Born in the Eighties

WARNING! WARNING! DOUG WALKER ALERT WARNING! WARNING! Jon, Lauren, Spanky, and TJ talk about the fun time they had at the Midwest Gaming Classic 2026. Yes, we saw the Doug Walker body pillow, no, we did not talk to him so you don't have to.

After a short discussion of new fancy drinks, dirty or otherwise, Spanky and Jon discuss their dueling gardens, and Matt continues his playthrough of the entire* Resident Evil Series. Feel free to Read along with us, in the preview for Season 3 of Born in the Eighties, where we discuss the March and April 1996 issues of Nintendo Power!!!

When you are working with Dick's, you gotta be careful. You never know how they will act, and you could end up burned.

Yeah, Pokemon day came and went. 30th anniversary?! Pah! Where can you even buy cards when Gamestop is even scalping. Jon needs to get his pack ripping fix, and he doesn't want to break the bank!

He died for our cars related sins.

We start of 2026 with many predictions, who will win? Who will lose? Will anyone care?

Grab your goo belt and pull up your big boy pants, it is 2026 baybeeee!

Girls can be gross right? Yeah.

Well, here we are again, this time to watch the 2006 Christmas Dud "Deck the Halls", could a movie with a title this generic written by the guy who wrote "Big Momma's House 2" and directed by the guy who directed "Big Momma's House 2" be all that bad?

Yes.

Patties down, buns up, that is the way we like to... make Culvers Curdiracle rice.

*Note, Born in the Eighties and its subsidiaries will not be held accountable to any intestinal distress by the consumption of Curdiracle Rice.

The gang tries out some fast food delicacies, and five below beverage finds. Jon then tells the tales of his recent trip to Orlando.

Episode Photo by Jonathan Cooper: https://www.pexels.com/photo/big-container-on-pavement-8811446/

When you are thirsty, reach for the White Power-ade. Don't think too long about what those words together mean, or how it sounded when you said it. It is white cherry flavored! What exactly is a white cherry anyway?

Anyhoo, glug glug!

Sometimes the best way to protect yourself from the rain is a black sith cloak.

In this special episode we are joined by the author, Kaila Yu, talking about her new book "Fetishized: A Reckoning with Yellow Fever, Feminism, and Beauty". Topics range from the import modeling scene and the very troubling depictions of asians in media in the early 2000's, to completely important questions by a returning "Quizbot". Check out this episode, and check out Kaila's book, available now wherever you usually buy books!

Does Jon really need that gene sequencer? What home is not complete without a gene sequencer? Matt becomes Dr. Matt, Cat MD, and Spanky is really interested in Palmer Luckey's new gaming device.

It isn't the size, it is how you use it. Jon buys way too many laptops, and Spanky plans his trip to the tech mecca that is Microcenter. TJ shares a "snake" story, and we chat about the Switch 2, Mario Kart World, and Donkey Kong Bananza.

Spanky had to travel 8 hours to eat a lot of brats and drink a lot of beer. Enjoy hearing the tales of a weekend in WI. We also talk about 3d printing, Jon buying stuff at auctions, and check out a crop of A-holes on Reddit.

We were gone for quite a while. We have explanations. Jon and TJ hash things out, discuss Jon's addiction to the UW SWAP auction, and TJ has thoughts on the Switch 2.

The Nintendo Switch 2 is announced, Jon and TJ talk about the Midwest Gaming Classic, and Jon is obsessed with his new Homelab. Spanky, why have you done this to Jon?

It's Borg-en time! It turns out that cyberpunk actually isn't as cool as we all thought it would be, and you know that reddit is going to be mad at a woman that doesn't like a dog.

That muscular cat can sure cook up some good grub. Pass me the bespoke tartar sauce that got the rave reviews online, I am nearly finished with my final fantasy 6 playthrough and I need some energy after spending all night browsing reddit and trying and failing to buy a GPU.

Episode title image remixed from Photo by Nadin Sh: https://www.pexels.com/photo/fish-and-sauce-11513615/

Yeah, that little thing is pretty important. So, don't drink too much Nuka Victory Cola from your giant theater soda cup. Your Pancreas will thank you.

Episode art remixed from: Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko: https://www.pexels.com/photo/medical-people-looking-at-an-image-on-computer-monitors-6235052/

Man, according to that guy on youtube that has a really slick goatee, I need to have my gamer card revoked due to my infection with the woke mind virus. Sheesh. I thought I was a real gamer, but I guess not. Wokesters like us cannot be true gamers, even if we put over 50 hours a week into Morrowind.

Episode image adapted from photo by Tima Miroshnichenko: https://www.pexels.com/photo/fashion-man-hands-people-7047011/

Nintendo was wrong, 2025 is going to be the year of Luigi for sure. TJ is ill and missing, presumed possibly dead. We chat about Superman, comic book movies in general, Jon learning Japanese, and we dredge through some really yucky AITA posts from reddit dot com.

Boy, can you tell what week this episode was recorded? Man, nothing bad at all happened to anyone or the world that week at all. I know we record these in advance, but man has it been a while... I guess Jon has a pretty good excuse.

Oh snap, we saw a big red one this year. SOS, amirite? IYKYK. Man, this was way too long right? Needed a script edit. At least we get to see sexy JK Simmons crawl around like a little mink. And look at Lil' Rock, he is totes adorbs.

Jon brings fanciful stories and treats from the fabled city of NYC. Note: Nobody Hangs Bag in this one.

Episode Artwork remixed from photo by Stephanie Ho: https://www.pexels.com/photo/black-tote-bag-1214212/

What a nice flavor, to have on the back end. You like My Hero Academia? We talk about it a bunch in this one. Man, those kids (not you Mineta) are the best right?

Jon continues having his mid-life crisis talking about the wonderful time he had back in college. Except when he went to parties and there were high-schoolers there.. ew... Also, just so you know, anyone can buy that mug, it means nothing unless you EARN it.

I'm gonna be honest about this one. Jon is definitely having a mid-life crisis right? Talking about college while his friends from college have kids moving into their college dorms. Life comes at you fast.

Episode Title Image adapted from Photo by Rachel Claire from Pexels: https://www.pexels.com/photo/men-holding-crayfish-5864756/

So, there is a jump scare at the end of this episode. Do not worry, everyone is fine, how are you?

We chat about old restaurant franchises of yore, as well as the latest streamer controversy. Ah yes, you didn't break any laws, but that doesn't make it any less creepy. Now that the summer games announcements are over, we chat about everything we are looking forward to in the fall. But, honestly Jon is probably just going to be playing ArmA and World of Warcraft.

Photo by cottonbro studio: https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-in-black-and-blue-dress-sitting-on-chair-4842489/

Sufferin' succotash, the summer soda season has sprung! TJ, our special sodamollier, is here to guide you through the new flavors. Maybe they will put AI in soda next? Who knows. All I know is that you definitely should click on these links to win a free PSP on my Xanga blog...

Welcome to the brand new podcast Talkin' Bell, where we talk about all of the Taco Bell menu offerings in excruciating detail. Taco bell is rizzed out, and we are gooning over the new menu items!!!

Episode Artwork adapted from: Photo by Joaquin Carfagna: https://www.pexels.com/photo/neon-taco-on-window-20185282/

He was born in Bricklehem, and destined to die for our plastic sins. Drink some Skittles cocktail and get turnt in his memory! Rasputin has definitely never seen a Zebra before, and would also hate human-ticketmaster people scalping pretty much anything you want to buy.

Well well well... look who decided to come back? Someone who has a potato for a microphone, but we love him anyhow. Topics range from animated faves, to Xanga blog raves.

Episode cover art adapted from Photo by Fidel Hajj: https://www.pexels.com/photo/man-holding-fork-taking-food-2814829/

Yeah, I was on the Varsity DOTA2 squad. Check out my letterman jacket. Man, I would have been so into esports in High School. Instead I was likely saying very ignorant things while playing CS 1.6, Team Fortress and Tribes. Well, it was a different time after all.

Episode Title Art adapted from: Tima Miroshnichenko: https://www.pexels.com/photo/food-light-man-people-7047302/

If you are gonna record a podcast, you better hit record first. Anyhoo, after Jon's recording kerfuffle, we talk of dental procedures, malls of our childhood, Chinese Pepsi flavors, what streaming services we actually have and what is actually on them right now, and we time travel back to 2005 in Jon's Xanga blog.

Episode title art adapted from cottonbro studio from Pexels: https://www.pexels.com/photo/person-in-latex-gloves-holding-plastic-jaw-6528782/

Whoa. Cringe dude. Just keep on keepin on my friend, and don't think about the super embarrassing blogs you used to read, and the super personal stuff you used to post about. 2005 was a different time man...

Did you follow our trading signal? This is totally legal! Don't worry about it, stop trying to look up where our profile pictures came from. Our totally real app on the appstore will make rich!!! Maybe you fell for stupid scams on your Kollege Khronicles, but you are smarter than that now!

Episode title art Photo by Yan Krukau: https://www.pexels.com/photo/lecture-at-the-university-8197534/

Let's get physical... physical, I wanna get physical physical.... media.

Episode Image by Jorge Fakhouri Filho: https://www.pexels.com/photo/photo-of-woman-leaning-on-compact-disc-cases-2531131/

Looking for a place to live for a LOOOOOOOONG time? Zillow has you covered. Also, are milk pranks O.K.? One lactose intolerant person says YES!

Buckle up folks, we got a long one. 5 hundo eps. Crazy. We bring back a blast from the past, our friend, Mercury Stardust. She regales us with tales of her book tour and crazy tiktok life. Quizbot grills mercury with the hard hitting questions, and we all wonder if Jon will accidentally deadname his guest? Tune in to find out! Thanks so much for listening for 500 episodes, here is to 500 more!

Cover art Photo by Dids .: https://www.pexels.com/photo/person-solving-distance-of-points-2714073/

TJ has some stories from the hospital about how he lost a bit of weight... surgically. We also talk about how Trucks are dumb, and try to out-interrupt eachother in a game of Um... Actually.

Spanky refuses to talk to gamers, and the vibes in the World of Warcraft are all off. What isn't off is those sweet subtle tomato vibes. Also, are you ready for your annual spousal evaluation report? I have a lot of notes...

That is a real "oof" right there. And we are 100% sure she isn't a Nazi right?

Title image adapted from Musa Ortaç: https://www.pexels.com/photo/man-hit-by-boxing-glove-3586873/

There were a surprising amount of guns in that children's anime right?

Art from Deviant Art user Vixdojofox

What will they think of next? Monkey Cameo? Wait. That is my idea, pls do not steal. I have sent the idea via post to myself, so I own the copyright on that idea. I will have a lawyer look into this, promise.

Yeah, you got your mortadell' your gabagool, your bologna. Basic cold cuts. Head cheese is for real dudes. Get that collagen in ya.

Imagine this, you have your book-it free personal pan pizza coupon in hand, your mom pulls in to the pizza hut parking lot. You have tickets to see Fern Gully later, but right now, it is time to have a piece of heaven in the garden room. Everyone had one of those right? A vegetation lounge? A sun room? Greenhouse? Just my pizza hut? Ahh.. memories.

Jon's AT&T fiber went out for a long weekend, and that was not a pleasant time. TJ brings up the Mtn Dew spreadsheet rankings for our perusal, and something weird is afoot in the Buffalo Wild Wings subreddit. We will also educate you on "Pig Butchering" scams and how to avoid them.

Photo by Karolina Grabowska: https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-spreading-peanut-butter-on-toast-6659875/

TJ, Jon and Lauren travel to the great state of Missouri (Misery) to visit Spanky and sample the various mountain dews of the country. We see sharks, get hopped up on donkey sauce, throw out our voices shouting at "Gambler" and lived to tell the tale. There was truly too much Dew.

You know the world is infected by the woke mind virus when even the Tabacco companies are changing their mascots. McCain never would have allowed this.

Ooooh sorry! Is your rental unit haunted? That isn't covered under our maintenence policy. You should get the apartment cleansed, at your own expense of course. Also, how many entities did you say were staying with you? 2? Well, if you have more than 4 in the apartment, we will need to increase your rent!

Ken would probably join the union right? I would hope so, or Ron Perlman might burn his house down. Those giant enemy crabs look great in HD though right? Maybe you could mod your 3ds to play whatever game that reference is from? It has to be easier than assembling a salad right? Before we start, say it with me now, RIIIIDGGEEE RAACCCCEEEERRR!!!!

TJ takes his family into the wild wild wilderness, Spanky hates youtube, Matt ponders what alimony is, and Jon wonders about the ethics of consuming "furries". All that and we play another round of "Um Actually".

We have to DISRUPT the paradigm of podcasting. We Millennials four will judge our peers, and judge them harshly. We will also attempt to make this one "hearable", as long as TJ just THINKS for once in his life.

Why does everyone have to turn their hobby into a side hustle? I just want some .stl's man. We delve into the BITE archives and chat some history, as well as worry about the kids vlogging. Jon spills like half a bottle of gatorade on his desk, and TJ attempts to save a bird. We also talk about the Playstation Summer Games Event.

The grapes had to escape torture devices, or be squashed. Is it possible to save crystal play doh? TJ has some melon crushers that you could use, if you need them. Also, if you are being filmed at a disc golf tournament, please belch as loudly and longly as you possibly can. Thanks.

Maybe that is why the kakes are so tasty? Hmm? You have a lot to answer for Tastykake, and I am not letting you off the hook either Little Debbie.

When I experiment in the kitchen, it always ends up making faux-healthy expensive soda alternatives. I don't know about you.

If you eat too many pizza toppings, you are going to blow out your gamer chair.

There should be an AI for napkin folding designs right? Probably would be just as useful as chatGPT, or Bard, or whatever the hell Google or Microsoft are trying to shove into their search engines. Also, it sucks to be a third wheel, take the hint and go relax in a scented bath, bonus points if you can pet your service dog from the bathtub.

Matt asks for anime recommendations and Jon is almost too happy to oblige. Spanky considers the rules of a problematic age gap as we talk through some more of Reddit's "Am I the Asshole", and TJ hosts another edition of "Um, Actually!". Who will win? Who will lose? Tune in to find out.

Everyone has an origin story

Man, neanderthals really had it rough, no kombucha, monkfruint extract, erythritol, APFSDS rounds, or Playstation Plus? How did they get by?!

This guy wants to kick the coolest person out of their party.

Look, sometimes you need to banish your party guests to their cold car, because they are eating potato salad.

Can I get uhh... a podcast episode? Maybe with some talking about bathrooms and bar rescue? What about the best and worst drive thrus? Or, the Amazon TV show Invincible, or the Rian Johnson movie Glass Onion? You got one of those?

Don't leave any of the pig to waste! It is all good, Spanky knows well. We all list our favorite movie candies and take a stand against family hazing rituals. TJ curates another edition of "um actually" and we all try not to think of the relentless march of time for one week more.

Look, we are all geriatric millennials here. We got kids or got friends with kids. It is tough to find time to hang out sometimes. It is also tough because our significant others keep EATING OUR FOOD! Jon and Spanky battle it out in "Um, Actually!" and we talk about Mastodon a whole heck-ton.

Not all heroes wear capes. Some of them interrupt Thanksgiving dinner, for the best of reasons, and they are definitely not the asshole. Jon saw Mercury's burlesque show, TJ hosts another edition of "Um Actually" and we are all confused over what happened with Matthew Broderick in Ireland in the 80's.

The internet sucks Elon Musk is ruining Twitter (even more than we could have imagined) and we need to go back. Back to a time when the internet was good. Wait.. was the internet ever good?

Man, maybe we should move to Ecuador huh? I mean, the plumbing is shit, but you know how much we love a bidet! Twitter continues to implode, and we have a post elections breakdown of how crappy our country will be for the next 2 years. Hooray!

Look, when things need to get done, you gotta hammer on that x button. We discuss the popularity rankings of slashfiction, what companies made money from the Nazis, and how to talk to the police! We also comment on what appears to be the beginning of the end of Twitter. Man.. PS2 era games were wild...

You gotta keep your piers healthy. Barnacles, seaweed, moss, so many things can be unhealthy for your pier.

Nothing is more refreshing than a Hot Car Soda. If you want to ruin your life, drink a poisonous melon soda. Otherwise sit back and enjoy listening to Jon slowly die from poisoning over this episode.

Yeah, I know that harboring large amounts of radioactive material is not on the lease agreement.. but yeah, you are evicted.

Join the polycule! We discuss bidets, last night in soho, the house of the dragon, the orville, for all mankind, potato preparation, sandman, the current marketing problem with the term "swingers" and we personally forgive eachother for having student loans.

This is a dilly of a pickle of an episode. We do some AITA guessing both equally funny and depressing. Discover the character "Hat Boy", and not to trust paternity tests. TJ witnesses the circle of life unfold, and Jon saw a Star Wars movie, finally.

Jon complains a lot in this one, Matt decides to leave the call, and we all hate how much we are paying to watch shit now.

Whatever you do, don't eat Mom's popsicles.

Well, you gotta go sometime right? Might as well get an award.

The boys talk about the boys, Jon tests his paxlovid mouth on a switch cartridge, we discuss how difficult it is to figure out which comics to buy, and TJ comes up with a new show segment.

Well, why don't y'all come down to my big trailer!? This is exactly the type of super boring game that Jon will be interested in! Not like any of the games announced in Summer Games Fest 2022.

Don't even ask about what happened to episode 456. Here, distract yourself with some of this.. uhh... whatever it is called.. uhh.. zippy poppy.

This rabbit man, he is cramping my style. Time to go on the internet and tell a bunch of strangers about my personal problems and insecurities. This will definitely go well for me.

You know what really hits the spot? An ice cold glass of water. Feels good on the ol b-hole too.

Do you wanna Fanta? Jon is disappointed he cannot consume misery. We all lament gamers in general, as well as expensive vacations. Maybe we just need to Git Gud? Or maybe we all need to become old man wrestlers.

Jon finds out what space tastes like, Matt views a King's Man, Antkeeping is discussed, as well as how spicy things are. Вперед, Україно!

Who wants to get into a fight at Wal-mart? How about sneaking around your own home for loot? What about working at a drive in theater? Go GOBLIN MODE!!!

Microsoft makes a big purchase, Jon melts down over web3 and crypto, and Matt becomes a smelter. TJ eats Taco Bell.

We find the happiest place on earth.

Twitter Bad. 2021 Bad.

Yeah, we had Pilk. What of it? Is it good? Is it bad? Listen to find out.

Dune, NFT's, Pilk, Hell. End the world already.

You gotta be careful with those nozzles. This is not a reference to passing kidney stones either.

This is the episode where Jon talks about buying games on ebay, repro carts, getting your own screwdriver to open cartridges, and testing your significant other's allergies without them knowing.