Living with dying

Professor Richard Coker caused a bit of a stir over the airwaves and social media recently on publication of his book Timor Mortis - 'How We Live with Death' where he openly discusses how doctors have always been involved in Assisted Dying

Author and illustrator Katie Cleminson's very moving story of what it was like going through labour with her daughter Wren, who was sadly stillborn.  And we talk about her new picture book 'Beyond' (Penguin Random House) that came out of the whole experience.

One million people in the UK have a diagnosis of Dementia - and although many of them are clustered around communities where the elderly choose to live, there are also, sadly, younger people in their 40s and 50s with dementia too.  Steve Sansom works with both the elderly and the young for the Age UK Dementia service in and around the Royal Borough of Windsor and Maidenhead.

We don't always give pet loss the attention it deserves - indeed we tend not to expect people to experience 'proper' grief when it comes to animals.  But many of us know that losing a family pet  can be devastating - as Grief Counsellor  Kate Nudds explains here.

Lucy Carpenter works for HospiceUK as their Compassionate Employers Lead.  This means she works with people who are around death and dying every day in hospices, as well as those who deal with the bereaved in other every day jobs.  Many of us have had bad experiences trying to inform banks and utilities about the death of a loved one.  Her work aims to improve those interactions.

Jess Seymour - who last talked to us (Episode 28) about the untimely death of her husband Matt aged 35 is now involved in organising an Art Trail for Thames Hospice where he died.  She shares her mixed emotions about this and the way the work has helped her through her grief.

Palliative care nurse Louisa Nicoll has interesting views on choice around treatment options, more information for patients, and whether it is always a good idea to die at home:

Jacqueline Gunn founded a company called Workplace Bereavement Advocacy - designed to train up individuals in every company to find, and befriend anyone who's been bereaved within their organisation.  As so often happens, her work stems from her own bereavement - the death of her father:

Emma Gray is a solicitor turned grief counsellor and someone who helps people through the awful 'sadmin' that's involved when we suffer a bereavement.  She explains here how the tragedy of her husband's oesophageal cancer and death led her to a change of career.

I make a return visit to the Greenacres Chiltern Living Memorial Park where I'm given a guided tour - on a rather windy day and on a noisy buggy - while I learn about the facilities in this beautiful, tranquil space particularly suited to anyone who wants a natural burial or simply to rest in nature at the end of their days.

To mark Hospice UK's Dying Matters Awareness Week, I talk to Jenni McDonagh who's keen to sing the praises of hospices after she witnessed wonderful care for her husband Nick at Thames Hospice.  Since his death, she's devoted herself to fund-raising for the hospice, and an amazing sanctuary for families of children with cancer, which she runs and funds with her family.

Dr Lucy Pollock is a consultant geriatrician who has loads of advice about ageing well. We talk to her here about how to plan for our old age and death -  and how to live healthily and well in the meantime.

John Adams is a fourth generation funeral director who successfully campaigned for Bereavement, Death and Dying to be on the school curriculum.  He shares his views here around why it’s so important for all of us to talk about death - and particularly for small children to learn about it at an early stage.

John Troyer has been around death and dying his entire life. and is currently Death Scholar at Large for the University of Bath. Sadly, his entire family of sister, mother and father all died within the last few years. Here, he shares how his own experience impacts his work and how his work impacts his personal grief.

I recorded the following interview with Hazel Cooper on 6 February 2026.  She had just been given a terminal diagnosis and bravely chose to speak out about this and her forthcoming death.  I'm very sad to report that Hazel died in late March.  But happy to say that she died at home, just as she wished, peacefully and surrounded by her three sons and her grand-daughter.  Thank you Hazel for sharing your wisdom, your faith and your positivity.

Anyone bereaved know how it helps to find someone to talk to - and not just anyone but someone who's been through a similar bereavement. Maria Bailey and her team of Grief Specialists understand this - and will help you find the right help for you.

Rhian Manning's charity 2wish hit the headlines recently when Prince William visited her home and was filmed becoming emotional during their chat. 2wish is designed to offer help and support to any family who've experienced the sudden and unexpected death of a child or young person aged under 25. As she did.

When Joseph Cavalli-Price's mother was dying, he managed to find a way of playing the piano to her while in the hospice.  This inspired him to set up Music in Hospices and he tells the story of his journey.

For this episode, we visit a Bereavement Group which meets once a month at the GreenAcres Chiltern Living Memorial Park.  Here people who've lost someone recently, or long ago, meet up to swap notes and share experiences and feelings.  And they share that with us.

Paul Calandrino's wife - novelist Cai Emmons - decided to end her life once the devastating disease ALS took its hold.  They live in Oregon so she was able to choose when to die.  And she wanted a record of her decline and death - so they made a documentary about it called Vanishing - A Love Story.  He tells us more here:

Jane Harris and her husband set up the Good Grief Project on the sudden, unexpected death of her son while he was away travelling.  She describes the devastating impact of this loss and how they now devote their lives to helping others who lose children.

Extraordinarily, this week we celebrate two years of this podcast, and we mark this by talking to the CEO of Thames Hospice, where I found so much help and support in the early days.   Dr Rachael de Caux is a passionate exponant of hospice care and here she talks about her work and unveils the huge range of care available today in her hospice.

Lucy Easthope is well known for her two best selling books - When the Dust Settles and Come What May - both detailing the wisdom from her years of expertise in the disaster and crisis management field. So I asked her what lessons for bereavement can be drawn from her wide experience?

Nina Nannar - ITV's Arts Editor - found her life turned upside down three years ago when her husband of 23 years, Steve, died after complications caused by kidney disease. She talks movingly here of how she managed to continue with her high-pressured, public facing role having been plunged suddenly into deep grief.

In many of these episodes we've learnt how finding people who've been through a very similar experience can be the best help in bereavement.  Here, Maxine and Marilyn who've both found help from their local bereavement group Oasis, describe how helpful t's been.

Dr Bill Webster - Grief Counsellor, and author and founder of The Grief Journey - is on tour in the UK at the moment presenting seminars on his experience of grief and loss and his advice for the bereaved and those who surround them.  He shares his long and wide experience with us.

Most people who are widowed will talk afterwards about how they flailed around, went numb, didn't know what they were doing or how they were feeling in the early stages of grief.  And yet it's at that time when decisions have to be made, action taken. Suzanne Elvidge drew on her own experience to set up the Widows Handbook and talks about it here.

Richard Chalmers and friends recognised a need in their community for bereavement support some 20 years ago.  Since then, they've been running regular support groups for the bereaved - where people come together to eat/drink and mostly chat.

Most of us who've not experienced death worry about what it's going to be like - whether that's our own death or that of our loved ones.  Doulas can help take fear of the unknown away for people at the end of life - and their families.  Catherine Beer joins us again to explain more here.

Lee Wakeham has a horrendous story to tell - of being abandoned by his mother aged two, of abuse during his first foster care placement, leading to years of offending and time in prison. So how did  he turn his life around after such huge losses? He now runs successful pasty-making business - HMPasties - that employs ex-offenders and has been taken under the Co-op's wing via its incubator scheme - the Apiary.

Louise Dillon's son died from an aggressive form of leukemia just after his 14th birthday.  Her own experience of how difficult it was returning to work, prompted her to offer training to businesses on how best to support grieving employees and how to give the bereaved a voice in how they'd like things to go.

Peter Cooper got in touch after listening to  episode 27 featuring his mother talking about the death of his father.  He mentioned that he felt there had been unacknowledged grief underlying his childhood and how it has left him unsure if he 'does' grief well.  We explore that together here.

Pippa and Grace were only 16 when their fathers died.  They didn't know each other at the time but met through the counselling offered by Thames Hospice and have since become firm friends.  Together they're passionate about raising money for the hospice so that others can receive the same care and help they value so highly.

Baroness Glenys Kinnock and Lord Neil Kinnock were together for 60 years - the most high profile political couple of their generation.  "It is like losing a limb" says Neil. "Glenys suffered and died of Alzheimer's in 2023 and the only real relief of Alzheimer's is that people slip away. They almost give you a rehearsal in loss.  It does mean that you suffer a real death and years before that a sort of death."

NOT talking about death and dying is 'a profound act of societal self-harm' says Toby Porter CEO of HospiceUK. We mark Dying Matters Awareness Week by talking to him about why we don't talk about it more, about hospice care, assisted dying and the recent loss of his mother.

For Easter week, we're talking to the Reverend Sally Lynch about the Christian Church's approach to death and dying and the significance of Easter in the Church of England.

This is to mark Sudden Death Awareness Month in March.   Lucy Potter's 2 year old son Gibson didn't wake up one morning. She bravely, and eloquently describes here the horror of trying to administer CPR, of accompanying him in an ambulance, and of willing him to live while watching in stunned disbelief as medics tried and failed to revive him.

Ginny Daly had to experience the heart-breaking ordeal of giving birth to her baby boy knowing that he'd died in the womb.  She talks openly of that nightmare, and how, years later, her mother's death exposed her to a completely different kind of grief.

Suicide is often described as cruel. This is not what our latest guest Fiona Duffy thinks. She describes here how her experience of suffering losses, including her brother to suicide, inspired her to go into the Funeral Care Business with the Co-op.

Mark Shepherd  performs an extraordinary service for the parents of babies who are still born, or who die soon after birth.  He visits them soon after their loss to take professional photos of their babies for a charity called RememberMyBaby. He tells us here how he got into this amazing work.

Natasha's Foundation is launching a new campaign to provide education about allergies to children in primary schools around the country.  The foundation is named in memory of Natasha Ednan-Laperouse who suffered a fatal anaphylactic reaction in 2016 on her way to a holiday in France with her father and best friend.  She'd unwittingly eaten a baguette containing sesame seed bought at the airport.   After the inquest, her parents Tanya and Nadim campaigned for a new law, Natasha's law, so that all prepackaged food must list all ingredients with the 14 allergens in bold.  They went on to launch the Foundation which funds research into allergies and helps raise awareness.  Tanya Ednan-Laperouse OBE shares her story here.

Gini Hackett, founder of @BucketListWishesUK, believes that encouraging her Mother to put together a bucket list helped prolong her life from the projected 3 months to 11, and describes some of the fun things they did together during that time

What to do when someone dies?  And how to find a funeral director who's going to respect our wishes and look after our loved one?  Most of us don't do any research before,  so we flounder around and pick the nearest, or the one we've heard of.   Rebecca Peach founded The Farewell Guide to address this.

As Christmas approaches, this can be such a difficult time for anyone who's bereaved.  Rachel Tegg of Child Bereavement Uk shares her experience of helping families with approaching any festive season and passes on advice she's gleaned.

We mark National Grief Awareness Week with a look behind the scenes at Mortlake Crematorium and find out exactly what happens to our loved ones' bodies once we say goodbye.

How to talk to the dying? What to say? How to broach the subject...?   Advice here from Pastoral Care worker Catherine Beer.

Actress Wendy Craig shares what happened when her husband of 40 years - Jack Bentley - died of cancer, and how she picked up the pieces and made a good life for herself over the 30 following years.

This week's guest - Carolyn Mayling - has an amazing story of life and death. The death of her 11 year old daughter, followed some years later by the birth of a new baby when she was 54.   She's managed to rebuild a really fulfilling and worthwhile life after loss - as she describes in this conversation.

During Baby Loss Awareness week we ask what on earth to say to people who've lost a pregnancy or a baby - at whatever stage.  Di Stubbs of Child Bereavement UK says don't say 'Just call me - anytime'. Instead phone with questions like 'I'm in Sainsbury's can I pick anything up for you' or 'I've only got half a load of washing can I do yours', or 'I'm taking my kids to the park can I take yours? Something they can say an easy yes to without having to think'

Things not to say to the bereaved:  'Think of all the memories', 'You were lucky to have him', 'She wouldn't want you to cry' - Shobha Modi shares her advice and talks about the Hindu approach to death and dying

People widowed young often struggle to find anyone who remotely understands which leaves them isolated and alone - which is where WAY (Widowed and Young) steps in.  Veronica Currie explains.

Have you got a will?  66 percent of people in the UK don't according to Solicitor Sophie Hamilton who thinks it's sad that people often leave it too late

Khalad Hussein explains the Muslim approach to death and dying and how Muslims believe that their  'time is written'

Nula Suchet's life changed dramatically when her husband James developed Dementia at the young age of 57.  She describes in detail his decline and death, but also tells an uplifting story of rebuilding her life afterwards and marrying broadcaster John Suchet

Rachel Tegg of Child Bereavement UK describes how play can help bereaved children express themselves - and how they offer help to bereaved parents and families as well.

Rosie Taylor Horler's father died when she was 21, leading to feelings that her Dad never really knew her as an adult, and that there were a whole load of conversations she never got to have.

How on earth do you cope with 10 miscarriages - including two sets of twins?  Maaike Gomm-Zaagsma shares her heart-breaking story and how it led on to her work in Funeralcare.

Kevin Toolis's book My Father's Wake describes in minute detail the Irish way of death and dying. 'The dead body is right there and you can look at it, touch it, kiss it, whatever you wish.'

Fernanda Reyes was inspired to start an online Farewell Planner called Evermore after her father died and she wished she'd been more prepared.  She's since trained as a Death Doula and describes that work here too:

The perspective of the 'rhythm of life' is important in the Buddhist approach to death and dying - as explained by Robert Harrap - Chair of SGI Europe

Online dating - good or bad idea when you're widowed later in life?  CEO of Thames Hospice Catherine McLaughlin shares how hard it felt picking up the pieces after her husband died

'It's not those wow moments, it's the ordinary moments you miss''  - Sarah Parfitt on life without her 91 year old father

Katharine Horler is a great example of someone who's rebuilt her life.  Her 54 year old husband Chris died 7  years ago but she met someone new and is getting married again

How to explain death and dying to people who have no language?  Speech therapist Chris Buchanan, who works with non-verbal children and young people gives us her advice:

When Jess Seymour's 35 year old husband Matt went into a hospice, they talked and talked. 'Those conversations are really  difficult, you feel nauseous and have a knot in your neck and physical pain in your chest, but I'm so glad we had them'

88 year old Hazel Cooper was married to Jock for 63 years.  She reminisces about the early days, married life and his death from cancer a year ago.

Funeral Director Cressida Harris joins us this week to talk about what to do when someone dies, how to talk to the bereaved and how you can have anything from 'dance music to drum and base and dove release' at your funeral if you like.

Dr Nikki Paul's husband was killed in a car crash on his way to work, leaving her with 3 very young children.  She now uses her experience and expertise to help other bereaved young mothers

This week Karnail Pannu talks about the Sikh way of death - the mourning, the funeral and the grief he experienced on the death from a sudden heart attack of his son Gurdeep aged 52

As Dying Matters Awareness week draws to a close, we're focussing on the Assisted Dying Debate.  We hear the opinions of two guests - one all in favour, the other not.  Thanks to Rabbi Jonathan Romain and Ros Doherty for their willingness to share.

Dame Joan Bakewell feels strongly that we should all talk more about death and dying.  In a timely interview for Dying Matters Awareness Week,  she shares those strong views here:

Have you ever thought of having a submarine for your coffin?  All in a day's work for funeral arranger Victoria Kibble when asked by the family of a submariner:

Catherine McLaughlin, CEO of the Thames Hospice, tells how she was drawn to this work after watching her husband die

What is it about walking and talking that feels so therapeutic?  I discuss this here with Sharon Jones and Shirley Gennoe of the Severn Hospice where the Shrewsbury Strollers are based

How do our senses play their part in grief? Counsellor Catherine Beer and I discuss how sight, sound, taste, smell and touch can trigger good and bad feelings

How do you go on holiday after the loss of your long term partner and travelling companion? 84 year old widower Sid Cole describes how he plucked up the courage and found a new lease of life

Ros Doherty's husband died suddenly 7 years ago. After the initial shock, she's managed to rebuild a rich life for herself and has a great deal of wisdom to share on the subject.

Rabbi Jonathan Romain is our guest this week.  He talks candidly about the loss of his 34 year old son in a tragic honeymoon accident, how his faith didn't help and how he's got on with life since.

Today's guest is Emily Cummin, founder of a fantastic resource for anyone who's grieving. It's called Untangle Grief and is an app and a website that helps its many members through the twists and turns of bereavement, from the feelings to the practicalities that can flummox us all.   Emily shares with us some of the wisdom she's gleaned from the Untange Grief community https://untanglegrief.com/

This week's guest, the Baroness Meyer has suffered more losses than most.  Her two sons were abducted by their father when very small and she fought for years, unsuccessfully, for their return.  And more recently, she's lost her husband of 25 years, Sir Christopher Meyer, the UK's one time Ambassador to Washington.  She opens up about how she's  handled grief and loss here.

What happens when we die? What is it like to die?  Today we tackle this last taboo and try to de-mystify what it is like when someone dies. We're guided by Kathryn Gilbert, Nurse Consultant at Thames Hospice.

Why do we find it so hard to use the correct language around death and dying? Instead, hedging it about with all kinds of euphemisms?  I talk to Catherine Beer, Pastoral Care Worker at the Thames Hospice to get her thoughts.

Podcaster Sam Hart shares with Dilys his top ten tips for getting through the day when feelings of being down and lonely threaten to overwhelm us

Every parent's worst nightmare is the death of a child.  Listen to Sandra Jeffs talk movingly - and bravely - about the loss of her son Michael

An unusual story today as I talk to an old friend Michael Kahn who lost his sister after a 10 year estrangement.   He opens up frankly about his reaction to her death - and it may surprise you.

I talk today with Tom Page who lost his father in 2019 and took up the offer of counselling from the Thames Hospice.  He shares how it helped him through his bereavement.

Poppy Mardall - today's guest - is a great advocate of talking more about death and dying.  She decided that funerals need a fresh approach and founded a business - called Poppy's - on that basis.  She tells us today what she thinks is wrong with many funerals and how we can improve on them

Today's episode will resonate with many of us, as Mark Tinkler talks about losing both his mother and father during the terrible time of Covid

For this Christmas week, we're talking to Catherine Beer of Thames Hospice about the range of feelings that can be stirred up by all the festivity around us, and how best to navigate the various anniversaries thrown up during grief.

In this episode, Dilys talks to Andrew Peters who reflects on one layer of grief on top of another..... the sudden loss of his father 10 years ago, followed by the sudden loss of his brother only last year

Sir Ken Dodd's widow - Lady Dodd - talks us through the story of her long life with the comedian and how she picked up the pieces after his death in 2018. An exhibition called Happiness, which celebrates Sir Ken's life as a comedian, entertainer, and singer is on in the Museum of Liverpool until 3rd March.

I'm Dilys Morgan and I met my late husband Michael Barratt when I joined the early evening BBC TV Nationwide programme. In this, the first episode of Living with dying, I tell my own story of the recent death of my husband of 47 years and some of the unexpected feelings I encountered.  Guiding me through is Counsellor Simon Smith of the Thames Hospice