The Vampire Diaries Diaries

All we want for Christmas is for Mayor Carol Lockwood to not be dead :(

A tale of flashbacks and flash drives...

Not even a good old-fashioned Miss Mystic Falls pageant can save this episode from its terrible plotlines.

Elena fails to die at Wickery Bridge for the third time.

I hope the Mystic Grill has restaurantmobile insurance.

Now they at the frat party, having a great time.

Despite all her rage, Elena is still just a rat in a cage.

Claire and Beth share their most memorable puking stories in solidarity with Elena, who's not having a great day.

More like "Growing Fangs" am I right?

Season three comes to a close (and it only took us 3 years and 11 months to get through it)!

A very special episode about what NOT to do right after having multiple pints of blood removed from your body.

In which Rebekah is once again prevented from attending a school dance.

Stefan and Alaric's dark sides have a play date, and Elena gets very horny in Denver.

In which there's definitely more than one murder.

Alaric woke up on the evil side of the bed, and Damon orchestrates the least sexy threesome of all time.

The serial killer plotline comes to a head in the most convoluted way possible, and we flash back to a not-very-interesting Mystic Falls, 1912.

Esther wants to murder All Her Children and only Elena cares enough to try to stop her.

The Originals throw a lavish ball, but horses steal the show.

Five resurrections, four stabbings and one death: just another typical week in Mystic Falls!

Jeremy's gone, but Bill Forbes is back to take his place at the top of our shit list.

We're back after a lengthy hiatus to talk about Wickery Bridge and pizza bagels.

Elena hasn't been this worried about Jeremy since he was smoking the weed.

The gang's latest "Let's kill Klaus!" plan breaks the record for most double-crosses.

In which we learn that Mikael was the Original Douchebag.

Welcome back, Lexi! Welcome back, Uncle Mason! WELCOME BACK, DRUNK GRANDMA!!!!!!!

It's the first day of Senior Year and only two people get stabbed!

Klaus crashes Senior Prank Night and Matt manages to come up with an idiotic plan that even Elena couldn't rival.

Everybody wants Elena's ugly-ass necklace and Alaric takes a major tumble in our list of favorite characters.

A better title for this episode would have been Nik and Stefan's Infinite Slaylist.

Elena out-dumbs herself while Matt and Jeremy embark on a ghost adventure.

Elena's 18th birthday is more crappy than happy.

S02E22: As I Lay Dying by The Vampire Diaries Diaries

Everybody is clamoring to be Aunt Jenna's understudy in Klaus's ritual.

The sacrifice is tonight so naturally Stefan forces Elena to hike up a mountain.

Let's give a warm welcome to Niklaus 1492 and his terrible wig!

AlarKlaus is not a very good Decade Dance chaperone.

There's a lot of backstabbing, but this time it's figurative.

Astral projection and flamethrowers don't mix well.

No dinner party is complete without at least two surprise stabbings.

Stefan and Elena's romantic weekend getaway ends up a bit more murdery than they expected.

Our previous guests Rose and Mike join us for a holiday recap of Jack Frost, aka the movie where Michael Keaton turns into a snowman.

Never go with a werewolf to a second location.

Rose isn't feeling very well.

Tyler turns into both a werewolf and a sympathetic character for the first time.

Everybody has their own plan for evading Klaus and they're all terrible.

Goodbye Katherine 1864, hello Katerina 1490!

We find out why you should never enter into a slap bet with a vampire, and VERY special guest Chuck Tingle calls in for a quick chat about love, and the dangers of going home with handsome vampires.

Everybody's trying to kill Katherine, and Beth and Claire get real during Why Are Men.

Who gets stabbed in the Gilbert kitchen this week? Listen to find out!

Uncle Mason has lost his chill.

This week's episode brought to you by Goldfrapp.

♫ I see a bad moon rising / I see Uncle Mason on the way / I see crossbows a-firing / I see Matt Donovan acting like a shitbag again today / Don't go round the old Lockwood ruins tonight / It's bound to take your life / There's a bad moon on the rise ♫

One of the Salvatore brothers' stupidest plans doesn't end very well for a carnie, and the Lockwood family may all be spidermen.

Katherine's back and in the mood for stabbing!

It's finally Founder's Day and everybody wants to murder each other.

Elena meets her birth mom and Beth and Claire reveal their drag names.

Stefan is feeling his Angel fantasy while Uncle John Gilbert makes a play for the title of Worst Character.

Nothing like a pageant to serve as a backdrop for a man's addiction storyline...

Much like Stefan, we had a little trouble keeping things under control this week. We blame special guest Rose.

In which one of the men gets kidnapped for once.

Pro tip: going on a double date with your new boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend is not a great idea.

You would have to be nuts to pay genuine American currency to spend time with any man in Mystic Falls, and yet this week we visit the Founder's Bachelor Auction.

Can these crazy kids finally get that damn tomb open?

Journey back to 1864 with us and ponder such topics as "How uncomfortable is sex in a corset?"

Even ordering pizza is dangerous in Mystic Falls.

Elena and Bonnie go on separate but equally fun field trips, and special guest Mike gives a male perspective on why men are.

Career Night goes about as well as any event in Mystic Falls.

Move over Katherine, Emily 1864 is in the house!

Stefan has a really nice 162nd birthday.

In which we ponder the important questions, like "Do vampires get periods?"

WELCOME TO 1864 Y'ALL

This week on The Vampire Diaries: dungeons, graveyard parties and car washes all end really well for everybody.

Can The Vampire Diaries make us care about pocketwatches and ugly crystals?

It's like Friday Night Lights but with more murder.

This week on The Vampire Diaries Diaries: pointless comets, gaping neck wounds and candle metaphors.

In which Claire and Beth introduce themselves and talk about the pilot episode of The Vampire Diaries.