toothpicks has been found in Eastern Sweden according to Big Archaeology. And who would dare to disagree with them, let alone needlessly argue the toss just for the sake of it? The beans, that’s who. Maybe be these so called ‘toothpicks’ were in fact used to score games of Nordic cribbage? Maybe they were used to stop complex burgers falling apart? Or maybe they were tiny spears for skewering mini-monks? Either way, ta very much indeed to Ben of Minnesota for selecting Vikings as this week’s topic.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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What are the beans really but gardeners of knowledge? For the benefit of all mankind they nurture the seeds of data, strip away the weeds of untruth and, from time to time, obscure everything in a great steaming pile of donkey shit. Thank you then to Matt from Chester-upon-Bremen for choosing the highly apposite topic of gardening for this week’s podcast.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

Tickets for short film screening: https://www.chapter.org/whats-on/spring-comedy-shorts-2025

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Samuel of 84A High Street chooses giants as this week’s topic and no doubt he has his reasons. Should you wish to know those reasons the beans are unable to help but you could always spend the rest of your days ringing on the doorbell of every 84A High Street on Earth until you track down Samuel so you can ask the man himself unless he’s given us a false name or a false address or has moved during your quest or is simply out.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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What is your council tax liability if you build a holiday bungalow in outer orbit? How would you recycle all that cosmic glassware? And most importantly, would the lukewarm banter of your favourite podcast freeze in the cold void of space? Callum of Oxsted clearly doesn’t know the answers to any of these questions bless him and so has suggested space travel tourism for the first topic of spring. Take it away, beans!

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until March).

But sign up to PATREON for weekly bonus episodes throughout March, ad-free episodes and more: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

Ticket links for Henry's work-in-progress shows:

https://www.angelcomedy.co.uk/event-detail/henry-paker-illustratinator-wip-thu-3rd-apr-the-bill-murray-london-tickets-202504031830/

https://museumofcomedy.ticketsolve.com/ticketbooth/shows/873652303

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (it's a five Wednesday January and we will only do four Wednesday episodes in a month out of respect for natural law, magnets and the tides)

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