The Psychology of Relationships

What if the healthiest relationship isn’t the one that follows the traditional blueprint—but the one that actually fits the people in it? Julie & Yue are joined by relationship coach and educator Ellecia Paine to explore how inherited expectations can shape the way we think relationships are “supposed” to look. Together, they unpack how to question those assumptions, communicate what you genuinely want, and intentionally create a partnership that allows both people to feel fulfilled rather than simply successful on paper. In this episode, you’ll learn: -How inherited expectations shape our relationships -Why wanting something different doesn’t mean you’re asking too much -How to identify the relationship “shoulds” you’ve internalized -Why there’s no single blueprint for a healthy partnership -How to intentionally create a relationship where both people can thrive To learn more about Ellecia Paine, follow her @elleciapaine and visit www.elleciapaine.com Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Being single can easily feel like something we’re supposed to endure until we find someone—but what if it’s actually an opportunity to build a life you genuinely love? Julie & Yue are joined by John Kim, licensed therapist and author of Single On Purpose, to explore what happens when we stop treating partnership as the finish line. From rebuilding your relationship with yourself to “masturdating,” John offers a different way to think about singlehood, self-growth, and ultimately partnership. In this episode, you’ll learn: -Why being single doesn’t have to mean being lonely -How to build a fulfilling life outside of partnership -Why we sometimes stop growing once we enter relationships -What “masturdating” can teach you about yourself -How a stronger relationship with yourself changes your relationships with others To learn more about John Kim, follow him @theangrytherapist and visit www.theangrytherapist.com. Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

A fulfilling sex life isn’t just about chemistry or technique—it’s about feeling comfortable enough to communicate, explore, and be vulnerable with each other. Julie & Yue are joined by licensed psychotherapist and sex therapist Ian Kerner, author of She Comes First, to explore how couples can use sex as an opportunity for deeper connection. From becoming more “cliterate” to expanding our understanding of pleasure beyond intercourse, Ian offers a practical look at creating more satisfying and connected intimacy. In this episode, you’ll learn: -Why communication is essential to a satisfying sex life -What it means to become more “cliterate” -Why pleasure goes far beyond intercourse -How couples can explore intimacy without pressure -How sexual connection can strengthen emotional intimacy To learn more about Ian Kerner, visit www.iankerner.com Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

When does wanting love become needing it? For some people, relationships can become a source of obsession, validation, and emotional dependence—making it difficult to feel secure without another person. Julie & Yue are joined by Sherry Gaba, LCSW, psychotherapist and relationship addiction expert, to unpack the psychology behind love addiction and the patterns that can keep people chasing connection at the expense of themselves. In this episode, you’ll learn: - How to recognize the difference between love and love addiction -Why some people become dependent on romantic validation -How low self-worth can fuel unhealthy relationship patterns -Why being alone can feel so uncomfortable -How to rebuild self-trust and a sense of wholeness To learn more about Sherry Gaba, follow her @codependencycurious and visit www.sherrygaba.com Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

What if the parts of yourself you’ve spent years trying to fix are actually connected to your greatest strengths? Julie & Yue are joined by psychotherapist and Deeper Dating author Ken Page to explore how our perceived flaws can point toward the qualities that make us most authentic, passionate, and alive. Rather than trying to become more lovable, we explore what happens when we recognize our core gifts, embrace the parts of ourselves we’ve learned to hide, and choose relationships where those qualities can truly be appreciated. In this episode, you’ll learn: - How your perceived flaws can reveal your greatest gifts - Why trying to become more lovable can backfire - How to recognize the qualities that make you uniquely you - Why authenticity can lead to stronger relationships - How to find connections where your gifts are genuinely valued To learn more about Ken Page, follow him @deeper.dating and visit www.deeperdating.com Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

We’re often taught that being in a relationship is the goal—but what if partnership isn’t something we need in order to have a fulfilling life? Julie & Yue are joined by Simone Milasas and Brendon Watt, co-authors of Relationship.: Are You Sure You Want One?, to challenge the idea that being partnered is inherently better than being single. After consciously uncoupling from their own long-term relationship, they share what they learned about choosing partnership, creating a meaningful life independently, and redefining what a successful relationship can look like. In this episode, you’ll learn: -Why we’re so conditioned to believe we need a relationship -How to tell the difference between wanting a partner and needing one -Why a fulfilling life doesn’t have to revolve around romantic partnership -What makes a relationship genuinely enhance your life -How to choose relationships from desire and intention rather than fear or expectation To learn more about Simone Milasas and Brendon Watt, visit www.relationshipsdonedifferent.com Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Attachment styles have become one of the most popular ways to understand relationships—but they’re often reduced to a few labels on social media. Julie & Yue are joined by licensed marriage and family therapist Lauren Korshak to take a closer look at what attachment theory actually tells us about love, closeness, and security. Rather than treating attachment as a fixed identity, we explore how our patterns develop, why insecurity can show up even in secure relationships, and how awareness can help us create more compassionate and connected partnerships. In this episode, you’ll learn: -What attachment theory actually tells us about relationships How anxious and avoidant patterns develop -Why even securely attached people can feel insecure -How attachment patterns can change over time -How to use attachment as a tool rather than a label To learn more about Lauren Korshak, visit https://www.lovewellsf.com/ Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Money can create some of the biggest tensions in a relationship—but the conflict usually isn’t just about money. It’s about what money represents: security, freedom, control, priorities, and the future you want to build together. Julie & Yue are joined by Joe Gavazza of Gavazza Wealth Management to explore what financial compatibility really looks like and how couples can talk about spending, saving, debt, and long-term goals before they become sources of conflict. In this episode, you’ll learn: - What financial compatibility actually means beyond income - How your money mindset can shape your relationship - How to talk about spending, saving, and debt - Why financial transparency can strengthen trust - How couples can create greater alignment around their future To learn more about Joe Gavazza, visit www.gavazza.com. Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Sometimes the things we do to protect ourselves from getting hurt are the very things that create distance in our relationships. Julie & Yue are joined by psychologist and relationship researcher Dr. Raquel Peel to explore why we sometimes sabotage healthy relationships, from pulling away when things get serious to criticizing, becoming defensive, or shutting down when we feel vulnerable. Together, they unpack the Four Horsemen and how greater self-awareness can help us respond differently before protective patterns become relationship-ending habits. In this episode, you’ll learn: - Why we sometimes sabotage relationships that are actually healthy - How fear and self-protection can create relationship problems - What the Four Horsemen reveal about relationship conflict - How to recognize your own self-sabotaging patterns - Ways to respond with more vulnerability and intention To learn more about Dr. Raquel Peel, visit https://www.raquelpeel.com Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Most people enter relationships without ever being taught the skills needed to sustain one. Communication, conflict, intimacy, and emotional responsibility are often learned through trial and error instead of intention. Dr. Alexandra Solomon—licensed therapist, professor at Northwestern University, and author of Loving Bravely and Taking Sexy Back—joins Julie & Yue to explore the lessons behind her popular course Marriage 101. Rather than focusing on finding “the one,” her work centers on becoming “the one” through self-awareness, emotional growth, and relational skill-building. In this episode, you’ll learn: - Why self-awareness is essential for healthy relationships - How family history shapes the way we love - Why conflict is something to work through, not avoid - The role emotional and sexual intimacy play in long-term love - What differentiation means and why it matters in relationships To learn more about Dr. Alexandra Solomon, follow her @dralexandrasolomon and visit dralexandrasolomon.com Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

What if healthy relationships require more than simply falling in love? Many traditional relationship models teach couples to merge into one shared identity, but that approach can sometimes weaken connection instead of strengthening it. Dr. Sara Nasserzadeh, social psychologist and author of Love by Design, joins Julie & Yue to introduce the Emergent Love Model—a more intentional framework for lasting partnership. She explains why thriving relationships allow both people to continue evolving individually while building a meaningful life together. In this episode, you’ll learn: - The difference between emergent and submergent relationships - Why “becoming one” can sometimes weaken connection - The six ingredients that support lasting love - How intentional partnership differs from passive expectation - Ways to approach relationships with more clarity and design To learn more about Dr. Sara Nasserzadeh, follow her @dr.saranasserzadeh and visit https://www.sara-nasserzadeh.com/ Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Sex is one of the most important parts of a relationship—and one of the hardest topics for couples to talk about openly. Vanessa Marin, licensed psychotherapist and author of Sex Talks, joins Julie & Yue alongside her husband and collaborator Xander Marin to unpack why conversations around intimacy often feel so uncomfortable, and how avoidance can quietly create distance in relationships. Together, they explore how communication, emotional safety, and vulnerability shape intimacy far beyond the physical side of sex. In this episode, you’ll learn: - Why so many couples struggle to talk about sex openly - How avoidance impacts intimacy and emotional connection - Ways to communicate needs without shame or pressure - Why emotional safety is essential for a healthy sex life - How better conversations can strengthen intimacy overall To learn more about Vanessa and Xander Marin, follow them @vanessaandxander and visit vmtherapy.com. Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

After enough painful relationships, many people start asking the same question: why do I keep ending up here? Pharaoh Kyle, spiritual coach and entrepreneur, joins Julie & Yue to explore how toxic relationship patterns form, why people ignore red flags, and what it takes to break unhealthy cycles. He shares how emotional wounds and lost self-trust can keep people stuck in dynamics that no longer serve them—and how healing those patterns can lead to healthier, more aligned relationships moving forward. In this episode, you’ll learn: - The common signs of toxic relationship patterns - Why people ignore red flags and stay stuck - How to rebuild trust in yourself after unhealthy relationships - What keeps old relational cycles repeating - Tools for healing and choosing healthier connections moving forward To learn more about Pharaoh Kyle, follow him @pharaohkyle and visit pharaohkyle.com Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Most people believe they’re self-aware—but research shows we’re often far less aware of our patterns, behaviors, and impact on others than we think. Dr. Tasha Eurich, organizational psychologist, researcher, and bestselling author of Insight, joins Julie & Yue to explore how self-awareness shapes relationships, communication, and long-term compatibility. She explains why the gap between how we see ourselves and how others experience us can quietly influence attraction, conflict, and connection—and how increasing awareness can change the way we show up in relationships. In this episode, you’ll learn: - The difference between internal and external self-awareness - Why most people overestimate how self-aware they are - How self-awareness impacts attraction and communication - Why asking “what” instead of “why” creates more change - Ways to become more conscious of your relationship patterns To learn more about Dr. Tasha Eurich, follow her @tashaeurich and visit tashaeurich.com Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Relationships rarely end because of one major event. More often, they slowly break down through small moments where one partner feels dismissed, unseen, or emotionally unsupported. Matthew Fray, relationship coach and author of This Is How Your Marriage Ends, joins Julie & Yue to unpack the lessons behind his viral article An Open Letter to Shtty Husbands*. He shares how emotional neglect quietly erodes connection, why these patterns often go unnoticed until it’s too late, and what it actually takes to become a more present, emotionally aware partner. In this episode, you’ll learn: - How emotional neglect quietly damages relationships - Why small dismissive moments matter more than people realize - The hidden warning signs relationships are struggling - How these patterns can begin long before marriage - Ways to become a more emotionally present partner To learn more about Matthew Fray, follow him @frayrelationships and visit matthewfray.com Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Chemistry isn’t always something you either have or don’t – it’s often shaped by behavior, body language, and the subtle signals people send without realizing it. Vanessa Van Edwards, behavioral researcher, bestselling author of Cues and Captivate, and founder of Science of People, joins Julie & Yue to break down how to read attraction signals and build deeper connections. She explains how first impressions, micro-signals, and social cues influence attraction and trust within seconds, and why understanding these behaviors can completely change the way we connect with others. In this episode, you’ll learn: - How first impressions shape attraction and connection - The subtle cues people send without realizing it - Why some interactions feel natural while others feel forced - How body language impacts chemistry and trust - Ways to create stronger connection without trying so hard To learn more about Vanessa Van Edwards, follow her @vvanedwards and visit scienceofpeople.com Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Most of us grow up believing love should feel effortless if we meet the “right” person. But many of the relationship stories we absorb through romcoms and pop culture don’t actually reflect how healthy relationships work. Relationship scientists Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel join Julie & Yue to unpack what movies get right—and wrong—about attraction, compatibility, and long-term connection. Together, they explore the myths shaping modern relationships and what science says actually creates lasting love. In this episode, you’ll learn: - What romcoms get wrong about compatibility and attraction - Why “the spark” isn’t always a reliable predictor of long-term success - How modern expectations may be hurting relationships - What relationship science says actually builds lasting love - Why healthy relationships are often less effortless than we expect To learn more about Paul Eastwick, follow him @paulweastwick and visit https://pauleastwick.com/. To learn more about Eli Finkel, follow him @elfinkel and visit elifinkel.com. Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Communication is often called the foundation of healthy relationships—but most people were never actually taught how to communicate effectively when emotions run high. Sandy Weiner, relationship coach, author, and host of The Last First Date Radio podcast, joins Julie & Yue to explore the four communication archetypes and what they reveal about the way we handle conflict, emotional triggers, and connection. She explains why communication patterns are often tied to nervous system responses, attachment styles, and past relationship experiences—and how healthier communication can be learned through awareness and practice. In this episode, you’ll learn: - The four communication archetypes and how to identify yours - Why conflict can feel so emotionally triggering - How attachment patterns shape communication under stress - Ways to express needs without aggression or withdrawal - How to become a more effective and emotionally aware communicator To learn more about Sandy Weiner, follow her @lastfirstdate1 and visit lastfirstdate.com Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

The biggest factor shaping your relationships may not be the other person—it may be the version of you that shows up in connection. Lair Torrent, LMFT and author of The Practice of Love, joins Julie & Yue to explore the different “parts” of ourselves that emerge in dating and relationships, from grounded and open to anxious or guarded. He explains how past experiences and emotional patterns influence the way we connect, and how mindfulness can help us recognize these shifts before they quietly shape our relationships. In this episode, you’ll learn: - Why different versions of yourself show up in relationships - How trauma and past experiences shape connection - The role mindfulness plays in dating and communication - How protective behaviors can create disconnection - Ways to bring more awareness and authenticity into relationships To learn more about Lair Torrent, follow him @lairtorrentholistictherapist and visit https://www.lairtorrent.com Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Infidelity is one of the most painful experiences in relationships—but the psychology behind why people cheat is often far more complex than betrayal alone. Dr. Nicolle Zapien, licensed psychotherapist and sex therapist, joins Julie & Yue to unpack the emotional, relational, and psychological factors that can lead to infidelity. Together, they explore what cheating reveals about attachment, unmet needs, emotional disconnection, and personal responsibility, along with the difficult question many couples face afterward: can trust truly be rebuilt? In this episode, you’ll learn: - The most common psychological drivers behind infidelity - Why some people may be more prone to cheating patterns - How unmet needs and emotional disconnection play a role - What rebuilding trust after betrayal actually requires - How to determine whether reconciliation is possible To learn more about Dr. Nicolle Zapien visit https://www.drzapien.com/ Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Love can make us believe that if the feelings are strong enough, everything else will work itself out. But lasting relationships require more than chemistry or attraction. Mark Manson, bestselling author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck* and Love Is Not Enough, joins Julie & Yue to unpack why people stay stuck in situationships, chase unavailable partners, or settle for relationships that no longer serve them. He explains why compatibility matters just as much as passion, how emotional patterns keep us repeating the same cycles, and why healthy relationships require both emotional connection and practical alignment. In this episode, you’ll learn: - Why love alone doesn’t guarantee a healthy relationship - How compatibility differs from chemistry and attraction - Why people stay stuck in unhealthy relationship dynamics - The role emotional patterns play in repeating cycles - How to approach relationships with both heart and clarity  To learn more about Mark Manson, follow him @markmanson and visit markmanson.net Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Breakups have a way of forcing us to confront the patterns we often avoid seeing in relationships. Whether it’s a slow fade, an almost-relationship, or a breakup you never fully processed, endings can reveal a lot about attachment, emotional availability, and the dynamics we keep repeating. John Kim—licensed therapist, author of Breakup. On Purpose., and host of The Angry Therapist podcast—joins Julie & Yue to unpack the psychology behind modern breakups and why endings can become powerful catalysts for growth instead of proof of failure. In this episode, you’ll learn: - Why some relationships slowly lose momentum over time - The psychology behind almost-relationships and ambiguity - How attachment patterns shape breakups and healing - Why endings can create opportunities for self-awareness - How to move forward with more clarity and emotional insight To learn more about John Kim, follow him @theangrytherapist and visit theangrytherapist.com Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Do you find yourself overthinking, seeking constant reassurance, or fearing abandonment when dating or in relationships? These patterns often signal an anxious attachment style—but anxiety doesn’t have to control your love life. In this episode, Kirstie Taylor, dating coach, writer, and author of What I Wish I Knew About Love, breaks down why anxiety heightens sensitivity to shifts in connection, how it impacts communication and conflict, and how to distinguish intuition from fear-driven reactions. In this episode, we share practical tools to strengthen self-trust, regulate anxious thoughts, and reshape core beliefs about love and worthiness. In this episode, you’ll learn: • How anxious attachment shapes your experiences in relationships • Why reassurance-seeking and overthinking happen • How to tell fear-driven reactions from intuition • Tools to strengthen self-trust and emotional regulation • How to build secure, fulfilling connection from the inside out To learn more about Kirstie Taylor, follow her @kirstietaylorr and visit https://kirstietaylor.com Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Divorce. For some, it’s a lived experience. For others, it’s a quiet fear in the back of every serious relationship. In this episode, divorce expert and coach Alicia Robertson reframes the “D word” as a turning point rather than a failure. She explains how fear of endings can keep people stuck in misaligned relationships or avoiding love altogether, and how understanding these fears can lead to growth, clarity, and deeper self-trust. Alicia also shares practical strategies for moving forward, healing past narratives, and approaching relationships from a place of alignment and confidence. In this episode, you’ll learn: • Why fear of divorce can hold you back in relationship • How identity, shame, and cultural narratives shape relationship fears • Strategies for moving on without bitterness • How to approach new relationships with clarity and self-trust • Why endings can create space for more aligned love To learn more about Alicia Robertson, follow her @lemonadelifecoach and visit https://lemonadelife.ca/ Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Ever feel like you keep ending up with the same “type” of partner even when it hasn’t worked out before? You might be unconsciously choosing the wrong people and repeating patterns that keep you stuck. Julie & Yue are joined by Marc Sholes, Psychotherapist and author of Reset Your Romantic GPS, to explore why we’re drawn to familiar but unfulfilling partner types. He explains the ways attachment styles influence our choices, why awareness can help you break the cycle, and how to distinguish a rough patch from true incompatibility—so you can make healthier, more fulfilling relationship choices. In this episode, you’ll learn: • Why you keep choosing the same “type” of partner • How attachment styles shape your patterns • Signs a relationship is worth working through versus letting go • Practical strategies to identify triggers and subconscious tendencies • How to make choices that lead to healthier, more aligned relationships To learn more about Marc Sholes, follow him @marcsholes and visit https://marcsholeslcsw.com/ Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Early experiences quietly shape how we attach, communicate, and handle conflict in adult relationships—without us even realizing it. In this episode, Vienna Pharaon, marriage and family therapist and author of The Origins of You, explores the five core childhood wounds many carry into adulthood. She explains how these wounds can appear as avoidance, people-pleasing, fear of abandonment, or staying stuck in unhealthy patterns—and why they were protective strategies, not flaws. Vienna also shares practical tools to heal these patterns so your past informs you without defining your future. In this episode, you’ll learn: The five core childhood wounds and how they show up in relationships Why early protective strategies can later limit intimacy How attachment styles, emotional triggers, and beliefs about love are formed Tools for identifying the narratives driving your relationship choices How to heal old patterns to build healthier, more connected relationships  To learn more about Vienna Pharaon, follow @mindfulmft and visit https://viennapharaon.com/ Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Strong, lasting relationships aren’t just about chemistry or shared interests—they’re about how we relate to each other every day. Julie & Yue sit down with Dr. Adam Bandelli, psychologist and relational intelligence expert, to dive into why relational intelligence is essential for deep, meaningful connections. He shows how tuning into your partner’s emotions, responding with empathy, and communicating with intention can deepen trust, create emotional safety, and help your relationship grow stronger over time. Dr. Bandelli also breaks down the five core skills of relational intelligence, showing why empathy, attunement, and rapport impact the relationship from its early stages to months and decades in. In this episode, you’ll learn: • What Relational Intelligence is and why it matters • The five essential skills for building trust and connection • Why empathy and attunement matter more than chemistry • How relational intelligence strengthens intimacy • Ways to make your relationship more resilient To learn more about Dr. Adam Bandelli, follow him @adambandelli and visit https://bandelliandassociates.com Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

For decades, the 5 Love Languages have shaped how we understand connection—but relationships, culture, and expectations have evolved, and our framework for love might need an update. In this episode, Molly Owens, CEO and founder of Truity, introduces the 7 Love Styles, a modern evolution of how we give and receive love. She explains why love languages still resonate, where they fall short today, and how these updated styles reflect changes in identity, communication, and partnership dynamics. Molly explains what your love style reveals about your relational strengths and areas for growth—and how that awareness can transform the way you show up in relationships, both new and long-term. In this episode, you’ll learn: • Why love languages still matter – and what they miss today • How the 7 Love Styles reflect modern relationship dynamics • The connection between love styles and attachment, personality, and emotional patterns • How misreading love styles creates friction and disconnection • How awareness of your style (and your partners) can deepen communication and intimacy To learn more about Truity, follow @truitylabs and take the assessment at https://www.truity.com/test/love-styles-test Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

With marriage rates on the decline, do people still want to get married—and why does it still carry so much emotional and cultural weight? In this episode, Julie & Yue sit down with Allison Raskin, mental health advocate, relationship coach, and author of I Do. I Think?: Conversations About Modern Marriage, to unpack what marriage looks like today, how societal pressures shape our choices, and why committing can feel both deeply personal and overwhelming. She shares her own journey from a broken engagement to marrying her now-husband along with practical guidance on navigating differing timelines, managing fear, and clarifying what you truly want versus what you’ve been told to want. In this episode, you’ll learn: • Why marriage continues to hold emotional and cultural significance today • How societal expectations influence your decisions about commitment • Strategies for navigating differing timelines or desires around marriage • How to separate what you truly want from external pressures • Ways to approach commitment with clarity, confidence, and intention To learn more about Allison Raskin, follow her @allisonraskin and visit https://www.allisonraskin.com/ Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Why are so many men struggling to connect today? And what does that mean if you’re trying to date and have relationships with men? In this episode, we’re joined by Dr. Greg Matos, psychologist and author of the viral article “What’s Behind The Rise of Lonely, Single Men,” to explore the shifting relationship standards, changing gender roles, and the widespread lack of skills—like emotional literacy and communication—that are essential for building and sustaining meaningful connections. We dive into the underlying patterns driving loneliness, practical insights on taking responsibility, and strategies to improve connection, communication, and relational competence—no matter your relationship status, gender or sexuality. In this episode, you’ll learn: • Why loneliness is on the rise and how it intersects with gender and social norms • How outdated relationship expectations create unfulfilled connections • The skills deficit in communication, emotional literacy, and relational competance • How to take responsibility and foster personal growth in relationships • Strategist for building healthier, more connected partnerships To learn more about Dr. Greg Matos, follow him at @drgregmatos or visit https://www.matospsychologicalconsulting.com/ Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Love can feel intoxicating at the beginning—constant attention, big gestures, nonstop affection. And when it feels that good, the last thing anyone wants to question is whether it’s actually healthy. So how do you tell the difference between genuine romantic enthusiasm and manipulation disguised as devotion? In this episode, Julie & Yue are joined by Dr. Diane Strachowski, licensed psychologist and relationship expert, to unpack the psychology behind love bombing and why it can be so difficult to recognize in the moment. This episode explains how early intensity can sometimes mask control, why certain attachment styles are especially vulnerable to these patterns, and how to stay open to love without ignoring red flags. In this episode, you’ll learn: • What love bombing actually is—and why it’s often misunderstood • The subtle early signs that attention and affection may be crossing into manipulation • How attachment styles can make love bombing feel especially magnetic • Why real intimacy is built on consistency rather than intensity • How to pace connection while still allowing chemistry to develop To learn more about Dr. Diane Strachowski, follow her @backtolovedoc and visit https://doctor-diane.com/ Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

How do you actually know if someone is a good match for you—not just on paper or in the early spark, but in a way that lasts over time? So much of modern dating emphasizes chemistry, shared interests, and surface-level alignment, yet research shows those factors aren’t the strongest predictors of long-term relationship satisfaction. In this episode, Julie & Yue are joined by Eli Finkel, social psychologist and Director of the Relationships & Motivation Lab at Northwestern University, to challenge what we think compatibility means. Drawing from decades of research, Eli explains why compatibility isn’t something you discover—it’s something you actively build through growth, responsiveness, and shared meaning. In this episode, you’ll learn: • Why chemistry and similarity are often overrated in partner selection • How compatibility evolves once you’re in a relationship • What the Michelangelo Effect reveals about healthy long-term love • Why emotional support and responsiveness matter more than shared hobbies • How to evaluate potential partners with a growth-oriented mindset To learn more about Eli Finkel, visit https://www.elifinkel.com/ Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Ever notice how wanting closeness can suddenly make you feel trapped or how independence can quietly turn into emotional distance? To continue the conversation from last week, Julie & Yue chat with Mark's now-wife Kylie McBeath, relationship educator, co-author of Liberated Love, and someone who didn’t just study avoidant patterns, but lived them. Kylie opens up about why she ended a relationship she deeply cared about and chose a “no man diet” to confront what was really driving her push–pull dynamic. This episode explores the psychology of avoidance, how self-protection can disguise itself as strength, and why stepping back from dating can sometimes be the most powerful move toward secure love. In this episode, you’ll learn: • How avoidant patterns form and why they’re often misunderstood • Why independence can mask emotional self-protection • What intentional pauses reveal about attachment and safety • How internal security is built without relying on a partner • Why slowing down can lead to more grounded, lasting connection To learn more about Kylie McBeath, follow her @beingisbeautiful and visit https://www.kyliemcbeath.com/ Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

When one person pulls away and the other leans in harder, the result is often frustration, confusion, and emotional exhaustion. In this episode, Julie & Yue talk with Mark Groves—human connection specialist, author, and founder of Create the Love—about what it takes to step out of the anxious–avoidant cycle and into a more secure form of partnership. Drawing from both research and lived experience, Mark shares how taking responsibility for his own triggers and emotional responses transformed his relationship. This conversation reframes healing not as fixing your partner, but as changing the patterns you bring into connection. In this episode, you’ll learn: • Why runner–chaser dynamics feel so hard to escape • How anxious and avoidant patterns reinforce each other • What self-responsibility actually looks like in relationships • Why awareness and repair matter more than blame • How secure relationships are built through choice, not chemistry To learn more about Mark Groves, follow him @itsmarkgroves and visit https://www.createthelove.com/ Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

There’s a quiet pressure many people carry: the feeling that they’re running out of time. Time to find love. Time to settle down. Time to make it all happen before the clock says otherwise. In this episode, Julie & Yue are joined by therapist and advocate Beth Gulotta to explore how societal timelines—especially around love, fertility, and partnership—shape our anxiety and decision-making. Through the lens of psychology, Beth breaks down how social comparison and time pressure can distort our choices, and why meeting love later in life often comes with more clarity, emotional maturity, and intention. This conversation invites a redefinition of what it means to be “on time,” while still honoring real biological and emotional realities. In this episode, you’ll learn: • Why societal timelines create stress and rushed relationship decisions • How social comparison fuels anxiety around love and fertility • What psychology says about partnering later in life • How to balance biological realties with value-aligned choices • Ways to reclaim agency over your relationship and life timeline To learn more about Beth Gulotta, follow her @bethgulotta and visit https://www.bethgulotta.com/ Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

You’ve probably heard of IQ and EQ—but what if the missing piece in your relationships is PQ? In this episode, Julie and Yue are joined by Shirzad Chamine, bestselling author and creator of Positive Intelligence, to unpack how our inner saboteurs quietly undermine relationships. Drawing from neuroscience and cognitive psychology, Shirzad explains why we’re wired to judge ourselves and our partners, how the nine saboteurs show up in dating and long-term relationships, and what happens when we let them run the show. Together, they explore how building positive intelligence helps interrupt reactivity, reduce self-sabotage, and create more fulfilling, emotionally resilient relationships. In this episode, you’ll learn: • What Positive Intelligence (PQ) Is—and Why It Matters in Relationships • The 9 Saboteurs That Appear in Every Relationship • Why Judgment Is Hardwired Into the Brain (and How to Interrupt It) • How Saboteurs Create Conflict, Distance, and Self-Sabotage in Love • Practical Ways to Strengthen Your PQ Muscles • How to Respond to Triggers With Curiosity Instead of Reactivity • How Higher PQ Leads to Healthier, More Fulfilling Relationships To learn more about Shirzad Chamine: follow @shirzadchamine and visit https://www.positiveintelligence.com Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Relationships don’t fall apart overnight—they erode through unresolved conflict, unmet needs, and missed opportunities for repair. In this episode, Julie & Yue are joined by Casey and Meygan Caston from Marriage365, marriage coaches and authors of The Marriage Habit and 365 Connecting Questions for Couples, to explore how their own marriage nearly collapsed and what it took to rebuild it. Drawing from both their personal journey and their work with hundreds of thousands of couples, they break down the patterns, expectations, and myths about marriage that often go unnoticed, and show how lasting love is possible when couples have the tools, awareness, and intentional practices to repair, reconnect, and thrive together. In this episode, you’ll learn: • Why conflict isn’t the problem, but avoidance and defensiveness often are • Key green and red flags to notice early in a relationship • Cultural and modern myths about marriage that can sabotage relationships • How to rebuild emotional safety, trust, and intimacy after disconnection • Tools for maintaining a thriving, resilient relationship over the long term To learn more about Casey and Meygan, follow them @marriage365 and visit https://marriage365.com/ Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Love is supposed to feel good—so why does it so often feel confusing, activating, and emotionally exhausting? Even in the healthiest relationships, we can feel anxious, irritated, or like we’re “losing our mind,” which often leads to the quiet panic of wondering whether something is wrong with us or the relationship itself. Julie and Yue sit down with Todd Baratz, therapist and author of ‘How To Love Someone Without Losing Your Mind’ for a raw, unfiltered look at why love brings out our deepest insecurities, needs, and patterns. Todd breaks down why losing your mind in relationships is normal, how cognitive biases distort the way we evaluate partners, and why frustration doesn’t automatically mean you’re with the wrong person. In this episode, you’ll learn: • Why Even Healthy Relationships Activate Anxiety, Doubt, and Emotional Intensity • How Cognitive Biases Shape The Way You Judge Your Partner And Your Relationships • What Frustration in Love Is Really Signaling (And What It's Not) • Why 'Should I Stay or Should I Go?' Keeps People Stuck • The Question That Actually Leads to Clarity, Self-Trust, and Relational Growth To learn more about Todd, visit toddbaratz.com and follow him on Instagram @yourdiagnonsense Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

What if it’s not too late for love and your timeline isn’t behind but rather right on time? In this episode, Julie and Yue sit down with former CNN journalist, and newly engaged May Lee to flip the cultural myth that love has an expiration date. At 57, May got engaged for the first time, proving that societal timelines are often more limiting than reality. Drawing from her own journey and the psychology of chrono-normativity—the idea that society imposes “proper timelines” for adulthood milestones—May shows how letting go of the artificial countdown clock can open space for clarity, agency, and authentic connection. In this episode, you’ll learn: • Why “It’s Too Late for Love” Is a Cultural Myth • How Chrono-Normativity Shapes Pressure and Dating Decisions • How Letting Go of Timelines Boosts Confidence and Self-Worth • Why Future-Positive Thinking Increases Attraction and Relational Satisfaction • How Past Detours Can Create Conditions for the Right Relationship • How to Choose Partners Based on Fit, Not Deadlines • Why Age Doesn’t Limit Love—but Outdated Timelines Do To learn more about May Lee: follow @mayleeshow and visit https://www.lotusmediahouse.com Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Money has a way of sneaking into every corner of a relationship—date nights, living arrangements, future plans, even how we argue or apologize. And yet, it’s one of the conversations couples avoid the most. In this episode, Julie and Yue chat with Netflix host, bestselling author, and creator of Money For Couples, Ramit Sethi, to unpack the psychology behind financial tension that inevitably creeps into relationships. Ramit explains why money arguments aren’t really about money—they’re about values, fears, power dynamics, and the stories we carry about security, freedom, and worth. In this episode, you’ll learn: • The Four Money Types and How They Influence Relationships • How Different Earning Styles and Financial Habits Shape Dynamics • Why Money Fights Are Often About Emotion, Not Numbers • How to Communicate About Money Without Triggering Conflict • How to Build a Shared Financial Vision That Supports Your Relationship • Why Understanding Each Other’s Money Psychology Creates Trust and Intimacy • How to Build a “Rich Life” Rooted in Choice, Alignment, and Safety To learn more about Ramit Sethi: follow @ramit and visit https://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/ Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Sex is never just physical. Our desire, frustrations, and turn-ons are shaped by how we think, how we feel, and how safe we feel—both with our partners and within ourselves. In this episode, Julie and Yue sit down with health educator, researcher, and New York Times bestselling author Emily Nagoski, Ph.D. to explore the psychology and neuroscience of sex beyond surface-level conversations. Drawing from her groundbreaking work in Come As You Are, Come Together and Burnout, Emily breaks down why sexual desire isn’t one-size-fits-all and how stress, context, and emotional connection influence our sexual experiences far more than we’re taught to believe. In this episode, you’ll learn: • Why Sexual Desire Looks Different for Everyone • The “Accelerators” and “Brakes” That Shape Arousal • How Stress, Body Image, and Emotional Safety Impact Sex • How to Navigate Mismatched Desire Without Shame or Blame • Why Desire Naturally Ebbs and Flows in Long-Term Relationships • How to Build Sexual Connection During Stressful or Transitional Seasons • Why Sexual Satisfaction Is About Safety and Understanding—Not Performance To learn more about Emily Nagoski: follow @emilynagoski and visit https://www.emilynagoski.com/ Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Why are we drawn to certain people—and why do some connections deepen while others fade? In this episode, Julie and Yue sit down with UC Davis professor and director of the Attraction and Relationships Research Lab, Dr. Paul Eastwick, to explore the science behind attraction and long-term compatibility. Drawing from decades of research, Paul Eastwick explains why our “ideal partner” checklist often doesn’t match who we actually connect with, how attraction can grow over time, and what psychological mechanisms—like attachment, motivated reasoning, and predictive modeling—shape the way we evaluate potential partners. In this episode, you’ll learn: • Why Initial Attraction Isn’t Always a Perfect Predictor of Long-Term Compatibility • How Our Stated Preferences Differ from Who We Actually Connect With • How Repeated Interactions and Familiarity Deepen Attraction (Mere Exposure Effect) • How Attachment and Past Experiences Shape How We Form Romantic Bonds • How Predictive Models and Motivated Reasoning Influence Partner Selection • Why Emotional Intimacy and Shared Experiences Strengthen Connection Over Time • How Attraction Evolves—Sometimes in Surprising Ways—as Relationships Develop To learn more about Paul Eastwick: follow @pauleastwick and visithttps://pauleastwick.com Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

What if striving for fairness is actually driving disconnection in your relationship? We’ve been sold the idea of a 50/50 partnership—that equal contribution is the key to love—but real life, stress, parenting, and ambition often make that impossible. In this episode, Julie and Yue interview husband-and-wife team Nate and Kaley Klemp, authors of The 80/80 Marriage: A New Model for a Happier, Stronger Relationship, to explore a new framework for connection. Drawing from mindfulness, leadership, and high-performance coaching, they share how radical generosity—giving 80% instead of keeping score—can build a stronger, more resilient partnership. In this episode, you’ll learn: • Why the 50/50 Mindset Can Erode Connection and Foster Resentment • How Radical Generosity Creates a Thriving Partnership • The Role of Equity Theory in Relationship Satisfaction • How to Navigate Key Transitions from Dating to Cohabitation and Parenthood • Why Shared Success Matters More Than Equal Input • How Couples Can Go “All-In” Together Without Burning Out • Practical Ways to Co-Create a Relationship That Grows Over Time To learn more about Nate and Kaley Klemp: follow @8080marriage and explore their work at https://8080marriage.com Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

We talk a lot about love, commitment, and compatibility—but there’s one quieter factor that determines whether a relationship can truly thrive: emotional availability. In this episode, Julie and Yue sit down with Connor Beaton, founder of ManTalks and author of Men’s Work, to explore why some people can hold space for your emotions and connect deeply, while others seem emotionally out of reach—even when they’re right next to you. Drawing from attachment theory, emotional regulation, and decades of coaching experience, Connor explains how emotional safety is built, why vulnerability falters without it, and what it takes to cultivate real intimacy in modern relationships. In this episode, you’ll learn: • What Emotional Availability Really Is—and Why It Matters • How Attachment Patterns Shape Your Ability to Connect • Why Emotional Safety Is the Foundation for Vulnerability • How to Recognize When a Partner Is Emotionally Present—or Not • Practical Tools to Increase Your Own Emotional Availability • How Self-Leadership and Emotional Intelligence Support Deeper Relationships • Why Facing Your Shadow Can Transform How You Show Up for Love To learn more about Connor Beaton: follow @mantalks and visit https://connorbeaton.com Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Many of us hold onto the belief that “once I’m in a relationship… then I’ll finally be happy.” But while love can absolutely bring joy, it can’t replace the inner work of building our own happiness baseline. In this episode, Julie and Yue talk with celebrity happiness coach and positive psychology expert Rob Mack about why lasting happiness starts within—not after you meet the right person. Drawing on research like the Michigan State study showing marriage increases happiness by less than one percent, Rob explains why real love thrives when two people come together already full, grounded in their own worth —and how couples support each other, not complete each other. In this episode, you’ll learn: • Why Happiness Isn’t Delivered After Love—It Starts With You • How Hedonic Adaptation Lowers the High of Major Life Moments • How to Build a Sustainable Happiness Baseline Through Self-Worth • Why Some Relationships Drain You—and How to Walk Away With Clarity • How to Choose a Partner Who Supports Your Wellbeing (Without Relying on Them for It) • How to Create Interdependence—Not Dependence—in Your Relationship • Why Two People Who Are Already Full Build the Strongest, Healthiest Love To learn more about Rob Mack: follow @robmackofficial and visit https://www.coachrobmack.com Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

It’s easy to feel steady in love—until you and your partner aren’t moving at the same pace. When one person is ready for the next step and the other isn’t, even the healthiest relationships can start to feel uncertain. Julie and Yue sit down with clinical psychologist and bestselling author Dr. Alexandra Solomon to unpack what’s really happening beneath pace discrepancies. Drawing from her groundbreaking work on relational self-awareness, Dr. Solomon explains why mismatched timing activates attachment patterns, old schemas, and deep questions about worthiness—and how couples can navigate these moments without spiraling into fear, pressure, or ultimatums. In this episode, you’ll learn: • Why Pace Discrepancies Trigger Attachment, Anxiety, and Self-Doubt • How Your Past Bonds Influence the Meaning You Make in These Moments • How to Communicate Needs and Hopes Without Issuing an Ultimatum • How to Tell the Difference Between a Temporary Pause and a Fundamental Misalignment • Why One Partner Often Moves Faster (or Slower) — and What That Reveals About Their Inner World • How to Stay Connected, Curious, and Compassionate Through Mismatched Timing • When to Keep Moving Forward Together — and When It Might Be Time to Walk Away To learn more about Dr. Solomon: follow @dr.alexandra.solomon, listen to Reimagining Love, and read her books Loving Bravely, Taking Sexy Back, and Love Every Day. Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Love grows when you do. We talk a lot about how to find love and how to keep it, but not nearly enough about how to grow inside it. Because real love isn’t just a feeling — it’s a skill. In this episode, Julie and Yue sit down with New York Times bestselling author Diego Perez (better known as Yung Pueblo) to explore how self-awareness, attachment, and emotional regulation shape the way we show up in relationships. Drawing from mindfulness and modern psychology, he breaks down how our pasts wire us, how our unhealed parts seek safety, and why growth — not perfection — is what truly strengthens intimacy. In this episode, you’ll learn: • How to Build Self-Awareness That Strengthens Your Relationship • Why Attachment and Nervous System Patterns Shape the Way You Love • How to Regulate Emotions During Triggering or Tense Moments • Ways to Separate Past Wounds From Present Dynamics • How to Make More Conscious, Intentional Choices in How You Love • Why Couples Grow Together Through Repair, Not Perfection • How to Practice Accountability That Deepens Intimacy To learn more about Yung Pueblo: follow @yung_pueblo and visit: https://yungpueblo.com/ Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

When love feels hard, it’s easy to forget why we chose it in the first place. But remembering why we love—and what drives our need for connection—is often what helps us stay grounded. In this episode, Julie and Yue sit down with evolutionary anthropologist Dr. Anna Machin to explore what biology, psychology, and evolution can teach us about the most deeply human experience we have. Drawing from two decades of research, Dr. Machin reveals how our earliest attachments, neurochemical patterns, and evolutionary instincts shape how we love, who we choose, and why connection is so essential to our wellbeing. In this episode, you’ll learn: How Evolution and Early Attachment Form Your Blueprint for Love How Brain Chemistry Drives Attraction, Bonding, and Long-Term Connection How Different Forms of Love—Romantic, Familial, Queer, Platonic, Polyamorous—Function in the Brain Why Love Can Feel Addictive—and the Psychology Behind Coercive or Unhealthy Dynamics How to Make More Conscious, Intentional Choices in How You Love Why Love Is the Single Most Important Factor in Human Health and Meaning To learn more about Dr Anna Machin: follow @dr_amachin and visit: https://annamachin.com/ Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

The reason relationships feel so rewarding and so hard? You’re not just dating a person, you’re navigating two sets of needs, triggers, habits, fears, and histories in one partnership. Beneath every smile, every fight, and every silence, there’s psychology at work. Over the past decade, we’ve explored modern dating on our hit podcast Dateable and through our book How to Be Dateable (Simon & Schuster, Jan 2025), learning what it takes to move from dating to committed partnerships. But the journey doesn’t stop there: we want to keep building dream relationships that thrive over time. In this episode, we dive into the six pillars we believe form the foundation of strong partnerships, and how you can build the habits to strengthen your relationship through every stage of life. In this episode, you’ll learn: How to become aware of your own patterns and triggers in relationships Better strategies for communication and repair after conflict How to regulate emotions and provide meaningful support to your partner The importance of reciprocity, appreciation, and true teamwork How to manage expectations and adopt a growth mindset as a couple Ways to create shared meaning and deepen connection over time To learn more about Julie: follow @juliekrafchick and visit: https://juliekrafchick.com/ To learn more about Yue: follow @nonplatonic and visit https://www.yuexu.com/ Or to learn more about both of us at Dateable: follow @dateablepodcast and visit http://dateablepodcast.com/ Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por * Uncommon Goods: Get 15% off your holiday gifts at uncommongoods.com/POR Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy