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Ross O'Carroll-Kelly

Ross O'Carroll-Kelly

The Irish Times

The weekly Ross o'Carroll-Kelly column in audio, read by Paul Howard.


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504 - ‘I didn’t play football for Rathnew. I didn’t play football for anyone. I resent the allegation’
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  • 504 - ‘I didn’t play football for Rathnew. I didn’t play football for anyone. I resent the allegation’

    I tell Honor that I’m proud of her.


    I’m there, “Obviously, I don’t mean that literally?” because all she’s actually done is spend her Paddy’s Day picking litter up off the beach in Curracloe as port of her community service. “I’m proud of the way you’re, like, owning what you did?”



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    Fri, 22 Mar 2024 - 5min
  • 503 - Three European Cups, three Six Nations, one Grand Slam – but never winning a Leinster Schools Senior Cup clearly still rankles Heaslip

    I’m the first to arrive. I order a pint of the obvious and I do a quick circuit of the place. There’s no one here yet, even though I said eight o’clock and it’s quarter-past already. Fr Fehily wouldn’t have put up with that. What was it he used to say? Better three hours too early than a minute too late?


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    Fri, 15 Mar 2024 - 5min
  • 502 - ‘Don’t tell me I don’t know Ross O’Carroll-Kelly. You bullied me for most of secondary school’

    I suppose it was bound to happen sooner or later.


    “Ross?” the dude goes, pulling a face at me across the net. “Ross O’Carroll-Kelly?”



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    Fri, 08 Mar 2024 - 5min
  • 501 - ‘I haven’t cheated on you in, like, 10 years, though – well, let’s just say a long time’

    Sorcha asks me straight out if I’m having an affair.


    I’m like, “Why would you even think that?”



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    Fri, 01 Mar 2024 - 5min
  • 500 - Honor rubs at the graffiti with a dainty, circular motion, like she’s applying foundation to the face of an elderly loved one

    I haven’t seen Honor look this angry since the time she spear-tackled a woman who tried to cheat her out of first place in the sack race at the Castle Pork Dalkey Open Sports Day.


    She’s like, “What ... the... fock?”



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    Fri, 23 Feb 2024 - 6min
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