Kagro in the Morning

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin get us almost to the weekend, but after all, it's not the destination, it's the journey through the insanity and chaos that's important. Pete Kegsbreath is not in the habit of maintaining silence or paying respect to soldiers and thus needed reminding on Veterans Day at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. Pete then had to pin a medal on the soldier who yelled at him. Who knows which one of them was most humiliated by that. Democratic lawmakers now have to apologize for not making it to vote on the Hegseth tar and feather bill. Lou Correa had open-heart surgery, is that good enough for you? Maybe this is Katherine Clark and Hakeem Jeffries' 4-D chess move, have you considered that? Republicans pulled their dirty discharge petition trick and possibly abused the bad House floor acoustics to pass their Veteran's bill. And, what's in the fine print of BAAJA anyhow? Republicans are choosing to lose again by denying reality and then arresting any supporters of reality that they find. Unfortunately for them, they do not listen to this show and thus have no clue of how Congress works. Threatening against Democratic oversight invites Democratic oversight. In Alaska, Mary Peltola still leads against the two Dans Sullivan. Lauren Boebert hates it when the election finishes up without her. Scott Colom is Mississippi's first Democratic Senator since 1982, and its first African American Senator since 1882. The New York Times just knew this would happen. You'll hear Scott Colom's name a lot in the future, which is something you can't say about Cindy Hyde-Smith. Democrats needed different coalitions in different states, but one thing they had in common were voters looking for the exact opposite of Donald K. Trump. The key to future success would be to never, ever meet that guy in the middle, even small steps away from him are better than any towards. Great news for charities around the world, Lori Huang's husband can't keep it in his pants. Howard Nutlick also misplaced his affections. Another day, another cloud of a mass shooting.

We won! Time to get used to the disappointment, frustration, and anger. Today, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin arrive to quell the mob. Yes, eleven Democrats missed voting on the referral of eight articles of impeachment against Pete Hegseth, thus giving Pete complete vindication and permanent exoneration, unless someone else submits the same resolution, or their own. Not that those Representatives didn't have an excuse for missing the vote, they had many! And they really wanted to vote on this too! Whipping Dems might be the solution for some things, but not for this. Meanwhile, there's plenty who deserve impeaching, so impeach away! Many jerks are now gone, but many remain. Republicans are in disarray, keep them that way. Alina Habba Mildon loses $50 million, gains $14.5 million, does nothing. Also, no one is getting rid of Chuck Schumer, except maybe Chuck Schumer, but you aren't invited to the back room in which that will be decided. So, now what? There's plenty of corruption to uncover, and plenty of corruption to uncover… other than that, there could be some sort of collaborative effort. Dems are cool that way. There's still polls to turn to, and there's still X, and they both suck, yet sometimes they have fun stuff to read.

David Waldman has so much… too much to tell you today! Between lessons from him and AOC, you will learn a lot! Donald K. Trump called in to C-SPAN accompanied by a tittering Stephen Miller… or perhaps that was Lauren Boebert just giving Donald a hand recount? That's unclear… however Trump has made this clear; he is ready to work with his new Democratic majority and have them executed. It's the new and old way Trump will be running government or not. It is how God would have intended it, if God wasn't rigged. Anyhow, God isn't the one giving him billions, is He? It's not just the ballroom that will need to be burnt to the ground for national security. It will be everything with Trump's name on it. A great place to start would be Pete Hic-seth, the perfect kindling. Also, nationalize Starlink. We have elected Democrats, but they haven't yet fixed inflation. They might hit that next week, after they finish shutting down the Senate's artificially bipartisan-flavored BAAJA blast.

David Waldman isn't yet sick of winning and hopes to load up on some more this week. Dems won, Gops lost in so many ways that Greg Dworkin needed two rafts for all of the stories today. What a card! Donald K. Trump was pretending to make the "Dana White" that he knew for years as his new press secretary rather than the one only a few Washington insiders had even heard about as a joke, get it? Well, if you have to explain it, it isn't funny. What do the Democrats do with their new power? Well, with great power comes great responsibility, and it's a good idea to spread that responsibility around to more people than Chuck and Hakeem. Those two are perfectly qualified for a few things, and if everyone agrees that it's completely safe to do so, they might also peek out and share an opinion publicly. James Talarico and Zohran Mamdani continue to claim that they are not members of the secret Antifa sleeper cell… as they would. Meanwhile, the 119th Congress still has a couple things left to do. How about a BAAJA blast? It's "Mmmm bipartisan!", except for all of the awful stuff. Judge Ana Reyes appointed a special master to determine whether Trump lawyers purposely misled her. This will probably not go well for Donald.

It turns out that David Waldman finds his hands just as full disseminating the good news as he did with the bad! The National Capital Planning Reichstag has rubber-stamped the Donald K. Trump memorial arch & guard tower, which was blocked just before the bulldozers could warm up. Trump then issued an edict that his cheesecake factory will never have to face renovation like Saddam's. Hey, where'd the diesel go? Listen pal, Congressional leadership is not about you. Take it from Rahm Emanuel, the Hakeem Jeffries of Chuck Schumers. The Gop little tent is becoming teeny weenie. Election deniers can't deny election results this big. Harmeet Dhillon wasn't able to disenfranchise enough voters to justify her side hustle government job. She is now followed by ship-jumpers John Eisenberg and Jason Quiñones, with many more rats soon to come. Pete Hegseth and Marco Rubio might be walking their brobdingnagian Florsheims out the door very soon. Gops everywhere will need to make do with much less. This looks like a job for Joseph Goebbels! Democratic voters just changed the trajectory of the Supreme Court… but how? By expanding the Court? Blocking Gop nominees? Or some other mind-boggling tactic, previously inconceivable by anyone other than David Waldman?

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin bring us good news and cheer for the second day in a row! It turns out that the polls were wrong as usual, but in a more pleasant direction this time. Oh well. You win some, you lose some… and Dems sure won some! Dems won huge, in big ways and small, from over here to over there across the whole United States, including Nevada, West Virginia and Texas, and sometimes they weren't even trying! Dems now have big plans… if they plan to stick around. Meanwhile, Republicans lost huge, everywhere and in every way. Whose fault is it? And don't say Donald K. Trump! That's a given. Gops know that somebody just needs to be crucified over this and in a few days it'll be back to normal. Gerrymandering didn't work. The electoral college hasn't worked for a while. Now that Democrats will be in control, who will control them? Chuck and Hakeem? Really? Probably. Listen… it could be worse. Anyhow, their real job is to raise money and distribute it… which makes Mike Johnson clearly the best choice. Russell Brand is going to jail, and as a bonus will be on TV less often. Shortly, more bad guys should be going to jail more often.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin, together again! And our headline story is, for once, not horrific! Hey, we won! Red riptide turned to a blue tsunami last night. Not just a tsunami, but tsunamis, a tsunami of tsunamis. Historic wins, historic winners, rights won, rights protected, big wins with more to come. In almost as welcome news, bad lost! Vivek, Susan, Darlene, Elon (kinda), at least a couple of Mikes, and many more, too many to count, although we will eventually get around to it. Data Centers are welcomed in fewer neighborhoods than even Republicans. What happened? Gops have no idea… well, maybe they have the concept of an idea. Donald K. Trump is thinking of changing parties, as are most of his Republicans. Even Trump's reflecting pool wants to escape. Maybe they should have ran more guns for election. What's next? Democrats have goals, they have plans, they have strategies, but they also have a lot of idiots talking to them, and they have these two guys at the top. Oh, so close, yet so far. Tis the season for preemptive pardons. Pete Hegseth would make a nice warm-up impeachment to get everyone limbered up but might stray too near some fifth story window in the near term.

It's the last day of voting! Because you have, in all likelihood, already made your decision, we will defy Greg's designation of this election as a persuasion election, and just talk about the various ways in which Donald Trump is a total dumbass. First, he made a total dumbass speech yesterday. And he chose as a setting the site of his totally dumbass "renovation" of the Reflecting Pool. What a total dumbass! And he did it from inside a totally dumbass-looking glass box, probably to keep the stink of his total dumbass farts from singing the hats of the U.S. Park Rangers he ordered to sit there and huff his total dumbass-ness. While total dumbass Trump may be taking the day off from his National Ass Barnstorming Tour, he's still finding ways to be a total dumbass. Like doing his best Duff Man impression and offhandedly saying he's ending U.S. military aid to Israel at the end of the year, because he spoke to Bibi and he said he wanted to. But, you know, maybe this time he's for real. It being election day, when we freely voice our preferences for self-governance, the "Justice" Department is just letting us know that they'll be peering over our shoulders while we do it. Especially if your shoulders are black or brown. Meanwhile, in the courtroom setting, they're up to their usual total dumbassery. Even Trump's babysitters at the SCOTUS were having none of it with this California "list" case. And I mean none of it! They didn't even wait for California to file pleadings before laughing his totally dumb ass out of court! Trump was also thrown out on his totally dumb ass from a Florida federal court! And just for fun, this case was all about Trump's total dumbass connection to Jeffrey Epstein. Get this: Trump was claiming he never sent that perverted birthday letter to Epstein, and the "proof" was that his total dumbass pubic hair signature didn't look anything like his signature. What a total dumbass! Nothing was ever more obvious! (Keep in mind that some time next week, he'll probably be claiming to be a handwriting expert that can tell when signatures on a ballot don't match.) In total dumbass time travel news: Trump's head is so far up his own totally dumb ass on the non-issue of Daylight Savings Time versus Standard Time that he's hoping to push the lame duck Congress to abolish DST, meaning he'd have us all risking our necks on very strongly tall clock towers for a second time this month! If today ends up being the last day of the Before Times, don't forget who was telling you what these total dumbasses could try to do, and who was telling you they couldn't do it. We'll know soon enough how totally dumbass they think they can get. But the step-by-step process of how we get from Election Day to functioning New Congress, both public-facing and inside baseball, is full of places 'twixt cup and lip. Finally, from the Global Total Dumbassery files: Old Congress or new, Pete *Hic*seth's probably in trouble. Not least for lying his totally dumb ass off about how much damage our bases have taken during the totally dumbass Iran war.

David Waldman weaves a tight KITM today, with a day before midterms. The polls say… well, you know what the polls say. Polling hopefully weighted the morons correctly this time, but you never know… well, you probably know that too. You know you should vote tomorrow if you haven't, right? Dan J. Sullivan is no Jill Stein. Her supporters didn't get a visit from the FBI to double check their intentions before and/or after the election. The New York Times made the mistake of publishing an article about ranked choice voting without consulting with KITM Super-Listener Roger Haick. Now that they get the concept, they should do some research on making public retractions or corrections. Radical Centrist Haley Stevens self-immolated in front a Black church in Detroit, then re-immolated in front of Anderson Cooper just to finish the job. Haley's recent fiancé, Jason Turkish, gave her his lighter. It's the first time Donald K. Trump has smiled in more than a month. Democrats have a problem with intra-party traitors, at this moment. Gops have a problem with party unity, in their opponents. Without disunity, what will Jonathan V. Last have to write about? Future Supreme Court justice Alina Habba-Mildon's new husband has some problems as well. Roger Marshall doesn't need anyone to light his match. He's fully capable of doing it himself, thank you. Vote, vote, votey-vote!

David Waldman ends the week we'll probably be fondly reminiscing about, marveling at the peace and harmony of those halcyon days… The DOJ is charging California state and local officials with something; it doesn't really matter what. In Alaska and California Trump's point isn't to win in court, it's to create losers. Elena Kagan will tell you it's not about the law anymore. Todd Blanche is personally charging misdemeanors in Nevada. Jeanine Pirro just wishes she could prosecute a misdemeanor. KITM Super-Listener Roger Haick recorded a description of ranked-choice voting for those unfamiliar with the concept, including those in his state of Alaska, who've had it for years now. Jared Kushner spends a lot of time in pockets, picking up billions in loose change, yet his big public deals tend to rely a lot on forgeries. Alina Habba made $50 Million on a pardon deal and had the gall to not kick any up to the boss, not even a dime to the Trump library money laundering fund. Jeffrey Epstein and Donald K. Trump have certain things in common, including really pissing off Houthis. Donald K. Trump and Vladimir Putin have certain things in common, but those are mostly all wonderful secrets. Donald tosses Flávio out of his lifeboat, is Bibi next? RIP to Patrick Stewart, who is so revered and admired that it's amazing that Trump hasn't yet posted shit about him.

David Waldman returns to straighten out this mess, two hours at a time. Normally astute, eminently sagacious Greg Dworkin can't shake that Elon monkey on his back. A sad, dirty habit, not to mention that it took me 20 minutes to find substitute links. Sorry, but a couple of those roaches still did skitter through. And there's the polls. Even Nate Silver would rather talk about vibes. Democrats in polls look fantastic. Republicans in polls look terrible. Reality is due to arrive next week. Dems are flooding the early vote… but did we use up all of our allotment? Are we now out of Dems? Can the Gops catch up? Oh no! Were two Dans Sullivan more than a mere coincidence of demographics? Eh, could be… those things do happen. Ranked-choice voting allows as many Dans as you want. In California, there's money to be made in suppressing votes, but the gold rush might be over for Gop lawyer Bill Essayli. No jail can hold James O'Keefe, who keeps discovering new reasons to be imprisoned. ICE are thugs, but MAGA is angry that they aren't their thugs. Gops were all set to be sick of winning right about now but were shocked to discover that they elected a dim-witted, racist, psychopath. It could only be worse if Donald turned out to be some sort of pedo rapist. The founder of Arab Americans for Trump is as surprised as you are. Illegal alien Flavio Bolsonaro must have some of those bad genes that Donald K. Trump warned us about. Flavio is in Miami and thinks he's Napoleon in Elba. Barack Obama wants to clear up any misunderstanding that his Cheesecake Factory quip might have caused.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin deliver a KITM with only a week to go before the election denying begins! in the meantime, we have polls, early voting, and other bone throwing to parse. Things are bad, so that's good. Dems are voting like there's no tomorrow. If Gops don't vote tomorrow, Democrats could win, or maybe make Republicans win by less, which is kind of nice. At least Bottoms is up in the Peach State. Political commercial buffs out there (anyone? anyone?) have only a few more days to enjoy this cycle. Lawn sign burglar Tammy Williams was caught pilfering endorsements. Vivek Ramaswamy's anti-Amy ad is an incredible success… well, actually a pretty credible one. Susan Collins new ad is concerning. Many of her voters were already concerned. Barack Obama scorned Saddam Hussein and Donald K. Trump. MAGA heard "Cheesecake Factory". As if anyone needed a reminder of just how much Donald loves the meat. Everyone really does need a reminder, whether they want one or not. Todd Blanche needs to join Ghislaine Maxwell in a real prison. When Jeremy Lewin goes on trial for the murder of over a million people, he'll hopefully put the finger on any trillionaire crime bosses he might have evidence on. Illegal immigrant Flávio Bolsonaro's caravan crossed through a wide-open border into Florida on a visa fast track. Brazil should extradite him and his coconspirator JD Vance. A grand jury declined to indict Cassidy Hutchinson in one of the million cases the Trump administration is presently losing. Jeanine Pirro is out there losing them as fast as she can when not distracted by throwing Kash Patel under buses.

David Waldman gets us within a week of election day. Let's keep going! 0 days since a Trump rally didn't mention ass. This time at least, it was Trump's fat ass… JD likey! Not a KITM summary goes by that we don't point out the connection between Russia, Jeffrey Epstein and Donald Kompromat Trump's America. Today we have the House Judiciary Committee report of Donald joining in Epstein's sexual abuse of young women that his Justice Department then covered up. Yes, a federal judge "blocked" Trump from destroying a local DC golf course. Trump is going to do it anyhow, even if he has to use tanks and mortars instead of bulldozers. Better than anyone, Donald understands justice delayed is justice denied. However, judges can't make democracy better as well as they can make it worse. Maurene Comey has been reinstated with back pay; therefore, the DOJ will attempt to prosecute James Comey again. FBI officials who did not successfully prosecute Hunter Biden will be prosecuted. The DOJ is preemptively interfering in elections… "rig" for short… in California and Alaska, the "Home of the Dans".

Election day is next week! David Waldman reviews the weekend and previews the week, and finally Greg Dworkin returns hauling another Raft O' Stories dropping only a few tips into the mega-MAGA donor's tip jar. Polls. You shouldn't rely on them, even when they aren't fake. Early voting results, neither. Lawn signs… maybe. In fact, if you are a candidate caught stealing your opponent's signs, it might actually work against you. That said… Early voting seems promising for Dems, if you like to believe in that sort of thing. The good news is, even if polling, early voting, and even lawn signs aren't your thing, there's plenty of evidence that maybe, just maybe, this could work out well. Amy ACTION! Acton had a pleasant weekend. Ohio's biggest newspaper, The Plain Dealer, reversed their no-endorsement policy to endorse Acton, and condemn her contemptable opponent, Vivek Ramaswamy. Vivek has always been deplorable yet has become even more Trumpy lately. Venues don't want to get any of him on them. Donald K. Trump's weekend was less pleasant. Trump hates all non-whites, with perhaps the exception of Nicki Minaj, who he just might have discovered a use for... Trump is delighted to take everyone's money for himself, as they'd probably just waste it at the Cheesecake Factory anyhow. Trumplettes crumble around the world, such as Brazil's Flávio Bolsonaro, son of convict Jair Bolsonaro, and Serbian Aleksandar Vučić, who lost to the local student council. Trump will need to find some jobs for them once he hooks up Viktor Orbán and Bibi. Maybe they can all go work for Lorne Doerkson in British Columbia. Trump wants to rig the Senate election of Dan Sullivan, but only if Dan loses. Of course, that's not "legal" but since when has poisoning a well ever been legal? Anyhow, Alaskans are pretty used to folks having the name Dan.

David Waldman meets our admittedly high expectations with today's Friday KITM. Shocker! There are people in the world who purportedly believe that Jared Kushner acted as a "diplomatic envoy" at some point during his life and now want him to quit! That's insane. When would Jared Kushner have the time? A Dutch phone hack shows that Jared wasn't in Middle Eastern pockets just to gather lint, but to move hundreds of their millions over to his pocket… Ok, maybe a couple billion. Kushner lawyer Chad Mizelle will sue whoever is counting, or maybe hire a hitman, who's to say? God King Donald K. Trump could rename the oceans on a whim yet has now evolved beyond mere words. The puny BBC wants The Trump to speak? Bah! More money than God, Elon Musk buys some elections and maybe a pack of gum. If Alina Habba were conscientious, she'd invest her bribe money appropriately. Kristi Noem is cutting ties, and it appears that Corey Lewandowski might have not been perceived as good a boy as he assumed. Meanwhile, Katie Miller swears that she didn't scream out "Stephen!" with a "v" last night… or with an "x" the night before.

David Waldman is back and solo again, as Greg is still out supervising construction on the east wing of KITM World Headquarters. In Ohio, few people were fully aware of what a prick Vivek Ramaswamy is. Vivek himself finally got the word out this week with the help of Amy Acton's own rape facilitating, fugitive harboring, serial swindling, kitten abusing mother. Vivek's ad has been so successful that it's even boosting Sherrod Brown's Senate campaign over Jon Husted's muscular ass. Ramaswamy now has fewer than 12 days to remind everyone that Laura Loomer is an asshole. Gops threaten criminal prosecution for anyone who releases an ad about the ongoing Hope Florida scandal. Distressingly, the election still remains in the future, leaving it up for grabs who will be grabbing them. The humanitarians over in Russia have several things up their sleeve. For instance, they have a covert influence campaign against candidates who support Ukraine, but of course, election interference is Russia's main export. It's when they become bored of election interference that it will be time to worry. Bond villain Elon Musk is already bored. Then there's our Barely Literate Imbecile in Chief. We are putting up our defenses against him, but who knows what terrifying idiocy he might have in store. The takeover is already underway with jackboots everywhere and more coming. Informing victims that they've been adopted is just one of the perks of their job. A prominent Virginia Democrat has been arrested for irritating the administration and local Gops. A 27-year-old saved kids and the driver of a runaway school bus. He's a Somali, and ICE has his name now, so… USPS cuts are eating MAGA rural voter's faces. Big Timmy Teepell got $250,000 to hassle Abdul El-Sayed, but he didn't give all of that to Little Tommy Teepell, c'mon! Meanwhile, Pete Hegseth's henchmen destroyed the world, but it was meager compensation for losing out on hosting a live TV execution.

David Waldman deflects the information firehose our way for a couple of hours. What an ass! Donald K. Trump never studied the body of a man before, but now that he has, it's the only thing on his mind. It could be ass-envy as Donald's is more machine than ass at this point. Yesterday, Trump was so busy slapping his rudder that his upper half lost control and started waving at nonexistent crowds. Hey kids! With two weeks left in the midterms, you should ask your parents or grandparents about "swiftboating", the time-honored anti-American Republican tradition of vilifying American heroes about the very thing making them heroic Americans. Or just catch the present Ohio gubernatorial race, as Vivek Ramaswamy attacks Amy Acton, who not only survived poverty, deprivation, abandonment and abuse… mental, physical and sexual… but bootstrapped herself into becoming a doctor and American hero. Vivek is gifting Amy's mother, who the courts prohibited from abusing her children for half a century, the chance for one last swing at her. Also ask your parents about James Traficant, the politician who took graft and bad hair past heretofore unknown limits… ah, those were innocent times. Trump and a few of his simps turned up in the Oval Office, which is always assured to be hilarious and horrific. NATO gave us Greenland. Somalis are taking our jobs, houses, cars, and frequent flyer miles. Donald was furious that reporters would come in and ask questions. Nick Shirley was promised taxpayer money for saying bad things about people Trump doesn't like, and you can cash in too! People at Camp Lejeune have not said enough bad things about people that Trump doesn't like and will not be getting checks. Alternatively, Senator Elissa Slotkin said bad things about people that Trump does like… Trump hates corruption. So much that he will make certain that Puerto Rico governor Wanda Vázquez Garced is as clean as a newborn baby's ass. Julio Herrera Velutini hates corruption so much that he gave Alina Habba $50 million in hopes that Donald might give him a good wipe too. Armed Homeland Security agents are "visiting residents in multiple states" just to ask them a few questions about their voting habits. A friendly chat, nothing to worry about if you didn't do anything wrong. Sure, Elon cut Ukraine's Starlink feed, and throat. Where's James Bond when you need him?

A clear Tuesday calendar (with the exception of a note from Scott Anderson that he's out-of-pocket today) left us with a stark choice: dive into just a few key stories, in-depth, or; a flurry of lightning round treatments of a dozen or more stories, all figuring into a more complete understanding of the national political climate? Answer: the few key stories. First up, that damn golf course story. Again! But yes, it's actually critical, "at a level never seen before," to borrow a phrase from an asshole who already owns enough. Yes, at bottom, it's about a golf course, and it shouldn't matter all that much. But two pieces of coverage of the latest courtroom proceedings both emphasize that far broader principles are at stake here. First, Chris Geidner's coverage of "The Department of Justice's" attempt to force the judge to recuse herself from the case, which I remind you is about a golf course! And second, Steve Vladeck's discussion of everything that led up to that attempt, which amply demonstrates how far the "DOJ" is willing to go to support its ridiculous arguments, even in a case which, I remind you again, is about a golf course! There was, however, at least one more story that demanded long-form attention, and that was a follow-up to another insane "DOJ" ploy in California, regarding allegations of "voter fraud." You remember: the ones purportedly demonstrated by the list of supposedly ineligible-yet-registered voters that was allegedly the content of that mystery USB thumb drive. This on the heels of that 48-hour turnaround demand, federal "authorities" have begun arresting people they claim were on that list, despite their decidedly $#*tty record with the validity of previous such lists in other states. Meanwhile, Trump has been trying to leverage his "unitary executive" powers to force the Cybersecurity and Infrastructure Security Agency (CISA) to... "secretly acquire a voting machine and hack it." That is, to do what Tina Peters was (until... recently) actually in prison for doing. And speaking of Tina Peters, it seems she's been released from prison in Colorado only to take her act national, and step up to even larger crimes, encouraging Trump to declare martial law to hold on to power before, during and after the upcoming elections. How expansive could those powers be? You don't wanna know, but will find out, anyway.

David Waldman kept today's KITM going until his last UPS died. Listen on Libsyn! Bert Mizusawa might have what it takes to win an election, but not in David's county, they're picky there. Gops are struggling and Elon Musk needs every penny he can get to give to them. Greg Dworkin does what he can to support Elon by promoting many of the very links that you are about to open. It's not about the polls anymore. Even pollsters could've predicted that. Nowadays, speculative divination is being gleaned from early voting which, although too early to tell, complex and open to interpretation… but… is consistent with data suggesting possibly, hopefully, maybe. Take that with a grain of salt. So, enjoy the moment. Gops are in disarray in more ways than anyone can keep up with. Alina Habba and her new husband want to cut Ric Grenell out of his share of their Venezuelan booty. (There's no booty that Donald Krasnov Trump doesn't want a piece of.) Speaking of ass, Dr. Abdul El-Sayed handed some heckler his at a recent town hall. But that wasn't just some heckler, that was little Tommy Teepell, son of big Timmy Teepell and backers of Christian Nationalism, the very folks who would think being Muslim was a crime. CBS reporter Jan Crawford loves fake news, just as some of her co-workers cling to the last bits of the real stuff.

David Waldman presents another KITM under the cloud of another mass shooting. This time, a teen shooter killed four people in an elementary school before apparently encountering some bystander cleaning their gun. He was stopped before he made it to the Nurse's Office, where Trump was aiming him. We can only hope that future shooters will become too stupid to operate guns. A trillionaire supervillain can kill only so many people before the military comes around and starts breaking all of their stuff. The continued success of Elon Musk's Special Executive for Counter‑intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion can only be credited to Elon not taking the credit for it. Donald K. Trump has abused Ilhan Omar for about a quarter of her lifetime. He can't get quite close enough to rape her, therefore his plan has evolved into stripping off her citizenship and deporting her, both MAGA approved alternatives. Kristi Noem wants to watch. Trump's DOJ began active election interference in California. The administration is being sued by 47 states over their attempted collection of voter data. 25 Schedule G appointees are now administration made men. Katie Zacharia is not. Vandals cut 85 holes in Trump's reflecting pool liner, clearly hoping for 86. Expect to see many, many holes in the weeks to come. White House lawyers are adamant that Trump holds executive privilege over ever being embarrassed again.

David Waldman bides his time and ours till the election, by releasing another fascinating KITM. Elon Musk is a supervillain who has actually chosen to kill millions, not because of profit or ideology, but by whim. He owns a microblogging propaganda website that Greg Dworkin visits in order to supply our polling fix. Dems are polling well. Gops are getting killed, but in this case, figuratively. Democrats are preparing for victory. Republicans are preparing for defeat. Neither will get as much as they deserve. Nevertheless, there's already winners and losers. James Talarico took Texans head-on in a CNN town hall. Luckily, James had God on his side. Meanwhile, Gop Andy Harris' debate was a laugh riot. In Andy's defense, he never had to know anything before this moment, and he won't have to at any time in the future either. Abdul El-Sayed knows how to play ball, and when not to. Katie Zacharia, how does she do it? The secret is, she didn't really do it. In fact, she didn't do it at all. Whatever she wasn't doing, she did not do it in China. Kimberly Giulfoyle is out in the cold in Greece. She doesn't think she can trust anybody, and she's right. Kim probably regrets not getting that ass-lift right about now, although Donald's tastes seem to be transitioning… Ted Cruz and Mike Lee want to rescue John Eastman, the problem is, everyone hates those guys. Then again, all Republicans pretty much all hate each other.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin take us one day closer to Election Day. And Halloween! Probably a few others we wouldn't want in a hurry, but Election Day can be ASAP. Horoscopes and polls predict the future about equally well, yet the day after with a bad horoscopevdoesn't hit quite so hard. The best thing about recent polling, however, is that Republicans do believe it, and are cracking under the strain. Gops are pulling money from their incumbents, it's become so bad. That crackup is becoming fun but becoming pretty scary, also. Trump pardoned 2 auto workers on stage during his Alaska rally. Executions would, of course, get more press but the public just isn't there yet. The election is revealing some clever people, some smart people, and some real goofballs. The difference between stupidity and ignorance is that ignorance can be temporary. Soon, we won't have Kimberly Guilfoyle to kick around anymore. Well, maybe not "soon". There's still plenty to kick her about. People like Eric Deters are now beginning to kick more sensitive behinds, including the world's most sensitive, and largest ass, Donald K. Trump. Definitely not a quick cleanup.

David Waldman brings us the newest about the latest on KITM. Donald K. Trump opened his Circle of Hell in Youngstown, to praise John Husted's impressive "data center". I don't know how Husted should take this, as Donald was probably lying. Apparently, kickbacks were running thin and Kimberly Guilfoyle had to be let go, that is, fed to the wolves. Trump ended the war between Russia and Ukraine with his mind. South Dakota Gop Monae Johnson became somewhat less ignorant, a little less Gop. Meanwhile, His Excellency, the Most Reverend Timothy P. Broglio, J.C.D., Archbishop for the Military Services, USA, knew right from wrong pretty much all along. Where was James Talarico? Ken Paxton couldn't find him anywhere. Nevada Secretary of State Cisco Aguilar girds his loins as the election and ICE approaches. They say you can't be too young, blonde, or dumb for Trump's White House, yet Katie Zacharia is willing to give it a try. A furious judge halted tree removal and demanded answers on Trump's D.C. golf plan. So far, that has not halted tree removal nor delivered her answers.

David Waldman congratulates Hitler Mussolini, one of the "good ones", on today's jam-packed KITM. For several months, Greg Dworkin has brought us polls which we understood were really probably not portents of anything to come. Well, those days are done, that cake has sailed, we now have early voting results not meriting our credence, many gleaned from the least trustable place on earth. Nonetheless, all pretty good news, if things remotely turn out that way. At least we can see things, at this moment, suck for Gops, and rock for Dems. Trump's illegal ad stole taxpayer money, and makes viewers hate him more. Donald K. Trump is earning the next Nobel prize, which is slated to be a Russian franchise in a few months, by "brokering a peace deal" between Russia and Ukraine, which neither had heard about, and setting up an oil deal that only he and Vlad and Iran have known about since September. Speaking of Jeffrey Epstein, so is Marjorie Taylor Greene. No, you do not have to hand it to her, although sooner or later, someone probably will. Ilhan Omar tops today's vengeance list. Kimberly Guilfoyle accepted bribes and bragged about them. It is unclear what Trump would have against that, unless he didn't get a cut. Katie Miller and Stephen Miller, quiconque a du goût et de l'humanité les déteste. La guillotine est trop bonne pour eux. Pete Hegseth can be first to wherever Democrats want to send him. 500 trees might be removed for Trump's DC public to private golf club conversion…. A federal court orders that tree removal must stop… oops! They're all gone! No one could see that coming. Kansas Gop Roger Marshall has one fewer person booing him now that he paid his bakery bill.

David Waldman treats us to another KITM beforeanother jerky weekend. Did you hear? There's talk about impeaching Donald K. Trump and Pete Kegsbreth! So much so that the two of them teamed up to introduce a frankly compelling alternative. Yes, it is impossible to underestimate the depravity of this administration. Next up against the wall are slated to be Somalis. Not just any Somalis but... no... actually, any Somalis. Tom Emmer went from holding a caucus to holding the Luger. Let's see, following the Somalis will be... Canadians. We're gonna need a bigger wall. Trump also wants criminal charges against Cassidy Hutchinson, and Lisa Cook, and probably Navi Pillay before the end of today. What about Kimberly Guilfoyle? Kim established a "fake it 'till you make it" club in Greece that did a lot of faking, but not much making. Eric "Honey please" Deters is really in the doghouse with his wife now! Marco Rubio doesn't believe a word of this, except for the part where he takes her out before she endangers his bosses. Don Jr says, "Tell Kim. I want her to know it was me." Set a course for repugnance! Boxcars of migrants can now be simply loaded into cargo ships for deportation.

David Waldman fixed his KITM audio problems! Now, if he only knew how he did it, he could try to remember it for next time. Greg Dworkin brings us joyous polling with great tidings of Democratic leanings! Double haters will smite the Gops as we head to the promised land of November 4… Ok, polls have historically been crap. They are probably crap this time, too. But look at it this way… poll crappiness could be crappy towards Dems, but it's imaginable that they could, this time, be crappy towards Gops, who generally deserve it more. The point is, enjoy it now, and maybe you'll get to enjoy it then too! Donald K. Trump is unbelievably smart, strong, kind, and honest, but mostly unbelievable. No one believes that he'll give them $5000, and everyone is correct that he won't. Trump will remain unbelievable and things will get worse over the next few weeks, which isn't really good news for anybody. The one word voters use to describe Trump is "corrupt", but in the Trump administration there's plenty of corruption to go around. Look at Kimberly Guilfoyle… not directly of course, but you can look at plenty of corruption around her as she plies many mystery men with many side hustles for much money… and it now looks as if Kim has stepped on a few toes. Susan Collins has made a career out of not stepping on toes, which makes her the worst.

David Waldman keeps waking up with computer problems that he previously solved yet can't remember how. Henceforth, future tech solutions will be tattooed somewhere on his body. Greg Dworkin rounded up the punditry and the polls. The polls show voters heading towards to the blue everywhere, no matter how red. Where it's blue the lead grows past double digits. Meanwhile, Red regret soars. Texans might vote to tar and feather Bo French. Dems are outpacing the rigging. Gops have a whole lot of money, but only dopes to spend it on. Susan Collins is going to prove she can too eat road salt. Tom Barrett will have to eat a few data centers. You cannot prove that Zach Lahn did not live in Iowa. If you won't let them buy elections, Republicans will just be forced to steal them. Cleta Mitchell and Tina Peters are getting the gang together for another heist, while the administration picks off the guards. Voters might not want data centers, but Donald K. Trump can think of a billion reasons to keep them, the first of which is that he needs one to make his legs work. Trump needs another to figure out how to make everything Trump and how to keep everything Trump… and to make you pay for it. Trump mows down trees as old as the Constitution. Umar Kremlev received your check paying him for Don Jr.'s wedding, thank you. CBS remembered that Denny Hastert covered up sexual abuse, but so far has forgotten about his child raping. Megyn Kelly believes the Roger Ailes was too gentle with her.

David Waldman does it again! We will continue until we address all news stories and read all words. Praise the Lord! Denny Hastert yesterday, Jim Bakker today. Voting/prayer lines are jammed for tomorrow's third pick. Donald K. Trump suggested letting Iran "Take Out" Los Angeles and San Diego, and he did not mean on a date. He called Senate candidate, mother of 3, Annie Andrews, "trannie." Stay on the line to get your vote in for tomorrow! Trump can mess with the midterms in ways that are idiotic, ineffectual and illegal… and therefore irresistible. Ed Martin, Tina Peters, and Cleta Mitchell are only some of the brain trust being called to tackle reality in the remaining days. Could an "AI" Trump replace today's "SI" (stupid ignoramus) Trump? Why not? It already operates his legs. Although voters would probably accept a majority AI SCOTUS first… a predictive Alito model would be a cinch to engineer. Trump is sending checks filled with lies to bribe swing voters. That's all paid by taxpayers, but his pro-Donald ads are now paid with MAGA money. Brazil locked up their Trump clone, Jair Bolsonaro, for 28 years, but now his clone/son Flávio is running for president, supported/rigged with your taxpayer money

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back! Actually, we only turn the microphones on weekdays, they talk continuously. Almost any way you look at it, a blue wave… could… be coming. Trump voters are already beginning to forget that they were Trump voters. Donald K. Trump's popularity is at an historic low, because he is an awful president, and an awful person. You know what's even better than winning polls? Winning elections! And we have some right around the corner. Kansas Gops could lose for the first time in 94 years. You'd hope that Trump Disapprovers wouldn't vote Republican, but really deplorable ones still might. Vivek Ramaswamy fumbled a child at the 10-yard line yet still has a lot of money. Susan Collins has 99 concerns, but money isn't one of hers either. Trump has been honing his rigging skills in Brazil in preparation for this month. New assistant press secretary Beni Rae Harmony has all of the credentials that you would expect to work for Trump and then some. Ken Paxton is even a bad puppet. Dennis Hastert is no longer alive but remains disgraced. Denny spent his entire career disgracing himself. Ken Paxton would have given him 60 days. Country singer Alexis Wilkins loves Kash, but enough to wait for parole? The Baltic States prepare for war as the US retreats from Iran, anywhere Iran might be. Kristi Noem's Homeland Security Department bought five aircraft for the price of a dozen from a donor. Noem believes the New York Times just wants to cause her trouble, as her Ex was the only one who wanted to see her screwed this often.

David Waldman ends the week and kicks off the first weekend of October and its October surprises. Money to go to Europe and Ukraine gets shuffled to Latin America. Money from the Minority Health Office gets shuffled off to RFK Jr. Everyday, Trump's shuffling money to his crew but also starving out anything that angers or bores him through pocket rescissions. Wait, pocket rescissions aren't allowed, right? Well, you thought that, but you were pre-wrong and just didn't know it. The DOJ is coming to the rescue of Richard Nixon, pre-wronging generations of history books. Trump Judge Kathryn Kimball Mizelle has judged herself to be pre-wrong. The judge on Olympian vs. Reflecting Pool has difficulty finding anyone guilty before any crime was committed. Another judge is keeping Trump from his prewrongative of firing US Attorneys who aren't his shills. Famously bait-able Donald K. Trump laid plenty of groundwork for Jack Smith, and the work they created together should be released to the public. Donald has been rolling up the miles on his Natalie Harp, and is already beginning to look at trade-ins. Eric Schmitt couldn't resist any conspiracy theory that would boost his profile. Amy Klobuchar was aware of that. John Roberts wanted to take his bubble with him on vacation but those aren't allowed at a rage retreat.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin kick off the KITM Octoberfest. "The outlook is good.", say pollsters who rarely, if ever, use a Magic 8 Ball. Republicans now have a 27% chance of holding the Senate. They have a 1 out of 100 chance of winning the House. Don't say they didn't warn you. For instance, the national bellwether race in the state of Virginia has a Democrat on a narrow edge. So does the battleground New York House contest. Texas is still red… but so tantalizingly close… so inviting to drop some cash now for 2028. Bulletin: Most blame Donald K. Trump for higher prices and are unhappy with how he is handling the economy. Trump blames himself for his awful Supreme Court. And for not banning all journalism and just hiring an ad agency. He told you he had a gun! But did you listen? Most likely, we'll have some sort of midterms though, and Republicans are pretty certain to lose, and pretty certain that they will lose. In Texas, many are voting for a change of face, many because they actually like James Talarico as much as they hate Trump. Many are voting against Ken Paxton, although drowning him would be fine. Gina Hinojosa is doing well with those who ran out of excuses for their education system. Bobby Pulido really makes Quinceañeras great again. Susan Collins probably can't sing but can't do commercials well either. Sherrod Brown really can't sing but knows how to do a commercial. Republicans discovered that there are fewer rich voters than poor voters, so how does 38¢ off a gallon of gas sound, hm? Meanwhile, as the administration makes orphanages and asylums great again, Todd Blanche wants to lock Minnesota's federal district judges up, and Kash Patel wants to tie naughty sheep down.

At least David Waldman can prove where he was this morning. Eric Schmidt was hoist with his own Jack Smith petard the moment that we all discovered, in real time, his very own conspiracy theory was 100% Schmidt. And to think Eric was so close to the big time too! Greg Dworkin hauls in a huge Raft O' Stories™, chock full o' X crap™. Elon has had a tough time recently and we all need to pull together to help. Blue wave, maybe! Only one sure way to know, and it's not polls. Polling and results could end up in a similar place this time, though, mostly because Donald K. Trump sucks so much. Just ask Ken Paxton! Just ask Marjorie Taylor Greene! Just ask AI! ...right before it slits your throat. Of course, "AI" is no match for "SI", or the "Stupid Idiot" who spelled United States wrong in an executive order. Venezuela has spent a decade trying to please Trump and look at what it got them. A federal judge last week ordered the Trump administration to "immediately" notify her if it plans to release federal voter eligibility lists, and now they have to plan something worse. Pete Hegseth will keep firing generals until the armed forces looks completely fabulous. If you are into cuckolds, cosplay, and cages, this is your lucky day!

David Waldman weaves a fine tapestry of stupid news for us today. Donald K. Trump wants more money, more bribes, more gold. "To the victor go the spoils" is the key message of the Constitution, and the Bible, as far as he's concerned. Trump had a pile of Venezuelan gold at his feet before the bodies were cold. Amazingly, few refiners are interested in Blood Gold, even though that's been the Venezuelan currency with the US for the last decade. Six or more prosecutors have quit the Trump Grand Conspiracy case being run by Aileen Cannon. A prosecutor also quit on an investigation into former C.I.A. director John O. Brennan. There are still plenty attempting to weaponize government, however. Cassidy Hutchinson feels the intimidation. A group called ShinyHunters hacked into the FBI, gaining personal info on tens of thousands of employees. The FBI hasn't caught any of them, because they aren't that good. Why worry? Not all of them could be into bestiality… Why would Artificial Intelligence… excuse me, Super Intelligence, even bother with instantly killing us all when it's so fun to just troll everyone?

On today's KITM, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin count down the days until the midterm elections and determine that there are altogether too many of them. Are Democrats going to win the midterms? Who knows! If you were to poll polls, they would tell you that they like "Democrats", and that they really do not like "Republicans". That, and several bucks, will buy you a cup of coffee. We do seem to have a blue wave and a red undertow in those polls. The primaries portend well. Early voting is happening a lot. All that probably means many things, much of which will become clearer in retrospect. In New Jersey's 7th congressional district, home of Kean University and future former home of Tim Kean, Kean's incumbency and red district don't look like they'll save him. Maine voters might end up term limiting Susan Collins to five terms. In Texas, John Cornyn isn't going to even bother with Ken Paxton. Ohio has been falling into a red sinkhole for decades, but the data centers issue might actually lift it out. Even lifelong Republican John Fetterman says it's entirely possible that Democrats take back the Senate. As usual, most of the credit has got to go to Donald K. Trump, the least wily of all super-geniuses in world history. Victory in Venezuela, and that dotard still can't keep from spoiling all of his spoils. AI might not be as smart as Trump, but it can FUBAR a million times faster. Meanwhile, Stephen Miller is living the life he deserves, hiding in fear. Miller might not be in danger every moment of every day, but as long as he feels that way, it's okay.

Well, David Waldman tumbled out of bed and stumbled to the studio/kitchen, poured himself a cup of ambition, yawned and stretched and tried to come to life… results might have been mixed, but KITM only goes 9 to 11, then there's the weekend! Markwayne Mullin, unmarried, has had a long-term live-in relationship with Missouri Gop Jason Smith. One thing is certain. Markwayne Mullin is a moron. White House press pool members have regained access… no they haven't… maybe they have… bet they sure feel owned by now! Private security guards will be watching Postal Police officers watching Postal Union members whose jobs are being replaced by AI. Trump hasn't yet replaced all voters with AI, so he plans to send a couple thousand federal agents to breathe on any human voters who might want to vote wrong. Trump goons aren't just watching you, as snitching on each other pays off even more. Don't worry, Donald K. Trump Jr. will pay back Umar Kremlev somehow. Russians do accept all forms of payment. Maintenance projects have been put off around the country and rerouted to more important Trump things. There will always be money to pay for upkeep later, and even more if he never pays.

David Waldman is here to distract us from the distractions with some important stuff. Greg Dworkin has all the latest pole news and as you'd expect Donald K. Trump is coming up way short, but today we're talking microscopic. Trump is dragging the party so low that even Susan Collins is in concerning territory. Even Graham Platner is looking pretty Teflon. Gops might be idiots, but they aren't stupid, as they panic about importing beef and exporting diesel. Any Gop in a +15 district is treading water. Trump is W, but less affably asinine. Democrats are playing this like it's 2006. Democrats just can't wait to make it happen either. Republicans are not as enthusiastic. Trump made the US government into his PAC. MAGA podcasters just don't recall this "Trump" fellow… they pose for pictures with a lot of people, you know. Pollsters are usually wrong, but even Trump can't sue them. Donald hoped to have a few press heads on pikes to show off to Xi but he apparently appointed a TDS woke judge who told him he couldn't do that yet. That judge can't make him obey, though, or maybe he can… Anyhow it's another Trump PR victory, and if it isn't, it's JD's fault. "Why do ICE forget to wear or turn on their bodycams?", should be asked by a judge… especially Judge Brett Kavanaugh. A Massachusetts Lesbian bar almost lifted its KN-95 requirement, but patrons really wanted to keep them on. UPS dropped some F-35 stealth fighter parts off at the wrong doorstep in China.

Greg Dworkin is back, and so is the Abbreviated Pundit Roundup! We tried to abbreviate it even more today, but only partially succeeded. How bad are things getting out there for Republicans? Bad enough that Karl Rove gives me a run for my money with his own Dotard J. Trump impression. Seriously, though. How bad are things getting? Pretty bad! Trump is at another new approve/disapprove low. Not even their usual last minute TV blitz strategy is expected to save them now. Not with early voters. Not in Michigan. Not in Iowa. Not in (certain parts of) Texas. And not in the northern border states, either. And individual candidates are having to find ways to distance themselves from Trump's cratering. Some perhaps more subtle than others. (But that could change!) Oh, and while we're in Maine (because the last sentence was about Maine), have you heard about the Susan Collins corruption scandal? You have, but there's no reason we can't mention it again. Trump's construction and cultural appropriation spree in Washington continues, now expanding to [checks notes...] Ford's Theater. Unsurprisingly, it does so in defiance of local and national building and safety codes, because "I am the code." Hey, you know who else had an "architecture" fetish? We love a good hidden logistics story on this show. And Trump's latest press ban has developed into one! All in all, it was another humdinger of a day for rounding up lunacy and embarrassments. Hell, we didn't even get to Trump's crazy ass speech to the UN!

Shofar so good! David Waldman topped up his atonement over the weekend and returned today, set to talk about lascivious corruption. Lauren Boebert is always ready to lend a hand with a scandal or two or three… several at a time when she's in the mood. Now there's a complaint filed with the U.S. House Committee on Ethics alleging that Boebert had romantic and sexual relationships with three staff members under her direct supervision, paid them to keep quiet, bare-knuckle brawled in bars with them, and then hooked them up with… Matt Gaetz… in Mar-a-Lago. Somewhere, Kyrsten Sinema is blushing. Similarly, Susan Collins... perhaps not "similarly" but we won't be finding that out for certain, now that the FBI has been called off her case. Martin Kao, formally from Martin Defense Group, which was formerly Navatek, might be wondering if his pardon was lost in the mail. Clavicular continues to lay the groundwork for his presidential bid. All-powerful puppet of the last person that he talked to, Donald K. Trump recently banished the free press, but already pines for them, photobombing Zohran Mamdani in New York, while Melania slipped off for a little on the side. Bill Clinton and Barack Obama are semi-privately dismayed.

The vagaries of the lunar calendar has given us a second September Monday away from the microphone, dropping Yom Kippur right at the start of this week. So we'll have to go with a rerun today. I have to begin by asking, "Do you remember the 21st night of September?" Because if you don't, then our September 22, 2025 episode should remind you: David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are out tomorrow for a little R&R… Rosh Hashanah and Rapture. Depending on how that goes, they'll be back on Wednesday! "Autism" was coined in 1911. Acetaminophen was marketed 40 years later. Tylenol hit the market in 1955, one year after RFK Jr. was born... COINCIDENCE? Yes. Just another of the many coincidences that you can point to, that did not cause your child's autism. Not coincidentally, RFK Jr. stock is dropping about as fast as Tylenol's. Jimmy Kimmel is saved by a TACO. Charlie Kirk, meanwhile, is still dead. Not officially a saint, but definitely a martyr for whatever cause a MAGA could imagine. Charlie was a man of steel, just one tiny bit less bullet resistant than Trump but with a heart of gold that Donald will gladly sell to the highest bidder. Trad wife no more, Nepo/DEI hire Erika Kirk discovers that Tyler Robinson was not black, a Dem, a woman or even antifa, so of course she forgives him. Nürnberg vibes filled the air as DJ Stephen Miller spun the hits of yesteryear. Shhh… Donald K. Trump wants the government to destroy his opposition. Well, that's no secret. Trump has wanted that for years. What are you going to do about it, impeach him? ICE breaks present laws and will break any new ones that you throw at them too. Attorneys that don't break laws fast enough get canned in this administration. Don't you just hate Indians and Koreans? No? Maybe you aren't a tech bro. Tech bros hate Indians and Koreans. If there's a particular nationality that you do hate, there's probably a spot for you in this administration. Republicans are beginning to get sick of winning. There's no denying the Trump administration's obsessive attention to detail, at least when it comes to Hollywood-level casting of their cabinet members. Dirty cop Tom Homan should think before ordering the veal or accepting sacks of cash from FBI agents. Good thing he has friends higher up. The US vaporized some more boaters in the Caribbean that they suspect of things. Suspects remain suspects after they are vaporized. Trump suggests that people should hold off on "water fishing" for the time being… maybe take up "fly fishing?"

David Waldman needs some reeeeeeeest! He and we are tired. Sick and tired of winning. David won't be with us for his two favorite holidays, Talk Like a Pirate Day and Yom Kippur, but we are almost certain to return next Tuesday reinvigorated. NASA's Goddard Space Flight Center saved money by throwing out billions of dollars of research, the researchers, and having their unique, specialized equipment auctioned off. DOGE cost-cutting efforts cost the US billions of dollars and millions of lives, and that's just the start. Donald K. Trump will make the US trillions by not buying anything anymore. The Kennedy Center might avoid the shame of having Trump's name carved into it… by being demolished… but even in death the U.S. Institute of Peace's building might not evade desecration. Far-right ideologues have transformed American foreign policy into a tool of private gain and antidemocratic reaction, but once Trump teaches AI to grift for him, he won't need any of them anymore.

David Waldman told Greg Dworkin to go away and come back tomorrow, and he did! Donald K. Trump is not winning and is especially grumpy that Representative Joyce Beatty is a Black woman. That might not be foremost in most minds, but it's been running through Donald's like cyclosporiatic lettuce. Natalie had to print off some Kennedy Center revenge porn to try to cool Trump off, but that just worked him up more. Now, construction barricades are going up as forklifts test the supporting pillars at the Center. Trump believes AI is some sort of hoax, probably created by computers, but Senators on both sides now see AI coming for their jobs much sooner than they expected. Towns that slipped Flock cameras in, are now slipping them back out, while political candidates execute them on camera. They might look American, but they're foreigners on the inside. Gops flee DC chased by Gop Thomas Massie. The Trump administration is having such a difficult time recruiting unqualified, inept attorneys that they might bring back Lindsey Halligan. May the polls always look with favor upon Dems and smite the Gops… but don't rest yet! Gop Maria Elvira Salazar hopped in front of a DC camera to hail Mary. Even Joe Rogan is smart enough to know why Ken Paxton is losing to James Talarico… well, maybe not, but hopefully his listeners are. Canada might rebound from its abusive relationship with America and into the arms of another, or who knows, they might play the field for a while. They better get a restraining order first. Saudi Arabia FAFO, and there's more from where that came from.

David Waldman gets us to the middle of the week, and Greg Dworkin has GOT the polls! Polls really do mean something after Labor Day… Or is that when they become meaningless? Either way, polls are just numbers, a snapshot in time, a glance at the past rather than the future, not a prognostication, no guarantee... but darn it, they feel so nice… Polls don't mean a thing if they ain't got that swing. Even the Gop vote amid the biggest dweebs in 60 years seems to be sliding away from them. A fake $5 thousand won't buy Gop votes, although Sam Alito probably gets more than that. You don't need polls to understand where voters stand on AI & Flock, yet Dems are still afraid to run with that issue. Nonetheless, E. "No-Trump" Hansen found it difficult to be a single-issue candidate. Gop Tom Emmer will sell you ground beef for $2 a pound if you don't mind it's cut with bullshit. Thomas Massie introduced articles of impeachment against Pete Hegseth… 8 articles, 34 pages, over an hour. Massie surprised his Gop bosses yesterday, so it was no surprise when Gops shut the place down today. They were finished rolling Mitch around anyhow. The House passed their War Powers Resolution, again and again, including the votes of a handful of Republicans. Donald K. Trump brokers peace in his mind with Putin and Zelensky. This puts him way ahead of SIL Jared Kushner, who still needs to actually travel and meet with the people screwing him in deals. Saudi Arabia bought every Trump they could find and still have buyer's remorse. Dr. Abdul El-Sayed could not debate one of the loser Gop Mikes, because that Gop Mike is a loser. Rudy Giuliani wanted to debate him but only had the courage to tweet.

David Waldman takes us halfway through September! The leaves are beginning to change, the Senate is wheeling in its potted plants, and the last impeachments of summer flock to DC. Ok, this impeachment effort did not last long. But don't give up on learning your Latin law phrases! As long as Donald K. Trump and crew continue to shock the conscience of (most of) the American people, there will be the need for justice. A federal judge ruled that Donald has to keep his filthy name off the Kennedy Center. Expect Trump to cut a 350-yard gash in it some night soon. Trump's very own Supreme Court can't bring itself to destroy voting by mail… yet. Federal Agents might have broken state laws searching for voter fraud. Elon Musk tries to violate some voting law every day. Trump becomes a little smaller with each passing day. So does JD Vance. Meanwhile, Jared Kushner becomes the world's most successful diplomat, if you measure success with money, as he does.

50 days until the midterms, probably! David Waldman and Greg Dworkin don't spare a minute of the 155 they offer you today to keep you up-to-the-minute on the news. Donald K. Trump guesses that there's more important things in life than being adored, but he can't imagine what that would be. Therefore, he's doing as much as he can to get everyone to hate him. He's doing a fabulous job. Outside of the cult, Trumpism is now discredited, and every poll is a little more blue each day. Of course, the Gop and friends are pitching in where they can. Dan Sullivan retired halfway in his debate with Mary Peltola. Roger Marshall started his debate losing but really got the crowd going with an RFK Jr.name drop. Voters hated Ted Cruz long before Trump came around and will hate him when Trump goes away. Sure, James Talarico is doing great, but you got to give some credit to Ken Paxton and his crew. Texas Gop Bo French seems like he's in a league of his own... though he really isn't. Bo is determined to rid Texas of all people darker than him, and any Jewish people regardless of shade. French finally crossed the line however, by picking on University of Texas football. A Trump Judge™ has partially blocked the Postal Service's mail-ballot rules ahead of the midterms. Donald Trump Jr.'s latest wedding is sponsored by Russian oligarch Umar Kremlev. Russian friends are the best! While MAGA makes the world safe for corruption, The SNP, Sinn Fein and Plaid Cymru UK-exit, just as Donald hoped to see them bow and scrape some more. A gender war has exploded in Utah over the courts, abortion and representation. Gops are solving it by getting rid of the women.

You probably won't believe this, but something super-dumb and un-American happened last night at the fake Republican jamboree, and Trump was the one doing it. But while Trump was busy coercing personal pledges of loyalty from everyone in the room, JD Vance was seeding the New York Times with stories about how he was secretly against the Iran war the whole time. It's probably an eyeliner solidarity thing with ancient Persia. That's my guess. It hasn't cost him his seat at the table just yet, but not so "fortunate," of late were Maria Bartiromo, Joe DiGenova, and Ed Martin. Emptywheel had more to say, in her style, about DiGenova. The Daily Beast, too! Just in time for the weekend, what I think is the latest on the Missouri map morass, plus some more asses (like this one) trying to make it worse, attempting to impeach the Chief Justice of the state supreme court. In the same vein, more ass-wise, Trump's DOJ is threatening state elections officials for not complying with orders rejected by some 30 courts nationwide. All while playing both sides of the fence on mail-in ballots, both pointing to existing "error" rates in ballot processing and attempting to guarantee even more errors by trying to ram through Trump's wish list on ten minutes notice. As with most dumb things, you can't talk Trump out of it, but you might be able to just wait for him to forget. Another Republican has discovered the existence of a problem in the only way they can: experiencing it themselves. This time it's the Trade War on Canada being bad for a "red" state. For your weekend reading: We always knew "temporary" price increases due to the COVID pandemic would never be ratcheted back. But we might not have guessed that the rate at which prices would increase afterward would increase at an even steeper rate.

David Waldman reviews day one of Trumpapalooza. David, of course, saw none of it as no one did. Joining him today is KITM's very own Greg Dworkin. Greg usually tows in a raft o' stories, however today it was a steaming scow of fetid X-links. If you have the time, try plugging each poster's name into Blue Sky and you'll likely get the same post with the benefit of easier sleep tonight. The Gop midterm convention offered the usual homoerotic bible-beating delusions, but there were fewer takers coming in wanting to be taken. Donald K. Trump always saves money on his bribes by only bribing stupid people. Donald wants voters to pretend he's on the ballot, and that's just what the people not showing up were already picturing. Trump's get out the vote efforts are working wonders for the Democratic party. Just ask Ken Paxton, who makes Trump throw up a little every time he has to look at him. By the way, John Fetterman is an irritation, but just not worth the trouble. If polls could vote, they would likely be voting for Democrats. Here's what Texas voters think. Here's what Jewish voters think. It will be nice if the voting works out similarly to the polling. Former candidate, soon to be former Gop Representative, Chuck Edwards got a swift censure kick to the ass on his way out the door. This election, Republicans testify in Democratic ads and write op-eds against other Republicans, even if they are their brother. Trump isn't the only one who hates Ken Paxton. Voters want to halt data centers in a desperate, perhaps futile bid against AI, Flock cameras, and the encroachment of surveillance technologies. Your "smart TV" is an obvious suspect, and you should probably be taking steps right now to make it dumber. Don't worry about your Waymo however, that's just some guy in the Philippines staring at you. A "military aide" is taking the blame for a multi-person error on Trump's Qatari bribe plane. Oh well, it could have been worse, or better. Old school progressives out there who still have little brown diesel station wagons… like me… are still paying their dues.

David Waldman has another show for us this week! What did Delaware? Greg Dworkin won't say. It's after Labor Day though, and everybody wants to know, now that there's little that can be done about it. Who Rhode Island? Helena Foulkes incumbent Dan McKee. Voters demand new names yet prefer old last names on their ballots. Whose New Hampshire? Stefany Shaheen, and Pappas vs. Sununu for the Senate. Dems are messing with Gop Texan's vibes, while Iowa Trump nothing. Misery for Missouri as dueling court rulings leave Missouri's congressional races in chaos. Purcell that! In Kentucky, the state elections officer denying a judge her reelection bid happens to be the guy who gets her job. Donald K. Trump sugared up the ladies on his staff with$45 thousand each… Sorry, not you Susie. Donald leaked a map of his share of the world gifted to him by Vlad and Xi, and it turns out that Thorgerdur wasn't told yet… Bibi knew, though. Bibi has known the whole time. In Germany, the Alternative for Germany ends up being porn, Stasi, and ethnic cleansing, exactly the platform Trump plans to introduce at his upcoming convention.

We've made it past Labor Day! Those of us accustomed to picturing David Waldman in seersucker and straw boater should forthwith imagine him in something more seasonally appropriate. Beef? Is it what's for supper? Sure, technically, but with regulation on the "honor" system, you will have to prove it isn't to get a refund. Germany's AfD party isn't a far-right extremist group if compared to the Gop, etc. Some of the DOJ's components for realizing USPS voting restrictions seem to have been lost in the mail. Once up and running, midterm ballots could be counted within our lifetimes. No hurry, it's not like it's a triumphal arch, you know. Corey Lewandowski managed to sleep his way to the top of the nation's extortion rackets but fell once he let himself become emotionally involved.

We take Labor Day seriously around here. Which is to say, "off." We take Labor Day off. Not always, of course. Which undermines the earlier premise. But we're not not doing it today, so who cares? What we are doing is re-running our September 8, 2025 show. And won't you be surprised by how very similar certain parts of the news still are? Here's what we were up to at about this time, one year ago: David Waldman catches us up on the multiple disasters since Friday. Greg Dworkin catches us up on the multiple disasters since Thursday. Boooo! Trump was booooooooed at the US Open. If they don't want to hear boos, they shouldn't invite Trump. Or Winsome Earle-Sears. Tiny hands, deep throat, Donald K. Trump was an FBI Snitch according to Mike Johnson, the last guy anyone would trust to keep a secret. The Miami Herald and New York Times seek to unseal records on Jeffrey Epstein's estate, while we all know that Jeffrey Epstein and everyone on the Epstein list has been brought to you by capitalism. Zohran Mamdanimentum continues as Americans are beginning to see capitalism about as badly as they do Trump. LG Energy specialists squeezed into 90+ day rotations to set up a Hyundai battery plant in Georgia were caught in violation of that "+" part, were belly-chained and hauled out of the country. The plant they were setting up won't be hiring Americans any time soon, thanks to Karen-Republican Mar-a-Lago wannabe Tori Branum. Don't expect to hear more from Branum but do expect a lot more plants to be shut down. The Department of War begins its Midway Blitz, which is not a war, it is simply a police action. Why do so many Republicans think Trump is more liberal than he is? If people die in Florida because of lack of vaccines, it will be a surprise to Florida Surgeon General Ladapo. RFK Jr. will have seen it all coming, as he always does a year or so later. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists will save lives in the future by ignoring the CDC today. Ironically, the owner of one of the most punchable faces in politics, Scott Bessent, keeps wanting to punch others in their faces. This time it was the quite punchable Bill Pulte and for the same reason as Scott picked ever punchable Elon Musk. Scott heard both were bad mouthing him to Donald. Scott almost took Bill out, back there on the cement slab they have over the White House septic tank. E. Jean Carroll won her judgement against Trump again.

David Waldman takes us to the weekend where he can finally take his nap. You should not rest until you've heard this! Good news! Donald K. Trump sucks so hard that Gops simply can't avoid losing, which means… Dems win! Then what? Be seen attempting good legislation? Or be seen attempting tough justice? Choices! John Fetterman could not possibly care less. His staff, however, cares more. Trump finally found a contractor with the requisite lack of scruples to take over on his reflecting pool. Meanwhile, workers on Trump's ballroom hole might need to assist on the urgent needs of Trump's arch hole. Why is Trump suddenly concerned about the Falklands? Other than the oil, money, and imperial hegemony, I mean. Who knows why the Netherlands wouldn't leave their gold in the United States. Other names in the news: Nigel Farage was on camera in the UK celebrating all the money he made from secret foreign donations, an activity still frowned upon over there. Former Gop Gov Matt Bevin has been arrested. No word on how this affects his movie career. Milo Yiannopoulos has been deported and is the only person sad about that. Eric Swalwell should probably change his passwords.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin return with all of those things you need to hear today. We'll probably have midterm elections. They might let us win. Then, we could have more of us than them… which might be a good thing. According to polls, we have the enthusiasms, they don't. We head toward Labor Day, that day that people discover the elections and also realize that it has become too late to change anything. A Republican elections official owns Dominion Voting, literally. Bar codes on printed ballots are bad, because somebody could rig them. Bar codes on mail-in ballots are good, because somebody can rig them. Not that Dems can't do some nice things. Plug-in solar panels are coming to California. Their legislature passed the nation's largest investment in community news. Then there's data centers, a very safe issue to make a very brave stand on, especially when linked to the proliferation of AI. High diesel prices make everything more expensive. David has been enjoying his cheap diluted gas so far. There might be two Jewish presidential candidates for 2028, but only one "Jewish" candidate. Meanwhile Donald K. Trump's war on Washington DC rages on with covering fire provided by SCOTUS. Blue has become the latest casualty. RIP Gloria Steinem, world icon of the feminist movement and inspiration to millions.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin have all sorts of new things to tell you and each other! In Florida, Oliver G. Gilbert III wins the Democratic primary. He will now go against Te Brown, who completely denies her resemblance to any wanted posters you might have seen. Dem Annie Andrews leads Gop Darline Graham in polls. It'd be embarrassing if she didn't. The only worse candidate to lose to would be Ken Paxton, so awful and lazy that he would need Texas to ban voting in order to win. Why just cripple voting in Texas? Destroying mail-in voting destroys voting, period. Walmart Moms have been determined to not like high prices, AI, and corruption in government, unlike, well, no one. Democrats are enthusiastic to vote. Ed Markey, older than Trump and/or dirt, is still regarded warmly. Dems are in such a strong position that one could be in a predominate position performing in the weakest, dumbest way imaginable and still not budge the midterms. Mike Johnson can support Max Miller because it's hard to make Gops look worse. Anyhow, it isn't like Max is abusing your family. Republicans blame the backlash on data centers on AI. Be the envy of your neighborhood, put a data center in your backyard! Gops rush to install data centers before the bubble bursts or they lose their job, whichever comes first. Tractors, trucks, trains, ships, and the economy run on diesel. Both parties make the easy decision to move any hard decisions about the budget until after the election. It turns out that focusing on deporting allowed more drugs to be smuggled in. Also, secret employment of social media influencers is an unlawful covert action. Who knew? Alejandro Betancourt made billions after he listed "Conspirator 2" on his LinkedIn page. Canada does not play by either mob, or pro-wrestling rules, confusing Donald, who's suddenly quite interested in bowling alleys, and having taxpayers pay for them.

David Waldman had so much that he wanted to tell you yesterday! Then, he remembered he had a show today that would be just perfect to fit those things into. Former Army Secretary Dan Driscoll believed in the rules, military protocol and America. So much so that he went directly to the President of the Unted States to describe the clear and present danger… Oh well. Sad, actually. a tragedy. Dan wasn't cut out for Pete Hicseth's troll army's crusade against cultures… and every nation in this hemisphere that Russia and China don't have dibs on. The real tragedy is that Dems will now need to tit for tat this down to the gates of Hell. Should "Purcell" apply to the federal government? Why, exactly, should SCOTUS care what you think? Donald K. Trump is set to do anything he can get away with, whether it helps him or not. Any unlocked door, he will go in. The U.S. Postal Service will be destroyed, because, it is right there, also because it will screw the election.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin return to help make Mondays less so. Google labels Lake Ontario as "Lake America", so that fewer sheep get lost. Donald K. Trump has some schemes plotted in case the midterms go too blue. We've warned you about all of them, but David's particularly Cassandra-esque prophesy of the "rogue clerk" might indeed come to fruition. Sure, it's complicated, but David likes them that way. Trump, however, is but a simple dotard, who might be planning to do simply nothing, or in the case of the USPS, keeping anyone from doing anything. SCOTUS might apply the "Purcell principle", if for some reason they forget which administration it is. Skip Trump, impeach his money. Is Natalie Harp the Monica Lewinsky Ken Starr Republicans have been waiting for? Are they hoping to make Jon Ossoff… Bill Clinton? Ossoff's opponent believes he is Barack Obama. Red states used to be the safe place to stow awful Republicans. Now the other Gop Mike (Collins) has a fascist twink on his hands. The other other Gop Mike (Rogers) is losing all of the Trump Muslims. It's hard to frighten people with Abdulrahman Mohamed El-Sayed these days when Zohran Kwame Mamdani has look-alike contests in his honor. Jewish voters became Democratic by following their moral compass. Trump knows El-Sayed's lead is fake polling by illegal pollsters, reported by illegal reporters. Military leaders think Pete Hegseth might be leading them to Armageddon, as if he'd have a problem with that. Oh no! First Andrew and Tristan Tate, now Milo Yiannopoulos? Well, they do say assholes go in threes.

David Waldman, star of the Kagro in the Morning show for 15 years running, presents the Kagro in the Morning show. If wanted to attend the Congressional Space Medal of Honor presentation today, you missed it, probably because you weren't invited to that, or anything else Donald K. Trump is doddering to this weekend. That's ok, Donald pretty much ruins any event he attends anyway. Trump claimed a lake in his war with Canada. He can throw it on a pile with all the things he claimed in his Iran war. Canada plans to make this war hurt. Tariffs for one are tariffs for all. Trump has already found someone to blame if Republicans lose the midterms… so have Democrats. In prep for the midterms, the DOJ is hiring election integrity experts, just not experts in improving election integrity... or experts for that matter. The US plans to revoke 200,000 visas. They should plan for 200,000 lawsuits. White House construction almost caused Marine One to crash. That's why we need a ballroom. Hey JD! There might be some fraud down in Florida! 10 million dollars were laundered, cleaned of all culprits, yet all the bucks stopped at Ron DeSantis' desk.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin attempt a follow-up to my birthday show. RIP Tim Curry, an actor of incredible range… He even did the rock! If one allows improperly credentialed astrologers to post crap astrology, it diminishes the trust we all have in predictive artists, although some will assert that we now need more rather than fewer. For instance, Donald K. Trump loves the polls that love him, even as those polls are becoming harder to find. MAGAs don't want their Gops taking their cushion. A Gop going against Jon Ossoff in Georgia had a staffer who enjoyed swastikas, wearing KKK robes and calling himself a "twink fascist". There does seem to be a lot of that going around. The world's biggest AI data center is being built in Ohio, packing the power and resource waste of several big cities into the footprint of a single large town. Georgia Gop Gov. Brian Kemp loves his data centers and will not let them go. Bill Gates is beginning to feel bad about introducing everyone to their new AI overlords… I told you that if Dems didn't make an issue of Flock cameras, Republicans would, but did you listen? Multiple states will fight Trump's mail-in ballots restrictions. Texas has already suspended more than 1 million voters. Trump figures it's about time for his tickertape parade on his Iran war triumph, after he kills a some more dead guys. If Donald wins a few more wars, they will let him rename everything. If only Canada and others wouldn't make things so difficult! Can you guess what Canadians plan to do with Trump's tariffs and proclamations? The Navy sailor who jumped off the USS Lincoln is now facing disciplinary charges, while a woman raped is told it's a worker's comp issue. Some Secret Service officials must have done something horrific to be placed on leave. IndyCar officials now outrank government employees.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin join the world in celebrating my birthday. When buying me gifts, remember to type the word "KAGRO", because… it's worth a try. A much, much larger part of that world mourns the loss of Dolly Parton. And for good reason, Dolly had a lot going for her. Mourners go across the political spectrum, but it's pretty certain that she didn't. Donald ordered flags at half-staff, as every woman in his orbit for the last 40 years has paid to look like Parton, and as Dolly would tell you, it costs a lot of money to look that cheap. And now Tim Curry too! Many voters feel that there's a "uni-party" and that their vote does not matter. Supporters of Hakeem Jeffries say, "You ignorant morons don't understand the realities of politics and can vote Republican if you just want to be dummies." Maybe we are under the reign of Great Britain after all. James Talarico is ahead of Ken Paxton, according to polls. According to money, too. Jar Head Salsa tycoon/Jan 6 traitor/patriot Tom Smith finds himself nominated for his Michigan House district. Polling shows Dan Sullivan leading Dan Sullivan in Alaska. The Donald K. Trump midterm political convention will be about Trump, as is Lake Ontario, as is the John F. Kennedy Center. Natalie Harp is all about Trump. Pete Hegseth is eliminating every General not qualified to be a Fox weekend host.

David Waldman's not getting any younger, you know. In fact, he's about a day older than he was yesterday around this time, and a year older than the previous time we wished him a happy birthday. Happy birthday! Donald K. Trump wants to watch others lose more than he wants to win and has discovered that allies are much easier to ambush than enemies. Canada is perfect… because Canada is perfect. Perfect ally, everybody likes them, Trump has to ruin that. He needs them to be as miserable as he is, no matter how miserable we get. The weird thing is, Canada doesn't want to play that. They're supposed to take it on the chin, but they're skating in with their elbows up again. That's it… Donald is forced to go nuclear and change the name of one their bodies of water. Anger Trump further and he might come for their Club next. Trump purports to need his ballroom as the lid to his bunker, but looky here, there's an existing bunker only feet away! Maybe no one wanted to tell him about that one … Maybe they were saving that news for a forthcoming book. Goebbels, Campos, and Scavino might know much about art, but they know degenerate quite well, and hope to make a few bucks selling it, although attaching the Trump name to art hasn't been the biggest sell. John Ratcliffe, director of the Central Intelligence Agency, has popped up in Russia. You never know where an opportunity for collaboration can be established. Congress is finally getting mad about money, but holding onto their jobs might allow them to become more understanding.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin bring harmony to the chaos. WAR! Donald K. Trump has done all he can to provoke the most un-provokable neighbor a country has ever had. Now he has a new war to lose that America will continue to lose after he's gone. The US Navy continues to lose its war against Trump. The USS Lincoln sailors finally return home to their families, as long as their families haven't yet been abducted by ICE. Navy families evacuated from Bahrain remain stranded. Any of them returning home to Gary, Indiana will be greeted with familiar conditions. Loudoun County, home of KITM World Headquarters, have surrendered to their data center overlords long ago and might be becoming habituated, but in places like Ohio, the centers are now entering with AI and Flock(ish) cameras and an increasingly abusive and silly police state, which are all pretty much supported by Gops, though less so with MAGA, and hence are a midterms problem for Republicans. Democrats are in great shape… as long as they offer complex solutions to complex issues, never overpromise and above all, remain electable. Once the American public becomes fully educated to understand the nomenclature and internal structure behind government processes, Democrats should be a lock. Meanwhile, Dan Sullivan endorses Dan Sullivan to beat Dan Sullivan, who's no Danny Sullivan. Danny didn't win yesterday's finale of America's glorious semi sesquicentennial celebration but probably would have had if he started on the pole.

David Waldman packs our heads and sends us off for the weekend. Donald K. Trump's imperial push has found a bit of a sticky wicket in Iran, yet his war with the US Navy is going splendidly, with their surrendering the naming of an aircraft carrier to him. What were the chances of Pete Hegseth ever allowing some unknown DEI hire with a CRT name like Doris Miller making some boat woke anyhow? Trump's war on Washington DC is scheduled to make the rubble bounce this weekend with his Grand Prix. Sure, some delicate old stuff might get broken during the celebration, but that's because it wasn't made in America. The event will be followed by the first annual Running of the Bulls through the Smithsonian. Those smarties in Silicon Valley invented AI to destroy our way of life along with the economy but really, any dope with a rifle could do that in 5 minutes. There's fake polling, and there's fake vote.gov, but you really need to beware real government websites, because they're really out to get you. The Department of Homeland Security discovered 16,000 non-citizen voters in Nevada, or maybe 185 "potential" ones. Counting isn't their strong suit, and usually just gets in the way. Trump needs quick money for his projects because if they are slow, someone usually makes him give it back. Trump only stumps in states that clap for him.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin inch open the Thursday news levee. Natalie Harp! How does she do it? How DARE we discuss Natalie banging that stud Donald K. Trump? Hey now! Natalie loves Donald like she would love any top executive, you know… in a "biblical sense"… which of course includes hiding in trunks, sleeping on the floor, and maintaining one's pants and any items therein. Heaven forfend any notion of "wifely duties"! Those, Melania can keep. Pete Hegseth's "Natalie Harp" is his wife, who knows better than to give Pete any leash. Wait a second. Is all this just a distraction from the important issues? Yep, but we have time for those also. Deportations and the economy are losers for Trump, as well as the candidates he is endorsing. Shock! Polls show that Republicans are behind in America's reddest states. Democrats reign victorious in hypothetical matchups, probably across multiple universes. No one wants to read a horoscope written by a false astrologer, and similarly, no one would want fake polling, unless they found a profit in it. The White House has its own fake vote.gov. You don't need polls to know people hate data centers, and the data they center from AI and Flock cameras, because all your friends will tell you all about it. Gops were a little slow on the uptake however because all their friends are investors, yet have recently begun to catch on, from Ohio, down to Texas. America's strategic oil reserve is so low that it might collapse our economy, but if it gets any lower it could collapse the salt domes used to store it.

David Waldman brings us more news and more thoughts about said news. Greg Dworkin brings his Raft O' Stories™, and an economy–sized bag of primary takeaways. In the Florida elections, it was a bad night for bad guy Cory Mills, who had Donald K. Trump's "Complete and Total Endorsement." Trump never did like him, now. Cory was just one of Trump's losers, with various carpetbaggers going down. Florida cleaned house, even the Sarasota school board flipped. Debbie Wasserman Schultz defeated all the black candidates in a new black district, because "electability", yet Angie Nixon beat Alexander Vindman for a Quixotic tilt at the midterms. Vindman losing is the only thing Donald remembers from the night. There was a near-total massacre for the Freedom Caucus in the Wyoming primary, and yet another Trump loser. In Pennsylvania, Dems flipped a Trump 18+ district, which had to hurt more than his ear. Gops need election deniers because Dems are going to be denying them elections. Everybody's pissing on data centers, and you know what, they have a point. Dems are missing a bet if they don't get behind the growing anti-surveillance movement soon. ICE and those who want to persecute anti-ICE are part of Flock's growing customer base. Flock isn't only useful to the budding Stasi agents in ICE, it's a great tool for ICE stalkers, sex criminals and child abusers as well. Compliant Technologies products are perfect for rapists, but also invaluable for those who need a record of someone fighting back recorded to their bodycams. Donald and Pete Hegseth are playing a game of Battleship, and both look like they are winning. Natalie Harp, how does she… Oh man, you do NOT want to know how she does it. The biggest proof that MAGA is a cult is that they actually believe that Trump is having sex with her.

Have you heard the one about the Navy running out of munitions? Have you heard the one about it being worse than the one I just asked you if you'd heard? Well, have you heard the one about how Trump says he was misled about it? If so, you'll be interested to hear the one about how the Pentagon has been warning about this for a year and a half. But maybe you did hear that one. From this show! Well, don't worry, Navy fans! Trump's got you covered. That is, if you consider adding the insanely stupid demand that US aircraft carriers move their towers to the existing insanely stupid demand that they return to the use of steam-powered catapults. Calling Armando! Mork calling Armando! Come in, Armando! It turns out that for at least one "pollster," the "secret sauce" is really The Emperor's New Clothes. Greg wasn't in today, but we've been talking about the CT-01 contest between John Larsen and Luke Bronin so often, I thought it might be worth reading up on at least one report from someone who says they do know what Larsen's been doing all these years. Trump robbed you with his tariffs. You know this. But it's important to point out that those tariff refunds are going to corporations... and no further. That means they were a huge wealth transfer from you to them. And the CEO class, generally. Almost as if by design? You also already knew that Trump threatened all federal funding to Colorado to get Jared Polis to free Tina Peters. But now you know that a federal judge knows it, too. What I didn't know was that Trump has a "Ballroom Goon." And that that Ballroom Goon keeps visiting Putin in Russia.

David Waldman is back again to help us plough through the mudslide of Trump chaos. Greg Dworkin somehow helps by towing in not one, but two Rafts O' Stories™, a plethora of polls, and an excrement of X posts. Polls are often wrong, usually worthless, yet are as valuable as horoscopes when their forecast contains flattery. BTW, Dems are ahead! All over the place! When it's policy vs. "electability", pollsters say their polls are polling great. Data centers poll lower than Thanksgiving. It's Centrist vs Progressive for the Democratic party, which wouldn't be a contest if it was on policy… nor is it a contest when it comes to electability. Gop policy on Medicaid would ruin their electability if anyone were to find out about it. As would their policies about anything, really. That's why Gops are concentrating on electability, especially on reducing Democratic electability, to offset their voters who lost faces to leopards. Gops want to make 2020 great again. Mayor Zohran Kwame Mamdani 势头! Donald K. Trump's war with Iran is going so well that he's thinking of making the Strait of Hormuz our 51st state. Donald wishes his war would just go on forever, especially for the Navy. It's too bad that the Navy's base in Bahrain was bombed. Maybe if we bombed Oman, it would fix it? Trump remembered that South Korea pissed him off that one time, so maybe he'll just let North Korea rough them up a little. After all, what has North Korea ever done to us? Donald can't have E. Jean Carroll's $5 Million. Shut up, Donald. Trump's mouthpiece Todd Blanche won't shut up.

David Waldman surfs into Summer Weekend Chaos™ on today's gnarly KITM. Donald K. Trump hasn't had a new thought cross his mind in decades. He has spent the last decade perseverating his past into our present. Magnets, how do they work? Don't ask Donald, he wants them returned back to steam catapults on aircraft carriers, as he just knows that they were always meant to be. Only saps say, "You gotta go with magnets!" Finland's president sold Trump icebreaking ships back in '92 and Donald finally has the big, beautiful billions to buy them. Having Trump's name uttered in the same breath as that of John F. Kennedy's is the primary, if not sole, objective of the Kennedy Center Board of Trustees. The Trump administration will never give up on hassling Lisa Cook at the Federal Reserve, no matter what the Supreme Court says. The Justice Department's Office of Legal Counsel is looking towards the future, however, by declaring that Trump can assert executive privilege over any person he has ever talked to.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin return with more insights and jocularity. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself… Well, not Dems. They love to be scared of fear. Tuesdays, they desperately cling to polls, while terrified that those polls might betray them once again. Wednesdays, they see that their worst fears have been realized. Thursdays, they discover that it's actually not the poll's fault, it's theirs for valuing "policies and issues" with their candidates, when they should've instead been worried about their "electability"… but then panic as the only method of guessing the candidate's electability are…POLLS!!! Bum–Bum–Bummmm! You never see Donald K. Trump sweating the small stuff, or the big stuff. So what, a few of his staff take a missile for him? Whatever. He made sure all the "10"'s got out, didn't he? Anyhow, he was actually diverting the missiles towards himself in order to save the journalists… and Morgan Fairchild! Yeah, that's it. That's the ticket! The whole point of the Gop is to appoint foxes to henhouses, so you would expect a sex abuser and trafficker to get $244 Million to watch migrant children. Pete Hegseth transferred a contract from a black-owned company to a Trump donor, marking it up 325%. Harmeet Dhillon swore in more than 100 Civil Rights lawyers but then forgot to mention who they were.

Would you like to hear about yesterday's primaries? If so, you've come to the right place, KITM, with the right people, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin, to satisfy all your post-primary cravings. In Connecticut, voters embraced change and sent warhorse John Larson out to pasture. In Minnesota, the primary upended political assumptions in 6 ways, none of which are as fun as watching Mike Lindell (and Trump) lose. Mike, ever the crowd pleaser, plans to lose the election over and over again for the foreseeable future. In South Carolina, Darline Graham and Trump aren't yet losing but are now failing. In Wisconsin, it wasn't quite a progressive triumph, but almost, with Francesca Hong's last-minute plateauing and normie Dems flooding the polls. David Crowley might not like campaigning, but apparently, he seems to love holidays. Almost no one is as normie or as old as James Carville, yet he supports Abdul El-Sayed. On to the midterms, if we can keep them. Every slimeball is spit balling election subversion, including the Wad in Chief. The problem is that people hate trump, which in turn keeps boosting Democratic numbers. Also, election subversion tends to be illegal… as if hatred or illegality ever bothered Trump before. Election denier Cleta Mitchell granted DHS elections official Heather Honey a lot of money. A special grand jury might not find enough evidence to bring anyone to trial, but it will allow Jeanine Pirro and Trump to be incredibly catty. So far, Donald K. Trump has been able to stuff 5 scandals into his "Air Force One" Scandal, but there's always room for plenty more!

While busy with rehearsals and last-minute staging to prep for tomorrow's The G. Dworkin Post-Primary Hour in Review, David Waldman had a few moments to share his thoughts on recent events. Attending the NATO summit in Turkey, Donald K. Trump bailed on his pimped-out Qatari 747 to ride home in his official 747… Psyche! They actually loaded Trump into a catering container (which should be a devastating health code violation) and onto an Airforce jet! The big question remaining is which journalists will go to prison for reporting this? Trump's staggering vanity project cash grab has been exposed… well, another one of them. This one routes national park money into gold-plated helipads and deluxe toupees. Once they were rid of Erik the Red, Greenland believed that the threat of being raped and pillaged was gone forever. Unfortunately, Dr. Phil has come ashore. Could Mike Lindell be far behind? Who knows what stupid evil awaits? Marsha Blackburn won her primary against that ever-present threat of Tennessee commies. Now, like the president, Marsha believes she's entitled to fill her own seat. Trump can thank the appointment of Bob Mueller for taking the heat off him on his Russian ties. With new tactics, ICE reaches a new high in monthly arrests, because they don't have quotas in convictions or deportations. Todd Blanche was sworn in by Emil Bove in the Oval Office because whoever's in charge has a really dark sense of humor.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin return from a chaos weekend that was a little quieter now that Donald K. Trump is getting his pants steamed regularly. Not to say things are "better"… or even "good", it's just that the wall of reality might be rising too high for Trump and Gops to toss feces over. The US lost Trump's war with Iran and also Iran won their war with Trump. Sadly, this happened because Democrats did not clap hard enough. Iran might allow us to retreat, if we retreat from the Strait of Hormuz, yet thousands of sailors and Marines are still stranded on the USS Lincoln. Israel wants no advice from Trump on how they should lose in Gaza. The cost of living, job losses, immigration crackdowns, and data centers will be a big deal for the midterms, but candidate style matters, too. Maine Dem Troy Jackson points out the obvious about Susan Collins, so that even Democrats dumb enough to vote for her can understand. Reality just might catch up to somebody on the reflecting pool fiasco. Jeanine Pirro? Doug Burgum? Nah, and definitely never Trump. Sunlight is the best disinfectant and might have finally removed Andy Ogles. Donald definitely has a type, and Stephen Miller will have Will Scharf competing with him for attention in the Oval Office. Gop election denier Mike Rogers somehow finds nothing objectionable about his primary win yet is predicted to be quite skeptical about Abdul El-Sayed's future progress. Boom! Emptywheel embraces the low-attention span types that she famously eschews in order to describe how the DOJ invoking Trump v. US to protect Todd Blanche's fixer, Aakash Singh.

David Waldman eruditely dumps the Friday KITM at our doorstep. They're takin yer jerbs! Ballrooms, arches, Iran, and ICE will not be making America great again. Not having a job makes buying groceries tougher. The bros over at DOGE wouldn't know that, as they just moved out of their parent's basement, and have no need for real life. 200,000 jobs in Mexico are at stake as the US suspends avocado inspections. The Trump Administration repeatedly admitted in Court to withholding money from Blue States. Yeah, sure, what are you going to do about it? Surrender is close at hand in Donald K. Trump's Iran war as his stockpile of dupes dries up. Iran could take the war to the US water supply, but who cares about that? Russia was hoping to attack NATO after the Ukraine war, but it's just taking forever. Max Miller is putting $1 million of his own money into his campaign. The only election news better than that is that the usually awful voters of Tennessee voted out their unusually awful Congressman Andy Ogles. I bet this is the worst timeline. You can now bet on arson, and childhood cancer.

David Waldman brings us to Thursday, by more or less being at the right place at the right time. The Senate has been busy, finalizing a stopgap funding bill to move the shutdown to hopefully a different Senate. They also launched an entire network of fake news and have only begun to hassle Dr. Anthony S. (Science!) Fauci. Greg Dworkin rolled up his sleeve and reached deep into a slimy cyclosporiatic orifice of ex-Twitter and pulled out some fresh polls for you. They're oh so tasty and probably won't make you sick later. Also, some Poindexter is suddenly ahead of Max Miller in Ohio, which is good, as Miller sucks. Remember, vote BLUE no matter… who now? Abdul El-Sayed? Abdulrahman Mohamed El-Sayed? Well… good thing we live in a post-racial... we don't? Oh well, that name thing sure worked against Amir Hassan, who was backed by Donald Woke Trump. Today, the words "El-Sayed" pleasantly roll off the tongue of lots of happy Democrats, and many disgruntled ones too… who all need to pull it together now to make this happen. Will he win? El-Sayed is pulling his weight, let's see his support. What's in a name? Ask Elaine Luria. No, Elise Stefanik… No, Elissa Slotkin. She's the young up and coming… down and going establishment Dem, right? Now Ronald Lauder. That name used to mean something. But now that he's no longer writing it on checks, who cares? Sean Duffy, like his boss, understands that in the media production biz, getting and spending money is the best part of the creative process. Releasing a product only invites criticism, and who needs that? A few months back, Border Patrol stormtroopers shooting their laser guns into the air were able to hit a kid's party balloon yet were able to rack up more fatalities jamming the GPS of a medevac aircraft. More recently, Marine One lifted off without proper permission but luckily did not need to shoot down any passenger jets in order to do so.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin team up to fight the forces of injustice, chaos, and general stupidity. Has Jeanine Pirro been sent to the bottom of the Donald K. Trump Kafka Khaki reflecting pool yet? Jeanine might have bought herself some time by literally carting over evidence to force the old man to look at before it's shipped to some undisclosed bathroom. Democratic voters are tired of focus-group establishment Dems, and moderate Dems are already tired of crazy progressives. And yet, temporarily arrayed, they could be quite powerful heading into the midterms. Of course, they are blessed with Trump. His usefulness as an idiot is waning with even the Gops, and you don't need to tell independents twice to stampede in a new direction. In Michigan, Abdul El-Sayed outperformed his name, and the establishment, to win his primary. Trump's candidate lost to a guy that stopped campaigning weeks ago. Missouri usually isn't too big on Democrats, but they still prefer democracy. The Kansas Supreme Court would look nice in DC. Texas also embraces voting and rejects phony voter fraud voting suppression. Not that election denialists are going anywhere soon. In fact, some are completely refusing to leave. Republicans are beginning to think that God is rigged against them. Climate has changed to the degree that the Danube River has receded back to the time when wooly mammoths and Nazi soldiers roamed the earth, leaving live ordnance in their wake. Donald was sad to hear kindred soul Max Miller must bear such vicious accusations, but such is the burden great men carry.

More primaries! David Waldman weaves a new KITM ahead of post-primary Wednesday. What's the worst thing Trump can do in the midterms? Well, if Mike Pence has the courage… Why did 50-60,000 refugees attempt to cross into Spanish-held Ceuta all at once? Were they a fake migrant caravan weaponized flashmob manipulated by the far-right? It's uncertain, but MAGA's taking notes, and probably wishes ICE left enough Haitians in Springfield to try it. When some aim high, a Texas Gop candidate aims low.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin take on a new day, week, month, and the same old chaos. Donald K. Trump won his 43rd club championship at one of his courses. It's called TALENT, and money. You know Donald. Always bullshitting. You know he is, he knows he is. Leave it there, you're cool, but call Trump on it and you have a fight. Because, admitting he's wrong just isn't part of the game… and not playing along can lose you a job, send you to prison, or worse. Capital One was playing along, but Trump wouldn't walk away, could not shut up, and Capital One quit playing. It made absolutely no difference if Todd Blanche formally rescinded Trump's J6 slush fund, which is why Blanche did it. Gops are playing along with that, but Trump doesn't play along with anybody's bullshit but his own. Dems are strongly favored to take the House, and maybe the Senate. Abdul El-Sayed's name might not be enough to keep voters from scratching in the bubble next to it. Low-turnout voters might not turn out. Indecisive Democrats aren't sure what to do. Gop staff is filling up with young Groypers. The Evangelical Church is filled people who are Christian as an afterthought.

You say "Friday news dump" like it's a bad thing? Not when it's David Waldman and KITM! When Donald K. Trump isn't grifting money, extorting money or panhandling for money, he's stiffing people for money. You can't buy that sort of focused dedication. Todd Blanche could be attorney general today if he'd only pinky promise to never ever implement Trump's $1.8 billion slush fund/slop trough for fellow right-wing swine. At least the slush fund pretended to be a cap. AI companies are the central pillar of the economy, but they are trying to hide a staggering amount of debt. So, when one of their super-genius wunderbros dropped his $45 billion into the toilet, his toilet got immediately bailed out by his AI billionaire brethren. Bailing out their Titanic one stateroom at a time at the moment remains a brilliant idea. I In an idiocracy, not everyone needs to be an idiot, just the ones in control. The United States government map of Africa on display at a global conference was apparently designed without reference material not supplied by Toto. Trump busted Tina Peters out of the pen, she's already paying him back. Biological warfare enters Trump's war with Iran, as usual it's a self-own.

David Waldman has the news! Greg Dworkin has the polls! Voters disprove of Donald K. Trump. Let us count the ways: Lowest approval of either term. Low on his war. Low on his economy. Lowest for independents. Low on white, non-college, males. Trump doesn't have a problem with any of that, but midterm voters seem to care a lot, as just about everyone's polling is tilting left. Of course, the election isn't today, there's plenty of dummies out there, and even Barack Obama can't set them all straight. Meanwhile, Dems like Matt Schultz can't find the money to run against Gops like The Master's Academy alum Nick Begich III. Then there's those Progressives, or Democratic Socialists, or whatever they are calling themselves today, out there disarraying everything, protesting all their data centers and flock cameras… Hippies! If a guy named Abdul El-Sayed can run for Senate, times might be changing… or might not. Maybe they can't figure out the ballot. Ohioans around Springfield can't wait to move into those sweet big Haitian houses and high-pay Haitian jobs that were stolen from them. In the meantime, their old neighbors and friends will just have to die. Either Secret Service professionals actually determined that James Comey planned a hit on Trump, or they just felt like hassling him. Most start measuring the drapes before they get to DC. Trump can't stop. Donald wants to show off his latest several billion-dollar pretty thing he created, you know, the same way bosses always "create" things. It will have the WORLD'S LARGEST GARAGE, and eliminate "mobile lounges", no doubt because their update would have been electric.

David Waldman helps haul in Greg Dworkin's usual Raft O' Stories™, which was light on primaries, but had Plenty O' Polls™! More people like Donald K. Trump less than ever! The fact is, most Americans don't approve of awful people. Most Democrats are not awful people, so this might work in their favor for the midterms, if they can fight their natural urge to disarray. The 2028 Democratic primary calendar favors progressives. Progressives are turning away from establishment media. Democratic voters are turning away from establishment candidates. Francesca Hong seems nice, and smart, and progressive, which seems like a good combo this year. James Talarico is all of those things, plus a few more, and Ken Paxton is none of them. Troy Jackson has, well, a couple of those attributes, which might just be enough. Abdul El-Sayed does not have Troy Jackson's nor James Talarico's name. Ohio does not have all of its marbles, but who knows this year… Everybody is NIMBYing away from data centers, so Trump will probably mandate them for blue states. Trump wants his Supreme Court to overturn his E. Jean Carroll settlement, as it says right in the Constitution that presidents cannot lose lawsuits. Trump has been too busy presidentially thumbing through material swatches for his Dulles International Airport makeover, which just might be the best use of his time.

David Waldman delivers a very Tuesday KITM. 100,000 Flock cameras are watching you, soon to join cameras inside your car to track, monitor, and interpret your every movement, everywhere you go. We all know that if you cooperate with authorities, you won't get hurt. However, some still object to being Flocked without consent, leading those people into rebellious acts against societal norms and authority, symbolizing their struggle for freedom… or they at least become a little more creative in their loafing. Knowingly choosing to violate laws disagreed with works out really well for friends of Trump. Good news also for mentally unstable pranksters. Swatting politicians, especially a gay father like Pete Buttigieg, turns out to be shockingly easy. Florida Senator Ashley Moody has been in the Senate only 18 months and has already funneled millions of dollars through a nonprofit into PACs, an achievement previously only dreamed of by Republicans accusing Tim Walz of doing the same.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are here to summarize the chaos of the weekend. I, in turn, summarize that into this tiny nutritious pellet for your consumption. The worst thing about White House Correspondents Dinner is that they feel that they have to keep telling us about it. The only news ever is its chronic persistence. The White House press corps could have stood up, but they came to sit down. Donald K. Trump told jokes, explained the jokes, then posted AI explainers of the jokes and the hilarity feels like it just might never stop. Laura Loomer is not Lauren Boebert, Anna Paulina Luna, or even Sid Rosenberg, but if she read it the internet, she would believe it. Once decided, Laura changes her mind less often than Donald changes his diaper, so it's a shock to see her come out for Ukraine. Tim Pool also flips on Ukraine. Must be something in the water. Bold and brilliant military strategists Donald and Pete ran out of ammunition and requested a time out. Pete Hegseth gets rid of generals faster than Vladimir Putin. Generic Dems lead, and Gop enthusiasms are gone, but as the midterms near it is expected that Republicans will be trying to destroy the elections and Democrats will try to destroy themselves. Their enemy, as always, are Progressives. Senate Gop candidate Mike Rogers is rooting for Abdul El-Sayed for a number of reasons, most of them obvious. The thing is, Black voters are also against El-Sayed. Maine has put the recent unpleasantness behind them and are now ready to decide the future of progressive populism for all mankind. The real enemy, as always, are political consultants. Political consultants want to make the past great again. California's primary vote count might have been slow, but 150 thousand voters were slower. People like voting by mail, though. Brazil worries about Trump rigging their elections. Blue state Minnesota burns because DOGE told them to "drop dead". People that Elon Musk doesn't think about simply do not exist… which sure gives you a clear idea of the future of "Universal Basic Income", doesn't it?

David Waldman empties his Pocket, Instapaper, and various messaging apps into today's KITM. Donald K. Trump sharpied out four casualties to his Iran War because everyone knows that deaths don't count when you are on a break. The Keystone DOJ took another pie to the face and will drop their subpoenas against New York Times journalists over their Air Force One reporting. John Solomon's plans to overthrow government for Trump are going badly, which does not mean that they will stop trying or that they will fail. Lindsey Graham died, and Trump grieved over his beautiful lost leverage. Darline Graham seems to have a mind of her own, but they used to say that about her brother, too. Chairman of the Federal Reserve Kevin Warsh picked up a $100 Million starting bonus to guarantee that he remains completely more impartial for some over others. In the latest Boosie Badazz news, the pair that conned Boosie (and others), Jack Burkman and Jacob Wohl, have now signed on a new dupe. Jim Jordan accused Jack Smith of lying. No joke, that's the headline.

David Waldman offers us bite sized tapas of topics today: Olive Garden, when you're there, you're family, but even they demand ID from Republicans. The Tate bros might have thought the US was a haven for rapists, but the long arm of UK law finally caught up with them. Andrew wears capris… not too warm, not too cool. The House is going to try reconciliation, again, to bribe farmers, kill democracy, bomb… Mali, and maybe bring a smile to grumpy Old Donald K. Trump's face. Once again, police demonstrate the ease of handcuffing suspects after they shoot them in the head. Melissa and Mark Hortman's murderer gets a couple of life sentences. He shouldn't expect a pardon; Republicans forgot about him a year ago. Donald raped E. Jean Carroll. 30 years later he was fined… money! Nobody suffers like he does. Canadians will quietly open the Gordie Howe Bridge so as to not set off our president. Good luck on that! It looks like the people who think everything is rigged probably rigged the Presidential 1776 Award competition. Tulsi Gabbard's brother tried to lure kids up to his hotel room with gum and money. Those kids were not as dumb as he might have expected.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin got together again, and all was good and proper for about an hour this week. Well, 'ello, Gub'ner! Trump's Andy Biggs will contest gubernatorially against Cindy McCain's Katie Hobbs in Arizona. Dem Francesca Hong has broken into the lead in Wisconsin. Platner replacement Troy Jackson is ahead of Susan Collins for Senator in Maine with a winning message. Authenticity is so crazy, it just might work. It's now a Dem/Gop dead heat for the Senate in the generic… Of course, MAGA is ready to forgive a lot of Gop sins in their candidate, especially when the alternative is a Commie. Too bad Canadians aren't voting. Gops don't want to talk 2020 fraud in 2026, especially when it's their plan for election takeovers in 2028. Everything Trump touches dies. Or it tries to kill us. Or make others want to kill us. Or maybe wish death upon others. Even death is no escape from Trump assholery. Donald K. Trump art of the dealed the Sauds nukes. Maybe they'll give him something really cool. Trump's Iran war has cost $37.5 billion so far, but Pete Hicseth figures he can tie up all the loose ends for about three times that. Speaking of triple, that's how much Donald Trump Jr's investments in Donald Trump Sr.'s pet causes have increased in value in only months. OpenAI's AI facehugged Hugging Face servers, which is not good, man. The New York Times recognizes Denise Oliver-Velez. Larry the Cat knows how to treat the press right.

This whole week is getting f*#ked up by doctor appointments, man! Yesterday, it was Greg missing the show. Today, it was me leaving early for an appointment of my own. What's next? A dentist appointment?! Well, yes. But at least that one's "after hours." Limiting ourselves to one hour necessarily kept the number of stories covered way down. But things keep happening, regardless! Even if those things are stupid and shouldn't be happening at all! For instance, even though they've now drained the Reflecting "Pool" multiple times, revealing zero evidence (and destroying any that might have existed) of anything that could even remotely be portrayed as the "vandalism" Trump and administration officials keep blaming for the disaster, Jeanine Pirro is stuck for the moment continuing to (appear to) embarrass herself by going forward with baseless "charges." For those who were looking for a reminder that The New York Times still does important work and is capable of "getting it," today's front page story was a lengthy focus on Trump's "One Big Beautiful Bill Act" dropping nearly half a million people from SNAP programs in Arizona alone. And it's just getting started, because Medicare is next. But not until it will be too late to impact elections. Hey, remember that time Trump said he was going to send a hospital ship to Greenland pardon 250 people for America's 250th anniversary year? Yeah, well, that requires work, and Trump people don't do that. In fact, they're doing massive numbers of not doing it. New trend in American sports: If officials rule against you, threaten to call Trump. This should do wonders for the lives of Little League umpires. Anyone wanna buy a statue? Anyone wanna know why no one wants to buy this statue?

Chaos! David Waldman barely made it through today's KITM. Greg Dworkin called in to say he wasn't calling in. Then we lost our live feed because of the wildfires up north in… not where our Maniac in Chief is aiming his napalm, but at our telecommunications hub in Oregon, hopefully not too near to Justice Putnam! Those Trump buoys cause about as much trouble as Those Trump boys. Trump's Qatari 747 is going back to the shop to get "maxed out". Donald will be disappointed that doesn't include gold-plated wire rims. Trump airport needs more money from taxpayers before it begins kickbacks to non-taxpayers. Trump got one more jinx in before the World Cup finals. Donald left a moral stain on the entire event but dropped his biggest stink at Spain's World Cup celebrations, that he wanted to make the Trump celebration. That smell is the kind that lingers but can be scrubbed away with effort. Everyone booed either Trump or Gianni Infantino. Only one of them gives a damn. Somehow, Trump has not completely killed the SAVE act, while Congress and Senate take a few more whacks at it. Lisa Murkowski is more concerned about her state than Trump. There's another Vance today. There goes the neighborhood.

David Waldman delivers us safely to the weekend. Even he is not exactly sure how. It seems like everyone's trying the new "MAHA Blast" featured at Taco Bell and many other participating outlets… often by surprise. Those "Trump Trots" (Or just "The Trumps", if you are really in a hurry) are caused by exposure to DOGE Sh*t. The takeaway on Donald K. Trump's speech last night is to take it far away. To even address it at all is a form of sanewashing. Tommy Tuberville liked it though. Tell it to the judge, Donald. Back to the whole point of Trump's presidency: the grift. Trump promoted companies on Truth Social days after buying their stocks. He is now selling priority access to those stock tips, because why not? The DOJ is dropping charges against the cryptofraudster who made $722 million on the backs of idiots, as game recognizes game. Trump's teleprompter operator made $100K betting on Trump's speeches and that go-getter received a paid vacation. The DOJ also forced a judge to drop the Jan 6 case on Proud Boys. ICE Killer David Brouillette should have never been allowed near a gun and yet was issued one again and again. You need to record ICE atrocities because those guys with cameras there will not be. United Airlines might reroute passengers who don't want to arrive at AI-Slop DJT. Then again, they might not want a visit from the DOJ. Gops in disarray won't be passing their veteran's benefits bill for Trump not to sign. Things are so crazy, even Todd Blanche might not get passed.

Will Donald K. Trump create a singularity of cretinous lies tonight massive enough to swallow the United States, or will this be his taco of all tacos? There's only one way to find out, and that is to listen to David Waldman tomorrow describe the Bluesky posts commenting on those who heard about what Trump said. Don't watch tonight, as you can't get too close… the stupid, they say, it burns. For certain, Trump will not be talking about his federal prosecutor marching on June 6, or the text messages not just covered up, but erased. Greg Dworkin not only hauls in his usual Raft O'Stories™, but talks like a sailor too! A record 58% of battleground voters disapprove of Trump. Dem Haley Stevens is7 points ahead of Dem Abdul El-Sayed in Michigan for Senator. Following the primary, their factions are hopefully to become re-arrayed for the election, or at least hopefully hold each other in higher regard than they would some Gop candidate with the Nazi son-in-law. California's Xavier Becerra is crushing Gop Steve Hilton's gubernatorials. House Gops have pretty much run out of time to pass their reconciliation package. You will not hear the answer to who won the 2020 election in the Senate confirmation hearings. You won't hear the answer to any questions, really. If actions speak louder than words, though, Todd Blanche just might not get the unanimous Gop support he needs to get confirmed. ICE continues to maraud, mauling the rights andbodies of anyone they're unable to get a kill shot on. The Secret Service does not want to be JD Vance's Uber. RIP to local legend Denise Oliver Velez.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are here to box up today's chaos. ICE has announced a temporary reduction in streetside executions. Federal hitmen do not take out exactly the correct people but at least meet quotas. Susan Collins might be a little concerned that this would happen to her, but Trump could not be more delighted that someone handles this for him before he takes the Lugar over later in this term. This Thursday night, Donald K. Trump plans to make this Friday morning more stupid than any on record. IQs might remain at record lows for weeks. John Ossoff knows why Trump is doing this. In Michigan, the Senate race is wide open, although falling into maybe familiar patterns. Minnesota governor's race is falling into a psychedelic pattern. Democrats lead by 26 points among "double haters" because voters just can't find as much to hate them about. $5.6 million goes to E. Jean Carroll. Meh, Trump can clear that in three medium bribes. Too bad for Donald that a unitary executive can't sue themselves or he'd have the USA deposited in the Caymen Islands by now. The art of dealing with Trump is to never make a deal with Trump. It shouldn't take AI to tell you that DOGE used AI to create federal policy. New York becomes the first state to impose a data center moratorium. RIP, Pat Oliphant, IMO, the reason that several generations got into politics.

David Waldman, the guy who brought us "pervert glasses" (Well, not the glasses per se, but the concept of, you know…) brings us the Tuesday KITM: RIP to who again? Congresspeople are dropping like very old flies. Mitch is that one on the windowsill who started buzzing again. Lindsey had done that a few times himself before disappearing into the carpet somewhere. Donald K. Trump noted how much they all were attracted to him, but what's another fly gone, more or less? Graham had no wife and kids, but did have a sister, which is close enough for government work. RIP to the State Department, laying off 1,300 employees in order to create the deep state of their dreams. When all is handled from the top down, there need not be a bottom. The National Guard will remain activated in DC as long as Trump is there, give or take. Who else is there to guard the Lincoln Reflecting Pool/Tractor Pull Arena, the gash of which might soon extend beyond the Washington Monument? Boosie Badazz is still working on his art of the deal after paying Jacob Wohl and Jack Burkman for a pardon. E Jean Carroll finally received the $5.6m Trump owed her, sadly not as a giant novelty check in front of Trump Tower. She can do that for her upcoming big check. Corey Lewandowski, who has never once been suspected of propriety, is once again being suspected of impropriety. A federal judge finally said what federal judges should have been saying, probably since there's been Trumps in the US. Do you think that could be a bump in Todd Blanche'spath to confirmation tomorrow? Nah.

Greg Dworkin helped us round up the chaos of this R -1 weekend. Did you have Lindsey Graham buying the farm before Mitch McConnell? What's the process in South Carolina for replacing Graham? Will Republicans just dip into the loser bench from their most recent statewide primary? Too soon to start thinking about how the Republican Infirmity Crisis will impact the balance of power in the next Congress? Ha ha! Trick question! There's no such concept as "too soon" anymore! Texas may yet escape Republican clutches, with the Deporter-in-Chief always on the ballot. But don't let Democratic successes get you optimistic! It's time to bite your nails about [dramatic music]… Democratic Socialists! In random news: One of those "looksmaxxing" dumbasses is dead now, too. Even though he didn't die, there's a bit of procedural drama surrounding the replacement process for Rigor Tortoise. Remember the time we spent last week on the NATO countries working on making their escape from the US umbrella? Well, it's not just NATO anymore. And speaking of craptacular foreign entanglements, Jared Kushner may have just stepped in it, in Albania. Which borders on the Adriatic.

David Waldman invites you to donate today, before we are forced to call it Donald Kagro Trump in the Morning. It's the weekend, and Donald is… where? Hiding in an Iran-proof bunker? Hitting the links with Mitch? Lying in wait for the Reflecting Pool Antifa? Supervising the White House column restoration to more resemble palm trees as the Mar-a-Lago founding fathers intended? Trump has fired all Democrats with the Election Assistance Commission so that he can relax and get more shuteye during midterm election rigging meetings. The Commie Gas franchise is expanding with 3 new stores in the tristate area. Sign up for their new 5-year plan! If it wasn't for the tedious committee hearings, Kash Patel would be living the dream, brother.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin! Here! Today! Graham Platner has dropped out of the Maine Senate race. Well, pretty much, it's hard to tell. Platner doesn't seem to be much into introspection… which is the mark of a real blue-collar man, amirite guys? Donald K. Trump knew that Graham was a pig, and kindred spirit, the moment that he saw him. Democrats, however, haven't been quite sure which one of themselves that they should blame for this, but do agree it will put them at a perfect advantage once they replace Platner with the perfect candidate that they all can become arrayed behind. Gops wouldn't get in a mess like this, because they don't. Maine has fewer gubernatorial vexations. Mallory McMorrow doesn't have Nazi tats or screw around, but she's out anyhow. Meanwhile, Mike Rogers is a strong candidate. He's the STRONGEST candidate RARR! Trump flew his phony baloney Air Force Oneto Turkey and flew the real one back. After all, what's the point of being safe if you don't look cool? Trump had reasons, which were not believed, to which our Master Prevaricator shouted in retort, "That's simple, I was only LYING!" Kentucky Gov. Andy Beshear wants Mitch McConnell to update him on his health… Ha, the joke's on Andy! At NATO, Turkish President Erdogan handed out guns like party favors. What will Mark Carney and Keir Starmer do? Trump should have no problem, as long as he has enough suit pockets empty of silverware and signing pens. A judge has ordered that E. Jean Carroll's $5 million be released to her. Maybe, she got it today. Federal Judge Emil Bove's verdict is that he luvs Donald. Zohran Mamdani is a "football" fan who will call it "soccer", no problem. He does not like VAR, however. Trump doesn't know what a red card is for, after all, his favorite sport is "ruining things".

David Waldman spoke to Mitch McConnell for about 20 minutes this morning, as he often does to prepare for shows. Mitch would like us all to remember that anyone can be a supporter of KITM on Patreon for the incredibly low price of only $5 per month! Noted anglophile Greg Dworkin reports that noted twat Nigel Farage has been appointed Crown Steward and Bailiff of Three of the Chiltern Hundreds, which sure is one way to attempt to keep out of jail for laundering crypto-pounds. Unfortunately for Nige, this puts him directly in the path of trash statesman Count Binface, Vermin Supreme of the Albion. Texas Gop Ken Paxton is hiding out in England or perhaps has found a new place to vote in the midterms. Either way, someone should quickly appoint him to something. Everything that dotard Donald K. Trump touches dies, except algae, and the Islamic Republic of Iran. There is no going back to our relationship with Europe. Greenland could use a restraining order, although that might encourage stalker violence without proper enforcement. Gops desperately hoping to save the Senate get a breather in Maine. Gops in Congress can enjoy the scenery on their way down. Zohran Mamdani is more popular than Benjamin Netanyahu, therefore, Rahm Emanuel will be Zohran Mamdani, or at least not Benjamin Netanyahu. Trump's kids all wanted an airplane ride… Ok, not his "kids", but his cabinet, but Donald doesn't like to play favorites... Ok, he loves to play favorites. It turns out that rich guys who have run out of things to spend money on, can buy airplanes.

David Waldman returns to KITM up this Tuesday. Party Rock Anthem singer Lauren Bennett, RIP. Republican Senator Mitch McConnell…. well, that drum is still rolling as of press time. Democratic Senate candidate Graham Platner… his political career seems in worse shape than Mitch's this morning. Platner's making some of his supporters look worse than most Republicans, and that's saying something. Capturing the Senate was always a toughie, but capturing the House might become tough if Dems don't get rid of him soon. As always, ranked choice voting is the answer. Does Donald K. Trump steal everything he can get his hands on because he's demented, or because he's a thief? Evidence supports that Trump is a dim-witted bastard, and a vile, contemptible, deceitful, kleptomaniac. Trump Accounts for Kids is, of course, a heist. Everything Trump touches dies, sometimes before Trump can suck the life out of it. The US national men's soccer team now looks like cheaters and losers because of Trump. Gop Anna Paulina Luna wants the Patriot Front white nationalist group investigated for being secret Democrats. MAGA Laura Loomer, I guess, is a different person?

Well, we made it through July 4th weekend! The "Great American State Fair" continued to frustrate and disappoint the weird few who insisted on attending. Or trying to, anyway. Fake "pavilions" filled with half-assed "exhibits" that lots of states wanted nothing to do with. Even so, some were made to look like they were participating, even when they weren't. And the look was not good! All-in-all, we should just be glad they didn't burn anything down. Greg Dworkin was here to remind us that there was plenty of other stuff happening this weekend, anyway. Bribery, marching Nazis, FIFA corruption. You know, the usual. Speaking of those marching Nazis, know why it was so easy to get so many of them into DC on July 4th? Probably because they were already there. Interesting developments in the Michigan Senate race, where state senator Mallory McMorrow ended her campaign, leaving just two main Dem contenders in the race. Where will her voters go? Not easy to tell. They'll probably all turn socialist! But not for the reason you might think: i.e., that they're socialists now. They probably just want someone who'll kick a little ass. And there are a lot that need kicking. Meanwhile, the regular onslaught of corruption stories continued unabated. Along with a bunch of people Trump claimed were jailed for "fixing their cars," he also pardoned (by strange coincidence) yet another Perv-A-Lago fraudster, this time one maybe tied to a wee bit of murder. And just for a bit of semiquincentennial fun, what movies best capture America? Well, hold onto your Uncle Sam hats, because America's Poet Laureate might just be the creator of Beavis and Butt-Head.

David Waldman has got his holiday planned out, but what are you doing for the Fourth of July? Traditionally, you might choose to rebel against a tyrant. Some also may reflect upon God's providence, as the ultimate source of liberty, this year more than ever. After all, He is not just pro-freedom, but very much against rampant corruption amongst a nation's leaders. The Great American State Fair's main exhibit Is Trump corruption, There are however billions of other examples. So many, that Donald K. Trump's handing out souvenirs to his friends and relatives. It's not real corruption unless you can cruise around in a pimped out 747, though. Karoline Leavitt got to ride back in the "library" with all of the "books" that Trump plans to "read" when he "retires". The Trump DOJ waited until only hours remained in their deadline to announce that they would not release any more Epstein files, because it's more fun to do it that way. The Trump DOJ experienced "a rapid unexpected disassembly", accidently releasing volume II of Jack Smith's Mar-a-Lago report to the person they are suing for stealing volume I. A Venezuelan man was accused of attempting to choke an ICE officer to death. As usual, authorities did not anticipate the truth tripping them up, almost as if lying is routine procedure… The National Park Service is no longer required to post truthful signage at National Park sites. Olympian canoeist David Hearn has been indicted for vandalizing the DC reflecting pool because directly contradicting Trump lies is a federal crime.

David Waldman won't be attending the Freedom 850,000 Fireworks this Saturday. He can sweat in the dark in his own living room, thank you very much. To help celebrate our nation's 250th birthday, Donald K. Trump will add one more layer of realism to his World War III cosplay in DC, with Saturday's 15 hours of shock and awe, emphasis on the shocking and awfulness. You can't bring food or water but do pack a gas mask and plenty of spare oxygen. Trump might do a flyover in the new Air Force One, which came in on time and only double the budget, by saving on those gaudy missile detection, countermeasure, security, and communication systems. It would seem that Donald does not put a lot of thought into the safety and wellbeing of others, but how would you explain Trump's executive order on pesticides… other than he just does what the last guy told him? It would seem that Trump is constantly losing, but he'd be gone in a second if that really was the case. No matter how much everyone else loses, Trump and his family are having the best time every minute of every day. You know when Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman of Saudi Arabia feels swindled, it's bad. You can't prosecute Trump's Board of Peace because they have decided that you can't. Greg Dworkin has the latest on the midterms, which Senate Gops still don't have to worry about, because of "math". Then again, that math could change. For instance, a close Senate contest is brewing in Iowa, and Jon Ossoff holds a double-digit lead in Georgia. Phil Weiser defeated Michael Bennet in the Colorado governor primary and who doesn't hope that he goes against Victor Marx? Victor will not say how many people he's killed, nor predict how many he will in the future, and yet he still comes off better than Jared Polis. The Vatican excommunicated bishops of a breakaway traditionalist sect. Now do JD Vance!

It's another Primary Day morrow, and Greg Dworkin brings the takeaways, today from Colorado. Phil Weiser beats stalwart Michael Bennet in the gubernatorial. 29-year-old Democratic socialist Melat Kiros has the Mamdanimentum over old-timer Diana DeGette. Young Democratic Socialist Maurice Brown also has the "Mo". Grumpy old Dems become grumpier. There's more to come. Control of the Senate is up for grabs, but the RNC has control of the $100 million. Sherrod Brown is no young socialist, but he knows Ohio. The Donald K. Trump Supreme Court almost killed birthright citizenship. Gops who hope to murder the Constitution for good, ironically hope that a Constitutional amendment will do it, but first plan to torture it a while. A few Trump losses did slip through, for the moment. E. Jean Carroll isn't waiting around. DOGE installed visitor-tracking software on vital federal websites. Meanwhile, Trump wants a master list of spies, but spies don't want to give Trump the list. If Donald wants it, he can come and get it.

David Waldman delivers us to Tuesday, the first Friday of the week. Clarence Thomas' check cleared, so it's once again time for the Trump Supreme Court opinion dump. It was "a mixed bag" of Supreme Court rulings, in that SCOTUS handed Trump everything that wasn't nailed down by the Constitution, but that they will have to get around to the rest over the next couple of years… Patience, Donald, Stephen, and Laura, SCOTUS always plays the long game. Conservative Justices are "originalists" in that they originally decided this outcome back when they were in law school …or even earlier when they heard their uncle say, "When the first one moves in, there goes the neighborhood". There's "America 250", and there's "Freedom 250". One, Trump skims off of, the other… he skims off of, also. One has "George the Star", the other has ""Manny the Masturbator". (I mean, have you seen Abigail Adams?) Trump has another special gift planned for the 250th, once they melt down enough gold fillings and watches to coat it. Websites designed to "catfish", "pharm", "phish", and… have been installed by DOGE, so what are you going to do about it? Signal is still the administration's app of choice. Mike Johnson will try to pass the SAVE America Act on the back of an upcoming defense bill while he throws together a quick 28th amendment to the Constitution.

It's chaos out there, but David Waldman and Greg Dworkin have got this part all figured out, comparatively. Generic Democrats are trouncing generic Republicans heading towards the midterms, probably because there are fewer "generic" Democrats running for office. Zohran Kwame Mamdani was too smart to become featured in the New York Post swimsuit edition. MAGA are too stupid to step in out of the rain. Donald K. Trump is running out of time to rig the election. Graham Platner has only begun to concern Susan Collins. In Alaska, Dan Sullivan is Dan Sullivan's biggest headache. Trump was indicted under the Espionage Act, which is one of many things you should be able to look into but can't. Todd Blanche's DOJ is violating the Epstein Files Transparency Act and Katie Phang is making him pay for it. Trump is solving Iran like Putin is solving Crimea. Mike Johnson is walking the fine line between compliance and complicity. In keeping with existing Trump guidelines, Bill Pulte has hired a Gop operative who looks like a Fox News anchor, likes to party, but acts like a tradwife (wink!) and really knows how to pad a LinkedIn. Trump is eager to begin work on the East Potomac public golf course before the law catches up with him and stops him.