Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled

A single parent writes that she is frustrated and exhausted by her almost 3-year-old’s constant resistance. Every aspect of their lives is either a negotiation or a struggle: dressing, leaving the house, getting into his car seat, drop-offs at school. In this encore episode, the the mom describes some recent big transitions in her boy’s life, and she is sensitive to the possibility that he may have separation issues. She says she does incorporate many of Janet’s ideas into her parenting practices, but she’s desperate for some guidance to make their relationship less challenging. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠ and ⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠. You can pre-order a signed copy of Janet's upcoming book BABY PERSON from Book Soup at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/4xhJ2zZ⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A parent describes her past year as “brutal” and lists a series of traumatic life events. “I am not okay,” she admits. She says she doesn’t have the energy to remain unruffled when dealing with her kids and feels that she is failing them. While this mom is taking all the right steps to restore herself and find balance in her life, she wonders if Janet has advice about how to manage her needs and those of her children. “It’s not my magnificent kids’ fault,” she writes. “How do I make this time of failure less bad for my kids?” In this encore episode, Janet offers some insights and practical steps this mom can take to address her dilemma. Download Cash App Today: https://click.cash.app/ui6m/0karpg86 You can pre-order a signed copy of Janet's upcoming book BABY PERSON from Book Soup at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/4xhJ2zZ⁠ Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When our kids won't go with the flow of the day and seem to push back on everything, it's often because they're sitting on feelings they can't easily express. In this episode, Janet responds to a note from a parent whose nine-year-old son won't respond to requests to shower, brush his teeth, do simple chores, or get dressed and ready for school. At the same time, this boy has been remarkably articulate in describing his feelings about being “a middle child," being replaced and losing his parents’ attention. Despite his parents’ efforts to make him feel loved, his hurt seems to surface as anger and resistance. Janet offers advice for addressing the situation and shares a revelation about her own nine-year-old daughter’s distress during a transition. Please support our sponsors! You can pre-order a signed copy of Janet's upcoming book BABY PERSON from Book Soup at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/4xhJ2zZ⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What do we do when our kids seem stuck on repeat—like when they keep asking us the same question over and over or making the same demand? Even on our best days, their persistence can quickly wear us down. We respond once calmly, twice firmly, and by the third time all bets are off. We've lost our patience. Janet responds to a mom whose four-year-old repeats the same list of requests every morning. She explores why kids get stuck in these patterns and how getting everyone unstuck is simpler than we might imagine. Please support our sponsors! You can pre-order a signed copy of Janet's upcoming book BABY PERSON from Book Soup at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/4xhJ2zZ⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this episode, Janet shares updates from parents whose concerns she has addressed in recent episodes — one about a preschooler’s escalating meltdowns at drop-off; another about a toddler pulling her own hair when overwhelmed; and a third about a two-and-a-half-year-old becoming increasingly fearful of seemingly random things. The parents’ follow-up letters offer a candid look at what helped, what changed, and what these parents discovered when they approached their children’s struggles in a new way. Please support our sponsors! You can pre-order a signed copy of Janet's upcoming book BABY PERSON from Book Soup at: ⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/4xhJ2zZ⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A parent writes that her mother is constantly asking her bright 17-month-old to perform and grows frustrated when he doesn’t oblige. The truth is, we often think connecting with kids means entertaining them, getting them to laugh or, as in this grandparent's case, encouraging them to show us what they can do. Yet, real connection is much easier and more organic than that. It is about paying attention, listening, and genuinely taking in who our children are. Janet explores why asking children to perform can get in the way of deeper connection—and how doing less and trusting more  can foster more authentic relationships. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠. You can pre-order a signed copy of Janet's upcoming book BABY PERSON from Book Soup at: ⁠⁠https://bit.ly/4xhJ2zZ⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When school starts, our children’s days can quickly fill with classes, activities, homework, and screens, crowding out opportunities that are critical to their development and emotional health: play. A parent wonders whether full-time school means sacrificing the slower, more playful childhood she wants for her son. Janet reassures this parent that she can have both, explaining how we can continue to prioritize play, and why this matters.   Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠. You can pre-order a signed copy of Janet's upcoming book BABY PERSON from Book Soup at: ⁠https://bit.ly/4xhJ2zZ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Many of us imagine late afternoons or evenings with our children as the perfect time to wind down and connect after a busy day. Unfortunately, this is often precisely when our children need to unload the day’s stresses. Which means that instead of enjoying restorative quality time together, we're faced with challenging behavior, high emotions, and discontent. In this encore episode, Janet unpacks some of the reasons why evenings can be so difficult for kids and what we can do to help them (and ourselves!).   Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠ and ⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠. You can pre-order a signed copy of Janet's upcoming book BABY PERSON from Book Soup at: https://bit.ly/4xhJ2zZ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A four-year-old melting down at school drop-off... A 21-month-old who's started pulling her own hair when she's frustrated or overwhelmed... Two very different situations—but the same missing piece. Janet explains why our instinct to soothe, distract, or push past our kids' hard feelings during transitions often backfires, and why doing the opposite—openly "going there" to explore the situational discomforts kids may experience, even when we can't fix them—is what actually helps kids feel less alone and more able to move through them. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What do we do when our child erupts into a full-blown tantrum—suddenly becoming what author Loryn Brantz calls a "spicy nugget"? The award-winning author and illustrator returns to Unruffled to talk about her new children's book, "I Am a Spicy Nugget." Loryn and Janet unpack what actually happens in those moments—for the child, and for the adult trying not to make it worse—including what's happening for kids when they become overwhelmed, and why the best response may be to do less, not more, and let the storm pass. Loryn's book is inspired by her own experiences raising sometimes-spicy kids. Loryn's book "I Am a Spicy Nugget" is at: https://bit.ly/4cH7VgN Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A two-and-a-half-year-old has become increasingly anxious and fearful. She often becomes overwhelmed but can't explain what's wrong beyond saying she's scared, and she wants to be picked up or removed from the situation. Her mom wonders where comfort ends and reinforcing the fear begins: “How do we give her the comfort and security she clearly needs while helping her learn that she can feel scared and still be safe?” Janet explores what may really be going on and how parents can respond in a way that respects the feelings without exacerbating them. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How frustrating is it when our kids won't listen! A parent describes her exhausting visit to a relative's house that wasn't baby-proofed. Her 15-month old son became fixated on climbing stairs. She tried to use what she understands as gentle discipline to keep him safe, but after repeatedly saying, "I won't let you..." and then resorting to removing him from the stairs, she grew frustrated, took him outside for a walk, and then "spent most of it chastising myself for completely failing.” Janet explains that far from failing, this parent is merely missing something, and she offers a simple reframe that will make setting boundaries much simpler, more effective, and less frustrating for all concerned. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Download Cash App Today: https://click.cash.app/ui6m/0karpg86 #CashAppPod Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Cash App Visa® Debit Flex Cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC, and The Bancorp Bank, N.A., pursuant to a license from Visa U.S.A. Inc. See terms and conditions for the Sutton prepaid card at cash.app/legal/us/en-us/card-agreement, for the Sutton debit flex card at cash.app/legal/us/en-us/debit-flex-card-agreement-sutton and for the Bancorp debit flex card at cash.app/legal/us/en-us/debit-flex-card-agreement-bancorp. Savings and Offers provided by Cash App, a Block Inc. brand. Offers may not be affiliated with third party merchants. Parents and legal guardians can open a managed account for kids 6-12. Cash App will pass through a portion of the interest paid on your savings balance held in an account for the benefit of Cash App customers at Wells Fargo Bank, N.A., Member FDIC. To earn interest on your Cash App savings balance, you need to have sponsor approval. Exceptions may apply. Savings yield rate is subject to change. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A parent is shaken when her five-year-old begins talking about death and saying she wants to die. Is this a warning sign? Shouldn't she be alarmed? Janet explains why these frightening statements—while they should always be taken seriously—are often very different from what parents fear, and why our instinct to reassure, explain, or shut the conversation down can unintentionally make things worse. She shares a compassionate approach that helps children feel safe enough to work through even their most unsettling thoughts. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A parent describes her 3.5-year-old as fun, loud, and opinionated at home, but "painfully shy in every other social setting," even with relatives and peers she knows well. She's greeted with enthusiasm but won't join in. Instead, she asks her parent to play with her. This issue is especially noticeable at gymnastics, where she'll happily do an activity, then suddenly refuse to continue. No amount of encouragement will get her to budge. "It's like once she clams up, she can't get out of it." With preschool just around the corner, this parent wonders how she can help her daughter feel more comfortable around other children. Janet offers an alternative perspective on this child's behavior and explains how it will further this mom's goal to help her daughter "feel confident and happy and proud of who she is."  Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A mother fears she's repeating the negative patterns that shaped her childhood and wonders if it's already too late to change. She writes that her mother used “guilt trips, the silent treatment, hitting, and what I would deem psychological abuse... She is who I learned to parent from.” While she has tried patience and reasoning with her kids, she still finds herself using harsh tones, lecturing, and yelling. "I don't know how to fix it." Janet explains why breaking these cycles isn't about becoming a perfect parent, but understanding the messages we received as kids and how they may have affected us, so that we can learn to trust ourselves to lead with clarity and confidence. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A two-year-old's adjustment to a small in-home childcare setting isn't going well. She cries through much of day, flits from activity to activity, and seeks constant validation from the caregiver, repeatedly asking, "Do you like me?" This caregiver, who is also a parent of two toddlers, is baffled as to how she might be contributing to this apparent insecurity and wonders if the girl would be happier somewhere else. She's also feeling drained and overwhelmed by the situation. Janet offers her perspective on what is really behind this toddler's tears and questions—and why trusting the child's process, rather than reacting with concern and trying to fix it, may be the very thing that helps her feel safe. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What if the parenting approach that's supposed to make family life easier is actually making it harder? Many parents are discovering that what they thought was "gentle parenting" leaves them exhausted, second-guessing themselves, and struggling to set limits. Janet explains why the answer isn't a different label — it's confident leadership — and how this shift can transform family life, strengthen relationships, help children feel secure, and make parenting calmer, clearer, and far more effective. Dr. Laura Dawson's full article from Brown University Health: https://sl1nk.com/y0rak90 Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Can we be authentic with our kids without making them feel rejected? Is it wrong to find their behavior so annoying at times? A parent worries that saying "I don't want a hug right now" when she's feeling angry or annoyed will damage her relationship with her 3-year-old. Janet explores what genuine authenticity looks like with children, and how understanding a child's behavior makes it easier to respond with confidence and connection.  Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A parent writes that her 5-year-old consistently resists getting dressed, brushing her hair, bathing, or brushing her teeth. "What starts as a simple transition can turn into an hour-long battle, with both of us ending up overwhelmed and the task often still unfinished." This mom has tried everything she can think of—timers, countdowns, reward charts, silly games, punishments—but nothing seems to help. Janet explains why these well-meaning strategies can sometimes work against connection, reframes what these daily struggles may really be asking of us, and offers a perspective on confidence that could change the way this parent approaches the next difficult moment. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A 4-year-old struggles when friends won't follow her rules of play. A 3-year-old is reserved around other people. Another preschooler is routinely excluded from a group of friends. Janet weighs in on these issues and explores how parents may be playing a bigger role in these dynamics than they realize, and what they can do instead to encourage their kids to build confidence, resilience, and healthy social skills. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A parent wonders if it’s respectful—or even reasonable—to expect to sometimes have an adult conversation with her partner over dinner when their three-year-old constantly interrupts, protests, and demands attention. The situation leaves this mom questioning her approach to respectful parenting. Janet explores what children are truly ready for and how confidence in our boundaries makes all the difference, offering three practical bits of guidance to help parents approach these moments with greater clarity, conviction, and respect—for themselves and their children—while making room for both the child’s needs and the parents’ relationship. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A parent writes that she's struggling with her nearly 2.5-year old's hitting. Her toddler also talks a lot about pushing and hitting her friends "almost as if it's a joke." The parent's various attempts to curb this behavior aren't working, and she's feeling defeated. Meanwhile, the toddler's language is sounding increasingly intense and violent. Janet advises a reframe that's simpler than most parents might expect and applies to many other concerning childhood behaviors as well. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A parent is concerned about the negative, judgmental comments her parents and in-laws make about her children’s behavior and their parenting. She writes that she and her husband try to implement Janet’s advice (with a mix of Montessori). While she says she isn’t personally offended by their old school opinions, she does worry about “the confusing, sometimes negative, shaming, mixed messages” and how those might affect her children. In this encore episode, Janet offers advice how she and her husband can gracefully navigate “the outside noise.” Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

While every child will eventually and inevitably learn to use the potty, the process can be stressful, frustrating, and often counterproductive for both the child and caregiver. Janet knows it doesn’t have to be this way. In this encore episode, she offers her perspective on the process and a potty learning method that recognizes a child’s natural motivation to achieve this milestone (they can do this), and how parents can support the effort without pressure, bribes, or deal-making. The result is a child whose self-confidence grows in all areas because he has been allowed to own this accomplishment. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠ and ⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A mother has questions about her three-year-old son's impulsive, dysregulated behavior and the differences in the way she and her husband are handling it. She handles these moments calmly and gently, while her husband tends to be firmer, requires the child to correct his actions, and uses language like "don't be destructive." She’s concerned that his response crosses a line from setting healthy limits into causing shame. He feels their son is more likely to act out when she’s around and is more likely to listen and behave more calmly in his company.  Janet offers her perspective on what both parents may be missing. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When your child melts down, do you freeze, give in, or reach for a distraction trick? Janet explains why trying to stop the storm only makes it worse and how your own triggers and discomfort may be driving your response. She offers advice to help us hold boundaries, encourage our kids' resilience, and create lasting calm. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A parent describes a deceptively simple disagreement with her father about her 2.5-year-old son's unwillingness to share a bowl of blueberries. This mom doesn't believe a child will develop a generous spirit or other positive character traits by being coerced, but her father's more authoritarian view differs. Janet points out the nuances of the situation, which touch on big questions about sharing, boundaries, and raising kids who genuinely want to be kind. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When a toddler plays favorites, it stings. One parent writes: "It feels as if I'm being rejected when I'm the one who's with her all day, putting so much energy into her care. It make me feel that I'm insufficient as a parent." Janet unpacks the surprising reasons behind parent preference —and the mindset that makes it stop. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A mother writes that she's been struggling with her 5-year-old daughter lately, who's been "provoking and testing boundaries on a new level." She has been especially harsh on her two-year old sibling, but when this mom and her partner step in, it inevitably leads to confrontation, tears, and hurtful words. Janet suggests an empathic approach—understanding the "why" behind this behavior -- and explains when, why, and how her approach to setting effective limits works. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A parent describes her 4-year-old daughter as smart, funny, incredibly strong-willed, but sometimes “downright mean.” While she appreciates her child’s spirit and doesn’t want to stifle that, when she says mean things to her she doesn’t feel it’s enough to simply acknowledge her daughter’s emotions and let slide her hurtful words and behavior. “I need her to find a better way to express that she is angry with me,” she writes. In this encore episode, Janet offers a perspective on the situation that she believes will help this mom better understand her daughter’s unconscious motives and intent, and ultimately ameliorate the behavior. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Janet offers her advice for handling typical playground behaviors in preschool-aged children, such as physical aggression, bossiness, and shyness. Whether our child is exhibiting these behaviors or they're on the receiving end of another child's dysregulation, in this encore episode Janet shares how helping children to feel understood, protected, and supported encourages the most positive learning process. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When a toddler throws his fork, tips over his bowl, and falls apart over the wrong-sized watermelon pieces — what is really going on? In this episode, Janet responds to a mom of a two-and-a-half-year-old with a new baby just weeks away who describes her son's throwing, hitting, and increasingly impossible-to-please demands. She writes, "This completely breaks my heart and really stresses me out."  Janet shares the one simple but counterintuitive shift that can change almost everything. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A parent describes the power struggles he and his partner go through with their daughter to get her to brush her teeth. The process has deteriorated into a wrestling match. While on the one hand, the parents feel it's their responsibility to make sure their toddler's teeth get brushed. On the other, they sense that they are damaging their relationship, perhaps permanently. This dad writes: "Part of me thinks a calm, confident leader just gets it done, but getting it done currently means two adults restraining a screaming, fighting child."  Janet offers a different perspective on toothbrushing and other daily routines that emphasize cooperation over control.  Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In a previous 'Unruffled' episode, a parent reached out to Janet with concerns about her then 8-month-old son's play . "If I leave the room, he stands at the gate and screams and cries, even if he can see me and we are chatting." She wondered, "Should I work on doing some exposure therapy, so to speak, leaving the room for short periods of time.. ?" Janet suggested a more organic, relationship-centered approach, and then had a back and forth with this mom. Now, nearly two years later, the mom has written back with an update describing her learning curve and her process.   Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You may have heard Janet, other parents, or early childhood professionals speak about "RIE" (pronounced "rye"). Perhaps they described "RIE" as profound and life changing.  Or maybe they outright panned it. They may have brought up elements that sounded odd or controversial or even ridiculous. You wondered what this was really all about. In this episode  you'll hear RIE Executive Director Melani Ladygo and Janet respond thoroughly and passionately to the questions: What is RIE, and how does it help us as parents? Find out more about RIE at: RIE.org Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A parent writes that she's become uncomfortable with the language she's using when setting limits with her daughter. She's using a lot of "if/then" ultimatums and doesn't like the suggestion of a threat. "I was an elementary school teacher for years before having children and am realizing I'm still recovering from all the behaviorism my teacher training instilled in me." She asks Janet "if there's another way you would suggest going about this." Janet recommends a simple adjustment this parent can make that's actually the key to her respectful parenting approach.  Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A parent feels devastated by recent behavior her 5-year-old daughter has picked up from her peers. She has tried speaking calmly to her about the issue, but this hasn't helped.  Janet offers what she hopes is a beneficial perspective that may help ameliorate her daughter's behavior. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A parent feels confused by her children's demands and wonders if her boundaries are too unclear. Another parent feels overwhelmed by her 4-year-old's emotional behavior at the preschool she opened at her home: "He's gotten increasingly unsafe, hitting, pushing, screaming, etc." She regrets she hasn't been able to be more trusting and acknowledges, "I know I'm putting an expectation on him that isn't fair." A third parent has been facing a series of personal hardships, and she worries that her sadness and anxiety are negatively affecting her child. Janet offers all three of these families what she believes is a helpful (though counterintuitive) healing path toward connection. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Trauma informed coaches Lavinia Brown and Andrew Lynn join Janet to discuss how they help parents identify triggers and heal wounds that are preventing them from being the parents they wish to be and otherwise negatively impact their daily lives. Andrew says: "Trauma robs you of the freedom to choose how you react." In this encore episode, Lavinia and Andrew describe some of the common signs of trauma and repressed emotions, how they recognized their own, and how their respective coaching practices enable parents to process these emotions by connecting with the needs of their inner child. Reach Lavinia at ⁠LaviniaBrown.com⁠. Her Instagram is LaviniaBrownCoaching. Reach Andrew at ⁠AndrewLynn.net⁠, or on Instagram at Andrew.g.Lynn. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠ and ⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Inspired by a couple's Instagram video of their determined toddler, Janet shares a 4-step sequence of responses to encourage our kids to persevere, even through frustration.  Deddeh Howard's video: https://www.instagram.com/p/DKfLwy0p2q-/?hl=en Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Janet responds to questions from two parents who describe their sensitive children struggling with separation, transitions, and general emotional overwhelm. One writes, “I go into panic mode when I see his eyes widen with worry,” while another admits, “I often see the meltdown coming… and don’t know how to help without making it worse.” Both parents admit they have their own strong emotional reactions to their kids' struggles including fear, guilt, and self-doubt. Janet points out how our own discomfort can exacerbate our children's, and how caring for ourselves is both compassionate and foundational to effective parenting. She offers solutions how these parents might more readily trust their children to feel and process their discomfort.  Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Toddler twins are suddenly melting down at bedtime. A 5-year-old is struggling to manage his unruly friend. Janet explains how parents in both these cases can help to resolve these issues by better understanding their children's sensitivity to change.  Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Janet believes that one of the biggest hurdles for us as parents is our own self-doubt and hopes that 2026 will be the year we stop second-guessing ourselves.  With this in mind, she offers suggestions to 3 families who've written to her about their current struggles. The first is a mom whose 2.75-year-old seems to be stalling during transitions and melting down when the mom doesn't comply with her demands. This parent says, "... my biggest struggle and question is how do we trust our kids' feelings and be there for them when we feel the pressure to keep our schedule on track and move forward?" A second parent is caring for three young children and worries she's not giving them enough play time with her. "I struggle to be playful and silly with my kids because I'm constantly navigating the mental load of being a mom of multiple children." Finally, a parent who just gave birth to her second child is feeling lost as to how to handle her 4-year-old's rudeness towards friends and family members. "This is the button she instinctively knows to push that will leave me ruffled and floundering as a parent because I greatly value manners, gratitude and politeness." Janet offers each of these families what she hopes is encouraging and helpful feedback.  Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A parent struggles to control emotions like anger, frustration, and disappointment when they’re triggered by her toddler. While she strives to be a confident leader by appearing calm and unruffled, she also wants to model her emotions authentically for her child. In this encore episode, Janet clarifies what it really means to be "unruffled" and how parents can approach this goal without faking or stuffing their emotions. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A parent wants to get out of a cycle of bribing her 3.5-year old and writes to Janet for help. “It seems that in order to get him to do anything, I have to offer a reward, treat, or special outing.” If these strategies don’t work, she says, she will threaten to take something away. This mom admits that she is a people pleaser, so when she does set a boundary, she feels guilty about it. She worries that she’s teaching this to her son. “I don’t want him to feel guilty about his feelings or his boundaries.” Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Every child is certainly unique, but when it comes to their behavior, we can sometimes complicate a situation that might really be quite simple to address. This week Janet shares an email from a parent who says her nearly 4-year-old has lately been argumentative and having meltdowns over the smallest things. "She seems to want to self-sabotage and create problems where there are none." This parent has tried to be consistent in her responses but to no avail. "Is it a cry for attention?" she wonders. "Either way we're not making any progress or seeing the light at the end of the tunnel."  A second note comes from the mother of a 4.5-year old looking for book recommendations "for guidance on how to help her follow our instructions more readily." Janet recommends a single solution for both these parents.  Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

As parents, we do our best to raise kind, thoughtful, appreciative kids. But despite our efforts, our children can sometimes seem downright ungrateful. In this episode, a mom writes to Janet about her frustrations with her sons, aged six and four. Rather than appreciate the gifts and special outings she treats them to, they inevitably ask for more, more, more and then complain when she won't give it to them. "It feels like nonstop unhappiness when I'm trying so hard to make them happy." This mom wonders if perhaps it's expecting too much of her kids to feel grateful when they are legitimately disappointed, but she wants them to learn to focus on the positive. Janet offers her perspective on what causes children to behave this way and offers three suggestions that can help our kids to appreciate the efforts we make for them.  Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Janet responds to emails from parents who describe struggling with their children’s strong emotions. One writes that her 2-year-old rejects her comfort when he has a meltdown. “It breaks my heart, and I feel like I must be doing something wrong.” Another writes that her 7-year-old says he doesn’t feel love from his mother. Another email describes how a 3-year-old’s tantrums last all afternoon and into the evening, disrupting the rest of the family’s routine, and they “all feel trapped by a 3-year-old.” And a therapist observes that her child holds in emotions in front of family and peers. In this encore episode, Janet identifies the common thread in all these situations and offers a hopeful answer to weather the storms. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We all aspire for our children to grow up with a positive self-image and an abundance of self-confidence. When life throws our child a dilemma, it’s our natural instinct to want to fix it, or at least work them through the uncomfortable feelings with a pep talk. In this encore episode, Janet answers questions from three listeners and offers a more helpful – albeit counterintuitive – perspective that can help children learn resilience and find the kind of confidence in themselves that lasts a lifetime. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠ and ⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠. Her best-selling books ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠“No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame”⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠"Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting"⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ are available wherever books are sold. Please Support Our Sponsors. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A parent describes her 5.5-year old as the love of her life. Lately, though, her daughter has been dissolving into silly, immature behavior at inappropriate moments, melting down over nonsensical things, and demanding her mother's attention.  "It goes on and on, and I get tired and annoyed." On the other hand, this parent says she feels guilty for not playing along with her daughter's spontaneous games (like joining her in a crab-walking race down the stairs). She worries that at 5.5 years old, her daughter should be moving beyond this type of behavior. "Will she ever stop testing me, or is she just going to keep on seeing how much I can withstand?" Janet has some ideas. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Her best-selling books ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠“No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame”⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠"Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting"⁠⁠⁠⁠ are available wherever books are sold. Please Support Our Sponsors. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this episode: Janet receives a follow-up message from the mom she helped last week in the episode "Demanding, Stressed, and Aggressive—What's Happened to My Gentle Child?" The parent candidly shares aspects of Janet's advice that did and didn't work. She then reveals a transformative discovery: "We were getting boundaries and discipline all wrong. We were not being confident leaders or using honest consequences." This mom shares how the situation finally clicked for her and she was able to achieve positive results just three days later. "... The change is already incredible. I can see our four-year-old's real smile, silly loving nature, happiness for the day in the morning, and so much less aggression." Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Her best-selling books ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠“No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame”⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠"Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting"⁠⁠⁠ are available wherever books are sold. Please Support Our Sponsors. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A stressed parent writes that her 4-year-old has been having a very difficult time for the past year. He's anxious, easily frustrated, "screams and stomps so loud it scares the baby," and is physically aggressive toward his older sister. Prior to this, she describes him as "such a gentle, thoughtful boy." She assumes some of his moods and behavior may be attributed to the arrival of the new baby, and she empathizes, but she wonders what to do.  Janet has several suggestions to both better understand what her son is going through, how to communicate with him, and steps she can take to alleviate her own worry and stress.   Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠. Her best-selling books ⁠⁠⁠⁠“No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame”⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠"Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting"⁠⁠ are available wherever books are sold. Please Support Our Sponsors. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A parent writes that the bedtime routine with her 5.5 year old daughter has become an all-consuming marathon, and she feels exhausted, frustrated, and disconnected. "I don't enjoy motherhood right now," she says, "and that's painful to admit because I love my daughter so much." She describes a typical evening that begins calmly enough with snacks, bathing, teeth, and a book, but inevitably her daughter sidetracks the process with demands to go pee, first-aid for a booboo, and sometimes declaring that she's scared. "She knows exactly which needs I'll respond to, and I end up stuck in the loop again."  Janet offers insight into this parent's dynamic with her daughter and why this 'loop' continues. She then makes some suggestions as to what her child might need in their relationship for this frustrating merry-go-round to finally stop.  Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠. Her best-selling books ⁠⁠⁠“No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame”⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠"Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting"⁠ are available wherever books are sold. Please Support Our Sponsors. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

At the heart of Janet's parenting approach is respectful, honest communication between us and our kids beginning in infancy—which means observing and listening to kids at least as much as we talk to them. It also means walking through our own fears to accept our child's most uncomfortable feelings and broach difficult conversations. In this episode, Janet shares a parent's story about their child's 45 minute(!) meltdown, and how the parent eventually discovered what had caused it. This parent also describes helping their toddler gracefully handle a medical procedure. In both instances, this parent's embrace of respectful communication was the key to their success. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠. Her best-selling books ⁠⁠“No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame”⁠⁠ and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available wherever books are sold. Please Support Our Sponsors. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

No matter how we approach raising our children, there are times we'll feel physically, mentally, or emotionally exhausted. Maybe all of the above. We’re only human, of course, but it may also be that we're taking on more than we need to --- depleting our energy with roles and tasks that are better left to our child. In this encore episode, Janet offers ideas for lightening our workload by recognizing and trusting our children's intrinsic abilities. Janet's job description reframe can help save our energy, nurture self-confidence, and at the same time foster a flourishing parent-child relationship.  Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠ and ⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠. Her best-selling books ⁠“No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame”⁠ and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available wherever books are sold. Please Support Our Sponsors. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It's common for young children to go through phases of unwarranted aggression, usually directed at the ones they love most. Janet has noted that these phases are as uncomfortable for our children as it they are for us, and probably even more so. In this episode, she responds to two parents of kids who are behaving erratically and lashing out at their siblings. Both families have attempted to address these behaviors with empathy, respect, and boundaries, but they aren't seeing results. The frustrated parents admit they've sometimes reacted with threats, punishments, or shaming. Nothing seems to work. Janet offers advice that she believes will address both of these children's internal discomfort and, therefore, ease their aggressive behavior.  Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is at: ⁠⁠⁠nobadkidscourse.com⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You've no doubt heard by now about the countless benefits of our children's self-directed play. Less understood is how to nurture this invaluable instinct in our babies—every child has it. With our good intentions, though, we sometimes get in the way of play. Perhaps we intervene and unnecessarily interrupt our children's process. Or, as our kids get older, we let structured activities and excursions usurp the time they might have preferred to spend exploring, experimenting, following their own interests, and creating activities—doing what may look like "less" on the outside, but gaining profound benefits. In this episode, Janet shares  letters from parents who describe eye-opening experiences that caused them to recognize the importance of allowing their children—who are from 3 months old to 3 years old—to play their own way, and how the simple act of not intervening brought them joy and a new understanding of their child and the value of play.  Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is at: ⁠⁠nobadkidscourse.com⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We all hope to raise polite, well-behaved kids who follow rules and comply with requests, assuming these are fair, just, and appropriate. We want our kids to not only respect us but other authority figures in their lives. Yet, many of us shy away from the term "obedience," because it connotes using discipline methods that are overly strict, harsh, and authoritarian. It doesn't need to be that way. In this episode, Janet responds to a parent who feels like she needs more obedience from her almost 4-year-old. She's wondering if she's wrong to want that, even though obedience was what was expected of her as a child. Janet explains that this parent's needs are not only valid but achievable through Janet's relationship-centered approach. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is at: ⁠nobadkidscourse.com⁠. Please support our sponsors. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The root causes for our children's behaviors—especially the behaviors that most alarm and confuse us—are often confusing and complex. Sometimes, try as we might to understand and even reason with our child, the behavior only gets worse. But these behaviors may be simpler to address than we might imagine. All we need to do is recognize the intense focus that we are bringing to these behaviors and where that might coming from— often our own childhood experiences.   Janet responds to two parents who have become exasperated trying to reroute their kids' behaviors. One feels her kids constantly tune her out, leaving her feeling "disconnected and invisible." The second parent is alarmed by her son's recent interest in weaponry and some disturbingly violent threats he's been making. In both cases, the more these parents lean into their kids with words and reason, the more extreme the behavior becomes. Janet finds a clue in both stories that may be keeping these relationships stuck Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is at: ⁠nobadkidscourse.com⁠. Please support our sponsors. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

As parents, we're naturally protective of our kids' feelings and sensibilities, but as they mature and venture out socially, it's also our job to give them the tools they need to thrive in a variety of settings and with people who have differing views and engagement styles. Our kids need to learn to respect and adapt to every person's boundaries—not just ours, but those of their peers, teachers, caregivers, relatives. Then, when our child finds herself in a new situation confronted by a different norm, which is inevitable, they (and we) can perceive this as a positive learning experience and approach it with confidence.  In short, how can we best prepare our kids to adjust to life's realities? Janet explains how respectful parenting is geared to do exactly this. She illustrates by responding to two different families whose kids are having difficulty accepting other people's boundaries. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is at: nobadkidscourse.com. Please support our sponsors. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transitions tend to be difficult for young children, and they express their struggles in a variety of concerning ways. They may be focused to distraction on particular random-seeming anxieties and fears. Worse, they take their feelings out on us by being uncooperative or lashing out in violent meltdowns. Two families reach out to Janet with these issues, and she proposes a three-step approach to help resolve them. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is at: NoBadKidsCourse.com Please support our sponsors. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The parent of a 7-year-old describes writes that her daughter has become relentlessly negative and argumentative. "It feels like everything is a debate, and she says no to almost every request." As one of Janet's longtime followers, she knows not to take the behavior personally, tries to maintain a light attitude, but she often finds herself lecturing and sometimes completely losing her cool. She wonders if Janet can suggest some other way to deal with her daughter's negative attitude. "I feel so exhausted from all the debating and negotiating and fighting."  Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is at: NoBadKidsCourse.com Please support our sponsors. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It's unnerving when our kids engage in conflict with siblings or peers, whether it's over a toy, their perceived 'space', or even our attentions. As emotions escalate, so does grabbing, pushing, and sometimes hitting. No parent wants to witness this, and our instinct tends to be to try to manage the situation by separating the warring factions, comforting hurts and disappointments, figuring out alternative activities our kids can engage in, or admonishing them to "share." But peer and, especially, sibling conflicts offer our kids crucial developmental opportunities. Janet offers her perspective and advice to a parent whose children are constantly battling. She discusses how we can support our kids to resolve and learn from their conflicts, and when and how they need us to intervene. Janet's "No Bad Kids" Master Course is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please support our sponsors. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Janet welcomes a timely visit from iconic educator Mr. Chazz who shares how parents and teachers can help kids successfully transition to a new preschool or childcare situation. His focus is on trust and maintaining the sense of connection that supports parents and kids to separate with confidence.  Janet's "No Bad Kids" Master Course is at nobadkidscourse.com. Please support our sponsors. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A parent describes her 4-year-old son as energetic, independent and strong-willed. While she appreciates her son’s enthusiasm and free spirit, she constantly struggles to reign him in and finds herself yelling, "You're not listening!" As an example, she says they often take nature walks with friends, and he inevitably runs ahead at an unsafe distance. She feels overwhelmed, especially when they are out with other parents “that have high expectations for behavior." In this encore episode, Janet offers a few ways to help her son listen but “without killing his free spirit.” Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com and JanetLansbury.com. Please support our sponsors. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The practice of acknowledging our children's feelings and struggles can provide healing, calming messages of safety and acceptance. With a genuine tone and a few words, our acknowledgments can help children share pent-up emotions, feel seen and heard, and gradually regulate, which in turn eases problematic behaviors. However, parents commonly share with Janet that validating feelings doesn't work for their child and feels more like an exercise in frustration. In this encore episode, Janet speaks to some of the common reasons this practice might feel less effective, what to do instead, and why we shouldn't give up on acknowledging as a powerfully empathic relationship-building tool. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com and JanetLansbury.com. Please support our sponsors. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Janet responds to 3 messages from listeners who say their kids exhibit aggressive or violent behavior towards their peers, in one case "pushing, hitting, or attacking faces, sometimes without warning." While all these parents recognize that fatigue and other discomforts can contribute to this behavior, it often seems that their kids lash out for no reason at all. These parents have come to distrust their kids in social situations and are at their wit's end, worried they've done something wrong. "I feel like we have tried everything, and nothing is working. I just cry now because I don't know what I'm supposed to do." Janet offers insights that she hopes will ease these parents' minds as it helps them understand their children's behavior and respond in a manner that effectively changes it. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please support our sponsors. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In a previous "Unruffled" episode, Janet offered advice to a parent who was struggling with potty training. That parent wrote back recently to announce her daughter's 4-year saga had finally come to a successful conclusion... it was NOT the result of the parents following Janet's advice, but going full speed ahead in the opposite direction. In this episode, Janet revisits the guidance she originally offered, and explains why she believes her advice was unhelpful to this family. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please support our sponsors. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this popular encore episode, a parent writes that she’s overwhelmed by her two girls constantly demanding her attention, following her around their home and calling “Mommy! Mommy!” even if they are in the same room. “It’s driving me mad,” she writes. “It’s like a dripping tap. It is getting to the point where I just want to scream.” This mom notices that the girls don’t have this dynamic with their father. In fact, even if he is sitting beside them and she is in another room, they still call to her. Understandably, she feels drained and wonders if Janet can tell her what she’s doing wrong. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please support our sponsors. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Janet is joined by Grace Lautman, a therapist and nutritionist who focuses on eating disorders, the conditions that can create and aggravate them, and how eating — or not eating — can be a symptom of mental health issues. She writes: "My hope has always been to provide accepting spaces for all individuals and bodies to explore and honor their relationships with food, body, and self." Janet and Grace discuss some of the early signs of eating disorders, and how our own relationship with food and body image throughout our lives can affect our children beginning in the early years.  Grace's Website: https://www.honornutritioncounseling.com/ Instagram: honor_nutrition_counseling Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please support our sponsors. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We all want our kids to enjoy thriving friendships, to feel appreciated by supportive peers. But that's not always case, and it can be heartbreaking to see the hurt, disappointment, and confusion our child feels when — for whatever reason —friends aren't treating them as they should. How do we support our kids' to navigate this? How much should we intervene? And what might intervening look like? Janet has an empowering perspective that she hopes will help, and she explains how it might apply in the cases of 4 different families who have recently reached out to her about their kids' challenging interactions with peers.  Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please support our sponsors. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

RIE expert Hari Grebler joins Janet to discuss her respectful and surprisingly simple ideas for helping our babies to sleep. Hari's positive approach begins with babies and applies to toddlers as well, ultimately building a foundation that serves our needs and those of our children throughout their lives. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please support our sponsors. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

3 families reach out to Janet and ask, "How do I say it?" Listen to find out more! Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please support our sponsors. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

"I'm annoying, bad, stupid, not good at anything. I hate myself." It can be disconcerting to hear our kids say such unkind things about themselves, using harsh words that we've made a point not to use with them. Is this perfectionism? Low self-esteem? Passing feelings of vulnerability? What can we do to encourage our kids to stop bagging on themselves like this? How can we build up their self-image and self-confidence? Janet responds to notes from two concerned families, weighing in with encouraging advice and a point of view that can make all the difference. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please support our sponsors. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Janet responds to three parents who are worried that their kids seem overly anxious and sensitive in social situations. Each parent has tried to be patient and trusting, but they wonder if their child's temperament may be abnormal, especially when compared to their peers. Aside from frustration and concern, one parent says: "I'm so lost... Sometimes I feel shame — not about him — but because I want to do fun things with him, but he always pulls back and retreats." Janet offers advice and a lot of encouragement. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please support our sponsors. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Effective discipline can be confusing! It can feel like we're working so hard to be caring, empathetic, and patient with our kids—and not lose our temper—yet still, the challenging behaviors keep happening. And then when we try to set boundaries, our child has a meltdown that seems to last forever. What are we doing wrong? In this episode of "Unruffled" Janet explores three common reasons our attempts at respectful discipline can end up being ineffective. She suggests nuanced adjustments that can make all the difference. Her recommendations will not only help to simplify our approach (for the win!) but also help our kids to feel safe, seen, and supported, deepening our parent-child bonds. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please support our sponsors. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week Janet consults with the single mother of a 2.5-year-old who's concerned about how she's handling her daughter's behaviors. She describes her toddler as strong-willed, smart, intuitive, loving, sweet, and caring, but when she doesn't get what she wants, she loses it, throwing things, hitting, and screaming. This parent realizes that her daughter's behavior is developmentally normal and maybe even necessary, but it upsets her, as the model she was raised with was entirely different. "I grew up under the auspices of spare the rod, spoil the child," she says. "I don't want that for my baby. I will not be that kind of mom. She deserves better." Janet makes several observations as to how this parent is already achieving her goals, and offers advice for framing her toddler's behaviors in a manner that will make it easier for this mom to calm herself and continue nurturing their relationship in a positive direction.  Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please support our sponsors. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Bossiness. Toy taking. Unkind words. Hitting. Behaviors like these are particularly common between siblings but can happen with peers as well, and they're frustrating and disturbing for us to witness. How to we address them? Separate the warring factions? Issue a mandate? Negotiate a settlement? Perhaps just let it play out? In this episode, a parent writes that her four-year-old loves his 2.5-year-old sister dearly, but "he is insanely jealous, obsessed with having the same or more than her, whether it's food, toys, Easter eggs, crayons... It seemed like a phase, but it's become an obsession." This mom describes all the strategies she's tried to deal with her son's behavior, but to no avail. After considering the causes and conditions of this boy's behavior, Janet offers a respectful approach she believes help alleviate the situation for all.  Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please support our sponsors. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Loryn Brantz is an Emmy-winning author, illustrator, and mom of two, who once built puppets for Sesame Street. Loryn joined Janet on a previous episode of "Unruffled" to talk about parenting a child with disabilities, sharing the joys and challenges of her journey with honesty and her signature warmth and wit. Her new book "Poems of Parenting" is a funny, touching, and totally relatable collection about her ups and downs raising kids, the awkward and sometimes difficult moments she's come to cherish, and ultimately how she's come to embrace her role as a parent.  Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please support our sponsors. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this encore episode, Janet’s guest is Dr. William Stixrud, a clinical neuropsychologist and co-author of "The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives." Bill Stixrud's decades of experience counseling children and their parents have led to conclusions that complement and support Janet's own parenting philosophy, especially topics such as encouraging self-confidence, intrinsic motivation, and inner-directedness. And since many of Bill's clients have been with him from childhood through adolescence and into adulthood, he has the benefit of seeing the results of his practice.  Bill and Janet discuss the value of giving our kids opportunities to make choices, discover and pursue their passions, and the challenges and benefits of being a non-anxious presence (because our "calm is contagious"). Dr. Stixrud is the founder of The Stixrud Group, a member of the teaching faculty at Children’s National Medical Center, and an assistant professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the George Washington University School of Medicine.  Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please support our sponsors. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Respectful, effective discipline can be challenging for us to learn, and experience is our best teacher! With that in mind, Janet shares several encouraging success stories from parents who faced frustrating or infuriating, sometimes alarming challenges with their kids. Subjects include disobedience, bedtime struggles, tantrums, aggressiveness, hitting, self-care, boundaries, and more. Each parent describes their before-and-after experience as they implemented advice or strategies from Janet's "No Bad Kids" approach. With each small success, parents found new confidence in their leadership, a sense of surety and calm in their interactions, and the realization that their relationship with their kids was growing stronger than ever.  Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

There's nothing unusual about a child screaming, but sometimes it can become a go-to response to any situation. Janet responds to a parent who says her 3-year-old has become "stuck on screaming... She screams at her friends in the park, at my mom, at my dad, at my husband, at strangers..." And because of this parent's childhood environment, her daughter's screaming is triggering. She says it's very difficult for her to stay calm and reasonable. At times, it becomes too much for her, and although she realizes the irony in this, she ends up screaming back. Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Janet’s guest is Dr. Tina Payne Bryson. Her new book “The Way of Play” (co-authored with play therapist Georgie Wisen-Vincent) illustrates how playing with our kids in a receptive manner for even just a few minutes each day helps us to better understand them, while also encouraging their development of social skills, emotional regulation, resilience, and self-confidence. The guidelines Tina and Georgie offer in "The Way of Play" help make connecting through play easy, natural, and fun as well as richly effective for learning and bonding. As Tina explains, "The temptation can be to take over the play or be too instructive or didactic, to think we need to teach all kinds of lessons. But what's really powerful, as we follow our child's lead, is to be able to dive into their world." Janet and Tina do their own deep dive into all of these topics and more. Then they both respond to a letter from a parent struggling with her 4-year-old’s aggressive behaviors.   Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Is it ever okay to say no to our child's requests for closeness or attention, to separate when that makes them upset? What if these requests are frequent, or even seem to evolve into a habit of unreasonable, seemingly over-the-top demands? In this episode Janet responds to two notes from parents who feel they may be in this predicament. One shares that her four-year-old "starts crying hysterically and won't calm down" if the parent doesn't acquiesce to her demands immediately. This parent understandably feels stressed. "It's getting to a ridiculous point, and the demands seem to be growing," she says. "It feels like I'm being held hostage."  The second mom shares that her two-year-old often cries when she leaves her side, even when her dad is there for her. She wonders if this is a sign her daughter is anxious and if there's something more or different the parents should be doing.  In both cases, these parents are hoping to help their kids feel more confident and secure, and Janet shares a perspective she believes will help them achieve these goals.  Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Enrichment classes, lessons, sports, Sunday school, and community events like Library Story Time can benefit our kids in many ways, but what do we do if our kids won't cooperate or participate? What if they seem okay with it at first, but then later want to quit? The questions raised by a parent's letter in this podcast are common ones: If our child is clearly distressed by an activity or outright rejecting it—even if they agreed to it to begin with—is it okay to let them stop? Will quitting set a negative precedent? What if we believe the activity is teaching important skills? Whose decision is it? Janet shares her perspective on the subject and offers guidelines for helping parents navigate this puzzling and often frustrating conundrum. Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Janet is joined by inner child healing expert Lavinia Brown, whose previous appearance on "Unruffled" prompted a listener to write in to describe how she's struggled to control her angry and physically punitive responses to her three-year-old son's behavior. Raised in an authoritarian household in which she was spanked whenever she disobeyed, this mom has bravely started making changes. "I'm now convinced that spanking should never be an option," she writes. "I'm also seeing that all of these terrible parenting techniques are not working with my son. If anything, he has learned that it is acceptable to vent his frustrations by trying to hit me, kick me or scratch me." She desperately hopes she can heal her relationship with her son, who lately she noticed flinching in fear, but she worries, "Is it too late?" She also wonders how to get her husband on the same page. He tries to respect her choices but still believes that spanking can be effective. Lavinia and Janet offer their perspectives, suggestions, hope, and assurance that it's never too late for this parent or any parent to make positive, lasting changes in their relationships with their children.   Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Certain behaviors our kids display can really wind us up. In this episode, Janet offers a solution to three common ones. First, tattling—when our kids seem to have the incessant need to tell on friends or siblings for every minor thing they do. As adults, we might label this person as a gossip and steer clear. As parents, we might fear it could eventually lead to our child being alienated from his peers. Second are threats -- when our kids use ultimatums with peers, siblings, or us, like "If you don't do this, I'm going to... " (using their most challenging tone). Should they get away with this? How should we respond? Lastly, Janet covers actual warnings kids give us, like when they say, "I'm going to hit you," or "I'm about to hurt my sister." Shouldn't we be alarmed? Should we scold them and forbid them to say such things? Janet shares her advice on all of this and more in this week's episode!  Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Our child's whining can be the most earsplitting sound imaginable and, unfortunately, our negative reactions to whining can tend to make matters worse. How do we make the whining stop? A parent writes to Janet that her 7-year-old is constantly whining, pouting, and repeatedly asking her mom for new stuff. "Instead of playing with the entire Toys R Us we have in our home, she whines about the things she wants, and seriously, I'm going to lose my mind." Janet offers a perspective she hopes will help this parent and others whose kids won't seem to stop whining.  Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A parent writes to Janet that she's alarmed and heartbroken about the wedge that's developed between her and her 4-year-old son, "a very sweet, genuine, kind little person," due to his increasingly unkind, hurtful behavior. This mom feels she's tried everything and yet her son continues to hit, kick, pinch, scratch, and run away from her and her partner. The boy also makes threats like, "I'm going to punch you," sometimes following through. This mom suspects that two situations may be causing her son's behavior: "His sister is 18 months and speaking in short sentences, which I'm sure is a momentous change for him;" and "he is embroiled in ongoing conflict with two boys in his mixed age Montessori class. I say conflict, but it might be bullying." She's at a total loss and hoping Janet can offer her clarity and perspective.  Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Elsa Chahin, President/CEO of Pikler/Loczy USA, has dedicated herself to carrying on the mission of visionary pediatrician and researcher Dr. Emmi Pikler, which is to promote "respectful and harmonious relationships between the youngest child and the adult." Like Janet, Elsa is also RIE Associate who studied under Pikler protege Magda Gerber. Elsa joins Janet in this episode to discuss the innumerable, proven benefits of allowing babies to develop their motor skills naturally. These benefits include physical competence, self-awareness, judicial risk-taking, inner-directed joyful learning, emotional health, and an enduring belief in themselves as capable people. As Elsa and Janet explain it, trusting our child's natural motor development can even make parenting easier, because all babies need from us are secure, intimate relationships and freedom to move.  Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Parenting and worry seem to go hand-in-hand. Because we care so much, we watch our kids closely and can tend to perceive their traits and behaviors in a needlessly negative, worrisome light. In this episode, Janet explains why traits like sensitivity, bossiness, a toddler's insistence on doing it himself, and another child's seemingly constant need for a parent's validation can all be seen (and approached far more effectively!) as strengths.  Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Janet consults with a distressed parent of two boys who feels stuck in a destructive pattern. She describes how she's struggling with feeling constantly irritated, overwhelmed, and just angry. “I love my kids more than anything,” she says, “but they’re driving me crazy.” Janet agrees with the mom that boundaries are a big part the issue and suggests a new approach for her to try. Surprisingly, the solution they come up with is not stricter enforcement, but just the opposite. Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A parent with 2 children, 4 and 1.5-years-old, writes to Janet feeling disappointed and concerned that he's letting his children down. This dad admits that he’s very sensitive to his both children’s emotions, especially if they’re upset. In order to deal with their typical, rambunctious behaviors, he’s attempted to set reasonable boundaries with consequences in terms of dressing, bathing, bedtime, roughhousing, etc. This "If you do that, then... " strategy was effective for a while, he says, but lately seems to have backfired because his four-year-old is now giving him ultimatums. The boy's behaviors have become more extreme, and in response the dad says he threatens unnatural consequences, which leads to tears, more guilt, and on and on. “I hate the whole cycle,” he says. “I hate feeling like I’ve let them down. I hate the feeling of being out of control. Mostly, I hate and fear the breaking of trust and the positive relationship that I have with him.”  Janet offers her suggestions and encouragement.  Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Janet addresses messages from parents who are feeling defeated and helpless in the face of their kids' persistently uncooperative, annoying and, in one case, hurtful behavior. All of these parents admit they are struggling, and that the approaches they've tried just don't seem to be working.  "... I am constantly getting at my child, telling her 'No, stop that, not so close,' etc., and after a while I get incredibly frustrated as I just need my personal space."  "My two year old has taken to saying "hate you!" literally 25 plus times a day."  "I dread having to go anywhere on my own with [my sons] for fear that I will be overwhelmed by their energy and powerless to keep them in-bounds in a way that feels unruffled."  Janet recommends an overall shift in these parents' approach that she believes will give them the confidence they need to help resolve their issues, and can be applied to almost every behavioral challenge parents face. Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Raising kids is a learning process, and (no doubt) there's a benefit to reflecting on the mistakes we make along the way. But Janet believes we can learn even more when we recognize and appreciate our successes, no matter how inconsequential they might seem to us as the time. Maybe it's the little bit of empathy we felt as we limited one of our child's bothersome behaviors. Or a momentary sense of confidence in ourselves as leaders rising above the fray. Or the realization that we could, just that once, let our child's feelings be without judging them, and then, the increased closeness we felt with our child when those feelings passed. In this episode Janet celebrates YOUR illuminating, inspiring stories, and she's exceedingly grateful to you for allowing her to share them.  Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Janet responds to a question from a caregiver who says the family she works for is interested in teaching their son ABC's and other lessons. The child is sometimes disinterested and refuses to participate, and she wonders: “Is there a respectful approach to teaching children?” Janet responds with an alternative perspective on early childhood learning that focuses on providing the best foundation possible for children to develop their innate abilities and a lifelong love of learning. This is an encore episode. Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this encore episode, a mom is at her wit's end and describes a series of challenging family separations and transitions, including the birth of a sibling. Now one of her twins yells and screams from morning until night. The other twin is defiant and “is always telling me ‘no’ and doing things he knows he’s not supposed to be doing.” This mom says their behavior is so extreme she spends most of the day in tears, feeling like a failure, and then ends up yelling. She’s looking for Janet’s advice how she might deal with her twins’ behavior. Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Janet’s guest this week is Neha Ruch, a writer and speaker on parenting, women, work, and identity. Her personal journey from career through parenthood led her to question and ultimately reject society’s stereotypical view of the stay-at-home parent and its limitations, and instead celebrate the possibilities. Neha is the founder of Mother Untitled (.com), which seeks to reimagine parenthood as a pause or “downshift" and an opportunity to find our passions. Through Mother Untitled, Neha connects a growing community of like minded parents with resources geared to support and further their goals. Her new book, “The Power Pause: How to Plan a Career Break After Kids--and Come Back Stronger Than Ever” will be out in mid-January. Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Wouldn’t parenting be easier if our kids’ behavior was always stellar? Unfortunately, for most of us that isn't the case. It is during those difficult times especially, when our child is tired or hungry or angry (or their behavior just seems terrible and we're mystified as to what's gotten into them), that they need us to be their confident, empathic leader—a role that doesn't always come naturally. In this episode, Janet shares a shortlist of simple reminders for making setting limits with our kids feel more comfortable and organic. Because, as she says, we all deserve to feel successful!   Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices