The Good Girl Game Changers

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Are you still trying to prove you're worthy? In this interview Sonya Renee Taylor shares why belonging and worthiness are already yours, how to stop climbing other people's ladders of expectations, and the rebelliouness of radical rest.

2:30 — Sonya shares her good girl story

3:55 — Sonya explains the ladder of bodily hierarchy, and why its premise (that love and worthiness have to be earned) is faulty

8:42 — Sonya reflects on why remembering our inherent worth might be “the assignment of humanness”

9:14 — Chelle and Sonya talk about why there’s no such thing as one-way liberation

13:16 — Chelle describes how time in nature helped her believe in oneness, and the mantra she repeats: “I belong with everybody and everything, everywhere”

15:14 — Sonya speaks about root systems, trees, breath and the sun, and what they show us about belonging without performing

18:21 — Chelle shares how she uses her mantra when walking into a group, and the ripple it’s had on her relationships

20:32 — Sonya explains radical permission, opens up about being called to deep rest, and tells the story of a grocery store trip that showed her life doesn’t need us to perform

24:53 — Chelle talks about lying under her oak tree most afternoons as a revolutionary act, and wonders what would happen if more of us did it

27:58 — Chelle shares her journey from astrology sceptic to having her birth chart read by Sonya

30:45 — Sonya describes her own path into astrology: a family of Scorpio women, a spiritual collapse at the start of the pandemic, and finding a language that described her

35:11 — Sonya explains why she sees astrology as a map, and why everything being connected means the planets are part of our story too

38:53 — Sonya offers her final invitation: less striving, “all of life is subtraction”

40:16 — Closing

Are you looking for a group of like-minded women to do this messy, beautiful work with? Come and join us for 30 days free at The Breaking Free Studio: ⁠⁠https://www.thegoodgirlgamechangers.com/the-breaking-free-studio

When did you last let yourself grieve something you loved, or feel like you belonged somewhere without having to earn it? This week we unpack what nature has been teaching us about grief, awe and belonging, and guide you through a writing practice to explore where your own relationship with nature began.

1:42 — Chelle shares a recent experience of being in nature

4:58 — Looking back at the season so far with Claire, Simon, and Jim and Jenny, and Aha #1: what Claire calls our “injured instincts”

8:31 — Evie on losing her childhood connection to nature as good girl expectations took hold, and how nature became her path back to herself

12:00 — Chelle shares why she signed up for a nature-based leadership program and the grief that surfaced once she slowed down

16:39 — Why Western cultures have so few grief rituals, what nature’s life cycles teach us, and “grief is simply the receipt for the love that we’ve shared”

19:52 — Aha #2: what happens when we’re in relationship with nature, and why slowing down felt so risky in peak good girl mode

26:32 — Evie and Chelle discuss what it's like to be known by a place, and why the oak tree doesn’t care how productive you’ve been today

28:27 — Evie guides us through the Co-becoming practice, inspired by Maya Ward

33:03 — Chelle’s shares her experience of the practice

37:36 — Summary of the ah-ha's and tool

40:06 — Post-show chat and a sneak peek at the next episode with Sonya Renee Taylor

Are you looking for a group of like-minded women to do this messy, beautiful work with? Come and join us for 30 days free at The Breaking Free Studio: ⁠https://www.thegoodgirlgamechangers.com/the-breaking-free-studio

When did you last stop listening for what everyone else needs, and listen to the world around you? Evie's grandparents, Jim and Jenny Wright, join her from their veranda in the Queensland bush to talk about what decades of listening and living in the bush have taught them about silence, freedom and belonging.

2:36 — Jenny shares her good girl story

4:04 — Jim shares his strong boy story

5:56 — Jim & Jenny share how they met and where life took them

10:27 — Jim & Jenny share their experience of life on a land share community: what worked, what didn't, and why city people arrived without the skills for community

14:06 — Why so many land share communities fall apart, and the "superordinate goal" that holds the others together

16:56 — Jim & Jenny share what their land looks like today: solar power, a creek, and a family compound taking shape as the next generation builds alongside them

18:15 — Jim & Jenny share what bush life has given them.

22:38 — Being a human being instead of a human doing, and why living in the present gets easier with age

25:32 — Jim & Jenny share why listening to the land matters so much to them.

28:39 — Closing

Are you looking for a group of like-minded women to do this messy, beautiful work with? Come and join us for 30 days free at The Breaking Free Studio: ⁠https://www.thegoodgirlgamechangers.com/the-breaking-free-studio

What grief are you carrying right now? Is it the loss of someone you love, a relationship that's ended, a hope that didn't work out, or the heaviness of what's happening in the world? And where do you go when it all feels like too much? In this episode, Chelle talks with wellbeing researcher and nature connection specialist Simon Coverdale about the difference between being in nature and being in relationship with it.

1:47 — Introducing Simon Coverdale: wellbeing researcher and nature connection specialist with over 20 years experience working alongside First Nations communities

2:13 — Simon shares his strong boy story

3:13 — Why good girl and strong boy conditioning hasn't faded with the generations, and what the manosphere signals about pressure on young people today

5:32 — Simon's relationship with nature growing up

8:59 — What the research shows: how nature connection links to vitality, well-being, and the easing of self-monitoring that lets us just be

11:54 — Awe, perspective, and perfectly imperfect: how witnessing nature's cycles helped Chelle give herself permission to stop chasing perfection.

13:33 — Eco-anxiety, burnout in the environmental sector, and why deepening nature connection builds the very resources we need to keep caring

15:44 — Sitting with grief and love at the same time: "Grief is nature's receipt for the way we love"

18:30 — The difference between time in nature (contact) and being in relationship with it (connection), and why it matters

21:00 — How Chelle moved from walking past the sea to being in it: the "wall of green," learning tree names, and drawing a circle in the sand each morning

28:00 — Connection to country: Simon on five years working with Dja Dja Wurrung people, what country really means, and why Western nature science and Indigenous knowing are "same, same, but different"

32:00 — Chelle visits the land of her Irish ancestors: a nature-based ancestral retreat and a cellular experience she didn't expect

34:14 — Where to start: nearby nature, indoor plants, doing what you already enjoy, and why you don't need to know your bird calls

37:00 — Three Good Things in Nature: the research-backed micro-practice that builds well-being and nature connection at the same time

39:24 — Two hours a week is the tipping point, using your senses as a doorway, and the five pathways to nature connectedness

41:03 — Closing, resources, and Robin Wall Kimmerer's quote on plants as those who take care of us

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Are you fed up with trying to break free of your 'good girl' behaviours? Are you tired of trying to think your way to healing? Are you sick of doing it all on your own?  In this episode, Chelle sits down with rewilding facilitator and Nature's Apprentice founder Claire Dunn to unpack what she calls the "magical trifecta": a deep connection to ourselves, to community and to nature. 

To learn more about Claire's work and her rewilding programs, visit naturesapprentice.com.au.

1:50 — Introducing Claire Dunn: writer, rewilding facilitator, and founder of Nature's Apprentice

2:03 — Claire shares her good girl story

4:03 — How Claire's environmental activism became its own form of perfectionism and led to burnout

6:00 — What drew Claire to rewilding and ancestral lifeways, and the missing piece she finally found living in the bush for a year

13:39 — The real lesson from that year in the bush: moving from doing to beingness, from imposed tasks to genuine desire

15:14 — Chelle shares her own experience in Claire's program

17:21 — Claire on what she sees in participants: the trifecta of connection to self, community, and nature and why women come looking for something therapy couldn't quite reach

22:55 — The concept of "injured instincts," Clarissa Pinkola Estés, and what happens when women reconnect with their wild inner landscape

27:27 — Claire's frameworks: eco-awakening, deep nature connection practices, and initiation — the shape of the path

36:26 — Practical advice for busy lives: curiosity as the fuel, sit spots, nature journaling, and why one wild day a month goes a long way

41:09 — Raising nature-connected kids: Claire on screen limits, unstructured outdoor play, boredom as a portal, and finding mentors outside the family

When was the last time you followed what joyfully called to your heart? We've been paying much closer attention to those tugs lately, and they've shaped where this new season of the podcast is heading. But it helps to go back to where we started.

Are you looking for a group of like-minded women to do this messy, beautiful work with? Come and join us for 30 days free at The Breaking Free Studio: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.thegoodgirlgamechangers.com/the-breaking-free-studio

And a special for our wonderful listeners, you can get 25% off The Nervous System Advantage Toolbox using code GGGC25 at checkout. ⁠⁠Simply click here to discover more.

2:01:What 1,000 Australian women told us about 'good girl' conditioning and what breaking free looks like.

12:41: Evie's after-party: yoga teaching, turning 30, a burn-off on her grandparents' land, and being pulled toward somatic ecotherapy

16:53: Chelle's after-party: returning to forests after decades away, camping for the first time since 14, and finding community she didn't expect

22:24:Why trusting yourself first makes it easier to trust others and what it means to claim belonging rather than wait for it

24:58: The second round of research and introducing the 3 C's: Cherishing Nature, Cultivating Community, Claiming Belonging

32:31: What's coming in Season 5: guests, family members joining, and the path toward becoming uniquely us

33:52:Uniquely Us Tool: "Noticing What Calls to You": a four-step somatic practice for following your somethings

41:07:Post-show update

Are you looking for a group of like-minded women to do this messy, beautiful work with? Come and join us for 30 days free at The Breaking Free Studio: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.thegoodgirlgamechangers.com/the-breaking-free-studio

And a special for our wonderful listeners, you can get 25% off The Nervous System Advantage Toolbox using code GGGC25 at checkout. ⁠⁠Simply click here to discover more.

Who's behind the wheel of your life this morning — you, or whichever part of you got there first? Two years into learning Internal Family Systems with Dr. Tori Olds, this aha episode unpacks three ideas that keep proving themselves true, and the tools that help put them into practice.

2:23 — Chelle recaps the IFS framework from episodes eight and nine: Self energy, managers, firefighters, and exiles — what they are and why they all have good intentions

5:18 — Aha number one: IFS doesn't work when the nervous system is still in the red or blue zone — you have to soothe the body before parts work becomes possible

10:26 — Tool one, find your Self: a guided practice to locate and anchor Self energy through memory, breath, and the 8Cs

14:11 — On building Self energy proactively, not just reaching for it in crisis

15:22 — Aha number two: the difference between genuine Self energy and a self-like part — one shows up with no agenda, the other is quietly trying to manage the outcome

20:31 — Tool two, move towards your parts: a guided practice using three steps — notice the part, get to know it, ask what it needs

27:39 — Aha number three: parts don't disappear, they evolve

29:12 — What it looks like when a part genuinely trusts Self enough to shift

35:23 — Tool three, check in on your parts: a short practice for regular part check-ins

38:00 — Chelle summarises all three ahas and tools

41:04 — Post-episode debrief

Are you looking for a group of like-minded women to do this messy, beautiful work with? Come and join us for 30 days free at The Breaking Free Studio: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.thegoodgirlgamechangers.com/the-breaking-free-studio

And a special for our wonderful listeners, you can get 25% off The Nervous System Advantage Toolbox using code GGGC25 at checkout. ⁠⁠Simply click here to discover more.

You're not broken, and there are no bad parts of you — just a whole inner family that's been working overtime to keep you safe. In part two with Dr. Tori Olds, Chelle goes deeper into the IFS model: what managers and firefighters are actually doing for us, who the exiles are that they're protecting, and what becomes possible when the capital-S Self finally shows up to take over.

2:10 — Chelle shares part two: we've met Self, now we meet the parts — managers, firefighters, and what they're all protecting

4:07 — Chelle asks Tori to briefly re-ground listeners in the IFS framework from episode eight before going deeper

7:43 — Tori on why the word "part" matters

10:15 — The two types of protector parts explained: managers (proactive, preventative, keep things under control) and firefighters (reactive, desperate, break windows to get you out of the burning building)

13:48 — What firefighter parts look like: overspending, drinking, eating disorders, rage — and why they deserve compassion, not shame

15:35 — Chelle introduces the exiles: the wounded younger parts that managers and firefighters have been working so hard to protect us from ever feeling again

17:00 — Tori on what wounds us

19:22 — Chelle shares her own exile work

23:19 — Tori explains memory reconsolidation — how a real felt mismatch between an old knowing and a new experience can reorganise a neural network in seconds

30:52 — What happens to parts after unburdening

35:21 — Tori on doing IFS solo versus with a therapist or coach, and how to read your own system to know when you need more support

40:23 — Chelle summarises this episode

42:01 — Close and resources

43:07 — Post-episode debrief

Are you looking for a group of like-minded women to do this messy, beautiful work with? Come and join us for 30 days free at The Breaking Free Studio: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.thegoodgirlgamechangers.com/the-breaking-free-studio

And a special for our wonderful listeners, you can get 25% off The Nervous System Advantage Toolbox using code GGGC25 at checkout. ⁠Simply click here to discover more.

What if the parts of you that people-please, perform perfectly, and protect everyone aren't the problem — they're just trying to keep you safe? In this episode, Dr. Tori Olds introduces the idea that you have a capital-S Self that was never broken to begin with.

0:02 — Chelle introduces Dr. Tori Olds, co-founder of Deep Eddy Psychotherapy.

3:48 — Tori's good girl moment: sitting her dad down in high school, feet on the floor, open posture, to tell him he'd hurt her feelings — and making her mum watch

6:16 — Tori explains what "Self" actually means in IFS: not ego to be dissolved, but our fully-online, liberated adult self — the one that acts from wisdom rather than rules

7:30 — What parts are, why they form, and why they're never the villain — just early survival strategies that haven't had a chance to update

10:21 — Chelle's aha: learning she wasn't supposed to judge or banish her parts, but love them — and how disorienting that felt at first

12:42 — How Dick Schwartz discovered the Self wasn't a theory he invented — it was what kept showing up when he asked parts to step back, including in people with serious trauma

17:47 — The 8 Cs of Self: curiosity, compassion, courage, clarity, calm, creativity, confidence, and connectedness

18:38 — How IFS parts connect to Sue Marriott's zones: when Self is online, the connection circuit is on; when parts take over, protection kicks in

20:10 — Tori on why our parts aren't wrong — they just learned their rules in a reality that no longer exists, and the brain holds on

31:17 — What unblending actually means: becoming mindful of a part rather than being swept away by it, like stepping back to observe without numbing out

38:49 — Tori on the difference between managing parts and healing them

43:00 — Post-episode debrief

Are you looking for a group of like-minded women to do this messy, beautiful work with? Come and join us for 30 days free at The Breaking Free Studio: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.thegoodgirlgamechangers.com/the-breaking-free-studio

And a special for our wonderful listeners, you can get 25% off The Nervous System Advantage Toolbox using code GGGC25 at checkout. Simply click here to discover more.

Your nervous system isn't broken — it's doing exactly what it learned to do. In this episode, Evie and Chelle unpack two years of living with Sue Marriott's secure relating work, and what shifts when you stop trying to think your way back to calm and start listening to your body first.

2:30 — Context on Sue Marriott's work and why Secure Relating became the book Chelle couldn't put down

4:07 — Aha number one: you can feel securely attached to yourself, not just your parents or your partner

12:30 — Tool one: Stay With Me: a guided reflection on noticing the urge to abandon yourself and asking what it would look like to stay

18:21 — Aha number two: you can't think your way out of your protection circuit

21:17 — Tool two: Take A Slow Gaze: a guided practice that widens peripheral vision to signal safety to the nervous system

26:23 — Aha number three: seeing and soothing isn't always one and done

32:06 — Tool three: The Safety Check Chat: four questions to settle the brain

38:00 — Chelle wraps up all three ahas and tools

40:27 — Post-episode debrief: Evie and Chelle note this was one of the recordings where both their nervous systems were actually in the green zone the whole time

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In this episode Sue shares the practical side of secure relating: how to move back toward connection from the red and blue zones, what rewiring actually requires, and why "safe enough" might be the most honest and liberating goal any of us can reach for.

0:01 — Evie and Chelle welcome listeners back and recap the three zones from episode five: green, red, and blue

3:33 — Evie and Chelle share what the zones have given them personally — more agency, curiosity, and compassion for themselves and others

5:51 — Sue returns and clarifies that the zones model is built on decades of others' research, brought together through her and Anne's clinical experience

8:05 — Chelle asks the practical question: how do we warm up out of the blue zone and back toward connection?

9:46 — Sue explains why people lean blue and what it actually looks like, including why a simple text can be a relational bid that blue-zone people miss entirely

13:20 — Sue introduces the idea of "expressed delight" as a way to warm up the nervous system and signal connection to others

15:22 — How to cool down from the red zone — turning attention back inward, expanding your sense of time, and "skipping to the end" rather than over-explaining

18:49 — Sue introduces "right channel, wrong volume" — recognising when your reaction is bigger than the situation actually calls for

20:01 — Chelle shares her own red zone pattern: the belief that if you have to ask, it doesn't count — and the shift of learning to ask anyway

20:57 — The 3 Rs framework: recognising, reflecting, and rewiring — and why insight alone isn't enough without embodied, repeated experience

24:40 — Sue on what rewiring actually looks like: safe relationships, pets, nature, and learning to let love in rather than just give it out

28:09 — The tie-dye puddle explained — what happens when our nervous system loses its organised strategy altogether, and how to find your way back to the spectrum

31:15 — Sue and Chelle on why the tie-dye puddle carries so much shame — and why it's simply a human biological state, not a moral failing

31:57 — "Safe enough" as the real goal — not perfect security, but enough safety to stay curious and keep going

34:35 — Sue on navigating an insecure world: understanding how fear is used to manipulate us, and how knowing your own nervous system keeps you from being swept along

37:09 — Sue closes with a quietly hopeful message.

39:39 — Post-episode debrief

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What if the reason you keep shrinking yourself, over-explaining, or shutting down emotionally has nothing to do with a character flaw — and everything to do with your nervous system doing exactly what it learned to do? In this episode, Chelle sits down with clinical social worker and author Sue Marriott to unpack the science of secure relating and what it means to finally hold your own in an insecure world.

0:02 — Evie and Chelle introduce Sue Marriott, co-host of Therapist Uncensored and co-author of Secure Relating, and share how this conversation changed the way they understand themselves

4:01 — Sue shares her own "good girl" moment

5:38 — Sue defines secure attachment and why it matters, starting with the idea that for many of us, learning to feel securely attached to ourselves comes before anything else

9:33 — Sue introduces secure relating as a shift away from fixed attachment categories toward something more fluid and hopeful, no matter your history

12:20 — The connection and protection circuits explained — what they are, why neither is shameful, and how "good girl" conditioning can quietly push us toward protection when we don't need to be there

20:11 — Sue on "clean pain" versus "dirty pain" — why expressing your true self can hurt, and why that pain is worth it

22:41 — The zone map introduced: green, red, and blue as a way to understand where your nervous system is at any given moment

24:31 — What the green zone actually feels like — not perfect calm, but being your right size, with your full mind available

27:24 — The red zone: urgency, over-explaining, people-pleasing as a way of losing yourself while trying to hold on to others

36:14 — The blue zone: withdrawal, stoicism, dismissing your own feelings — and why this one is harder to catch

46:05 — Chelle wraps up and teases part two with Sue, coming soon

47:38 — Post-episode debrief

Join The Breaking Free Studio - 30 days free - recorded practices, downloadable tools and much more: https://www.thegoodgirlgamechangers.com/the-breaking-free-studio

What if your inner critic isn't the enemy and the real work isn't silencing it, but learning to be in a healthier relationship with it? In this episode, Evie and Chelle dig into the moments that have stayed with them since their conversations with Dr. Kristin Neff and Dr. Carol Dweck two years on — unpacking what self-compassion and growth mindset actually look like in the messy middle of real life, and sharing practices you can reach for anywhere, any time.

3:30: Aha number one: the self-compassion and self-criticism seesaw, and the surprising "backdraft" effect, where practicing self-compassion can actually make the inner critic louder before it gets quieter

8:10: Chelle shares what research with nearly 1,000 workers confirmed, and what Dr. Neff herself validated.

10:23: Tool one, soothe with touch: Evie introduces the science behind physical self-touch and leads a guided practice.

15:51: Chelle and Evie reflect on why the inner critic sounds the way it does, and how over two years of practice it has become genuinely more constructive

18:12: Aha number two: redefining success through Dr. Carol Dweck's growth mindset research, and how "good girl" conditioning locks us into fixed, pass-or-fail definitions of our worth

24:39: Tool two, the success checklist: five questions to redefine success in real time.

30:31: Aha number three: two years on, Chelle's unexpected insight — self-compassion works best not as a one-way rescue operation, but as a mutual relationship where the inner critic also learns to show appreciation and care

33:50: Tool three, the ho'oponopono prayer: Evie introduces this ancient Hawaiian reconciliation practice and leads a guided exercise.

37:13: Chelle wraps up all three ahas and tools

40:59: Post-episode debrief

Join The Breaking Free Studio - 30 days free - recorded practices, downloadable tools and much more: https://www.thegoodgirlgamechangers.com/the-breaking-free-studio

What if failing didn't mean you were fundamentally flawed but simply that you were human? In this episode, Chelle revisits her favourite conversation with Stanford professor and world-leading mindset researcher Dr. Carol Dweck, and unpacks the insight that finally gave her permission to let go of perfectionism.

0:32:Chelle shares the a-ha moment from her conversation with Carol Dweck that shifted her relationship with failure and perfectionism
4:39: Dr. Carol Dweck shares what her research reveals about mindsets and success
5:41: How fixed vs. growth mindsets affect confidence — and why setbacks hit differently depending on which lens you're using
7:12: Why women are particularly vulnerable to fixed mindset fragility (and what the research says about why)
8:50: Where our mindsets come from: the surprising role of parental praise from as early as age one
10:54: What adults can do to start shifting fixed mindset beliefs — including noticing the voice in your head
14:10:Carol's story: a graduate student who invited senior faculty to critique her teaching — and what happened next
16:02:Carol's Silicon Valley experiment: what happened when a team made "struggle" a daily conversation
16:52 : The mastery curve — white-knuckling your way up, and how understanding the process creates self-compassion
17:49:Navigating growth mindset inside a fixed mindset organisation
20:40: Chelle's "screw up of the week" leadership practice — and why she always had to go first
22:26:Growth mindset and wellbeing: why the brain literally rewires as we learn, and why it sometimes hurts
23:30: Closing reflections and resources: Carol's book Mindset, the Breaking Free Studio, and the GGGC website
25:37: Evie and Chelle debrief: the cringe factor of listening back to your own voice — and finding grace for past-you

Join The Breaking Free Studio - 30 days free - recorded practices, downloadable tools and much more: https://www.thegoodgirlgamechangers.com/the-breaking-free-studio

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to say something warm and encouraging to a friend who's struggling and how quickly that same generosity disappears the moment you turn it on yourself? According to Dr. Kristin Neff, one of the world's leading researchers on self-compassion, there's a very good reason it happens. 

[00:02] Evie and Chelle introduce today's vault favorite — a conversation with Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in self-compassion research.

[02:05] Evie connects Kristin's work to the research finding that 92% of women feel the pressure to be a good girl is now coming from within themselves

[03:25] Kristin unpacks why people raised as girls tend to be warm and caring toward others, yet often struggle to extend that same care to themselves

[06:26] Kristin walks through the three elements of self-criticism — self-judgment, isolation, and over-identification — and how we use them to try to protect ourselves from pain

[11:58] Kristin and Chelle explore why it's important not to beat ourselves up for beating ourselves up — and how the three positive components of self-compassion work like a seesaw to reduce self-criticism

[17:17] Kristin introduces the quintessential self-compassion question — What do I need right now? — and unpacks the two faces of self-compassion: tender acceptance and fierce action

[20:07] Kristin explores why drawing boundaries, feeling anger at injustice, and meeting our own needs are all acts of fierce self-compassion.

[23:26] Kristin shares her favourite three-step self-compassion practice.

[28:18] Kristin introduces the concept of "backdraft" — why opening to self-compassion can sometimes intensify pain, and how to slow the practice down so it feels safe

[30:33] Kristin wraps with a key takeaway — self-compassion is already in our back pocket, we just need to give ourselves permission to do the U-turn.

[32:12] Post-show reflection

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When you remember a recent moment of tryingto be a ‘good girl" — performing perfectly, pleasing everyone, or protecting others at your own cost — who was really expecting you to behave that way?

In our latest research, two years on from our quantitative study of more than 1,000 Australian women, we went back and asked exactly that question. 92% named themselves. What began around age 11 as a set of external instructions — be quiet, be helpful, don't make a fuss— has gradually become our internal framework as grown women.

[03:00] Chelle takes us back to where theresearch began two years ago, and how good girl conditioning — performing perfectly, pleasing everyone, and protecting others — often takes hold by around age 11

[05:00] Chelle walks through the 2024 quantitative research with more than 1000 Australian women that uncovered the three tools to help break free of good girl beliefs — self compassion, secure attachment, and self-leadership

[06:37] Evie introduces the new 2026 qualitative focus group of 15 women that revisited the findings two years on.

[07:00] Evie shares research insight #1 — 92% of the women said the pressure to be a good girl is now coming most strongly from themselves, not from bosses, partners, or the outside world

[10:00] Chelle explores why understanding the systems that groomed us matters more than self-blame when we notice these internalised pressures.

[11:23] Chelle shares research insight #2 — self-compassion, secure attachment, and self-leadership are quietly building self-trust underneath it all

[13:30] Chelle shares her morning beachpractice of three reminders — "I am safe enough, I am loved enough, and I am resourced enough"

[17:00] Chelle reframes success around howwe show up to each moment — advocating for ourselves, asking for help, and choosing not to abandon ourselves

[19:24] Evie and Chelle look ahead to Season 4, and invite listeners to send in questions, tips, and favourite tools for future episodes

[23:32] Post-show reflection

When you micromanage your team, do you explain it away as your "controlling part" without making amends? When you snap at a friend, do you blame it on your "defensive part" and move on? Or do you find ways to both honor these parts of you while taking responsibility for how they affect others?

[02:47] Chelle shares ah-ha #1 about Gabby's four-step check-in process for connecting with parts[10.21] Evie explains the "Notice, Know, Need" to help you get to know your parts better.

[19:50] Chelle shares ah-ha #2 about Gabby's important reminder that we need to take accountability for our parts while honoring them

[29:57] Evie introduces the "Speak, Reflect, Repair" tool to make it easier to take accountability for our parts when we huddle together.

[35:51] Chelle shares ah-ha #3 and Gabby's caution about Self-like parts that can cause a spiritual bypass.

[41:55] Evie provides a simple checklist to perform a Self-Signal Check In to check our Self-Energy is truly present

[45:54] Chelle recaps the key ahas and tools from the podcast

[47:22] Post-show reflection

When was the last time you felt tempted to walk away from someone in your community who thinks differently than you? Maybe they have opposing political views, communicate in ways that frustrate you, or prioritize values that don't align with yours. In a world that feels increasingly polarized, it's tempting to believe that drawing hard lines and protecting our territory is the only way forward.

[2:09] Chelle recaps Episode 13 with Sophia Fifner, President/CEO of Columbus Metropolitan Club who drives bold conversations and strengthens civic communities.

[4:03] Chelle shares ah-ha #1 on Sophia's insight that activism is not always loud.

[7:30] Evie explains 'Uniquely You' tool - Paths to Change - exploring different activism styles from community building to rest advocacy.

[17:29] Chelle shares ah-ha #2 on Sophia's LEAD framework for civic engagement: Learn, Engage, Act, and Develop community.

[21:01] Evie outlines 'Uniquely You' tool - Find Your SPARK - identifying your Strengths, Passion, Approach, Resources, and Knowledge gaps for civic engagement.

[25:24] Chelle shares ah-ha #3 on building bridges rather than burning them, especially with those who have different perspectives.

[29:07] Chelleguides through the 'Uniquely You' tool - Compassion Bench Practice - an exercise to build bridges with those we disagree with.

[43:54] Chelle summarizes the three ah-has and tools.

[44:56] Behind-the-scenes conversation between Chelle and Evie.

Have you ever walked away from a conversation about men and women feeling more stuck than when you started? You made your point. They made theirs. And somehow you both ended up further apart than before.

It’s exhausting — the same arguments, the same defensiveness, the same feeling that for someone to win the other side has to lose. After a while, you start wondering: is there another way to do this? Or are we just destined to keep circling?

[02:44] Chelle shares Aha #1: how early socialisation creates “thin stories” that disconnect women from their voices and men from their capacity to care.

[06:51] Evie introduces Tool #1: Break Free of the Gender Cage with three steps—spot the cage, open the door with curiosity, and walk free by seeing the human, not the stereotype.

[10:36] Chelle shares Aha #2: compassion and accountability aren’t opposites—they’re partners. Without both, we stay stuck in shame, blame, or performance mode.

[13:28] Chelle introduces Tool #2: Own It with three accountability questions—What’s mine to own? Have I made my expectations clear? If boundaries were crossed, have I voiced it?

[21:34] Chelle shares Aha #3: thriving requires partnership. Not “facing off,” but sitting side-by-side, working through the mess together—because complexity demands collaboration.

[28:26] Evie shares Tool #3: Embrace the Mess & the Magic by “looking for the AND.” Notice binary thinking, pause with a hand on your heart, and make space for two truths.

[33:51] Chelle and Evie explore examples of using the AND in real life—slowing down, widening perspective, and softening defensiveness.

[34:32] Chelle summarizes the three ahas and three tools from the season: thick stories, accountability with compassion, and embracing complexity with the AND.

[37:09] Post-show wrap-up with Evie & Chelle.

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Self-compassion research shows us that when we meet our struggles with understanding rather than criticism, we activate our brain’s natural caregiving system - allowing us to maintain high standards while releasing the crushing weight of perfectionism. Using the FREE framework—Feel it, Release it, Experiment with it, Evolve it—this toolkit will help you build self-compassion that is sustainable. Get your toolkit.
📚 DISCOVER THE PERFECTLY IMPERFECT BOOKS

If you’ve ever felt pressured to be good, The Perfectly Imperfect Women’s Journal and The Perfectly Imperfect Companion Workbook will help you break free. With real stories, research-backed insights, and powerful exercises, these books will give you the confidence to trust yourself, set boundaries, and step into your own power. It’s time to rewrite the rules and start living on your terms. Get your copies now.

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Break free from perfectionism, people-pleasing, and self-doubt with the Uniquely You Workshop & Tools Bundle. Through three powerful workshops, you’ll gain the confidence to trust yourself, set boundaries, and lead with authenticity. With lifetime access, you can move at your own pace and start making real change today. Start your journey now.

Have you noticed how quickly gender conversations turn into battles we can’t seem to win? She said this, he did that, who has it worse, who should apologize first. But once we’re locked in—your suffering versus mine, who should apologize first—we’re trapped in a zero-sum game. So how do we free our energy from the gender wars, not by hating the players but by changing the game?

[00:00] Chelle introduces Sarah Wilson — multi–New York Times bestselling author, social philosopher, and host of Wild with Sarah Wilson.

[01:51] Chelle and Sarah discuss why the growing gender divide is emerging so sharply at this point in history.

[06:37] Chelle and Sarah reflect on the fear underlying gender tensions and why energy is being directed toward gender conflict rather than broader global challenges.

[09:40] Chelle and Sarah discuss how neoliberalism removed community guardrails and how this has impacted men’s emotional and social development.

[11:27] Chelle and Sarah explore the idea of changing the “game” rather than blaming the “players,” and why collaboration is essential.

[12:06] Chelle and Sarah unpack the concept of the Moloch scenario and how zero-sum traps show up in climate action, AI development, nuclear arms, and everyday social behaviour.

[17:41] Chelle and Sarah discuss compassion as a messy, nonlinear process and how accountability unfolds within complexity.

[20:23] Chelle and Sarah discuss how everyday conversations — not just public forums — can model gender compassion and cultural change.

[24:48] Chelle and Sarah talk about Sarah’s upcoming 2026 book release and how community discussion has shaped the writing.

[26.00] Chelle & Evie post-show discussion.

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Self-compassion research shows us that when we meet our struggles with understanding rather than criticism, we activate our brain’s natural caregiving system - allowing us to maintain high standards while releasing the crushing weight of perfectionism. Using the FREE framework—Feel it, Release it, Experiment with it, Evolve it—this toolkit will help you build self-compassion that is sustainable. Get your toolkit.
📚 DISCOVER THE PERFECTLY IMPERFECT BOOKS

If you’ve ever felt pressured to be good, The Perfectly Imperfect Women’s Journal and The Perfectly Imperfect Companion Workbook will help you break free. With real stories, research-backed insights, and powerful exercises, these books will give you the confidence to trust yourself, set boundaries, and step into your own power. It’s time to rewrite the rules and start living on your terms. Get your copies now.

💃 BECOMING UNIQUELY YOU

Break free from perfectionism, people-pleasing, and self-doubt with the Uniquely You Workshop & Tools Bundle. Through three powerful workshops, you’ll gain the confidence to trust yourself, set boundaries, and lead with authenticity. With lifetime access, you can move at your own pace and start making real change today. Start your journey now.

Have you noticed how quickly conversations about gender turn into competitions about who has it worse? One side insists men are the real victims—look at the loneliness epidemic, the education gaps, the suicide rates. The other side counters that women are the real victims—look at the violence statistics, the unpaid labor, the centuries of having our voices silenced. Both sides race to claim the prize of victimhood. But what might be possible if we quit playing the blame game?

[00:02] Chelle introduces writer of the Substack publication - Matriachal Blessing - Celeste Davis.

[02:12] Celeste and Chelle discuss how online (and offline) gender debates often devolve into opposing victim narratives and why this competitive framing is ineffective.

[05:52] Celeste explains the Drama Triangle dynamics and how the Victim–Persecutor–Rescuer cycle keeps us stuck in blame rather than solutions.

[08:42] Chelle reflects on how hard it is to escape reactive roles, noting how our brains cling to them for a false sense of safety.

[09:41] Celeste introduces the conflict escalation model, outlining the three stages — rational, emotional, and fight — and how rising tension shifts goals from compromise, to winning, to wanting the other side to lose.

[13:59] Celeste and Chelle discuss how patriarchy (and other power systems) benefit from keeping men and women divided.

[19:12] Celeste and Chelle explore “two truths at once,” using the Richard Reeves example to illustrate how focusing only on male pain OR only on male harm creates incomplete stories.

[23:28] Celeste shares her personal story, from a Mormon upbringing and forgiveness-only tools, through awakening rage, to eventually developing a more balanced view: men are harmed and men harm.

[26:21] Celeste shares how she speaks and supports her sons and daughters. [30:43] Chelle reflects on teaching her own sons to see and “bend” systems, not just comply with them.

[33:17] Chelle and Celeste highlight the difference between fitting in and belonging, and how long-term benefits of authenticity outweigh short-term approval losses.

[35:56] Post-show with Chelle & Evie

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💗 DOWNLOAD THE FREE SELF-COMPASSION TOOLKIT
Self-compassion research shows us that when we meet our struggles with understanding rather than criticism, we activate our brain’s natural caregiving system - allowing us to maintain high standards while releasing the crushing weight of perfectionism. Using the FREE framework—Feel it, Release it, Experiment with it, Evolve it—this toolkit will help you build self-compassion that is sustainable. Get your toolkit.
📚DISCOVER THE PERFECTLY IMPERFECT BOOKS

If you’ve ever felt pressured to be good, The Perfectly Imperfect Women’s Journal and The Perfectly Imperfect Companion Workbook will help you break free. With real stories, research-backed insights, and powerful exercises, these books will give you the confidence to trust yourself, set boundaries, and step into your own power. It’s time to rewrite the rules and start living on your terms.Get your copies now.

💃 BECOMING UNIQUELY YOU

Break free from perfectionism, people-pleasing, and self-doubt with the Uniquely You Workshop & Tools Bundle. Through three powerful workshops, you’ll gain the confidence to trust yourself, set boundaries, and lead with authenticity. With lifetime access, you can move at your own pace and start making real change today.Start your journey now.

Ever noticed how much pressure there is for ‘good girls’ to perform compassion and for ‘strong boys’ to avoid it?

[00:00] Evie & Chelle share the gender expectations they're shaking off.

[02:00] Chelle shares Ah Ha #1: how early socialization creates deeply different relationships with compassion—women often perform it to earn love, while men armor up against it for survival.

[06:20] Evie introduces Tool #1: Reaching for Compassion with four steps: listen to learn, understand to know, connect to capabilities, and then act to solve.

[11:15] Evie shares Aha #2: Accountability isn't about blaming and punishing someone, but partnering together.

[12:42] Chelle introduces Tool #2: Own It with three questions to do our accountability work first: What's mine to own? Have I made my expectations clear? If boundaries were crossed, have I voiced it?

[17:57] Chelle shares Aha #3: We can't just do our own work—healthy accountability requires partnership.

[20:36] Evie shares Tool #3: Share the Load with four steps: get clear on expectations (for me, for you, for us), check motivation levels, decide how to track progress, and adjust as needed when things go off track.

[23:33] Chelle shares a vulnerable story about her son Charlie holding her accountable.

[30:54] Chelle summarizes the three ahas and three tools covered in the episode.

[34:22] Post-show discussion with Evie and Chelle.

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💗 DOWNLOAD THE FREE SELF-COMPASSION TOOLKIT
Self-compassion research shows us that when we meet our struggles with understanding rather than criticism, we activate our brain’s natural caregiving system - allowing us to maintain high standards while releasing the crushing weight of perfectionism. Using the FREE framework—Feel it, Release it, Experiment with it, Evolve it—this toolkit will help you build self-compassion that is sustainable. Get your toolkit.
📚 DISCOVER THE PERFECTLY IMPERFECT BOOKS

If you’ve ever felt pressured to be good, The Perfectly Imperfect Women’s Journal and The Perfectly Imperfect Companion Workbook will help you break free. With real stories, research-backed insights, and powerful exercises, these books will give you the confidence to trust yourself, set boundaries, and step into your own power. It’s time to rewrite the rules and start living on your terms. Get your copies now.

💃 BECOMING UNIQUELY YOU

Break free from perfectionism, people-pleasing, and self-doubt with the Uniquely You Workshop & Tools Bundle. Through three powerful workshops, you’ll gain the confidence to trust yourself, set boundaries, and lead with authenticity. With lifetime access, you can move at your own pace and start making real change today. Start your journey now.

Accountability isn’t about blame. It’s not about compliance. It’s actually about clarity, integrity, and honoring what matters in our relationships with each other. This is how compassion and accountability work together.

[01:28] Chelle welcomes Paige and reflects on their past cliff-top conversation that inspired this episode.

[02:27] Paige and Chelle explore how performance, protection, and disconnection are human dynamics shaped by patriarchal systems, not just gender ones. [05:53] Paige and Chelle explain how compassion and accountability are not opposites but coexisting forces.

[10:09] Paige invites listeners to start with what’s mine to own?—recognizing human bias, clarifying expectations, and voicing boundaries rather than assuming others can read our minds.

[15:20] Paige and Chelle discuss how early conditioning teaches us to betray our own needs and how accountability begins by reclaiming our truth. Paige shares her “6Ws Framework”to help clarify expectations and communicate cleanly.

[24:07] Paige reframes accountability as partnering rather than policing—a dynamic that activates choice, agency, and mutual understanding.

[36:21] Paige and Chelle distinguish between local safety (protecting ourselves in harmful relationships) and global openness (not letting those experiences define our worldview).

[40:36] Paige and Chelle reflect on how cultural norms calcify both women and men—women shrink, men harden.

[42:34] Paige shares her closing remark: accountability is an act of love.

[44:18] Chelle and Evie post-show discussion.

Want more?

Please note: We are mindful that ‘girl’, ‘woman’, ‘boy’ and ‘man’ are socially constructed ideas of gender that can fall painfully short of defining the fabulous complexity of who we each are. If these words resonate with part of how you have previously or currently identified yourself, we’d love to hear about your lived experiences.

💗 DOWNLOAD THE FREE SELF-COMPASSION TOOLKIT
Self-compassion research shows us that when we meet our struggles with understanding rather than criticism, we activate our brain’s natural caregiving system - allowing us to maintain high standards while releasing the crushing weight of perfectionism. Using the FREE framework—Feel it, Release it, Experiment with it, Evolve it—this toolkit will help you build self-compassion that is sustainable. Get your toolkit.
📚 DISCOVER THE PERFECTLY IMPERFECT BOOKS

If you’ve ever felt pressured to be good, The Perfectly Imperfect Women’s Journal and The Perfectly Imperfect Companion Workbook will help you break free. With real stories, research-backed insights, and powerful exercises, these books will give you the confidence to trust yourself, set boundaries, and step into your own power. It’s time to rewrite the rules and start living on your terms. Get your copies now.

💃 BECOMING UNIQUELY YOU

Break free from perfectionism, people-pleasing, and self-doubt with the Uniquely You Workshop & Tools Bundle. Through three powerful workshops, you’ll gain the confidence to trust yourself, set boundaries, and lead with authenticity. With lifetime access, you can move at your own pace and start making real change today. Start your journey now.

Have you noticed how quickly conversations about gender turn into arguments about who has it worse? How we lose the ability to hear each other when we’re busy defending our own pain? This isn’t just emotionally draining—it’s neurologically impossible to connect this way. So how do we reach for compassion with each other?
[01:50] Chelle and Chris define compassion and explore the four steps that help us to practice compassion in ways that are good for others and us.
[05:35] Chelle and Chris explore how curiosity can provide a bridge towards compassion to help us listen to learn and know to understand, before rushing into "good girl" actions.

[12:30] Chris explains why it is easier to extend compassion to some people but not others.
[15:22] Chelle and Chris unpack why compassion is not about letting people "off the hook" because compassion and accountability go hand-in-hand.
[18:38] Chelle and Chris explore why "toxic empathy" has suddenly become a concern in the United States.
[21:22] Chelle and Chris bust the myth of survival of fittest and why this keeps "strong boys" stuck and how compassion could free them.
[29.27] Chelle and Evie reflect post show on their learnings.

Want more?

💗 DOWNLOAD THE FREE SELF-COMPASSION TOOLKIT
Self-compassion research shows us that when we meet our struggles with understanding rather than criticism, we activate our brain’s natural caregiving system - allowing us to maintain high standards while releasing the crushing weight of perfectionism. Using the FREE framework—Feel it, Release it, Experiment with it, Evolve it—this toolkit will help you build self-compassion that is sustainable. Get your toolkit.
📚DISCOVER THE PERFECTLY IMPERFECT BOOKS

If you’ve ever felt pressured to be good, The Perfectly Imperfect Women’s Journal and The Perfectly Imperfect Companion Workbook will help you break free. With real stories, research-backed insights, and powerful exercises, these books will give you the confidence to trust yourself, set boundaries, and step into your own power. It’s time to rewrite the rules and start living on your terms.Get your copies now.

💃 BECOMING UNIQUELY YOU

Break free from perfectionism, people-pleasing, and self-doubt with the Uniquely You Workshop & Tools Bundle. Through three powerful workshops, you’ll gain the confidence to trust yourself, set boundaries, and lead with authenticity. With lifetime access, you can move at your own pace and start making real change today.Start your journey now.

In our last two episodes, we spoke with Dr. Carol Gilligan and Dr. Niobe Way, whose forty years of research show how society’s gender expectations of being “good girls” and “strong boys” are creating a crisis of connection that’s costing all of us. So what do we do when we recognize so many of us are trapped by society’s gender expectations that were never ours to begin with?

[0:02] Evie and Chelle open the episode and share the gender expectations they’re shaking off.

[1:34] Chelle recaps Dr. Carol Gilligan and Dr. Niobe Way’s research on how “good girl” and “strong boy” expectations create a crisis of connection.

[4:06] Chelle explains how boys’ emotional intelligence shifts between ages 4–7, while girls begin losing their voices around age 11.

[7:52] Chelle and Evie reflect on how these patterns fuel loneliness and emotional disconnection.

[10:09] Chelle introduces Tool #1: Stay With Me, a grounding practice to stay connected to your wiser self.

[15:36] Evie shares Tool #2: Spot the Cage, showing how to recognize and step out of “us vs. them” thinking.

[22:30] Chelle introduces Tool #3: The Consequence Continuum, explaining how to balance compassion with accountability.

[31:22] Evie reflects on how curiosity and conversation create connection.

[34:18] Chelle summarizes the three tools — Stay With Me, Spot the Cage, and the Consequence Continuum.

[37:12] Evie and Chelle close the episode, inviting listeners to keep practicing curiosity and compassion.

Want more?

💗 DOWNLOAD THE FREE SELF-COMPASSION TOOLKIT
Self-compassion research shows us that when we meet our struggles with understanding rather than criticism, we activate our brain’s natural caregiving system - allowing us to maintain high standards while releasing the crushing weight of perfectionism. Using the FREE framework—Feel it, Release it, Experiment with it, Evolve it—this toolkit will help you build self-compassion that is sustainable. Get your toolkit.
📚DISCOVER THE PERFECTLY IMPERFECT BOOKS

If you’ve ever felt pressured to be good, The Perfectly Imperfect Women’s Journal and The Perfectly Imperfect Companion Workbook will help you break free. With real stories, research-backed insights, and powerful exercises, these books will give you the confidence to trust yourself, set boundaries, and step into your own power. It’s time to rewrite the rules and start living on your terms.Get your copies now.

💃 BECOMING UNIQUELY YOU

Break free from perfectionism, people-pleasing, and self-doubt with the Uniquely You Workshop & Tools Bundle. Through three powerful workshops, you’ll gain the confidence to trust yourself, set boundaries, and lead with authenticity. With lifetime access, you can move at your own pace and start making real change today.Start your journey now.

Have you noticed how often the boys and men in your life struggle with emotional intimacy? They tend to pull away when feelings run high. They insist they’re fine when clearly they’re not. They seem unable to say what’s really going on.

[0:02] Chelle introduces Season 3, Episode 3 and welcomes Dr. Niobe Way.

[1:47] Niobe shares a 'good girl' expectation she's shaking off.

[2:44] Niobe defines thin vs. thick stories and how context shapes human development.

[8:37] Niobe explains how patriarchy drives the “thin story” for boys and girls.

[15:43] Niobe defines “boy culture” as a caricature that strips boys of their soft sides.

[20:46] Niobe reframes emotional sensitivity as maturity, not immaturity.

[22:01] Niobe outlines four findings from 40 years of research on boys and men.

[30:59] Niobe compares girls’ “I don’t know” with boys’ “I don’t care,” explaining how both reflect cultural disconnection.

[32:37] Niobe explains that nurturing our natural relational capacities can heal the crisis of connection.

[39:40] Niobe shares how parents can practice curiosity and connection at home.

[45:58] Niobe shares her final insights.

[47:20] Post-show behind-the-scenes with Chelle and Evie.

Want more?

💗 DOWNLOAD THE FREE SELF-COMPASSION TOOLKIT
Self-compassion research shows us that when we meet our struggles with understanding rather than criticism, we activate our brain’s natural caregiving system - allowing us to maintain high standards while releasing the crushing weight of perfectionism. Using the FREE framework—Feel it, Release it, Experiment with it, Evolve it—this toolkit will help you build self-compassion that is sustainable. Get your toolkit.
📚DISCOVER THE PERFECTLY IMPERFECT BOOKS

If you’ve ever felt pressured to be good, The Perfectly Imperfect Women’s Journal and The Perfectly Imperfect Companion Workbook will help you break free. With real stories, research-backed insights, and powerful exercises, these books will give you the confidence to trust yourself, set boundaries, and step into your own power. It’s time to rewrite the rules and start living on your terms.Get your copies now.

💃 BECOMING UNIQUELY YOU

Break free from perfectionism, people-pleasing, and self-doubt with the Uniquely You Workshop & Tools Bundle. Through three powerful workshops, you’ll gain the confidence to trust yourself, set boundaries, and lead with authenticity. With lifetime access, you can move at your own pace and start making real change today.Start your journey now.

Have you ever felt stuck between two impossible choices—speak up and worry people will think you’re too much, or stay quiet and lose touch with who you really are? This is what Dr. Carol Gilligan calls a crisis of connection—caught between staying connected to others and staying connected to yourself.

[1:35] Carol shares the ‘good girl’ belief she’s shaking off.

[2:44] Carol explains how her research into ‘good girl’ behavior began.

[6:13] Chelle and Carol discuss how girls lose their voices by age 11.

[10:56] Carol introduces “the tyranny of nice and kind.”

[13:35] Carol explains how girls trade authenticity for approval.

[17:14] Carol explains the link between patriarchy and women’s silence.

[19:19] Chelle reflects on how ‘being good’ was taught as safety.

[20:48] Chelle and Carol explore how patriarchy silences men’s voices and creates a crisis of connection.

[28:34] Carol explains why empathy threatens hierarchies.

[32:52] Carol shares why reclaiming our human voice is an act of resistance — essential for democracy, equality, and true connection.

[34.25] Outro

Want more?

💗 DOWNLOAD THE FREE SELF-COMPASSION TOOLKIT
Self-compassion research shows us that when we meet our struggles with understanding rather than criticism, we activate our brain’s natural caregiving system - allowing us to maintain high standards while releasing the crushing weight of perfectionism. Using the FREE framework—Feel it, Release it, Experiment with it, Evolve it—this toolkit will help you build self-compassion that is sustainable. Get your toolkit.
📚 DISCOVER THE PERFECTLY IMPERFECT BOOKS

If you’ve ever felt pressured to be good, The Perfectly Imperfect Women’s Journal and The Perfectly Imperfect Companion Workbook will help you break free. With real stories, research-backed insights, and powerful exercises, these books will give you the confidence to trust yourself, set boundaries, and step into your own power. It’s time to rewrite the rules and start living on your terms. Get your copies now.

💃 BECOMING UNIQUELY YOU

Break free from perfectionism, people-pleasing, and self-doubt with the Uniquely You Workshop & Tools Bundle. Through three powerful workshops, you’ll gain the confidence to trust yourself, set boundaries, and lead with authenticity. With lifetime access, you can move at your own pace and start making real change today. Start your journey now.

How do we protect each other? What do we all need to feel safe, seen, and valued—and how do we stop letting society’s gender expectations blind us to each other’s humanity?

[0.50] Chelle introduces Season 3 of The Good Girl Game Changers podcast

[1.49] Evie & Chelle share the gender expectations they're shaking off.

[2.37] Chelle explains the theme of this season - gender compassion - and why it feels important to talk about now.

[11.45] Chelle explores how the nervous system responds and relates to gender compassion.

[17.08] Chelle shares a personal moment with her sons that inspired this season's conversation.

[19.22] Chelle introduces her son, Charlie, to share his thoughts on the moment they shared.

[24.23] Charlie shares how he navigates society's "strong boy" expectations.

[31.13] Charlie shares what he's learnt from that moment and what he has carried forward about gender compassion.

[33.20] Chelle and Evie discuss their thoughts on the conversation with Charlie

[36.14] Outro

[37.52] Post-show BTS moment

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📊 MEASURE YOUR ‘GOOD GIRL’ CONDITIONING

The Good Girl Mindset Survey can help you uncover how society’s ‘good girl’ expectations are impacting your wellbeing. In just a few minutes, you’ll get personalized insights that reveal where you’re thriving, where you’re holding back, and what you can do next to break free. Take the survey now.
📚 DISCOVER THE PERFECTLY IMPERFECT BOOKS

If you’ve ever felt pressured to be good, The Perfectly Imperfect Women’s Journal and The Perfectly Imperfect Companion Workbook will help you break free. With real stories, research-backed insights, and powerful exercises, these books will give you the confidence to trust yourself, set boundaries, and step into your own power. It’s time to rewrite the rules and start living on your terms. Get your copies now.

💃 BECOMING UNIQUELY YOU

Break free from perfectionism, people-pleasing, and self-doubt with the Uniquely You Workshop & Tools Bundle. Through three powerful workshops, you’ll gain the confidence to trust yourself, set boundaries, and lead with authenticity. With lifetime access, you can move at your own pace and start making real change today. Start your journey now.

As we continue celebrating the launch of our children’s version of ⁠⁠⁠The Perfectly Imperfect Little Girl⁠⁠⁠, we’ve recorded a short 5-minute video and podcast series that pairs each evidence-based a-ha moment from the story with a somatic practice designed to help you reconnect with your inner child, or to explore together with a little one in your life.

In this episode, we explore why protecting others from uncomfortable truths is not how we learn and grow.

[0.01] Introduction

[0.40] Chelle reads the storybook

[1.13] Evie guides listeners through the tool Grab an Oxytocin Shot

[3.00] Outro

As we continue celebrating the launch of our children’s version of ⁠⁠The Perfectly Imperfect Little Girl⁠⁠, we’ve recorded a short 5-minute video and podcast series that pairs each evidence-based a-ha moment from the story with a somatic practice designed to help you reconnect with your inner child, or to explore together with a little one in your life.

In this episode, we explore why pleasing others is never worth the cost.

[0.01] Introduction

[0.40] Chelle reads the storybook

[1.10] Evie guides listeners through the tool Shiatsu Swings

[3.19] Outro

As we continue celebrating the launch of our children’s version of ⁠The Perfectly Imperfect Little Girl⁠, we’ve recorded a short 5-minute video and podcast series that pairs each evidence-based a-ha moment from the story with a somatic practice designed to help you reconnect with your inner child, or to explore together with a little one in your life.

In this episode, we explore why silencing our emotions is never worth the cost.

[0.40] Chelle reads the storybook

[1.12] Evie shares the tool, Breathe In Love

[3.00] Outro

As we continue celebrating the launch of our children’s version of The Perfectly Imperfect Little Girl, we’ve recorded a short 5-minute video and podcast series that pairs each evidence-based a-ha moment from the story with a somatic practice designed to help you reconnect with your inner child, or to explore together with a little one in your life.

In this episode, we explore why silencing our emotions is never worth the cost.

[0.42] Chelle reads the storybook

[1.12] Evie shares the tool, Accessing Self

[3.00] Outro

To celebrate the launch of the children's version of The Perfectly Imperfect Little Girl, we’ve recorded a short 5-minute video and podcast series that pairs each evidence-based a-ha moment from the story with a somatic practice designed to help you reconnect with your inner child, or to explore together with a little one in your life.

In this first episode, we explore the question: When, where and with who, did you start believing your looks determined your worth?
Be sure to join us in the somatic practice of the Woodchoppers Breath to cut through all those old ‘good girl’ beliefs.

Do you find yourself feeling increasingly isolated despite being surrounded by people? How many opportunities for connection do you miss each day? What if the antidote to our social disconnection was as simple as pausing to notice the humanity in the stranger beside you?

[02:02] Mo shares her concept of "rewilding" instead of retiring in her 70s.

[07:38] Chelle and Mo discuss how they began huddling together when she moved to Toronto.

[11:59] Mo introduces the concept of a "conversation of possibility".

[19:09] Mo shares four prompts for starting conversations of possibility.

[25:16] Mo introduces her TIP acronym for handling conversations that don't go as planned.
[32:07] Mo and Chelle discuss how conversations of possibility can help bridge differences in society.
[36:17] Mo shares her "mo-ism" about never seeing the sunrise if you're always facing west.

LISTEN NOW: 4 steps to turn reactivity into thoughtful responses

When was the last time you felt stretched so thin you could snap? Maybe someone dismissed your hard work with a casual criticism? Or perhaps one tiny detail fell through and suddenly you heard yourself unleashing a torrent of blame that didn't even sound like you?

[0:52]: Chelle provides a quick recap of Internal Family Systems for listeners

[4:11]: Gabby explains how protection mechanisms like perfectionism and control develop as survival strategies in childhood.

[7:34]: Gabby demonstrates her four-step check-in process for managing triggered parts in real-time.

[10:42]: Gabby describes how leading from self-energy allows for clear, compassionate communication and strong professional boundaries.

[13:58]: Gabby emphasizes the importance of repair and accountability when parts are still healing.

[15:20]: Gabby reminds listeners that we always have a choice in how we show up after being triggered.

[16:16]: Gabby explains how spiritual practices can become a protection mechanism that bypasses genuine inner healing.

[19:11]: Michelle's post-show reflections

Do you feel called to make a difference but unsure where to begin? Have you held back from getting involved with community groups because you don’t fit the loud, outspoken image of what an “activist” is supposed to be? In a world that feels increasingly fractured, finding authentic ways to engage has never mattered more.

[0:02] Chelle introduces Sophia Fifner, author of The Advocate Next Door and president and CEO of the Columbus Metropolitan Club.

[2:15] Sophia shares a"uniquely you" moment.

[5:24] Sophia explains what fuels her work - her personal experience as a survivor of sexual abuse and assault, and how becoming a mother to her daughter Caroline ignited her passion for advocacy.

[9:12] Chelle and Sophia discuss why women often don't feel it's okay to raise their voices or ask for help in their communities.

[15:41] Sophia introduces the LEAD framework for civic engagement: Learn, Engage, Act, and Develop community.

[18:29] Sophia shares her advice on where to start looking for community groups to join.

[22:22] Chelle and Sophia discuss getting clear on your goals for civic engagement.

[28:32] Chelle and Sophia discuss how to respectfully disengage from community groups or relationships that have run their course.

[35:44] Chelle explains the concept of "compassion bias" and strategies for overcoming it.

[38:43] Sophia's final message encouraging listeners to take action in their communities, accepting that civic wellness is a marathon, not a sprint.

[40:51] Post-show discussion between Chelle and Evie.

How are you showing up in your most important relationships? We all have moments where the people we love the most get the worst version of us. Why? Because when things feel hard, our protective parts often leap into action.

[1:59] Chelle recaps Episode 11 with Anna Milaeva, certified transformational coach and co-founder of FINO.

[3:23] Chelle shares ah-ha #1 on Anna's explanation of Internal Family Systems (IFS) as a model of human transformation and healing.

[6:35] Evie shares 'Uniquely You' tool - The Breath to Self - a gentle breathing technique to access self energy without forcing calm.

[16:10] Evie shares ah-ha #2 on how connecting with self energy gives us choice to act from love rather responding with fear and judgment.

[22:30] Chelle explains the 'Uniquely You' tool - Leading with Love - four ways to avoid judgment and choose compassion.

[31:45] Chelle shares ah-ha #3 on Anna's insight that compassion is a powerful force for connection.

[34:32] Evie outlines the 'Uniquely You' tool - The Repair Ritual - four steps to repair relationships after conflict.

[42:15] Chelle summarizes the three ah-has and tools, reinforcing how we can build supportive huddles by bringing more self energy to our relationships.

[46:01] Behind-the-scenes conversation between Chelle and Evie.

What do you do when a conversation gets uncomfortable? When someone’s perspective challenges yours, do you lean in, get defensive or shut down? It’s easy to retreat into habits of self-protection, but these moments don’t have to push us apart — they can be opportunities for deeper understanding, growth, and connection when we create a space of compassion for ourselves and each other.

[0:57] Chelle introduces Anna Milaeva, certified transformational coach and internal family systems practitioner who helps leaders, teams and organizations bridge deep inner work with practical execution.

[2:39] Anna shares a "uniquely you" moment about bringing IFS coaching to lawyers despite her inner critic voices.

[5:13] Anna explains Internal Family Systems (IFS) as a model of human transformation that views ourselves as a system with different parts that can be in conflict or alliance.

[7:23] Anna describes how IFS helps us connect with our parts through conversation rather than pushing them away.

[10:32] Anna shares how she introduces IFS workshops by creating space for curiosity.

[14:19] Chelle and Anna discuss perfectionist parts and how IFS tools can help support them through conversation and understanding their needs.

[16:39] Anna explains how connecting with our breath can help us access Self energy - the wiser, calmer version of ourselves.

[19:41] Chelle and Anna discuss how transformation is a lifestyle that requires daily practice through regenerative habits that bring more energy rather than depleting us.

[32:04] Chelle and Anna discuss how coming from Self energy with curiosity and compassion is more effective than blame and shame.

[33:51] Anna emphasizes that transformation is practice and we'll all make mistakes, but we can build self-energy through regenerative habits and group support.

[39:24] Anna and Chelle discuss how leading with compassion doesn't mean being passive.

[43.28] Chelle & Evie post-show behind the scenes.

Are you intentional about whose encouragement and support you seek out? Do you notice yourself or the women in your life silence achievements and downplay success to avoid seeming ‘boastful’? Is your instinct to compete and outshine, or to uplift and support other women?

[2:06] Chelle and Evie recap Episode 9 with Kasey Edwards, columnist and bestselling author of ten books, including her latest Goodbye Good Girl, Hello Me!.

[4:23] Evie shares ah-ha #1 on Kasey's "Critic Card" tool she shared which helps us filter criticism.

[7:40] Chelle explains the 'Uniquely You' tool - The Cheer Squad Card - to identify supportive people in your life who can lift you up when you need it.

[13:44] Chelle shares ah-ha #2 on how we can help break the pattern of bonding through self-deprecation.

[17:32] Evie shares the 'Uniquely You' tool - Running Humble Victory Laps to help us savour our successes and celebrate others.

[25:31] Chelle shares ah-ha #3- breaking the comparison cycle between women by recognizing how we've been groomed to see each other as competition.

[29:01] Evie explains the 'Uniquely You' tool - The Gratitude Ripple - which helps us disrupt the cycle of comparison and criticism by intentionally creating ripples of appreciation between women.

[33:53] Chelle summarizes the three ah-has and tools. [37:12] Behind-the-scenes conversation between Chelle and Evie.

Who do you allow to shape your opinion of yourself? Does criticism send you into a spiral of self-doubt that can last for days? When was the last time you lifted another woman up—and felt lifted in return?

[1:27] Chelle introduces Kasey Edwards, Australian columnist and bestselling author.

[1:46] Kasey shares a ‘good girl’ moment dealing with the launch of her new book "Goodbye Good Girl, Hello Me".

 [3:11] Kasey introduces the ‘Fig Jam List’ technique - F.I.G. J.A.M: "F***, I'm Good, Just Ask Me" and how it differs to gratitude lists.

[6:53] Kasey shares a story about her experience with facing harsh criticism with her first book and columns.

[9:41] Kasey shares her realization that criticism is inevitable for anyone who shows up.

[12:32] Kasey shares the ‘Critic Card’ tool to help distinguish between useful feedback that helps you grow and criticism designed to diminish you.

[18:13] Chelle and Kasey discuss how women are conditioned to critique other women.

[20:28] Kasey shares the tool Stop Fat-Chat Club - how women bond through self-deprecation, especially about bodies and how we can flip the script on this.

[24:39] Kasey teaches us the "I'm Not a Giraffe" Sisterhood tool which helps us uplift other.

[34:19] Kasey shares her final thoughts.

[36:00] Post-show behind-the-scenes between Chelle and Evie.

When you gather in a group, do you arrive anxious and disconnected? Are you stuck in your head and unable to truly show up for the collective experience? Do you struggle to trust the natural flow of energy that emerges when people come together?

[2:10] Chelle recaps Episode 7 with Tina Bruce, intuitive mentor, co-founder of Soul Wander retreats and author of Big Little Breath

[3:57] Chelle shares ah-ha #1 onunderstanding how perfectionism and control disrupt natural flow and connection in huddles.

[7:40] Evie guides listeners through the 'Uniquely You' tool - Shiatsu Swings. A practice to regulate the nervous system.

[11:18] Chelle shares another technique - "shake it out" to reset group energy.

[13:25] Chelle shares ah-ha #2 - the importance of connecting to something greater than ourselves to find presence as we come together in group settings.

[16:12] Evie explains her grounding practice - sharing 'Uniquely You' tool - Acknowledgement Of Country.

[20:39] Chelle and Evie discuss the value of opening rituals in group settings.

[22:50] Chelle shares ah-ha #3 - ceating spaces that are "safe enough" rather than perfect.

[27:10] Evie's shares the 'Uniquely You' tool the 3S's of Holding Space that gives permission for people to honor their own boundaries.

[34:47] Chelle summarizes the three AHAs and tools.

[37:55] Behind-the-scenes conversation between Chelle and Evie.

Are you feeling the call to bring women together in a ‘huddle’? Do you worry that you first need to have everything perfectly figured out? Does the thought of holding space for others leave you feeling overwhelmed?

[0:57] Chelle introduces Tina Bruce, intuitive mentor, author and co-founder of Soul Wander retreats.

[1:55] Tina shares a recent experience with her "good girl" being triggered by criticism.

[5:12] Tina and Chelle discuss their shared experience in Nepal and why they chose to start the conversation there.

[18:54] Tina discusses accessing the subtle body and how she works with different modalities

[21:33] Tina explains how she leads and holds space for women's groups.

[25:51] Tina shares a breathwork practice called the "Bee Breath" - a humming practice that stimulates the vagus nerve and regulates the nervous system.

[28:03] Chelle and Tina discuss managing diverse groups and leaving behind roles/identities.

[34:19] Tina demonstrates and explains the "Get Off My Back" kriya practice to help release the self-judgment and criticism that can build up when we're trying to lead others.

[37:29] Tina and Chelle discuss vulnerability in leadership and showing up authentically.

[39:50] Tina shares the Ho'oponopono prayer practice - a traditional Hawaiian prayer helps you move from control to trust.

[41:16] Chelle shares about writing her book and the challenging story about her mother.

[44:32] Tina's shares her final thoughts about honoring transformation and finding community.

[47:16] Post-show behind-the-scenes conversation with Chelle and Evie.

How many times this week have you agreed to do something you didn't want to do? Are you drowning in 'shoulds' while your own priorities get pushed aside? Does the thought of saying 'no' fill you with anxiety?

[2:38] Chelle recaps the previous episode with Lindsey Godwin, Molly McGuigan, and Miriam Novotny co-authors of: Ditch The Ditty: Doing What Matters Instead of Doing It All.

[3:31] Chelle shares her first a-ha moment about understanding what a "ditty" is and the importance of ditching them using the 4-Ds framework.

[8:08] Evie introduces the "Do-You-Really?" mirror tool for supporting others in ditty-ditching.

[13:01] Chelle shares her second a-ha about having different ways to say "no" using the "No-saurus" framework.

[17:00] Evie introduces the "Celebrators & Elevators" tool for creating a circle of support in the ditty-ditching journey.

[23:37] Chelle shares her third a-ha about the power of story-swapping in ditty-ditching.

[27:23] Evie introduces the "Ditty-Ditching Divas" support network tool.

[31:16] Chelle summarizes the three main a-ha moments and corresponding tools discussed.

[33:46] Behind-the-scenes post-show conversation between Evie and Chelle.

Do you exhaust yourself being the office superhero who can't say no? Are you the go-to person for tasks nobody else wants? Do you find yourself organizing the office party, managing the school fundraiser, and hosting family gatherings – all while secretly wishing someone else would step up?

[01:38] Chelle introduces guests Lindsey Godwin, Molly McGuigan, and Miriam Novotny, authors of the new book, "Ditch the Ditty".

[02:00] Molly shares the origin story of "Ditch the Ditty".

[04:35] Miriam explains the different categories of tasks: duties, deeds, delights, and ditties

[06:13] The team introduce their decision tree tool and how asking questions like "on whose terms?" and "for whose benefit?" may help.

[08:08] Lindsey discusses how gender dynamics affect women's tendency to take on ditties

[10:30] The team explain of "Ditty dynamics".

[14:18] Molly describes how they used their experience to start conversations with women worldwide.

[17:55] The team discuss the importance of women supporting each other in identifying ditties.

[19:01] Lindsey explains the "Ditty disguises"

[26:28] Miriam shares strategies for saying "no" and scaling responses appropriately.

[30:23] Molly introduces the ABCD framework for identifying essentials.

[34:47] Lindsey discusses transforming duties into delights and finding joy in necessary tasks

[42.05] Post-show behind-the-scenes with Chelle and Evie.

Have you been taken by surprise to discover just how deeply society’s ‘good girl’ expectations shapes your choices? Do you find yourself wondering how these beliefs took hold, no matter how free-spirited your childhood may have been?

[0:02] Chelle introduces the podcast and Evie Wright, co-author of 'The Perfectly Imperfect Women's Journal'.

[1:56] Evie shares her compelling journey from paramedic to burnout, describing her transition from Queensland to Melbourne and finding her path in yoga and wellbeing work.

[6:04] Evie recalls growing up on a commune, describing a childhood filled with nature and freedom, while reflecting on how societal expectations still managed to shape her beliefs.

[15:38] Evie shares her story of growing up with people-pleasing patterns and how that affects her life today.

[27:29] Evie introduces the powerful "Set Healthy Boundaries" tool, explaining the three H's framework: Hurt (reflection), Hope (connection), and Help (action planning).

[32:07] Through her "Shape Shifter" story, Evie reveals her pattern of becoming the family mediator at a young age, highlighting how this role influenced her later relationships and tendency to fix others' problems.

[36:26] Evie shares the "Find Yourself" tool based on Internal Family Systems, discussing how the eight C's of IFS help access our wisest self.

[39:00] Evie shares her key learning: "Even though the little girl was often imperfect, she was just fucking fine" - emphasizing the power of accepting our imperfections.

[41:37] Post-show conversation between Evie & Chelle.

Do you remember the first time you learned you needed to be "good" to be loved? Perhaps it was a gold star for sitting quietly, or praise for putting others first, or the silent treatment when you spoke up too loudly. For Chelle, it was a little golden book that cost just 40 cents at the supermarket checkout - a book that would shape how she saw herself for decades to come.

[1:04] Evie introduces Dr. Chelle McQuaid and their upcoming books: "The Perfectly Imperfect Little Girl" and "The Perfectly Imperfect Women's Journal" launching February 2025.

[1:46] Chelle shares the story of "The Good Little Bad Little Girl" book from her childhood.

[5:10] Chelle recounts her experience hiking in Nepal, where she received the message that "success was joyfully following what called to her heart" – the catalyst that inspired these books.

[7:34] Chelle shares her struggle with perfectionism through the story of walking the Camino Portuguese.

[21:41] Chelle introduces the 'Be a Yeti' tool - a practical tool for managing perfectionism and overfunctioning.

[23:37] Chelle discusses a pivotal moment in her journey of people-pleasing – the difficult decision to end her marriage.

[30:19] Chelle shares the 'Show Up For Yourself' tool (Safe, Seen, Soothed, Secure) - a practical approach for rebuilding secure attachment with ourselves.

[37:42] Chelle courageously shares her childhood trauma and the cost of silencing herself to protect others, highlighting how speaking her truth ultimately led to healing for herself and her family.

[46:45] Chelle introduces the 'Moving Towards Your Parts' tool from Internal Family Systems, explaining the three steps: Noticing, Knowing, and understanding what our parts Need.

[51:04] Chelle shares the core message of the books: Learning to ask "On whose terms and for whose benefit are you living your wild and precious life?"

[54:43] Post show behind-the-scenes with Evie and Chelle.

When it comes to connecting with others, do you know exactly who's in your huddle and how they support different areas of your life? Have you mastered the art of making clear asks when you need their help? Or do you tend to struggle to nurture the relationships you need?

[1:51] Chelle recaps Episode 1 with Brooke Baldwin, former CNN anchor and author of "Huddle: How Women Unlock Their Collective Power."

[2:43] Chelle shares Aha #1: The fundamental need we all have to be part of huddles.

[8:28] Evie introduces the tool "Map Your Huddle" to help us identify existing and potential connections

[12:30] Chelle shares Aha #2: The transformative power of asking for and accepting help.

[19.40] Evie introduces the tool "Ask Clean and Clear" tool to help us get clear, clean and concise when asking for help.

[24:21] Chelle shares Aha #3: The power of amplifying other women

[28:08] Evie introduces the tool "Shine the Spotlight" for amplifying other women:

[30:22] Chelle recaps the three main aha moments from the conversation with Brooke and the corresponding tools.

[33:05] Behind-the-scenes post-show conversation between Evie and Chelle.

Do you yearn for meaningful connections beyond quick coffee catch-ups and surface-level networking? Are you surrounded by women in your daily life - at work, in your neighborhood, or through your children - yet missing those deeper bonds of mutual support? Do you dream of having a powerful circle of women to celebrate your wins, lift you through challenges, and inspire your growth?
[0:57] Chelle introduces Brooke Baldwin, former CNN anchor and author of Huddle: How Women Unlock Their Collective Power.

[2:12] Brooke discusses the vulnerability and courage required to publish her Vanity Fair essay.

[3:11] Brooke shares her current "good girl" journey, discussing the balance between Southern grace and self-prioritization.

[5:53] Chelle and Brooke discuss Brooke's book "Huddle" and what huddles mean/how Brooke came to write this book.

[7:47] Brooke explains what inspired her to write "Huddle," describing her experience covering the 2016 presidential election and the Women's March in 2017.

[11.00] Brooke shares her experience in Houston where she experienced "huddles" in action.

[14.19] Chelle and Brooke share the challenges women face in asking for help and the importance of vulnerability in huddles.

[18.41] Brooke and Chelle discuss why women often hesitate to publicly discuss topics like pleasure and personal growth.

[22.37] Brooke discusses how to navigate fear during the unraveling process, referencing Pema Chödrön's teachings.

[26.19] Brooke shares insights about trust, faith, and listening to your body during periods of transformation.

[31:24] Brooke shares a final takeaway for this episode.

[39.26] Behind-the-scenes post show discussion with Chelle & Evie.

When something triggers your perfectionism or people-pleasing, who helps you stay true to yourself? Do you have role models who show you what authentically pursuing your dreams looks like? Are there people in your life who celebrate rather than judge when you step outside society's 'good girl' expectations?

[3.00] Chelle announces how tools and resources work together to help us stay true to ourselves.

[3.41] Evie explores how understanding our response to triggers - whether rushing to please others or shutting down - is crucial for breaking free from conditioning. She introduces "The Perfectly Imperfect Women's Journal" with tools for recognizing and shifting these patterns.

[6.36] Chelle introduces how storytelling and humor can challenge conditioning, through an illustrated book that helps readers examine whose standards they're living by.

[9.09] Chelle and Evie explore the power of community "huddles" and how collective support sustains personal growth.

[14.15] Chelle shares research on how women gathering in supportive spaces builds resilience and belonging, introducing The Tour of Love as a way to create "huddles" in community.

[17.25] Chelle summarizes what we've learnt and what's coming next.

[19.16] Post show behind-the-scenes.

Do you ever feel like you're constantly juggling expectations - both your own and others' - of who you're supposed to be and how you're supposed to show up in the world? Maybe you've been labeled as "too much" or "not enough." Perhaps you've found yourself exhausted from striving for an impossible standard of perfection or silencing your own needs to please others. If any of this resonates, you're not alone. Over the past year, we've been on a research journey to understand how women navigate the ‘good girl’ expectations that often stop us from being our true selves.

[2.35] Chelle introduces Season 1 wrap-up and what we have learnt about self compassion, secure attachment & self-leadership.

[7.53] Chelle and Evie share and discuss ground-breaking new research findings from 1000 Australian women.

[10.06] Chelle reports the first major findings from the research: 77% of women strive for perfection to avoid criticism and 82% report exhaustion from maintaining impossible standards.

[12.00] Evie reflects on a pivotal lesson from Elise Loehnen about the hidden wisdom in anger and envy.

[15.05] Chelle shares her lessons from Kristin Neff's perspective on embodying fierce self-compassion.

[18.02] Chelle reports the second major findings from the research: 78% of women prioritize others' needs over their own to avoid rejection and 67% feel resentful about these sacrifices.

[20.00] Evie reflects on a pivotal lesson: Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott's groundbreaking 'zones of secure relating' framework.

[23.00] Chelle reflects on Juliane Taylor Shore's transformative approach to establishing boundaries.

[29.17] Chelle reports the third major findings from the research: 67% of women silence their true feelings to avoid abandonment and over 50% feel they're not living as their authentic selves.

[30.55] Evie reflects on Nahid de Belgeonne's teachings of "Performance has no place here" when it comes to nervous system healing and connecting to Self.

[34.10] Chelle shares Tori Olds' "no bad parts" and what that taught her about connecting to her Self.

[37.37] Evie wrap-ups and shares a call for listener feedback.

[38.12] Chelle gives a season 2 sneak peak.

[39.00] Post show behind-the-scenes with Chelle & Evie.

When fear shows up in your life, how do you typically respond? Do you stay safely within your comfort zone to avoid any risk of failure? Or have you learned to make peace with your fear and take courageous action anyway?

[1.55] Chelle shares her first a-ha about normalizing fear and regulating fear response.

[8.38] Evie introduces three powerful questions to check if fear is keeping us too safe.

[13.04] Chelle shares her second a-ha about courage being a developable skill.

[17.00] Evie introduces Margie's tool: "How much life are you willing to give up?"

[18.17] Chelle shares her third a-ha about forgiving our inner wimp.

[20.35] Evie guides listeners through the Find Your S.E.L.F. practice.

[26.46] Chelle summarizes the three main a-has and the corresponding tools.

[29.36] Post-show behind-the-scenes.

Do you find yourself playing it safe to keep others happy? Does the thought of disappointing people fill you with dread? What if your desire to be ‘good’ is actually stopping you from being great?

[0:54] Chelle introduces Dr. Margie Warrell, bestselling author and leadership advisor who helps organizations build cultures of courage.

[1:50] Margie shares a personal story about times she found it hard to break free of good girl expectations.

[7:12] Margie and Chelle discuss learning to disappoint people and the challenge of saying "no."

[13.57] Margie helps us understand how fear lives in the body and the physical manifestation of fear.

[20.28] Margie explains the two core dimensions of courage: our relationship with fear and our willingness to take action despite fear.

[25:00] Chelle and Margie discuss how women often conform to good girl expectations because it feels safer in the short term.

[26.20] Chelle and Margie discuss temporal bias and why we tend to focus on short-term comfort over long-term fulfillment.

[31:02] Chelle highlights the importance of learning to forgive ourselves when we "wimp out."

[31:50] Margie shares the importance of self-compassion and cultivating an inner voice of love.

[37:27] Margie shares her final thoughts.

[39.42] Post-show behind-the-scenes with Chelle and Evie.

Do you find yourself constantly pushing to achieve more? Are you always trying to perfect everything you do? Or have you learned to sometimes put down the weight of endless ambition and just be present in your body?

[1:45] Chelle & Evie recap their conversation with Nahid de Belgeonne from Episode #23, introducing her as the "nervous system whisperer".

[2.44] Chelle shares her first a-ha: We're not a brain with a body, we're a body with a brain.

[5:12] Evie gives the option of Nahid's tool of the 6:6 breath and an untimed breathing practice focused on gentle exhale holds.

[7.23] Evie guides us through an untimed breathing practice.

[9.56] Evie shares her second a-ha about how "ambition has no place" in nervous system regulation.

[11.22] Chelle introduces the two Soothing Questions tool for shifting from "doing" to "being" mode.

[16.54] Chelle shares her third a-ha about the power of oscillation for releasing old patterns.

[18.20] Evie guides listeners through Nahid's "Jiggling" practice for nervous system regulation.

[22.39] Chelle summarizes the three main a-has and and tools.

[25.05] Post-show behind-the-scenes.

Do you exhaust yourself trying to protect everyone else's wellbeing while ignoring your own needs? Have you become so skilled at silencing your body's signals that you only notice them when you're completely depleted? What if your nervous system is desperately trying to tell you something that could free you from these depleting patterns of self-sacrifice?

[0:03] Chelle introduces the Good Girl Game Changer podcast and shares a uniquely you moment about protecting others.

[0.59] Chelle introduces Nahid de Belgeonne, author and somatic movement educator, specializing in guiding clients through burnout and anxiety.

[2:05] Nahid shares a 'Uniquely You' moment about being a daughter of immigrants and her relationship with people-pleasing.

[5:03] Nahid explains the physiological side of the nervous system and how we're a body with a brain, not a brain with a body.

[10:58] Nahid breaks down interoception and how it helps manage depression and anxiety.

[15.54] Nahid teaches us about breath work and its impact on brain, lungs and heart coherence.

[17.00] Nahid explains the impact of movement exploration and spatial awareness on the nervous system.

[21.27] Nahid guides Chelle & listeners through a seated practice focusing on spatial awareness and movement exploration.

[29:45] Chelle & Nahid reflect on the experience and sensations from the guided practice and how this work differs from traditional teaching methods.

[36.15] Chelle & Nahid explore letting go of ambition and perfectionism in somatic practices.

[42:40] Post show behind-the-scenes with Chelle & Evie.

Does your perfectionist part tend to micro-manage others at work? Or does your people-pleasing part rush to control your family dynamics? While these protective parts of you have good intentions, they're often stuck in outdated strategies that no longer serve you or others well. But how can you ask them to stand down?

[2.06] Chelle & Evie recap Episode 20 with Dr. Tori Olds who shared Internal Family Systems (IFS) tools to help us strengthen our self-leadership and the coaching session with Evie in Episode 21 where we saw some of those tools in action.

[5.30] Chelle coaches Evie through a guided practice to connect with her Parts.

[24.40] Evie shares her experience with the guided practice.

[30.19] Chelle explains more about the guided practice which is called Move Towards.

[35.50] Chelle helps us understand what Exiled Parts are.

[39.40] Post show behind-the-scenes

What if those ‘good girl’ parts of you that seem stuck in old patterns - like perfectionism, people-pleasing, and protecting others - are actually trying to keep you safe? And what might change if you could help them trust that you're now capable of responding to life’s challenges in healthier ways?

[0.43] Chelle introduces Dr. Tori Olds, psychologist and co-founder of Deep Eddy Psychotherapy.

[1.15] Chelle summarises the content we covered in the conversation with Tori in Part 1 and Tori helps us reconnect to the ideas and tools that were shared.

[4.52] Tori shares some further ideas to help us 'unblend' from our protective Parts.

[8.55] Tori helps us understand the difference between our 'managerial' and 'firefighter' Parts.

[12.43] Tori explains what 'exile' Parts are and why they are often sitting beneath our 'protector' Parts.

[16.31] Chelle shares a personal story about her 'exile' and 'protector' parts.

[21.45] Tori reflects on Chelle's story and helps us understand what IFS calls a 'burden' and what it means to 'unburden'.

[28.00] Tori explains what happens to our Parts when we 'unburden'.

[32.29] Tori guides us on how much of this work we could do on our own versus when we may need to seek external help such as a therapist or psychologist.

[37.40] Chelle summarises this episode and the language and tools we've learnt.

[40.15] Post show behind-the-scenes.

When have you led with curiosity, compassion, clarity and calm? How have you shown up to challenging situations with courage, creativity, confidence, and connection? When your Self - with a capital S as identified in Internal Family Systems (IFS) practices - is present, what makes this wiser and kinder state possible?

[2.27] Chelle recaps episode #19 with Dr. Tori Olds where she introduced us to Internal Family Systems (IFS) and a set of tools to help us strengthen our self-leadership.

[4.51] Chelle shares Ah-ha #1 from Tori which is we all have a Self, which is our wisest and kindest version of ourself. Chelle recaps the 8C's from the IFS model.

[7.40] Chelle coaches Evie through a guided process to help Evie to connect to Self.

[14.48] Evie and Chelle discuss what came up during the guided process and offer insights on how to find your Self.

[24.00] Chelle shares her second Ah-ha insight, explaining that we all have different Parts that make up our Self.

[28.53] Chelle shares the final Ah-ha from Tori's podcast which is: we all have no bad Parts.

[38.52] Chelle summarises this podcasts' ah-ha moments and tools.

[41.37] Post show behind the scenes

How does it feel when you’re the wisest and kindest version of yourself? What impact does it have on you and others? What might life be like if you could more consistently show up as the person you are capable of being?

[0.57] Chelle introduces Dr. Tori Olds psychologist and co-founder of Deep Eddy Psychotherapy.

[1.48] Tori shares a 'Uniquely You' moment she remembers from her childhood.

[3.57] Tori explains how Internal Family Systems (IFS) helps us understand our capacity for self-leadership.

[10.24] Tori explains what 'Parts' mean in IFS when we talk about the Self.

[15.29] Tori talks us through the 8C's of the Self.

[16.22] Chelle and Tori discuss how Parts are connected to our protection circuits.

[23.10] Chelle explains to Tori about the link she discovered between Dr. Dan Siegal's 4S's Tool of Seen, Safe, Soothed & Secure and how that connects to our Parts.

[26.30] Tori shares how we can take a relational stance to our Parts and how this can connect us to Self.

[29.14] Tori explains what 'unblending' means when it comes to the Self.

[32.00] Tori shares questions that may be helpful to ask our Parts.

[36.22] Tori encourages us to take this work slowly to keep our brains in our 'green zone'.

[38.05] Tori shares her final Ah-ha.

[39.52] Chelle & Evie post show behind-the-scenes.

When it comes to the relationships you prioritize in your life - family, friends, colleagues, and community - do you really belong, or are you just fitting in?

[0.46] Chelle introduces Dr. Dan Siegel, founding co-director of the Mindful Awareness Research Center at UCLA and the executive director of the Mindsight Institute.

[1.42] Dan shares his tool on how understanding our brain is in the 'palm of our hands' which provides insights into how we can better comprehend the workings of our brain.

[3.58] Dan teaches us about the 5 F's - fight, flee, freeze, faint/flop and fawn reaction states and how these impact our protection and connection systems in our brain.

[8.35] Dan shares how his 4S model of safe, seen, soothed and secure relates to his new work on intra-connection, insecure and secure attachment.

[12.15] Chelle shares her lived experience around people pleasing and how she used Dan's tools to reparent herself to feel safe, seen, soothed and secure.

[18.22] Dan offers a fresh perspective on the modern concept of 'the Self,' suggesting that this definition may contribute to a sense of disconnection from the Whole. As an alternative, he introduces his idea of 'MWe.'

[22.38] Dan explains what 'MWe' means and how this word helps us to embrace the Me and We as an intraconnected whole.

[26.35] Dan challenges us on the meaning of the words 'belonging' and 'self-identity'.

[37.22] Post show behind-the-scenes.

When you’re struggling, how do you show up for yourself? Do you stoically push through whatever challenge you’re facing? Do you distract yourself by running around and helping others? Or do you make the space to sit down and listen to what your body and brain need you to know?

[1.46] Chelle introduces Dr. Dan Siegel and explains why we're unpacking some of the comments and ideas in this ah-ha podcast before the release of the full conversation with Dan.

[3.25] Evie helps us to unpack Ah-ha #1 which was Dr. Dan Siegal's 4S model - safe, seen, soothed and secure.

[5.45] Chelle shares Ah-ha #2 on Dan's perspective around the word belonging and how our words create our worlds.

[8.18] Evie shares how our Uniquely You tool of 'On whose terms? For whose benefits?' can be applied to the language we use.

[12.13] Chelle introduces Ah-ha #3 where Dan cautioned us on the modern definition of the 'Self' and his concerns on how that lens keeps us seperate.

[16.05] Evie shares our Uniquely You tool of the power of "AND".

[21.20] Chelle summarises the Ah-ha moments and Uniquely You tools of today's podcast.

[24.06] Post-show behind the scenes.

When it comes to setting and honoring the healthy boundaries you need in your life, are you scared of how other people will respond? Will your family be mad? Will your friends be hurt? Will your colleagues be upset?

[1.49] Michelle recaps episode #15 with Juliane Taylor Shore on the six steps to boundary setting.

[5.59] Michelle shares Ah-ha #1 and Evie & Michelle walk through the six steps together to help Evie navigate setting a boundary in her personal life.

[20.27] Evie shares Ah-ha #2 where not only could we use these six steps to set the boundaries we needed in our relationships, but that we could use them to set boundaries for ourselves.

[20.45] Michelle walks us through how she has been using the six steps to set a boundary with herself when her behavior hasn't been serving her well.

[27.10] Michelle shares Ah-ha #3 on how setting boundaries is likely to come with grief.

[27.58] Evie walks us through our Uniquely You tool of "Chopping Wood" which allows us to sit with the grief and move it through our bodies.

[32.15] Michelle recaps this episode with our 3 Ah-ha moments and tools.

[34.14] Post-show behind the scenes.

When it comes to setting boundaries, do you send others mixed signals instead of clear messages? Are your efforts to communicate what you need packed with awkward moments or kind connections? Do you come away second-guessing yourself or full of self-respect?

1.33 Chelle & Juliane review the four different types of boundaries we need for our brains to feel safe.

2.20 Step 1: Find your big why

10.27 Step 2: Define your boundary

16.10 Step 3: Anticipate potential responses

26.08 Step 4: Anticipate your reactions

27.34 Step 5: Create a self-soothing plan

28.16 Step 6: Say it and follow through

34.45 Why grief is at the bottom of every boundary we set

39.20 Why we need a soft front, strong back, wild heart for boundary setting40.11 How to use the six steps to set boundaries for yourself

42.05 The post-show check-in

When it comes to setting better boundaries, it helps to start by figuring out exactly what kind of boundary you most need. Is it an external boundary (between you and someone else), an internal boundary (the work you do to support yourself), or both? And how do you figure this out?

[2.24] Michelle recaps Episode 13 with Juliane Taylor Shore on setting healthy boundaries.

[4.13] Michelle shares Ah-Ha moment #1 on the difference between a boundary, a request, a demand and a complaint.

[7.28] Evie shares our Uniquely You tool of The 3H's of Setting Healthy Boundaries. Evie and Michelle share their experience with setting boundaries.

[16.37] Evie shares Ah-Ha moment #2 on psychological boundaries and how these can help us to protect our minds from one another where it's needed.

[19.33] Evie recaps a tool Juliane shared with us on how to listen with discernment.

[25.07] Michelle shares Ah-Ha moment #3 on containing boundaries and how we can implement pauses before we say or do.

[28.24] Evie recaps a tool Juliane shared with us on how to find your personal integrity word and action to help you to pause, feel and respond.

[34.04] Michelle summaries the Ah-Ha moments and tools shared in the podcast.

[36.41] Post-show behind the scenes.

When it comes to feeling respected and valued in your relationships, do you know when to make requests and when to set boundaries? Or do you spin your wheels making complaints or issuing demands instead?

[0.57] Michelle introduces Juliane Taylor Shore.

[1.52] Juliane shares her Uniquely You moment with us.

[4.51] Juliane explains why boundaries are a way for people to be more connected to one another. She helps us to understand what happens to our brain when we set boundaries.

[15.09] Juliane helps us understand the difference between a boundary, a request, a demand and a complaint.

[20.51] Juliane describes boundaries along a spectrum of porous and rigid and what that means when it comes to flexing boundaries whilst doing right by ourselves and others.

[25.37] Juliane explains an external boundary which is our ability to let others know what is and is not okay with us and to match our actions to that communication.

[30.02] Juliane describes a psychological boundary and how it allows us to choose what to take in to keep other people safe when interacting with us.

[38.55] Juliane helps us understand what a container boundary is and how it allows us to pause, feel, think, and consciously choose a response.

[46.42] Behind the scenes post-show moment between Michelle and Evie.

When it comes to connecting with others, does your nervous system tend to run “too hot” or “too cold”? Or are you able to live in the secure relating sweet spot of “just right”, even when your relationships become challenging?

[1.52] Michelle recaps Episode 11 - Part 2 of the podcast with Sue Marriott on Secure Relating.

[2.54] Evie reintroduces the "zones of relating", in particular The Red Zone which causes our protection circuits to up-regulate and intensify our attention, emotions, and actions.

[3.47] Michelle shares her ah-ha moments about The Red Zone and shares our Uniquely You Tool of Taking A Cool Pause and how this can "cool" your nervous system down.

[5.06] Evie shares our Uniquely You Tool of Spotting The ANTS (automatic negative thoughts) and how this can help when we find ourselves in The Red Zone.

[6.56] Michelle shares our Uniquely You Tool of Bulleting Your Ah-Ha's which can help us to skip to the end of what we most need to say, instead of being verbose.

[9.26] Michelle reintroduces The Blue Zone and how this causes our protection circuit to down-regulate and avoid emotional connections.

[9.55] Evie shares her ah-ha's about the Blue Zone and shares our Uniquely You Tool of Finding a Bridgewhich helps us to ask for support and find our way back to people.

[10.59] Michelle shares our Uniquely You Tool of Repairing Your Relationshipswhich helps us to take accountability, apologize and genuinely mend relationships.

[13.47] Evie shares our Uniquely You Tool of Walking Towards Love whichs helps us reconnect to ourself and walk towards the people we love.

[16.18] Evie reintroduces The Green Zone (our just right zone) which is where we can embody trust and love.

[16.48] Michelle shares the 3's of Secure Relating as shared by Sue Marriott: Recognizing, Reflecting, Rewiring.

[27.20] Show wrap up

Do you find it hard to trust others? Do you long to have closer relationships but find yourself overwhelmed with anxiety and fear when people want you to open up? Do you find being emotionally close with others confusing and exhausting?

[1.18] Michelle and Sue summarise part 1 of the conversation around secure relating and the "zones" of relating.

[4.40] Sue helps us understand more about the "blue zone" and it's link to childhood and emotionally unavailable caregivers and how that causes insecure attachment.

[7.04] Sue explains what you could try if you find yourself in the "blue zone" and how you can guide yourself back towards softness and vulnerability when relating through expressing delight.

[11.04] Sue helps us understand more about the "red zone" and how we can move back into our thinking brain and bring our focus back inward.

[16.43] Sue shares how recognizing, reflecting and rewiring helps us to hang out more in our "green zone".

[23.47] Sue explains one of her tools called the "Tie-Dye Puddle" and when and why we may find ourselves in this biological puddle.

[27.54] Sue explains why "safe-enough" should be our goal rather than striving for perfection when it comes to safety in relating.

[29.55] Sue shares final advice on how might we use these tools to help us stay in our "green zones" more often than not.

[34.57] Michelle and Evie share post-show behind the scenes.

When your interactions with others become challenging, how does your nervous system respond? Are you able to stay grounded with your connection circuits turned on? Or do your protection circuits take over and turn you into a people-pleasing or protecting machine?

[3.14] Michelle recaps episode 9 with Sue Marriott, starting with the definition of secure attachment.

[5.38] Michelle shares Sue's insights on how 'secure relating' is available to everybody regardless of our childhood experiences.

[6.05] Michelle recaps how our nervous systems move between connection and protection along what Sue termed as 'zones'.

[7.24] Evie shares Ah-Ha #1: When in the Green Zone of secure relating, we embody trust and love.

[7.57] Michelle shares more on the Green Zone connection circuit and explains how our neurobiology is integrated when in this 'just right' zone. She takes us through how being in this zone allows us to feel the safety of exploring, bonding and belonging with one another.

[11.07] Evie shares our 'uniquely you' tool: The Brain Safety Dial. Evie and Michelle share their own lived experiences with using this tool to help them regulate to a more neutral zone of relating.

[15.48] Michelle shares Ah-Ha #2: When we become afraid that our relationships are slipping away from us, it turns on our protection circuit which intensifies our attention, emotions, and actions and causes us to abandon our own needs in favor of pleasing or pleading with others. Sue described this as having shifted to the right along the spectrum into the Red Zone.

[21.17] Evie shares our 'uniquely you' tool: The Cool Pause. Evie and Michelle share their own lived experience of how this tool helps to reconnect to self and to calm the protection circuit so that connection can be restored. 

[24.23] Evie shares Ah-Ha #3: When we turn down our attachment system, we go to the Blue Zone and withdraw from others so we don’t have to feel emotionally or socially vulnerable.

[24.43] Michelle shares more on the Blue Zone connection circuits and how this zone causes us to silence and avoid our feelings, and create more emotional distance from ourselves and others.

[29.35] Evie shares our 'uniquely you' tool: Building A Bridge. Evie and Michelle share their own lived experience with asking for help and apologising to help them come out of the Blue Zone.

[31.35] Michelle provides a wrap up of the ah-ha's and tools.

[34.41] Podcast Wrap Up

[35.33] Post-show behind the scenes.

When it comes to your relationships, do you bend over backwards to please others in the hope they’ll love you in return? Do you play it cool and silence your needs in the hope they’ll admire and respect you? Or, are you able to interact in ways that embody trust and love for yourself and others?

[4.20] Sue explains secure attachment and how it impacts our relationships.

[7.14] Sue shares how 'secure relating' is available to everybody regardless of our childhood experiences.

[10.57] Sue outlines how our nervous systems move between connection and protection and how this shapes our relationships.

[16.26] Sue explains the impact of the 'good girl' scripts we tell ourselves and how that impacts our ability to securely relate to ourselves and others.

[22.10] Sue shares what it means to be in Green Zone where our relationships feel just right.

[26.00] Sue introduces the Red Zone and how our nervous systems heat up when we feel our relationships are being threatened.

[34.38] Sue introduces the Blue Zone and how our nervous system cools down when we feel too vulnerable with others.

[45.17] Michelle and Evie post-show ah-ha's.

When you feel envy or anger, how do you respond? Do you put on your kindest face for everyone to admire, while viciously criticizing yourself for being petty and mean on the inside? Or do try to rid yourself of these emotions by shaming and blaming the people who made you feel this way?

[2.20] - Chelle & Evie unpack the recent podcast with Elise Leohnen and how she helped us to unpack how our good girl mindsets get shaped by the world around us.

[4.57] - Aha #1: We unpack Elise's statement: “Even though we don’t want to subscribe or comply with society’s good girl beliefs they are in us and we have to be able to recognize when they are driving our behavior and pull them out. That we have to clear out our own gardens.”

[9.21] - Tool #1: Free Yourself Questions of: On whose terms? For whose benefit? 

[11.08] - Aha #2: How can we weed through all that cultural programming to get to what you actually want.

[14.07] - Tool #2: Self-compassion - Best Friend Test

[15.30] - Aha #3: We unpack Elise's statement: “While many of us are familiar with frustration, impatience, and resentment – the socially acceptable forms of anger – women rarely give full vent to our anger.”

[18.12] - Tool #3: ‘Flipping Our Anger’

[23.07] - Aha & Tool recap

[25.39] - Post-show confession

Growing up, were you encouraged to be a ‘good girl’? Do you find yourself, even as an adult, still struggling to meet this impossible set of expectations? Where do these beliefs come from, and why are they so hard to free ourselves of?

[1.36] Elise shares a 'good girl' belief she has been working on recently.

[4.05] Elise explains why so many women believe they need to be 'good girls' and where these ideas come from.

[7.51] Elise explores how society grooms us to be 'good girls' and the costs.

[12.12] Elise shares how, as adults, we can use self-compassion practices to help us unsubscribe from 'good girl' expectations that don't serve us well.

[17.57] Elise outlines how we can use our resentment and anger about the 'good girl' bind to redefine our self-worth.

[28.22] Elie offers some final tips to help us spot where the world's 'good girl' expectations are keeping us stuck.

When someone offers you feedback or criticism, how does your body respond? Do you brace yourself for the sharp pain of hearing you’re not good enough? Or does your heart open up with appreciation, and your mind fire up with curiosity for the opportunity to learn? How might a growth mindset help you listen to feedback with self-compassion?

[2.34] - Chelle & Evie unpack Dr. Carol Dweck's definition of a growth mindset.

[6.54] - Aha #1: Why do we often feel afraid to take on challenges and persist, and how does this drive our obsession with perfectionism?

[12.14] - Tool #1: The power of being a 'Yettie'

[14.26] - Aha #2: How a growth mindset has been found to help women thrive in threatening environments.

[18.59] - Tool #2: The opportunity to 'Run A Learning Loop'

[21.45] - Aha #3: When you're given feedback or criticism what do you hear?

[26.21] - Tool #3: How to "Set Learning Goals

[29.23] - Aha & Tool recap

[31.54] - Post-show confession

Do you hustle through your days chasing perfection? Does the prospect of failing fill you with fear? Is feedback and criticism painful to hear? Then, practicing a growth mindset could help free you from your 'good girl' hustle for perfection.

[2.33] Carol defines the difference between a fixed and a

growth mindset.

[3.38] Carol shares how fixed and growth mindsets impact our confidence.

[5.12] Carol explains how gender beliefs can impact our fixed and growth mindsets.

[7.36] Carol outlines how our fixed and growth mindsets get shaped in our lives.

[10.00] Carol explains how we can shift our mindsets when they don't serve us well.

[15.37] Carol shares the power of embracing struggle to help us achieve the outcomes we want.

[18.07] Carol outlines how we can practice growth mindsets when the people around us are not supportive.

[22.30] Carole explains how growth mindsets impact our wellbeing.

[26.19] The post-podcast confession.

When you’re struggling what do you say to yourself? Studies suggest many of us say horrible things to ourselves in these moments like: “You're so stupid!”, “You’re such a loser!”, “No wonder no one loves you!" or worse. But what's the best question to ask ourselves in these moments?

[2.40] The most common tool women report using to break free of their 'good girl' beliefs and embody their unique selves.

[3.33] A-ha #1: Why do women tend to be more self-critical than men?

[6.40] Tool #1: How we can Shuffle The Script to help extend more self-compassion.

[8.37] A-ha #2: The benefit of avoiding beating ourselves up for beating ourselves up

[12.50] Tool #2: How to Take An Oxytocin Shot when you need to reach for self-compassion.

[14.40] A-ha #3: The best question to ask when we're struggling to feel safe, calm, and supported.

[19.30] Tool #3: How to set and honor healthy boundaries with others.

[25.46] The after show confession

Do you find it difficult to say “no”? Are you scared of setting boundaries? Can you confidently and calmly stand up for yourself? If mastering these skills feels like it might stretch you well outside your comfort zone, then Dr. Kristin Neff's skills of fierce self-compassion may help.

[1.31] Kristin explains why studies suggest women struggle more with self-compassion more than men.

[5.24] Kristin outlines how the three elements of self-criticism are designed to keep us safe but tend to backfire.[8.31] Kristin explains how self-criticism can undermine our wellbeing.

[11.40] Kristin explains how self-compassion provides a helpful alternative to self-criticism.

[15.55] Kristin shares how fierce self-compassion can help us set boundaries, stand up for ourselves, and motivate ourselves when most needed.

[22.21] Kristin shares her favorite self-compassion practice.

[31.08] The after show confession

The two questions every 'good girl' needs to ask.

We’ve been asking woman all over the world what being a ‘good girl’ means to them. Most of them shared early childhood memories between the ages of 6 – 11 where usually a family member or a teacher had encouraged them to be a ‘good girl’ if they wanted to be safe, successful, and loved.

We've found for many women this early childhood experience has become a deeply held belief – a mindset – that continues to shape the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors of these women decades later often leading to exhaustion, loss of identify, and deep resentment. How can we break free of these beliefs if they no longer serve us?

In this first podcast episode you’ll hear us talk about:

[02:35] What does it means to be a 'good girl' and share their own stories insights from women around the world?

[07:41] Where do our 'good girl' beliefs serve us and well and where do they keep us stuck?

[19:42] What are some of our favorite tools - and the two questions that make all the difference - to break free of their 'good girl' mindsets when they don't serve us well?

[27:26] In a nutshell … what are we learning from the research and the practical game changing actions we can all experiment with.

[30.52] The post-show reflection.

We’d love to hear about your own ‘good girl’ origin stories and how this have impacted your life for better or worse.