Better in Bed | A Sex & Sexuality Podcast

Yoni massage, which has its origins in Tantra, has recently been getting a lot of attention in the sexual wellness space. 

What is the meaning of Yoni anyway? It’s Sanskrit term that means “sacred portal” and it represents all the female genital parts - the vulva, vagina, womb and feminine essence.

On this episode, Sara is joined by her sex-positive friend Will and Viv Kan (https://www.mindfulintimacy.co), a mindful intimacy coach. They discuss the benefits of yoni massage, what the experience is like and how to incorporate this practice in our intimate lives. 

For some, a yoni massage can be used to release emotions or trauma stuck in the pelvic area. And for others, it can be the start of a sexual awakening. 

Both Sara and Viv share their memorable experiences around Yoni massages, and how orgasm is not the end goal but an exploration of one’s body and sexual empowerment. 

Viv also breaks down how to give yourself or someone else a Yoni massage — from setting the stage to exploring the different parts of female genitals. There are a bunch of practical tips in this episode. 

Be inspired to embrace your sensuality and awaken pleasure with this liberating practice by tuning into this episode.

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-   Support this show on Patreon http://patreon.com/betterinbed

-   Visit Sarasense website http://sarasense.com

-   Follow @hellosarasense on Instagram

-   Check out our sponsors that help keep this show free: OhMiBod (http://lovelifetoys.com) - 15% off with code BETTERINBED and Adam & Eve (http://adameve.com) - 50% off & free shipping with code BETTERINBED

-    Detailed show notes for this episode at http://sarasense.com/podcast

Many of you are busy people with multiple responsibilities and who lead stressful lives. So how do you navigate a good work life, sex life balance?

On this episode, Sara talks with Lisa Fei and celebrity matchmaker Carmelia Ray about how to juggle a busy work life and maintain a fulfilling sex life. Respectively, Lisa and Carmelia are the Founder and Head Coach of the relationship wellness app, Clarity (http://clarityapp.io) which offers tools for navigating every stage of your relationship journey. 

Carmelia starts off by defining what an ideal work life, sex life balance could look like and how this is always shifting over time, and with different situations e.g. kids, stress, hormones etc.

We then discuss practical things to do where we’re so busy with work that sex feels like a chore or falls to the bottom of our to-do list.

One of the key takeaways from this episode is that it’s always possible to make time for sex in our busy schedules, it’s just a matter of priorities. Research shows that a good sex life can be beneficial to your career, by reducing stress, boosting productivity and job engagement.

So if you’re someone who’s frequently too busy at work, this episode will show you how to bring balance into your sex life with healthy conversations, good planning and a shift in mindset.

​​-     Support this show on Patreon http://patreon.com/betterinbed

-     Visit Sarasense website http://sarasense.com

-     Follow @hellosarasense on Instagram

-     Check out the Clarity app: http://clarityapp.io

-     Detailed show notes for this episode at http://sarasense.com/podcast

On this bonus episode, I’m sharing an excerpt of a new podcast I’m enjoying and think you will, too. On Come As You Are, educator and bestselling author Dr. Emily Nagoski answers questions about sex with the latest science.

You’ll get a modern guide to sexual wellbeing, backed by groundbreaking research about desire, anatomy, orgasm and much more. In conversation with her producer, Emily debunks cultural myths and flips the script on everything you thought you knew about sex and sexuality.

In this preview, Emily answers a listener’s question about losing the motivation to have sex and introduces us to a concept known as the "dual control model,” which offers a simple but radical shift in the way we think about horniness.

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​​-     Support this show on Patreon http://patreon.com/betterinbed

-     Visit Sarasense website http://sarasense.com

-     Follow @hellosarasense on Instagram

-     Listen to Come As You Are at https://podcasts.pushkin.fm/caya?sid=better

-     Detailed show notes for this episode at http://sarasense.com/podcast

Curious about attending a sex party, also known as a play party?

Think about entering a party with a giant bed, and everyone’s exploring their kinks and fetishes. It’s a smorgasbord of pleasure…

On this episode, Sara speaks with a sex-positive couple, James and Kat, who enjoy organizing sex parties. They share their experiences on the ins and outs of planning such a party.

James and Kat share the motivations of people in joining a sex party and the kinds of people one might meet at such an event. James and Kat also confess the best and worst play parties they have ever attended.

We give practical tips about the sex party experience— from how to find one, prepare for, and behave at the party. We discuss basic party etiquette such as safety, consent, and so much more.

If you’ve ever fantasised about sex parties, this episode will give you the low-down on what you can expect from attending, or even planning one of your own. 

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-   Support this show on Patreon http://patreon.com/betterinbed

-   Visit Sarasense website http://sarasense.com

-   Follow @hellosarasense on Instagram

-   Check out our sponsors that help keep this show free: OhMiBod (http://lovelifetoys.com)

-   Detailed show notes for this episode at http://sarasense.com/podcast

How can you enjoy porn ethically - with more of the pleasure and less of the guilt? 

Porn is commonly used to accompany masturbation. On this episode, Sara chats with erotic filmmaker Paulita Pappel (www.paulitapappel.com) on what constitutes “ethical porn” and how to consume it in a healthy and responsible way. 

As someone who has been both in front and behind the camera, Paulita shares her journey into erotic filmmaking and how she defines her role as a feminist in the industry.

She shares her personal motivations around starting Lustery, a shame-free space for people to share home-made videos of their love and lust with the world.

We also discuss the changing conversation around porn, which is becoming more nuanced and take some time to challenge some commonly held stereotypes.

We wrap up the conversation with some practical tips on being an ethical porn consumer and setting aside the performative mindset around sex.

Instead of porn being a topic fueled by stigma, this conversation with Paulita relooks at porn as a genre of entertainment and a way to understand our sexuality, when used responsibly.

So if you want to develop better porn habits or explore new fantasies, this episode will give you the tools to make the most informed choices in terms of what you consume. 

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-   Support this show on Patreon http://patreon.com/betterinbed

-   Visit Sarasense website http://sarasense.com

-   Follow @hellosarasense on Instagram

-  Check out our sponsors that help keep this show free: OhMiBod (http://lovelifetoys.com, @ohmibod) and Promescent (http://promescent.com, @promescent)

-  Detailed show notes for this episode at http://sarasense.com/podcast 

It’s been called the “Holy Grail” of the woman’s pleasure anatomy. But does the G-spot even exist? It's been a highly debated question.

And one that Sara discusses with co-host Kat Leung and guest Vera Lui on this episode. Vera is the founder of Sally Coco (http://sallystoy.com), the first female-friendly sex toy shop in Hong Kong, and a certified sex educator who is happy to share the latest research on the G-spot (or more accurately, G-area), and debunk its biggest myths.

Finding and stimulating one's G-spot takes time and practice. We explore the many methods to go about it— whether solo with fingers, with toys, or with the assistance of an encouraging partner.

We talk about a big fantasy for some — squirting. We answer all your questions: Why does squirting tend to occur with G-spot stimulation? What makes up the liquid? How does porn influence our ideas on squirting? And so much more.

We also share practical tips and personal stories that make finding your G-spot achievable. Ultimately, we reach the conclusion: everybody is different. But it’s always worth exploring what feels good, especially when it could lead to an intensely satisfying orgasm.

So if you’re someone who wants to explore the G-spot, whether on your own or with someone else, this episode will give you the confidence to unlock its possibilities. 

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-   Support this show on Patreon http://patreon.com/betterinbed

-   Visit Sarasense website http://sarasense.com

-   Follow @hellosarasense on Instagram

-   Check out our sponsors that help keep this show free: Womanizer https://www.womanizer.com

-   Detailed show notes for this episode at http://sarasense.com/podcast

How do I get my libido back?

From antidepressants, to trying to conceive and having kids, Sara invites clinical psychologist and sex therapist Dr. Kristin Zeising (http://drzeising.com) on this Sex FAQs episode to tackle the different real-life situations that could cause one’s libido to do a disappearing act.

We answer the following questions:

Kristin and Sara provide practical tips around how to prioritise pleasure and eliminate the pressure around sex, in order to revive the libido. We also give people ideas around opening this difficult conversation with a partner in a compassionate, non-judgemental way.

Tune into this episode if you’re looking to break out of a dry spell or want practical tips for these everyday situations. It will help you get your mojo back!

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Have you heard of the “male G-spot”? It’s another name for the prostate and it’s a major erogenous zone. But it’s an area that has been largely unexplored by most people.

On this episode, Sara and Prescott Gaylord (http://prescottgaylord.com), an improv actor and intimacy co-ordinator, go on a journey to explore everything in prostate play.

First, we discuss what is a prostate, where you can find it, and the benefits of stimulating it for pleasure. Prescott shares his personal experiences of prostate orgasms, which feel longer lasting and more full-bodied than traditional ejaculatory orgasms.

We alleviate the most common fears and concerns around prostate play, discussing general hygiene and safety practices, and warm-up techniques. And we discuss one of the most commonly heard myths - whether prostate play makes you gay.

Prescott and Sara exchange practical tips around toys, lube, and what to have around your space before exploring prostate play.

We also role-play how to find the prostate, with the consent and communication cues necessary for anyone who is interested in trying this kind of play for the first time.

Tune into this episode to learn more about using the prostate to heighten sexual pleasure and explore the possibilities of the male orgasm. It may change your bedroom dynamics forever.

How can you be more mindful with masturbation?

Mindfulness has taken off as a wellness practice in recent years, yet most people don’t generally think of using it in the context of masturbation. Mindful masturbation is all about reconnecting with yourself and focusing on what makes you feel good. The practice encourages everyone to slow down, become conscious of pleasure and explore the body more holistically, instead of just focusing on the genitals.

On this episode, Sara and co-host Prescott invite Singaporean sexuality and intimacy coach Gabriel / “Pothos” (https://www.sensualmassageart.com/) to talk about the benefits of mindful masturbation, and how to get started with the practice. 

While having a quick orgasm solo can be efficient and convenient, we share how mindful masturbation can bring benefits such as enhanced pleasure, increased sexual confidence, and a release of performance anxiety.

We also discuss how sex journals, fantasising and even porn watching can all be used as tools to discover more about our sexuality, if we use them mindfully.

Finally, Gabriel takes Sara and Prescott through a short, 10 minute guided meditation (for masturbation) demonstration on air, which listeners can follow along to too.

If you’re hoping to gain a deeper understanding of your sexuality the practice of mindful masturbation, this episode will offer you all the tips, insights and guidance you need.

What helps you build sexual confidence? Sex is a vulnerable act, and fear and self-doubt can often arise in situations where things don’t go according to our expectations.   On this thoughtful FAQ episode, Sara and relationship coach, Valentina Tudose from Happy Ever After (https://happyeverafter.asia/) answer your most pressing questions around building sexual confidence. Topics on this episode include:  

How do I feel sexy in my body after a double mastectomy for breast cancer? How can I stop being anxious about my small penis size? I’ve noticed a pattern in my relationships that sex with my partner usually stops after 1-2 months of dating. How can I overcome feeling undesirable? I suffer from vaginismus and have low sexual confidence. How can I stop worrying that my partner isn’t getting the intimacy he craves? How can I be more confident around initiating sex?

Throughout the episode, we offer countless tips on how to make the shift from performative sex to pleasurable sex. Anyone can be sexually confident, but it does take practice, care and patience.

At its core, sexual confidence is about feeling comfortable in your body, knowing you deserve pleasure and being able to articulate what you enjoy.

Learning to accept and be grateful for our bodies as “good bodies” can make a huge impact on our perception of any sexual situation, and help to boost our sexual confidence.

Identifying our desires (and fears) and then discussing them openly with our partners can also help to prevent our negative self-talk from taking over in the moment.

Sex is as much of a mental activity, as a physical activity. So start building your sexual confidence by tuning into this episode!

Is three always a crowd? Apparently not when it comes to group sex encounters - since studies say that having a threesome is one of the most popular sexual fantasies.    On this episode, Sara and co-host Jannus sit down with model and sexy lifestyle events host Vonny Lang (http://instagram.com/vonnylang), to chat about our personal experiences around group sex. We explore the different benefits and dynamics of group sex, and why its such a common fantasy. We also discuss the common fears that people may have when approaching group sex, and how to overcome them. 

We give guidance around how newbies can bring up a group sex fantasy to a partner and navigate their first group sex encounter at a play party or a sex club. 

This episode will inspire you and give you some useful tips if you’re figuring out how to have a sexy, fun, drama-free threesome (or moresome) of your wet dreams!

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Curious to try an open relationship, but don’t know quite where or how to start?

On this episode, Sara chats with relationship coach Valentina Tudose (http://happyeverafter.asia) to answer your most common questions about open relationships, such as:

What basic ground rules should I set if I’m just starting out with open relationships How can I handle my intense attraction to a new lover since I started to open my relationship with my spouse? I want to have an open relationship, but how do I manage my jealousy? How do I bring up an open relationship to a partner that has been previously unreceptive?

Some ground rules that Valentina and I discuss for an open relationship include: prioritizing your partner, having regular check-ins, communicating your needs with compassion, and a strong commitment to radical honesty.

We also share tips around managing jealousy and how when used constructively, jealousy can be a useful tool to help us address issues and get what we need.

We also offer reminders and tips for couples who are in the process of opening up their relationship to think about it as if they're embarking on a joint adventure or an exciting journey together. 

If you're interested in open relationships, we suggest bringing up the conversation regarding your values and beliefs around non-traditional relationship models early in the dating process to avoid a future mismatch and heartbreak.

This episode is a must-listen if you and/or your partner are curious about non-monogamy or trying to work up the courage to open your relationship.

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Ever been in a sexual situation where your - or your partner's - penis wasn't doing exactly what you wanted it to do? 

Penis issues are incredibly common, yet they are often accompanied by stress, fear, anxiety, and shame. The penis-owner can feel like a failure, and they can make sex a task instead of a pleasure.

That’s why Sara and Jeff Abraham, CEO of sexual health company Promescent (http://promescent.com) sit down and answer your most pressing penis questions on this Sex FAQs episode. Topics include:

How do I overcome performance anxiety? What can I do to keep my erections strong with age? How can I last longer during sex? How can I improve my male masturbation sessions?  How do I maintain an erection with condoms?  What if I struggle to ejaculate during sex?

Sara and Jeff shed some light on the causes of common penis issues, and talk about what to do if, or when, things go south in different situations.

Penis challenges are very common, and they don’t have to signal the end of your sex life. After all, there’s so much more to sex than just erections and ejaculations, so shifting away from a penis performance mindset and finding creative ways to satisfy each other is key.

As communication is the most important tool to solve any kind of penis issue, speak up and seek help with any challenge you may be experiencing. Ultimately, penis issues are nothing to be ashamed of. 

Tune in to the episode to get tips on keeping your penis healthy and happy in any S.O.S situation. 

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How does self-love help us have a better sex life?

On this uplifting episode, Sara sits down with co-host and relationship coach Valentina Tudose of Happy Ever After to discuss the principles of self-love and how they apply to the bedroom.

We start off with a definition of how self-love is about accepting and integrating all parts of ourselves, even the parts that we might ordinarily hide, reject or be ashamed of.

When we love ourselves enough, we stop performing in the bedroom, we have more pleasure, and we give ourselves permission to fully express our sexuality.

If you’re someone that’s looking to empower yourself with self-love in the bedroom and beyond, this episode will give you practical tips to change unhelpful narratives around sex, deal with your inner critic, fully express your sexuality and more!

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Want more tips for healthier, happier sex life? Join my community.

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Detailed show notes for this episode here.

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How can we rekindle the sexual desire for a long-term partner? Or is desire always destined to fade?

On this pre-Valentine’s Day episode, Sara chats with Dr. Kristin Zeising, a clinical psychologist and certified sex therapist, and co-host Mo from the Ho Ho Hong Kong podcast, and we tackle all things sexual desire.

Kristin shares the latest scientific thinking on the sexual response cycle, and we discuss the different styles of sexual desire - spontaneous vs responsive.

We learn that sexual desire doesn’t have to fade in long-term relationships, the nature of desire just changes over time.

By managing the biggest drivers and brakes that impact our sexual desire, we can take back control of our sex drives, and sex lives.

We also challenge the most common myths surrounding sexual desire, such as whether men really do want sex more than women and whether libido always drops off with age.

This episode offers practical strategies for lovers who are looking to spice things up and rekindle their sexual spark. So if you’re struggling with sexual desire in your relationship due to the pandemic or simply life’s daily challenges, have a listen! 

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How are you incorporating erotic touch into your sex life? On this sensual episode, Sara chats with sex educator and founder of Confident Lovers, Christina Antonyan and co-host Kat Leung about the art of erotic touch.

Touch is fundamentally important to all of us, as a love language and form of communication. It is also one of the key skills to the art of lovemaking.

We discuss the different types of touch that lovers typically use to communicate, from sensual, affectionate to sexual.

We also share simple, practical tips around how to enjoy erotic touch, from slowing down, using a blindfold and applying mindfulness.

Finally, Christina offers some specific erotic touch techniques for approaching the different body parts such as the breasts, vulva and bum that will help take your sensual exploration to the next level.

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Can sex toys be good for our sexual - and overall - health?

Many of us regard sex toys as tools of pleasure, but this informative episode will help you to rethink the possibilities of sex toys, and how you’re using them.

Sara chats with Dr. Soum Rakshit, co-founder of Mysteryvibe, a brand that aims to solve big topics in sexual health in an accessible way. Mysteryvibe creates FDA-approved medical devices for sexual health, which also do double-duty as sex toys and pleasure products. 

We explore how sex toys can be used to aid with sexual health issues such as scar tissue after childbirth, menstrual pain, painful sex and even premature ejaculation.

Many people are reluctant to see a doctor to seek solutions for common sexual health issues, but are more open to using a sex toy or would happily to receive it as a gift.

We also discuss the benefits of introducing sex toys into your relationship, whether it’s to improve orgasms, overcome an obstacle, or simply to assist in opening the conversation about sexual health.

Dr. Soum offers countless suggestions on improving your sexual health, including tips on specific toys to use and how to use them.

Regardless of whether you’re looking to overcome issues or enhance your enjoyment in the bedroom, tune into the episode to find out how sex toys can make sexual health easier and more fun.

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P.S. If you’ve gotten value from this podcast, I’d really appreciate it if you subscribed, left a review or bought me a coffee. :)

How can you be more sexually assertive and dominant in the bedroom?

Sara co-hosts this episode with kink coach Jannus, and we chat with guest Mistress Eva Oh, a professional dominatrix about her journey into BDSM.

We discuss the psychology behind being assertive and dominant in a BDSM context and the dynamics that come with it. We learn where sexual power comes from, and what we can do to step into that power or give it away.

Whether or not you’re into BDSM, sexual assertiveness is something that we can all practice by simply knowing what we want and being confident enough to ask for it in the bedroom.

We all then share some practical tips and ideas around bringing more kink into the bedroom - from training subs, doling out rewards and punishments, initiating sex and more!

This episode is a must-listen if you’re interested becoming more sexually assertive and if you want to incorporate more BDSM into your sex life.

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P.S. If you’ve gotten value from this podcast, I’d really appreciate it if you subscribed, left a review, or bought me a coffee. :)

Why is sex always so hot when you’re on holiday?

In this hilarious episode, Sara chats with sex-positive friends Kat and Will, about some fun and exciting holiday sex encounters.

Holiday sex brings out a sense of adventure in all of us, it allows us to break from routine and explore something new in a completely different setting. We tend to be less inhibited and experience more anticipation.

While the sex may be hotter, we also talk about some of the potential drawbacks of holiday sex and what to do to avoid them.

We also share tips around how to prepare for a sexy holiday, and what we can do to bring that holiday magic to our sex lives even when we’re not traveling.

This episode will have you laughing, reminiscing, and planning your next sexy getaway!

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P.S. If you’ve gotten value from this podcast, I’d really appreciate it if you subscribed, left a review, or bought me a coffee. :)

How do you perceive sex work and sex workers? And why does the stigma around sex work exist?

Sara and co-host Prescott interview Vanessa Ho of Project X, a non-profit group dedicated to advocating for sex workers' rights in Singapore.

Vanessa helps to clarify some of the biggest misconceptions around sex work, and shares with us how the nature of sex work has changed over the years.

We discuss the draconian laws in many Asian countries surrounding sex work and the risks and dangers many sex workers face because they are afraid to come forward due to the stigma and shame associated with the profession.

By learning more about the why’s, what’s and who’s of sex work, this thoughtful episode helps us examine where our own biases and prejudice regarding sex work come from, and challenges us to regard the profession with more compassion. 

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PS. If you’ve gotten value from this podcast, I’d really appreciate it if you subscribed and left a review. :)

After a year of lockdowns, what’s being called the “summer of love” is upon us - wherein people are keen to release their pent up sexual energy.

So on this Sex FAQs episode, Sara chats with relationship coach and clinical hypnotherapist, Valentina Tudose about all things casual…casual sex that is!

Together we tackle common questions crowdsourced from listeners on the following topics:

We also talk about the benefits of casual sex and dating, and give some tips on how to enjoy it while staying true to yourself. If you’re single or casually dating, this episode is one you won’t want to miss.

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P.S. If you’ve gotten value from this podcast, please support my work as a creator by leaving a review or buying me a coffee. :)

Calling all penis owners and penis lovers! Want to know how to make sex last longer, and avoid finishing too soon?

On this episode, Sara chats with Jeff Abraham, CEO of Promescent, who shares some great pointers on one of the most common penis challenges - early or premature ejaculation (PE).

We start off by discussing the various ways to manage the anxiety, shame and fear around PE and its impact on penis performance.

Some of the strategies include talking openly with our partners, and focusing in on their pleasure instead of just being fixated on the duration of sex as a metric of performance.

After all, longer sex doesn’t always equate to better sex!

Jeff also offers some practical tips on how to introduce toys and other sex-enhancing products in a confident, constructive manner.

Particularly, Promescent’s trademark delay spray for penis owners and arousal gel for vulva owners can be used together can help to close the heterosexual orgasm gap.

This episode will help all penis owners (and their partners) increase intimacy, stay present in the moment and connect on a deeper level.

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P.S. If you’ve gotten value from this podcast, please support my work as a creator by leaving a review or buying me a coffee. :)

[This episode was recorded live as part of the Hong Kong Podcast Festival 2021]

Are you using your pelvic floor to experience better sex and orgasms?

On this live episode, Sara is joined by Trista Chan, a Pelvic Health Physiotherapist from Joint Dynamics to discuss the link between the pelvic floor and the role it plays in our sex lives.

Trista explains what exactly the pelvic floor is and how to locate these muscles in the body. We also discuss the numerous sexual health benefits of strengthening the pelvic floor for all genders through Kegels and other physical exercises.

We discuss the lack of awareness surrounding the pelvic floor, and dispel the notion that strengthening the pelvic floor is only relevant to women post-childbirth.   

In fact, men also have a pelvic floor, which helps them experience stronger erections as well as other health benefits.

Trista then guides the live audience a practical step-by-step process of how to do a Kegel, and encourages everyone to take the opportunity to practice doing Kegels whenever they can. Boring office meetings will never be the same again!

Check out this short and informative episode to learn more about Kegels the correct way, and how they can potentially improve your sex life! 

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P.S. If you’ve gotten value from this podcast, please support my work as a creator by leaving a review or buying me a coffee. :)

Why do we love having sexual fantasies, and what are their benefits?

On this episode, Sara chats with guests Mo and Andy, who are stand-up comedians that host the local Ho Ho Hong Kong podcast so be prepared for some big laughs.

We discuss how sexual fantasies stimulate arousal, are an escape from reality (like the pandemic), alleviate boredom and can even help us heal from past traumas.

We each share a few of our own personal stories around our favourite sexual fantasies and whether the reality lived up to our expectations. You might never look a camel the same way again!

We discuss how comfortable we are sharing and exploring our fantasies with our partners, and the role of boundaries in that conversation.

Sara presents some fascinating research around the top 3 most common sexual fantasies and how our fantasies may align with our personalities.

She also reads out several crowdsourced sexual fantasies that showcase the diversity and creativity of the human imagination. Mo and Andy respond with hilarious results.

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P.S. If you’ve gotten value from this podcast, please support my work as a creator by leaving a review or buying me a coffee. :)

What does consent look like, and how do you make it sexy?

In this episode, Sara invites sex-positive friends Jessica and Prescott Gaylord to talk about their personal experiences on consent.

Prescott is an improv actor and instructor who facilitates consent workshops. And on the show, he gives us practical techniques and exercises on how to establish better consent and boundaries.

We talk about our definitions of consent and how our personal feelings towards this concept have evolved over time. Particularly with the #metoo movement bringing this discussion to the forefront.   

One key consent technique we discuss on the show is shifting our feelings around the word “no”. Often a “no” is construed as a rejection, and followed by frustration or disappointment.

However, by learning to celebrate “no”, it gives us an opportunity to be more aware of someone’s boundaries and accept this as a positive thing. This concept may take a little time to get used to but it’s definitely something worth thinking about.

We also demonstrate how a simple question like, “how do you like to be ____?” can make asking for consent really hot and sexy.

This empowering episode will help you to feel more confident about asking for consent and expressing your own boundaries without shame or guilt.

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P.S. If you’ve gotten value from this podcast, please support my work as a creator by leaving a review or buying me a coffee. :)

Is long-distance a deal-breaker for your sex and love life, or can it actually make things hotter and better?

In this episode, Sara chats with sex-positive friends Helen and James, who have both been in long-term long-distance relationships and are happy to share their experiences.

We talk about some of the difficulties couples may experience with intimacy and the misunderstandings that occur over long-distance relationships.

But more importantly, we talk about how to keep it sexy and fun!

We explore the benefits of being in a long-distance relationship, such as independence and the space to cultivate desire, and how to build a strong foundation for your relationship to grow on.

We also get down and dirty sharing some ideas on how to keep things steamy, share personal intimate moments through sexting, video chats, photos, and even toys that can be used across the world!

We learn that it takes trust, great communication, clearly defined boundaries, constant dedication and a safe place to explore your sexuality if you want to keep your spark alive across long distance.

Long distance sex and relationships are hard work. But they can actually help us gain the skills to help us get better at our in-person relationships.

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P.S. If you’ve gotten value from this podcast, please support my work as a creator by leaving a review or buying me a coffee. :)

Sexual desire, or libidos, naturally ebb and flow. Sometimes over a course of a single day. So one of the most common challenges that couples face in relationships is a loss of desire or mismatched libidos. Often in these situations, sex begins to feel like a chore or a performance, which leads to further avoidance.

On this Sex FAQs episode, Sara and relationship coach, Valentina Tudose from Happy Ever After tackle common questions crowdsourced from listeners around the topics of desire, and how to take sex from performance to pleasure:

“How can we restart our sex life after having a baby? I’m in the mood more often than my wife, but hesitant to bring it up with her as I’m afraid it will lead to conflict.” “I have a far stronger libido than my partner. When we do have sex, it tends to be the same every time, without much enthusiasm and passion. We’ve talked about it but she just doesn’t have the same interest in it that I do.” “I’ve always thought of sex as a performance and for my partner’s pleasure rather than myself. When my partner asks me what I want, I find myself not knowing what I want as well. Is there anything that can help him and us?” “I used to enjoy sex but find myself avoiding it because it feels like too much hard work and gives me very little pleasure. I focus so much on not coming too fast that it takes me ages to get there and I sometimes just give up. What can I do to learn to enjoy it again?” “I have been trying to get my wife pregnant but it seems my body disagrees. I am having trouble getting hard and when it happens, it only lasts a short time. Please help.”

Valentina and Sara talk about broadening the experience of sex beyond just orgasm, and approaching it with a sense of curiosity, fun and playfulness. Adopting a “performance mindset” around sex (i.e. reaching orgasm) usually results in unsatisfying sex, and lead to couples overlooking other ways of building physical and emotional intimacy.

We also discuss strategies for couples to introduce novelty, explore each other’s bodies, and take responsibility for their own sexual pleasure.  After all, sexual desire is built on the assumption that you’re having the kind of sex that is worth craving!

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Let's talk about sex. On this episode, sex coach Sara Tang of Sarasense and co-host Jye Smith talk about how they learned about sex, awkward first time sexual experiences and why on earth they have decided to bring their boisterous audio baby into the world - Better in Bed.

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Produced by Jye Smith (@jyesmith / jye@doublestar.co)

Dirty talk usually gets a bad rep. After all, sex isn’t dirty – so why should talking about it be?

On this hilarious episode, Sara chats with her sex-positive friends Kat and James, who are never short on things to say, in the bedroom or otherwise. We talk about the many benefits of dirty talk – from building fantasy, increasing arousal, establishing consent, getting validation and connecting more deeply with one’s partner.

We explore the many different styles – from flirty, naughty, seductive to filthy and degrading – and agree its all in the delivery. We also dish the dirt on our personal best and worst sex talk experiences, which words turn us on or off, and give best practices for sexting.

Learn how to master the art of dirty talk as we come up with ideas for easy phrases for shy beginners, and other must-dos when it comes to the language of sex.

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How has the global pandemic affected your sex and love life? And how can you ‘corona-proof’ your relationship against the stress, uncertainty and conflict?

A crisis like the one we find ourselves in accelerates the dynamics of any relationship, and you may feel more intense emotions for each other or reach breaking point more quickly.

We’re all concerned about staying physically healthy during these times; but it just as important to keep your relationships safe, strong and healthy too.

Sara chats with clinical psychologist Dr. Kimberly Carder, as we discuss practical strategies and solutions to answer the following crowdsourced questions from followers:

How do I reduce anxiety for myself, and comfort and reassure my partner during this crisis?

I’m around my partner all the time, and we don’t have much desire for sex right now. How can we spice things up and re-capture that sense of excitement?

We’re both stuck at home at this intense time, which is driving us to nitpick and fight with each other over lots of small things that wouldn’t normally bother us. What can we do?

My partner and I are stuck in different cities, and I’m feeling lonely and bored now that we’re separated. What can we do to feel more connected?

My partner thinks I am over reacting and minimizes my fear of the coronavirus, how can I get them to take it more seriously?

Is it even safe to have sex these days?

Kim and Sara talk about why the power of “teamwork” is more essential than ever during these times, and the need for the 4Cs – creativity, communication, connection and commitment – to strengthen any relationship, and keep things hot and sexy!

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What were you taught in sex-ed, and what do you wish you had learned? Often there’s a big difference between the two!

Sara and guests Jules Hannaford, teacher and host of the Hong Kong Confidential podcast and comedian Elena Gabrielle of Story Party, talk about the sex education we received, which was shrouded in fear, abstinence and shame.

We share our early sexual experiences, and reflect on what we wished we’d known about STI’s, consent and responsibility at that time.

We also talk about how we learned about sex and intercourse from a biological standpoint, but there never seemed to be enough focus on the social and practical aspects of sexual relationships.

Jules gives some guidance for parents on how to speak to their children about sex from a young age and encourage a healthy sexuality. We conclude that sex education shouldn’t just start and end in school, it can be an ongoing journey of learning for adults too.

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Is your perception of BDSM and kink informed by the infamous Fifty Shades of Gray?

Even though the Fifty Shades franchise does a lot to bring BDSM to the mainstream, it also get a lot of things wrong. Particularly one of BDSM’s key principles, negotiating consent.

Sara and co-host Kat sit down with Jannus of KinkBites — a veteran kinkster, community organizer, and Hong Kong dungeon manager — to lament the Fifty Shades effect, and the myths and misconceptions around BDSM that it perpetuates.

We talk about how the “church of kink” is full of variety (and not all about pain) and how kinky people come from all walks of life. Jannus’s shares his own personal introduction to kink – when his desire to learn how to do better drag resulted in a fateful encounter with Mistress Decima, Hong Kong’s “Godmother of Kink”.

Jannus provides recommendations to beginners and newbies who want to get started with BDSM. He sheds light on common BDSM terminology, what toys one can start with, dating as a kinky person and how to introduce a vanilla partner to your kinks. All in a fun, non-threatening, consensual manner. 

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Do people with disabilities have a right to be sexual? And what can they teach able-bodied people about intimacy and sexuality? 

On this episode, Sara and co-host Kat talk to Carmen Yau, a registered social worker with a PhD from Hong Kong Polytechnic University and founder of erotica collection, “Sugar’s XXX Stories”.

Having been born with spinal muscular atrophy, Carmen is an iconic spokesperson for the sexual equality of people with disabilities and women. She is very vocal about breaking the taboo of people with disabilities often being considered asexual, as well as debunking other myths.

Armed with her own personal experiences living in a traditional Asian culture which focuses on “infantilising” people with disabilities as a form of protection, she shares how she was able to explore her sexuality, in spite of her physical limitations.

In particular, she talks about the creativity that people with disabilities use in terms of coming up with unique sex toys, sex positions, and even how their bodies can sometimes develop heightened senses that can lead to “abstract orgasms”

This episode will challenge your idea of what is considered “normal” in sex and sexuality. Listen in as Carmen shares an empowering message for everyone, whether disabled or able-bodied -about loving one’s body and valuing oneself. She believes that how you perceive yourself impacts how you conduct yourself with others, and how fruitful your life will be.  

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How do we keep that initial passion for sex and intimacy alive for the long-haul?

Highly sought after sexual/marital psychotherapist and founder of The Academy of Lasting Love, Nikki Green shares some illuminating lessons with Sara and co-host Kat from over 20 years of experience primarily working with women in Hong Kong.

She believes that great sex can definitely survive over the long-haul however it’s a myth that it will just happen spontaneously and naturally. Sex is usually full of passion early on in the relationship, but the reality is that this addictive “dopamine high” gradually drops as time passes, and extra effort is required if a couple wants to maintain a healthy sex life.

Nikki emphasizes being deliberate around keeping that spark alive throughout your relationship, regardless of desire. In her view, relying on desire alone isn’t enough to keep a relationship consistently juicy as desire goes up or down at any time.

Instead, making sex in a relationship last is about a commitment to connection, adventure, intimacy and requires a whole different mindset. A big part of which includes scheduling and showing up fully. Listen in as Nikki lays out a roadmap to make this a reality in any relationship!

Download Nikki’s free Spice of Love mini-course – Conversations for Deeper and more Fulfilling Intimacy, which includes questions you can ask each other to immediately improve intimacy and erotic satisfaction. 

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Ever felt self-conscious about your body during sex? Studies show that shame and anxiety about one's body lead to the avoidance of physical intimacy and reduced sexual satisfaction.

On this episode, Sara and co-host Kat follow Curvasian.com founder and body positive advocate Bertha Chan through her journey that led her to thrive as a plus-size woman in Asia.

Having never been able to find a dress to fit into growing up—not to mention having to endure judgement from those who were dear to her—a fateful encounter with a plus size and body positivity community on Instagram inspired Bertha to take an active role in empowering millions of women just like her around the world.

Bertha touches on why its so important that body positivity starts with self acceptance, and not relying on other people to validate you.

She also shares some of her strategies around becoming more body confident in the bedroom, including how to have an open conversation with one’s partner and also how she asks her partner to shower love on the specific body parts she feels insecure about during sex.

This is a brave, vulnerable conversation about resisting the challenges and pressures that society places upon us to look a certain way or fit a certain mould. Regardless of what size or shape you are, we learn what can be done to cultivate a stronger sense of body positivity as a practice in our day-to-day lives, and of course, our sex life!

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We all love orgasms because they feel good, but are we actually using them to their full potential?

Life and business coach Ying Han Cheng or “Hani” from YOLO Abundance believes that we can harness powerful orgasmic energy to create abundance and success in the rest of our lives – including our careers, business and personal lives. 

On this episode, Hani shares the philosophy behind the YUMMY orgasm, a unique practice brought about by orgasmic meditation, which combines mindfulness and orgasm.  The goal of this practice is not orgasm per se, but rather tapping into our transformative life force, and expanding our experience of pleasure, fulfillment and vitality.

Things start getting considerably juicier as Sara and co-host Kat then demonstrate a 5 minute orgasmic meditation on-air together with Hani, who breaks it down step-by-step. 

Want to learn more about transforming your life with YUMMY orgasms? Hani has created a free mini-course especially for Better in Bed listeners with practical secrets and strategies on how to get started.

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How has technology changed the world of dating and finding love?

In some ways, the Internet has made it easier to meet and connect with people outside our immediate social circle. Yet it’s also exploded our options, and the choices can be paralysing. So finding love could be more challenging.

Sara and co-host Prescott (http://prescottgaylord.com), discuss the impact that online dating has had on our psyches, and whether we still believe in romance.

Or if ghosting and unsolicited dick pics have gotten in the way.

We are also joined by Lauryn Huang, the ex-CEO of Grouvly, a dating and matchmaking agency based in Singapore.

As a trained matchmaker, Lauryn is a staunch believer in love and wants to help people find real connection. Often she helps clients who have become jaded with swiping, online dating and want a more personal touch.

In addition to finding her clients tailored matches, she also coaches them on how to become the most fulfilled and attractive people they can be.

She talks Sara and Prescott through setting up a matchmaking profile, and reveals the mojo behind her matchmaking methodology… to hilarious results!

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We all know that wellness is important, but how about sexual wellness?

Sara and co-host Ben are recording from London this episode, and they talk to Billie Quinlan and Anna Hushlak, the creators of Ferly (formerly called Leika at time of recording), an app that guides women through various areas of sexual wellness, aiming to transform their relationship to sex.

Billie and Anna introduce the concept of sexual wellness, which is not merely the freedom from sexual dysfunction, but also the ability to experience sexual pleasure.We discuss why people sometimes don’t equate sex with wellness and as such, tend to overlook it.

Billie and Anna deliver an empowering message – equating sexual wellness with self-respect and self-love, and defining the impact that it has on a woman's entire life, not just in the bedroom.

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Want more “Secrets of the Bedroom”? Cumming right up! 

**This sequel episode covers all the material that we’d crowdsourced for the live show but didn’t end up being featured due to time - and public decency - constraints. We recommend that you listen to episode 19 before this episode to get the full Secrets experience.** 

Jye and Sara are joined by Kat Leung, our live show panelist as we reflect on the highlights of the live show, as well as the entire Better in Bed season. 

We share more bedroom secrets to answer your burning questions - getting in the mood, sex positions, trying new things in the bedroom and more.  

We also respond to awkward sex stories and tackle some of the sillier entries that might get you blushing. Hint: anal sex features prominently! 

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Produced by Jye Smith (@jyesmith, jye@doublestar.co)  

What's the secret to.... having a threesome? Having anal sex pleasurably? Using a strap-on? Or keeping sex fresh in a long-term relationship?    Everything is on the table at our live podcast, which was recorded on International Women's Day, and featured a panel of our favourite podcast guests and sex experts answering burning questions crowdsourced from our audience, i.e. you!   We laughed (and maybe died a little inside) over the awkward sex stories that were shared and some of the things you wished more of your partners knew in the bedroom.    This episode celebrated a significant milestone for our podcast, and we are grateful to everyone who contributed in helping us make sex something we all want to talk about!    --- Want to get even Better in Bed? Download the audio guide.

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Produced by Jye Smith (@jyesmith, jye@doublestar.co)  

Is porn harmful or beneficial?    With 30million people watching it every second and the average age of exposure being 11 years, porn in today's world has become a pervasive force we can't ignore.    On this episode, Sara and Jye are joined by sex-positive friends Taura Edgar and Ross Gawelek to discuss all things porn. We discuss our personal experiences of porn, from how we discovered it to how its evolved, and the resulting impact on our watching habits.    By sharing the different types of porn we're drawn to - from Bang Brothers to DIY to the ethical variety - we discover the world of porn represents a diversity of our sexual experiences and desires, which we don't have to be ashamed of.    We openly explore the pros and cons of porn, and are reminded that we can afford to be more mindful about what we watch and how we watch it.     ---

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Produced by Jye Smith (@jyesmith, jye@doublestar.co)  

Think swinging is just for leathery, old couples swishing around keys in a bowl? Think again.    Or maybe swing again... and from that chandelier in the sex club!    On this episode, Sara and Jye explore another form of open relationship with married couple, Ben and Fern Bale, who open up about how swinging keeps their relationship fresh and exciting.    They also explain basic swinger terminology ("soft swap, anyone?") and protocol, debunk common swinger myths and as well as give newbies tips on out how to negotiate the highs and lows of swinging.   By being so open with each other and their loved ones about the nature of their relationship, Fern ended up getting her Dad interested in participating in the swinging scene himself!    ---

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Produced by Jye Smith (@jyesmith, jye@doublestar.co)  

Why do we always want what we can't have? And want to do the things we shouldn't do?

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Produced by Jye Smith (@jyesmith, jye@doublestar.co)  

 Fintech, edtech, healthtech... and now, what is sextech? 

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Produced by Jye Smith (@jyesmith, jye@doublestar.co)  

How well acquainted are you with ... tops, bottoms, otters, wolves, bears, cubs or twinks?    Sara and Jye take a lighthearted look at some of the most common terminology used in the gay world with their guest Tom Attenborough this episode.    Tom shares his views on the classic "nature vs nurture" debate, and questions if it really matters. We also discuss the biggest stereotypes about gay people, whether the "gaydar" actually exists, and how the gay scene in Hong Kong compares with the rest of the world.    We then debunk the biggest myths around gay sex, and discover why there's a lot more to gay sex than "one person bending over, and the other smashing it in"!     ---  

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Produced by Jye Smith (@doublestarco, jye@doublestar.co)  

Love it or hate it, we all have to play the dating game to stand a chance of finding love or even getting laid.    Sara and Jye discuss the triumphs and travails of dating in today's world with the very entertaining Elena Gabrielle. As a comedienne from touring dating show "Story Party" and host of sex-positive, underground variety show Dirrty Cabaret in Berlin, Elena has heard it all.     From stories of bad boys with ankle bracelets, to second cousins and anal speculums, Elena shares the good, bad, and truly filthy dating stories that she's picked up on tour.      We also talk about sex on the first date, "ghosting" and how online dating has changed the game. So stop swiping and start listening!    --- 

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Produced by Jye Smith (@jyesmith, jye@doublestar.co)  

There's lots to feel happy - or even "hysterical" - about on this episode, because its all about sex toys!

Sara and Jye record their very first mobile podcast at Hong Kong's female-friendly, intimate lifestyle store Sally Coco, surrounded by all the wonderful things that vibrate, pulsate and oscillate. We follow the personal journey of founder Vera Lui, who talks about how a vibrator changed her life and led her to start Sally Coco.

Discover the unlikely origins and evolution of sex toys, as well as what benefits they can bring to your sex life. We discuss what constitutes sex toy etiquette with a new partner, and Vera gives her special recommendations on how to choose a sex toy.

So whether you're a nervous beginner, adventurous couple, busy mom or student on a budget, its time to get buzzing!

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Produced by Jye Smith (@doublestarco, http://doublestar.co)

Need yet another reason this year to hit the gym? Well, tune in and drop it like a squat!

On this episode, fitpreneur Mack Pijewski of MackFitt joins Jye and Sara in the studio to deconstruct the link between sex and fitness, and the discussion spans neurochemicals, nutrition, mobility and more.

Find out if "coregasms" actually exist, why pelvic floor training is beneficial for both sexes, and whether sex has an impact on performance before a big sporting event. 

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Produced by Jye Smith (@doublestarco, doublestar.co)  

What is female ejaculation, aka squirting? And why is it considered so hot yet so controversial? 

Sara and Jye are joined in the studio by sex educator Christina Antonyan, founder of Confident Lovers for literally, the juiciest episode on record yet. So don't forget your umbrella! 

We dive headfirst into the mystery and fantasy surrounding squirting, as well as debate the science behind what female ejaculate consists of. 

Christina and Sara share their top tips for people who want to explore squirting, and explain why its desirable sometimes to get wet, wild and messy. Laundry bills not included.

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Parents cringe. Teachers blush. Shame ensues. But why is talking about sex so taboo in Asian culture?  

Bubbly Hong Kong media personality Alyson Hau (侯嘉明) joins Sara and Jye to discuss what lies behind this cultural taboo, and how Asian attitudes differ from Western views on sex. 

Discover why Hong Kong has so little sex, and the intriguing Cantonese vocabulary for genitals – birds, flutes, abalone anyone? 

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Produced by Jye Smith (@doublestarco, jye@doublestar.co)  

There's yet another gender gap to think about, and this one takes place not in the boardroom, but in the bedroom.

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Produced by Jye Smith (jye@doublestar.co)  

Tease? Please? But just don't leave.... before listening to this sizzler of an episode!

Sara and Jye are captivated by guest Ea Holm's fascinating journey from hippie flower child to international stripper to aerial arts instructor; and what it has taught her about the power of tease. 

We talk about how tease is a playful form of seduction that can take many forms, from a lingering caress to cheeky banter. But overall, the true masters of tease are able to arouse and stimulate the body's biggest sex organ - the brain! 

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Produced by Jye Smith (jye@doublestar.co)  

Open relationships may not be for everyone, but neither is monogamy.  What types of open relationships exist? And is an open relationship right for you?

Sara and Jye crack open this challenging topic with the help of professional relationship and dating coach Valentina Tudose, founder of Happy Ever After.

After lifting the veil on the big, "scary" world of non-monogamy, Valentina shares her personal story and what she's learned firsthand about making an open relationship work. 

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Produced by Jye Smith (jye@doublestar.co)  

Want to get fluent in the language of cunnilingus? Then ditch licking those ABCs and get your earphones on.

Jye leads the show this week with the help of fellow cunning linguist Roland, and together they discuss the "innies" and "outies" of delivering the kind of oral pleasure that women want and love. They even manage to teach Sara an interesting thing about the female sexual anatomy... 

From warming up women who may initially feel shy about oral, to what to do when tongues get tired, Jye and Roland tackle some tasty questions on this show that will bring a smile to your lips and leave a good taste in your mouth. 

Want to get even Better in Bed? Download the audio guide.

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Detailed show notes for this episode here.

Produced by Jye Smith (jye@doublestar.co)  

Does the start of kids = the end of your sex life? Sara and Jye invite Zosha Piotrowski, fitness instructor and mum of two kids aged nine and seven, on the show to find out the truth! 

Zosh shares her survival strategies and sexy date night inspiration to re-ignite the sexual spark after kids - behind very firmly locked doors. 

A must-listen for people with kids, people planning kids, and even people with a phobia of kids, like Sara! 

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Produced by Jye Smith (jye@doublestar.co)  

Is getting to know the penis as straightforward as it seems? Sara and Jye are joined this week by Christina Antonyan, founder of Confident Lovers to discuss - at length - the male sex organ.    Sara and Christina share their top tips for penis pleasure, and talk about what men like most and least about having their penises stimulated.   We tackle whether size really matters, circumcised vs uncircumcised penises, and why a blowjob or a hand job really shouldn't be "a job".   ----

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Produced by Jye Smith (jye@doublestar.co)  

We’re revving up our “O” engines by talking about masturbation and its benefits. This week, we invite ex-Passionately Yours event manager, Kat Leung into our Narnian closet of sexual disclosure (i.e. recording studio) to exchange early masturbation memories and fantasies.

Sara talks about why women tend to start masturbating later than men, and shares some tips for getting started. So make a “masturbation date” with us, and tune in. But be warned, you may never look at a hairbrush the same way again!

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Produced by Jye Smith (@jyesmith / jye@doublestar.co)