The Psychology of your 20s

We have a lot of opportunities to feel behind in our 20s, especially when it comes to our careers, our finances and our relationships. In todays episode we break down why so many of us (roughly 80% of 20 something year olds) feeling like we're falling short of expectations, as well as how we can manage these feelings and enjoy our path through life without comparing it to someone others. We discuss:

AND, we hear from you, the listeners, about your experiences. Listen now! 

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We have found some pretty amazing ways to observe human behaviour and from it, discovered some especially interesting things about how we operate, who we are at our core, our irrational beliefs and so much more. In today's episode, we break down five of my favourite psychology studies of all time from jam, to mental escapism and binge watching TV, how many friends we actually need, the healing power of nature and the origins of imposter syndrome. Listen now! 

Study One: The Stanford Jam Experiment

https://faculty.washington.edu/jdb/345/345%20Articles/Iyengar%20%26%20Lepper%20(2000).pdf

Study Two: In your 20s it's quantity, in your 30s its quality 

https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2015-10764-001 

Study Three: Loneliness, Escapism, and Identification With Media Characters 

https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.785970/full 

Study Four: The Imposter Phenomenon in High Achieving Women

https://www.paulineroseclance.com/pdf/ip_high_achieving_women.pdf 

Study Five: Effects of Coastal Environment on Well-being 

https://www.walshmedicalmedia.com/open-access/effects-of-the-coastal-environment-on-wellbeing-jczm-1000421.pdf 

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Finding the joy in your own company is one of the most healing, rewarding and fulfilling things we can do. It's also really difficult in an age of FOMO, constant distraction, stimulation and fear of boredom or loneliness. In today's episode we break down exactly why you need to fall back in love with your alone time, the amazing benefits and HOW to do it. Listen now! 

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Social comparison is the thief of joy - it will make us question everything that we have, doubt our own abilities, steal our sense of gratitude and peace. It also sometimes feels impossible to escape, especially in our 20s when we look to others for confirmation that we are doing something right. In today's episode we break down the 5 rules you need to stop comparing yourself to others and embrace the benefits of healthy social comparison, this includes: 

Don't unfollow, don't suppress, recognise and expand Keep your judgements realistic  Do things for YOU first Water your own grass  Comparison as a motivator 

Listen now to learn how you can control your urge to compare yourself to others! 

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Our inability to make decisions is wasting our time, keeping us acting from a place of fear and stuck in a life we don't want! It's also not entirely our fault and often stems from unconscious mechanisms, neuroticism and fears that we haven't recognised. In today's episode we break down: 

Listen now! 

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About 2/3rds of couples start off as friends according to recent research. But developing feelings for a friend isn't always a happily ever after situation. In today's episode we break down why it is that we fall in love with our friends, the principles of attraction such as the similarity liking effect and mere exposure effect, whether to say anything or keep it to yourself, managing the pain of rejection or social loss and your best tips for protecting the friendship and your own heart. Listen now! 

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Sleep is one of our most vital functions but how many of us actually know that much about it, the links to our physical functioning, mental health, relationships and overall wellbeing. What about some of the strange experiments they've conducted to investigate dreams or how long we can go without sleep? In today's episode we take a deep dive into the psychology of sleep, including: 

Listen now for when you want to maximise your shut eye! 

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More and more 20 something year olds are choosing to live with their parents; we are moving out later and a lot of us are boomeranging (coming back home after moving out). In today's episode we explore the emotional and psychological impacts of living with your parents in your 20s, why more of us are living at home because of financial anxiety or housing insecurity, how to handle conflict with your parents whilst you're still living under their roof and 6 tips for a successful living at home situation + some of your stories, advice and the benefits. 

Listen now! 

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We lose our spark and love for life for many reasons: burnout, mental ill health, people pleasing, a breakup. When we do it can feel like life gets very boring, it loses colour, we lose interest and we can become cynical towards all of the small joys and brilliance of being alive and being human. In this episode we break down six tips for getting your spark back: 

Listen now for when you're in a rut or have lost your spark! 

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You're not going to get along with everyone and one of those people you don't get along with might end up dating someone you love i.e your friend. Disliking your friends partner often stems from one of three reasons: your dating preferences don't match, you're experiencing platonic jealousy, you're genuinely worried about this other person being bad for your friend, exploitative or abusive. We talk about all three of these outcomes in today's episode along with what to do in response: do you stay silent or speak up? 

Listen now! 

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Social media is impacting our mental health in ways we are not ready or willing to acknowledge, and it's time we talk about it. In today's episode we discuss all the psychology of social media and how it is embedded in our social lives, our relationships, our beliefs, our daily routines, our news and our self worth. We break down how social media was designed to be addictive, how it captures more of our time than we think, the differences between people who have been on social media for over 10 years versus who have never been and what we can do about it. We also discuss the role of algorithms and misinformation. There is so much negativity spread online and innate need to compare ourselves to others, but I also believe we can have a positive and moderated relationship with these platforms. Listen now. 

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Father wounds arise from a disorganised or complicated relationship with our father figure - either due to them being physically or emotionally absent, harsh and critical, unfeeling or abusive and can result in a number of dysfunctional behaviours and emotional patterns as we grow older. In this episode we are breaking down the psychology of father wounds and discussing: 

All of that and more, listen now! 

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In this episode we are joined by clinical psychologist and author of 'The Defining Decade' to talk about all the frustrations, stressors, misconceptions and hard moments of our 20s and why it's only going to get BETTER from here. We talk about: 

Listen now to hear all of Dr Meg's amazing advice and hear a bit about her new book, coming out next month. 

Link to The Defining Decade: https://www.amazon.com.au/Defining-Decade-Meg-Jay/dp/0446561754 

Pre-order Meg's new book: https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/The-Twentysomething-Treatment/Meg-Jay/9781668012291 

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Sometimes all we want to do is a have a big, old fashioned sob and when we can't it leads us feeling emotionally pent up, defective and frustrated. There's an explanation for why we go through periods where we are unable to cry. In today's episode we discuss: 

Listen now when you're in need of an emotional catharsis or could really do with a few tears. 

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Self discipline is the key ingredient to unlocking everything you want in life. But despite that many of us treat it like its optional and believe the narrative that self discipline requires perfection, requires sacrifice and is too hard. Actually, self discipline is anything but, it is actually the road of least resistance. In this episode we break down 5 tips for building self discipline in any area of life: 

Understanding your motivation Leveraging social accountability and desirability bias  The power of micro habits  Hacking our dopamine systems through instant versus delayed gratification Shifting from learned helplessness to learned industriousness 

All of that and more! Listen now!

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Love is scary. There are so many opportunities to be hurt, to be let down, to have thing turn out in a way we never wanted them to. But it's also one of the best things in live and brings incredible joy and fulfilment. Why is it that some of us avoid the experience all together. In today's episode we are going to discuss the fear of intimacy in all its forms. We will discuss: 

We also discuss some of the ways people in their 20s might not realise they have a fear of intimacy and why our society sometimes celebrates the things that keep us in a state of avoidance. All of that and more, listen now! 

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This International Women's Day as part of iHeart's Women Take the Mic Initiative, I'm bringing on my Mum for a vulnerable chat about our relationship as mother and daughter, what she's learned from being a mother, what she would do differently, life lessons and her success in a male dominated field. We discuss everything from motherhood, child-parent dynamics, feminism and career advice. It's a beautiful conversation, one that I'll hold dearly for a long time and we hope you enjoy, listen now! 

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This week we are discussing the ups and downs of living alone in your 20s: from the freedom and independence, to the loneliness and social isolation, financial anxiety and stress, but the authenticity and emotional maturity that comes with it. We talk about: 

All that and more, listen now! 

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Feeling jealous over our partners past can feel highly irrational, but its still a feeling many of us have and contributes to a lot of obsessive and unhealthy behaviours like stalking their exes, asking intrusive questions, starting arguments in hopes of getting the reassurance we need. In today's episode, we talk about the psychology of retroactive jealousy, including its origins and how to move past your jealous feelings. We will talk about: 

Listen now! 

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Panic attacks are awful, they sneak up on us in the worst moments and make us feel overwhelmed by an invisible fear. In today's episode we are going to talk through the psychology of panic attacks including: 

We also have a 7 minute meditation at the end of the episode that will talk you through a visualisation exercise for managing an actual panic attack. Listen now! 

If you need immediate help please call your local crisis centre or access the following resources: 

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It's my birthday. Let's talk about my fear of growing older. 

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Our 20s are one of the best times for us to change careers. Perhaps you're feeling burntout, bored, unmotivated, craving something bigger, something with purpose or better hours, a change from the life and job you currently have. In this episode we break down how we can change careers in our 20s, some of the challenges, how to manage the financial insecurity, the signs your old job is not right for you and discovering your true mission and purpose and life (even if it doesn't always revolve around your job and a pay check). 

We are joined by the founder and CEO of The Career Contessa, host of the hit podcast and author, Lauren Goodwin who shares her years worth of advice and best tips. 

Follow Career Contessa here: @CareerContessa 

Listen to the podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/0k0EzNNiLnWICq7gQuFQFg?si=3b84c545aea54800 

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Acne has just as many emotional and mental symptoms as it does physical. Having acne in our 20s is a significant source of insecurity, frustration and hopelessness, impacting how we go about making new friends, dating, career opportunities and so much more. In this episode we break down the psychology of acne, investigating the myths about the causes of acne, the subsequent stigma towards acne, the mental consequences we are observing more and more, the impact of social media and facetune, along with how we can manage our self esteem in the face of chronic acne. Listen now! 

The article I reference: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5029236/ 

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Sustaining a relationship has a lot more to do with the division of domestic, emotional and physical labour. A massive component is the mental load - the additional energy that goes into organising, scheduling and managing the daily tasks, chores and things that need to be done whilst also accounting for your partners needs. It's not a secret that women carry a lot more of the mental load than their male counterparts and in this episode we break down exactly why that is, how an unfair division of cognitive labour can lead to resentment and relationship breakdown and how we can address this in our relationships, including our friendships. Listen now! 

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The end of a relationship or a friendship can leave us with a lot of unanswered questions, especially when the split is sudden, out of the blue, and the other person is unresponsive. In other instances, we don't quite know what went wrong and are looking for answers. In today's episode we talk about the elusive myth that is closure: whether we need it, how to get it, and why we should not rely on others to provide us with permission to move on. We also discuss the closure cycle and the reasons we may THINK we are looking for closure, but are really looking for an excuse to reconnect. All of that and more, listen now! 

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A considerable question for those of us in our 20s is how do we create a good life? What does it mean to design a life we love and how exactly do we do that? In today's episode we break down five ways we can do this, including: 

Deconstructing your old life for your new one + the Odyssey Plan Prototyping your new life + the 15 minute rule  Addition through subtraction  Pursue daily joy  Positive future planning + dopamine scheduling 

Listen now! 

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Sometimes we become more attached to the idea of someone and their potential, than the reality of who they actually are. We begin to project our wants and desires on to them and ignore the red flags, the disappointments, the truth. This is what we call fantasy bonding and it prevents us from seeing someone for who they truly are, causes us to be lead along and invest in the wrong people. In this episode, we break down the psychology of fantasy bonding, including: 

Listen now. 

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Anger is one of our most primal emotions and yet we have no idea how to manage it. We suppress it, allowing it to rule our lives; we hide from it, we let it explode onto people who don't deserve our rage. In this episode we break down the psychology of anger and why anger is often a secondary emotion, masking our true fear, anxiety and insecurity. We explore how to manage our anger, use it for fuel and motivation, why the anger we experience as children often leads to our inability to full express emotions, where our anger comes from and whether forgiveness truly is the solution. Listen now. 

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Two of the most noteworthy elements of our 20s are dating and our experiences with mental health. They also interact - our mental health will influence how we date, how we deal with rejection, how we meet new people, and subsequently, our dating experiences can have a profound impact on our mental health. In this episode we dissect everything about this interaction and how we can take care of our mental and emotional wellbeing, avoid codependency whilst also finding the love we deserve.

We also talk through some advice for people who are dating partners with mental health struggles and how to support them, whilst also not stepping into the role of caregiver or savior. Listen now! 

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Being able to travel and explore the world in our 20s is such a unique privilege, but sometimes we can overdo a good thing and hit a point of complete emotional, mental and physical exhaustion, causing us to want to go home early, abandon our trip or enjoy our travels a lot less. In this episode we break down the psychology behind travel burnout, why it occurs, what it says about our human need to belong, creature comforts and my tips for overcoming the fatigue and exhaustion and getting the most out of your adventure. Listen now! 

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We experience chronic guilt towards a lot of things: guilt for resting, guilt for not resting, guilt for prioritising ourselves, guilt for being a bad friend, a bad partner, a bad student, for not deserving your opportunities. In today's episode we break down the guilt complex by exploring: 

We also discuss how we can overcome our chronic guilt by deciding to live for ourselves and putting energy into our wellbeing first, alongside the paradox of the guilt we feel towards ourselves vs the guilt we inflict on others. Listen now! 

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In today's episode we are going to discuss the psychology behind our health anxiety, something we don't speak about enough in our 20s. Health anxiety leaves us feeling incredibly hypervigilant to symptoms or feelings in our body that could indicate a life threatening illness or impending death, even if they are just a projection or derived from stress. This comes from our need to feel in control of our bodies and a lot of primal, evolutionary origins. It can also leave us struggling with feeling connected with ourselves, unable to live out our daily lives or constantly anxious. We discuss all of this and more, as well as my 5 top tips for managing our health anxiety. Listen now!

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Getting into a new relationship can bring up a lot of past trauma from previous relationships, and cause a lot of self sabotage or anxiety, resulting in behaviours such as: 

In this episode we answer the question "do you need to completely heal before entering into a new relationship?". We are joined by the incredible, Tasha Bailey, otherwise known as the Real Talk Therapist as we break down the way past relationship trauma can show up in our new relationships and how to heal whilst still accepting the love you deserve. 

Follow Tasha here: @realtalk.therapist 

Buy Tasha's book here: https://www.amazon.com/Real-Talk-Lessons-Therapy-Self-Love-ebook/dp/B0BGXKR5T2 

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Many of us find ourselves obsessively focused on the opinions and judgements of others, letting their opinion of us influence our sense of self worth and confidence. However, true power and success comes when we embrace the courage to be disliked and recognise that the negative words of others come from their own insecurity, rather than as a reflection of us. In this episode we break down this concept, alongside the role of reputation, conformity, the chameleon effect and how we can embrace our authentic selves, our TRUEST selves to live in our power. Listen now! 

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Alcohol is a drug, highly addictive, has proven to do damage to our minds and our bodies and yet makes up a huge part of our 20s, especially how we socialise and connect with others.

In today's episode we are going to talk about the psychology of alcohol, the impact of alcohol on our brains, the influence our social circles and friendships have on our drinking habits, hangiexty, binge drinking and all the conversations about alcohol we should be having in our 20s, that maybe we are not. As part of this, we want to answer or at least explore the question: should we quit drinking in our 20s? We discuss the reasons for quitting or at least being 'sober curious' and tips for how to moderate our drinking habits. Listen now! 

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Welcome to 2024! With each new year on the podcast, we set a new theme or intention for the next 12 months. This year our theme is RISK, embracing our fear of change or making a mistake and embracing risk in all its forms! We discuss how we can get a better idea of what we want for our future, discover our purpose, what type of risks will get us there, the difference between bounded and unbounded risk and why risks not always have to be impulsive or spontaneous. Listen now and welcome to your year for taking risks! 

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Dating with an anxious attachment style comes with a number of challenges: struggling to feel secure, requiring constant reassurance, mistrust, a fear of abandonment, feeling unworthy of love or difficulty setting boundaries. But your attachment style is not a life sentence, it is something you can challenge and heal by embracing vulnerability, healthy love, boundary setting and applying the love you crave from others to yourself. We are joined by the wonderful Thais Gibson, an author, speaker, leader in the personal development field and founder of The Personal Development School as we break down what it means to date and love as someone who is anxiously attached. 

Find Thais here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHQ4lSaKRap5HyrpitrTOhQ 

The attachment quiz we spoke of: https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/quiz 

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Feeling stuck and dissatisfied with where you are in your life is never a place we want to be in. Perhaps you are contemplating a major life change - moving to a new city, quitting your job, leaving a long term relationship - that you believe will be the antidote to your future happiness and fulfilment. Psychology shows that this might not always be the case. Wanting to change something about our environment may reflect that the true change we need to make is internal. 

We are joined by Dr Lisa Marie Bobby, host of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast as she talks us through the unexpected ways we can unlock and begin our next chapter in life. Listen now! 

Follow Dr Lisa: https://www.instagram.com/drlisamariebobby/?hl=en 

Her website: https://www.the-happiness-class.com/?page_id=30819 

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When we experience healthy love for the first time after years of unsettling, unhealthy, toxic relationships, one of the first reactions we can have is "why does this feel so boring?" Often we confuse safety with a lack of passion, or assume that just because this person doesn't activate our nervous system, we are missing the spark. This is often left over from past relationships where we have confused anxiety with excitement. 

In this episode, we bring on Sarah Yudkin, the founder of You Love and You Learn to break down the relationship anxiety that comes with experiencing healthy love for the first time and how to dissect your relationship OCD, the unconscious ways we sabotage relationships and all that comes with it. Listen now. 

Sarah's website: https://www.youloveandyoulearn.com/ 

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As the holiday season approaches so does the expectation to start seeing family, including difficult family members who you would rather avoid. In today's episode we are joined by Alexis Fernandez, the host of the show Do You F***ing Mind,to gain a better understanding of how we can navigate those who we may be related to by blood but have a hard time being around, including: 

We also provide tips for setting boundaries and actually sticking with them, the courage to stand up for yourself, how to have difficult conversations, knowing when enough is enough and how to walk away, alongside much more. As the holiday season approaches, we are sending you love and strength.

Listen to Do You F*cking Mind with Alexis Fernandez https://bit.ly/dyfm-pod .

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Impulse shopping in an experience we've all had, the feeling of buying something you know you don't really need, but you want it desperately in the moment. Often during this decade we begin earning "adult money" for the first time and that means we can begin spending as a way to emotional regulate. Had a bad day? Buy a new pair of shoes. Been through a breakup? Shopping spree. There are so many ways that companies encourage this behaviour through flash sales and low stock sales, creating a sense of urgency and getting us to spend. So, in today's episode we break down the psychology behind impulse shopping and retail therapy. 

We are joined by Alex from the hit podcast, Two Broke Chicks, to provide us with the dos and don'ts of shopping and overspending in our 20s, breaking down the emotions behind buyers remorse, and how to be wiser with your money during this decade. 

Follow Two Broke Chicks: https://www.instagram.com/twobrokechicks/?hl=en 

Follow Alex: https://www.instagram.com/alexhourigan/?hl=en 

Listen to Two Broke Chicks: https://open.spotify.com/show/3d4z5FXeXAtmmP6DPhkpzw?si=aefc278962e64b1b 

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We all know the feeling of going on a few dates with someone and, suddenly, you're unable to stop checking your phone for messages, wondering when they're free, imagining the wedding, your future kids. And then we are left depleted, ghosted or disappointed. This is what happens when we romanticise the idea of someone, engage in fantasy bonding and it can often end up sabotaging the relationship.

In today's episode we are joined by the wonderful Lyss Boss, host of the Date Yourself Instead podcast to break down how we can take things slow and not get caught up in the idea of someone before we truly know them. Listen now. 

Follow Lyss: @lyss

Listen to Date Yourself Instead here: https://open.spotify.com/show/6ie2ywivlNvFCO8LLJYgo7?si=7f7b358f090c4c28 

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Often when we think about sex, we only think about the physical. We only think about the other person's enjoyment or what sex should  look like rather than what it could look like. Many of us have a very outdated understanding of what good, even great sex feels like and even less of an idea around how to achieve greater levels of pleasure and intimacy.

In today's episode, we bring on the incredible Gina Gutierrez, co-founder of the audio erotica app, Dipsea to discuss how we can use story telling, fantasy, self exploration and mental imagery to have better sex in our 20s. We uncover the psychology behind why we love romance novels, how libido and desire changes (and improves) as we reach our 30s and some of the outdated, misconceptions about sex that we need to debunk. Listen now! 

For 30 days of Dipsea for FREE follow this link: https://www.dipseastories.com/PSYCH20 

Download Dipsea here: https://www.dipseastories.com/ 

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Confidence truly is the secret to a better life: better friendships, better self esteem, better dates, better romance, better career success. Today, we are joined by the iconic, Tiff Baira known best for her show "Street Hearts NYC", her role as a matchmaker and model, as we explore how having certainty in your worth is the key to your dream life. 

We break down the equation for true, undeniable confidence, treating confidence as a skill you can strengthen and train, the truth behind "fake it till you make it", learning to reject those who aren't capable of seeing your value and the changes you will begin to notice in your life. Listen now! 

Follow Tiff on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tiffbaira/?hl=en 

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In 2021, Ellie Middelton received a diagnosis of ADHD and autism at the age of 23. It was one of the best things that happened to her. Today, she joins us to discuss why neurodivergence is typically overlooked in women, the misconceptions we have about ADHD and autism, unmasking and how to navigate a diagnosis later in life. She also discusses how to manage neurodivergence in our 20s, why self diagnosis is valid, and why the path people want you to take, may not always be the one for you. Listen now! 

Follow Ellie here: https://www.instagram.com/elliemidds/?hl=en 

Purchase Ellie's book, Unmasked: https://www.amazon.com.au/Unmasked-Ultimate-Guide-Autism-Neurodivergence/dp/0241651980 

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Do you ever feel like you need to be perfect, that you are responsible for the emotions of others, you’re the organiser in the friendship group, highly self reliant, an overachiever, constantly being told your mature for your age? I would make a good guess that you are the eldest daughter. 

In today's episode we break down the psychology behind 'eldest daughter syndrome' and how birth order and gender combines to create a certain personality profile and way of behaving and seeing the world. We explore ideas around: 

We also share tips for healing and taking care of yourself as the eldest daughter, especially in our 20s. Listen now. 

Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast 

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For business enquiries: psychologyofyour20s@gmail.com 

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Living in sharehouses in our 20s are like their own weird, social experiment. We put together a group of people with different upbringings, personalities, lifestyles and standards under one roof and expect it to work out. Sometimes it does, other times it doesn't and we see social harmony break down. In today's episode we discuss: 

Listen now as we break down the psychology of roommates and sharehouses. And don't forget to share your horror roommate stories! 

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For business enquiries: psychologyofyour20s@gmail.com

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Attractiveness and beauty is something we all inevitably find ourselves considering. We question whether we would be happier if we lost weight, would find love if our skin was better, would be more successful if we looked more like her or him. Our obsession with beauty is psychological and deeply rooted in our biology and evolution as a species. In today's episode we break down the existence of pretty privilege and beauty standards in our 20s and how they are impacting our mental wellbeing, sense of self worth and even our financial decisions. Listen now! 

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In our 20s there are four things we worry about more than anything else: love, money, the future, and our friendships. As we grow and change, the relationships around us will also naturally change and we may begin to notice how we are seeing our friends less and less, watching certain friendships fizzle out or completely outgrowing each other. It's not the same as it once was. This can cause a lot of panic. But underneath the fear of our changing friendships is a more primal fear of being alone. 

In today's episode we break down the psychology behind our evolving friendships, the four types of friendship breakup, and how to adapt to these new kinds of relationship in our 20s, alongside the biggest friendship misconceptions that keep us in unfulfilling situations. All of that and more. Listen now! 

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Have you ever had the experience of leaving a conversation and feeling like something you said was off, you sounded weird, you were awkward, worrying about what this person may think of you? This experience is much more common than we think and in today’s episode we break down the psychology behind why we replay conversations, exploring:

We often place the perceptions and opinions of others on a pedestal and try to closely manage their judgements of us, but that may not always be helpful. We also explore ways you can break out of the thought spiral and regain control. Listen now!

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In this week's episode we discuss the curse of being an overachiever. Society celebrates us for our successes, for our ability to work hard, push ourselves and constantly be the best. But this sometimes has contradictory consequences whereby the more we invest in our achievements, the less satisfaction and fulfillment we feel. We break down the paradox of being an overachiever and explore: 

Listen now! 

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We all know the feeling of wanting desperately to move on from someone - an ex, a past love, situationship, someone we know we shouldn't be with - but being unable to stop obsessively thinking about them. In this episode we explore the psychology behind why that is, but also how to get to the next stage of healing where you are free of the past memories, thoughts and your feelings for this person. We discuss: 

If you are struggling to move on, even though you've tried and are ready, this one is for you as we unpack how to move on from someone you can't stop thinking about. 

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Envy is ingrained into our human psyche, each and every one of us has, at times, compared ourselves to someone who has more, or possesses a quality or a level of success that we don't, and felt that familiar spike of pain. In today's episode we break down the psychology behind envy, and why it reflects a deeper insecurity in ourselves we are not ready to recognise. We explore: 

If you want to become friends with that green-eyed monster, this episode is for you. Listen now! 

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Dating in our 20s can feel like a minefield, a lot of people don't know what they want, what they like, we get ghosted, we get stood up, and then there are the first dates. First dates can feel intimidating but today we are breaking down my 10 tips to have the best first dates of your life. By adopting the mindset that you are there to learn more about yourself and have a fun experience, we take first dates off a pedestal and lower the stakes.

Dating is a skill than anything else, it is something that we get better at over time, so what are some ways that we can have better first dates from a psychological perspective, how can we really draw these people in, feel our best, feel most charismatic and in our power but also able to get what we want out of this experience: from the scent you wear, to the location you should choose, the nonverbal cues you should be putting out, how to leverage the power of suspense, all of that and more in this episode. Listen now. 

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Dr David Rosmarin is an Associate Professor at Harvard Medical School and the founder of the Centre for Anxiety. Today he joins us on the podcast to discuss how we are getting anxiety WRONG as we break down a new approach to managing our anxiety, rather than approaching it with fear. For anyone who is anxious or has battled anxiety in their 20s and beyond, join us for a vulnerable conversation of how anxiety may actually be your superpower and how it has even created stronger relationships for me, personally. Listen now. 

Buy Thriving With Anxiety, Dr Rosmarin's new book: https://www.amazon.com/Thriving-Anxiety-Tools-Make-Your/dp/1400327857/ref=sr_1_1?qid=1698370899&refinements=p_27%3ADavid+H.+Rosmarin&s=books&sr=1-1 

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Today we're having a candid chat about how I'm going. How I'm really going! We discuss imposter syndrome, why I've been putting way too much pressure on myself as of late and in the lead up to 2024 and why that has manifested in some serious burnout and illness (don't mind my Covid voice). I also break down my struggles with being disliked, particularly online and how we can manage and redirect the opinions of others to ensure they do not interrupt our journey to being our most authentic selves. Listen now for a candid catch up, all my love, Jem x 

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Putting off a task to the last minute might feel good in the moment, but it often leads to a lot of long term consequences and stress. In today's episode we discuss the psychology behind why we procrastinate. Procrastination is often confused with laziness and poor time management, but its so much more than that. Many of us are chronic procrastinators because of factors like: 

We break down all those causes of procrastination, alongside my SIX crucial tips for managing your chronic procrastination, from chunking, to the 80/20 rule, self imposed deadlines and using social accountability. Listen now! 

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Our relationship with food is so much more psychological then it appears to be, and the evidence for that can be seen with emotional eating. Sometimes we eat as a way to process or regulate our emotions, rather than from actual hunger. This can disrupt our relationship with food and lead us to develop unhealthy coping mechanisms. In today's episode, we discuss: 

I also share my own journey with emotional eating and how my relationship with food has evolved in my 20s. Listen now.

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For help: https://butterfly.org.au/?gclid=CjwKCAjwvrOpBhBdEiwAR58-3AO4fboC3MOLarMlVv5a-GZOaOwWQVSLDtvuPrq4qOLM0zJwFiWt2xoCsHQQAvD_BwE 

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You're dating someone new and suddenly, they show up to a date wearing crocs, or wear goggles to the beach and you get the ick. You immediately lose all attraction to them, you feel the immediate need to end the relationship, why is that? In this episode we break down some of the surprising psychology behind the ick, including the links to our intuition, emotional unavailability, rejection sensitivity and more, but also why the ick isn't always a death sentence. We also discuss why we voluntarily give ourselves the ick towards the people we're interested in and how we can use it to detach from people who may not be good for us. All of that and more! Listen now. 

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The post graduation blues can leave us feeling incredibly anxious, aimless and stuck, battling with the question of 'what next'? We are faced with a number of significant changes and transitions such as increasing distance between us and our friends, financial anxiety and having to make significant career decisions. All of this can culminate is a sense of choice overload and paralysis, but also a overwhelming sense of nostalgia to return back to the 'good old days'. In this episode, we break down exactly why you may be feeling lost after university and how to find a sense of meaning and purpose when it comes to post graduation life, and manage the career anxiety that comes with our 20s. Listen now! 

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Taylor Swift is possibly the most famous person in the world right now, beloved by millions, streamed by billions, her eras tour may have even saved the US economy. What is it about her as an artist, a celebrity and a person that is so uniquely captivating? How has she continued to reach new heights, new fans and achieve such career longevity? And why do so many of us feel an emotional connection to her and her music, despite never having met her? 

In this episode we discuss all of the underlying psychology behind the success and obsession with Taylor Swift; not just as a musician, but as a brand and a business, maybe even a friend, including: 

Taylor Swift is more than an artist. For many swifities, she is a lifestyle and an idol whose music has been a part of our lives since we were kids or teenagers, bookmarking certain chapters and milestones as we have grown up alongside her. Today, let's break down the psychology behind everything we love, and sometimes dislike about Taylor Swift. 

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We have all had that experience of feeling bored with our everyday life, whereby we look around and our daily experiences have lost some of the colour and excitement. Why is that the case? Psychology can provide some explanations including: 

We discuss all these reasons and more, as well as what we can do to change that! How can we break out of this boredom cycle and feel like our lives and everyday experiences are meaningful by embracing the beauty of an anti-routine, challenging ourselves to try new things once a week, keeping ourselves open to opportunities (even ones that are scary) or even trying a dopamine detox. Listen now for when life feels boring!

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On today's episode we bring on the wonderful, Katy Bellotte, to discuss everything love, dating and relationship in our 20s. We discuss what it feels like to have never had a relationship in your 20s, the milestone anxiety and societal pressure that makes us to feel like we need to settle for someone we're not fully committed to, feeling behind and what it feels like to finally find the one. Katy also talks moving to New York City, what it's like to live your life online and managing expectations around social media. Listen now! 

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We all know the feeling of oversharing at a party or work function and feeling the sting of embarrassment and shame the next day. So why do we feel the need to overshare with others, even though it has emotional and mental consequences? In this episode we explore the psychology of oversharing, from the difference between trauma dumping and authenticity, why oversharing soothes our social anxiety or can be used subconsciously to fast-track a relationship. We also discuss the links to ADHD and the emotional aftermath, particularly the experience of a 'vulnerability hangover', as well as my 5 key tips to stop oversharing. Listen now. 

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One of the hardest dilemmas we have to face is when it's time to walk away from someone you still love because you know the relationship isn’t right for you. We can often find ourselves stuck in a constant battle between knowing what is right, and what our heart wants us to do. In this episode we break down the five key signs its time to walk away, particularly for those of us in our 20s, and why these reasons matter the most, exploring ideas of: 

We also explore why we find it so difficult, the reasons that hold us back, including as the stigma around being the one to initiate the breakup and feeling like a failure for your relationship not working out. 

You should not be with someone who is not adding to your life in your 20s. This is your time to be your own person, to prioritise exactly what is going to make YOU happy, not stay out of obligation or because of fear, family pressure or expectations. Is this the life you want, with this person? Are they making you the best version of yourself? Are they making you happy? Why don’t you deserve someone who does, even if it takes a while and is a bit scary. 

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ThePsychologyofyour20s 

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Resources: 

https://www.whiteribbon.org.au/helplines/ 

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/domestic-violence-and-abuse.htm 

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This is a question I have been asking myself a lot recently as someone who is VERY invested in the self-help space. Have we reached a point where we are too aware of our problems, faults, thoughts, actions and behaviours? Self awareness can free us from so many mental restrictions, it allows us to make better decisions, be a better friend, a better person, invest in our dreams and values. But at some point, we can reach a stage where we are too invested in self-reflection and introspection that it interrupts our enjoyment of the moment, can isolate us or even result in obsessive overthinking and rumination. In this episode we explore what it means to be self-aware and how online self help content might be causing us more harm than good. Listen now. 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thatpsychologypodcast/ 

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Many of us battle with a deep-rooted fear and anxiety that those we love will leave us. Maybe we have been hurt in a past relationship, or witnessed a messy divorce or the passing of ones we love and we have unconsciously learned to associated vulnerability, intimacy and love with pain and disappointment. This fear of abandonment can cause us to sabotage otherwise perfectly healthy relationships or to push people away out of an irrational fear they will leave us, only to end up just as alone as if they had. In this episode we explore the following: 

We all want to accept others into out lives and trust the people we love will stay by our side so if you're struggling with an irrational fear or anxiety of abandonment, listen now. 

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The new reality of dating in your 20s is that the majority of us who are single are on the dating apps. Tinder, Hinge and Bumble have completely changed how we approach dating by expanding our options, making dating convenient and accessible and are increasingly becoming the way many of us meet our partners. A study conducted by the Pew Research Centre found that almost half of us between 18 and 29 have used a dating app. Yet, this has also transformed a lot of our offline behaviours towards dating. In this episode we break down the psychology behind dating apps including: 

We are also joined by the wonderful Lucille McCart from Bumble who discusses how we can use dating apps to their full potential in our 20s. She explains how we can convert our online matches into real world connections, why you should be the one asking people on dates and the benefit dating people outside of your 'type'. All of that a more. Listen now. 

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A lot of us in our 20s feel the urge to upend everything and move to a new city - maybe for work, for a partner or just for the pure adventure of a new experience and environment. So in this episode we're going to break down why our 20s are perhaps the best time to make this major life change, from the lack of external responsibilities to the psychological benefits it brings, including self reflection, promoting a growth mindset and realising our ideal selves. We'll also explore why the urge to move to a new city really reflects our innate novelty seeking behaviour and why some people, the so called 'serial movers', can never seem to stay in one place for long. And finally, what are some of the practical ways we can actually do this and build community, maintain financial security, avoid feeling isolated? And what exactly is the so-called '6 month' rule? All of that and more, listen now! 

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It's been a while since my last life update so I thought we would take a bit of a breather and sit down for a nice chatty episode, just for you all the loyal podcast listeners, discussing all the recent changes and surprises that have been transpiring in my life as of late. From discovering what a healthy relationship looks like after years of tragic dating stories, the end of my single era, to moving to NYC and writing a book (!!!) there is so much to cover, alongside answering some of your burning questions. Listen now! 

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Increasingly, those of us in our 20s are facing an exceeding pressure to be exceptional and have a million accomplishments and accolades under our belt. If we are not successful, what are we worth? Examples like the Forbes 30 under 30, the wunderkind phenomena and young success stories all make us feel like we're not achieving enough or are falling behind. Today we're going to break down exactly why we feel this way, using theories around self determination, observational learning and social comparison. We'll also examine how we can break away from our need to be defined by our successes using practices like mindfullness, examining our online persona and capturing delight to use our 20s to explore rather than excel. Listen now! 

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Each of us deals with feelings of embarrassment, awkwardness and feeling social self conscious every now and then. But social anxiety can cause us a level of emotional, mental and physical discomfort that disrupts out ability to build authentic connection and can hold us back. In this episode we break down the psychology of social anxiety, particularly deconstructing the belief that everyone is judging us or that the opinions of others matter. We look at the distinction between everyday anxiety and a social phobia, the links to perfectionism and overthinking and methods for managing our social anxiety including the "so what" mentality and treating our anxiety like excitement rather than fear to allow us to pursue social authenticity over perfectionism. All that and more, listen now!

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In this week's episode we discuss the psychology of your ego and what its trying to tell us! Ego can feel nasty and entitled but it comes from a place of deep insecurity that we need to unpack before we can truly understand ourselves. We look at the 6 signs your ego is in control, where ego comes from and how to replace it with self esteem and humility. We also discuss why ego and self confidence are different things even though they sometimes look similar: how ego is insecure, inconsistent and relies on the perceived inferiority of others whilst confidence is stable, sure and kind. Remember, you are not your ego so in this episode we talk how to rein it in, accept it as part of who we are and move forward. Listen now. 

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Love, dating and friendships can feel like a black box in our 20s when we're trying to make the most out of our formative years. None of us have the answers or a guide to some of our biggest questions - how do I actually make new friends, how many friends should I have, should I be settling down this early or exploring my options? In part two of this series we breakdown how to make the most out of our personal relationships during this decade. We discuss why your answer should always be 'yes', why quantity over quality may actually be more correct when it comes to friendships in our 20s and the benefit on getting our heart broken and loving as deeply as possible during this period. We also cover my 7 tips for personal growth to make the most out of this decade, from letting go of our ego to taking time to uncover our childhood wounds, as well as the power of just having a laugh at yourself every now and then. All that and more, listen now! 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thatpsychologypodcast/ 

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How do we actually make the most of our 20s? Career anxiety, feeling stuck, taking risks and managing our money (do we spend or save) are all big concerns we have in this period. So how do we manage these dilemmas and choices to create our dream life in our 20s, and what does that dream life even look like? In part one of our mini series, we examine the major decisions we make during this decade around our future and how we can approach them to get the best outcome. We discuss the importance of taking risks, moving to a new city, quitting your terrible job and trying as many things as possible. We also talk money, dymystifying some of the stigma around how people in their 20s are actually spending their money and why you should be spending on experiences rather than temporary things. Listen now! Part two out Friday! 

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Trauma seems like a bit of a black box at times, something that we all experience as part of our life journey as humans but surrounded by a lot of misinformation. In this episode, we are joined by our guest, Dr MC McDonald, author of The Trauma Response Is Never Wrong to break down all of the science and psychology behind why we react to trauma the way we do, suppressed memories, what actually counts as 'traumatic' and the impact of trauma on our body. We also explore some of the more unexpected traumas we encounter and attempt to answer the question "will I ever heal from my trauma?". All that and more in this episode. 

Follow Dr MC: https://www.instagram.com/mc.phd/

Purchase her book here: https://www.amazon.com/Unbroken-Trauma-Response-Never-Things/dp/1683648846

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Love and attachment feel very similar, and it's very easy to confuse the two especially in the early stages of dating when we are overwhelmed by infatuation and the novelty of a new relationship. However, they are very different. Whilst love is a deliberate choice, mutual, selflessness, and long lasting, attachment is unconscious, can be one-sided and based on what serves our needs. Confusing these two feelings can cause us to pursue the wrong people, invest too quickly and, at times, end up hurt and disappointed. Today we're going to explore how to tell the difference, why we need to protect ourselves from getting attached too quickly, especially when we are prone to fantasy bonding or bread crumbing, and how to detach and let that bond develop slowly. We're also going to talk about the 6 questions we can use to answer the question: am I in love, or am I just attached? Listen now! 

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In this episode, I want to talk about depression. And not just from a psychological and scientific perspective but also from a personal perspective, sharing parts of my story. It's not something I've talked about much on the podcast but recently I've really come to terms with my own shame and stigma and I want to discuss where I'm at now, the journey I've been on and how its impacted the life I've created for myself in my 20s. We're also going to explore some of the key principles and theories behind the origins of depression, misconceptions, the different forms of depression, historical recognition of this condition, whether exercise really is a 'cure', and the new frontier of depression research, including the proposed use of psychedelics and ketamine. 

If you or someone you know needs help, please see the below resources: 

Beyond Blue - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/

Black Dog Institute - https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/resources-support/depression/ 

Lifeline (for immediate over the phone support) - 13 11 14 

For further reading, please see the below articles: 

Genetic Factors in Major Depression - https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6065213/ 

Childhood Trauma and Its Relationship to Chronic Depression in Adulthood - https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4677006/

Depression as a disease of modernity - https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3330161/ 

Effects of Naturalistic Psychedelic Use on Depression, Anxiety, and Well-Being - https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2022.831092/full

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Everyone is talking about healing our inner child, but what about our inner teenager? We experience certain things in adolescence that we don't experience as children and these can manifest in different behaviours, defence mechanisms and emotional wounds that continue with us into adulthood. Whilst the inner child is seen as gentle and vulnerable, the inner teen may be angry, misunderstood and lonely. So in this episode we break some some of the psychology and theories behind healing your inner teen, including the interactions with our hormones, certain life experiences and the impact of our first romantic encounters and sexual experiences. We also explore how we can release the rage of our inner teen, express those wounds and use the adult chair method to feel more connected with this past version. 

The Adult Chair Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/4FzdV2nB2BZlywCxowM1Xw?si=080b7a4a392d4dde

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All of us are going to mess up. In our 20s and every decade thereafter. But its what we choose to do with those mistakes that's important. In this episode we explore why we often regret past decisions and actions, looking at the development of our brain and personality, we also explore the distinction between regret and guilt and why both emotions may actually be protecting us from future pain. Part of this is understanding the difference between our actual and ideal self and the psychology behind why we choose to punish ourselves for past mistakes rather than embrace them and move on. Self forgiveness is the most powerful antidote and we'll dive into exactly how to enact this practice and release those painful memories and mistakes from our past through accountability and shared humanity. Listen now!

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It’s something we all inevitably experience in our dating lives, the pain of a break-up, saying goodbye to someone we loved and then, one day, the realisation that your ex has moved on and is with someone new. It can be incredibly confronting and painful, so today we're going to explore exactly why it hurts, even if deep down, we know we were never going to work. We will dive into the psychological ideas and theories behind rosy retrospection, social comparison, our self worth and the emotional and psychological closure that occurs when our ex moves on. We also examine the role of the rebound and why it’s important to take time to heal before getting into a new relationship, as explained by the addiction model of heartbreak and stages of grief. But finally, what next? Now that the chapter has finally closed, how do we move on and heal in a healthy manner and ignore those lingering self doubts that everything we had with our ex, they're now having with someone. All that and more in this episode, listen now! 

Patreon: https://patreon.com/ThePsychologyofyour20s 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thatpsychologypodcast/?hl=en 

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This week we're discussing the secret and the science behind the healing powers of nature. Our generation has become increasingly detached from the outdoors and our wild roots, with over 90% of our days spent indoors or on a screen, often at the expense of our mental wellbeing, sense of self, psychological and spiritual connection with the land and overall physical health. In this episode we explore ideas around nature deficit disorder, recent longitudinal studies on the impacts of green spaces on our mental health and practices such as forest bathing, forest schools, water therapy and what we can learn from the deep connection that Indigenous groups have with the land. We also discuss how we can easily integrate more time outdoors into our daily routine to radically improve our psychological wellbeing. Listen now. 

Patreon: https://patreon.com/ThePsychologyofyour20s 

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Independence is highly regarded as an admirable personality trait - we are obsessed with people who are self made, who solo travel, pay their own bills and don't seem to need anyone. However, our sense of independence can become problematic when we approach the point of hyper-independency. Hyper-independence refers to an excessive sense of self sufficiency and self reliance, in which we deny the help of others, prefer doing things on our own and avoid emotional vulnerability. Researchers have since suggested that this kind of behaviour may actually be a trauma response, whereby we push others away to protect ourselves from being hurt due to past experiences. In today's episode we break down the psychology of hyper-independence, specifically its origins in childhood emotional neglect and being forced to grow up too soon. We examine the major indicators of hyper-independence, the links to codependency, as well as the consequences this can have for our love lives and careers, whilst also exploring how we can heal. Listen now. 

Patreon: https://patreon.com/ThePsychologyofyour20s

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So often in life, we are our own worst enemies. The meanest and loudest voice in our head is our own. So why are we so hard on ourselves? In this episode we break down the psychological underpinnings behind our inner critic, from the proposed evolutionary role of negative self talk, to the influence of our upbringing including the distinction between conditional and unconditional positive regard, parental expectations and childhood bullying. We examine how social comparison and overthinking can contribute to a poor self perception but, also, how we can adopt the methods of radical self compassion and cognitive diffusion to silence that inner voice and be free from self judgement. Listen now! 

Patreon: https://patreon.com/ThePsychologyofyour20s

Harvard Business Review article: https://hbr.org/2021/05/stop-being-so-hard-on-yourself

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The term 'gaslighting' has grown in popularity in recent years and become part of our shared psychobabble, giving our generation the language to describe a pattern of behaviour that has existed for centuries. This week on the podcast, we explore a recent story in the media on gaslighting and dive into what gaslighting actually means from a psychological perspective. We explore the origins of the term, how it references pop culture, the six behavioural patterns adopted by gaslighters and the links to narcissism and pathological lying. We also discuss how to identify this behaviour, detach from these individuals and move forward from the emotional hangover created by gaslighting. All that and more, listen now! 

Subscribe to our Patreon: https://patreon.com/ThePsychologyofyour20s

The article mentioned: https://www.asanet.org/wp-content/uploads/attach/journals/oct19asrfeature.pdf 

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On this week's episode we discuss why we fall into a so called 'rut' and how to pull ourselves out of it and rekindle our sense of self! Our 20s represent a transition into adulthood where we can find ourselves more and more detached from ourselves, uninspired, unmotivated, unexcited by life. The reasons for why this occurs varies, from the transition to full-time work, experiencing failure, the monotony of daily routine and even chronic stress. We're going to discuss six psychological strategies and theories for how we can break out of this cycle, including the benefits of impulsive behaviour, the healing power of nature, how to set a weekly challenge and much more. For all my 20-something year olds out there, stuck in a bit of a rut. This episode if for you. 

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TW: Domestic violence, sexual abuse. In her early 20s, Amy suffered an unimaginable loss. Her mother was murdered at the hands of her brother. But what came next is an even more incredible story of growth, advocacy and overcoming adversity and trauma. In this week's episode, we speak to Amy about trauma in our 20s and how we can push through grief and loss. We discuss the power of positive self talk, the psychology of complex PTSD, unlearning generational trauma and how to use your pain to help others. Listen now. 

Follow the incredible Amy to hear more about her work: https://www.instagram.com/amybchesler/

Amy's podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/3amRVnSbdrioaBoaHcNRiq?si=364be5d8f92043b1 

Buy Amy's book: https://www.amazon.com.au/Working-Justice-Familys-Betrayal-Healing/dp/1642937541 

If you found this episode distressing, please see the following resources for additional assistance:

Reachout: https://au.reachout.com/

Beyond Blue: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/ 

Mental Health America: https://www.mhanational.org/get-involved/contact-us 

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Being single has never been more common, with more people being single than ever before in history. And yet, we still experience a great degree of social and internal stigma, and even shame, around our relationship status. From the comments of family or friends saying that "you'll find someone soon", to the movies where marriage and partnership is the happy ending, sometimes we feel the need to settle in order to be happy or live up to societies expectations. In today's episode we explore the psychology behind this - from gender schema theory, to the scarcity effect, media psychology, identity fusion, and the hidden benefits of our single years. We also discuss whether it's wrong to want a relationship and whether we need to be fully healed before dating again? The answer is, it's complicated. Listen now!

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Overthinking can sometimes feel like an endless mental maze that we're trapped in. This tendency to overthink can also lead to chronic indecisiveness and obsessive acknowledgement of the opinions of others. But overthinking is much more common that when we think, and may actually indicate a greater sense of self awareness and emotional intelligence. In this episode we explore why we have a tendency to overthink, from the illusion of control, to perfectionism, childhood learning and the link to ADHD and depressive rumination. We'll also dive into the strategies and ways we can control our overthinking and become better decision makers without needing to consider every outcome or ruminate for days. This episode is for all my fellow chronic overthinkers, listen now! 

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The desire to be unique and individual is one that we all feel, especially in our 20s as we begin to establish our 'adult' identity and make efforts to distinguish ourselves. In this weeks episode we discuss seven major tips and strategies for being the most interesting and unique person in any room - from embracing unconventional thinking, rejecting the herd mentality of trends and the desire to be the "it" girl, spending time in nature, and challenging yourself creatively, being different is no longer and bad thing. Listen now to learn the psychology behind how we can be completely unique. 

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This week we sit down for an intimate conversation with the incredible Claud Bailey, a queer film director and queer youth advocate based in Sydney, Australia to discuss what our gender and sexuality means for our 20s. We dive into the meaning of community, gender expression, the beauty of queerness and how to navigate coming of age as a queer person in the 21st century, along with the role of being a responsible and compassionate ally. Alongside this we also explore the power of rituals, the relationship between pleasure and pain and the role of beauty in enjoying our lives to the fullest. Listen now to hear more from our wonderful guest! 

Follow Claud: https://www.instagram.com/ /?hl=en

Wear It Purple: https://www.wearitpurple.org/ 

The Trevor Project: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/ 

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Today we're discussing the increasing prevalence of ghosting in modern dating. The use of dating apps has created a sense of choice overload, whilst social media has simultaneously allowed us a sense of online anonymity and diminished our ability to communicate, resulting in a rise in ghosting. Being ghosted can leave us craving emotional closure and feeling a sense of rejection. However, there are a number of psychological motivations behind why people ghost us, including emotional unavailability, emotional intelligence, the Dark Triad of narcissism, psychopathy and machiavellianism, but also people pleasing tendencies and convenience. We explore all of these reasons and more, as well as the best response to being ghosted and how we can provide ourselves with the psychological closure and answers we need. Listen now.

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HAPPY 100th EPISODE! In this week's episode, we are celebrating two very special milestones - 100 episodes of The Psychology of your 20s and the 2 year anniversary of the show. I decided to sit down and answer some of your questions around what I've learned from this experience, what advice I would give, how I'm going, my future plans, why heartbreak gave me the best gift I could have asked for and give some lighting round advice to my most asked questions. 

I want to say a huge thank you for all the support and love this show has received. It had such humble beginnings. I started it as an audio journal to just talk about my 20s and now its my full time job and my greatest passion. Your support means the world, thank you to all my listeners, new and old for the way you changed my life! Listen now for more sappy reflections. 

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In our 20s we can often feel like we have to have a plan for our lives or a 5 year vision for where we want to be. This can cause us to be boxed in and blind to the surprises opportunities that life throws our way. The idea of a 5 year plan is a myth and in today's episode, we are going to break down why. From societal conventions of a 'good' life, the butterfly effect, the psychology behind impulsive decisions and goal setting and the need for a sense of control over the chaos of our 20s, we explore all that and more to uncover why your school counsellor was wrong and you DON'T need a five year plan for your life. Listen now. 

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Sometimes our biggest enemy isn't others, it's ourselves. Self sabotage is a complicated psychological experience whereby we unconsciously undermine our own goals and wellbeing because of an implicit belief that we don't deserve our success, are afraid of failure, or cannot allow ourselves to be happy. From dating people we shouldn't, to procrastination, indecision, doom scrolling and self destructive behaviours, it all comes down to our unconscious beliefs about our self worth. Today we explore the origins and causes of self sabotage, from Freud's ideas of the 'death drive' and 'anti-self', coping mechanisms, to the impact of unresolved emotional trauma and self punishment to understand why it is we self sabotage, and how we can get out of our own way. Listen now. 

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Long distance in any relationship can be hard, so why do we choose to do it? In our 20s our relationships take on an increased level of seriousness, but at the same time we are also presented with so many wonderful decisions to travel, move new places, try new positions and jobs and figure out what we want from our lives. However, our partners don't always make the same decision. In this episode, we discuss the long distance dilemma - why distance can cause so much friction and conflict, the crucial considerations and signs that your long distance relationship will last, and how to know when its time to call it quits and walk away. We reveal all the psychology behind why long distance relationships work, and why they don't. Listen now. 

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Recently I've been feeling, as the episode title says, ugly. My relationship with my body and sense of 'attractiveness' has always been complicated and in the past few months, certain events and experiences have only exacerbated a lot of the insecurities I've had since childhood. So I wanted to talk about it, because I know I'm not the only one. Our 20s involve a lot of self growth, coming into our own identity and reframing our mindset on appearance and our relationships with our bodies. So what are some of the reasons why we feel 'ugly', how does that experience impact our emotional and mental wellbeing, what is the influence of societally held beauty standards and how we can escape this narrative that our looks are the extend of our worth to society. We talk about all of that and more in today's episode. Listen now. 

If you need further information, resources or assistance please refer to the following services: 

Australia - The Butterfly Foundation
https://butterfly.org.au/get-support/helpline/

USA - National Eating Disorders Association
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org

UK - Beat Eating Disorders
https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk

Canada - National Eating Disorder Information Centre
https://nedic.ca

Worldwide - https://www.verywellmind.com/leading-eating-disorder-charities-and-organizations-4145389

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Dating in our 20s can feel like an uphill battle, and many of us are seeking an alternative to casual relationships and meaningless flings or hookups. This week on the podcast, we discuss how we can adopt an intentional approach to our romantic life and dating decisions, in particular, how this can free us from some of the pressure and stress that accompanies dating in our 20s. We discuss the psychology and research behind self awareness, value and goal orientation, self concept, understanding what others want and how to lower your expectations and meet people organically so that we can embrace the excitement and fun of meeting new people and forming meaningful connections. Listen now. 

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In 2020, Bradley found himself questioning death. He was 24 and lying in hospital bed with bleeding lungs caused by his condition, cystic fibrosis. Three years later, he has run multiple marathons, left behind his successful career as a realtor and is now running his podcast 'A Lot To Talk About', sharing his story. This week we break down his journey, including his philosophy towards overcoming the adversity we all face in our 20s, whatever that may be. We dive into the psychology of living with a chronic disease and how Bradley's entire perspective has changed since 2020. Listen to his inspiring story and interview now. 

Bradley's podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/0F7u8INlXQ0KvtjwK6Zf12?si=3bfe175327f94848

Follow Bradley on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bradleyjdryburgh/?hl=en

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