Relationships GPS

In this episode, we have a special guest, Dr Jim Van Allan and we are discussing all types of communication: with your partner, in conflict, with your friends, your kids but mostly with yourself.

You can find him here:https://jimvanallan.com/

If you have any feedback please send us an email at relationshipgps2020@gmail.com

Take care, 

A&M

@relatiopnshipsgps

How do we expect women to be? 

How our family raised us, how the TV is telling us we should be and what we really want?

An honest conversation about woman's body, porn and desire.

Get in touch with us on Instagram or email: relationshipgps2020@gmail.com

Take care, 

A&M

@relationshipsGPS

We are back! We were very busy planning the next year so stay tuned!

We are eager to share our vision about gender roles and in this episode, we started with men. How much we are expecting from them, how much pressure they feel from us and what they can do.

This is an honest conversation where we are sharing our opinions and we invite you to share yours. Our e-mail address is relationshipgps@gmail.com

Take care,

Anna & Madalina

What you think every day about yourself matter and can define your personality. How harsh you are with yourself or how kind will difference on your self-esteem and how you present into the world. Be kind to yourself, be your best friend.

More about Maria Peer: https://www.youtube.com/user/MarisaPeer1

Please share your experience and your comments below.

Take care,

A&M

Follow us on Instagram @relationshipsgps email us at relatinshipsgps2020@gmail.com

Into Olivia O’Brien- Love myself

Generation childless: Britain is nearly top of the world table for women over 40 who haven't had children. Figures show that at the age of 45, 18 per cent of British women are childless. 

What are the reasons? Finance? Choice? Social pressure? 

Let's have an open conversation.   

Take care, 

A&M 

Follow us on Instagram @relationshipsgps

In this episode, we talk about sex, how much, how little, what it means and how to keep it alive.

Follow us on Instagram @relationshipsgps

Take care, 

Anna & Madalina

Breaking up with someone you love is never easy. Letting go of the one you love — especially after months or even years of accumulating treasured memories — can feel like tearing yourself in two. But when enough is enough? 

Take care, A&M 

Follow us on Instagram @relationshipsgps

We have learned to love from our caregivers, from people that were close to us when we were babies. Without conscious purpose to change this we will maintain the same style maybe for the rest of our life. In some cases, can be influenced by other people or by impactful events.

Either we want too much love (anxious preoccupied style) either we want to little (avoidant style) or we are confused (fearful avoidant style) we should all aim for a balance (secure style).

By paying attention to how we love we can understand the patterns that we are following, and we can adjust the outcome.

To find out your style, here is a test: https://dianepooleheller.com/attachment-test/

The book that changed our perspective: https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=_O0oDwAAQBAJ&dq=attachment+amir+levine&hl=en&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiqr_6VzbjrAhXMYMAKHfb3AzMQ6AEwAHoECAEQAg

More about attachment: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2s9ACDMcpjA

Please share your experience and your comments below.

Take care,

A&M

Follow us on Instagram @relationshipsgps

To cheat or not to cheat. 

Listen until the end to find out our opinion about it.  

1 What is cheating? When cheating starts; the thought, flirting, kissing, sex, falling in love  

- sexual infidelity (sexual exchange with Infidelity no romantic involvement)

- romantic infidelity (romantic exchanges with no sexual involvement) and Is it possible? 

- sexual and romantic involvement  

2 Why do we cheat? The 3 phases of falling in love: sexual arousal, romantic love, attachment- long term commitment.

8 main reasons: lack of love/ disconnection, sex, neglect, situation, variety, level of commitment (open relationships), esteem, angry https://www.today.com/health/infidelity-8-reasons-why-people-cheat-become-unfaithful-t121512

3 What to do if you got cheated? Do you forgive and grow? Can it make a couple stronger?  Do you break the deal? Do you break that deal and start a new one?  

4 What to do if you cheated? Deciding your reason (avoiding going deeper in the relationship, missing something, addiction to dopamine)  

Take care,  

Anna & Madalina   

Helen Fisher talk: https://www.ted.com/talks/helen_fisher_why_we_love_why_we_cheat?language=en 

Esther Perel talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2AUat93a8Q&list=PLtV-Ha5RGI_iCEKvbBCSTlNS1l7tXe_lV&index=6&t=0s 

Follow us on Instagram: @relationshipsgps

We are talking about one of the most sensitive subjects for us: marriage.

Wanting to get married and wanting to follow the social script didn’t end up well for us. Stay tuned until the end of the episode to find out why.

Please share your experience and your comments below.

Take care,

A&M

This is a continuation of the last episode; toxic relationship and we would like to discuss the most subtle ones:

· Gaslighting is a tactic in which a person or entity, in order to gain more power, makes a victim question their reality.

They tell blatant lies. They deny they ever said something, even though you have proof. Flipping things back Blame shifting -The person doing the gaslighting or blame-shifting is actually more interested in feeling powerful or in control (and the buzz that comes with it) than they are emotionally connected to their target

· Forgetfulness a way of manipulation

· Controlling behaviour

·  Helpfulness

·  Protectiveness

· Not invested in the relationship with you.

· In relationships with others? Cheat with you - cheat on you

Take care,

A&M

Today we will talk about red flags in a relationship. In the last episode, we discussed communicating your needs. Check that episode too.

We will continue on the theme of needs, and situations when are not meet:

Confusing situations:

Invalidating your feelings:

They don’t facture you in:

Invalidating your needs

Belittle you and putting you down

This is the end of part 1 in the next episode we will continue with the list.

This is a continuation of the last episode, we discovered how we express our love and now we will see how it is in action.

First of all, we need to understand that humans are motivated by needs. We have a bunch of needs that we are trying to meet in order to feel comfortable. Actually, our needs are endless and are the main drive to move forward in life. These needs are also stimulated and sometimes created by the external world, society, advertising, influencers.

There are different ways to classify those needs the most known one is by Maslow: physiological need, safety needs, belonging needs, self-esteem and self-actualization. Check the link for more details - https://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html

In our interactions, we are always trying to meet one of these needs and we should always try to think about other’s needs too. We do not do something if we are not motivated by needs - motivation is our main drive. Even when we do charity, we are driven by the need to belong to a community, to contribute.

This is truer when we are in romantic relationships. Our partners are the ones that are meeting, or they should meet, most to our important needs - bonding, attachment, intimacy, acceptance, validation sometimes even safety. The bridge between our needs and satisfaction, between our interior world and exterior, is made by communication.

The 1 million dollar question here is: how we communicate our needs in order to be fulfilled - to be understood.

Be aware of your needs-  your needs are valid, and they matter, try to listen to your body and you will find out what you need. It is not an easy job if you are insecure and a people pleaser, but self-observation, journaling and meditation help. Find good timing/ place/ emotional state -you cannot communicate efficiently if you are: hungry, sleeping, anxious, scared, in pain, irritated.  Say it honestly, factually and objectively- “I need …(your very specific need). Can you help me?” Be prepared for an open conversation and possible No- do not react negatively, encourage your partner to say no, otherwise they will react from fear, not from the heart.  It is always a two-way street. Tell if you are feeling vulnerable -it is ok, and it helps. Have such conversation on a regular base and in time (do not delay it for months after the situation) - the fresher - the better. Accept that other people can/ will meet your needs, not only your partner- friends, support group, therapist, community, the local church, sports club, hobby group. We need more than one human being to be satisfied in our life, and we also need another connection that our partner cannot give. If we expect everything from one person,  we will overwhelm them and put a lot of weight on the relationship too.

Take care,

A&M

Today we will talk about the love languages and communication In the last episode, we discussed on the first date and what is important to clarify

Love languages: how do you express your love and how you like to receive it. Gary Clapham discovered 5 love languages.

Words of affirmation
Touch
Act of service
Gifts
Quality time

Understanding how your partner wants to express his/her love is crucial, understand his way of talking to you too.

The first date is one of the important moments in your relationship because this is the point you choose. So, choose wisely.

I remember the news from a few years ago that a man asked for money for the coffee that he bought after his tinder date refused to date him again. We are talking about £3.50. From the article sounded that the guy was tight with money.

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/11990835/Man-asks-for-coffee-money-back-after-being-rejected-for-a-second-date.html

Have you ever wondered why you get stuck in the same spot in every relationship no matter how many partners you change? I did. And the answer is I always choose the same guy- I am following a pattern

It is painful to recognise it, but it is true.

For those like me, please do not trust your gut feelings. You will feel immediately in your guts, but you feel agitated by someone it is not a good sign. Sounds contra Intuitive but keep in mind that the gut feelings made you choose before. The answer is to take it slowly and not get infatuated with the first person you date and try to give a second chance to people that are nice but a don’t give you butterflies. Try to be curious on other types on people

A note from the attachment point of view especially for the anxious people, it is very important to choose a person that will meet your specific needs: closeness, togetherness and warmth as normally we would go for avoidant partners that will give us the opposite.

Anxious people- those who want closeness, how would move with their partner after 2 months or maybe 2 weeks, those who think of a perfect weekend 48 hours or 72 cuddlings the whole time, or gazing in each other eyes you have to say communicate it - don’t put yourself into misery.

If the answer is “wow that sounds intense.... I would never spend that much time with one person” or “Friday I always go out with my team; Saturday is gym day and Sunday I have dinner with my mum” then you should walk away. I am not saying that people should not have priorities I am saying you should be their priority. If you are treated less than royalty, then it is not your thing.

There are no wrong people only wrong combinations and different needs.

The link for the book that inspires us: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Attached-Anxious-Avoidant-science-attachment/dp/1529032172/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2WPTSLG5KRD5X&dchild=1&keywords=attached+amir+levine&qid=1594213088&sprefix=attached+%2Caps%2C149&sr=8-1

Take care

A&M

Dating is hard but so do relationships.

The most important moment in a relationship starts with choosing your partner. We spend so much time choosing our career, our universities, even a car but when it comes to partners, we go blindly, and we date the first person that swipes right on dating apps. Some people like to think that love should be natural and spontaneous, destiny or God’s will, but these are social scripts. What we consider natural is also socially constructed- we learn from society what we need to do: fall in love by chance, get engaged, get married and live happily ever after.

It looks like a shopping list, right?  So just a quick reminder life may surprise you and will unfold differently. There is no timeline for us, everyone’s journey is very individual.

The first step in dating?

KNOW YOURSELF – take a pen and paper and write down your needs and your values.

Think of past relationships.

What went wrong?

Why?

How did you react?

What did you appreciate and what not?

Think of happy couples around you.

What do you like about them?

What would you like to have that they have?

From your list think of what is the top priority for you- 3-5 values that you are strict about it. These would be your breaking deals, points that you are not willing to compromise.

In our relationships, we had clashing values on money and how we spend them, closeness, and common hobbies.

Conclusion, choose a partner that:

1) understand your needs and accepts who you are

2) is interested in you as a person and things that you do

3)  supports you physically and emotionally

For more information & inspiration, please follow us on Instagram @RelationshipsGPS

Feel free to get in touch by email: relationshipGPS2020@gmail.com 

Take care,

A&M 

Intro: Rodrigo Serai- voice over and jingle

Today we will talk about how to get into a relationship and the number one step we all should be taking is to look into a mindset so let's start with ourselves and be that right person! We will be covering everything from self-esteem to social pressure, how to dive in and understand where you stand and what you can do about it.  

For more information & inspiration, please follow us on Instagram @RelationshipsGPS 

Feel free to get in touch by email: relationshipGPS2020@gmail.com   

Take care, A&M  

Intro: Rodrigo Serai- voice over and jingle

Being lonely is a pandemic that hits all of us. A Cigna survey revealed that nearly half of Americans always or sometimes feel alone (46%) or left out (47%). Loneliness isn’t just a U.S. phenomenon. In a nationwide survey released in October from the BBC, a third of Britons said that they often or very often feel lonely. For us, loneliness is a feeling of disconnection and isolation. Staying present, emotionally and intellectually available is creating the connection that we all crave for. But what if you are feeling lonely next to the one you love? What if you are married to that person? Is this an emotional pain bigger than when you are single? We discuss how it feels for an anxious preoccupied attached person to be in a relationship with an avoidant attached partner. 

If you do not know your attachment style take a quick quiz here: https://dianepooleheller.com/attachment-test/ 

To find out more the 4 attachments styles here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2s9ACDMcpjA 

For more information & inspiration, please follow us on Instagram @RelationshipsGPS Feel free to get in touch by email: relationshipGPS2020@gmail.com 

Take care, A&M 

Intro: Rodrigo Serai- voice over and jingle

We are Anna & Madalina 

We have a great interest in psychology, personal development and relationships. Combined with a lot of personal experience (everything from deep life-changing love, toxic relationships, marriage & divorce to building yourself back from the dust & living your best life) we decided to start this podcast to share our stories and knowledge with you. We sincerely believe it will inspire, help and guide you. 

Relationships GPS - an honest conversation on navigating relationships, love and intimacy. 

We believe ordinary people have extraordinary lives and stories so please feel free to get in touch and share with us your thoughts or maybe to become a guest. 

Please follow us on Instagram at @RepationshipsGPS for daily inspirations, tons of free resources and more.