mind you

What does a sleep expert do before bed?

I sat down with Dr Sumit, ENT and sleep surgeon and co-founder of Auckland Sleep, to talk about why so many of us are exhausted and still can’t sleep.

Sumit shares his own morning and evening routine, why sleep is a 24-hour cycle, and why you need time to just be before bed after a whole day of doing.

We talk about what happens when sleep problems land in a relationship, the link between ADHD and sleep apnoea, melatonin for children, and why menopause can leave you lying awake just as the kids finally sleep through. Sumit also explains why so much sleep research has been based on men, and what that means for women.

If you’ve decided bad sleep is just how it is for you, listen to this first.

You can find Dr Sumit and his team at aucklandsleep.co.nz

And, if you'd like to try Beauty Sleep, head to jeuneora.co.nz

Plus, if you want to keep your own wellbeing on your to-do-list, let me help you - come and find the Mind You app at charlottecummings.nz

When one person changes, the relationship can feel like it’s suddenly playing by new rules.

If you’re growing in a different direction from your partner, Charlotte Cummings offers practical ways to reconnect without asking either of you to become someone you’re not.

A shift in career, faith, sobriety, personal growth, boundaries, or even your understanding of yourself can move the goalposts for both partners. Charlotte explores why these changes can unsettle a relationship - and how couples can make room for who they’re becoming. You’ll discover how to stay connected to each other’s inner worlds, ask questions that invite curiosity instead of conflict, and negotiate change without trying to persuade your partner. Charlotte also explores the grief that can come with leaving an old version of your relationship behind, and how to notice what still unites you. Plus, find out why doing something genuinely exciting together may help more than another pleasant dinner date, how difficult feelings can shape your reactions, and how to support a partner’s change without giving up your own beliefs or preferences. Change doesn’t automatically mean you’re growing apart. For couples in a season of uncertainty, this conversation offers a hopeful, grounded way to find new ways of being together while keeping safety and wellbeing at the centre.

What would change if you stopped dressing for other people? Deb Caldwell has built STORM on trusting her gut for 20 years, and I think her approach works just as well for your life as it does for your wardrobe.

Deb is the founder and creative director of STORM, and she knows what it means to stay in your lane and trust that your people will find you. We talk about why trying to please everyone means losing what makes you different, why she doesn't believe balance exists, and what she hears women say in fitting rooms every single day. Spoiler: nobody is looking at your arms.

We also get practical with your wardrobe. Deb shares her five minute declutter trick (it cleared out 22 blouses), why you should ignore the size on the label, and her number one rule: don't save anything for best.

You'll see me wearing STORM on the Mind You podcast, and I love the confidence I get from these sharp, edgy, fun clothes. I hope you enjoy this conversation with Deb.

Find STORM at stormonline.com
Explore the Mind You app at charlottecummings.nz

Broadcaster Toni Street on public speaking nerves, confident communication, burnout and starting counselling for the first time in her life.

Toni is one of New Zealand's most loved broadcasters. She's been on our screens and radios for 20 years and has hosted New Zealander of the Year for 12. And for a long time, she still broke into a cold sweat every time she had to speak.

We talk about how to speak with confidence when every part of you wants to say no. Why people are judging you anyway, so you may as well put your hand up. Why waiting to feel 100% ready keeps capable people stuck while others get the opportunities. How to manufacture your own energy on camera. And why you don't need to be funny, or feel your best, to be worth listening to.

Toni also opens up about her mental health. Hosting through an autoimmune condition and high doses of steroids. Losing three siblings. And this year, noticing her joy had gone flat, and seeing a counsellor who told her she was close to burnout. Everything on her plate was good. It was just too much.

We get into micro moments of rest, calming an overloaded nervous system, and simple tricks for public speaking anxiety, including why wriggling your toes tells your body you're not being chased by a tiger.

If you're a high-functioning woman who keeps saying no because you don't feel ready yet, this one's for you.

Find Toni and her Confident Communication course at tonistreet.com or on Instagram @tonimstreet.

Want to take this further? My new Mind You app has tools, courses and resources to help you put these ideas into practice. Find it at charlottecummings.nz.

Where do you get your sense of worth from? Most of us default to two answers: what we achieve, or what other people think of us. Neither holds up long term.

In this episode I talk about non-contingent self-worth, the kind that doesn't move when your circumstances do. I see this come up constantly with clients, in burnout, in people-pleasing, even in addiction and infidelity. It always traces back to the same question: where does my value actually come from?

Part of the answer is simple. You have value just for being human. Full stop. It has nothing to do with your achievements or what other people think of you, whatever your circumstances, whatever mistakes you've made, whatever season of life you're in.

I get practical too. How to notice fawning. Why perfectionism is a shield, not a strength. How to let people see you unfinished. How to rest without earning it first.

Nothing you do can make you more valuable. Nothing you do can make you less. That's the whole point.

If this episode helped, I'd love you to follow the podcast, leave a review, or share it with someone who needs to hear it. Come find me at charlottecummings.nz for the Mind You app, courses and resources.

I don't think ADHD belongs to one person in a relationship. I think the relationship has ADHD.

This week I'm unpacking what happens when ADHD (diagnosed early, diagnosed late, or still unnamed) shows up in a partnership, and why it affects both people, not just the one who has it. I talk about the emotional weight that comes with a late diagnosis, why rejection sensitive dysphoria is so common, and how understanding your unbearable feeling changes everything.

I also share the practical stuff. Why I statements can backfire, how body doubling works, using AI to depersonalise decisions, fighting time blindness with routine, and giving yourself permission to outsource without shame.

If ADHD is part of your relationship, I hope this gives you language, a bit of relief, and somewhere to start.

Want more? Come find the Mind You app at charlottecummings.nz

And here are the episodes I mentioned: Unbearable Feelings and Relationships https://open.spotify.com/episode/2H5kknVJxfiAwa1WjDXDPo?si=41eb4ed029d74536 and Unbearable Feelings https://open.spotify.com/episode/2vh7ZngihnqTVgO9UiawsD?si=5HvaQz6DRwSKvHuWQJV9Yg

I suddenly kept seeing my friends posting photos of their drawers and pantries, tagging The Home Edit and Mel Robbins. So I sat down and listened to the episode that started this decluttering frenzy. I came away furious, and worried for every overloaded woman hearing it - especially, the neurodivergent ones. My guest is Carrie from Curate Home NZ, a professional declutterer and home organiser who specialises in working with neurodivergent households. We both like Mel Robbins. We both like The Home Edit. What we don't like is telling an already overloaded woman that decluttering is simple, and she should just be able to get on and do it.

We talk about:

- Why the "it's simple, just do it" message misses what actually makes decluttering hard, whether or not you're neurodivergent

- What decluttering looks like for a neurodivergent brain specifically, and why executive function makes it a much bigger task than it looks

- The broken window effect, and why putting one thing away can feel completely pointless in an overwhelmed house

- The shame spiral behind curated home content

- Why the gendered mental load means "messy" gets judged completely differently depending on whose name is on the room

- Practical, unglamorous advice for getting started without buying a single storage box.

If this episode helps you, I would love you to follow Mind You, leave a review, or share it with someone who needs to hear it. Head to charlottecummings.nz for my other tools and resources, and to sign up for my new app, Mind You, the home for all my resources, post-podcast chat, and everything you need to actually care well for yourself.

You can also find the lovely Carrie at curatehome.co.nz

What if the hardest thing that's ever happened to you didn't have to be another trauma?

In this episode I'm joined by one of my own clients, Naomi, who shares her deeply personal story of discovering she carries the BRCA1 gene mutation - testing she undertook in her 40s, in light of her Mum sadly passing away with cancer at age 47. We talk about her decision to undergo preventative surgery, learning to disappoint people without guilt, navigating years of secondary infertility, and finding an unexpected sense of empowerment through one of the hardest seasons of her life.

Naomi opens up about faith, family, building a support team, and the small shifts in perspective that changed how she moved through fear, including the moment that reframed everything for her: what if this isn't just another traumatic experience, but a life changing and positive one?

If you've ever faced a health crisis, a hard diagnosis, or a season that felt like it was taking more than it was giving, this conversation will stay with you.

For tools, courses and resources, and to check out my brand new app to support your wellbeing - head to charlottecummings.nz.

There's a concept I use with many of my clients, and I've never actually spoken about it on this podcast until now. It's called preferred futures, a concept from narrative therapy.

It's about getting clear on two things: where your life is actually headed if nothing changes, and where it could go if you make the changes you've been thinking about.

In this episode I walk through exactly how I use this with clients, including:

This one applies wherever you're at right now: relationships, work, health, or just the general shape of your life.

If today's conversation gave you something to think about my brand new Mind You app takes these ideas further with tools, courses and support you can come back to whenever you need. You can find out more at charlottecummings.nz

If you found this helpful, please do follow the podcast, leave a review, or send it to someone who needs to hear it.

Do you ever know exactly what you want to say at work - but find yourself second-guessing it, softening it, or waiting for the “right” moment to speak?

Communicating confidently at work isn't just about having a strong voice or being the loudest person in the room. It's about knowing your value, understanding what gets in the way of speaking up, and learning to contribute without constantly questioning yourself.

In this episode of Mind You, I explore the patterns that can make workplace communication harder than it needs to be - particularly for women. She looks at the social expectations that shape how women are perceived, the “unbearable feelings” that can sit underneath our reluctance to speak up, and the subtle ways we can minimise our own ideas before we've even given them a chance.

You'll learn how to:

Because confident communication isn't about becoming someone louder or more forceful.

It's about being willing to take up your space and trust that what you have to say matters.

For many of us, we have to tolerate more attention than we'd naturally like, and it's scary as heck. Our jobs require it. Our goals require it. And the freedom we actually want is sitting on the other side of learning to cope with being seen.

Stanley Henry from Attn Seeker joins me to unpack the psychology of visibility, personal branding, and why attention might be one of the last assets you can still build from nothing. He also shares what it takes to do relationships well when you're a high-functioning person juggling a business, a brand, and a full life - proof that success and a strong relationship aren't mutually exclusive, they just take real intention.

In this episode, Stanley shares:

Whether you're building a personal brand, growing a business, navigating relationship dynamics, or just curious how AI can genuinely support communication at home, this conversation with Stanley Henry gives you a practical, honest look at what it takes to be seen.

You can find Stanley (if he and his team haven't already found you!) at attnseeker.com and @stanleychenry or @theattnseeker

I sat down with Petra Bagust - honestly, she is the best ad for midlife. Through this chat, Petra gives us all the wonderful reasons why midlife is the good bit.

We talk about her ADHD diagnosis, which came after her son's, and the months she spent grieving every theory she'd built to explain herself before that. We get into what actually shifts once you understand your own brain, the difference between legitimising yourself and needing someone else's permission, and the "manic and panic" cycle that used to run her days.

Then there's menopause, without any of the doom and gloom. Petra's having more fun getting dressed in her mid-50s than ever before, and she tells me why. We talk about the ten years it took her to build what she calls a portfolio career after leaving breakfast TV, and the Esther Perel line that changed how she sees her 26-year marriage: most of us have three or four marriages in us, we just choose to have them with the same person.

If you've ever wondered whether you need a formal diagnosis to change how you treat yourself, or you just want someone further down the path telling you you've got great things coming, this one's for you.

In this episode:

Janelle Brunton-Rennie became a widow within a year of her husband Kurt first finding a lump. She had a newborn baby at home, and no warning that losing her spouse to cancer was about to unravel her whole life. New Zealanders who've followed Janelle's story over the years will know pieces of this. In this episode, she courageously takes us back to all of it, and beyond.

The hospital corridor where a doctor asked if her husband had a will. The anger that nobody tells you is part of grief, and the gym sessions that became her only outlet for it. The small rituals, sunrise, espresso, stillness, that carried her through years one and two of grief when nothing else could.

We also talk about what came after. Rebuilding trust in yourself when you've had zero control over the worst thing that's ever happened to you. Making peace with a worst case scenario before you know the outcome. And what it actually takes to let love back in without losing who you became through grief and loss.

This one is gut wrenching in places, and takes some genuinely unexpected turns into faith and spirituality.

In this episode:

Amy Luttrell lost her Dad suddenly at 32, with a newborn at home and a thriving wellness business to run. Eleven months later, her Stepfather died and her Mum nearly did too. She kept functioning. She kept showing up. And then her body said enough.

In this episode, Amy gets completely honest about what it looks like when a high-achieving woman hits actual rock bottom - the shame of feeling broken while being the person others come to for wellness, the marriage hanging on, and the moment when she thought life would be easier if she wasn't around.

She also talks about what brought her back, what she had to let go of, and why slowing down completely is what sped everything up.

Content note: thoughts of life ending are discussed openly in this episode. Please listen with attentiveness to where you are at, and what is helpful to you.

Find Amy at amyluttrell.com or on Instagram @amyluttrell_coaching.

Spiritual abuse is one of the most misunderstood forms of harm there is. And it might be exactly what you've been trying to name.

In this episode, I'm getting into a topic I know many of you have been waiting for. After my episode on "when faith gets messy" became one of my most downloaded ever, I knew we needed to go deeper. So today we're talking about spiritual abuse: what it actually is, what it looks and feels like from the inside, and what healing can look like on the other side.

This is a topic I come at from multiple angles. I'm currently completing my PhD in sociology, researching the experiences of women who have left Gloriavale, a high-control fundamentalist Christian community in New Zealand. I'm also a licensed Private Investigator who works on cases of institutional harm, and a therapist who has seen many clients navigating this kind of trauma.

So when I say I get this issue from a lot of different angles, I mean it.

In this episode we cover:

If you've ever walked away from a religious group feeling like something wasn't right, or if you've spent years wondering whether what happened to you was "bad enough" to matter, this episode is for you.

You don't have to have all the words for it yet. Sometimes just hearing it named is the first step.

Find more support and resources at charlottecummings.nz

Is your relationship feeling a little flat? Like you used to laugh more, go on proper dates, and actually enjoy each other's company, but somewhere along the way life just got in the way?

In this episode of Ask Charlotte, I'm answering a listener question that I hear all the time: how do we have more fun in our relationship?

I cover:

I also share some of what the Gottman Institute's research says about the ratio of positive to negative interactions in happy relationships, because it's a game changer for how you think about the small stuff.

If you've been meaning to prioritise your relationship but keep letting it slip, this episode is your nudge.

Send me your questions anytime at charlottecummings.nz, and if this episode resonated, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs it.

Some days you just hit the wall. The noise, the need, the relentlessness of it. You love your kids and you are completely done.

This episode is for you.

I'm joined by Zazi, a speech and language therapist, child development expert, MMA fighter, and mum who gets it. Zazi has built a community of parents who are done pretending they've got it all together, and she brings the kind of practical, no-guilt wisdom that actually helps.

We go deep on why overwhelm isn't a character flaw. It's a nervous system response. Why your child melting down after school isn't bad behaviour. Why so many women are reaching their 30s and 40s and finally understanding their own brains for the first time. And what you can actually do when you're at the end of yourself and your child still needs you.

We cover:

The 8 senses and why the three you've never heard of are driving your overwhelm and your child's meltdowns

Interoception, proprioception, and the vestibular system explained simply and why they matter more than emotions for nervous system regulation

Postpartum rage, sensory overload, and the mental health struggles that don't look like depression or anxiety

ADHD in women, why it gets missed, what diagnosis can offer, and what you don't need a diagnosis to give yourself

Neurodivergent parenting strategies that work whether or not anyone has a formal label

Why your child isn't being naughty.

Every behaviour is communication, including the meltdown at the checkout

Screen time, sensory regulation, and what to actually replace screens with

The "blame your systems, not yourself" reframe that will stay with you

What to do in the moments when you're completely over it and your child still needs you

This one is for you if:

You find yourself ragey more than sad

You're touched out, noise-sensitive, and visually overwhelmed by the state of your house

You've wondered whether you might be neurodivergent and you're not sure what to do with thatYou're holding it together on the outside and quietly burning on the inside

You just need someone to say: this is hard, you're not failing, and here's something that might actually help

"Every behaviour is communication.""Blame your systems, not yourself.""You've got this, even when you quite clearly haven't."

Find Zazi:🌐 zazi.co.nz📱 @zaziplays on Instagram🎙️ You've Got This podcast

Find me:🌐 charlottecummings.nzIf this felt like it was for you, share it with the Mum who needs it today. And subscribe so you don't miss what's next

Do you feel off but can't explain why? Flat, disengaged, not quite yourself but you don't know where to start?

In this episode of Ask Charlotte, I'm responding to a listener who's feeling flat and disconnected, and walking you through exactly where to begin when something just doesn't feel right.

I break down a practical, no-fluff framework for understanding why you feel off and what to actually do about it.

In this episode I cover:

Whether you're burnt out, emotionally exhausted, going through a life transition, or just can't put your finger on what's wrong, this episode is for you.

Send me your question: charlottecummings.nz

If this episode helped you, I'd love you to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs it.

Do you look capable on the outside but feel held back by self-doubt on the inside? You're not alone, and you're not failing. You might just be living with a confidence gap.

In this episode, I'm digging into one of the most common and costly patterns I see in high-functioning women: being far more capable than you believe yourself to be. Research shows women tend to underrate their competence, wait until they feel 120% ready before going for opportunities, and carry a five-year lag in their professional self-concept. The result? Missed promotions, missed pay, and a life lived smaller than it needs to be.

But confidence isn't a personality trait you either have or you don't. It's a behaviour, and it can be built.

I'm sharing my most practical, honest advice for closing the confidence gap, including:

Whether you're navigating career decisions, relationship pressures, or simply tired of holding yourself back, this episode will help you carry things differently.

In this bonus episode, clinical hypnotherapist Bec Marshall guides a short self-hypnosis exercise to help you reduce stress, ease anxiety, and settle into a calm, resourceful state.

This exercise is a portable practice you can return to anytime you need to come back to yourself.

For the full conversation on hypnotherapy, the subconscious mind, and how we can rewire stress patterns, listen to the full conversation with Bec. Bec would also like to acknowledge her mentor, Tracey, whose work shaped this exercise.

Please listen somewhere safe and still.

What if the heaviness you're carrying isn't a personality trait — it's your nervous system asking for something different?

Clinical hypnotherapist Bec Marshall joins Charlotte to unpack hypnotherapy, the fawn response, functional freeze, and how high-functioning women can start feeling safe in their own bodies again.

If you've been pushing through, performing capable, and quietly wondering why everything feels heavier than it should, this episode of The Feel Better Podcast is for you.

Bec is a clinical hypnotherapist, trainer and nervous system educator with a rare gift for making the science of the subconscious mind feel both fascinating and genuinely useful. Together we explore hypnotherapy, nervous system regulation, and why understanding your stress response is the foundation for feeling better in your body, your motherhood, and your everyday life.

Inside this episode:

If you've been searching for a gentler, more grounded approach to anxiety, burnout, perfectionism, and the quiet weight of high-functioning life — this is the conversation you didn't know you needed.

Find Bec Marshall at behypnotherapy.co.nz, and more support, tools and ways to work with me at charlottecummings.nz.

The Feel Better Podcast helps high-functioning women carry things differently. New episodes weekly.

If you’ve been wondering how to talk to your kids about war… you’re not alone.

With global conflict dominating headlines, many parents are finding themselves having conversations they never expected to have. Conversations about safety, fear, and what’s happening in the world.

In this episode, I walk you through how to talk to children about war in a way that keeps them feeling safe, informed, and emotionally steady.

You’ll learn:

This isn’t about having the “perfect” conversation.

It’s about being the calm, steady place your child comes back to when the world feels uncertain.

If you’re a parent trying to support your child through scary or confusing world events, this episode will give you practical tools, language, and confidence to do that well.

🎧 Listen now and feel more equipped to have one of the hardest parenting conversations of our time.

You want to look after yourself better…
but you hate routine.

So every time you try to “get your life together,” it lasts about five days. Then you’re back to square one, telling yourself you’re the problem.

You’re not.

In this Ask Charlotte episode, I’m breaking down why the way we talk about consistency is actually setting a lot of people up to fail and what to do instead.

We cover:

If you’ve ever thought
“I’m just not disciplined enough”
this episode will rewire that completely.

You don’t need to become a routine person.
You need a way of showing up that actually works for you.

Subscribe so you don’t miss what’s next.

You don’t have a relationship problem.
You have a pattern problem.

And until you see it, nothing changes.

In this Ask Charlotte episode, we’re unpacking the uncomfortable truth most couples avoid:
it’s not just them… and it’s not just you either.

It’s the dynamic you’re both creating.

If you’ve been:

This episode will shift how you see everything.

We cover:

Because here’s the truth:
You don’t fix a relationship by diagnosing your partner.
You fix it by understanding what you’re co-creating together.

This is about clarity, not self-blame.
Ownership, not over-functioning.
And finally getting out of the loop you’ve been stuck in.

If you’ve ever thought:
“I know I’m part of this… but I don’t know how to change it”
this episode is for you.

🎧 Listen now and start breaking the pattern.

And if your relationship needs a reset but therapy feels like too much, my Give Me 10 Minutes programme walks you through exactly what to do, week by week.

You’re playing small.And if you’re honest… you already know it.

In this episode of The Feel Better Podcast, I sit down with Georgia from George Design to talk about what it really takes to stop holding yourself back and start backing yourself.

Georgia is the founder of George Design, working with businesses to clarify their brand, grow their visibility, and make smarter, braver decisions. You can find her at georgedesign.co.nz.

This is a conversation for the woman who:

We get into:

And the shift that changes everything:

👉 stop asking what if it fails?👉 start asking what if it works?

Because staying where you are? That’s a decision too.

If you’ve been hesitating, overthinking, or quietly playing smaller than you know you could… this episode will call you forward.

You’re the one who gets it done. The capable one. The reliable one. The strong one.

But what if that version of youis quietly costing you more than you realise?

In this episode, we’re unpacking hyper-independencethe pattern that looks like strength… but is often driven by fear, control, and past experiences.

If you:

this episode will hit close to home.

We explore:

Because the goal isn’t to become dependent. It’s to become someone who can be capable and supported.

You don’t have to hold everything on your own.

If this resonates, share it with someone who needs to hear itand hit follow so you don’t miss future episodes.

You can love your kids deeply… and still feel like you’ve lost yourself.

HannaH Findlay is a Mum who has inspired many others with the beauty she has found in pulling herself through some of the toughest parts of becoming a parent. We talk about what happens to your identity in motherhood.

The version where your body changes.
Your mental health takes a hit.
Your interests disappear.
And one day you realise… you don’t actually know what you like anymore.

We talk about:

This isn’t about reinventing your life overnight.

It’s about starting small.
Planting something (literally, for her!)
Trying something.
Letting it be messy and unfinished.

Because no one is coming to save you.
But you can build your way back to yourself.

If you’ve ever thought,
“I don’t know who I am anymore”
this episode will meet you there.

And gently show you a way forward.

HannaH and her husband Brent have a fantastic business called Mortgage Mates - mortgage advisors who feel like friends. If you need some great people on your side, check them out at mortgagemates.co.nz

You want more connection. They don’t.

And now you’re stuck in that quiet, painful in-between…
where you’re in a relationship, but still feeling alone.

In this Ask Charlotte episode, I’m unpacking one of the most common (and confronting) dynamics I see in counselling:
when one partner wants emotional connection, depth, and intimacy… and the other just doesn’t meet them there.

We’re talking about:

why this happens (and what’s actually underneath it)

the difference between a skill gap vs a willingness gap

how to communicate your need for connection without pushing them further away

what might be blocking your partner from showing up emotionally

how love languages can both help and confuse things

and the hard truth… when this becomes a dealbreaker

Because here’s the thing most people won’t say out loud:
you don’t have to stay in a relationship that consistently feels disconnected.

But before you make big decisions, there are things you can try.

This episode will help you get clearer on what’s really going on in your relationship,
what’s possible to change,
and what you actually need moving forward.

If you’ve ever thought:
“Why do I feel so alone when I’m not single?”
this one is for you.

🎧 And if you’re looking for a practical next step, my course Give Me 10 Minutes is designed for exactly this.
Short, guided audio sessions to help you both rebuild connection without having to fit in traditional therapy.

Many of us believe that being tough on ourselves is the way to change.

We think that if we criticise ourselves enough, push harder, or feel bad enough about our behaviour, we’ll finally become the person we want to be.

But in my experience as a counsellor, the opposite is true.

In this episode of the Feel Better Podcast, I’m talking about self-criticism and why it actually makes lasting change harder, not easier. I explain what happens in your brain when you shame or blame yourself and why that activates your threat response rather than the parts of your brain responsible for reflection, emotional regulation and problem solving.

Over the years I’ve worked with many people who try to beat themselves into change. They set goals, fall off track, and then pile on the self-criticism. But this pattern rarely leads to the kind of sustainable change people are hoping for.

Instead, I talk about a different approach. One that is grounded in self-acceptance, values and kinder self-talk, which research shows is far more effective for long-term behaviour change.

In this episode I’ll share:

• Why self-criticism activates your brain’s threat system
• Why shame and blame undermine lasting change
• The neuroscience behind self-compassion and motivation
• Three practical tools to interrupt self-critical thinking
• How to move toward change through your values
• How to tell yourself the kind but accurate story

If you’re stuck in the cycle of setting goals, falling off track and beating yourself up, this episode will help you understand why that happens and what to do differently.

Because real change doesn’t come from attacking yourself.
It comes from learning to work with yourself instead.

If you’d like support making meaningful changes in your life, you can find out more about Change Therapy, my new coaching-based approach to working with clients, at:

www.charlottecummings.nz

You can also connect with me on Instagram:
@charlottethecounsellor

I'm kind of sick of the doom and gloom chat's about perimenopause, so I decided I'd find someone I could ask this question of: "What is good about perimenopause?" Enter Amelia Stafford - an amazing women's health expert who knows her stuff when it comes to hormones and nutrition and the realities of making our health a priority in our busy lives. This is such a refreshing chat! We talk about: - What she eats (the question I just so often wish people cut to with health gurus!) - What she's enjoying about her 40s - Perimenopause - Vaginal health - Periods - Kids - Busy life Amelia is an absolute treat - I hope you love this episode. It's the right mix of realistic and inspiring!

If you struggle with overthinking, this episode is for you.

Maybe your brain replays conversations on a loop.
Maybe you catastrophise about the future.
Maybe decision-making feels exhausting because you’ve already run 47 scenarios in your head.

Overthinking is incredibly common. Research suggests up to 80% of our thoughts are negative and 95% are repetitive. That means most of us are swimming in the same mental loops on repeat.

In this episode, I break down:

• What overthinking actually is (and how it’s different from healthy reflection)
• The two main types: rumination and worry
• Why overthinking feels productive but actually reduces control
• The cognitive distortions driving it, including catastrophising, mind-reading, black and white thinking, and perfectionism
• Why overthinking is often about avoiding an “unbearable” feeling
• The nervous system patterns behind it

And most importantly, I give you practical strategies you can use immediately:

• The powerful question: “What now?”
• How to give your brain a container
• Why getting back into your body is essential
• How to use cognitive defusion from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
• Making good enough decisions instead of perfect ones
• Treating life like an experiment
• Building tolerance for uncertainty
• Replacing self-criticism with compassionate self-talk

If you’re tired of living in your head, if your thoughts feel loud and relentless, or if overthinking is impacting your sleep, relationships, or confidence, this episode will give you tools to interrupt the cycle.

You are bigger than your thoughts.
They don’t get to run the show.

For more resources, visit charlottecummings.nz
Come and connect with me on Instagram @charlottethecounsellor

If this episode helped you, please follow the podcast and share it with someone who needs it.

If you’re someone who keeps saying
“I’m just bad at boundaries” or
“I’m the kind of person who overworks”

this episode is for you.

In this Ask Charlotte episode, I’m answering a listener question about how to maintain work boundaries differently, especially when you’re high-functioning, committed, and genuinely care about doing a good job.

We unpack why willpower isn’t the answer, and why the stories you tell yourself about who you are might actually be keeping you stuck.

In this episode, I cover:
• Why fixed identity stories like “I’m just bad at boundaries” block change
• How to pre-decide work limits so you’re not relying on motivation at the end of a long day
• Practical ways to contain work overflow without letting it take over your life
• How to prepare pushbacks so boundaries don’t feel awkward or personal
• When overwork is actually a resourcing problem, not a you problem
• Why holding boundaries often feels uncomfortable and why that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong
• The confronting question of whether your personal life is inviting enough to pull you away from work
• How workaholism can be a trauma response and what to do if this pattern keeps repeating

If you’re burnt out, exhausted, or quietly worried that your work life is crowding out everything else, this episode will help you think differently and start doing things differently.

This is about building boundaries that are sustainable, realistic, and protective of the life you actually want to live.

Listen now on the Feel Better Podcast.

Hard conversations don’t ruin relationships.
Avoiding them does.

If you keep putting things off because you don’t want to rock the boat, this episode is for you.

In How to Have Hard Conversations Faster (Without Damaging Your Relationship), I unpack why even capable, high-functioning people struggle to raise difficult topics at home and how to do it in a way that actually builds connection.

Inside the episode:
• Why your brain treats hard conversations like a threat
• How avoidance quietly turns into resentment
• What to stop doing when you finally speak up
• How to raise one issue at a time without blowing things up
• The skills that make hard conversations safer, faster, and more productive

Being able to have difficult conversations is not a sign your relationship is failing.
It’s a sign it’s healthy.

🎧 Listen to Feel Better Ep 114 now.
And if this is something you want to work on together, share the episode with your partner and listen at the same time.

Self-care is one of your goals this year.
But when life gets busy, it’s the first thing you drop.

In this episode, I answer a listener question about how to plan self-care in a way that actually holds up in a full, demanding year.

If you already know this year is going to be busy with work pressure, family demands, deadlines or big goals, this episode will help you build self-care that supports you rather than disappearing when you need it most.

In this episode, I talk about:
• How to plan self-care for a busy schedule
• Why increased pressure requires increased self-care
• How to map high-pressure seasons across the year
• What to add when stress rises and what to take off your plate
• Why consistent, “boring” self-care works better than dramatic efforts
• How routines, rituals and pre-booking protect your wellbeing
• How accountability makes self-care more sustainable

This episode is about practical self-care for real life. The kind that supports emotional regulation, clearer thinking and burnout prevention when life is full.

If you don’t want self-care to be the thing you sacrifice in a busy year, this episode will help you create a plan that actually lasts.

🎙️ Ask Charlotte is part of the Feel Better Podcast, where I share practical tools for emotional wellbeing, resilience and living well under pressure.

High-performing people don’t need more motivation. They need safety.

In this episode, I’m joined by coach Cara Calvin to talk identity shifts, nervous system patterns, and why so many capable people freeze in the gap between where they are and where they want to be.

We cover:

Why rest can feel unsafe (and what to do about it)

Micro-actions that build momentum when you feel stuck

Lack mindset and the “I want to… but I can’t” trap

Leadership, burnout, and the cost of living in hustle mode

Systems that reduce chaos (shared calendars, weekly planning, morning routines)

How personal growth can pressure relationships, and how to bring your partner with you

If you’re a high-functioning person who looks fine on the outside but feels wired, tired, or numb on the inside, this episode will land.

Subscribe for more conversations on relationships, mental health, and living well.

School goes back soon across New Zealand.
And for many parents, that brings a mix of relief and worry.

Will this year be easier socially?
Will old struggles show up again?
Will my child cope when I’m not there?

In this Ask Charlotte episode, I respond to a parent asking how to set their child up for a resilient start to the school year and unpack what resilience actually looks like for children.

Not toughening up.
Not pushing through.
Not coping quietly.

Real resilience is built when children:

Can name what they are feeling

Know what behaviour is and is not okay

Feel safe to talk about their day

Learn how to ask for help early

Understand which problems are adult problems, not theirs to solve alone

In this episode, I cover:

How to support your child’s mental health as school starts back

Why emotional literacy matters

How bullying can come from friends and why that matters

How to help your child talk without forcing conversations

Teaching help-seeking as a life skill

Small parenting shifts that make a big difference across the year

If your child struggled last year, feels anxious about going back to school, or you want to set this year up differently, this episode offers clear, practical ways to support them.

This is not about perfect parenting.

It is about helping your child feel safe, supported, and not alone when school life gets hard.

So many couples tell me there’s nothing wrong in their relationship… but it feels flat, distant, or like they’re just co-managing life. The love is there — but the deep conversations aren’t. And, many people have just never been taught how to share on that deeper level - so it feels uncomfortable, awkward and even impossible. In this episode of the Feel Better Podcast, I’m talking about how to share more deeply with your partner so you can move beyond “yeah, my day was fine/busy” and back into real intimacy and connection.We’ll talk about:- Why good relationships still drift into shallow, surface-level check-ins- How to set up your time and body language so deeper sharing actually feels possible- My “make like a therapist” approach to asking better questions (without feeling like a weirdo)- Exactly what to ask instead of “How was your day?”- How to have a regular “let me in” chat about the bigger picture of life, goals and stress- Why timing matters (spoiler: 5.40pm over the chopping board is not it)- The difference between listening to fix and listening to understand- A simple gratitude practice that helps you feel more like a teamIf you’ve been feeling like housemates, co-parents, or logistics managers, this episode will give you really practical ways to rebuild emotional closeness — in small, doable moments.And, if you want to take a further step to build better connection in your relationship, I'm ready for ya! Come and join me for Give Me 10 Minutes — a weekly 10-minute audio + discussion guide designed to help you reset communication, understand each other’s triggers, and feel more like you’re on the same team again.✨ Listen in if:You miss the deeper chats you used to have, you’re tired of superficial “we’re fine” conversations, or you want your relationship to feel closer, warmer and more understood again.

As parents, we’re only ever as settled as our least settled child – and kids’ mental health can feel like a minefield to navigate. In this Ask Charlotte episode of the Feel Better Podcast, I answer three listener questions about children’s wellbeing: separation anxiety, supporting kids through the illness or death of a loved one, and how to help kids actually relax (without everything turning into screen time).

You’ll hear gentle, practical strategies for:

Separation anxiety – how to be a “detective” about what your child is really scared of, using play, stories and concrete goodbye rituals to help them feel safe at kindy or school.

Illness, ICU and grief – age-appropriate ways to explain serious illness and death, what to say, and creative ideas to include kids when someone they love is very unwell or has died.

Helping kids relax – creating realistic screen limits, setting up cosy “down-time” spaces, using meditations and audio stories, and modelling rest yourself so kids see what healthy relaxation looks like.

If you’ve ever Googled “how to support my child’s mental health”, “child separation anxiety at school”, “how to talk to kids about death and illness”, or “how to get my kids to relax without screens”, this episode is for you.

🔗 Mentioned in this episode:
My e-book What To Do When Your Child Is Experiencing Anxiety,contains the very best of my advice around children and anxiety, and it'savailable at charlottecummings.nz

✨ Connect with Charlotte
Website & resources: charlottecummings.nz
Instagram: @charlottecummings.nz
Email your question: hello@charlottecummings.nz

Ask Charlotte is part of the Feel Better Podcast, created to make everyday mental health support more accessible for real families.

In this episode of the Feel Better Podcast, I’m talking about one of the trickiest parts of modern life: how to decide what to let go of when your plate is just too full. If you’re overwhelmed, overcommitted, or stuck in that endless “should I give this up?” loop, this episode will really help.

I’m sharing the exact questions and frameworks I use with my clients – and the ones I’ve had to painfully learn myself. (Let’s be honest: this is one of the live issues in my own life too.)

In this episode, I walk you through:

How to figure out whether you actually need to give something up

How to decide what to even put on the table when everything feels important

A gentle, practical discernment process if there’s a specific role, commitment or project you’re thinking about letting go of

I also talk about:

Whether the people you love are paying the price for your schedule

What your health, wellbeing and relationships are revealing about your load

How our unbearable feelings (fear of failure, disappointing others, being seen as less capable) keep us stuck

Seasons of life, evolving identity, and aligning your commitments with your longer-term goals

What you might gain emotionally—peace, capacity, time—by stepping away from something

You’ll come away with a whole list of reflection questions to help you make clearer, kinder decisions about your time and energy.

✨ Resource: I’ve created detailed show notes and journalling questions for this episode, which you can download at charlottecummings.nz.

Affairs don’t always start with attraction — they often begin with emotional closeness that slowly crosses a boundary. In this Ask Charlotte episode, I'm answering listener questions about how to protect your relationship from emotional affairs, why betrayal can still hurt even when there hasn’t been physical intimacy, and what healthy friendship boundaries look like in marriage.

You’ll hear:💬 The early signs of emotional over-connection💬 Why emotional betrayal cuts so deeply💬 How to rebuild trust and keep closeness safe💬 What to consider when friendships with the opposite sex start to feel complicated

This episode will help you reflect on where you're at and how you can minimise the chances of betrayal impacting your relationship.

If you struggle to slow down, switch off, or stop feeling guilty when you rest — this episode is for you. So many of us are caught up in productivity culture, running on empty and living in a constant state of burnout and overwhelm. I want to help you change that.

In this conversation, I’m breaking down why true rest can feel so hard — from the way our nervous system reacts to stillness, to the hidden “unbearable feelings” that keep us stuck in go-mode — and how we can start to heal our relationship with rest.

I’ll walk you through:

Why rest is a vital part of mental health, self-care, and work-life balance — not a luxury.

How to reframe your self-talk (“I’m learning to rest” instead of “I’m bad at resting”) so change actually sticks.

Practical rest strategies you can use right now — including micro-rests, building restful spaces, setting rest goals, and scheduling downtime into busy days.

How modelling rest for your kids teaches them healthier coping skills — and how rest can boost creativity, problem-solving, and emotional resilience.

I also share some honest personal stories (including the one my husband and many podcast listeners still tease me about!) to show you that rest doesn’t have to look perfect — it just has to work for you.

If you’re tired of rushing, overworking, or always needing to “earn” your downtime, this episode will help you embrace rest as a daily practice — and build a calmer, more sustainable life that truly supports your wellbeing.

🎧 Press play, take a deep breath, and let’s start rewriting your story with rest — one pause at a time.

In this Ask Charlotte episode, I’m answering three listener questions that so many people wrestle with when it comes to faith, spirituality and church — and each one opens up an honest, compassionate conversation about what it means to believe (or not) in a changing world.

I recognise this episode won't be for everyone, but for the people whose story it fits, I hope it's helpful.

🌱 Question 1: “What do I do if I feel like I’m losing my faith — but I don’t want to?”
We unpack why faith shifts and deconstruction are a normal part of spiritual growth, how to navigate the grief that often comes with change, and how to nurture your spirituality when old beliefs no longer fit.

👶 Question 2: “How can I share faith with my kids when I don’t trust church — and my partner doesn’t believe?”
We explore practical, non-dogmatic ways to talk about God, Jesus and values, how to give children freedom of choice, and how to build a sense of meaning and ethics outside of traditional religion.

🏡 Question 3: “How do I know if a church is safe?”
From leadership power dynamics to financial transparency and red flags for spiritual abuse, I share key signs to look for — plus how to protect your autonomy and belong to a faith community without losing yourself.

Whether you’re questioning long-held beliefs, healing from church trauma, raising children in a mixed-belief household, or searching for a safer, more authentic spiritual home, this episode will meet you where you are — with honesty, nuance and hope.

🎧 Tune in for grounded guidance, real-life strategies, and a reminder that it’s OK for your faith story to evolve.

We’re told to “just forgive” — by our families, by religion, by self-help books — but almost nobody tells us how.

In this episode, I share a different way to think about forgiveness: not as a moment of sainthood or a spiritual badge of honour, but as a deeply human, mental and emotional process.

We’ll talk about why forgiveness is always optional, how to name and understand the barriers that keep you stuck, and how to plan practical steps that move you towards freedom — if that’s what you choose.

You’ll also hear how you can move forward while recognising that forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting, excusing, reconciling, or pretending it didn’t happen — and how approaching it as a process for your own healing can help you reclaim power, choice, and lightness in your life.

So many couples find themselves in a sexless relationship — often without ever talking about it. It's estimated that this is reality for as many as 20-30% of couples. And, mismatched libido is the top physical intimacy issue that couples report.

I've had lots of listener questions on this topic, so in today's episode I'm answering your questions.

- Does a sexless relationship mean our relationship is doomed?

- Am I right to feel like leaving my relationship over this?

- Is there something wrong with us?

- Can things ever change?

I talk about why mismatched desire is so common, what really sits underneath it, and how you can start to rebuild connection and closeness without shame, pressure, or blame. Spoiler: this is never a one person issue!

Comparison is something we all do — often without even realising it. Whether it’s about looks, parenting, achievements, or lifestyle, we constantly measure ourselves against others. But comparison doesn’t just steal our joy; it can fuel shame, perfectionism, and even take us off track from living in alignment with our own values.

In this episode, I unpack:

Why comparison is such a natural human instinct (hello, social comparison theory and evolutionary survival).

The link between comparison and our unbearable feelings — those emotions we most want to avoid.

How meaning-making turns innocent observations into painful self-criticism.

Practical ways to rewire your brain so comparison becomes a tool for growth, kindness, and clarity.

Real-life stories of learning from others rather than spiralling into “not enough.”

The hidden costs of comparison — to your identity, relationships, mental health, and spiritual life.

Why imperfection and authenticity are actually your biggest strengths.

If you’ve ever resonated with the phrase “comparison is the thief of joy” but wondered how to actually stop do it differently, this conversation is for you.

🎧 Listen in, and discover how to turn comparison around for good — into an opportunity to learn, clarify your values, and treat yourself with gentleness.

💬 Want to go deeper? After this episode, check out:

Overcoming Perfectionism (one of the most downloaded episodes)

The Self-Esteem Episode

Unbearable Feelings

Let’s make comparison kinder — and find more joy in being who you really are.

Follow me on Instagram ⁠@charlottethecounsellor⁠ or visit ⁠charlottecummings.nz⁠ for free resources.

In this Ask Charlotte episode of the Feel Better Podcast, we’re diving into some questions I've been asked by listeners about parenting neurodivergent kids. ✨ I explore:1) What to do when you’ve tried everything and are still facing epic meltdowns. 2) How to support siblings who live in the shadow of their neurodivergent brother or sister. 3) Ways to protect your own mental health while parenting through the challenges. If you’re in the trenches with exhaustion, meltdowns, and overwhelm—or if you’re looking for ways to keep the whole family thriving—this episode is for you. Parenting neurodivergent kids is tough, but you’re not alone, and there are practical strategies, mindsets, and supports that can help lighten the load.💬 Want to submit a question for a future Ask Charlotte episode?You can:Drop it in the weekly Instagram Stories question box (@charlottethecounsellor)Use the anonymous link in my bio or the show notesOr visit charlottecummings.nzThanks for trusting me with your questions—I hope this conversation helps you feel seen, supported, and a little more resourced for the road ahead.

Family estrangement is far more common than most people realise — and it’s one of the toughest things to navigate. In this episode, I talk about:Why estrangement is so complex and full of grief. The hard truth: nobody has a “right” to us, and we don’t automatically have a right to them.Boundaries vs. flexibility — why estrangement is always a grey area. How to handle triggers around birthdays, Christmas and anniversaries.Getting your partner on board and preparing for tricky conversations with extended family.The role of “unbearable feelings” in family breakdowns, and how reflecting on these can open a path forward.If your family has been touched by estrangement, I hope this episode brings you some understanding, solidarity, and tools to navigate the grief and the possibility of change.Find more support and resources on Instagram @charlottethecounsellor or at charlottecummings.nz.

In this episode of Ask Charlotte, I'm diving into your questions about mental health.

I answer:

1) What is PMDD?

2) How do I parent while struggling with my mental health? Including how to talk to kids about what's happening.

3) How do I support my partner while they're struggling with their mental health?

These are such important conversations, and I hope you’ll find something here that gives you comfort, clarity, or just the sense that you’re not alone in what you’re going through.

If you’d like to send in a question for a future episode, you’ll find the anonymous link in my Instagram bio or over at charlottecummings.nz.

Parenting neurodivergent kids can be both incredibly challenging and deeply meaningful. In this episode of the Feel Better Podcast, I share openly from my own experience of raising children in a neurodiverse household.

I talk about:

Why the way you see neurodivergence matters — shifting from deficit to recognising gifts.

The grief parents carry when life doesn’t look as expected, and how to process it.

Practical lessons I’ve learnt: making peace with meltdowns, understanding behaviour as communication, advocating without guilt, and letting go of comparisons.

Why self-care in micro-moments is essential, and how to nurture your relationship even when it feels impossible.

This is a real, compassionate look at the hard stuff — but also the beauty, depth, and unexpected gifts that parenting neurodivergent children can bring.

If you’re in the trenches right now, I want you to know you’re not alone.

👉 Follow me on Instagram @charlottethecounsellor
👉 Free resources: charlottecummings.nz

AND... If your relationship is struggling under the pressure of parenting neurodivergent kids, don't forget to check out my programme - Give Me 10 Minutes. Six weeks of therapy input for busy couples who can't make it to therapy!

In this episode of Ask Charlotte, part of the Feel Better Podcast, I continue the theme of building a healthier relationship with yourself by answering three powerful listener questions:

How do I make peace with my weaknesses, faults, and failures?
I share ways to bring compassion to your past, capture the lessons you’ve learned, and balance your strengths and weaknesses so you can move forward with greater peace.

How do I feel good enough?
I talk about why self-worth isn’t fixed and how liking yourself is something you can actively build. I draw on narrative therapy, reflect on my own journey, and introduce my “make your own cake” analogy.

How do I put myself first?
I explore how to reconnect with your own desires and goals, strengthen negotiation skills, work through emotional barriers, and build routines that support you. I also challenge the idea that self-care is only about being better for others—it matters because you matter.

This episode is packed with practical strategies, personal reflections, and compassionate reminders. My hope is that it encourages you to treat yourself with more kindness, and to believe that you are TOTALLY worthy of care and attention.

Want more connection in your relationship? Do these things.

Feeling distant from your partner? You’re not alone. Disconnection is one of the most common challenges couples face—but the good news is, there are simple, practical ways to restore closeness.

In this episode of the Feel Better Podcast, I share research-backed strategies and everyday habits that can bring you and your partner closer. From understanding “bids” for connection, to creating meaningful daily rituals, ways to share deeper feelings, to putting away your phone and finding small, enjoyable moments together—this is your roadmap to feeling more connected in your relationship.

You’ll learn:

The Gottman Institute’s concept of bids and why they’re game-changing.

Why little rituals like greetings, hugs, and check-ins matter more than you think.

How to create rhythms of connection that work in real life (not just in theory).

Ways to share feelings (not just facts) to deepen intimacy.

How to smooth out conflict so it doesn’t erode your closeness.

If you’re ready to feel more like a team again, this episode will give you practical reminders and encouragement to reset and reconnect.

✨ Want to go further? Check out my couples’ program Give Me 10 Minutes—a simple, six-week reset for your relationship. Find it at charlottecummings.nz.

🌿 How do I speak to myself in a kinder way?
💭 How do I begin to heal from purity culture?
⏳ And what do I do with my precious time away from kids and my spouse?

These are the three big (and very real) questions I’m answering in today’s Ask Charlotte episode of the Feel Better podcast — all sent in through my recent question box on your relationship with yourself 💛

Together we’ll explore:
✨ How to break the habit of negative self‑talk and replace it with real, grounded reassurance
✨ What recovery from purity culture can look like, including reclaiming your relationship with your body and your beliefs
✨ Practical ideas for using your alone time without guilt — and how to rediscover what actually feels good for you

This episode is all about strengthening your relationship with yourself so that you can show up in life with more clarity, self‑compassion, and energy.

🎧 Tune in now on the Feel Better podcast — let’s talk about what it really takes to feel better in your everyday life.

💔 Working on your relationship can feel exhausting — like nothing’s working and everything is harder than it should be. But there is a way through.

In today’s Feel Better podcast episode, I’m giving you a pep talk filled with practical ways to stay hopeful while your relationship is in the thick of change. You’ll learn how to:
💛 Spot the strengths you and your partner each bring to the table
💛 Build a support system around you
💛 Break down change into small, doable steps
💛 Map out what really needs work (instead of staying stuck in vague “we need better communication” loops)
💛 Keep hope alive by drawing on stories of others who’ve made big changes

This episode is all about helping you hold on to hope, find reassurance, and keep steady while you do the work of building a stronger future together.

🎧 Tune in now on the Feel Better podcast — your reminder that change is possible and relationships can be worth the work.

Welcome to Ask Charlotte - the fortnightly series within the Feel Better Podcast, where I answer listener questions. In this episode, I answer three brave listener questions about love, betrayal, and staying connected in marriage.

💔 Question One: Can couples recover from betrayal?
❓ Question Two: How do you decide whether to stay or leave?
🥀 Question Three: What if I feel so emotionally detached that intimacy gives me the “ick”?

I share practical advice, hopeful stories, and compassionate insights — from rebuilding trust after infidelity, to setting clear markers of change, to rediscovering emotional needs and intimacy.

Whether you’re navigating betrayal, wondering if you should stay, or feeling stuck in disconnection, this episode offers hope, guidance, and a way forward.

I live in the same real world that you do! Life happens, challenges some along, and stress rises.

In this episode, I step you through how I'm dealing with a current situation in my life - addressing the triggers, looking after myself, and bringing focus to my emotional wellbeing through it all.

I have learnt to take really good care of myself. My lifestyle depends on it. I want to make the most of my life, and all of that relies on my ability to do great self care.

Come and have a nosey at what I do - both the regular things and the things I do to respond to myself as required.

I sincerely hope this episode is inspiring and permission giving for you.

It's time to get ambitious about your self care!

Ep. 92 – How to Build a Life ThatFeelsas Good as It Looks

It’s easy to chase a life that looks successful — the job, the house, the highlight reel. But what if the outside doesn’t match how you feel on the inside?

In this episode, Charlotte explores the success paradox — the gap between outward appearances and our internal wellbeing — and what actually creates lasting happiness. From the science of relationships to the role of authenticity, self-compassion, and everyday moments of joy, this is a must-listen if you’re ready to do a gentle audit of your life.

🎯 Topics covered:

The danger of chasing "candy hit" happiness

Why relationships matter more than we realise

Living in alignment with your values

Building purpose into your daily life

How to stop comparing and start connecting

Why moments > milestones

Reflective questions to help you recalibrate

✨ Plus, get the free downloadable reflection questions mentioned in the episode at charlottecummings.nz

Well, if you've been following along lately you'll know that my family and I have moved towns. My kids have moved schools. We're starting over in a new place where we know hardly anyone! It's exciting, but it's also a bit overwhelming and some days I hate it and wonder what we've done!

It's been a big change. And people make big changes all the time - new jobs, going back to study, moving...

Come along and join me for this episode where I share some tips for how to support yourself through a big change. You might have change afoot in your own life, or just want to listen and tuck these ideas away for the future.

Enjoy!

Many parents express frustration with getting their child talking about their feelings. You ask how their day went. Their response: "fine". You try to ask questions about school, friends, how they feel about things, and it's like pulling teeth.

Well, I'm here to help you up your game when it comes to getting your child talking!

This episode has a bit of a focus around getting them talking about their day, because that's a fundamental step in getting them talking generally about feelings. But, the key goal is getting your child to be good at talking about feelings in general.

Come and see what you can learn and try.

Get ready too for a little personal challenge - because it's hidden in there for you ;)

Holding realistic expectations for ourselves is a very real challenge. Day jobs, side hustles, community commitments, social lives, families, and OURSELVES! It's a lot to juggle.

In this episode I offer some advice on how to hold realistic expectations for yourself. Spoiler: this is something I struggle with and so I have a few work arounds for myself that I've refined over the years, that make a huge difference.

Come and join me and learn how to protect yourself from unrealistic expectations!

Something that often becomes apparent in my work with clients is that their relationship with their feelings is a problem. And behind this problematic relationship with their feelings is this - they don't perceive their feelings as GOOD. Feelings get in the way, they're overwhelming, they're a waste of time, or the person worries they might end up like their mother/father/sibling whose response to their feelings caused damage...

So, this episode is my effort at shifting how you perceive your feelings.

Come and join me to explore what's good about feelings!

Dopamine Addiction is a buzz phrase these days, but it is an important concept to understand when we live in a world filled with notifications, addictive foods, and screens!

In this episode I share about the concept of Dopamine Addiction, why it matters, and what you can do if you find yourself needing a re-set.

Are you in a relationship? Come and join me for this episode where I share seven key issues I see in couples who come to me for counselling. This episode will help you reflect on where you might want to bring some focus in your relationship.

There's also a free download that goes with this episode, which is designed to support you and your partner to accurately identify and agree on 'What's wrong' in your relationship - the starting point of making anything better!

The mental load refers to the cognitive and emotional load of 'holding everything together' in our day to day lives - constantly thinking ahead, managing, planning, balancing needs.

This concept names a reality of our lives. But, then what? If you want to move forward with re-balancing the mental load in your life, particularly if you're in a relationship, or you're a parent, then this episode is for you.

I explore:

- What the mental load actually demands of your brain

- How the mental load might relate to your own 'issues'

- Systems

- How to get motivated to do things differently

Also, there is a free resource you can use to work through re-balancing the mental load. It's available at www.charlottecummings.nz

In some of my work with clients recently, I've recognise that the art and science of apology has been an area where many people are falling over.

You're a human. You're going to make mistakes. Things are going to land for people in a way that creates an impact you never intended at times. You'll offend, hurt, and get people offside. So, how do we best put things right?

In this episode I step you through the five Languages of Apology (Dr Gary Chapman's model - the creator of the Five Love Languages). And, I offer some of my general observations about what makes an apology go well.

This will have particular benefit for partner relationships, though there is also lots of content here that will be applicable to other settings too - with kids, friendships and co-workers.

Enjoy!

It's back to school time in New Zealand, and for many kids that means going back to some really tough social challenges in the school environment, including bullying.

Parents being equipped to respond confidently when their child is experiencing bullying is super important. There are LOTS of things you can do to support your child. Join me for this episode, and come away feeling empowered that you have some tools to help your child.

It's that time of year when the back to school nerves hit for our children. They're real. They deserve response. And there are lots of ideas in this episode to equip you to set your child up for a smoother transition back to school.

It is one of my pet peeves that we just tell children "You've got this" and "It will all be OK" when they are actually really worried. In this episode I talk about how to get to the bottom of what your child is actually afraid will happen, beyond the presenting issues.

There's a whole lot of ideas, so I know there will be some inspiration for everyone :)

The chances are you have a goal to take better care of yourself this year. So, how could you do things differently so you succeed with this goal?

I reckon you need some fresh ideas, a broader concept of what self care is, some better ways to identify what you need, and to get rid of the mental barriers that stand in your way.

I LOVE this topic, and I can't wait to share with you and support you to do great self care!

New Year, New You... Well, what about New Year, Same Awesome Totally Already Enough You?

In this episode I share a pep talk on how to strike the balance when setting your goals for the New Year. Sure, it's an opportunity to enjoy the fresh energy of the calendar turning over, but also it's important that your desire to change comes from a place of LOVING yourself towards change, and using this time to align yourself with the things that actually matter to you (not just the world around you!)...

I also share a little life update, and some podcast plans for 2025. It's great to be back!