Born in the Eighties

Whoa. Cringe dude.  Just keep on keepin on my friend, and don't think about the super embarassing blogs you used to read, and the super personal stuff you used to post about. 2005 was a different time man...

Did you follow our trading signal?  This is totally legal!  Don’t worry about it, stop trying to look up where our profile pictures came from.  Our totally real app on the appstore will make rich!!! Maybe you fell for stupid scams on your Kollege Khronicles, but you are smarter than that now!

Episode title art Photo by Yan Krukau: https://www.pexels.com/photo/lecture-at-the-university-8197534/

Let's get physical... physical, I wanna get physical physical.... media.

Episode Image by Jorge Fakhouri Filho: https://www.pexels.com/photo/photo-of-woman-leaning-on-compact-disc-cases-2531131/

Looking for a place to live for a LOOOOOOOONG time?  Zillow has you covered.  Also, are milk pranks O.K.?  One lactose intolerant person says YES!

Buckle up folks, we got a long one.  5 hundo eps.  Crazy.  We bring back a blast from the past, our friend, Mercury Stardust.  She regales us with tales of her book tour and crazy tiktok life.  Quizbot grills mercury with the hard hitting questions, and we all wonder if Jon will accidentally deadname his guest? Tune in to find out!  Thanks so much for listening for 500 episodes, here is to 500 more!

Cover art Photo by Dids .: https://www.pexels.com/photo/person-solving-distance-of-points-2714073/

TJ has some stories from the hospital about how he lost a bit of weight... surgically.  We also talk about how Trucks are dumb, and try to out-interrupt eachother in a game of Um... Actually.

Spanky refuses to talk to gamers, and the vibes in the World of Warcraft are all off.  What isn't off is those sweet subtle tomato vibes.  Also, are you ready for your annual spousal evaluation report?  I have a lot of notes...

That is a real "oof" right there.  And we are 100% sure she isn't a Nazi right?

Title image adapted from Musa Ortaç: https://www.pexels.com/photo/man-hit-by-boxing-glove-3586873/

There were a surprising amount of guns in that children's anime right?

Art from Deviant Art user Vixdojofox

What will they think of next? Monkey Cameo? Wait. That is my idea, pls do not steal.  I have sent the idea via post to myself, so I own the copyright on that idea. I will have a lawyer look into this, promise.

Yeah, you got your mortadell' your gabagool, your bologna.  Basic cold cuts.  Head cheese is for real dudes.  Get that collagen in ya.  

Imagine this, you have your book-it free personal pan pizza coupon in hand, your mom pulls in to the pizza hut parking lot.  You have tickets to see Fern Gully later, but right now, it is time to have a piece of heaven in the garden room.  Everyone had one of those right? A vegetation lounge? A sun room? Greenhouse?  Just my pizza hut?  Ahh.. memories.

Jon's AT&T fiber went out for a long weekend, and that was not a pleasant time.  TJ brings up the Mtn Dew spreadsheet rankings for our perusal, and something weird is afoot in the Buffalo Wild Wings subreddit.  We will also educate you on "Pig Butchering" scams and how to avoid them.

Photo by Karolina Grabowska: https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-spreading-peanut-butter-on-toast-6659875/

TJ, Jon and Lauren travel to the great state of Missouri (Misery) to visit Spanky and sample the various mountain dews of the country.  We see sharks, get hopped up on donkey sauce, throw out our voices shouting at "Gambler" and lived to tell the tale.  There was truly too much Dew.

You know the world is infected by the woke mind virus when even the Tabacco companies are changing their mascots.  McCain never would have allowed this.

Ooooh sorry! Is your rental unit haunted? That isn't covered under our maintenence policy.  You should get the apartment cleansed, at your own expense of course.  Also, how many entities did you say were staying with you? 2? Well, if you have more than 4 in the apartment, we will need to increase your rent!

Ken would probably join the union right?  I would hope so, or Ron Perlman might burn his house down.  Those giant enemy crabs look great in HD though right?  Maybe you could mod your 3ds to play whatever game that reference is from? It has to be easier than assembling a salad right?  Before we start, say it with me now, RIIIIDGGEEE RAACCCCEEEERRR!!!!

TJ takes his family into the wild wild wilderness, Spanky hates youtube, Matt ponders what alimony is, and Jon wonders about the ethics of consuming "furries".  All that and we play another round of "Um Actually".

We have to DISRUPT the paradigm of podcasting.  We Millennials four will judge our peers, and judge them harshly.  We will also attempt to make this one "hearable", as long as TJ just THINKS for once in his life.

Why does everyone have to turn their hobby into a side hustle? I just want some .stl's man.  We delve into the BITE archives and chat some history, as well as worry about the kids vlogging.  Jon spills like half a bottle of gatorade on his desk, and TJ attempts to save a bird.  We also talk about the Playstation Summer Games Event.

The grapes had to escape torture devices, or be squashed.  Is it possible to save crystal play doh?  TJ has some melon crushers that you could use, if you need them.  Also, if you are being filmed at a disc golf tournament, please belch as loudly and longly as you possibly can.  Thanks.

Maybe that is why the kakes are so tasty? Hmm? You have a lot to answer for Tastykake, and I am not letting you off the hook either Little Debbie.

When I experiment in the kitchen, it always ends up making faux-healthy expensive soda alternatives.  I don't know about you.

If you eat too many pizza toppings, you are going to blow out your gamer chair.

There should be an AI for napkin folding designs right?  Probably would be just as useful as chatGPT, or Bard, or whatever the hell Google or Microsoft are trying to shove into their search engines.  Also, it sucks to be a third wheel, take the hint and go relax in a scented bath, bonus points if you can pet your service dog from the bathtub.

Matt asks for anime recommendations and Jon is almost too happy to oblige.  Spanky considers the rules of a problematic age gap as we talk through some more of Reddit's "Am I the Asshole", and TJ hosts another edition of "Um, Actually!". Who will win? Who will lose? Tune in to find out.

Everyone has an origin story

Man, neanderthals really had it rough, no kombucha, monkfruint extract, erythritol, APFSDS rounds, or Playstation Plus?  How did they get by?!

This guy wants to kick the coolest person out of their party.  

Look, sometimes you need to banish your party guests to their cold car, because they are eating potato salad.

Can I get uhh... a podcast episode?  Maybe with some talking about bathrooms and bar rescue?  What about the best and worst drive thrus? Or, the Amazon TV show Invincible, or the Rian Johnson movie Glass Onion?  You got one of those?

Don't leave any of the pig to waste!  It is all good, Spanky knows well.  We all list our favorite movie candies and take a stand against family hazing rituals.  TJ curates another edition of "um actually" and we all try not to think of the relentless march of time for one week more.

Look, we are all geriatric millennials here.  We got kids or got friends with kids.  It is tough to find time to hang out sometimes.  It is also tough because our significant others keep EATING OUR FOOD!  Jon and Spanky battle it out in "Um, Actually!" and we talk about Mastodon a whole heck-ton.

Not all heroes wear capes.  Some of them interrupt Thanksgiving dinner, for the best of reasons, and they are definitely not the asshole.  Jon saw Mercury's burlesque show, TJ hosts another edition of "Um Actually" and we are all confused over what happened with Matthew Broderick in Ireland in the 80's.

The internet sucks Elon Musk is ruining Twitter (even more than we could have imagined) and we need to go back.  Back to a time when the internet was good.  Wait.. was the internet ever good?

Man, maybe we should move to Ecuador huh?  I mean, the plumbing is shit, but you know how much we love a bidet!  Twitter continues to implode, and we have a post elections breakdown of how crappy our country will be for the next 2 years. Hooray!

Look, when things need to get done, you gotta hammer on that x button.  We discuss the popularity rankings of slashfiction, what companies made money from the Nazis, and how to talk to the police!  We also comment on what appears to be the beginning of the end of Twitter.  Man.. PS2 era games were wild...

You gotta keep your piers healthy.  Barnacles, seaweed, moss, so many things can be unhealthy for your pier.  

Nothing is more refreshing than a Hot Car Soda.  If you want to ruin your life, drink a poisonous melon soda.  Otherwise sit back and enjoy listening to Jon slowly die from poisoning over this episode.

Yeah, I know that harboring large amounts of radioactive material is not on the lease agreement.. but yeah, you are evicted.

Join the polycule!  We discuss bidets, last night in soho, the house of the dragon, the orville, for all mankind, potato preparation, sandman, the current marketing problem with the term "swingers" and we personally forgive eachother for having student loans.

This is a dilly of a pickle of an episode.  We do some AITA guessing both equally funny and depressing.  Discover the character "Hat Boy", and not to trust paternity tests.  TJ witnesses the circle of life unfold, and Jon saw a Star Wars movie, finally.

Jon complains a lot in this one, Matt decides to leave the call, and we all hate how much we are paying to watch shit now.

Whatever you do, don't eat Mom's popsicles.

Well, you gotta go sometime right? Might as well get an award.

The boys talk about the boys, Jon tests his paxlovid mouth on a switch cartridge, we discuss how difficult it is to figure out which comics to buy, and TJ comes up with a new show segment.

Well, why don't y'all come down to my big trailer!?  This is exactly the type of super boring game that Jon will be interested in!  Not like any of the games announced in Summer Games Fest 2022.

Don't even ask about what happened to episode 456.  Here, distract yourself with some of this.. uhh... whatever it is called.. uhh.. zippy poppy.

This rabbit man, he is cramping my style.  Time to go on the internet and tell a bunch of strangers about my personal problems and insecurities.  This will definitely go well for me.

You know what really hits the spot? An ice cold glass of water.  Feels good on the ol b-hole too.

Do you wanna Fanta?  Jon is disappointed he cannot consume misery.  We all lament gamers in general, as well as expensive vacations.  Maybe we just need to Git Gud?  Or maybe we all need to become old man wrestlers.

Jon finds out what space tastes like, Matt views a King's Man, Antkeeping is discussed, as well as how spicy things are. Вперед, Україно!

Who wants to get into a fight at Wal-mart?  How about sneaking around your own home for loot?  What about working at a drive in theater?  Go GOBLIN MODE!!!

Microsoft makes a big purchase, Jon melts down over web3 and crypto, and Matt becomes a smelter.  TJ eats Taco Bell.

We find the happiest place on earth.  

Twitter Bad. 2021 Bad.

Yeah, we had Pilk.  What of it?  Is it good? Is it bad?  Listen to find out.

Dune, NFT's, Pilk, Hell.  End the world already.

You gotta be careful with those nozzles.  This is not a reference to passing kidney stones either.

This is the episode where Jon talks about buying games on ebay, repro carts, getting your own screwdriver to open cartridges, and testing your significant other's allergies without them knowing.

I guess like... Mario is the most famous italian-american now right?  Maybe Snooki?  Who knows at this point.

"I never thought Leopards would eat MY face!" sobs woman who voted for the Leopards Eating People's Faces Party.

Jon has a VCR that is too stubborn to work, TJ elaborates on twitch "Hate Raids", we talk about our algorhythmic future, pine about riding the rails, rant about vaccine denial awards, and put centrism on blast.

You gotta drop out, reality is irredeemable, dance teachers are doin felonies, alpine slides are killing kids, and TJ can't stop watching game shows!  2021 Amirite?

It is a lot of fun watching people do stupid things, like fall off of towers of milk crates, break up with their nude GF, and stop a rappin granny from having fun.  

And we thought the ultimate grift was to get into the YA-universe.  Turns out boomer phones is where we should have spent our time.

Spooky scary computer guy, sends shivers down your spine, shrieking SQL's will shock your soul, seal your doom tonight.

Things get heated.  Nazi Furries, conservative fashion, feet, google, tiktok stocking videos, grocery hauls.  We have it all.

God, we immediately spend 30% of the podcast talking about fast food "hacks"

You your kids and your Johnson.  Really?

The gang reviews some ancient technology, and discovers if they are indeed smarter than a fifth grader.

I like em big... I like em chunky.  I like em cathode, I like em ray tubey.  Big TV bois only.  Need a forklift to move that shizz.

Hey y'all, you get some of that vaccine?  Shit is tight.  

Get your hot new crypto here, blockchain, dogecoin, bitcoin, ethereum, NFT, all of the SEO keywords!  We invent a kindler gentler crypto, and if you steal the idea from us, you are a jerk.  Pls do not steal.

Why even bother getting canceled by an internet mob, when you can cancel yourself?  Bean dad, cinnamon toast shrimp guy, how the mighty have fallen

It sounds worse than it actually is.

Did the optimized SEO serve this episode to you?  Did the algorithm redpill your grandmother to listen to the milkshake ducked bean dad?  Will MBMBaM apologize for this one as well? Tom Hanks did nothing wrong!

We talk all things Nintendo this week on the p-cast.  Keep Bowser's name out of your damn mouth, respect the name.  Hey, listen.

Ok, first thing's first.  it is not that kind of Soggy Biscuit.  Grab your suicide cables and geiger counters, we got some negative ion products to wear.  They are definitely healthy and not full of powdered thorium.

The numbers just go up! Have Diamond Hands, and not paper ones.  Money printers go brrr.  Lol, stonks!  Hedge Fund managers beware, because some crazy people on reddit have a lot of money to burn.

We here at Pizza Inn just want to make sure all of the LEGAL votes are counted?  What is wrong with that?  We are great at making pizzas and salads, and we support those proud patriots who are asking the right questions, and holding our governmental officials accountable.

Lol, it is the weed number dude.  Adam returns to talk about his life in the land of legal kush.

If anyone has listened to this episode on a Dell Pocket DJ(tm) please email bitecast@gmail.com with a picture of you holding the pocket DJ playing the episode and today's newspaper, and I will send you a 50$ Gift Card to Amazon.

Let's ruin some childhoods!  Yo Da Man? Or is it Yoda Da Man?  Let's grab the fullscreen version of Attack of the Clones and watch!  Also, the Superman cartoons from the 40's are dope.

The Denvo Broncers, your favorite footbawl teem.  Jon has a bit of an issue with words, and for some reason, again, the talk returns to the ABDL community.  Why do we keep doing this to ourselves?

Come on down with your boyfriend or hot gamer wife to your local Perkins, if it still exists, to think about the slow march of death.  Our new special is our "Oops! All Gluten" burger.  Our bosses are apps now, and capitalism corrupts everything!

Would you like some minions related content?  I will bet you don't want this Minions content.  Look, I am not out there to yuck anyone's yum, but... yuck.

Everyone is in a happy mood for some reason.  The reference to the cough is not what you are thinking, and we are all having a good time drinking.  Celebrate and prepare for January 2021.

Man, can I get a look at that Zune? I want one SOO BAD.  You can download and watch episodes of MTV's Jackass on that thing? So cool. I need one of those.

Ever feel like you just can't get ahead?  Fighting for others over scraps?  Pushing and pulling yourself to get on top, but you never can?  That is capitalism, that is the bucket.  Fuck the bucket.

If you ever want to know about anyone, just check them out on wikipedia and ctrl+f "allegations".  Simple, easy, you will thank me later.  That is all, hail saint death.

It is so easy to be woke.  All you have to do is infer progressive politics and ideals, without actually physically showing any of those things.  Yaaskween so woke, Disney so woke, Marvel so woke.

The name of a cool new grunge-wave indie band, or something more sinister? You decide.

The hawk man is back.  Will you be able to be a protagonist worthy of the alien god, Anthony Hawk?  Will you get into trouble in Europe?  What is Chad Muska doing now anyway?

Money ruins people.  Never trust a rich person.  Always beware of an erect recess, and those people who only watch college basketball.  Also, Black Lives Matter.

The synth is pumping, the Batman is Pattinson, the Riddler is Jigsaw, and the scene is Miami 1984.  This is the Batman movie that we deserve, but not the one we need right now.

If you want nut.com, you better have some serious dough to hand over.  Nut.net seems much more affordable.  If you pick up one of those domains, maybe then your Senpai will notice you.  Good Luck!