The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

Tami Wollensak returns to the show! She shares more about divorcing and the nuances of keeping, selling, or refinancing your home. Tami is a licensed mortgage loan originator and a 28+ year industry veteran. She has discovered her passion in helping divorcing individuals navigate their home equity solutions and mortgage options while going through the most challenging time. Grab your notebook and a pen - this episode is a notetaking one that busts some myths and provides expert advice on what questions to ask when considering whether to take or leave the house during your divorce.   Featured topics: Assuming the mortgage on the marital home: The answer to “Can my ex assume the mortgage on the marital home?” is not always “No.” (4:18) What are your options if you are unable to assume the mortgage? (21:00) The importance of considering the long-term consequences of sharing a mortgage with your ex (23:21) The information you need to be able to decide if you can assume a mortgage (28:04) Learn more about Tami Wollensak: Tami Wollensak is a licensed mortgage loan officer and a 28+ year veteran of the industry, she has experience working in multiple roles and facets of the industry. She has discovered her true passion in helping divorcing individuals navigate their home equity solutions and mortgage options while going through the most challenging time of their life. Tami has earned the certification as a Certified Divorce Lending Professional (CDLP®). This specialization provides the ability to identify potential gaps in the agreement that cannot be met during the mortgage process. Tami works with her client’s attorney, coach, mediator, or financial advisor to help guide them through all the options available to ensure a successful outcome regarding the divorcing couple’s real estate or future purchase. Tami has been a guest on multiple podcasts, speaks regularly and contributes to many media outlets on divorce mortgage planning and helping divorcing homeowners to make better and more informed decisions when it comes to their real property. As a Mortgage Loan Originator, Tami’s goal is to educate her clients, take the mystery and anxiety out of the mortgage process, and provide a sense of security and peace to each of them. Tami can lend in all 50 states. (NMLS #1963450) Resources & Links: Kate’s book “The D Word” - audiobook available now! Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Tami’s website Tami on Facebook  Tami on LinkedIn Tami on Instagram Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-262-home-equity-solutions-in-divorce-with-tami-wollensak/ =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Licensed Psychologist Dr. Justine Weber is on the show this week as we explore the complex journey of healing after leaving an abusive relationship. Her recent book is, “How the F*ck Do I Heal From This?” and the title (and content) is a favorite of mine! In the book and during our conversation, Dr. Weber walks us through understanding narcissistic abuse and how to put your life back together after everything feels like it has fallen apart.   Together, we explore everything from dealing with post-separation abuse and navigating co-parenting with a narcissist to finding solace in somatic therapy and building back self-trust. This episode unpacks the multifaceted process of healing and empowerment. Featured topics: Somatic therapy and learning to reconnect with Self (11:33) Navigating post-separation abuse while working toward healing (17:42) Tips and insights for communicating with a narcissist (22:41) How to cope and detach from legal threats made by your abuser (35:27) Learn more about Justine Weber: California licensed Psychologist, a coach helping people heal after a narcissistic relationship, certified in high conflict divorce coaching, and a recent book author titled "How the fuck do I heal from this? Understanding narcissistic abuse and how to put your life back together". Resources & Links: Kate’s book “The D Word” - audiobook available now! Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Justine’s website Justine’s book, “How the F*ck Do I Heal From This?” BIFF for Co-Parent Communication =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Relationship coach and author Bryan Reeves joins me this week to discuss relationships, personal growth, and societal constructs. Bryan’s journey from military service to relationship coaching reveals insights into the power and necessity of connecting with emotions, especially for men.  Many of Bryan’s insights are drawn from his work with couples and his book, “Choose Her Every Day or Leave Her,” focusing on choosing connection over disconnection, confronting one’s fears, and the transformative power of love and accountability in relationships. Bryan’s work is incredibly important. Please listen to what’s possible in the world of relationships. This is truly an insightful conversation! Featured topics: Most men come to relationship work when they realize they have no choice… (3:01) How culture teaches men to suppress emotions and the journey from disconnection to real connection with feelings and others (5:17) Bryan talks about what he means when he says he teaches men “to care and not care simultaneously.” (20:00) Creating safety in relationship with women and taking responsibility (38:51) Encouraging men’s engagement in personal growth (48:12) Learn more about Bryan Reeves: A former US Air Force Captain, Bryan is now an internationally renowned Author and Life/Relationship Coach with a current focus on supporting men to have better lives and relationships. His viral blog has been read by over 50 million people in every country on the planet (except North Korea). He’s the co-founder of “Elevate Your Relationship,” a live coaching program for men ready to elevate their relationship game, which currently serves men in 10 countries. He’s co-host of the popular podcast, “Men, This Way,” and his newest book, Choose Her Every Day (Or Leave Her), is available on Audible, Amazon and other retailers. Resources & Links: Kate’s book “The D Word” – audiobook available now! Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Bryan’s website Bryan’s book: Choose Her Every Day (Or Leave Her) Women Who Run With Wolves, Clarissa Pinkola Estes -------------------------------- DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Psychologist and writer Kerry McAvoy joins me to discuss the challenges of being in a relationship with someone who has narcissistic personality disorder. We also delve into its effects on individuals and share insights on self-nurturing after the relationship ends. Kerry Kerr McAvoy is a psychologist and a writer who educates on social media about cultivating healthy relationships, deconstructing narcissism, and understanding various other mental health-related issues. Her book, Love You More, gives an uncensored glimpse into the dynamics of narcissistic abuse. Featured topics: We explore the phrase “It takes two to tango…” Does it, though, when narcissistic abuse or toxicity is involved in a relationship? (1:49) Is there anything that you can do to help a narcissistic and abusive partner? The short answer is no. (7:00) Narcissistic Personality is a disorder. It’s not a mental health condition. Kerry explains the distinction. (11:58) The slow dismantling of Self when you are in an abusive relationship. (15:29) Covert Aggression: what it means and how it shows up (19:56) Focusing on and nurturing yourself back to life is essential in a relationship that has dimmed you. (46:08) Learn more about Kerry McAvoy: Kerry Kerr McAvoy is a psychologist and a writer who educates on social media about cultivating healthy relationships, deconstructing narcissism, and understanding various other mental health-related issues. Her book, Love You More, gives an uncensored glimpse into the dynamics of narcissistic abuse. Resources & Links: Kate’s book “The D Word - audiobook now available! Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Kerry's book, Love You More Kerry on TikTok Kerry on Instagram Kerry on Facebook Kerry on YouTube Why Can’t I Just Leave (book) Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-259-healing-from-narcissistic-relationships-with-kerry-mcavoy/ DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

My guest, Jason VanRuler, shares his direct and honest approach to working with couples and offers a fresh perspective on overcoming past challenges and building exceptional relationships. During our conversation, you’ll discover how to “Get Past Your Past” as Jason shares invaluable insights, emphasizing the importance of taking action and not seeking validation from others for your progress. We also discuss navigating resistance in relationships, dealing with differing narratives in divorce, and addressing the complexities of sex addiction within marriage. With over a decade of experience as a coach and therapist, Jason’s expertise shines through as he offers practical advice and compassionate support.  Featured topics: Jason explains what he means by “get past your past…” (2:28) “Sometimes it’s not that you don’t know what to do; it’s that you are not doing what you’re supposed to do.” (8:53) It is essential to recognize that not everyone will be happy about your progress when you do the work. Do not determine your success by the approval of the people you are surrounded by. (9:56) The effects and challenges a couple faces when one is doing the work and the other is resistant. (13:07) Jason answers, “What do you do when your ex-partner has a narrative about your divorce that differs from yours?” (22:52) The effects of sex addiction on marriage and how Jason works with couples around this type of addiction. (31:57) Learn more about Jason VanRuler: Jason VanRuler has worked in everything from the corporate world to the entrepreneurial one — and has over a decade of experience as a coach and therapist dedicated to helping others. With extensive experience as a coach, clinician, and speaker, Jason now owns a private practice, writes books, gives speeches, and facilitates and leads groups across the world. Coaching is always equal parts affirming, honest, and compassionate — and Jason’s practice has led with this approach when helping every client seeking guidance and direction. Whether it’s leadership coaching, relationship building, couples therapy, addiction, trauma, or something different, his goal is the same: to speak truth and grace into every life I work with. When Jason is not facilitating, coaching, speaking, or writing, you can find him cycling, fly fishing, and living life with his wife and three children at their home in South Dakota.   Resources & Links: Kate’s book “The D Word Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Jason’s website Jason’s book Get Past Your Past Jason on Instagram TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: PRIMIS BANK Get started navigating your new financial picture with Primis Bank. For terms and conditions, visit primisbank.com/dsg. SOBERLINK Surviving divorce is one thing, but surviving divorce with a co-parent who abuses alcohol is a whole different ball game. Soberlink is a high-tech breathalyzer system that sends you instant results of a co-parent’s alcohol levels. When your co-parent tests, their identity is automatically confirmed with facial recognition, and tamper sensors ensure no cheating has occurred. You then get instant proof that your kids are safe in their care. Court admissibility in all 50 states Facial recognition Tamper detection Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™ Help your family thrive in the new year. Visit www.soberlink.com/dsg to learn more and get $50 off your device. DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Forensic Accountant Tracy Coenen joins me for a conversation about the predatory nature of MLMs. In addition to investigating fraud for over 25 years, Tracy founded Pink Truth, a website that uncovers the problematic and damaging truth of multi-level marketing (MLM). By and large, MLM schemes overwhelm and prey upon women, falsely promising entrepreneurship and financial freedom while making them more financially dependent on an abusive structure. In this episode, Tracy and I explore how MLMs masquerade as empowering ventures but function as wolves in sheep’s clothing. Featured topics: Tracy Coenen sheds light on the predatory tactics of multi-level marketing. (6:10) False promises about entrepreneurship: We discuss the facade MLMs portray that “you are starting a business of your own…” (14:49) Instead of empowering women, MLMs make them more financially dependent on an exploitative structure. (21:31) Tracy answers, “Why are women so drawn to MLMs? Why are women a good target for this?” (42:12) Learn more about Tracy Coenen: Tracy has been investigating fraud for more than 25 years, but she didn’t always want to be a forensic accountant. With a dream of one day being a prison warden, Tracy went to Marquette University in Milwaukee, WI to get a criminology degree. A class on financial crime investigations reminded her how much she loved Encyclopedia Brown books as a kid. She continued her criminology degree, but added accounting and economics courses so she could become a CPA… and here Tracy is, finding money in cases of corporate fraud, high net worth divorce, and other financial shenanigans. Resources & Links: Kate’s book “The D Word Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Pink Truth The Dream TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: PRIMIS BANK Get started navigating your new financial picture with Primis Bank. For terms and conditions, visit primisbank.com/dsg. DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Eli Harwood, the Attachment Nerd, joins me on the podcast this week to talk about attachment theory, building deep connections, and her new book, Securely Attached: Transform Your Attachment Patterns Into Loving, Lasting Romantic Relationships! We hear about attachment styles all the time. In this episode, Eli and I nerd out on all things attachment, get to the heart of how attachment patterns impact us, and how to transform patterns that are not in service of healthy, loving relationships. Featured topics: Attachment styles/patterns: what does the developmental research say? (3:42) What attachment is from a biological/evolutionary perspective. (6:46) The different attachment patterns and how each pattern impacts relationships. (7:03) Eli answers, “Can you transform into a secure attachment pattern in an unhealthy relationship?” (24:00) It is ethically contraindicated to engage in couples therapy when abuse is present. (33:58) When you leave an abusive relationship, you will be creating a domain in your life and your children’s lives that are free of abuse. (40:28) Learn more about Eli Harwood: Eli Harwood is a licensed therapist, author, and educator who has more than 17 years of experience helping people process relational traumas and develop secure attachment relationships with their children and partners. Eli has three children, one husband, two cats, and an extraordinary number of plants! Resources & Links: Kate’s book “The D Word Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Private Coaching with Kate Eli on Instagram Eli’s website Eli’s book, Securely Attached TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: PRIMIS BANK Get started navigating your new financial picture with Primis Bank. For terms and conditions, visit primisbank.com/dsg. DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, we are talking about reinventing oneself on the other side of divorce. Jenny Eversole founded Stylespace.com, an online professional styling service that elevates your style with expert stylists. She joins me to discuss discovering your identity through style and aligning it with who you are now. Jenny guides us through the process of defining our unique style identities. From curating our closets to accentuating our body types, Jenny’s wisdom reminds us that style is not just about clothing—it’s a powerful tool for self-discovery and confidence. Featured topics: How you can become grounded in who you are by discovering your identity through style (9:11) How to define your style that showcases your identity, goals, personality, and values (11:09) Editing your closet to let go and move on and create space for new opportunities (14:53) Style is for everyone and every body type (16:47) How to dress to accentuate your specific body type (32:31) Learn more about Jenny Eversole: Jenny Eversole is the founder of Stylespace.com an online professional styling service to elevate your style with expert stylists. After nearly a decade running her couture fashion label, she learned how personal style impacts every area of life from one’s confidence, productivity, happiness and overall success. Jenny founded Style Space for anyONE and anyBODY to look, feel, and BE their best through personal style. Jenny is a divorce survivor and is 9 years very happily remarried with 3 kids. Resources & Links: Kate’s book “The D Word Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective StyleSpace: You can download a free guide to get started on your style at StyleSpace.com. Click the “Discover my dream style” link at the top. Jenny on LinkedIn Jenny on Instagram TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: PRIMIS BANK Get started navigating your new financial picture with Primis Bank. For terms and conditions, visit primisbank.com/dsg. DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Most narratives around narcissism in relationships center on individuals with narcissistic personalities. My guest this week, Dr. Ramani, shifts the focus to the survivors, giving them a voice and discussing the emotional turmoil and psychological impact of being in a relationship with a narcissistic individual. Through Dr. Ramani’s latest book, “It’s Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People,” she offers invaluable insights into navigating the aftermath of narcissistic relationships, empowering survivors to reclaim their sense of self and find a path forward. Her extensive research and clinical experience offer practical guidance for individuals navigating a divorce or contemplating leaving a narcissistic relationship, providing a beacon of hope and understanding in the journey toward healing. Featured topics: Narcissism is a personality style. It is a series of traits. (8:04) Why is it hard for people in a relationship with a narcissist to understand what’s actually happening? (14:43) What’s happening to us when we are gaslit and in a fog of confusion from narcissistic abuse? (18:37) What radical acceptance is and how it can help you build a path forward toward healing (35:06) How Dr. Ramani helps people get to a place of radical acceptance (44:07) Learn more about Dr Ramani: Dr. Ramani Durvasula is a licensed clinical psychologist in Los Angeles, CA, Professor Emerita of Psychology at California State University, Los Angeles, and the Founder and CEO of LUNA Education, Training & Consulting, a company focused on educating individuals, clinicians and businesses/institutions on the impact of narcissistic personality styles. Her academic research was focused on the impact of personality and personality disorders on health and behavior. She is an author of multiple books including Should I Stay or Should I Go: Surviving A Relationship with a Narcissist, and “Don’t You Know Who I Am?”: How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility and her newest book, It’s Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People will be released in February, 2024 (Penguin Life). Dr. Durvasula is a faculty member for the APA Leadership Institute for Women in Psychology, and a consulting editor for the journal Behavioral Medicine. She has spoken widely on the impact of narcissism on mental health, relationships and the workplace. She also operates a popular YouTube channel and podcast (Navigating Narcissism). Dr. Durvasula is also working with PESI on the development of an educational and certification program for clinicians working with clients experiencing the fallout of narcissistic relationships. Resources & Links: Kate’s book “The D Word Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Dr. Ramani’s website Dr. Ramani on Instagram Dr. Ramani on TikTok Dr. Ramani on YouTube Get Your Curated Podcast Playlist! Answer four easy questions and you’ll get a curated list of podcast episodes to best support you as you navigate these tricky waters. I’ll also help you identify where you currently stand on this journey, and what’s ahead, with resources to help you move through this process with knowledge and grace. GET IT HERE DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week’s episode explores the research behind narcissism and how it should inform the way victims should approach negotiation with them. My guest is none other than Rebecca Zung, a top 1 percent attorney in the nation and a globally recognized expert in narcissism negotiation. With two incredible books under her belt, including her new book “Slay the Bully: How to Negotiate with a Narcissist and Win,” and the acclaimed “Negotiate Like You Matter: The Surefire Way to Set Up and Win,” Rebecca’s insights are both profound and practical. This episode is packed with invaluable advice and strategies to empower you in dealing with narcissistic personalities. Tune in and prepare to SLAY the bully and negotiate like you matter! Featured topics: Rebecca talks about communication principles and strategies found in her book SLAY the Bully (3:05) We discuss how high-conflict personalities are formed, particularly with a focus on what the research has to say (7:28) You cannot communicate with a narcissistic person like you can a rational or reasonable person (14:35) What causes the trauma bond between a person and a narcissistic partner (17:45) How to approach a narcissist or high-conflict person when a trauma bond exists and the SLAY acronym: Strategy, Leverage, Anticipate, and You (24:59) A reminder to never JADE: Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain (28:00) Learn more about Rebecca Zung: Rebecca Zung is one of the Top 1% of attorneys in the nation, having been recognized by U.S. News as one of the Best Lawyers in America. She’s also a globally recognized Narcissism Negotiation Expert (more than 40 MILLION VIEWS on YouTube in 3 years) and the creator of the SLAY® negotiation method. She is the author of TWO bestselling books, Negotiate Like You M.A.T.T.E.R.: The Sure Fire Method to Step Up and Win (foreword by Robert Shapiro) and Breaking Free: A Step-by-Step Divorce Guide for Achieving Emotional, Physical, and Spiritual Freedom. Rebecca’s perspectives are in high demand by television and print outlets, as she has been featured in or on Extra, Forbes, Huffington Post, Newsweek, Time, Dr. Drew, Ed Mylett’s Podcast among others. Rebecca’s podcast, Negotiate Your Best Life is ranked in the top .5% of all podcasts globally. She, along with In-N-Out Burger owner, Lynsi Snyder Ellingson, is also the founder of a 501c3, Slay Legal Aid, which provides legal aid to those in need. Resources & Links: Kate’s book “The D Word Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Rebecca’s website Rebecca’s book Rebecca on Instagram Get Your Curated Podcast Playlist! Answer four easy questions and you’ll get a curated list of podcast episodes to best support you as you navigate these tricky waters. I’ll also help you identify where you currently stand on this journey, and what’s ahead, with resources to help you move through this process with knowledge and grace. GET IT HERE DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, I welcome Laurie James back to the show as we delve into somatic therapy, exploring its effectiveness in healing and discovering techniques to soothe the nervous system. Whether you’re navigating the complexities of contemplating divorce or actively undergoing the process, you’re bound to encounter a myriad of emotions. Join us as we uncover various methods and resources for healing and self-care. Laurie James is a mother, caregiver, divorcée, turned author, somatic relationship coach, and podcaster. She loves coaching midlife and beyond women looking to date and relationship differently. She helps her clients connect to their bodies and nervous systems to work through their unresolved past and find more freedom and love in all their relationships. Featured topics: Understanding Somatic Experience: What it is and exploring the benefits of this therapeutic methodology (3:22) Somatic healing in action: Laurie provides some examples of how this modality might be used in coaching or therapy (10:46) We explore alternate ways to soothe the nervous system (24:54) Learn more about Laurie James: Laurie James is a mother, caregiver, divorcée, turned author, somatic relationship coach, and podcaster. Laurie’s book, Sandwiched: A Memoir of Holding On and Letting Go is about her journey from loneliness to finding belonging during a time when she was raising four teenage daughters, her mother had a heart attack, and her marriage began to crumble. Laurie loves coaching women in midlife and beyond looking to date and relationship differently. She helps her clients connect to their bodies and nervous system so they can work through their unresolved past and find more freedom and love in all their relationships. When she is not hosting her podcast, “Confessions of a Freebird”, working w/ clients, she can be found nurturing her free spirit by walking her dog, skiing, sailing, hiking, spending time with close friends, volunteering or planning her next adventure. Resources & Links: Kate’s book “The D Word Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Laurie’s website Laurie on Instagram Laurie’s free Beginner’s Guide to Somatic Healing Episode 131: Sandwiched: Holding on and Letting Go with Laurie James TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: PRIMIS BANK Get started navigating your new financial picture with Primis Bank. For terms and conditions, visit primisbank.com/dsg. DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Join me this week for an enlightening discussion with Priscilla Gilman, acclaimed author of the upcoming paperback release of her critically acclaimed memoir, The Critic's Daughter. Priscilla, a former professor of English literature at Yale and Vassar, brings a wealth of insight as we explore the intricacies of co-parenting and divorce. Beyond her literary achievements, Priscilla is one of my oldest friends, which adds a personal touch to our conversation.  The Critic's Daughter becomes a guide on what not to do when faced with the complexities of divorce, providing a personal and poignant account of Priscilla’s experiences. It's a rare opportunity to glimpse into my childhood, too, and witness the powerful narrative of Priscilla's parents' divorce – a tale of resilience, hardship, and the mistakes made during an era when people simply didn’t know how to get divorced without deeply affecting their children. Learn more about Priscilla Gilman: Priscilla Gilman is a former professor of English literature at both Yale University and Vassar College and the author of The Anti-Romantic Child: A Story of Unexpected Joy (Harper), and The Critic's Daughter (Norton). The Anti-Romantic Child was excerpted in Newsweek magazine and featured on the cover of its international edition. It received starred reviews in Publishers Weekly and Booklist, was an NPR Morning Edition Must-Read, Slate‘s Book of the Week, one of the year’s Best Books for the Leonard Lopate Show and The Chicago Tribune, and one of five nominees for a Books for a Better Life Award for Best First Book. Andrew Solomon called it “rapturously beautiful and deeply moving, profound, and marvelous.” Gilman’s second book, The Critic’s Daughter, was published by W.W. Norton in February 2023 (paperback February 2024); a memoir about her relationship with her brilliant and complicated father, the late drama and literary critic Richard Gilman, it is set in the heyday of intellectual culture in New York of the 1970s and 80s. The Critic's Daughter received starred reviews in Kirkus and Booklist; Nick Hornby called it “Beautiful: honest, raw, careful, soulful, brave and incredibly readable.” It was a Washington Post Best Book of 2023, a New York Times Book Critics' Favorite Book of 2023, one of the Los Angeles Times' book critic and Book Maven Bethanne Patrick's Top 10 Non-Fiction Books of 2023, one of the "18 Books Lilith magazine Loved in 2023," and 3rd on Bookreporter's Harvey Freedenburg's Favorite Books of 2023. Since 2011, Gilman has taught literature and writing in countless settings. She was the parenting/education advice columnist for #1 New York Times bestselling author Susan Cain’s Quiet Revolution website. She speaks frequently at schools, conferences, and organizations about parenting, education, autism, and the arts. In 2018, she became a certified Mindfulness and Loving-Kindness meditation teacher. Resources & Links: Kate’s book “The D Word Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Priscilla’s websiteThe Critic’s DaughterPriscilla on InstagramPriscilla on Facebook Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-251-reflections-on-the-critics-daughter-with-priscilla-gilman/ TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: PRIMIS BANKGet started navigating your new financial picture with Primis Bank. For terms and conditions, visit primisbank.com/dsg. DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Beverly Price of Her Empowered Divorce joins me to share invaluable insights on preparing for divorce beyond the standard paperwork and financial considerations. Our conversation covers a range of featured topics and divorce dilemmas, including identifying domestic abuse, educating yourself about divorce, privacy concerns, and effective communication in court.  Join us for this enlightening conversation beyond the conventional aspects of divorce preparation. Beverly Price brings a unique perspective that will empower you to navigate this significant life transition with confidence and awareness. Featured topics: Why ascertaining whether or not you’ve been a victim of domestic abuse is one of the first things you should do when preparing for divorce (9:28) How to identify whether or not you are being abused - it’s not just being hit or getting a broken bone (11:09) How and what to communicate in court to be heard, plus communicating without emotion (16:47) Getting an education about divorce is critical, but make sure you are getting information from the right places (and do information gathering before you hire an attorney) (27:56) Privacy and ensuring the right people have access to confidential or sensitive information (41:28) The preparation and planning that should go into having the “I want a divorce” conversation with a spouse (47:43) Learn more about Beverly Price: Beverly Price, of Her Empowered Divorce, has helped thousands of women with her 30+ years’ divorce coaching experience by providing knowledge, support, and insight to empower those going through the divorce process before, during and after. Her one-on-one coaching process includes extensive preparation, legal and financial education, emotional management, communication and negotiation skills, empowerment and support. She herself has a personal history with co-parenting, domestic violence, multiple divorces, being a single working mother and more. Beverly is also the host of the Her Empowered Divorce Podcast with industry leading guests who bring the latest information and guidance to help those going through divorce. She herself has a personal history with co-parenting, domestic violence, multiple divorces, being a single working mother and more Beverly is also the creator of the Divorce Coalition, who along with founders, Susan Guthrie and Kate Anthony, have formed a group of top podcast hosts, bloggers, and divorce professionals who are dedicated to bringing understanding, healing, and resilience to the forefront, ending the cycle of abuse one survivor at a time. She hosts “Divorce Coalition Live” radio and tv show where she interviews top divorce and domestic violence professionals to bring education and awareness to victims, survivors and the general public. Resources & Links: Kate’s book “The D Word Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Beverly’s websiteBeverly on InstagramDivorce CoalitionDomestic Violence Hotline DomesticShelters.org Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-250-divorce-preparation-beyond-the-paperwork-with-beverly-price/ TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: PRIMIS BANKGet started navigating your new financial picture with Primis Bank. For terms and conditions, visit primisbank.com/dsg. DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lesa Koski, a seasoned attorney turned mediator, joins me in this week's podcast episode. We delve into the seven common dilemmas women often encounter during divorce. Gain valuable insights and practical advice on overcoming these challenges, arming yourself with knowledge for the journey ahead.  Lesa is an accomplished attorney turned mediator with a passion for empowering individuals through the often turbulent waters of divorce. She has spent years helping individuals find amicable solutions, emphasizing communication, collaboration, and empowerment throughout the divorce process. She has helped hundreds of divorce mediation clients create a peaceful agreement that works for them and that they’re proud of, without all the stress, fear, time, and money involved with fighting it out in court.  Tune in to discover solutions, engage in crucial conversations, and empower yourself. Featured topics and divorce dilemmas discussed include: Understanding finances and financial obligations (10:00) Exploring fear around parenting and co-parenting during and after divorce (12:26) The emotional impact of divorce (19:02) Overcoming the social stigma of divorce and addressing the question, “How do we tell our parents about our divorce?” (28:49) Divorce doesn’t necessarily mean you are divorcing your in-laws (unless that’s what you desire). (30:35) Understanding and navigating the legal complexities of divorce, including child support, spousal maintenance, and the types of divorce options available (collaborative, mediation, etc.) (32:54) Division of marital assets, including the marital home (40:57) Overcoming loneliness and isolation (44:00) Learn more about Lesa Koski: Lesa Koski is an accomplished attorney turned mediator with a passion for empowering individuals through the often turbulent waters of divorce. Lesa has spent years helping individuals find amicable solutions, emphasizing communication, collaboration, and empowerment throughout the divorce process. She has helped hundreds of divorce mediation clients create a peaceful agreement that works for them and that they’re proud of, without all the stress, fear, time and money involved with fighting it out in court. Lesa’s legal background allows her to share legal information which assists in drafting a plan that works for them and holds up in Court. Her background combined with her recent certification as a Self-Made U life Coach brings a unique perspective to the table. Today, she'll be unraveling what she calls the "7 Dilemmas of Divorce" - those critical challenges that women commonly face when navigating the legal and emotional terrain of separation. Resources & Links: Kate’s book “The D WordPhoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment CollectiveVisit Lesa’s website to download free resource: The Ultimate Guide to a Successful SplitConnect with LesaTake or Leave the House? With Tami Wollensak Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-249-the-seven-divorce-dilemmas-with-lesa-koski/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

T.H. Irwin and Jessica Klingbaum, co-founders of the online platform exEXPERTS, return to the podcast this week to talk about divorced mom moments. When going through a divorce, the primary emphasis is often on the emotional and mental preparation and the legal requirements to navigate through the process. However, there's an unforeseen facet to the experience, including unexpected yet significant moments of being a divorced parent. In this episode, T.H., Jessica, and I discuss some of the less anticipated aspects of divorce that demand resilience and adaptability - like maintaining a home, asking for help, and middle-of-the-night emergencies. Featured topics include: In case of emergency: how to anticipate and prepare for critical moments (5:07) Enhance your home management skills with practical tips for maintenance and handling unexpected emergencies. (16:08) Helping your kids through divorce as a co-parent (20:22) Embrace the reality that being an engaged parent, rather than a supermom, makes a lasting impact on your kids. Even the smallest gestures matter. (31:37) Recognize the importance of asking for help when needed (42:44) Learn more about T.H. Irwin and Jessica Klingbaum: T.H. Irwin and Jessica Klingbaum (kling-bomb) are the co-founders of the online platform, exEXPERTS. They're best friends who got divorced at the same time 14 years ago, but had TOTALLY different divorce experiences. They realized back then that they didn't have the right resources to understand all the options and the different choices they needed to make, but they did have each other. So they used their own divorce experiences to create a place online where anyone can go for any phase of divorce, to answer all the questions and to feel educated about the process and everything that goes into it. As they like to say, they've lived it, so they get it! Resources & Links: Kate’s book “The D Word The exEXPERTS  The exEXPERTS on Instagram The exEXPERTS on TikTok The exEXPERTS on FacebookThe Most Important Things You Need In Your Home After Divorce (Season 2, Episode 10 of Divorce, Etc.) Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-248-divorced-mom-moments-with-the-exexperts-t-h-irwin-amp-jessica-klingbaum/   TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM  An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go?  DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you familiar with the term intergenerational trauma? My guest, Dr. Mariel Buqué, explains intergenerational trauma as “shadows of emotional pain that has plagued families for generations.” Whether intergenerational trauma is a new term to you or something you’ve long been interested in shedding, this week’s episode brings to light the complexities of this trauma and explores how to heal from it. Dr. Mariel Buqué is a Columbia University-trained Psychologist, intergenerational trauma expert, and the author of the book Break the Cycle: a book that focuses on healing wounds of intergenerational trauma. Her holistic clinical framework infuses ancient and indigenous healing practices into a modern, comprehensive therapeutic approach. Get ready for an enlightening discussion as we unravel the intricacies of intergenerational trauma with the exceptional Dr. Mariel Buqué. Featured topics include: What is Intergenerational trauma? Is it really a part of our DNA? (8:27) Recognizing triggers, naming them, and having the fortitude to change the behavioral pattern is valuable, but it can take many years of therapy to get to this point (10:25) How our family trauma contributes to our intimate relationship dynamics (26:48) Breaking the cycle of trauma in our lives to develop healthier relationships (34:58) Learn more about Dr. Mariel Buqué: Dr. Mariel Buqué is a Columbia University-trained Psychologist, intergenerational trauma expert, and the author of the book Break the Cycle: a book that focuses on healing wounds of intergenerational trauma. Her clinical framework is holistic and infuses ancient and indigenous healing practices into a modern, comprehensive therapeutic approach. She additionally provides healing workshops to Fortune 100 companies including Google, Twitter, Capital One, and Facebook and lectures within the psychology department of Columbia University. Dr. Buqué is widely sought out for her clinical expertise and trauma healing approach and has been featured on major media outlets including The Today Show, Good Morning America, and ABC News. Resources & Links: Kate’s book “The D Word” Dr. Mariel’s bookDr. Mariel on Instagram Dr. Mariel on TikTok Dr. Mariel on YouTube Dr. Mariel on Facebook Show link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-247-break-the-cycle-of-intergenerational-trauma-with-dr-mariel-buque/   TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM  An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go?  DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week’s episode focuses on the impact of significant life transitions on relationships and mental health, emphasizing the need for open communication and understanding. Alessandra Torresani is my special-guest. She is a multi-hyphenate actress, host, creator, and mental health advocate. In this episode, Alessandra's candidness extends to societal stigmas, the fear of judgment, and the importance of recognizing mental health challenges in both men and women. By sharing her journey with Bipolar 1 Disorder, Alessandra aims to break down barriers and encourage others to seek help, fostering a community of support and understanding. Tune in for a conversation about postpartum struggles, mental health challenges, and navigating parenthood with vulnerability and strength. Featured topics include: Alessandra discusses the physical, emotional, and identity changes of being a new mom. (4:36) The impact of significant life transitions, such as becoming a parent, on marriages (5:33) We explore the question, “Why does stating you want a divorce seem like such a surprise to a partner?” (17:00) What to know when it comes to creating a parenting plan as a new mom (18:55) Alessandra shares her experience living with Bipolar 1 Disorder and navigating motherhood and marriage while not being medicated (24:26) Mental health and relationships: Some advice for those in relationships where someone has a mental illness and is not doing anything about it (40:09) Learn more about Alessandra Torresani: Alessandra is a multi-hyphenate actress, host, creator, and mental health advocate. She is dedicated to de-stigmatizing mental health by spreading kindness, compassion and hope. She brings tons of fun and laughter to her mission with sharing her story about living with BiPolar 1 Disorder on her podcast EmotionAL Support. Resources & Links: Pre-order Kate’s book “The D Word” EmotionAL Support Pod Alessandra on Instagram Show Link: http://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-246-mental-health-relationships-and-lifes-transitions-with-alessandra-torresani/   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you know what your relationship style is? In this enlightening podcast episode, we delve into the fascinating world of relationship styles with Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley, Associate Professor of Counseling at Liberty University and author of "The Mister Rogers Effect" and "The Four Relationship Styles: How Attachment Theory Can Help You in Your Search for Lasting Love" (releasing January 2024). Dr. Kuhnley, drawing from her extensive experience, shares valuable insights on identifying and understanding your relationship style, navigating relationships, and exploring the strengths and challenges inherent in each style.  This episode uncovers the profound impact of our relationship styles on our emotional well-being and teaches us to embrace the strengths within each style for a more thriving and fulfilling life. Featured topics include: What are relationship styles? (2:46) How and where to find out what your relationship is (7:19) The attributes of the four relationship styles: security guard, networker, firefighter, and investigator (10:00) As we become more self-aware, we can change the relationship style we have (21:44) “The way we do relationships is the way we do emotion.” (33:10) Every relationship style has tremendous strengths; embracing them can help us thrive. (39:02) Learn more about Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley: Anita is an author, esteemed scholar, expert counselor, and speaker. She is passionately committed to her mission of sharing simple psychological techniques that empower counselors and individuals to improve their own lives and make a positive impact on others. She has authored or co-authored nine books, including the acclaimed “The Mister Rogers Effect” (2020), which unpacks the incredible influence of Fred Rogers through a psychological lens. In her upcoming book, “The Four Relationship Styles: How Attachment Theory Can Help in Your Search for Lasting Love” (January 2024), she integrates classic attachment theory to provide readers with valuable insights into understanding both themselves and those with whom they aspire to build meaningful relationships. She resides in Florida. Resources & Links: Pre-order Kate’s book “The D Word” Anita’s website Pre-order Anita’s book “The Four Relationship Styles.” Anita on Instagram Show link: http://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-245-the-four-relationship-styles-with-dr-anita-knight-kuhnley/   Get Your Curated Podcast Playlist! Answer four easy questions and you’ll get a curated list of podcast episodes to best support you as you navigate these tricky waters. I’ll also help you identify where you currently stand on this journey, and what’s ahead, with resources to help you move through this process with knowledge and grace. GET IT HERE DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week's episode revisits a fan-favorite conversation about coercive control with the incredible Dr. Christine Coccihola. We explore how coercive control serves as the bedrock for a majority of domestic abuse cases, often manifesting in non-physical forms, and discuss the insidious nature of control, including its impact and how to get help if you are a victim.  Whether you're revisiting this powerful episode or hearing it for the first time, Dr. Cocchiola’s insights are invaluable in navigating the complexities of relationships. Listen to hear (or re-hear) this conversation about coercive control.   Featured topics include: What is coercive control?  The global impact of high-profile cases that revolve around coercive control  DARVO: an acronym used to describe a common strategy of abusers  How coercive controllers gain and retain control How to avoid coercive control and other abusive situations Learn more about Dr. Christine Cocchiola: Dr. Christine Marie Cocchiola, DSW, LCSW is a Coercive Control Advocate, Educator, Researcher & Survivor. Coercive Control, the foundation of most domestic abuse, is often non-physical with offenders using “power over” to abuse their victims psychologically, legally, financially, and sexually and where children are involved, use of the children as pawns. She is a college professor teaching social work at CT Community College for the last 20 years and also an adjunct instructor at NYU. Her expertise is in the areas of intimate partner violence, trauma, and child abuse, developing and presenting workshops on these topics both nationally and internationally. Christine, a Board Member of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, has supported policy codifying coercive control and has a small private practice, primarily serving victims and survivors of coercive control. She is the creator of the Protective Parenting Program, supporting protective mothers on their journey of healing their children.  Resources & Links: Pre-order Kate’s book “The D Word” and Grab Your Bonuses! Dr. Cocchiola’s websiteDr. Cocchiola on InstagramDr. Cocchiola on FacebookDr. Cocchiola on TwitterDr. Cocchiola on LinkedInInstagram Live with Dr. Christine about Depp v HeardWhat Happens After You Leave Your Abusive Marriage? with Leanne Oaten Episode Link: http://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-244-coercive-control-with-dr-christine-cocchiola/ TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINKProof. Protection. Peace of Mind. The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system comprises a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines: Court admissibility in all 50 states Facial recognition Tamper detection Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™ Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases. DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Nicole Sodoma joins me on the podcast this week! Nicole is a marriage-loving divorce attorney, founder of Sodoma Law, and author of "Please Don't Say You're Sorry." In this episode, Nicole shares empowering advice from her book, offering a unique perspective on gracefully navigating the challenges of divorce.  Discover the thought-provoking concepts and questions that will compel you to lift your head out of the sand, look closely at your relationships, and help guide you as you take the steps toward divorce. Our conversation covers essential topics such as preparation for divorce, understanding the work required for a successful and happy future, and the actions and steps one should take when considering divorce or separation. Tune in to gain a fresh perspective on the complexities of love and separation and learn how humor and introspection can guide you toward a brighter, more informed journey. Featured topics include: What would your partner say is the reason you want a divorce? Uncover the importance of open communication about the motivations behind this life-altering decision. (8:00) Nicole reveals why the safest place to disclose your deepest secrets is with your attorney. Plus, she offers communication tips for interacting effectively with them. (8:32) We discuss thought-provoking concepts and questions designed to help you confront the realities of your relationship. (27:53) Prepare for the unexpected: Contemplate a scenario where your spouse asks for a divorce. Are you prepared? Nicole helps us think further about the mental and emotional preparations needed to navigate this challenging situation. (33:13) Learn more about Nicole Sodoma: As a marriage-loving divorce attorney of 25 years, Nicole Sodoma has pioneered a way through the often- dreaded field of family law with integrity, compassion, and tenacity. Over the years, Nicole has risen to prominence as a national authority on divorce, custody, and co-parenting. However, Nicole never expected to go through a divorce herself. Through her professional and personal learnings, Nicole authored her first book, PLEASE DON’T SAY YOU’RE SORRY in 2022. The book is a witty, honest, and wildly relatable account of the stripped-down realities of marriage, separation, and divorce. While there’s no denying that divorce sucks, PLEASE DON’T SAY YOUR’E SORRY serves as a reminder that although the journey can be wholly overwhelming and emotionally exhausting - it also doesn’t have to be the worst thing that’s ever happened to you. Nicole's new PLEASE DON’T SAY YOU’RE SORRY Workbook is the perfect companion to the book or audiobook, featuring thought-provoking questions, inspirational quotes and must-have relationship worksheets, perfect for anyone navigating marriage, separation or divorce. Resources & Links: Pre-order Kate’s book “The D Word” Nicole’s websitePlease Don’t Say You’re Sorry Book and Workbook Nicole on LinkedIn Nicole on Instagram Nicole on Facebook Episode Link: http://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-243-preparing-for-divorce-with-nicole-sodoma/ TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM  An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go?  DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I have another solo episode for you this week and maybe a new series. Who knows. As we head into the holiday season, I’m diving into three essential topics—not putting your kids in the middle, creating new holiday traditions, and the concept of “the shifting of primary.”  Tune in to hear me explore the challenges of co-parenting during the holidays and how to avoid inadvertently putting your children in the middle. I also offer a different perspective on establishing traditions after divorce. I provide a creative (and inclusive) approach to deciding new traditions, making the process enjoyable for everyone, especially your kids. Finally, I share insights on the "shifting of primary" concept and how intentional space creation for new relationships is crucial.  This episode helps you navigate these aspects of divorce and co-parenting during the holidays and beyond.  Resources & Links: Pre-order Kate’s book “The D Word” and Grab Your Bonuses!Private Coaching with Kate Grit & GraceKate's Facebook Group Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-242-kate-unfiltered-important-topics-random-thoughts/   Get Your Curated Podcast Playlist! Answer four easy questions and you’ll get a curated list of podcast episodes to best support you as you navigate these tricky waters. I’ll also help you identify where you currently stand on this journey, and what’s ahead, with resources to help you move through this process with knowledge and grace. GET IT HERE DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

November is Family Court Awareness Month. My friend and colleague, Tina Swithin, has dedicated the month of November to educating people about the family court system: how corrupt it can be, how unfair it is, and how uneducated most people in the family law system are about domestic violence. Tina was a guest on my podcast a few years back to share the truths about the family court system. If you fear you may end up in the family court system, you must listen to this episode. It will help you understand what family court is designed to do and enable you to prepare yourself to battle within the court system, which is not designed to protect you.  Listen to hear (or re-hear) this incredible conversation about family court awareness.    Featured topics include: Family Court Awareness Month is an opportunity for survivors to raise awareness at a community level.  The family court system is abusive. How we can come together to increase awareness.  The disconnect between family court and other judicial systems. There is no regulation or checks and balances. Very few states have required trauma-informed or domestic violence training for family court judges.  We examine how judges become appointed family law judges.  What you can expect when advocating for yourself in the family court system.  Learn more about Tina Swithin: Tina Swithin survived a “Category Five Divorce Hurricane” while acting as her own attorney in a high-conflict custody battle that turned her family’s life upside down for over a decade. Known for her internationally recognized blog, “One Mom’s Battle” and her book series, “Divorcing a Narcissist,” Tina helps survivors to navigate the family court system against narcissists and other toxic individuals. In 2020, Tina launched two major projects: The High Conflict Divorce Coach Certification Program and a nationwide campaign, Family Court Awareness Month.   The mission at Family Court Awareness Month is to raise awareness and shine a spotlight on one of the most important branches of our judicial system; the family court system. The very system that was established to govern family law cases and make decisions that are “in the best interest” of children, has some undeniable shortcomings that warrant conversations, solutions and ultimately, change.   The mission at Family Court Awareness Month is fueled by the desire for a family court system that is trauma-informed and educated on domestic violence, coercive control and post separation abuse. To truly act in the best interest of children, our family court system needs to incorporate empirical data and research into their decisions and rulings.  Resources & Links: Links and information may also be found at: kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-241-family-court-awareness-month-with-tina-swithin/ Pre-order Kate’s book “The D Word” and Grab Your Bonuses!Domestic Violence Training: Bridging the Gap in Divorce Law with Kate Anthony on The Divorce and Beyond Podcast #318 Family Court AwarenessOne Mom’s BattleTina on FacebookTina on InstagramTina on LinkedIn TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINKProof. Protection. Peace of Mind. The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system comprises a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines: Court admissibility in all 50 states Facial recognition Tamper detection Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™ Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases. DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Solo episode alert! This is more than any regular solo episode, though, because today I’m super excited to share a chapter from my upcoming book, The D Word: Making the Ultimate Decision About Your Marriage. The book comes out on December 26th, but in this episode, you’re getting a sneak peek as I read Chapter 3, “Why Are Women so Unhappy in Their Marriages? How Marriage Exhausts Women and Benefits Men.”   This chapter explores how systemic issues and inequalities play a significant role in marriage. The unequal distribution of responsibilities, including domestic labor, emotional labor, and the "mental load," places a substantial burden on women within these partnerships. No wonder women are exhausted! Also, in this chapter (and episode), I explore one of my favorite topics, Not Your Fucking Job™. For example, it is not your fucking job to tell a grown-ass human being that the laundry needs to be done or that dinner needs to be made, or that the kids need a bath, or that you're out of toothpaste.  I hope you enjoy this special episode and Chapter Three of The D Word: Making the Ultimate Decision About Your Marriage. There’s so much information that I am passionate about and want you to have, and I’ve tried to cover it all in this book. The D Word is dedicated to my son, but it is also dedicated to women everywhere. It's dedicated to you because you, my love, deserve to be happy.  Resources & Links: Pre-order Kate’s book “The D Word” Information and resources may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-240-introducing-the-d-word-making-the-ultimate-decision-about-your-marriage/   DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today, we are tackling the daunting barriers that often prevent people from taking the first steps in the divorce process. Heather MacKenzie, President and Chief Content Officer of Hello Divorce joins me for a conversation about the complexities of divorce, including the paperwork, timelines, and policies that vary from state to state. This episode equips you with the knowledge and courage to embrace divorce as an opportunity for personal growth, preparing you to emerge from the process lighter and ready to start a new, fulfilling chapter in your life.  Featured topics include: Navigating divorce paperwork, timelines, and legal protocols in divorce (5:51) Commonalities and roadblocks in divorce procedures across states (6:15) When skipping financial disclosures becomes a consideration (7:14) The empowering role of a certified divorce financial analyst (CDFA) in your divorce journey (11:38) Busting the myth: lawyers and their expertise in financial matters (16:15) Embracing the duration: recognizing that divorce is a journey, not a sprint (20:42) Transitioning from an entitlement mindset to clarity about personal desires (22:37) Serving your spouse with a divorce petition (25:46) Leveraging the marital settlement agreement as a valuable resolution tool (35:01) Learn more about Heather MacKenzie: Heather joined Hello Divorce two months into a planned year-long vacation from the start-up world because she was convinced that the legal world is one of the only things left that truly needed disrupting. Since her expertise (obsession) is making complex, frustrating processes easier – and even enjoyable – for consumers, Heather has taken the lead of the product, customer service, marketing, and content teams to not only cover every touch point consumers have with the company but to create true economies of scale. At Hello Divorce, Heather relentlessly pursues the goal of gaining and keeping consumer trust. In her first year alone, she led the complete digital transformation of the site, implemented scale through technology and systems across teams, added new products and services that extended the company’s reach, and transformed the approach of not only the legal product but the huge amount of consumer content Hello Divorce provides to users. Heather holds a B.A. in History and American Studies from the University of Notre Dame and a M.S. in Digital Media from Northwestern University. In 2017, she was chosen to be a member of the prestigious Council of 100 for executive leadership at Northwestern, where she helps with the philanthropy of the school through mentorship and growth for future women leaders.  Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-239-overcoming-barriers-to-divorce-with-heather-mackenzie-of-hello-divorce/ Pre-order Kate’s book “The D Word” Hello DivorceHello Divorce on Instagram Listeners, get $25 off software to generate a Marital Settlement Agreement (regular cost $100) - Use code SURVIVE25 when checking out.  Get Your Curated Podcast Playlist! Answer four easy questions and you’ll get a curated list of podcast episodes to best support you as you navigate these tricky waters. I’ll also help you identify where you currently stand on this journey, and what’s ahead, with resources to help you move through this process with knowledge and grace. GET IT HERE DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today, we delve into the world of Point C Divorce. For well-intentioned parents caught in the complexities of family conflicts, Larry and Joni have devised Point C Divorce as a solution. Their goal is clear: to minimize the effects of fiercely contested divorce battles on children, placing kids at the heart of every divorce. Following his tenure on the Superior Court bench in New Jersey, Larry transitioned from public service to academia. He now teaches at two universities and actively participates in mediation and alternative dispute resolution. Joni holds board certification in psychiatric and mental health nursing and is a certified expert in anger management.  Featured topics include: Larry and Joni provide the origins and principles behind Point C Divorce. (3:44) How to protect your children when one spouse manipulates the legal system during divorce and continues to abuse you and your children. (8:18) The concept of heartfelt forgiveness and how it differs from conventional forgiveness. (16:19) Drawing from his extensive experience as a family court judge, Larry shares that children overwhelmingly desire two critical things during their parents’ divorce. (19:33) The long-lasting impacts on children placed in the middle of a contentious divorce. (29:04) We explore the complexities of co-parenting, one of the most intricate relationships one can experience. (40:20) Learn more about Larry and Joni Jones: Larry and Joni are a caring and dynamic couple who have dedicated their lives and professional outreach to helping families navigate the oft-times difficult journey through mental health issues, special needs and family law. After serving on the Superior Court bench in New Jersey, Larry retired from public service, began teaching at two Universities, and became significantly involved in mediation and alternative dispute resolution. Joni is board certified in psychiatric and mental health nursing, and is a certified anger management specialist. She is also a mediator as well. Larry and Joni actively advocate on a variety of issues including, autism and special needs, co-parenting, cultural competency, domestic violence/ IPV issues, and animal-related legal issues. They have recently relocated to New Mexico and are involved in a multitude of online social education projects. Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-238-point-c-divorce-with-larry-and-joni-jones/ Pre-order Kate’s book “The D Word”Grit and Grace The Divorce Coalition The Divorce Coalition on Instagram Watch the Point C Divorce Video and visit the website Point C Divorce on FacebookPoint C Divorce on Instagram Point C Divorce on YouTube TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINKProof. Protection. Peace of Mind. The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system comprises a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines: Court admissibility in all 50 states Facial recognition Tamper detection Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™ Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases. DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, Patti Handy joins me on the podcast to discuss financial management after divorce and ways to regain financial stability. Patti is a Financial Coach for Women with over 20 years of experience as a Financial Advisor and Mortgage Advisor. Her journey into financial coaching was born out of a passion for teaching and empowering women with money smarts. In this episode, Patti shares practical strategies for paying off debt, the key differences between creating a budget and utilizing a spending tracker, and advice for women navigating the complexities of financing a divorce without accumulating excessive debt. Patti also outlines three essential steps when managing finances post-divorce and guidance on where to begin investing.   Featured topics include: Recommendations for paying off debt (8:12) Creating a budget versus a spending tracker (10:40) Advice for women walking the line between financing divorce and piling on debt (13:13) Three steps divorced women should take when it comes to their money (19:49) When it comes to investing, where should someone start? (26:51) Ideas and inspiration to create your side job to help with finances (39:34) Learn more about Patti Handy: After spending a combined 20 years as a Financial Advisor and Mortgage Advisor, and having countless conversations with women, I decided to pursue my dream of Financial Coaching for Women. I'm a teacher at heart and I love to educate and empower women with money smarts! Understanding that money can be an overwhelming topic for many, I'm audaciously passionate about creating financial confidence when it comes to your well-being. This has been the catalyst to follow my passion of empowering and educating women in their financial journey. I am a Certified Executive Coach, Certified Life Coach, hold a Real Estate Brokers license and published author of four books. Full disclosure, I'm a self-proclaimed chocoholic, I love to read, and the beach is my happy place. Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-237-from-divorce-to-debt-freedom-with-patti-handy/ Pre-order Kate’s book “The D Word” The Divorce Coalition The Divorce Coalition on Instagram Patti’s websitePatti on Facebook Patti on LinkedIn Patti on Instagram TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM  An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go?  DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dr. Alexandra Solomon returns to the podcast this week to discuss her new book, Love Every Day. Part of the book's premise is that love needs to be a daily practice. Dr. Solomon shares her insights and wisdom about how to show up for the relationships in your life.   Dr. Alexandra H. Solomon, Ph.D., is internationally recognized as today's most trusted relationship voice. Her Relational Self-Awareness framework has reached millions of people around the globe. A couples therapist, speaker, author, and professor, Dr. Solomon, hosts the podcast REIMAGINING LOVE and has a new book, LOVE EVERY DAY, on sale this October.  Featured topics include: Why love needs to be a daily practice (5:17) Relational Self-Awareness (RSA) is the key to a healthy relationship (9:31) How to approach relationship and sexual challenges as a team (27:15) How cultural context and identity shape our relationships (36:52) Dr. Solomon answers, “Why is dating so challenging right now?” (47:32) Learn more about Dr. Alexandra Solomon: Dr. Alexandra H. Solomon, Ph.D., is internationally recognized as one of today's most trusted voices in the world of relationships, and her framework of Relational Self-Awareness has reached millions of people around the globe. A couples therapist, speaker, author, and professor, Dr. Solomon is passionate about translating cutting-edge research and clinical wisdom into practical tools people can use to bring awareness, curiosity, and authenticity to their relationships. She is a clinician educator and a frequent contributor to academic journals, and she translates her academic and therapeutic experience to the public through her popular Instagram page, which has garnered over 200K followers. She is on faculty in the School of Education and Social Policy at Northwestern University and is a licensed clinical psychologist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University. Her hit podcast, Reimagining Love, reaches tens of thousands of listeners across the globe each week and features high-profile guests from the worlds of therapy, academia, and pop culture. She is the award-winning author of two books: Taking Sexy Back and Loving Bravely, which was featured on the TODAY show. Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: http://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-236-love-every-day-with-dr-alexandra-solomon/ The Divorce CoalitionThe Divorce Coalition on InstagramDr. Alexandra Solomon’s website Dr. Alexandra Solomon on Instagram Dr. Alexandra Solomon on Facebook Get Your Curated Podcast Playlist! Answer four easy questions and you’ll get a curated list of podcast episodes to best support you as you navigate these tricky waters. I’ll also help you identify where you currently stand on this journey, and what’s ahead, with resources to help you move through this process with knowledge and grace. GET IT HERE DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Wendy Sloane joins me to discuss the importance of slowing down the divorce process. Yes, once we’ve decided to leave and let our decision be known, it’s easy to fall into the “let’s hurry up and get this done” phase. In this conversation, Wendy and I discuss why taking your time, researching, and finding the right lawyer is the best first step forward. This episode is slightly different than most - we cover many important topics and share some of our personal experiences through divorce. Wendy honed her easy and authentic interview style, producing iconic, groundbreaking TV shows, including The Phil Donahue Show and The Geraldo Rivera Show. She covered some of the biggest news stories of our time, including the O.J. Simpson and JonBenet Ramsey murders. She uses that experience as the Host of two popular podcasts, What’s Up with Wendy and Divorce Doesn’t Suck.   Featured topics include: Know your state's divorce laws, do your research, and find the right attorney for your divorce. (4:50) Why rushing through a divorce is one of the biggest mistakes one can make. (11:37) It’s okay to want more than just existing in a marriage. (14:18) Find your people to help support you during your divorce journey, and be strategic about who those people are. (20:01) Use tools and resources to help you block out the noise. (34:52) Some ways to practice self-care and why you shouldn’t feel guilty about it. (36:59) Learn more about Wendy Sloane: Wendy Lowy Sloane honed her easy and authentic interview style, producing iconic, groundbreaking TV shows, including The Phil Donahue Show and The Geraldo Rivera Show. She covered some of the biggest news stories of our time, including the O.J. Simpson and JonBenet Ramsey murders. She uses that experience as the Host of two popular podcasts, What’s Up with Wendy and Divorce Doesn’t Suck. What's Up with Wendy is a talk series that features conversations you want to hear with A-List Celebrities, Newsmakers, Comedians, CEOs, Musicians, and Fitness & Nutrition Experts, including Dennis Quaid, Angela Bassett, Tony Danza, Billy Bob Thornton, Barbara Corcoran, Gabrielle Union, Kristen Chenoweth, JoJo Fletcher, Ayesha Curry, Melissa Etheridge, and Eric Stonestreet—as well as the country’s most popular authors, athletes, psychic mediums, and more. Divorce Doesn’t Suck is a different kind of divorce podcast. Wendy and her guests explore every aspect of divorce, including kids, finances, dating, sex, starting over, and more. They talk about the rich, rewarding, and happy life that’s possible after divorce, and they share their personal stories, their challenges, and their successes. Divorce Doesn’t Suck focuses on new perspectives and how to move forward and focus on the future—how to restart with a new blank canvas. Wendy connects with her guests on a genuine and personal level. Her refreshing and engaging interviews make listeners feel like they’re part of the conversation and keep her guests coming back. Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-235-a-slowed-down-and-strategic-approach-to-divorce-with-wendy-sloane Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Michelle Mays, author of The Betrayal Bind: How to Heal When the Person You Love the Most Has Hurt You the Worst, joins me for an in-depth conversation about healing from betrayal. Michelle is a Licensed Professional Counselor and expert in treating sexual betrayal and trauma. She is also the founder of the Center for Relational Recovery in Northern Virginia, outside of DC. “Divorce is common, and cheating is common. Because they are common, it doesn’t mean they’re not tremendously significant and have enormous ramifications for our mental and physical health,” says Michelle. During our conversation, we discuss the importance of understanding what happened, explore betrayal through the lens of attachment systems, and unravel what happens to us when we experience this enormous injury.   Featured topics include: A new attachment-based model for understanding the impacts of cheating in relationships (8:58) Some of the binds in relationships that we can get stuck in including the shame bind and relational binds (12:01) What gets in the way of leaving when we want or know we need to leave (35:43) Healing and repairing relationships: what it means to stay, and what it takes to repair the fractures betrayal has caused (45:02) The difference between rebuilding emotional connection and rebuilding sexual connection (50:21) Learn more about Michelle Mays: Michelle Mays is a Licensed Professional Counselor and expert in treating sexual betrayal and trauma. She's also the author of the new book The Betrayal Bind: How to Heal When the Person You Love the Most Has Hurt You the Worst. Michelle has created The Braving Hope™ Treatment Model to address the devastating dilemma that betrayed partners face when their significant other is unsafe to connect to, yet connection is the key to healing. Michelle is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Supervisor in Virginia and Washington DC, and a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist and Supervisor. She was trained by Pia Mellody in the Post Induction Therapy model for treating developmental trauma and is currently completing her PhD in Clinical Sexology and certification in Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples. Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-234-healing-from-relationship-betrayal-with-michelle-mays/ Pre-order Kate’s book “The D Word” Michelle’s websiteMichelle’s book, The Betrayal Bind Michelle on FacebookMichelle on InstagramMichelle on YouTube Facing Codependence, Pia Mellody Get Your Curated Podcast Playlist! Answer four easy questions and you’ll get a curated list of podcast episodes to best support you as you navigate these tricky waters. I’ll also help you identify where you currently stand on this journey, and what’s ahead, with resources to help you move through this process with knowledge and grace. GET IT HERE DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dr. Amelia Kelley is back! You may remember her from the popular episode about being a highly sensitive person (HSP), strategies for self-care, and how being an HSP can affect relationships. This time, we are talking about healing from gaslighting. In fact, Dr. Kelley has a new book/workbook called, “Gaslighting Recovery for Women.” She shares some of the book’s insights in this episode.   We talk about how to recover from gaslighting, including the importance of understanding it, and then, later, some steps toward healing. Dr. Kelley’s passion is to equip women who have experienced gaslighting to understand what happened to them, how to protect themselves from potential gaslighting in the future, and how to understand the nuances between medical, relational, societal, and family gaslighting. Featured topics include: Gaslighting: what it is, what it isn’t, and where/how it shows up (8:13) The act of lying is not gaslighting (11:27)  Tactics of gaslighting used by abusers (14:09) The seven stages of gaslighting (21:56) How gaslighting affects women, specifically (36:11) How do you get out of a relationship where gaslighting is occurring? (40:13) Beginning to heal: It is a time to be inquisitive, not a time to blame or shame yourself and enhance your relationship with Self (56:13) Learn more about Dr. Amelia Kelly: Dr. Amelia Kelley is a trauma-informed therapist who has conducted research on the effects of exercise on adult ADHD symptoms as well as the effects of resiliency on PTSD. She is a trained Hypno-therapist, Art therapist, HSP Therapist, EMDR-informed therapist, meditation teacher, as well as a Certified Yoga instructor integrating therapeutic yoga and psychotherapy. She is a trainer, podcaster and writer in the “science-help” field focusing on; women's issues, empowering survivors of abuse and relationship trauma, Highly Sensitive Persons, motivation, healthy living, and adult ADHD.  Dr. Kelley is an adjunct counseling professor at Yorkville University as well as a nationally recognized relationship expert featured on XM Radio’s Doctor Channel on The Psychiatry Show. She is a coach and trainer for SAS’s Work/Life Program in Cary, NC and a resident trainer for the NC Art Therapy Institute. Her private practice is currently part of the Traumatic Stress Research Consortium at the Kinsey Institute. She is a co-author of What I Wish I Knew: Surviving and Thriving After an Abusive Relationship and a contributing author for the Highly Sensitive Refuge. You can find out more about her work at her website www.ameliakelley.com or by following her on Instagram @drameliakelley. Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-233-gaslighting-recovery-for-women-with-dr-amelia-kelley Pre-order Kate’s book “The D Word” Should I Stay or Should I GoGrit and GracePrivate Coaching with KateDr. Kelley’s websiteGaslighting Recovery for WomenDr Kelley’s Insight TimerDr. Kelley on Instagram What My Bones Know, Stephanie FooCoDA TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINKProof. Protection. Peace of Mind. The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system comprises a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines: Court admissibility in all 50 states Facial recognition Tamper detection Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™ Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases. DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Vanessa Bennett returns to the show this week! A highly regarded licensed holistic psychotherapist, clinical entrepreneur, mental health content creator, and the author of the best-selling relationship book, "It's Not Me, It's You," Vanessa brings a wealth of expertise. Her unique perspective on fostering healthy relationships and navigating codependency provides valuable insights.  In this episode, Vanessa and I delve into the intricacies of codependency and its impact on relationships and self-identity. Vanessa guides us in understanding the concept of codependence and sheds light on how it influences our behaviors and choices. Vanessa's profound wisdom on this subject promises to be enlightening and transformative, making this episode a must-listen for anyone seeking to improve their mental and emotional well-being.  Featured topics: You can’t talk about the individual without talking about the collective: Codependency, patriarchy, and white supremacy are intertwined—and should all be talked about within the realm of mental health (6:46) How codependency manifests in relationships (11:25) What to do to reclaim your sense of self (16:28) Evaluating (all) relationships is normal—if it no longer works for you, that’s okay! (22:45) Can you ever eradicate codependency in your life? (24:01) Micromoments and self-identity: ”Whenever you do the hard thing, you are laying a brick on the foundation of the sense of Self.” (34:27) How mindful practices can help you sit with your emotions and recover from codependency (37:13) Learn more about Vanessa Bennett: After over a decade of grinding in the New York City corporate world, Vanessa Bennett realized her work, her relationships, and honestly, her life felt…off. She didn’t see it at first, but her path was finding her — and the journey she started to help herself ended up being her path to helping others. Cue the montage of her moving across the country, having a few breakdowns, heartbreaks, setbacks, taking hundreds of hours of trainings and workshops in yoga, yoga therapy, nutrition, somatic therapy, and reading lots and lots of books. Oh yeah, all while becoming a licensed therapist. It turns out that this passion paired well with her unique background in telling stories through marketing and corporate strategy, a longtime practice of meditation and yoga, and the fact that she’s a New Yorker who cuts to the point. Today, Vanessa lives in Los Angeles and puts all of this to work as an Author, Licensed Holistic Psychotherapist, clinical entrepreneur and mental health content creator. She co-hosts the Cheaper Than Therapy Podcast, leads soul based retreats and workshops, and creates and facilitates curriculum for non-profit and corporate trainings, events, and conferences. Resources & Links: Links and information may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-232-breaking-free-from-codependency-with-vanessa-bennett Pre-order Kate’s book “The D Word”  Vanessa’s websiteVanessa on InstagramVanessa on TikTok ============================================================== Get Your Curated Podcast Playlist! Answer four easy questions and you’ll get a curated list of podcast episodes to best support you as you navigate these tricky waters. I’ll also help you identify where you currently stand on this journey, and what’s ahead, with resources to help you move through this process with knowledge and grace. GET IT HERE ============================================================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, I am doing something on the podcast I don’t normally do—featuring a story of someone within my community. My guest, L, joins me for a conversation about how her ex-husband contested their custody agreement after he learned of L’s postings of adult content online. The case and the subsequent judgment ended up being a huge step for women and women's sexual liberation in divorce.  Along with her attorney, Jonathan, L discusses why it may have been easier to concede and take down the explicit online content, yet chose to fight the allegations (and ensuing custody battle) instead. Plus, Jonathan explains how this case can be used as legal precedent for future cases.  L, who is using an alias for this podcast, is a long-time member of the Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook group and worked through my program while going through her divorce in 2021. She’s a successful career executive, mom to a 7-year-old daughter, and an advocate for sexual freedom, having been a member of her local BDSM and kink communities for two years. Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-231-the-legal-battle-for-womens-sexual-freedom/ Pre-order Kate’s book “The D Word”  National Coalition for Sexual FreedomJD Lane LawRedacted Judge Ruling from L’s custody modification case TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM  An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go?  DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Your relationship with money is important to know and understand. Yet, most of us were not taught how to be in relationship with money. Throw in divorce, financial trauma, or abuse, and how do you begin again? My guest, Bari Tessler, teaches how to have a healthy, safe, savvy, and creative relationship with money. In this episode she offers her unique perspective on restarting your financial journey following divorce or any life change.  Bari Tessler, M.A. is a Financial Therapist and Founder of The Art of Money, a year-long money school and a Mentor program for therapists, coaches, and financial professionals. Bari trained as a Somatic Therapist and received her Masters degree from Naropa University in 1998. She then ran a bookkeeping business for therapists and artists. In 2001, she merged all her training and created a somatic-based Financial Therapy methodology that she has been teaching for 20+ years. Featured topics include: What is a financial therapist (5:35) We all make money mistakes, and we must be kind and gentle to ourselves when we do. There are a few things we are doing well and we need to claim for ourselves. (14:15)  How to feel more grounded and at ease when making decisions around money, such as body and emotions check-ins (18:42) How our money stories are formed (42:05) Rebuilding your relationship with money after financial trauma or abuse (43:20) Why it is important to find a financial professional of whom you feel safe (44:40) Learn more about Bari Tessler: Bari Tessler, M.A. is a Financial Therapist and Founder of The Art of Money, a year-long money school and a Mentor program for therapists, coaches and financial professionals. Bari trained as a Somatic Therapist and received her Masters degree from Naropa University in 1998. She then ran a bookkeeping business for therapists and artists. In 2001, she merged all her training and created a somatic-based Financial Therapy methodology that she has been teaching for 20+ years. Bari is the Author of The Art of Money: A Life-Changing Guide to Financial Happiness and The Art of Money Workbook. Her work has been featured on Oprah.com, Inc.com, US News & World Report, Reuters Money, The Fiscal Times, USA Today, The Cut, Girlboss, Nerd Wallet, Real Simple, MindBodyGreen, and REDBOOK. She has also been featured on the cover of Experience Life and Mindful. Bari loves to read, dance and enjoy dark chocolate. She lives in Boulder, CO with her husband, son, many cats + a big puppy. You can find her here: baritessler.com Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-230-the-art-of-money-with-bari-tessler Pre-order Kate’s book “The D Word”  Bari’s websiteBari’s booksBari on Instagram Bari on Facebook Bari on LinkedIn ============================================================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I am incredibly honored to be joined by Dr. Emma Katz this week on the podcast. Dr. Katz is a world-leading expert on coercive control. She is the author of Coercive Control in Children’s and Mothers’ Lives. She is an award-winning expert in domestic abuse and coercive control whose work has influenced policy and professional practice in the UK and globally. During our conversation, we discuss how to know if you are a victim of coercive control, the common forms of post-separation abuse, and understanding the orange, red, and green flag behaviors in relationships.  Dr. Emma Katz is an amazing source of information on coercive control. Our conversation aims to help you break free from coercive control, establish a realistic lens of what is happening, and plan how to move forward. Featured topics include: What we mean when we talk about coercive control (4:14) How to know if you are being coercively controlled (6:46) Why Dr. Katz says coercive control is a global health crisis (8:49) Coercive control can happen to anyone, and women are often disproportionately the victims/survivors of it (17:46) The orange/red/green flag behaviors of relationships (27:26) “The person you fell in love with was not real. The sooner you come to understand that, the better. You can then begin to take back your power.” (33:28) The five most common forms of post-separation abuse (46:59) The difficulties of criminalization of coercive control (50:28) Learn more about Dr. Emma Katz Dr. Emma Katz is Associate Professor at Durham University. She is an award-winning expert in domestic abuse and coercive control whose work has influenced policy and professional practice in the UK and globally. Dr. Katz’s book, Coercive Control in Children’s and Mothers’ Lives (published in 2022 by Oxford University Press), is described by Professor Evan Stark as a ‘pioneering work that will change how we understand and respond to children’s experience of domestic abuse.’ Follow Dr. Katz on Substack to receive her popular blog Decoding Coercive Control with Dr. Emma Katz. Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-229-understanding-coercive-control-with-dr-emma-katz/ Pre-order Kate’s book “The D Word” Dr. Katz’s website Dr. Katz’s Substack “Decoding Coercive Control” Dr. Katz on Instagram Dr. Katz on LinkedInDr. Katz on FacebookDr. Katz on YouTube Dr. Katz’s Research Publications TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINKProof. Protection. Peace of Mind. The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system comprises a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines: Court admissibility in all 50 states Facial recognition Tamper detection Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™ Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases. DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today's episode, I'm thrilled to introduce Grant Wyeth, a talented writer based in Melbourne and occasionally Sweden. He joined me to discuss the intricacies of family court and share his knowledge about parental alienation. Grant wears many hats – he's a columnist for the prestigious Asia Pacific Affairs publication, The Diplomat, an editor at Asia Pacific Development, Diplomacy, and Defense Dialogue, and the creator of the Substack newsletter, International Blue. While Grant's main focus has been on foreign affairs, in recent years, he's taken a deep dive into a different subject – the behavior of family courts. One particular Substack piece Grant wrote caught my attention. He delved into the complex issue of parental alienation within the family court system. Grant shares his research, experiences, and thoughts on these important issues in this episode.   Featured topics include: How family court systems are failing to address abuse (4:17)  The global significance of child custody cases and violence against women and its reflection on societal health (6:36) The history of parental alienation (14:18) Family court judges often lack training in recognizing signs of domestic violence, which leads to dangerous rulings (22:56) Abusers use institutions like courts, mediation, and social services as weapons to maintain control (33:43) The danger and harm of reunification camps (27:09) We discuss the father's rights movement and gender bias (45:35) Debunking parental alienation (46:46) Learn more about Grant Wyeth: Grant Wyeth is a Melbourne (and occasionally Sweden) based writer. He is currently a columnist for the Asia-Pacific affairs publication The Diplomat, is an editor at Asia-Pacific Development, Diplomacy and Defence Dialogue, and writes the Substack newsletter International Blue. Although his work primarily focuses on issues of foreign affairs, over the past few years he has taken a keen interest in the behaviour of family courts and has written extensively on these issues, as well as spoken at a number of public forums.   Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-228-exposing-parental-alienation-in-family-courts-with-grant-wyeth Grant’s Substack newsletter International Blue. Grant on Twitter Grant’s Substack article: The Best Interests Of The Abuser ============================================================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM  An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go?  DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I have yet to see an online divorce platform that is as in-depth as the award-winning platform Hello Divorce. Founder, attorney, and CEO, Erin Levine, joins me in a conversation about revolutionizing the broken divorce system and how Hello Divorce helps couples divorce in a way that feels fair, reduces conflict, and facilitates peace.  Erin’s mission is to help separating couples empower a better life ahead, and she has helped thousands of Americans reorganize their lives and families through a framework that levels the playing field between spouses so they can sort things out fairly, avoid missteps, and reimagine their next (best) chapter.    Featured topics include: The state of divorce in the media and the world today (3:13) How to invite the person you are divorcing to utilize a platform such as Hello Divorce (7:36) Even if your divorce does not go how you planned, so much of what matters is how you feel during it (14:40) Things to not forget in your settlement and post-divorce checklists (28:06) Divorce should always empower a better life ahead (34:39) Learn more about Erin Levine: Erin Levine is not your typical attorney. With over a decade of experience in litigating complex family matters, she saw the need for a kinder, easier and more affordable pathway out of marriage and into the next chapter of life. To achieve this, Erin set out to revolutionize the broken divorce system and founded Hello Divorce, a venture capital backed, tech-enabled platform, that combines self-service online tools with integrated expert advice, making it easier for everyone to navigate their lives and finances with less stress and mess. Erin’s innovative approach to the divorce process has earned her media mentions from the legal industry and beyond, with recent features in Vice, Forbes, American Bar Association Journal, Business Insider and TechCrunch. Ultimately, Erin is on a mission to help separating couples empower a better life ahead and has helped thousands of Americans reorganize their lives and families through a framework that levels the playing field between spouses so they can sort things out fairly, avoid missteps and reimagine their next (best) chapter.   Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-227-hello-divorce-redefining-the-divorce-process-with-erin-levine/ Hello Divorce Hello Divorce’s Equity Split Calculator Hello Divorce on InstagramErin on Instagram Hello Divorce on Facebook   Get Your Curated Podcast Playlist! Answer four easy questions and you’ll get a curated list of podcast episodes to best support you as you navigate these tricky waters. I’ll also help you identify where you currently stand on this journey, and what’s ahead, with resources to help you move through this process with knowledge and grace. GET IT HERE DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Every so often, I meet someone in my field with whom I hit it off amazingly. This week’s guest, Tony Overbay, is an example of when that happens. Tony joins me to discuss emotional immaturity, narcissism, and raising your emotional baseline.  Tony is a licensed marriage and family therapist, certified mindful habit coach, writer, speaker, husband, father of 4, and Host of the award-winning podcast “The Virtual Couch” and another chart-topping podcast “Waking up To Narcissism.” He has spoken to audiences worldwide about marriage, parenting, navigating a faith crisis, anxiety, depression, ADHD, narcissism, and emotional immaturity. I am certain this conversation is just the first of many. I hope you enjoy this week’s episode!  Featured topics include: The difference between emotional immaturity and narcissism (2:48) A framework to help someone with emotional immaturity or narcissistic traits (20:35) Your emotional baseline: When your baseline of emotions is low, you can't reach the tools you need to interact with the world, so raising your emotional baseline could help you get traction to use the tools you’ve learned (34:05) Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) (44:23) Learn more about Tony Overbay: Tony Overbay is a licensed marriage and family therapist, speaker, author, and podcast host. Tony spent ten years working in the software industry before returning to school in his early 30s to get his master's in counseling, and he has been working as a therapist for the past 18 years. Tony’s first book, “He’s A Porn Addict, Now What? An Expert and a Former Addict Answer Your Questions,” has been a best-seller in the Sexual Health and Recovery category since its December 2019 debut. Tony recently released the “Magnetic Marriage” couples communication course and is the creator of The Path Back, an online pornography recovery program that has helped hundreds of individuals turn away from using pornography as a coping mechanism. Tony released the award-winning “The Virtual Couch” podcast in August of 2017, and he has over 350 episodes and 5 million downloads and counting. Tony launched “Waking Up to Narcissism” in October of 2021, and it has regularly found its way into the top 50 podcasts in the “Mental Health” category on the Apple Podcast charts. Tony’s latest podcast venture is an enhanced audio podcast of his best-selling book “He’s a Porn Addict,” with his co-author, Joshua Shea, joining him as co-host.   Tony has spoken to audiences worldwide on topics ranging from marriage, parenting, navigating a faith crisis, anxiety, depression, ADHD, narcissism, and emotional immaturity. Tony has testified in several court cases on narcissism. He is currently working on two books, one on his “Emotional Baseline” theory and one on navigating a relationship with a narcissist/emotionally immature person in one's life.  Tony has been married to his high school sweetheart for 32 years, and he has four adult children, ages 18, 20, 22, and 24. Tony is an avid runner, and he has completed over 150 marathons and ultramarathons, including over a dozen races of 100 miles or more. You can find out more about Tony at http://tonyoverbay.com.   Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-226-emotional-immaturity-vs-narcissism-with-tony-overbay/ Tony’s websiteLinks to connect with Tony ============================================================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The divorce experience isn’t a cookie-cutter one for everyone. Sure, the process might look the same, but economics, culture, and race can impact how different people experience divorce. Kimberly Cook’s Grown Girl Divorce platform seeks to educate and empower Black women through divorce, as their divorce experience can be very specific and different from that of white women. I am pleased to welcome Kimberly as a guest on the podcast this week! During our conversation, Kimberly helps highlight Black women's experiences and challenges during divorce. Kimberly A. Cook, Esq. is a divorce attorney, mediator, and founder of Grown Girl Divorce, LLC, a divorce resource company. She is known for successfully negotiating complex financial and custody matters while helping her clients navigate their next steps forward. Featured topics include: Why and when Kimberly created Grown Girl Divorce (4:47) Kimberly helps unpack divorce rate (41%) and marriage rate (17%) stats for Black women (13:20) How come staying in a marriage “for your children” isn’t good for them (22:03) There is strength in community, and being a part of a community reminds you that you are not alone in both challenging and great times (41:49) The ploy of creating a “unified front” in co-parenting and divorce (46:11) Kimberly A. Cook, Esq. is a divorce attorney, Mediator, and founder of Grown Girl Divorce, LLC, a divorce resource company. She is known for successfully negotiating complex financial and custody matters while helping her clients navigate their next steps forward. Kimberly’s expertise and her unique ability to disseminate complex information in a relatable way has made her a sought-after divorce coach, speaker, and podcaster. She truly believes that everyone deserves to be in healthy and happy relationships and is on a mission to educate and empower others to make that happen.   Kimberly earned her B.A. from Spelman College and her law degree from The Catholic University of America. She is a Fellow of the Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, the country’s premier organization for family law practitioners, and an active member of American Bar Association, Jack and Jill of America, Inc., Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, and the Economic Club of Chicago. Kimberly also serves on several boards including, The Lilac Tree, the DePaul Schiller DuCanto & Fleck Family Law Center, and Old St. Mary’s Catholic School.   She has been featured in various publications including, The Chicago Daily Law Bulletin, Chicago Lawyer Magazine, Crain’s Chicago, Black Enterprise, Thrive Global, and Business Insider. In recognition of her hard work and dedication to the practice, Kimberly is the recipient of several notable awards including Crain’s Chicago Notable Minorities in Law,  Super Lawyers, and Best Lawyers In America. Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-225-grown-girl-divorce-empowering-black-women-through-divorce-with-kimberly-a-cook-esq Download The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Curated Podcast Playlist Kimberly’s websiteKimberly on InstagramGrown Girl Divorce Podcast TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINKProof. Protection. Peace of Mind. The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system comprises a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines: DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

My good friend and colleague, Michelle Dempsey-Multack, returns for a conversation about the challenges with divorce litigation and the best interest of children, co-parenting do’s and don’ts, and raising a healthy child post-divorce. Michelle's unique perspective on divorce and co-parenting has helped thousands of women find the permission to move on confidently after divorce and move towards a more intentional and holistic co-parenting experience, and she brings all the wisdom to this episode. Michelle Dempsey-Multack, MS, CDS is a Certified Divorce and Co-Parenting Specialist, bestselling author, educator for divorce coaches and top 1% podcaster known for her ability to inspire and empower moms through their divorce and co-parenting journeys. Featured topics include: The issues with “in the best interest of the children” in divorce litigation (2:41) Why it is important to know how to determine what is in the best interest of the children (7:13) When equal shared parenting isn’t something to jump right into, instead, take a step-up approach to shared parenting (8:39)  Addressing abuse in divorce—including spousal abuse, post-separation abuse, and abuse perpetrated by the courts (14:06) The impact of talking negatively about the other co-parent to your children (18:46) Age-appropriate truth in co-parenting is healthy (23:15) Some co-parenting do’s and don’ts to follow (38:22) Learn more about Michelle Dempsey-Multack: Michelle Dempsey-Multack, MS, CDS is a Certified Divorce and Co-Parenting Specialist, bestselling author, educator for divorce coaches. and top 1% podcaster known for her ability to inspire and empower moms through their divorce and co-parenting journeys.  Michelle's passion for "putting the child first" in the divorce process while helping everyone she reaches feel supported and empowered, makes her a sought after coach by clients as well as divorce industry professionals from around the globe. Michelle's unique perspective on divorce and co-parenting has helped thousands of women find the permission to move on confidently after divorce as they move towards a more intentional and holistic co-parenting experience - one that their kids can be proud of one day. Michelle solidified her place as a thought leader in the divorce space with the recent publication of her bestselling book, Moms Moving On: Real Life Advice on Conquering Divorce, Co-Parenting Through Conflict, and Becoming Your Best Self from Simon and Schuster.  Resources & Links: Information and resources may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-224-the-best-interest-of-the-children-unraveling-divorce-litigation-with-michelle-dempsey-multack/ Grit and Grace Coaching with Kate Michelle’s websiteMichelle on InstagramEpisode 211: Walking an Impossible Line: Talking Honestly with Your Kids About Their Other Parent ========= Get Your Curated Podcast Playlist! Answer four easy questions and you’ll get a curated list of podcast episodes to best support you as you navigate these tricky waters. I’ll also help you identify where you currently stand on this journey, and what’s ahead, with resources to help you move through this process with knowledge and grace. GET IT HERE! ============================================================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week's episode explores intuition and its role in decision-making with guest Dr. Carolyn Kurle. If we always followed our intuition, life would be sooo easy, right? Not exactly, but getting in touch with your intuition, what lights you up, and looking at hard data, can help you make decisions with clarity and peace.  Dr. Carolyn Kurle is a Biology Professor at the University of California, San Diego. As a scientist, Carolyn relies on logical thinking. Still, she also values quieting the false stories in our minds and fully integrating our feeling and intuitive selves to navigate the flow of life from a place of wholeness.  Featured topics include: Recognizing when you are in an unproductive groove is the first step to harnessing the power of intuition (7:35) Instead of running away from your inner critic or fear, get curious about it - that’s where the transformation can happen (12:44) “You have the agency to leave, change, and make different choices moving forward. It is powerful and amazing.” (15:34) How to work through disconnecting or disassociating from the information you don’t want to face (24:52)  Finding a way to get into a productive and intuitive groove (41:20) Learn more about Dr. Carolyn Kurle: Dr. Carolyn Kurle is a Biology Professor at the University of California, San Diego. As a scientist, Carolyn relies on logical thinking, but she also values quieting the false stories in our minds and fully integrating our feeling, intuitive selves to navigate the flow of life from a place of wholeness.  Carolyn’s work with hundreds of outstanding students at UCSD, many of whom paradoxically struggle to find ease, motivated her to write the book, The Guidance Groove: Escape Unproductive Habits, Trust Your Intuition, and Be True. Her book is an invitation to question the truth of the stories you’ve been conditioned to believe so you can more easily connect with the wisdom emanating from your intuitive guidance, increase your personal authenticity and contentment, and make choices from love instead of ego and fear. Resources & Links: Information and links can also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-223-the-science-of-intuition-with-dr-carolyn-kurle/ Grit and Grace Coaching with Kate Carolyn’s website Carolyn’s book Carolyn on LinkedIn TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM  An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go?  DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week’s episode is especially for the women who have had their heads in the sand about their finances. That’s okay because we’ve got you covered. Jennifer Lee, the founder of Modern-Wealth, a Sarasota-based financial firm focusing on helping individuals experiencing transition, joins me in this episode. Our conversation focuses on empowering women to take control of their finances, understand their money story, navigate divorce, and build a purposeful and legacy-driven financial life. Jennifer has over 27 years of expertise in the financial services industry and is also the author of Squeeze the Juice: Live With Purpose-Then Leave a Legacy. Our hope is that this episode helps you to get clear on where you are and figure out how to move forward.  Featured topics include: Why thinking about and determining your money story is important (4:56) Even if your partner handles most of the marital assets, it’s imperative you know what is going on and have an understanding of your finances (12:17) If you’ve never managed the money, but have access to financial information, Jennifer explains where to begin when it comes to the divorce process (17:03) Collaborative divorce: what it is and how it works (25:16) Recommendations for women who want to understand and manage their finances better (35:38) Learn more about Jennifer Lee: Originally from Maryland, Jennifer brought her over 27 years (44 years if you count going into the office with her father as a child) of expertise in the financial services industry to Florida. Jennifer has found that a relationship with an advisor is most critical at the intersections in life where emotions collide with financial events. She enjoys facilitating her clients through challenges as they experience life’s upsets such as divorce, the loss of a spouse, or business to retirement transition. Whether you are experiencing divorce, a business client expanding or selling your operation, or a couple wanting to make sure they have provided for their family, Modern-Wealth may be a good fit. Jennifer provides a fresh perspective to the financial planning process by digging deep to understand what drives her clients. At Modern-Wealth, they build long-lasting relationships. As part of their process, they encourage clients to communicate their values to the most important people in their lives by writing a family love letter. This led her to write “Squeeze the Juice: Live With Purpose-Then Leave a Legacy.” Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-222-get-your-head-out-of-the-sand-and-take-charge-of-your-finances-with-jennifer-lee/ Download The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Curated Podcast Playlist Jennifer’s websiteJennifer’s bookJennifer’s Facebook Jennifer’s LinkedIn Jennifer’s InstagramYouTube Excerpts from Squeeze the Juice: Live with Purpose, then Leave a Legacy Schedule a Squeeze the Juice Call with Jennifer TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM  An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go?  DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you spend most of the time feeling like you are doing parenting all wrong? Are you often doling out punishments but really wish you had more connection and calm with your kids? Michelle Kenney, a parenting coach, returns for a conversation about how to let go of punishments and find peace in parenting instead.  Parenting without the use of threats, bribes, and consequences is possible. But can you raise a great kid without using these parenting tactics? The answer is “Yes!” In this episode, Michelle breaks down how to parent without yelling or using manipulative methods. And, y’all, I learned so much from this conversation. I hope you will too!  Michelle is a mother of two, and after years of consequences, bribes, and star charts, she found Hand in Hand parenting, created by Patty Wipfler. It reshaped her relationship with her daughters, and she credits it with changing her life. Today Michelle has helped herself and others make meaningful connections, work on sibling rivalry, and alleviate school problems.    Featured topics include: Parenting without yelling or consequences starts with creating a connection with your child (3:48) Mutual cooperation is the goal (8:21) How to co-parent with someone who has a different parenting style (9:10) Punishment erodes trust and engagement; instead, aim for empathy and holding boundaries (14:32) Some ways to build and foster connection with your children (22:54) How to take care of yourself while parenting (27:48) Learn more about Michelle Kenney: Michelle lives in Los Angeles with her two girls, 12 and 15. Before becoming a Hand in Hand certified instructor in 2015, she worked for 12 years in public schools as a teacher and counselor. None of which prepared her to be a mom. After years of consequences, bribes, and star charts, she found Hand in Hand parenting, created by Patty Wipfler. It reshaped her relationship with her daughters, and she credits it with changing her life. She is passionate about helping others find their way through the murky business of being a connected parent. She loves leading groups and finds the dynamic transformative. Michelle also strongly believes that listening partnerships are the cornerstone to overcoming difficulties. Michelle has helped herself, and others make meaningful connections, work on sibling rivalry, and alleviate school problems. Aggression, fears, withdrawal, and sleep issues are just some of the struggles she has shared and helped others rectify. She holds a Master’s Degree in Education, speaks fluent Spanish, has been trained as a Council in Schools Facilitator, and is an ADL Trainer fighting against bias of all types on school campuses. Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-221-parenting-with-peace-letting-go-of-punishments-and-finding-connection-with-michelle-kenney/ Download The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Curated Podcast Playlist Michelle’s website Unpunished: How to Let Go of Punishments and Find Your Parenting Peace ========= DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In many states, courts mandate divorcing parents to take a co-parenting class. And as we often discuss in my Facebook group, many parents leave these court-mandated classes traumatized because the very first thing they teach is that divorce is terrible for your children.  While the research doesn’t support this being true (and you’d think educators in this arena would, you know, read the research), what’s worse is that this is often the very last thing parents who’ve gone through a long and difficult process have to do before finalizing their divorce — and this is what they’re being told?? In response to these types of mandated courses, Dr. Don Gordon has created a program for parents and co-parents that is skill-based, takes a non-shaming approach to co-parenting, and is actually helpful.  Dr. Gordon joins me this week to talk about the Center for Divorce Education’s, Children in Between program. He is Co-Founder and Executive Director of the Center for Divorce Education and has over 40+ years of experience as a clinical psychologist and researcher targeting the reduction and prevention of juvenile delinquency. During our conversation, he also shares some of the most important skills co-parents need to use with each other before, during, and after divorce.   “If you are going to go to a parenting class - the point of it is to have better ways of parenting and co-parenting so your behavior changes and improves.” Dr. Don Gordon, PhD Show Highlights How Dr. Gordon learned about the difficulties children experience as a result of divorce and created a course based on his findings. (4:55) One of the most damaging aspects of divorce on children is when parents involve their children in loyalty conflicts. (7:46) Your point of view isn’t necessarily in the best interest of your children. (11:54) The trauma of taking court-mandated courses. (13:55) The most important skills co-parents need to use with each other. (17:38) When you take a step back, you have a chance at controlling what you are putting out. (26:38) For someone who is looking to improve their co-parenting skills and their ex is not reciprocal in their action - what can one do? Remember, YOU are being a role model for your children and that is one of the best reasons to make these changes. (28:40) How parents can take the Center for Divorce Education’s Children in Between program for court-mandated requirements. (41:50) CDE’s High Conflict Solutions program. (45:39) Learn More About Dr. Gordon: Don Gordon is a Co-Founder and Executive Director of the Center for Divorce Education. Dr. Gordon is a 40+ year clinical psychologist and researcher with an area of expertise targeting the reduction and prevention of juvenile delinquency. During his 40 years of working with families, Dr. Gordon has studied the effects that different strategies have on reducing conflict within a family (both with parents and children). In the early 1980’s Dr. Gordon and his colleague Dr. Jack Arbothnot developed the Children in Between curriculum (formerly known as Children in the Middle) which is designed specifically to help change the behaviors of divorcing/separating parents who unknowingly place their children in the middle of their conflict, resulting in the most harmful of consequences which often lead to youth acting out in negative ways. For more than 20 years, Dr. Gordon has been providing parenting and co-parenting curricula that is skills-based, allowing families to take away from each course concrete, actionable steps that can be turned into behavior-changing habits. These results improve the lives of parents, their children, and their family unit overall. Through CDE, Dr. Gordon continues to pursue research that challenges his own assumptions and strives to find best practices that continue to (a) help families reduce their conflict, and (b) help courts by providing families with tools that are proven to shift re-litigation rates and improve communication and interaction. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dr. Shefali, an expert in family dynamics and personal development and NY Times Best-selling author, joins me this week to talk about how to radically awaken yourself from the fear-based patterns women have been raised into and instead embrace our truths and live free.  We explore many of the glitches in psychological armor that keep women from daring to speak up. Dr. Shefali also helps us to understand why we are giving up our power every day of our lives—to food, to self-loathing, or to other people. As Dr. Shefali says, “If we don’t see it and name it, we will forever be devoured by it.” Show Highlights A radical awakening to cultural conditioning women have been raised into. (5:57) The childhood abduction of our authentic self. (8:40) Why women are prone to living on a hamster wheel of life and how to stand in the power of your worth instead. (13:38) The tug of war between listening to our inner being versus what culture expects us to be. (17:20) How to get to a place of radical awakening—there is no shame in asking for help. (22:22) Why it is important to break the image of being good, perfect, superwomen. Baring our truth shouldn’t be a maverick move. Being ordinary/average is good. (24:05) The lies about love, marriage, and divorce. (29:49) What Dr. Shefali means when she says, “Your ego can be betrayed but your essence cannot be.” (31:53) Women have been culturally trained to doubt themselves. We explore how self-doubt gets in the way of deciding whether you should stay or go. (34:37) Learn More About Dr. Shefali: Dr. Shefali received her doctorate in clinical psychology from Columbia University. Specializing in the integration of Western psychology and Eastern philosophy, she brings together the best of both worlds for her clients. She is an expert in family dynamics and personal development, teaching courses around the globe. She has written four books, three of which are New York Times best-sellers, including her two landmark books The Conscious Parent and The Awakened Family.  Oprah has endorsed her work as revolutionary and life-changing. Dr. Shefali’s ground-breaking approach to mindful living and parenting has taken her books to the top of the NY Times best-sellers list. Her blend of clinical psychology and eastern mindfulness sets her apart as a leader in the field of mindfulness psychology.  As an international speaker, she speaks at events around the globe, spreading her message of conscious parenting and mindful living. She also has a private practice where she consults with families and couples.  Resources & Links: Dr. Shefali's website Dr. Shefali on Facebook Dr. Shefali on Instagram @doctorshefali A Radical Awakening - Deep Dive TODAY'S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINK Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind. The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system consists of a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines: Court-admissibility in all 50 states Facial recognition Tamper detection Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™ Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases. JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We are so conditioned to expect that Prince Charming will show up on his white horse and deliver us radical intimacy; he will sweep us off our feet and the rest is history. Let’s be real - that's just not how intimacy works.  In fact, as Zoë Kors, a sought-after thought leader on intimacy and sexuality, says “We are not taught these [intimacy] skills. We are programmed to believe passion, sex, and love happen spontaneously.” Zoë joins me to discuss how to cultivate radical intimacy within ourselves and explore why we expect and often demand something from others we don’t know how to give to ourselves.  We tend to think intimacy is something that requires a lover, but radical intimacy is a rich experience of yourself; and as a result, it allows you to have a rich experience with someone else. Tune in to hear how to embrace a radically intimate life. Show Highlights What Zoe means when she uses the term ‘radical intimacy’. (3:38) Cultivating intimacy and the three areas of intimacy: physical, emotional, and energetic. (7:19) Energetic intimacy and the emotional attachment myth - women believe they are, by nature, are emotionally attached to the people they have sex with. (10:30) Some habits and actions we do disconnect us from our bodies. (21:46) Three ways we run away from pain and feel discomfort: denial, distraction, and deflection. (24:11) Coming out of a marriage is an opportunity to heal and take back your sovereignty. (36:57) The paths of sexual healing and finding safety in your own body. (40:01) How to reignite sexual intimacy within relationships. (42:04) Learn More About Zoë: Zoë is the resident sex and intimacy coach and contributor at Coral, sexual wellness app. Zoë is the former Senior Editor and Creative Director of LA Yoga Magazine. Zoë’s article, 6 Ways to Have Radically Intimate Sex, quickly went viral and is currently at over 2 million views and over 250K Facebook shares.  In addition to a thriving private practice, Zoë offers her services through the Center for Relational Healing, which specializes in the treatment of sex addicts and their partners. As a team member, Zoë works with clients to reintroduce healthy sexuality and intimacy after the trauma of betrayal.    She is a certified Co-Active Coach with the prestigious Co-Active Training Institute in San Rafael, CA. Zoë is initiated in the Sri Vidya tantra lineage. Her work reflects her extensive study of Tantra, Zen Buddhism, Meditation, Yoga, Breathwork, and other Eastern disciplines, which she integrates with more process-oriented modalities of Western psychotherapy and Co-Active Coaching. Resources & Links: Zoe’s websiteZoe on Instagram FREE download from Zoe: 21 Days to Mind-blowing Sex JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In 2012, my guest, Sara Olsher, packed up her 18-month old daughter, left her marriage, and after four years of intense personal growth, founded a company that sells amazing resources for co-parents and their children. Whether it’s divorce, cancer, death, or any other uncertainty, Sara has worked hard to be comfortable with the profoundly uncomfortable through her company Mighty + Bright. Much of what we discuss in this episode is about how to help our children through a hard situation and ease their anxiety. Because honestly, most kids simply want to know that you’re going to be okay, and want to know how divorce is going to affect them. As Sara reminds us, “You’re raising resilient kids. This [divorce] is a really hard thing to go through, but every challenge that we have makes us more resilient and that’s true for your kids too. They have your support through it and you’re helping them to be stronger people.” Show Highlights Sara shares the story of her path towards healing after divorce led her into the world of child psychology and into the way that kids’ brains work. (7:45) The inspiration for her first product, a magnetic co-parenting calendar for separation + divorce. (9:58) Sara’s breast cancer diagnosis and the creation of a book about talking to children about cancer. (11:01) How her calendars and books help children get answers to unresolved questions, ease tension, and help them with executive functioning. (17:18)   Learn More About Sara: As a writer, illustrator, and speaker, Sara spends her life creating products to help kids through really hard things at Mighty + Bright, and talking about stuff that makes many people want to crawl into a deep, dark hole. Whether it is divorce, cancer, death, or uncertainty, she has worked hard to be comfortable with the profoundly uncomfortable. Her work has been featured in POPSUGAR, Reader’s Digest, the Mighty, and Good Housekeeping, to name a few, and she has spoken in front of audiences large and small about her experience making major life changes after divorce and cancer. She truly believes that everyone has the strength and resilience to overcome unimaginable hardship and use those lessons to make this world a much better place. Resources & Links: Mighty + Bright website Sara’s website Sara on Instagram Mighty + Bright on Instagram JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Many of the women I work with, at some point, have stated that all they wanted in their relationship was to feel understood. As this week’s guest, Mira Kirshenbaum (author of the seminal book, Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay) states in her book, Why Couples Fight, “Feeling understood is the orgasm of intimacy.” Mira joins me to talk about the ways in which couples can end conflict, frustration, and resentment in their relationships. Mira is co-founder and clinical director of The Chestnut Hill Institute in Boston, an internationally recognized center for research and psychotherapy for couples, families, and individuals. Show Highlights Unmet needs and the pursuit of getting your needs met. (9:52) “Power is the nightmare of love.” We have at least 101 ways we make our partner feel disempowered. (17:04) The Eight Core Experiences of Love and why we must protect, maintain, and nourish all eight of them. “Love without affection is like food without flavor.” (18:20) The 1-2-3 method - a 3-step process for resolving conflict in any relationship - sets couples up so they are both satisfied. (27:41) How to get your needs met with someone who is addicted to conflict. (35:36) Some ways you can provide feedback in a healthy manner. (37:30) What a power move is and why people use them. (39:19) Learn More About Mira: Mira Kirshenbaum is the author of eleven books—including the influential Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay; Parent-Teen Breakthrough; Everything Happens for a Reason; and The Weekend Marriage— that have been translated into over twenty languages, and she is a two-time finalist for the Books for a Better Life award.   Mira is co-founder and clinical director of The Chestnut Hill Institute in Boston, an internationally recognized center for research and psychotherapy for couples, families and individuals. She has been a workshop leader and trainer for medical professionals at Harvard Medical School and other institutions. She has appeared on 20/20, Today, and CBS Early Show, and has been featured as an expert in O, Cosmopolitan, Vogue, Glamour, and Good Housekeeping.  Resources & Links: Mira's website Mira on Facebook Mira on Twitter JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dr. Elizabeth Cohen is CEO and Founder of the online divorce course and membership, Afterglow: the Light on The Other Side of Divorce. She is also the author of the book, “Light on the Other Side of Divorce: Discovering the New You,” which is a phenomenal book about how to grow and thrive after divorce.  She joins me this week to discuss aspects of her book, including the need for processing your emotions. Because, love, you need to allow yourself to feel. We also talk about how divorce is trauma. As Dr. Cohen so eloquently stated,  “We hold trauma in our body and divorce is a trauma. We need to allow the movement of this energy, this fight response through us. We need to in order to be a better parent, to be a better partner, to whoever we work with, to be a better citizen in this world.” Show Highlights Challenging assumptions about divorce, because even in 2021, there is still a stigma about it. (6:08) You have every reason to feel ALL of your feelings. (16:18) So, what are some ways you can express anger? Dr. Cohen shares some ideas. (17:26) Divorce, trauma, and how it affects your entire body. (22:41) How self-doubt, inner-critic, and dissociation all make it hard to decide whether you should stay or you should go. (27:53) There's no wrong way to go through this process. If you're working with someone and they're telling you; there's a right way and a wrong way, then they're not your person. (29:43) Dr. Cohen shares about her relationship pattern excavator. (31:20) Working through the grief and loss of your marriage is a process. “It’s unpeeling and dealing with the loss over time.” (36:00) Learn More About Dr. Cohen: Dr. Cohen is a clinical psychologist. She is the CEO and founder of the online divorce course and membership Afterglow: The Light at the Other Side of Divorce and the CEO of the Center for CBT in NYC. Dr. Cohen’s online course teaches women how to heal, grow and thrive after divorce no matter how difficult the process has been. Dr. Cohen offers a monthly membership program to provide 1:1 coaching, expert support from divorce professionals, and an engaged community of like-minded people. Dr. Cohen received her Ph.D. in clinical psychology from Boston University. She was the recipient of the prestigious American Psychological Foundation Research Award for her research on the emotional effects of 9/11. She has been featured on the Tamron Hall Show, the Wall Street Journal, NBC News, Women’s Health, Huff Post, Thrive Global, Daily Beast, and Good Housekeeping. Dr. Cohen is a weekly contributor to Psychology Today with her “Divorce Course” column. Dr. Cohen hosts the Divorce Doctor podcast where she interviews people about their divorce experiences. Dr. Cohen’s book based on her Afterglow program entitled, Light at The Other Side of Divorce: Discovering the New You will be published in April 2021.  Resources & Links: Dr. Cohen’s book Dr. Cohen’s website Dr. Cohen on FacebookThe Thrive Fund TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINK Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind. The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system consists of a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines: Court-admissibility in all 50 states Facial recognition Tamper detection Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™ Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases. JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

So, you and your spouse have decided to divorce. You’re now faced with the responsibility of telling your kids. Unfortunately, there is no script for breaking the news to them. This week, I am bringing back my friend and colleague Christina McGhee to walk listeners through the very nuanced step-by-step process of telling your children you’re getting a divorce.   You and your ex are going to be co-parenting for the rest of your lives. Telling your children you’re getting divorced is the first step in parenting apart.   “You can’t take the hurt away. It is going to be hard. How you handle the hard parts is what makes a huge difference for your kids.” Christina McGhee Show Highlights First and foremost, you don’t want to prematurely tell your children you are divorcing. (3:26) Instead, the most important thing is to have a plan - be thoughtful about what you say and when you plan to say it. (4:00) Christina’s thoughts on telling your children you are only separating and then tell them you are getting a divorce at some point in the future. (6:41) Not a one-off conversation, but a series of conversations. (7:42) What do you say - what kind of information do you and don’t you provide. (11:09) Why it is important to make a distinction between romantic love versus love for your children. (16:52) When is it “easiest” for children to hear that you are getting a divorce? Hint: there is never an easy time. (19:01) As a parent, you need to responsibly manage your emotions. Plus, how to plan the conversation if you (or your spouse) is an emotionally vulnerable parent. (26:35) Curbing the desire to share your version of the truth with your kids. Mitigate this action by putting children at the center. (31:09) Learn More About Christina: Christina McGhee is a “media savvy” divorce-parenting expert whose practical advice has been highlighted both online and in print. Over the years, she has been featured on television, radio, podcasts, tele-summits, and webinars. Some of the places you may have seen her are Today Parents, Parenting Magazine, The Times, Channel 4, the BBC, NYU Doctor Radio, and The Dr. Laura Berman Radio Show on the Oprah Network just to name a few. Christina is an informative and engaging guest who brings insight and strategies to help separating families deal with “real-life” challenges. As a zealous advocate for children, she does an excellent job of keeping the focus where it belongs…on kids. Christina speaks on a wide range of topics from what to do in the beginning stages of separation to dealing with issues years down the road. She is also skilled at addressing tough issues like discipline differences, dealing with a difficult ex, high-conflict personalities, badmouthing, and neutralizing divorce drama. Resources & Links: Christina’s website Christina on LinkedIn Christina on Facebook Christina on Instagram Christina’s previous appearance on The Divorce Survival GuideEllen Bruno about her movie Split, on The Divorce Survival GuideThe Thrive Fund Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, I’m sharing the conversation I had with Ellen Bruno about her film, Split. Split is an incredible film for kids of divorce and their parents. It is simple in its presentation, but poignant. Split is a deeply personal film that explores the effects of divorce on children, from the child’s perspective. The movie allows children to speak the powerful truth of what is on their minds and in their hearts. Show Highlights What inspired Ellen to create a child-centered film about divorce. (5:53) How the film can be used as a tool for children and co-parents alike. (12:11) Mediators, family advisors, and court systems are also utilizing the film as a resource. Viewing it before mediation sessions help turn parents’ attention away from their anger and experiences, and instead towards their children, instead. (19:03) The production of Split 2 and what Ellen learned as she revisited 11 of the 12 children she interviewed originally. (25:07) Learn More About Ellen: Ellen Bruno is an award-winning documentary filmmaker based in San Francisco. With a background in international relief work, Ellen’s films have focused on issues at the forefront of human rights, including sex trafficking in Burma, political prisoners in Tibet, the social alienation of people with leprosy, and genocide in Cambodia. Ellen earned an MA in Film at Stanford University. She is a recipient of Guggenheim and Rockefeller Fellowships, a Goldie Award for Outstanding Artists, an Alpert Award for the Arts, an Anonymous Was A Woman Award for the Arts, and was an Artist-in-Residence at the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts. Ellen serves on the board of the International Buddhist Film Festival, the Pacific Pioneer Fund, and Ethical Traveler. Resources & Links: Split’s website Split on FacebookThe Thrive Fund TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:THE CENTER FOR DIVORCE EDUCATION The Center for Divorce Education is an organization that provides separated parents with the tools and techniques necessary to navigate the difficult task of being a co-parent. They currently offer an online parenting class called Children in Between. Anyone who is co-parenting can benefit from the class. Visit the link above to learn more. JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, I am talking with Dr. Elizabeth Jeglic about sexual coercion. We discuss how it shows up in relationships and what a woman can do if she is a victim. Dr. Jeglic is an internationally renowned expert speaker, author, and researcher on topics related to sexual violence prevention and sex offender public policy. She is also a licensed clinical psychologist and professor of psychology, and author of Protecting Your Child from Sexual Abuse: What You Need to Know to Keep Your Kids Safe.  My hope is that through this episode, you can begin to understand that your partner should want you to be an active and willing participant in any sexual behavior. The feelings should be mutual, and sex should not be forced on you.  Show Highlights Dr. Jeglic helps us to understand what sexual coercion is and what it is not. (3:13) Whether you're in a marriage, a dating relationship, or meet a stranger at a party, if you are not able to give consent, it’s rape. (4:58) The impact of our vision around our own sexuality. (7:28) The power of choice comes down to you, your values, and what you consent to. (14:42) Some ways in which sexual coercion shows up in relationships. (15:53) Examples of sexual scripts that show up within society, media, and the entertainment industry. (21:00) It is our responsibility to teach our children what a consensual relationship looks like, how you get consent, and what affirmative consent looks like. (22:32) If you are experiencing sexual coercion in your marriage or have, Dr. Jeglic offers some advice on what to do next. (27:23) How we can teach our children to have healthy, sexual relationships. (30:25) Learn More About Dr. Elizabeth Jeglic: Dr. Elizabeth L. Jeglic is an internationally renowned expert, speaker, author, and researcher on topics related to Sexual Violence Prevention and Sex Offender Public Policy. She is a licensed clinical psychologist and Professor of Psychology at the John Jay College of Criminal Justice, City University of New York. She is the author of Protecting your Child from Sexual Abuse and Sexual Violence: Evidence-Based Policy and Prevention. Dr. Jeglic has published over 130 articles and book chapters and is an Associate Editor of the Journal Sexual Abuse. Dr. Jeglic's work is frequently quoted in the media, she is a nationally recognized public speaker and has been awarded the Fay Honey Knopp Award for her work preventing sexual violence. Resources & Links:Dr. Jeglic’s website Dr. Jeglic on Twitter  Dr. Jeglic on Facebook  Dr. Jeglic on LinkedIn Protecting Your Child From Sexual Abuse: What You Need to Know to Keep Your Kids Safe DSG Abuse Mini-Series: Escaping Toxic Relationships and Abuse in Faith-Based Communities with Sarah McDugalShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook GroupThe Thrive Fund Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week I am continuing my podcast mini-series on abuse (which isn’t so mini, after all). Joining me to discuss faith-based toxic relationships is Sarah McDugal. Sarah is a speaker, trainer, and abuse recovery coach who works exclusively with women wounded by toxic relationships in the faith community. There are various forms of abuse that can take place within a faith community. One scenario is the church as the abuser. Another often seen is using the church as a weapon of abuse. Sarah joins me to discuss how abuse shows up within the church and what we can do to change the narrative.  While this episode deals with abuse within the faith community, Sarah makes a poignant statement about the purpose of her teachings, “My first desire is to call the faith community to be humble enough, to recognize where we failed, so that we can rebuild and we can change it. Second, if you are a woman, listening to this [episode] thinking, ‘Oh my goodness this is my life,’ I want you to know that there are resources. There is help…You are not alone.” Show Highlights Fundamental theologies of the church and how they enable abusers. (3:23) Why we must recognize that abuse happens in the faith community. Plus, we explore some ways it shows up. (4:00) The vulnerability of women within the church: most churches and faith-based communities are patriarchal in their core foundation. Those who carry the greater level of power in the majority tend to be men. (15:39)  How marriage counseling within the church environment is damaging. (23:11) Why the interpretation of the biblical text matters: love and truth versus coercion and control. (36:39) Changing the discussion around sexuality, marriage, and sexual satisfaction for women of the Christian faith. (38:37) Some solutions for women who want to escape an abusive relationship within the faith community. (48:04) We explore the four abusive relational elements, including entitlement and control. (59:51) Learn More About Sarah:Sarah McDugal is a speaker, trainer, and Abuse Recovery Coach who works exclusively with women wounded by toxic relationships in the faith community. She has published three books: "One Face: Shed the Mask, Own Your Values, and Lead Wisely," "Myths We Believe, Predators We Trust: 37 Things You Don't Want to Know About Abuse in Church," and "Safe Churches: Responding to Abuse in the Faith Community."  Sarah is the founder of WILD, which offers individual coaching, recovery resources, training events, online courses, and private support groups. She emphasizes intentional prevention, responsible strategy, and holistic healing in her appearances on podcasts, TV, radio, and lectures.   Resources & Links:Sarah’s websiteSystems of Abuse ChartParenting Resource List5 Day Self-Compassion: Use Code KATE7 for $7 off. Offer extended to the first 100 listeners of the Divorce Survival Guide podcast. Sarah on FacebookSarah on YouTubeSarah on InstagramSarah on Twitter The Thrive Fund Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week we are discussing how to communicate with a high-conflict co-parent. Joining me is my guest Bill Eddy. Bill is an attorney, therapist, mediator, author, and the co-founder and Chief Innovation Officer of the High Conflict Institute. He pioneered the High Conflict Personality Theory (HCP) and is a leading expert on managing disputes involving people with high conflict personalities. Bill is also the author of BIFF™: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, and the just-released, BIFF For Coparent Communication. If you are in any kind of high-conflict situation, you need this book. Seriously.  During our conversation, Bill shares his expertise along with tips and techniques to help maneuver difficult co-parent texts, emails, and social media posts. Whether you are in a high-conflict co-parent situation or simply co-parenting with an ex, this episode is full of valuable information you can put to use immediately. Show Highlights High-conflict personalities and keeping high-conflict divorce out of the courtroom. How Bill developed the method of communication he uses in high-conflict situations. Why it is important to be brief when writing emails or written correspondence with a co-parent.  Why you should avoid labeling a co-parent as a blame speaker, high-conflict person, or as someone who has a personality disorder. Plus, what you can do instead.  Some techniques to help turn a high-conflict situation around or at least defuse one. The art of learning how and when to take a PAUSE. How to get information to a co-parent, in a friendly tone, and then end the conversation.  Learn More About Bill: Bill Eddy is an attorney, therapist, mediator, author, and the co-founder and Chief Innovation Officer of the High Conflict Institute. He pioneered the High Conflict Personality Theory (HCP) and is a leading expert on managing disputes involving people with high conflict personalities. He was the Senior Family Mediator at the National Conflict Resolution Center for 15 years, a Certified Family Law Specialist lawyer representing clients in family court for 15 years, and a Licensed Clinical Social Worker therapist with twelve years’ experience. He serves on the faculty of the Straus Institute for Dispute Resolution at the Pepperdine University School of Law in California and is a Conjoint Associate Professor with the University of Newcastle Law School in Australia. He has been a speaker and trainer in over 30 U.S. states and 10 countries and is the author or co-author of sixteen books (as of 2020) and has a popular blog on the Psychology Today website with over 4 million views. Resources & Links: High Conflict InstituteBill on Instagram High Conflict Institute on Facebook The Thrive Fund Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Financial abuse is the exertion of power, control, and manipulation to the detriment of a person. This form of abuse negatively impacts a person in a number of ways. Here’s the thing, many women become financially disempowered after marriage and experience financial abuse in silence. So, this week, during the Divorce Survival Guide series on abuse, we are exploring the topic of financial abuse.  My special guest is Lili Vasileff. She is a Certified Financial Planner (CFP®), Master Analyst in Financial Forensics (MAFF™) specializing in Matrimonial Litigation, and a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA®). In this episode we explore what financial abuse looks like, the complexities involved, and red flags to watch for.  And yes, while this is a conversation about financial abuse, it is also one about financial empowerment too.  Join me next week when we explore how to communicate with a high-conflict co-parent. You can sign up for my email list to be notified whenever a new episode is released or subscribe to the podcast on your favorite podcast listening app.  Show Highlights The difference between financial infidelity and financial abuse. (4:52) Financial abuse explained. Did you know that one in three victims of financial abuse don't even recognize it for what it is? (8:12) Is financial abuse common? Lili shares. Plus, some ways it may show up in a relationship. (9:46) Steps to take to ensure financial security at the beginning of a relationship. (18:38) You want to get divorced but have been abused, controlled, and manipulated. Lili offers some ways to get out of this type of situation and find financial freedom. (22:41) There are organizations willing to teach, help, and support women to get back into a career, to learn how to budget, learn how to invest, and go through a divorce. (26:44) Some red flags and characteristics of a financial abuser. (35:26) Learn More About Lili: Lili A. Vasileff is a fee-only Certified Financial Planner (CFP®), Master Analyst in Financial Forensics (MAFF™) specializing in Matrimonial Litigation, Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA®), and President of Wealth Protection Management based in Greenwich, CT. She is a trained mediator, collaborative financial specialist, and qualified litigation expert. She trains divorce professionals in the Collaborative process and presents on financial topics regularly at the New York City Bar Association.  She is a nationally recognized expert practitioner, speaker, writer, and author of three books: “Money & Divorce: The Essential Roadmap to Mastering Financial Decisions” published by the American Bar Association; and “The Ultimate Divorce Organizer, The Complete Interactive Guide to Achieving the Best Legal, Financial and Personal Divorce”, and “The Divorce Planner Checklist”.  Lili is the co-president of the National Association of Divorce Financial Planners (ADFP). Her awards include the prestigious 2013 Pioneering Award for outstanding public advocacy and leadership in the field of divorce financial planning, the Women’s Choice Award as a highly recommended Financial Advisor by Women for Women; CEO Today 2018 Business Woman of the Year Award; Five Star Wealth Manager Award for last 12 years, the Best Wealth Protection Manager 2019 - Northeast USA and Recognized Leader in Divorce Finance 2019 by Wealth & Money Management, and Marquis Who’s Who Albert Nelson Lifetime Achievement Award. Her website is www.wealthprotectionmanagement.com. Resources & Links: Lili’s website Lili on TwitterLili on LinkedInLili on InstagramLili on Facebook Lili on YouTube DSG Abuse Mini-Series: Escaping Domestic Violence with Leslie Morgan Steiner DSG Abuse Mini-Series: Escaping Emotional Abuse with Beverly Engel Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group The Thrive Fund JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week we continue the abuse mini-series on the Divorce Survival Guide podcast. In this episode, Leslie Morgan Steiner, author of The Naked Truth, returns to the show to join me in a discussion about domestic violence. She is a New York Times best-selling author, a columnist for The Washington Post, a speaker on work/family balance, a successful corporate executive – and domestic violence survivor.  Her book, Crazy Love, is a harrowing memoir about her journey through a severely violent marriage. Together we discuss the complexities of domestic violence and Leslie shares how she ultimately ended her tumultuous marriage and began to heal. Still, to come on the Divorce Survival Guide mini-series on abuse, we’ll explore financial abuse and how to communicate with a high-conflict co-parent. You can sign up for my email list to be notified whenever a new episode is released or subscribe to the podcast on your favorite podcast listening app.  Show Highlights Leslie’s story of domestic violence abuse and how it was a transformational experience. (9:09) 85% of abusers are men and some red flags to watch for in potential partners. (16:33) Caution: If you think “I can't help him, but if he gets into therapy, then he'll be okay,” this is true — if he does his own work and his own therapy. The research has shown it can be a decades-long process. (27:47) Domestic violence is a triage situation: help the victims first, but we're never really going to end abuse unless we start focusing on perpetrators getting the counseling that they need. (28:21) Abusive relationships: should you stay or should you go? (30:12) How Leslie reconciled being the victim of a destructive relationship and the champion of relationships themselves as a force for healing. (42:29) Learn More About Leslie: New York Times best-selling author, a columnist for The Washington Post, speaker on work/family balance, successful corporate executive – and domestic violence survivor.  Leslie Morgan Steiner is the author of four nonfiction books: the New York Times bestselling memoir Crazy Love; the critically acclaimed anthology Mommy Wars: Stay-at-Home and Career Moms Face Off on Their Choices, Their Lives, Their Families; The Baby Chase: How Surrogacy Is Transforming the American Family; and her latest memoir, The Naked Truth, which explores female sexuality, self-esteem, and dating after 50.  Steiner holds a BA in English from Harvard College. Her first job was writing and editing for Seventeen Magazine. After graduating from Wharton business school in 1992 with an MBA in Marketing, she launched Splenda Brand Sweetener internationally for Johnson & Johnson. She returned to her hometown of Washington, DC in 2001 to become General Manager of the 1.1 million-circulation Washington Post Magazine, a position she held for five years. From 2006-2008 she wrote over 500 columns for the Washington Post’s popular on-line work/family column, “On Balance.” She has been profiled by People Magazine, the New York Times, Glamour, Psychology Today, Redbook, The Washington Post, and other publications.    Steiner is a regular speaker at international women’s conferences and media guest on The Today Show, National Public Radio, Anderson Cooper 360, The Tamron Hall Show, ABC, NBC, CBS, and cable news networks. She has appeared in Newsweek, BusinessWeek, Elle, Parents, Self, Vogue, Vanity Fair, The Los Angeles Times, and CNN.com. She is a frequent speaker and consultant on the subjects of marketing to moms and ending family violence. Her 2012 TEDTalk about domestic violence has been viewed by over six million people, and in 2014 she completed her second TEDTalk exploring the ethics of global surrogacy.   She serves as a board member for the One Love Foundation, in honor of the slain University of Virginia senior Yeardley Love.  Leslie Morgan Steiner lives in Washington, DC, New York, and New Hampshire.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This month, I am kicking off a mini-series on abuse on the Divorce Survival Guide podcast. In this episode, Beverly Engel joins me to talk about emotional abuse. She is the author of Escaping Emotional Abuse: Healing from the Shame You Don’t Deserve.   Emotional abuse is a deep and insidious attack on the soul. It causes the victim to question the truth about themselves, to doubt their worthiness as a person, and even the capacity to love.  In Beverly’s book, she writes that she found emotional abuse and shame to be more harmful than physical abuse. Whether or not you are being emotionally abused, this episode is a must-listen. The only way to help people from abuse like emotional abuse is to talk openly and honestly about it. We cover so much in this episode, I hope you’ll tune in.  Also, coming up over the next few weeks during the Divorce Survival Guide mini-series on abuse, we’ll explore the topics of domestic violence, financial abuse, and how to communicate with a high-conflict co-parent. You can sign up for my email list to be notified whenever a new episode is released or subscribe to the podcast on your favorite podcast listening app.  Show Highlights What is emotional abuse? (4:06) Some characteristics of emotional abuse, like threatening to leave you or withholding money, sex, or affection. (15:00) The reason why women, in particular, find themselves in emotionally abusive relationships.(21:10) The intentional abuser is looking for somebody they can control. (22:34) The unintentional abuser is probably repeating what they witnessed in their home, repeating how his father treated his mother or vice versa. (27:26) You are depressed, emotionally, and physically depleted. Beverly explains how to gain the strength and the determination to pack up and leave. (33:24) Shame is one of the most damaging aspects of emotional abuse. We discuss some of the major factors towards healing, including self-compassion and expressing anger. (41:14) Learn More About Beverly: Beverly has been a psychotherapist for 35 years specializing in emotional and sexual abuse healing. She is the author of 23 self-help books and has been on many national radio and TV programs including CNN, Oprah and Starting Over.  Resources & Links: Beverly’s New Book Beverly’s website Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

My friend Susan Guthrie, host of Divorce and Beyond Podcast, joins me to talk about why you might want to seek spousal and child support in your divorce. I am especially excited about this episode because it’s a crossover event that we created for you! This episode is Part 1 of the crossover event and you can hear Part 2 on Susan’s show. Alimony is the scariest and complicated topic that comes up during a divorce. Together, Susan and I talk about the complexities of spousal support, including how tax laws/bills affect alimony (currently, not in a good way), and when it’s appropriate to seek out support. In Part 1 of our crossover conversation (this episode, right here!) Susan and I talked about why women should take support. In Part 2, we discuss some of the support pitfalls to watch out for and why it may not be the best solution for everyone. Head over to Susan’s podcast to listen to Part 2! Show Highlights The real-deal about alimony and the factors that go into determining when alimony is appropriate. (4:34) Child support guidelines as they currently stand place children in the middle of a divorce. This is NOT okay. (16:44) As a stay-at-home parent, you’ve invested in the household, therefore spousal support honors the work that you’ve done — However, it’s a minimal return on your investment, which can leave women more disempowered in the end. (18:15) What you need to know about negotiating support. (28:08) Learn More About Susan: Susan Guthrie, nationally recognized as one of the Top Family Law and Mediation Attorneys in the United States, has been helping individuals and families navigate separation and divorce for 30 years. Susan provides exclusively online divorce mediation and legal coaching services to select clients around the world through her business Divorce in a Better Way. Susan has also recently partnered with mediation legend, Forrest “Woody” Mosten, to create the Mosten Guthrie Academy to provide cutting edge gold-standard training for attorneys, mediators and other professionals. As a leading dispute resolution professional, Susan is honored to serve on the Executive Council of the American Bar Association’s (ABA) Section of Dispute Resolution as the Membership Officer and to be a Co-Chair of the Mediation Committee and Annual Advanced Mediation Skills Institute. Susan is also an internationally well-regarded expert in online mediation and has been training colleagues and other professionals in the practical and ethical considerations of conducting their mediations online with her innovative programs and webinars for more than two years. To date, more than 15,000 dispute resolution professionals have benefited from her program and she has trained mediators in countries all around the world including programs for the American Bar Association (ABA), the Alternative Dispute Resolution Institute of Canada (ADRIC), and the National Association of Distinguished Neutrals (NADN) among others. Susan founded Learn to Mediate Online™ in 2018 and now offers more than 7 programs for professionals all designed to help them to advance their skills and their practice to new heights. In addition to her other professional endeavors, Susan is an award-winning podcast host. Having reached a podcast listening audience of almost 4 million in the past two years, Susan is the creator and host of the hit podcast, The Divorce and Beyond Podcast with Susan Guthrie, Esq. which debuted on iTunes “Top Podcasts for Self-Help” List. She recently launched The Learn to Mediate Online Podcast with Susan Guthrie, Esq. to bring current information, updates and news on ODR to her thousands of followers. Susan has been featured in and on media outlets such as CNBC, Market Watch, Forbes, Eye on Chicago, WGN, the ABA’s Just Resolutions Magazine, Thrive Global, The Nook Online among others. She is licensed to practice law in the States of California and Connecticut as well as before the Supreme Court of the United States. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Part of my work is to dig through the roots of patriarchal oppression, expose it for what it is, and bring light to ways in which we can smash it into oblivion. So, when I hear about stories of girls who are given to their abusers to be married at the age of 13 because they are pregnant - I am outraged (and enraged). Dawn Tyree is a fierce survivor of child marriage and turned her experience into an incredible life’s work. She was not raised in a fanatical cult. Girls being married off to their abuser is happening all over the U.S. every year.  In this episode, Dawn joined me to talk about her experience. We discuss the problem of child marriage and how we can resolve it. She is an author, activist, and a founding member of The National Coalition to End Child Marriage in the U.S. Her testimony and that of other survivors played a crucial role in ending child marriage in 4 U.S. States. Her experience has been published in multiple major publications around the world. I am honored that she joined me to share her story.  Show Highlights Dawn shares her story of being left in the care of an adult, experiencing sexual abuse at his hands, and being forced to marry him at 13. (8:57) The system is set up to let sexual abuse, abandonment, and child marriage happen. (13:13) Dawn’s experience of being manipulated into believing that child marriage was the best choice. (15:31) How and when Dawn became aware that she was a victim of a sexual predator/abuser, how she began to process those emotions and started to plot her way out. (17:49) The story of her divorce and custody proceedings - as a minor. By the way, there is NO minimum age to marry (currently) in the state of CA. But, you have to be 18 years old in order for a divorce to be finalized. (27:26) From a parenting perspective, how Dawn spoke to her children about her/their situation. (29:01) Why you have to take your children out of an abusive situation and give them the opportunity to see what else there is. (35:19) What we can do to help end child marriage in the U.S. (41:32) Dawn explains why child marriage is a form of sex trafficking in plain sight. (50:21) Learn More About Dawn: Dawn Tyree is an author, activist, and a founding member of The National Coalition to End Child Marriage in the U.S. She is currently working with Global Hope 365 to help end child marriage in California. Her testimony and that of other survivors played a crucial role in ending child marriage in 4 U.S. States. The story of her experience as a child forced into marriage has been published in The New York Times, Reuters, The Sun, DailyMail, The News-Review, WRAL, Freedom United, Portland Metrozine, YES! Magazine, and printed into 12 different languages. Dawn works with multiple organizations and universities across the nation to help educate and offer support in comparative studies (the US and international) on child marriage and human rights abuse issues. Dawn was featured in a two-hour documentary on child marriage in the U.S. as part of the A & E Network docu-series, “I Was a Child Bride: The Untold Story” with Elizabeth Vargas that aired in April 2019. She continues her activism work in tandem with writing her harrowing story of overcoming the toughest of odds. Tyree is enjoying life in the Pacific Northwest Coastal Range. Resources & Links: National Coalition to End Child Marriage  Dawn on FacebookDawn on Instagram California Coalition to End Child Marriage Child Marriage – Shocking StatisticsStudents Against Child Marriage A&E’s I Was a Child Bride: The Untold Story GET HELP:  National Human Trafficking Hotline:  1-888-373-7888  Text: befree to *233733 Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The topic of trauma bonds is one of the biggest conversations that circulate within my Facebook group and also with clients. In fact, it is one of the biggest obstacles women tackle as they extricate themselves from a toxic relationship. So this week, I am bringing back my friend Gwynn Raimondi to talk all about trauma bonds. Gwynn is a writer, Trauma Support Practitioner, Relational Systems Explorer, and the creator of the Trauma-Informed Embodiment™ modality. The typical advice given to those breaking free from toxic relationships is to go no contact. Unfortunately, if you are a parent, going no contact isn’t an option. You don’t have the luxury of doing that when you share children with the person you have a trauma bond with. In this episode, Gwynn helps us understand what a trauma bond is and how you can set healthy boundaries in order to break free. Show Highlights What are trauma bonds and how do we recognize them? Plus, the two definitions of trauma bonds. (8:12) How trauma bonds are formed within long-term abusive partnerships. (9:07) The reason you can’t heal from trauma bonds on your own and why you don’t go to therapy with an abuser. (13:52) How to break free from a trauma bond. (21:40) The basics of what a healthy relationship should look like. (31:24) Learn More About Gwynn: Gwynn is a writer, Trauma Support Practitioner, Relational Systems Explorer and the creator of the Trauma Informed Embodiment™ modality. She specializes in complex (childhood, relational, & attachment based) traumas, grief, embodiment, and their intersections. She has written extensively over the last several years about many different types of trauma and the ways they impact our relationships. She offers online groups and programs periodically throughout the year, as well as works with individual clients via Zoom. Resources & Links:Gwynn on Instagram Gwynn on Facebook Gwynn’s newsletterGwynn’s Current Workshops and Offerings Rhian Lockard on Divorce Survival Guide Big Little LiesFAYR App The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Divorce comes with many harsh realizations. Once the dust starts to settle, lost friendships or friendships that no longer feel supportive can be the most painful realizations. What the hell happened to your friends? And how do you make new ones? My guest, Daniel Herrold, is the Co-Creator of DivorcedOver40, an online community that provides resources and real-life testimonials to divorcees over 40 years of age.  There are several aspects to Daniel’s story that are poignant, like his deep respect and commitment to his ex-wife (the woman who stayed home for many years raising their children), as well as the story of how he created a new community with people he’d never known before. It is my hope that by sharing stories such as Daniel’s, you’ll see what is possible after divorce. Sure, it may not always be rainbows and unicorns. But rebuilding a community is possible and can come pretty darn close to magical too. Show Highlights Why it’s important to surround yourself with people who are going through a divorce, who understand it, or who have been through it. (7:31) What happened to your friends? Some of the realities of friendship, including lost friendships, post-divorce. (8:12) Why should you focus on self-care, healing, and establishing that friendship group to help the healing process, instead of dating or thinking about your next partnership. (12:21) Daniel’s story of recognizing the opportunity cost of his ex-wife being a stay at home mom and what that meant for them post-divorce. (19:58) How to put resentment and emotional baggage aside and show up with integrity. (26:30) Why Daniel created DivorcedOver40, building a community of nonjudgemental peers. And why it is not a matchmaking site. (36:21) Learn More About Daniel: Daniel is the Co-Creator of DivorcedOver40, an online community that provides resources and real-life testimonials to divorcees over 40 years of age. Daniel is a resident of Tulsa, OK and has been divorced for nearly two years now and has three daughters. Resources & Links:DivorcedOver40DivorcedOver40 on Instagram DivorcedOver40 on FacebookSmart Dating Academy on YouTube The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sunday, January 3rd, was the start of peak dating season. To talk about how to harness the power of dating, my dear friend Bela Gandhi returns to the show. Bela is my go-to for all things dating advice and coaching. In fact, she gets the Divorce Survival Guide seal approval! There is no better time in your life to start thinking about dating than now. Bela breaks down some of the do's, don'ts, and how-tos for maneuvering through dating during peak season and beyond.  Show Highlights What is it about this time of year that makes you feel the pull to start dating? (5:10) Are there great partners out there? (6:22) How to screen people in and what that means. (9:48) Some dating advice for women who have recently exited a relationship with a toxic abuser. (13:17) All the love in the world will not change a Beast into a Prince. (18:51) If dating makes you excited, Bela shares how to harness the power of dating season, including some dating profile tips. (22:13) Some pandemic silver linings in the world of dating. (31:22) Learn More About Bela: Bela Gandhi is a dating/relationship expert, founder of Smart Dating Academy and a weekly media correspondent. She is a relationship expert and has been featured on most national/local media outlets.  After she graduated (with dual degrees in Finance and German from the University of Illinois in Urbana/Champaign), Gandhi worked in mergers and acquisitions for Arthur Andersen in Chicago for a year before joining her family's chemical and manufacturing company (CCC) as the, where she divided her time between Chicago and Europe helping to expand the business. When the Gandhi family sold its business to Akzo Nobel, she was asked to remain its leader, and became Akzo Nobel Non-Stick Coating’s Global Vice President of Housewares. But even as she quickly climbed the corporate ladder, Gandhi had a feeling that her career would one day be taking a sharp turn in a different direction – because she discovered her love of matchmaking and providing dating advice. She launched her Smart Dating Academy in 2009. Smart Dating Academy has quickly become one of the nation's top date coaching firms - and teaches busy, successful professionals to jump start their dating lives successfully. Smart Dating Academy is described by its clients “like going to Harvard Business School, but for dating and relationships”. SDA’s coaches become personal trainers for their clients’ love lives. The SDA coaching program is results-oriented and fun - which helps you to clarify who is right for you, stop old dating patterns, and use technology the RIGHT way. You become positive and enthusiastic about dating / relationships again! Its clients receive personalized dating plans, and essential training in how to meet high caliber singles, personal style, conversation, and online success. Resources & Links:Smart Dating Academy Bela on Instagram Bela on Facebook Bela on Twitter Smart Dating Academy on YouTube The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week I have another listener favorite episode for you on when to give up the authentic fight: I asked a friend who is going through a divorce what I should talk about in this week’s episode. He said I should talk about cravings.  And he offered what he meant by saying this, “Given the shit happening in the world, we turn to safety, fantasy, and imagination to numb our true selves and we give up the authentic fight.” How beautiful is that? There is so much happening in the world right now.  And my friend is right, we numb out as a way to escape. We numb with food, drinking, or shopping. When it comes to relationships, we numb out by fantasizing about other people; hoping they are the cure for a troubled marriage. Turning to other people, places, or things will not lead you to true fulfillment. Doing so simply covers up the pain, momentarily.  Succumbing to cravings is giving up the authentic fight.  What happens if you just sit still with all of the shit that is happening in your life; what if you gazed into all of your own holes and examined them for what they are? What if?  What might be possible for your relationship, for your marriage, or most importantly, for you? That’s what I am talking about this week on the podcast. I hope you tune in.  Here are just a few of the topics I touch on in this episode: Why marriage is not responsible for fulfilling you 100% Discernment work is so complex, but necessary The importance of recognizing your own ‘made-up’ stories and changing the narrative Today's episode is sponsored by Soberlink: Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind. The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system consists of a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines: Court-admissibility in all 50 states Facial recognition Tamper detection Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™ Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases. Kate Anthony on Instagram The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I am back after a month-long hiatus from the podcast. So where have I been? Well, I had COVID-19. Yup, it seems like I was 2020’s personal punching bag. In this episode, I tell you about my experience, how I caught it, and what happened to me. I also go into why letting your guard down, even just a little bit, is like gambling with your life. COVID is no joke.  If my story can save anyone else from getting this virus, I'm happy to share my experience. Thank you so much for hanging in with me, for all the support, emails, and the well-wishes. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.   I did want to share one note about the holidays and divorce: I know the holidays are a difficult time for many.  Keep the focus on your children. Do what's best for them, even if it means collaborating, coordinating, and doing the shopping for an ex who may be dropping the ball.   How it goes this year is not how it will go every year. This is a process. So if you're in some situation that's pissing you off, you can get through it, and you can make changes moving forward I’ll be back in January 2021 with new episodes, new content, and more. Until next time, sending my love.  Resources & Links:Kate Anthony on Instagram The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Doing the holidays and divorce — at the best of times — can be super complicated. Co-parenting during the holidays during a pandemic? What a shitshow, amiright? Well, it doesn’t have to be. This week, Michelle Dempsey-Multack joins me to offer tips and advice on how to handle the holidays during this crazy time. Michelle is a writer, coach, Certified Divorce Specialist (CDS®), and host of the Moms Moving On Podcast.  There is no guidebook for parenting during a pandemic. But through our conversation, we hope you find some insight, inspiration, and tips to help you move through the upcoming season with confidence and grace.  Show Highlights The shift in the divorce and co-parenting space and the role COVID-19 plays. (3:35) How to have an uncomfortable conversation that is non-threatening about making the holidays safe for your children. (8:49) Distinguish between the ex-partner who will balk about everything vs the ex-partner who is truthly concerned because they deem your actions as reckless. (12:06) Uncomfortable conversations lead to comfortable situations. (14:16) You can’t tell COVID to go away because it would make divorce easier. But COVID is forcing new divorcees to slow down post-divorce. (15:33) Some tips on how to handle the holidays as co-parents, including how to share or split holidays. (24:48) Make your goal about you, moving on in a healthy way and doing what is best for your children. (34:57) Creating new holidays and traditions for yourself, post-divorce. (35:10) Learn More About Michelle Dempsey: Michelle Dempsey-Multack is a writer, coach, Certified Divorce Specialist (CDS®) and host of the Moms Moving On Podcast. As a divorced, co-parenting, and remarried mother, nothing makes Michelle happier than being able to guide other women as they move on through the divorce process, and helping them turn their divorce lemons into lemonade - just like she did. A native New Yorker, Michelle now resides in Miami with her husband, Spencer, and each of their daughters, Bella and Jolie.  Resources & Links: Michelle’s website Michelle on Instagram Michelle on Facebook Mom’s Moving On Podcast Kate Anthony on Instagram The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Maneuvering through a divorce is tough. Co-parenting can be even tougher. Parenting a diagnosed or newly diagnosed child with ADHD or neurodiversity post-divorce, well, things can feel downright suffocating at times. This week on the podcast we’re talking about parenting a perfectly imperfect complex child in the midst of a divorce. My guest Elaine Taylor-Klaus is an author, parent educator, and certified coach. She’s the co-founder of ImpactADHD.com and co-creator of Sanity School®. When my son was diagnosed with ADHD, Elaine’s work truly impacted the way that I moved through my son's diagnosis, parenting, co-parenting with my ex, and everything that came after that.  Seriously. Elaine’s work was a lifesaver for me. Show Highlights Getting an ADHD diagnosis for your child. (4:20) Now that you know what you are dealing with, what happens next? (5:00) Moving from ‘fix-it’ mode to ‘understanding’. (8:29) How to deal when one partner in the co-parent has ADHD and you have a child diagnosed with ADHD too. (16:31) What to do when one parent is in denial about a diagnosis. (19:05) Steps to help empower your child to find control where they can and help them feel good. (20:26) Choose one thing to be important at a time and not try to do everything at once. (38:26) What to do when your co-parent partner is criticizing your way of parenting. (42:05) Learn More About Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Elaine Taylor-Klaus is an author, parent educator, and certified coach. The co-founder of ImpactADHD.com, co-creator of Sanity School® (an online behavior therapy program), and co-author of Parenting ADHD Now! Easy Intervention Strategies to Empower Kids with ADHD, she provides coaching, training, and support for parents of complex kids – and parents raising kids in complex times. Her newest book, The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids with ADHD, Anxiety and More was released in September. Elaine has served as a parent advisor for the American Academy of Pediatrics and on the national Board of Directors of CHADD. She is the mother in an ADHD++ family of six.  Resources & Links: Elaine’s website Elaine on Twitter Elaine on LinkedIn Elaine on Facebook Elaine on Instagram Bless Her Heart – She Just Doesn’t Understand ADHD (article) Kate Anthony on Instagram The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week I am sounding off about why I get political on my podcast, on social media, and in my work. The short answer: It’s because it matters and it’s all intertwined. America is extricating itself from a relationship with a toxic abuser. The same thing is being played out in so many marriages that I see.In this episode, I breakdown the intersection between politics and my work in women’s empowerment. I explore the similarities between Donald Trump and toxic partners, and why doing the work to remove yourself from such relationships is so important. Not just for you, but for your children, and for America. Show Highlights Why I talk about politics in my work. Consider where the power dynamic shifted in your relationship. Why you need to have a solid exit plan when leaving a toxic relationship. The importance of understanding and acknowledging privileges to support others who do not have the same privilege. Why it’s important to do the work and be an active participant in changing the systems and behaviors in your life.  Resources & Links:DSG Episode: Nobody is Entitled to Your Forgiveness Seduced Documentary National Domestic Violence Hotline. Support, resources and advice for your safety: TheHotline.org or call 800-799-7233Private Coaching with Kate AnthonyKate Anthony’s program Rooted Kate Anthony on Instagram The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week I am re-airing a listener favorite episode - Not Your F*cking Job. Want equal partnership? Let's start with not taking on impossible tasks -- and then being blamed for not being able to accomplish them. Listen to this episode for more! A few weeks ago, I posted in my Facebook group that I was going to write a flipbook called, Not Your Fucking Job. And it was going to be a very simple book about all the things that are not your fucking job to do for your spouse or partner. You know, things like: Helping him heal his childhood wounds?NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB. Teaching him how to be a good parent?NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB. Proving your worth or proving your love to him?NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB.Or keeping him from cheating on you?NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB. You get the idea.  Well, in this week’s episode I am going to go through about 8-10 scenarios of things that are not your fucking job and explain why you need to stop carrying allll of the weight in your relationship.   After you listen to this episode; if you realize you are doing these things, understand you are doing them out of some need to control. So what IS your job: to uncover why you’re doing these things and then work to fix it, for you — not for him or for anyone else, for you. Only in this way will you have a chance at healing your marriage, or having an amicable divorce. Here are just a few of the topics I touch on in this episode: Why it’s not your job to heal your partner’s childhood wounds  Allowing your partner to make mistakes and clean up his (or her) own messes A reminder that it is not your job to beg him to love you or treat you well Why it’s not your job to lose weight, gain weight, dye your hair or get a boob job in order to feel as though you are enough for someone. Only do these things if you WANT to, for you!  What IS your job in your relationship Resources & Links: ROOTED LIVE is coming! If you think you might want out of your marriage, but you can’t seem to find the courage to make a decision once and for all, and you’re scared you won’t have the strength to get through all that comes after you say those four words, "I want a divorce,” then ROOTED is 100% for you. ROOTED is my online coaching program which I will be taking LIVE in February. It’s designed to help you FIND YOUR STRENGTH, BUILD YOUR CONFIDENCE, AND STEP INTO YOUR POWER. Learn more here. Fed Up, Gemma HartleyCo-Dependent No More, Meldoy Beattie DSG Episode: NOW...he wants to go to therapy? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week I am re-airing a listener's favorite episode, The Power of Letting Go with Jill Sherer Murray. The episode aired right before the COVID-19 pandemic began. Since it feels like an entire year has passed since February, I thought I'd revisit some of my most popular episodes from early 2020. I'll be back with new episodes in November! Wouldn’t you just love the superpower of letting go? If so, you’re in luck! Jill Sherer Murray is a TEDx speaker and influencer, author, blogger, coach, and founder of Let Go For It®, a lifestyle brand dedicated to helping individuals let go for a better life. Jill is my guest on the podcast this week and she’s going to share all about harnessing the power of letting go. Yes, letting go can feel risky and downright scary. And, letting go is a challenge. Especially when you’re contemplating divorce or going through divorce. Jill said something pretty powerful during our time together, “If you figure out how to let go, you can find your way out of or to anything.” So today she’s going to share some ways that you can begin to move forward in your life. After all, this is your one wild and precious life. If you’re waiting for someone to give you permission to live it, you’re not gonna get it. You have to take permission to live it yourself. This includes permission to let go, permission to immerse yourself in self-love, and permission to live your life as you see fit.  Show Highlights How ending a 12-year relationship was eye-opening and transformational for Jill (6:15) What letting go truly is and the importance of acknowledging what you need to let go of before you can take action (14:36) We talk about a simple yet powerful exercise which walks you through the process of letting go (26:41) Why letting go is real freedom and how the act of self-love empowers us to act boldly (29:37) Where women struggle most when it comes self-love and letting go (36:33) When we don’t do the work, we are agreeing to let other people to decide what we have and what we don’t have (44:51) Let go of being so hard on yourself, let go of other people’s expectations, and let go of being afraid of what you truly want (50:03) Learn More About Jill: Jill Sherer Murray is a TEDx speaker and influencer, author, blogger, coach, and founder of Let Go For It®, a lifestyle brand dedicated to helping individuals let go for a better life. She is also an award-winning journalist and communications leader who can trace practically every success she’s had in her career, love life, and more to letting go.   Her TEDx talk, “The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go” has been viewed by almost two million people – and grows by the thousands each day. Her book, which comes out in May and is available for pre-order on Amazon and Indiebound, is called Big Wild Love: The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go. She wrote it in response to the countless numbers of viewers who’ve reached out to her for help and inspiration after seeing her TEDx talk.   Jill spent a year studying improvisation comedy at the famous Second City Training Center in Chicago. And another five years writing a popular blog called “Diary of a Writer in Mid-Life Crisis” for www.wildriverreview.com. She also let go of just about everything to put her weight in Shape Magazine—12 times—as part of a year-long assignment to document her weight loss journey for millions of readers.  Resources & Links: Jill’s website Jill on Facebook Jill on Instagram Jill on LinkedIn The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go TEDx A Special Gift from Jill: If you’re struggling like I was in a relationship, not sure whether to hold on or let go, take comfort in knowing that the truth inside you knows the answer. And I have something to help you crack that truth. It’s a simple exercise you can do in just 11 minutes. Get it here: https://bit.ly/31Z9G1U The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week we are talking about all things step-parenting. Tracy Poizner, the founder of the Essential Stepmom Podcast, joins me to explore this topic. Tracy and I discuss becoming a step-mom, how to prepare yourself if your ex-husband introduces a stepmother into your child’s life, and how to create an environment for your children to feel safe and loved within their newly formed blended family.  Show Highlights It can take up to seven years to settle into being a step-parent. (3:11) Some advice for women preparing to become a step-mom. (5:30) How to blend house rules between bio children and step-children. (15:05) So, there’s a new woman in your ex’s life: Tracy talks about how to prepare for this new situation of sharing your children with another woman. (26:03) Recognize this is a place of growth for you, love is not a finite thing - your children will never have less love for you because they have a step-mom in their life. (30:47) We discuss family constellation therapy and the orders of love. (32:00) Learn More About Tracy Poizner: Tracy is the host of the weekly Essential Stepmom podcast, heard in 54 countries worldwide where she offers unconventional advice and inspiration for The Womanly Art of Raising Someone Else's Kids. Having been a stepmom for 14 years and an alternative healthcare professional for over 20 years, she has a special perspective on emotional healing and how to meet our own personal needs as stepmoms in the everyday chaos of this challenging lifestyle. Tracy's blog is available at her website, essentialstepmom.com. Resources & Links: Tracy’s website Tracy on Facebook Tracy’s Private Facebook Group Tracy on Instagram Download Tracy’s 3 Secrets of Successful Stepmoms Kate Anthony on Instagram The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jessica Frew is the co-host of the podcast Husband In Law. Along with her husband and ex-husband, they share their stories of love, marriage, coming out, infidelity, divorce, and co-parenting. Jessica and her ex-husband were married for just over a year when he came to terms with the fact he was gay. They then remained married for another seven years. In this episode, Jessica shares her extremely unique and openly loving story of divorce.  Show Highlights Jessica’s unique and wonderful experience with divorce and co-parenting. (2:19) The boundaries shift with almost any co-parenting relationship. (4:32) Why it’s important to not compare your divorce with another. (6:15) Understanding your partner’s issues are not about you. (9:07) How has being an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has affected Jessica and her co-parenting relationship with her husband. (11:54) There is more freedom in personal responsibility. (23:36) Navigating religious culture in the face of divorce. (29:02) Learn More About Jessica Frew My ex-husband (Steve) and I were married for just over a year when he came to terms with the fact he was gay. We stayed married for another 7 years. We were happily married but there was a side of Steve that he needed to explore and be authentic to. When we divorced, we discussed how we wanted our divorce to look for ourselves and for our daughter. We have been able to stick to that plan. I have been remarried now for 6 years and have 2 step kids. My husband (Matt) and Steve get along as well. We do birthdays, family dinners, holidays, and vacations together. They even take our girls out on double dates. It is such a blessing. Matt's ex-wife does not like us, despite our efforts to have a good relationship with her. We have learned to set firm boundaries in order to protect ourselves and our children. I have learned so much about what it really means to be a stepmom. I have learned to let go of control to not take offense when mud is slung my way. It is a hard roll to find your place in because it is one you never expect to hold. Together my husband, ex-husband, and I are sharing our stories of love, marriage, coming out, infidelity, divorce, and co-parenting in our Podcast Husband in Law. We are doing this to help individuals view themselves and others in a new light so that they can see not only their own self-worth but also the worth of others. We are changing how people view themselves and others to create more understanding and stronger relationships.  Resources & Links: Connect with Jessica Jessica on Instagram Podcast Husband in Law  Jessica on Facebook The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When it comes to divorce and alcohol abuse, weaponizing the disease of alcoholism is the worst thing you can do — not only for the individual being accused but also for your children. Today, Chris Beck, VP of Soberlink, joins me for a discussion about how Soberlink is empowering co-parenting relationships and keeping families together — even after divorce. In this conversation, Chris and I take a deep dive into the alcohol monitoring system Soberlink and learn how it is used as an empowerment tool that helps build trust between divorcing parents. Soberlink allows you to have peace of mind that your children are safe while with your ex, while keeping communication lines open as well.  Show Highlights How the testing system works, and when to use it. (3:00) Why random testing may not be ideal in a custodial environment (6:00) What happens if there is a positive test during parenting time. (8:42) Soberlink is not a punitive or oppressive tool, it is a unifying tool. (10:00) Reducing the stigma of alcohol use. (13:25) How the results are tracked and how Soberlink works within the family law court system. (17:37) COVID-19 and how it’s affecting cases involving alcohol abuse. (23:06) Learn More About Chris Beck:Chris Beck is the VP of Business Development for Soberlink Healthcare. Chris’s primary responsibilities include working with Family Law Judges, Attorneys, and Health Care Professionals across the country to educate them on Soberlink’s modern approach to alcohol monitoring for Child Custody Cases. He has led over 25, 1-hour educational presentations and continues to find new opportunities to raise awareness around alcohol monitoring and child safety. Resources & Links: Soberlink Soberlink on Facebook Soberlink on LinkedIn Soberlink on YouTube Soberlink on Instagram Soberlink on Twitter The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We do ceremonies for many of life’s transitions - baby showers, weddings, and more. When one is faced with divorce, creating a ceremony isn’t something most consider doing. However, a divorce ceremony can help you emotionally and spiritually, and create an intention of how you want it all to go. And that is the topic of this week’s episode.  The Ceremonialist, Georgia Wall, joins me to discuss what the divorce ceremony process could look like and how ceremonies are a reverent and intentional act that brings us closer to our innermost sense of knowing, always with the aim of honoring our own humanity as well as the humanity of all people. We also discuss the various ways in which you can create a ceremony for yourself and work to cut the chords of the divorce process. I invite you to listen to this episode with an open heart and receive the possibilities of this spiritual wellness work.  Show Highlights How Georgia came to this work and what kind of ceremonies she helps to create. (6:43) Ceremonies for internal shifts, including acknowledging the painful parts of life and figuring out where you want to be. (7:50) Being intentional about what you are stepping into or stepping away from. (11:24) The various stages of divorce and the ceremonies that you can create - like one for finding clarity and one for the actual divorce. (19:53) The ceremony creation process and some of the deep insights uncovered. (20:22) When you name something (your divorce, your realization that you should go, or decision to stay) with intention, helps you to see all the places where your various thoughts and feelings exist. (33:12) Spiritual practices help you to set an intention. (37:47) Learn More About Georgia Wall: Georgia Wall is an artist, educator, and Ceremonialist based in New York City. She offers personalized ceremonies to individuals, groups & communities. Rather than adhering to a specific practice or lineage, Georgia "seeks to uncover the specific inner ceremony that an individual or a group carries within them -- the ceremony that is necessary and arising for the given moment, born from lived experience." She considers her practice of ceremony a process of co-creation with the people she works with. Georgia has created ceremonies to acknowledge and honor everything from births to deaths, to the more intimate rights of passage, like the end of a romantic relationship or a decision to have an abortion. Georgia describes a ceremony as "a reverent and intentional act that brings us closer to our innermost sense of knowing, always with the aim of honoring our own humanity as well as the humanity of all people" Resources & Links:Georgia’s website The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

My guest this week, Carrie Casden, has a really interesting approach to talking about money. In this episode, we are talking all about our relationship to money in the face of divorce. Carrie Casden is a business manager and financial coach. She coaches clients toward financial wellness and how to make smart fiscal decisions.  There's often a variety of emotions that come up when talking about or dealing with money. If you don't work on the feelings now, it's going to be much harder to stay on a budget during divorce.   Carrie helps us understand what it means to unpack our money stories. She helps us get to the heart of money issues and empowers us to make financial decisions for our future.  In fact, our conversation can be summed up as one about empowering women to take responsibility and control of their own financial security, stability, and futures. Show Highlights How to unpack and understand your relationship with money. (7:22) The difference between a conscious and subconscious relationship with money. (7:56) There's always sort of an emotion attached to money. (10:56) Money archetypes and why understanding your pattern will help you make money choices more wisely. (11:48) Money behaviors, and why we feel like it's an underutilized portion of friendship. (39:06) How to figure out which money archetype you are. (47:26) Learn More About Carrie Casden: Carrie Casden is a business manager and certified money coach at Summit Financial Management in West Los Angeles. She coaches clients across the United States towards financial wellness and helps them understand their conscious and subconscious relationship with money. She works with clients going through divorce and guides them through the sometimes overwhelming financial steps involved with ending one chapter and creating a new and more meaningful one. Resources & Links: Carrie on Instagram The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A huge realization for many women going through divorce is around the emotional abuse they’ve suffered in their marriage. In my program, we have an entire module dedicated to uncovering and understanding this, part of which is hosted by my guest today, Rhian Lockard.  Invariably, as women dive more deeply into the work of uncovering emotional abuse, they are struck with the question, “Wait, am I the abuser?”  This week, my friend and colleague Rhian Lockard returns to the podcast to help answer that very question. (Spoiler: if you’re asking the question, you’re not the abuser.) Rhian is a multi-certified life coach who specializes in supporting her clients out of toxic relationships with themselves and others. In this episode, Rhian helps us to understand the difference between being the abuser and being someone backed into a corner trying to save themselves from a very real threat.  Show Highlights If you are asking the question, “Am I the abuser?”, you’re not the abuser. (3:56) Someone who is emotionally abusive is seeking control from a relationship and not love or connection. (5:55) The fatal trait of a narcissist is that they want love but refuse to do the self-work. (16:02) Because you are not the abuser does not mean you don’t have toxic qualities. (18:03) How and why we start to behave in alignment with how our relationship is set up. (31:43) How do you get out of a toxic relationship? (35:39) Why you should go to therapy yourself, first. (41:48) How women can take back their innate sense of knowing. (48:14) Learn More About Rhian Lockhard: Rhian Lockard is a multi-certified life coach who specializes in supporting her clients out of toxic relationships with themselves and others.  Resources & Links:Rhian’s websites: Rhianlockard.com and Moonstonewitchery.com Rhian on Facebook Rhian’s previous appearance on The Divorce Survival Guide Rhian’s YouTube Video - Am I the Abuser? Look for Rhian's podcast - What Is Love? - on your favorite podcast streaming app!  The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week on the podcast, we’re talking about dating after divorce with Bela Gandhi. Bela has been called The Fairy Godmother of Dating by Steve Harvey, Harry Connick Jr. and The Huffington Post — so basically, she’s magic.  Bela is the founder of The Smart Dating Academy in Chicago, and has been helping people find lifelong love for over a decade. When I first got divorced, I could not wait to start dating!! Unfortunately, I wasn’t focused on dating for fun and experience. Instead, I was on a quest for my next husband! Needless to say, that did not go very well for me. #stillsingle When I look back at my dating experience post separation and divorce, I can say without hesitation that it was the biggest lesson in learning who I am in relationships. If you’re thinking about what dating after divorce will look like for you or about to start dating again, I encourage you to look at dating as an interesting and introspective process.  And to listen to whatever Bela tells you to do — that’s what I’m doing now! #projectfindkateahusband Show Highlights How to know when you’re ready to date and why making sure you are as healed as you can be following your divorce is so important. (7:47) If you haven’t worked on yourself first, you’ll run into the same relationship over and over again. (11:59) The difference between what happened in your past relationships and what you made up. (16:16) What has happened to the dating world because of COVID-19. (20:41) What are some of today’s rules of engagement for women coming out of marriages? (26:16) Some of the red flags of dating. (29:28) Dating with attention and awareness. (42:16) Smart Dating Academy: How Bela and her team work with clients. (46:09) Learn More About Bela Gandhi:Bela Gandhi is a dating/relationship expert, founder of Smart Dating Academy and a weekly media correspondent. She is a relationship expert and has been featured on most national/local media outlets.  After she graduated (with dual degrees in Finance and German from the University of Illinois in Urbana/Champaign), Gandhi worked in mergers and acquisitions for Arthur Andersen in Chicago for a year before joining her family's chemical and manufacturing company (CCC) as the, where she divided her time between Chicago and Europe helping to expand the business. When the Gandhi family sold its business to Akzo Nobel, she was asked to remain its leader, and became Akzo Nobel Non-Stick Coating’s Global Vice President of Housewares. But even as she quickly climbed the corporate ladder, Gandhi had a feeling that her career would one day be taking a sharp turn in a different direction – because she discovered her love of matchmaking and providing dating advice. She launched her Smart Dating Academy in 2009. Smart Dating Academy has quickly become one of the nation's top date coaching firms - and teaches busy, successful professionals to jump start their dating lives successfully. Smart Dating Academy is described by its clients “like going to Harvard Business School, but for dating and relationships”. SDA’s coaches become personal trainers for their clients’ love lives. The SDA coaching program is results-oriented and fun - which helps you to clarify who is right for you, stop old dating patterns, and use technology the RIGHT way. You become positive and enthusiastic about dating / relationships again! Its clients receive personalized dating plans, and essential training in how to meet high caliber singles, personal style, conversation, and online success. Resources & Links:Bela on Instagram Bela on FacebookBela on Twitter Visit Bela’s website and grab your copy of 7 Clues You're Dating A Narcissist The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Getting sober is a vulnerable process, but as this week’s guest’s book suggests, there is surprising magic in getting sober. Laura McKowen, author of We Are the Luckiest is here to talk about her journey to sobriety, getting comfortable with the uncomfortable, and making it through to the other side.   I’ve been on my own sobriety journey, and I'm still kind of early in the process. In this episode, you’ll hear how my story is completely different from Laura's, yet the feelings are so similar. If you’re not sober, if you're not struggling to get sober, or if you have no intention of ever getting sober, this episode (and Laura’s book) is still a great resource! The wisdom Laura shares during our conversation are applicable to every facet of life.  Show Highlights Laura shares openly about getting divorced in the midst of her sobriety journey. (4:53) Learning how to be in a relationship with someone without alcohol. (10:45) Why people-pleasing is a form of dishonesty and some of the other insidious ways that we're not honest with ourselves and those around us. (16:38) The pregnancy principle: what it is and why it matters. (39:45) In order for something new to grow there have to be boundaries. (23:36) How to let go of perfectionism. (40:01) Learn More About Laura McKowen:  Laura McKowen is the author of We Are the Luckiest. She is a former public relations executive who has become recognized as a fresh voice in the recovery movement. Beloved for her soulful and irreverent writing, she now leads sold-out yoga-based retreats and courses that teach people how to say yes to a bigger life. She hosted the iTunes Top 100 podcast HOME, with over 1.5 million downloads. and has been featured on the TODAY show, in the Guardian, New York Times, Web MD, and more.  Resources & Links: Laura’s website Laura on Facebook Laura on Instagram   Laura on Twitter Laura on Pinterest  The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week on the show, we have a woman who has been crowned The Fairy Godmother of Divorce by the New York Post! Nicole Noon, Esq. is a nationally recognized divorce expert and pioneer of divorce funding. And she's super cool.   So what is divorce funding? It’s very much like getting an advance so that you can afford to go through your divorce. If you’ve decided it is time to leave your marriage, but are stuck due to finances, then divorce funding might help you move forward. Nicole helps us understand what it is and how it can help women get through financial hurdles.  Show Highlights Divorce funding, what it is and how it can help. (4:00) Some of the ways in which you can use the funds. (8:47)) Securing a divorce fund and the process from start to finish. (10:00) How having your credit destroyed by your husband can affect your ability to apply for and get funds. (11:28) The logistics of divorce funding, including how to access the money, terms for paying it back, and more. (21:00) Some resources for women who can't afford to go the usual divorce route. (26:00) Learn More About Nicole Noonan, Esq.:  Nicole Noonan, Esq., CEO of New Chapter Capital Inc., specializes in divorce funding. She formerly served as President of Novitas US. She is a nationally recognized divorce expert and pioneer of divorce funding. Crowned the “Fairy Godmother of Divorce” by the New York Post. Recognized by New York Magazine as New York’s Women Leader’s in the Law 2014. She has been seen on Good Morning America, Bloomberg TV, WLNY’s “The Couch” and WPIX. She also been featured in The Huffington Post’s Women in Business, American Banker, The Economist, Forbes Magazine, Fortune Magazine, and The New York Times  Resources & Links: Nicole’s website  Nicole on InstagramNicole on LinkedInNicole on Facebook  Nicole on Twitter The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When the Black Lives Matter movement rose up more powerfully than ever in the wake of the murder of George Floyd, I checked in with the Black women in my Facebook group to see how they were doing.  Obviously, they weren’t doing too well. But one thing they were struggling with surprised me: the guilt they felt around leaving Black men in the midst of this rise in racial tension. Because the Black women in my group are all too aware of the trauma that Black men carry on their backs, simply by virtue of being Black men in America, and would leave them now traumatize them in some even deeper way? Most women feel guilty for leaving their husbands on some level. Most of us are even keenly aware of the trauma that our partners live with that impact many of the issues in our marriages. But the guilt Black women feel is something else entirely. The trauma Black men live with by virtue of being Black in America is something that most of us can only begin to fathom. In order to break down this topic (and a few more!) I turned to my friend Dana Michelle Davenport, Esq, who is a Black woman, an attorney, and a divorced mom! In this episode, we discuss how the world’s current events are impacting our diverse population and what COVID-19 is teaching us about how we look at and live our lives. Show Highlights Black women tend to put themselves last, Dana offers some insightful advice on managing your own priorities and values, and not to feel guilty about it. (10:51) You don’t know what kind of co-parent you are until you are one and you don’t know what kind of co-parent you married until you divorce. (21:31) You will carry the same baggage into your next relationship if you don’t deal with it and work through it. (23:00) If your partner is not supportive of your dreams or growth and tries to squash them, this is just one RED flag that you are not where you are supposed to be. You have to stand up for you! (38:00) We discuss toxic energy and projection, and how it can affect you. (40:00) Part of growth is not being afraid of failure. (44:00) Learn More About Dana Michelle Davenport, Esq.: Dana Michelle is the host of radio and television talk shows Dana Being Dana, new television show Finding Common Ground and Co-founder and Director of The Homecoming Challenge, a non-profit alumni giving campaign. A full-time practicing attorney and mother of two, Dana Michelle divorced in 2015 and unleashed a new lease on life.   Resources & Links: Our Happy Divorce weekly lives / weekly live archived episode with Dana Dana’s website Dana Being Dana Finding Common Ground Dana on Facebook Dana on Instagram Dana’s Homecoming Challenge The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Kundalini Yoga provides you the chance to be more introverted, relate more to your subtle nature, heal your inner wounds, and navigate your intuition system. When you check-in with your intuition, as Kundalini helps you to do, you inherently get answers to some of your deepest, most difficult questions, including, “Should I stay or should I go?” As we enter the final week of sex and intimacy month, I am talking with Libby Lydecker about Kundalini Yoga, and how it can help awaken your intuition and help you lead a more intimate life. We also discuss sexual alchemy, including what it is (it’s more than just about sex) and how to harness it. Libby Lydecker (aka Dya Kaur) is a Kundalini Yoga teacher of 13 years, a Spiritual Life Coach, a conscious Sexuality Podcaster, and an International Retreat Leader. In this episode, she helps us to understand just how powerful women can be when they do the inner work and bring out their power from within.  Show Highlights What is Kundalini Yoga and how it differs from other forms of yoga (5:00) You can’t give your power away to anyone else, fixing yourself is inner work. (14:00) Addiction recovery and Kundalini Yoga. (22:06) How Kundalini can be used to heal divorce trauma and how it provides an eagle-eye perspective to help you move through it. (27:17) Every woman carries a ferocious power within them, waking up into that power is the way we will transform ourselves and society. (35:15) There is nothing wrong with justifiable anger, but Kundalini asks you to consider what you can do with that anger? (38:00) Sexual Alchemy, what it is and how we can harness it. (39:46) Feeling sexually confident at any age and why it is your birthright to experience sexual pleasure. (51:38) How to invite men into the healed power of a woman. (54:00) Learn More About Libby Lydecker: Libby Hudson Lydecker aka Dya (pronounced Daya) Kaur (like car) is a Kundalini Yoga teacher of 13 years, a Spiritual Life Coach and a conscious Sexuality Podcaster (Sexual Alchemy with Dya Kaur) and International Retreat Leader. Through the technology of Kundalini Yoga, and conscious self authorized empowerment, she helps guide her students and clients to find their solutions from within. Our best answers are found when we give our higher self space and freedom from the clutter of our conditioning and social prescriptions.  Resources & Links: Libby’s website Libby on Facebook Sexual Alchemy with Dya Kaur on Instagram  Libby on LinkedIn  Kate on Sexual Alchemy with Dya Kaur The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you ready to take your sexy back? As we enter another week of sex and intimacy month on the podcast, I am bringing you one of my favorite people to talk to about sex and relationships, Dr. Alexandra Solomon. Dr. Solomon is the author of the books Loving Bravely: Twenty Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want and Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want. She is also a clinical assistant professor at Northwestern University and a licensed clinical psychologist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University.  In this episode, we talk about the various ways women can reclaim their sexuality after divorce. We discuss the importance of attaching sexuality to oneself as opposed to someone else, shifting the way we teach and talk about sex, and how being vulnerable can aid in sexual healing. Divorce can leave you feeling broken and unsexy, but you really can own your sexuality and create the life you desire -- even in midlife! Show Highlights What prompted Dr. Alexandra to write “Taking Sexy Back,” and how it stresses the importance of reclaiming your sexuality. (3:00) Attaching sexuality to ourselves rather than to someone else. (5:59) Changing and shifting the way we teach sex education. (8:00) How the patriarchy has impacted women's sexual ownership and sexual power. (13:46) The spectrum of sexual coercion and manipulation. (20:00) Risk, trust, self-compassion, and consent. (29:05) How couples can navigate desire discrepancy. (36:02) How to talk about sex safely with your partner, when it doesn't feel that safe. (45:00) Learn More About Dr. Alexandra SolomonDr. Alexandra Solomon is a clinical assistant professor at Northwestern University and a licensed clinical psychologist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University. She is the author of Loving Bravely: Twenty Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want (New Harbinger, 2017) and Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want (New Harbinger, 2020). She writes articles and chapters for leading academic journals and books in the field of marriage and family and is a regular contributor at Psychology Today. You can connect with Dr. Solomon at DrAlexandraSolomon.com. Resources & Links: DrAlexandraSolomon.comLoving Bravely: Twenty Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships Dr. Alexandra Solomon on InstagramDr. Alexandra Solomon on FacebookDr. Alexandra Solomon on TwitterDr. Alexandra Solomon on LinkedIn The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When we’re talking about marriage, sex is an important topic. So in the month of July, we are talking ALL about sex and intimacy. I’m kicking off the month with Dr. Joe Kort. Dr. Joe is a Licensed Sex and Relationship Therapist who is trained in Sex Therapy and Imago Relationship Therapy (you know I love my Imago peeps!). Dr. Kort specializes in working with sexual dysfunction, relationship concerns, and with individuals identifying as LGBTQ and presenting issues. Something I see a lot in my work is when someone gets caught cheating, and then they claim to be a sex addict. One of the reasons I wanted to talk with Dr. Joe was to ask him, “What is a sex addict?” Dr. Joe shares why he thinks there is no such thing as sex addiction and what he sees within his work instead. We also explore whether or not porn is a sexual health crisis, how to negotiate erotic differences, and maneuvering through a mixed-orientation relationship.  Some deep stuff here, folks! Show Highlights There is a difference between sex addiction therapy and sex therapy - not all therapists are created equal. (9:00) Why the term sex addiction boxes people in. (12:00) How to broach the subject of porn, open-relationships, and other vulnerable conversations about sex. (15:14) How erotic orientation differs from sexual orientation. (20:00)  Is porn a sexual health crisis? (23:22) Negotiating erotic differences with your partner and having erotic empathy. (34:09)  How you can recover from infidelity. (36:00) Learn More About Dr. Kort:Dr. Joe Kort is a Licensed Sex and Relationship Therapist. He is trained in Sex Therapy and Imago Relationship Therapy. Dr. Kort specializes in working with sexual dysfunction, relationship concerns, and with individuals identifying as LGBTQ and presenting issues. He is the author of four books: 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Improve Their Lives, 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Find Real Love, LGBTQ Clients in Therapy: Clinical Issues and Treatment Strategies, and Is My Husband Gay, Straight, or Bi?: A Guide for Women Concerned about Their Men. Dr. Kort is a blogger for Psychology Today. He is also the Co-Director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes’ LGBTQIA Affirmative Therapy Certification and the Couples and Sex Therapy Certification Programs. He works with Modern Sex Therapy Institutes to provide Certification trainings including Sex Therapy Certification and continuing education to mental health and medical professionals around the world. He also has a podcast, www.SmartSexSmartLove.com. His website is www.JoeKort.com  Resources & Links: Dr Kort’s websiteDr. Kort’s on TwitterDr. Kort’s on Facebook Kate on Dr. Joe’s Podcast The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, Dr. Elizabeth Cohen and I discuss how to cope when your partner has an active addiction. Underneath everything you are going through, there is so much fear and a lack of belief in yourself. Everything about a divorce is uncomfortable. Dr. Elizabeth Cohen helps people get a little more comfortable with something so painful. When you’re living with or divorcing a partner who has an active addiction, you may find yourself acting out different behaviors like the need to control every situation. You may become (or already be!) codependent, and you focus on their healing instead of your own. When you finally take the focus off of them and towards yourself you can begin to see light at the end of what may be a very dark tunnel. Show Highlights When women share themselves openly and honestly, the world begins to split open. (9:21) Focusing on your growth and healing is how we change the world — and our circumstances. (11:06) The issue with wanting to control a situation while being in denial about what the real problem is. (17:21) Sublimating your own needs for someone else. (23:00) Breaking the cycle of codependency. (24:15) The core issue about a person abusing any substance is the difficulty sitting with emotions. (34:41) A partner should never be responsible for healing the other. (38:36) Some advice for those who are living with an active addict. (47:33) Learn More About Dr. Cohen:Dr. Cohen is the CEO and founder of the online divorce course and membership Afterglow: The Light at the Other Side of Divorce. This 14 week course teaches women how to heal, grow and thrive after divorce no matter how difficult the process has been. Dr. Cohen offers a monthly membership program to provide 1:1 coaching, expert support from divorce professionals and an engaged community of like-minded people. Dr. Cohen received her PhD in clinical psychology from Boston University. She was the recipient of the prestigious American Psychological Foundation Research Award for her doctoral research. She has been featured on the Tamron Hall Show, the Wall Street Journal, NBC News, Women’s Health, Huff Post, Thrive Global, Daily Beast and Good Housekeeping. Dr. Cohen is a weekly contributor to Psychology Today with her “Divorce Course” column.  Resources & Links: Dr. Cohen’s website Dr. Cohen on Instagram Facebook The Divorce Doctor- Elizabeth Cohen,PhD 14 Day Step-By-Step Guide To Make Any Tough Decision While Going Through Divorce  3 Steps to Take Right Now for A Stress Free Divorce  Our Happy Divorce Livestream, Drugs, Alcohol, and Divorce with Kate and Elizabeth The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I am excited to bring you my interview with my dear friend, Wendy Sterling. Wendy and I are talking about healing and reclaiming ownership of your voice and identity after divorce. Wendy is a Divorce Recovery Specialist, a certified life coach, writer, author, and speaker who founded The Divorce Rehab™.  Wendy and I are book-ends when it comes to divorce and coaching. I work with women before their divorce, and Wendy works with women after divorce and helps them build their life back up.  In this episode, we discuss the idea that divorce can be an empowering experience. Yes, it’s emotional and downright hard. And, when we get to the heart of the matter - divorce is a breakdown.   But to get to the breakthrough, you have to sit through the breakdown first.  I hope that this episode is a reminder to allow yourself to experience the pain and work to get to the other side. Because it may just be the best thing to ever happen to you.  Show Highlights Wendy’s story of divorce and the realization that divorce can be an empowering experience. (3:59) Comparing your relationship to other relationships is unhealthy and unnecessary. (14:01) When Wendy’s marriage was over, she realized she no longer needed to continue doing things that didn’t fulfil her. (19:09) Why you should get curious about what is coming up when you are working to find your voice and identity. (24:27) What inspires Wendy to do the work she does with divorced women. (28:11) The Divorce Rehab™ - a five-step process that focuses on using tough love to move through the pain and fear of divorce more quickly than if you do it alone. (33:11) Learn More About Wendy: Wendy Sterling is a Divorce Recovery Specialist, a certified life coach, writer, author and speaker who founded The Divorce Rehab™. Wendy helps divorced women recover from their divorce by remembering who they are and what they are capable of by ending their pity party, mourning their marriage and MOVING FORWARD with dignity to see how much better life is afterwards. She believes divorce can be an empowering experience that women go through to find their true identity and voice to create the life they want instead of the life they feel stuck with. Wendy is a graduate from UCLA and a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach (CPCC) from The Co-Active Training Institute. She is also an Associate Certified Coach (ACC) through International Coach Federation. Wendy is a divorced, single mom who transformed her own life from Corporate America employee to entrepreneur and currently lives in Sherman Oaks, CA with her two boys and dog.  Resources & Links: Wendy’s website Wendy on Facebook Wendy on Instagram Free 15-minute Divorce Recovery Call The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today, Kimberly Nelson, Financial Advisor, CFA®, and CDFA comes back to the podcast to discuss financial resources and strategies to help you maneuver through divorce and debt during COVID-19. The global pandemic has created an uncertain financial time for many. Instability in employment and, directly related, instability in spousal or child support you may be receiving, are just two of the financial concerns those going through divorce face.And holy cow, it’s a lot to process. Going through a divorce during this extra tumultuous time adds a layer of complexity to everything. Kimberly walks us through how to manage your debt, your finances, and what to do if/when you lose financial support from your ex or stbx due to his or her loss of income.  She also leaves us all with this reminder: There is no shame when it comes to your finances and COVID-19; nationally we are all dealing with this.  *Please note this episode was recorded on 5/21/20. While advice is still relevant, listeners are encouraged to consider that the COVID-19 pandemic is creating an environment that changes rapidly, and new announcements, rules, regulations, etc. continue to evolve. Show Highlights What to do if you receive spousal or child support and are no longer receiving it due to your ex-spouse’s change in income due to COVID-19.  (6:00) How to prepare for a drop in income. (13:00) If you have a pending divorce, keep debt lines separate. Plus, some other strategies for when you are carrying a lot of debt. (16:00) The different types of debt - revolving debt vs. installment debt. (19:00) The benefits and disadvantages of refinancing. (21:00) Rent and eviction moratoriums. (27:32) Kimberly answers the question: Are any of the financial programs available during COVID-19 available to those who may have been unemployed prior to the pandemic? (31:00) What you should know about auto loans and student loans. (33:00) Why you should have all agreements - between you and your ex - in writing. (41:00) Negative interest rates - what they are and why they are used. (53:53) Learn More About Kimberly:Kimberly has been working with high net worth divorcees in the LA area for more than 15 years. She understands the challenges women face when navigating an overwhelming bevy of attorneys, accountants, insurers, and other advisors during the dissolution process. Kimberly’s team at Coastal Bridge Advisors prides itself on its ability to organize all the advisory elements in a coordinated manner and ensure that the advice their clients receive is clear, constant, and in the best interest of the family or individual. Resources & Links: Coastal Bridge Advisors Kimberly on LinkedIn The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week I am sharing the story of Miry Whitehill, a divorcee who founded the non-profit organization Miry’s List. During a painful time in her marriage, Miry found herself in a spot where she could help a refugee family who just arrived in the United States. Today, she shares how volunteering and starting Miry’s List filled her life with gratitude and love, which she had lost so long ago.  MIry’s story is one of self-reflection, growth, and compassion - for herself, for her sons, and the community. At a pivotal moment in her life, she asked herself, “What if today I am going to see myself the way the world sees me and not the way one person sees me?” And that was the day Miry decided she was going to live life on her terms.  Show Highlights Why the refugee experience is not one built on informed consent. (12:18) The survive, hive, and thrive phases of Miry’s List. (16:10) The story of how Miry’s List began, her battle with Postpartum Depression, and her deteriorating marriage. (18:27) Turning the idea of seeing divorce as a failure into realizing life in a bad marriage would be the failure. (38:51) How Miry began to support herself - a former stay-at-home mom - after her divorce. (53:58) Learn More About Miry:In July 2016, Miry Whitehill founded Miry’s List, a nonprofit helping families resettling in America as refugees get the support they need to start over by connecting them with their new American neighbors. As Executive Director, she’s had the opportunity to learn about refugee resettlement through the eyes of the families we work with. She has spoken at universities, companies of all sizes, schools, and nonprofit organizations helping people learn about how the refugee resettlement system in America works, how it feels for families, and how they can help.  She is the mother of two boys and is passionate about helping people of all ages and abilities become better neighbors. With a background in digital marketing and video advertising, Miry has a thorough understanding of digital and social media, how to create impact using crowdsourcing, and how to turn your life’s passion into a movement. Resources & Links: World Refugee Day Miry’s List The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

“If you think what’s going on all across the U.S. doesn’t have anything to do with what’s going on inside your marriage, you’re dead wrong.” That’s a line from one of my recent Instagram posts about this week’s podcast topic.  So what do racism and systemic racism (AKA white supremacy) have to do with your marriage, exactly? The same systems that are oppressing and killing black men right now, this entire system of white male supremacy, is the exact same system that we are fighting against in dismantling the patriarchy. And that has everything to do with your marriage. In this episode, I explain how and why in detail. Here's the thing: I decided to just turn on the microphone and address these topics head-on. And as a white woman, with my own implicit biases and blind spots, I may have gotten things wrong. And that's ok. I'm willing to listen and learn and pivot. I almost didn't release this episode because I was scared to get it "wrong." But then I realized that that very thought/feeling was part of my own white fragility. This fear is what silences so many white people, and it's our silence that has allowed this to go on for as long as it has. White people need to speak up. We need to be willing to step in it, and when we get called out for getting something "wrong," we need to say, "Thank you. I hear you," to those who've taken the time to educate us. We don't need to be defensive, or work overtime to prove that we're an "ally." An ally says "thank you," and digests what's been said by the very people we're purporting to support. Bottom line: we need to pull this poisonous weed of white supremacy up at its root. Let’s get to work. Resources & Links:Anti-racism resources Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Though their marriage has been over for nearly a decade, Ben Heldfond and Nikki DeBartolo still share a happy life with their son Asher and their spouses and children.  As we continue Parenting Month on The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast, Ben and Nikki join me to discuss their happy divorce story. Yes, happy. There is no villain in their story. As you’ll hear in this episode, they came to a spot in their divorce where they took accountability for their actions and worked together to create a new life for their separated family.  If you’re thinking, "This could never happen to me," I’d like to offer a word of caution: please don't compare where you're at in the divorce process with Ben and Nikki's journey. Instead, use their story as inspiration. We hope that you end up in a place where you see a happy divorce as something you can work to achieve. Show Highlights The red flags that came up on their wedding day, about getting married. (12:20) The story of their divorce, how it went from what looked like an ugly divorce to one of agreement and solace. (14:52) Divorce doesn't screw up kids. It's how we do our divorces. (20:39) We all take responsibility; we both have to take responsibility for our parts. (30:18) Ben and Nikki' s negative experience going to divorce class. (36:06) Advice for those getting divorced who may not be in the same place as Ben and Nikki, what you can do if you are on one side of divorce and not being met on that side by your partner. (53:50) New relationships after divorce, Ben and Nikki got their new significant others on board with your unique link. (57:40) Learn More About Ben and Nikki:From weeknight dinners and homework sessions to Christmas card photos and vacations, Nikki and Ben have created a tight-knit, enviable family. They work and play well together, from the smallest daily tasks to the biggest life events—and it only took a divorce to get them there. Though their marriage has been over for nearly a decade, they still share a happy life with each other and their son Asher, along with their spouses and children. Resources & Links: Our Happy Divorce WebsiteOur Happy Divorce on FacebookOur Happy Divorce on InstagramOur Happy Divorce on TwitterMy Band was Featured on The Voice - Watch! Eagle Rock Isolation Band The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week Christina McGhee, a divorce parenting expert whose practical advice has been highlighted both online and in print, is on the show. She is also the author of Parenting Apart, a book for divorced or separated parents. Christina is helping me kick off Parenting Month and I couldn’t think of anybody better to do so! She is an advocate for keeping the focus on kids even during the most emotional and tumultuous time of your life — divorce.  Co-parenting through a divorce is, for most of us, uncharted territory. We don't know what to expect. We’re dealing with so many strong emotions that it's not an easy road to navigate — even under the best of circumstances. In this episode, Christina provides some insightful advice and guidance for divorced or separated parents who wish to keep the focus on family, even after the marriage ends.  Show Highlights How to maneuver parenting after divorce, and putting yourself first. (7:00) How you can move forward in the best possible way and have happy, secure, resilient kids. (21:00) Watch your messaging: you are sending a really powerful message to your kids about what they should expect out of a relationship. (22:00) How to bring the best version of who you are to your job as parents. (26:07) What to do if your ex is resisting a co-parenting relationship or plan. (32:00)  Developing a guiding principle for when things get tough. (48:00) What to do when your child tries to play both sides of the co-parenting fence. (49:00) Learn More About Christina McGhee:Christina McGhee is a “media savvy” divorce-parenting expert whose practical advice has been highlighted both online and in print. Over the years, she has been featured on television, radio, podcasts, tele-summits and webinars. Some of the places you may have seen her are, Today Parents, Parenting Magazine, The Times, Channel 4, the BBC, NYU Doctor Radio and The Dr. Laura Berman Radio Show on the Oprah Network just to name a few. Christina is an informative and engaging guest who brings insight and strategies to help separating families deal with “real-life” challenges. As a zealous advocate for children she does an excellent job of keeping the focus where it belongs…on kids. Christina speaks on a wide range of topics from what to do in the beginning stages of separation to dealing with issues years down the road. She is also skilled at addressing tough issues like discipline differences, dealing with a difficult ex, high-conflict personalities, badmouthing, and neutralizing divorce drama. Resources & Links: Christina’s website Christina on Facebook Parenting Apart by Christina McGhee The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week I’m bringing you a solo episode, and I’m talking all about negative intimacy and forgiveness. First, let’s talk about negative intimacy. In a nutshell, negative intimacy is the continuation of unhealthy dynamics of your marriage long into your divorce — something I engaged in for about five years post-divorce! In this episode, I offer some questions to ask if you think you’re in a negatively intimate relationship with your ex or soon-to-be-ex, such as: “What is the connection you are trying to keep alive?”Understanding why you’re seeking this connection and then moving on from it is all part of the letting go process. Letting go happens over time, and often in waves. And it is a process. Extricating yourself from past relationship patterns is where the real divorce happens.  I also sound off on the difference between forgiveness and resentment. And, know this, you don’t have to forgive someone. However, you should work through and process your resentments. Listen in, reach out if you need guidance, and stay well!  Show Highlights How to hold your boundaries and you shift the relationship dynamic. Why negative intimacy typically revolves around your children. You don’t HAVE to forgive someone.  Why you should process through your resentments.  A Mother’s Day message reminder - ask for what you need. Resources & Links: Me in the New York Times! Podcasts Inspired by Love and Relationships The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week Erin Levine, entrepreneur, legal innovator, and Certified Family Law Specialist, joins me on the podcast. She’s here to help close out Legal Month. (Don’t worry, I'll surely be revisiting legal topics in the future!) Erin is the founder of Hello Divorce, a modern breakup service, offering affordable, convenient, and online divorce options. I'm thrilled to have Erin on the show. Most of the world is in some form of lockdown right now. It feels like life is at a standstill for many. As I discussed a few weeks ago, you may be stuck and isolated with the person you have either asked for a divorce or were in the midst of divorce proceedings already.  So, now what? Do all the legal proceedings and preparation stop? Well, no.  In fact, in this episode, Erin shares several divorce planning strategies you can do while in the middle of a global pandemic. You can keep moving forward, even during times of uncertainty. In fact, the actions you take today can help you to feel empowered. Times feel scary and anxious right now, but you can still gain power, grow, and stretch yourself in meaningful, new ways.  Show Highlights Be aware of divorce legal companies' scams or misrepresentations. (7:11) How to know whether you should pause divorce proceedings or continue to move forward during a pandemic. (9:14) Now is an excellent time to reflect: Sometimes we need to sit back, take a deep breath, look at the facts and decide: was the settlement proposal previously made in my best interest? (11:00) If you don’t have anything hammered out, it’s important to put a temporary order in place, even just to get you through this period. (12:47) Get organized: see what it is you have, what you don't have, and what you need to get in order. (14:00) Get educated: what do you need to do in your state, and what does the entire divorce procedure look like where you’re located? (16:00) Meet with a legal coach or a certified divorce financial analyst. (22:00) How to know when you should slow the process down and take a break. (30:11) Learn More About Erin Levine:Erin Levine is an entrepreneur, legal innovator, and Certified Family Law Specialist. She is the founder and CEO of Levine Family Law Group and Hello Divorce, a “modern breakup service” offering an affordable, convenient, and online divorce option. Erin is also the co-founder of Love & Real Life, a platform designed to empower women by helping them to craft postnuptial and prenuptial agreements that comport with their values and way of life. Her awarding winning legal technology and access to justice work has been recognized by the legal industry and beyond – with recent features in Above the Law, Forbes, Entrepreneur, Ozy, Brit + Co, and Mind Body Green.   Resources & Links: Erin’s websiteErin on InstagramErin on Twitter Erin on PinterestErin on FacebookErin on LinkedIn The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Last week we talked about mediation with Susan Guthrie. This week, as we continue Legal Month on the pod, we’re exploring the concept of Collaborative Divorce with Andrea Vacca. Andrea Vacca is the owner of Vacca Family Law Group, a law firm in Manhattan that focuses exclusively on non-adversarial divorce and family law matters.    Andrea describes Collaborative Divorce as a team approach to divorce. And it is a legal process. The process includes creating a roadmap for your divorce and specifically details the jobs for each member of the team, including: How you will be working together The need for transparency and honesty How the process will come to an end When you’re getting divorced, you’re looking to the adults in the room to help you through it. Many times, the adults are litigators who are committed to an adversarial process. When that’s the case, they may not be looking for what’s best for you or your family.  And here’s the thing: just because your marriage is ending, your family can remain intact. It may look different, but it doesn’t have to be fraught with anxiety, or animosity.   Collaborative Divorce offers a way to bring respect to the divorce process and work with professionals who model the behavior you wish to express. In the end, everyone’s going to be better off; you, your spouse, and most importantly, your children.   Show Highlights Collaborative Divorce - what the hell is it? (7:37) The difference between mediation and Collaborative Divorce (10:25) How Andrea came to work in Collaborative Divorce (11:00) Collaborative colleagues offer a different mindset to divorce (21:00) How to know whether you should meditate or do Collaborative Divorce (15:26) Andrea shares the story of her parents’ divorce and how it affected her family (30:04) How to start a conversation about Collaborative Divorce with your spouse (40:00) What is positive psychology and how it plays into Andrea’s work as a Collaborative professional (43:16) Collaborative Divorce can help high-conflict couples through the divorce process (48:00) Learn More About Andrea Vacca:Andrea Vacca is the owner of Vacca Family Law Group, a law firm in Manhattan that focuses exclusively on non-adversarial divorce and family law matters.    After practicing traditional, litigation-focused family law for many years, Andrea’s firm now works only with clients who want to keep their divorces out of court and want their prenuptial and postnuptial agreements negotiated in a non-adversarial manner.    Andrea regularly lectures, writes and blogs on the topics of collaborative law, mediation, and topics related to non-adversarial family law.  In addition to having a B.A. and J.D, Andrea also has a Certificate in Positive Psychology and regularly applies what she has learned to help her clients navigate their divorces, including having a growth mindset, being resilient and encouraging mindfulness.  Andrea is the author of the recently published ebook Divorce Without Court: A More Peaceful Solution and is a co-author of the book, Onward & Upward: A Guide For Getting Through New York Divorce & Family Law Issues.   Resources & Links: Andrea’s websiteAndrea on LinkedInAndrea on Facebook Andrea on Instagram Andrea on YouTube Andrea’s Blog Sign up for Andrea’s ebook, “Divorce Without Court” and my monthly newsletter  The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

April is legal month on The Divorce Survival Guide podcast. Today, one of my favorite people on the planet returns to the show. Susan Guthrie joins me to talk about mediation and divorce. Susan is a nationally recognized Top Family Law and Mediation Attorney, and has been helping individuals and families navigate separation and divorce for 30 years.  When it comes to your impending divorce, if you have children, you and your spouse are going to be tethered to each other for the rest of your lives. Litigation is often the default choice for divorce, and with it comes animosity, anger, and bitterness.  What do you want your future to look and feel like? You can be bitter and angry, but who gets stuck in the middle? Your children.  Mediation allows for you and your soon-to-be-ex to choose to work together to restructure your family or relationship going forward. You have an opportunity to share information, identify the issues you need to discuss, and get help from your mediator. Mediation offers you the opportunity to advocate for you and your family, and sets the foundation for a lifetime of collaboration.  Show Highlights Susan explains exactly what mediation is and why it works well for many families (9:24) We discuss some myths and benefits of mediation (13:00) In mediation, the only people making decisions are you and your spouse (17:00) What to do when your spouse doesn’t want to consider mediation, including knowing what motivates your spouse and why mediation suits their motivating factors (28:00) Susan’s online mediation process and how it works (36:00) Mediation can be used for high-conflict divorce cases too, such as domestic violence cases (42:00) Learn More About Susan Guthrie:Susan Guthrie, nationally recognized as one of the Top Family Law and Mediation Attorneys in the country, has been helping individuals and families navigate separation and divorce for 30 years. Susan has a fully online practice and provides online divorce mediation and legal coaching services to select clients around the world. As a leading dispute resolution professional, Susan is honored to serve on the Executive Council of the American Bar Association’s (ABA) Section of Dispute Resolution as the Membership Officer and to be a Co-Chair of the Section’s Mediation Committee. Susan is also one of the leading experts in online mediation in the country and trains other professionals in the practical and ethical considerations of conducting their mediations online through her business Learn to Mediate Online (www.learntomediateonline.com) Susan is the creator and host of the iTunes top podcast, The Divorce & Beyond Podcast (www.divorceandbeyondpod.com) and recently launched The Learn to Mediate Online Podcast (www.learntomediateonline.podbean.com) for online mediation and dispute resolution professionals. Resources & Links: Divorce in a Better Way The Divorce and Beyond Podcast The Learn to Mediate Online Podcast Susan on The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Susan on Instagram Susan on Facebook  Susan on Twitter Susan on YouTube The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Trauma may not be what you think. We all have it and we all suffer from it to varying degrees — especially those who are in abusive relationships. There’s so much trauma that comes along with abuse and also so much trauma that led us there in the first place.   In this week’s episode, we’re talking about complex trauma with Gwynn Raimondi. Gwynn defines complex trauma as anything that happened when we were young. Gwynn is a therapist specializing in complex trauma, grief, embodiment & intersections. We discuss the various ways trauma can show up and how it impacts relationships. Plus, Gwynn has an amazing approach to self-regulating your nervous system and how doing so can help you to reclaim your life.   Show Highlights Gwynn defines trauma and offers several different examples of trauma (6:39) Complex trauma: anything that happens when we were young (8:00) We discuss the trauma response and what is happening in our brains (10:00) How trauma impacts your relationships, plus Gwynn describes the four attachment styles (22:35) Body-centered mindfulness work and nervous-system regulation helps create a window of tolerance (15:11) Addiction is a coping mechanism (31:23) Collective relational trauma and how it impacts the way we relate to other people and impacts our relationships (43:22) How trauma affects our physical bodies (56:00) Learn More About Gwynn Raimondi:Gwynn is a therapist specializing in complex trauma, grief, embodiment & intersections. She is systems focused and explores how the greater world impacts and influences individuals, how the trauma we have experienced influences our relationships with others, ourselves, and the world, and how living in our current patriarchal, authoritarian, white supremacist culture exacerbates the lived experience and ancestral trauma that lives within us.  Resources & Links:Gwynn’s websiteGwynn on InstagramGwynn on FacebookGwynn on MediumGwynn’s Facebook Group Trauma Informed Embodiment The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week I’m sharing my recommendations for co-parenting during the COVID-19 pandemic. If you’re a member of my Facebook group or follow me on Instagram, you may have heard me talking about how there are no shelter-in-place or quarantine guidelines for divorced families, especially those with blended families. We are told to stay home or to shelter-in-place, but what is a quarantine when you have children spread out across multiple households?  The government can’t necessarily mandate how blended families react to quarantine, but they can make guidelines. Unfortunately, I haven’t heard one politician or infectious disease expert say a single thing about our demographic.   As it stands right now, co-parenting guidelines are simply, “Comply with your court orders.” And, in many cases, that can be dangerous for everyone’s health.  In this episode, I’ve put together some ways that co-parents can deal with the current situation.  Here are just a few of the topics I touch on in this episode: Why communication with your co-parent is crucial now, more than ever What to do when you have an ex who is not taking the pandemic seriously The importance of talking to your children in age-appropriate ways about COVID-19 How to cope with being stuck cohabitating with your soon-to-be-ex and how to continue with divorce proceedings If you are in an abusive relationship in quarantine, you are in danger.    Resources and Links: Susan Guthrie, Divorce in a Better Way Hello Divorce (for the State of California only)It’s Over Easy National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1- 800-799-7233 1:1 Coaching with Kate The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It’s therapy month on the Divorce Survival Guide podcast! ICYMI: I’ve decided to organize podcast episodes into monthly themes, and right now, we’re in the middle of Therapy Month!  Joining me to discuss all things Imago Therapy for couples is Dr. Sarah Schewitz. Dr. Sarah Schewitz is a licensed psychologist specializing in love and relationships and is the founder of the successful online psychology practice, Couples Learn.  Imago therapy is a specific style of relationship therapy designed to help conflict within relationships become opportunities for healing and growth. My ex-husband and I were in Imago therapy before our divorce, and well, it didn’t save our marriage. But what it did do was provide us with a way to communicate compassionately and lovingly during our divorce.  Imago therapy opens compassion wells, and it allows for a deeper level of communication.  Sarah is an expert on the subject. In addition to discussing Imago, we also chat about why therapy (individual or couples) is so vital for your healing. Sarah puts it perfectly when she says, “Most of us are just unconsciously reacting to circumstances that are triggering our past childhood wounds without realizing it. If you can gain that awareness, you can then choose, ‘Do I want to react this way or not?’ And that’s healing.”   Show Highlights How remote couples therapy works (4:28) Misconceptions around childhood trauma and how they impact current relationships (6:59) The definition of trauma and conflict trauma (9:11) How Sarah addresses the panic-stricken husband who didn’t realize things were ‘that bad’ (14:15) Imago therapy and Imago dialogue: what it is and how couples can use it for a more profound level communication (16:58) More on the Imago dialogue and why the respect for your partner’s availability is so important (22:00) Sarah shares how she approaches therapy with someone who has been in an abusive relationship after abusive relationship (25:12) How to elicit a conversation about childhood wounds using Imago Dialogue, with a real-world example (51:26) “Whether the relationship stays together or not, investing in yourself is never a loss.”   Dr. Sarah Schewitz Learn More About Dr. Sarah Schewitz: Dr. Sarah Schewitz (pronounced Shevitz like Manischewitz wine) is a licensed psychologist specializing in love & relationships and is the founder of the successful online psychology practice, Couples Learn. She has been working with couples and individuals to improve their love lives for over 10 years now. In 2019, Sarah was named one of Datezie’s most influential dating experts and one of the top 3 marriage counselors in Los Angeles. Sarah has been featured in articles for outlets such as Readers Digest, Playboy, Bravo TV, AskMen, Self, and more. Dr. Sarah’s private practice is relatively unique in that she is one of the only doctoral-level couples therapists whose practice is 100% online.  Resources & Links: Dr. Sarah’s website Dr. Sarah on Instagram Dr. Sarah on Facebook Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, Harville Hendrix Ph.D Getting the Love You Want Workshops The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week I’m talking about how to deal with the other woman in your ex or soon-to-be ex's life. The woman he cheated on you with, or the one he met after you...you know, the one he’s introducing to your kids…? You have a lot of feelings about this, most of which are perfectly valid, but are you acting on those feelings in the right way? What are the boundaries here? What’s a reasonable request for you to make about all of this?  And how exactly are you supposed to feel about this woman?? In today's episode, I’m going to share why compassion is so important — compassion for yourself, for your children, and yes, even for her.  If you're a mom, it's part of your job to expand your capacity to be with uncomfortable, painful, and conflicting feelings, especially ones you never fucking wanted to have ever at all. Learn how to process them in appropriate ways so you can show up in this new paradigm in the best and healthiest way possible for your kids. Here are just a few of the topics I touch on in this episode: Why name-calling, blaming, and shaming aren't the way to go How to practice compassion towards the other woman Dealing with and appreciating the other woman in your child's life 1:1 Coaching with Kate The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Not all therapists are good. Not all therapists have the advanced training necessary to help you as an individual or as a couple. Not all therapists have your best interests in mind.  If you are contemplating divorce, want to work on past trauma, or work on your relationship, you need a good therapist to guide you. So, how do you find a good therapist? That’s the topic of this week’s episode.  If you’re a member of my Facebook group, then Katie’s name is probably familiar to you. She’s a member of the group, is an incredible asset and I am so grateful to have her voice there, as well as in this podcast episode.  “Going into therapy with the wrong person is not going to help you,” says Katie. My loves, this is so true. But choosing the right one most certainly will.   Show Highlights The many layers of how to go about picking a therapist (6:08) Tips for researching your therapist options including how to research finding a good couples therapist (16:29) EFT: Emotionally Focused Therapy takes the understanding of attachment theory and applies it to how we come together and fall apart in our relationships (18:02) Everybody has dysfunction and we all can choose to (or not to) deal with it. The more we put work into healing our attachment injuries the more value we are going to get from our relationships (21:30) Schema therapy - what it is and how it helps change your relational behavioral patterns (19:46) In looking for a couple’s therapist, you should be looking for someone who has experience in several advanced therapies (27:00) Who should NOT be in couple’s therapy: active abuse or addiction by someone who is not willing to address and work through it (27:55) When therapists act in dual roles (individually and as a couple’s therapist) (28:09) Trust your gut! If you don’t feel like a therapist is the right fit for you, they’re probably not. (33:36) Trauma bonds: the theory of trauma bonding and how they can lead you to repeat old abusive habits (38:15) Learn More About Katie: Katie Thompson LPC, CEDS is a psychotherapist in private practice in St. Louis, Missouri. Katie specializes in treating eating disorders, anxiety disorders, PTSD and complex trauma and has a special interest in treating binge eating disorder.  She is skilled in implementing DBT, CBT, IFS, ERP, EMDR, EFT and group therapy. Katie is trained in EMDR, Exposure, and Response Prevention (ERP) and has earned her certification in Internal Family Systems, Level 2. In private practice, Katie balances individual, family, couples and group therapy with supervising provisionally licensed therapists. Katie is also a current member and the past Board President of the Missouri Eating Disorders Association (MOEDA) Board of Directors and is a past member of the Binge Eating Disorder Association (BEDA) board of directors. Katie can be seen in local media appearances and lecturing regionally and nationally in her areas of specialty.   Katie is married and has a daughter, a bonus daughter, and a bonus son. She has been a part of her blended family since 2011 and is familiar with the complexities that come with living in a blended family as a spouse, bio parent and step-parent. Katie specializes in clinical intervention within blended family systems in her specific areas of expertise.   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week I wanted to expand on a topic I discussed in my Facebook group and on an Instagram IGTV video. It’s around the topic of forgiveness entitlement. In this episode, I also talk about addiction or abuse, and why you can’t force someone to get help.  So, your spouse says they’re doing the work and they seem to be doing all the right things. But you still can’t trust them and they don't understand why. You wonder, “What’s wrong with me?” There is NOTHING wrong with you. You’ve been betrayed and hurt, and you’re not healed yet.  If your spouse is telling you that you need to get over it already, here’s what I want to say to you: the only person who gets to say when they’re ready to move forward is the person who has been the victim of the offending act — in this case, you. When someone says they’re doing all the work, remember that actions speak louder than words. And if they are truly doing the work, they’re opening the door so that you can be okay, so you can heal and eventually, you can forgive. But, know this: Nobody is entitled to your forgiveness.  Tune in to hear why this is so important for your healing, your journey, and your relationships (now or in the future).   Here are just a few of the topics I touch on in this episode: The only time you should forgive someone. Emotional abusers or active addicts know exactly what they are doing. YOU are the person who needs to understand the truth of what’s going on.  The importance of not controlling the situation and allowing him or her to find their process to recovery. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices