UnF*ck Your Brain

As a historically patriarchal institution, marriages of the past benefited the man far more than the woman. A man and woman became one legal entity, but the woman was essentially absorbed by her husband — she couldn’t hold a profession or make legal decisions for herself. She existed for procreation and unpaid labor. So what happens when despite knowing all of the statistics and all of the history, you think you still might want to get married? In part 2 of this series about my engagement, I focus on the decision to get married as it relates to socialization, why we can’t completely desocialize our brains, and why sometimes you just have to live with ambiguity and ambivalence.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/307

Most coaching certification and therapy programs don’t teach how to look at socialization and the way it impacts women’s brains and the way they think about themselves in the world. So I’ve created a brand new, free private podcast called How to Coach Like a Feminist: Adding A Feminist Lens to Coaching or Cognitive-Based Therapy.

In this limited series starting September 18, you’ll learn about marketing and selling, the client/coach relationship, how to set your client goals, the feminist coaching lens, and more. If you want to learn how adding a feminist lens to your work can completely change your coaching, text your email address to +1 347 997 1784 and enter the keyword COACH when prompted or visit unfuckyourbrain.com/coach. 

We're socialized to believe that the way other people act is about us. Women are socialized to want big romantic gestures from men, which they then equate to how much the man loves them, which equates to how valuable they are as a woman. Newsflash: Other people’s behavior is not actually about you.

Tune in this week to find out why our expectations of how we want other people to behave (in all sorts of contexts) are influenced by our behavior, how engagements and the expectations that go along with them are a microcosm of where we’re at in society today, and why elaborate engagements make less sense in today’s society than they did in the past.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/306

This week I’m joined by Executive Coach and Advanced Certification in Feminist Coaching grad Jamie Lee as we discuss how to ask for and advocate for what you want in your professional life (and all parts of your life). Tune in to learn about the “outside the performance review network” that’s important to getting ahead, the 3-step framework for advocating for whatever it is you want in your professional life, and how to interrupt the unintentional thought patterns that are holding you back.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/305

The things you do and the choices you make —the direction in which your “life GPS” is set — determine the outcomes in your life. So if there’s an area in your life where you aren’t happy with the outcomes you’ve been getting or you feel bad about them, you may need to check what your GPS is set to. Tune in to this week’s podcast to learn how to make sure your GPS is set to a destination that you can actually reach, why your destination doesn’t have to be a concrete goal, and what you’ll need to do to reach your destination. 

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/304

Nearly all of us will experience a breakup at some point in our lives (if we haven’t already). No matter how or why the relationship ends, it’s what we choose to do once that relationship is over, that really matters. This week on the podcast, fellow coach Ali Ryan is joining me to talk about using thought work to navigate breakups, divorce, and separation. We’ll discuss how breakups can be a tool for transformation, why the relationship with yourself may be the most important when you’re going through a breakup, and what you gain from being willing to have a happy ending, even though the relationship is over.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/303

Vacations. Most of us can’t wait to get away and just chill out. You might imagine yourself in a gorgeous location, eating delicious food, seeing beautiful sights, lounging by the pool or at the beach, feeling rested and happy. Or maybe you find yourself dreading it because you’re already counting the things that are sure to go wrong. So, how can you prepare for the disappointment that may come with a perfectionist fantasy like scenario one? And how can you avoid letting difficult or frustrating circumstances, like scenario two, ruin your entire trip? Tune in this week to find out how you can enjoy your vacation no matter what happens.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/302

Every one of us has received social messages not only about how we should spend our time, but also what kind of morality is attached to how we spend it. Women have an added layer of time socialization on top of this, because we’re socialized to believe that we exist for the purpose of doing things for others. It’s no wonder many women in today’s world feel like they never have enough time.

This week I’m having a conversation about women and time with the host of the Feminist Time, Productivity, & Rest podcast, Vikki Louise. We discuss why waking up one hour early isn’t going to solve your time problems, how the existing time structure was not created with women in mind, and how your thoughts can be the biggest time suck.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/301

Fun, joy, and pleasure should come naturally to us, right? But if your brain is anything like mine, they may not come that easily. Patriarchy and our socialization can make pleasure, joy, and relaxation hard to access, and these are things that I really want us all to experience more of this summer.

This August inside the Clutch, we’re hosting Feminist Summer School where we’ll have special bonus trainings and challenges focused on fun, joy, and pleasure from a feminist thought work perspective. If you want to join in the fun, you have to join the Clutch by July 31. Text your email address to +1 347 934 8861 or visit unfuckyourbrain.com/summer to join us.

There’s too much goodness inside the Clutch to contain it to just one episode, so here comes Part Two! Here’s your chance to get a look inside my feminist monthly coaching program. In Part Two of this episode, I’ll share about the power of coaching – especially one-on-one coaching – and you’ll find out why it’s ok to need support, how you can regulate your nervous system when your anxiety is high, and how you can join the amazing Clutch community.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/300.5

Whether you’re a new listener and unsure what the Clutch even is or you’re a long-time listener who’s always been curious about the Clutch, here’s your chance to get a look inside my feminist monthly coaching program. In Part One of this episode, I’ll share what led me to become a life coach, the Clutch Community Manager will tell you about all the goodness inside the member’s only Clutch site, and our Clutch Coaches will break down some of their favorite resources that are included in the Clutch.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/300

This week I’m joined by EbonyJanice, author of All the Black Girls are Activists. Tune in as we discuss how to reclaim authority over your own life, how doing the work to show up as your true self is a political act, why wellness culture and the idea of a “soft life” can be misleading, why your inner guard dog may sound different than you think, and more.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/299

As women and people socialized as women, we’re often making decisions from an emotional place, deciding what to do based on whether doing it or not is going to make us feel worse, aka ashamed or guilty — two emotional states that we’ve been taught to avoid. Tune in to find out why guilt and shame are not moral truths of the universe (and what they actually are), and how deciding what to think and feel on purpose will help you lead a life that’s aligned with your values.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/298

Do you ever wish you could just SEE what’s inside the Clutch? What kind of resources and support are available to help you blow your own mind and create the kind of life you’ve always dreamed of? Then, come to Clutch Open House on July 20! At both 11am ET and 6pm ET, you’ll get a behind-the-scenes look inside the Clutch. Meet the Clutch Coaches and our Community Manager, get a site tour, watch live coaching, and be entered for a chance to win our giveaway!

Text your email address to +1 347 997 1784 and use code word OPEN when prompted, or visit unfuckyourbrain.com/open to register for the time that works best for you!

Oftentimes the thoughts we think aren’t what’s most important; it’s our reaction to them that really matters. This week I’ll discuss why the way you react to your thoughts can be more important than the thoughts themselves, how your reaction may make your emotional experience worse, and how cognitive dissonance between your new thoughts and your old thoughts can actually work in your favor.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/297

Many of us feel stuck when we experience the discomfort of anxiety. But ironically, it’s not the anxiety itself that keeps us stuck, it’s what we do when we’re anxious that keeps us in the cycle of anxiety and inaction — aka psychological avoidance. This week on the podcast we’re digging deep into the brain with Dr. Luana Marques, professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and author of Bold Move. We’ll discuss the three skills you can use to move through psychological avoidance, why aligning with our values can be difficult for women because of the way we were socialized, and how to know if you’re thinking clearly or if your brain has been hijacked by your amygdala.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/296

The way you think about how you were raised, especially if there were certain things you didn’t like about your caregivers’ behavior, can have a big impact on you in adulthood — whether you’re a parent or not. This week on the podcast I discuss the unintended consequences of basing your self-worth as a parent on being different than your parents were, how demonizing characteristics of your caregivers inevitably leads you to demonizing parts of yourself, and what the underlying solution is to these problems.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/295

Things are going to get a little hot and steamy this week as I talk sex with Dr. Emily Morse, host of the Sex with Emily podcast. We discuss why many women are not having the pleasurable fulfilling sex lives they want to. Listen in to find out what a sex IQ is, why sex should be part of your overall wellness plan, and how getting to know yourself can lead to better sex.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/294

Tune in to this episode as I answer some questions about boundaries, breakups, and relationships. You’ll find out how you might be thinking about boundaries the wrong way, why enjoying your own company has nothing to do with wanting to be in a relationship, and why you can’t rush through the emotional process after a breakup.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/293

Now that we know how and why we criticize others (and ourselves), what can we do to stop being so critical (if we decide we want to)? In this podcast episode, I’ll teach you some thoughts you can use to work through being critical, how to check in with your motivation behind your critique, how to redirect your thoughts about a specific person or thing, and general techniques you can use to stop being so critical.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/292

Being critical of other people is something that many of us do so often that we may not even realize we’re doing it. And not only do we criticize others, we often (maybe even constantly) criticize ourselves. But why do we do it? Tune in to find out what criticism is and understand why we do it, the good reasons why your brain may default to being critical, and how criticism has more to do with you than the other person.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/291

Adults are being diagnosed with ADHD more and more these days. And receiving the diagnosis alone is helping many folks make sense of certain behaviors they have that have always been a bit quirky. But for some, a diagnosis of ADHD can also bring up feelings that are difficult to navigate.

This week I’m joined by life coach and host of the I Have ADHD podcast, Kristen Carder, for a conversation about thought work and neurodivergent brains. We discuss why ebbing and flowing may be better than consistency, why lack of motivation is not a problem, and how to support yourself or any neurodivergent person in your life.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/290

There is a difference in how I feel about loving my partner and how he feels about loving me. And recently, while trying to work on creating more feelings of bliss for myself in our relationship, I realized that my socialization as a woman was affecting the way that I approached loving my partner. And this socialization doesn’t just affect romantic relationships, it can affect your platonic relationships as well. Tune in to find out the difference between loving someone else and being loved, which feels better, and how you can create more feelings of bliss in all your relationships.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/289

Welcome to UnF*ck Your Brain! This podcast teaches you concrete, effective, mind-blowing tools that you can use to reduce anxiety, improve your productivity, dial-up your self-confidence, and dial down your insecurity and people-pleasing. I’m Kara Loewentheil, a master certified life coach with degrees from Harvard and Yale – and a former high-powered career working for women’s rights. I’ve taken all the best neuroscience, evolutionary psychology, and coaching tools I know and combined them with feminist theory to create a set of powerful practices and life-changing ideas that will teach you how to liberate yourself from the inside out. You can be the strong, empowered, confident woman you’ve always wanted to be – you just have to learn how to clear away all the negative self-talk and messages from the patriarchy that are keeping you small. So let’s not sit here just talking about it – because I’m all about teaching you how to take smart action! You can start anywhere you like, every episode stands alone – just scroll and find a topic that calls you, and hit play. Join the feminist mindset revolution - your life will never be the same.

We’ve all experienced loss and grief at some point in our lives. And while we may hear that there’s a set number of steps to go through or a timeline to follow, grief doesn’t really ever end. But, you do get to decide who you want to be after the loss. I’m joined by Krista St-Germain, Master Certified Coach and host of The Widowed Mom Podcast, this week on the podcast as we discuss how the socialization of women in our society affects the way that we grieve, what post-traumatic growth is (and how not to use it against yourself), and how you can get over the grief plateau and learn to be truly happy again.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/288

As humans, logic and reason reassure us that something could or could not work — they help us make sense of what we perceive as possible. But logic and reason can only take us so far. They alone will never be able to convince us to do something we’ve never done before. Where logic and reason run out, that’s the point where we have to decide to take a leap of faith (or not).

Tune in to this week’s episode to find out why a leap of faith may be the missing piece for you to create meaningful change in your life, the role tolerating risk plays in making changes, and why feeling anxious about making a change doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a bad idea.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/287

Today is my birthday! It’s a day I love for all the obvious reasons, but it’s also a time when I love to reflect and take stock of my life and how it’s changed over the past year – and there has certainly been a lot of change in the last year! It didn’t happen all at once. But little bits of change over time have added up to massive shifts. And that’s the process I teach you in the Clutch, my monthly feminist coaching program. We only open a few times a year and we’re open now through Tuesday, May 2nd. Text your email address to +1.347.934.8861 (no code word needed) or visit unfuckyourbrain.com/clutch to join today.

Is there an alternate version of your life that you fantasized about having, that you didn’t get to experience? When we don’t let ourselves grieve or acknowledge those fantasies that we left behind, it can sometimes cause us to get stuck or be unable to make decisions and move forward in our lives. Tune in to this week’s episode to find out what I mean by grieving a life you won’t live, how to do it, and why feeling regret doesn’t mean you made the wrong decision.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/286

We might call massages, face masks, and shopping sprees self-care, but often they’re really just illusions of self-care. It looks like we’re doing these things to take care of ourselves but we never really address the core issue of what’s causing the stress. True self-care gets to the root of the problem and tackles it head on. And when you truly start taking care of yourself, that’s when you start seeing big changes in your life. This week I’m joined by Dr. Pooja Lakshmin. We discuss what real self-care is, how to be proactive instead of reactive with your self-care, and how true self-care is a revolutionary movement.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/285

As women and people socialized as women, we have literally been taught to NOT trust ourselves. We’re bombarded with messages that tell us we aren’t capable of making sound decisions, or of even knowing what’s best for ourselves. This messaging causes us to seek out answers from literally anyone who’s not us and constantly second-guess ourselves. The Stop Second-Guessing Yourself Challenge can help you change that and it’s happening April 17-21. Text your email address to +1 347 997 1784 and respond with code word TRUST when prompted to get all the info you need to register. 

For more information visit https://unfuckyourbrain.com/trust

Some of us are second-guessing ourselves all the time and don’t even realize it — especially women, because we’re actually taught to think this way. We’re taught that we don’t have the authority to make the right decisions — that we don’t know what’s best, not even for ourselves. If you struggle to make a decision, tune in to find out the 3 different types of second-guessing, what happens when we do it, and why it’s such a problem.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/284

Perfectionism is everywhere, it’s sneaky. And this week I want to talk about a little thing I like to call wellness perfectionism. No matter what tips, tools, and tricks we know for regulating our minds (and nervous systems) there’s no way for us to avoid having the human experience. This week I discuss what wellness perfectionism is, how you can see it showing up in your life, and how not to use wellness against yourself.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/283

Money can bring up a lot of tricky feelings - especially for women. But no matter where you are in your money story, here’s the good news: you can rewrite it if you choose. Join me, and money speaker and educator Tori Dunlap, in this episode as we explore our money mindsets and the social conditioning that comes along with them. We talk financial feminism, learning to navigate living in a capitalist society while doing the least harm, and common misconceptions about investing.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/282

This week I tackle listener questions including whether or not everything that happens to you is your fault because of your thoughts, how to coach yourself through anger, the right questions to ask yourself when self-coaching and more (including my thoughts about pineapple on pizza).

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/281

When you have goals and aspirations it’s normal to look for someone that can help you reach them. Having a mentor to help guide you can be a great thing. But sometimes as mentees, we put our mentors up on a pedestal. And when we believe our mentors —and not ourselves — have the answer to our success, we strip ourselves of our own authority and power. The same thing goes for coaches.

Tune in to learn how to take the hierarchy out of your mentor and coaching relationships and how the most important mentorship relationship is the one you have with yourself. 

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/280

What if there were one question you could ask yourself that immediately put you in touch with your highest priorities, your deepest values, and how you want to live in the world? In this episode, you will learn the question I ask myself to instantly gain perspective and clarity on what matters most to me. Tune in to learn how this question can change your life, too.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/279

Whether we’re at the top of a corporation, running our own business, or working as an employee, we’ll often find a million different ways to outsource our leadership to others. But if we can do the hard work of learning to trust ourselves as the ultimate authority over our own lives, that’s where the magic happens.

This week I’m joined by online business legend, Amy Porterfield. Tune is as we dismantle some of the myths about starting your own business and discuss developing a CEO mindset, how socialization affects female entrepreneurs in particular, and the biggest mistake Amy made in her first year of business (so you can avoid it too - whether you have a business or not).

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/278

I am Jewish, but I don’t consider myself to be particularly religious or spiritual. I know that may seem strange or like there’s a disconnect there, but Judaism is more than just a religion. So it doesn’t fit into the westernized ideal of what a religion is or should look like. This week on the podcast I share three ways Judaism has shaped my work in the world and I take a look at how the things that you learn as part of being in a religious community or any other kind of community impact how you think about the world.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/277

Emotional growth doesn’t always feel great. But it doesn’t have to feel terrible, either. You get to choose whether or not you put the time and energy into changing a certain aspect of your life. The key is being able to recognize the difference between giving up on something because you think it’s too hard, and choosing to pursue something else that is more interesting and important to you. This week we’ll revisit a very important topic: How to know when emotional difficulty is worth it. I’ll teach you why the hardest things are not always the most worthwhile.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/276

I truly believe self-love is the antidote to a lot of our self-created mental and emotional suffering — life sucks when you’re going through it hating yourself — but self-love is also often misunderstood. Tune in this week as I break down three common myths about self love. I’ll talk about why self-love is not selfish (and what it really is), how self-love will not get rid of all of your negative thoughts about yourself, and why self-love is a journey, not a destination.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/275

No matter how much love you do or do not feel on February 14, Valentine’s Day is just a made up ‘holiday.’ Yet we’ve been socialized to believe that a woman’s worth is dependent on having a certain type of romantic relationship. This week on the podcast I’m going to break down some common misconceptions about love. Join me as I discuss why love is not a state of being you simply arrive at, the real reason why you do (or don’t) feel loved, and why we think that love is an obligation.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/274

The workplace can be challenging for a lot of people, but women and those socialized as women face a further set of challenges. This week on the podcast I’m joined by Jenn Deal, Annie Framand, and Jamie Lee (three of my Advanced Certification in Feminist Coaching students) to discuss what ambition is and why women have trouble identifying with it, how to advocate for yourself in the workplace, and the right way to negotiate.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/273

This week on the podcast, I’m joined by three of my Advanced Certification in Feminist Coaching students, Deb Malkin, Jill Angie, and Sarah Shiozawa as we discuss exercise — its risks, rewards, and morality. Tune is as we offer our definitions of exercise, unpack the “why” behind our exercising, and discuss the power of choosing for yourself what you do with your body.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/272

I hear from clients all the time how hard it is to build new friendships in adulthood. But is that actually true? Or are we making that be true by holding onto outdated beliefs about friendship? If you desire more friendships in your life, you won’t want to miss my discussion with Dr. Marisa G. Franco. Tune into this week’s episode as Dr. Franco and I discuss how outdated ideas about friendship can make it harder to form new ones in adulthood, how looking to friends to make you feel good about yourself can be a recipe for disaster, and the role that romance plays in friendships.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/271

I like to call this the most delusional time of the year because many of us use this time to make goals and resolutions for the coming year that are completely unrealistic for the people we are right now. No wonder many resolutions go unfulfilled; our goals are out of touch with reality. Tune in to this week’s podcast episode to learn one simple concept that will change your habit-making life, how this concept can keep your goal alive even when all hell breaks loose, and how you can tell whether or not your goal is really just a fantasy you’re chasing.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/270

I love the way I dress, but lately I feel like there’s been some disconnect in my style. I’ve changed, and so has my business, and I want my style to evolve as well. But I found myself not really knowing how to get my outward style to match my inward expression and where I’m at currently in my life.

Tune in as one of my friends and style coach, Judith Gaton, helps me hone my style and we discuss how to mesh different aspects of your personality into your style, how you can use your thoughts and your style to create the person you want to be, and how it’s never really about the clothes — it’s your thoughts about yourself in them.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/269

This week on the podcast, I’m joined by three of my Advanced Certification in Feminist Coaching students, Sade Curry, Candice Toone, and Karen C.L. Anderson as we break down how patriarchal conditioning affects the way our mothers parent us. Tune is as we discuss mothers and mothering, how socialization impacts what we expect from mothers, and what work you can do (even on your own) to repair a mother or parental relationship in your life.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/268

Why is it so hard for us to believe that we’re the authority? It’s because as women, we were socialized to think that way (shocking, right?) — to feel like we’re not quite adults and we’re just faking it till we make it. In this special podcast episode, you’ll hear an interview I did with Sarah Nicole on The Papaya Podcast. We’ll discuss how our socialization affects why we don’t see ourselves as adults, how women are taught to believe that our value fluctuates, and the conflict and tension inherent in being a working mom.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/267

How do you treat yourself when you don’t get the result you want? Or when you’re wrong about something? Or when you act in a way that you don’t like? Do you have your own back in these situations or do you make it mean there’s something wrong with you as a person?

Listen in as I discuss the difference between doing wrong and being wrong, how thinking you’re wrong can actually make you less likely to fix what went wrong in the first place, and how shame from being wrong keeps you from going after what you want in life.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/266

We often think romantic relationships have a natural progression, right? You meet the perfect partner, you start dating, and as things get serious you start talking about your future together — which usually involves moving in together, marriage, and maybe even kids. But the truth is, you and your partner always get to decide what your relationship looks like - even if it’s different from society’s expectations. This week on the podcast, in the conclusion of a 2-part series, the Gentleman Consort and I discuss getting to decide what our relationship looks like, how we’ve grown since we began dating, and what we love most about each other.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/265

This week, my partner, the Gentleman Consort (GC for short), is making his podcast debut and you’re going to get a behind-the-scenes peek at our relationship! In part 1 of this 2-part series, we cover the gamut from first impressions and first dates, to the GC’s introduction to thought work, to feeling disappointment in a relationship, to how perfectionism and communication affect your relationships.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/264

Just a few weeks ago we closed out our last Clutch College Live for a while. Over the course of the 3-day, live, in-person and virtual event, minds were blown and breakthroughs were made. A lot of what I coached on had to do with goals — and I want to share some of the amazing takeaways that came out of that weekend.

Tune in to find out the real reason you don’t set goals, what we’re actually afraid of when we’re agonizing over a decision, how to be prepared for the inevitability of your brain offering you an old thought that will not help you reach your goal, and how life is always 50/50, no matter what.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/263

How often do you spend time thinking about what’s possible for you? As women, we’re socialized to make ourselves small and not go after what we really want. That in order to have what we want, we have to suffer for it now to get our ‘reward’ later. But when we surround ourselves with other people who can help us hold space for the larger vision we really want for our lives, that’s when the “impossible” really starts to feel possible. Listen to this special episode to learn why we’re really afraid to imagine what’s possible and how women are changing their lives inside the Clutch. Doors to the Clutch are open now through November 8, 2022. 

Giving yourself permission to want the things you want *and* to go out and get them is one of the most powerful decisions you can make in your life – and it’s also one of the hardest. This week I continue my conversation with my friend and mentor Brooke Castillo where we dive into the feeling of worthiness, why it’s ok to want more than what you have, and how tapping into what you really want helps you show up most powerfully in the world.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/262

I’m extremely proud of all of the work I’ve created as a coach. But if I had to pick one thing I’m most proud of, it just might be the incredible, supportive community I’ve helped create inside the Clutch, my monthly feminist coaching program. New Clutch chickens are always amazed that a community of this size, with this much diversity, is truly showing up to engage in thought work *without* any drama and is working to create whatever results they want in life. Listen to this special episode to hear just a few of the incredible stories of how women and people socialized as women are changing their lives inside the Clutch. Doors to the Clutch are open now through November 8, 2022.  

What does it mean to have authority over your own life? When it comes down to it, having authority looks like having your own back, no matter what happens. This week I’m talking with my mentor, friend, and the person who trained me to be a coach and showed me how to have my own back no matter what, Brooke Castillo. Tune in as we discuss how we define authority, what the ultimate claiming of authority is, and how you can take the first steps toward claiming more authority in your life.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/261

In this bonus episode, I’m giving you a little taste of a brand new collaboration I’ve been working on. I recorded five brand new podcast episodes for Radio Headspace, and I’m releasing the first episode today on the podcast. Tune in to this collaboration with wellness app Headspace as I dive into neuroplasticity, one question you can ask yourself to begin shaking things up inside your brain, the pitfalls of perfectionist thinking, and more.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/bonus-headspace

Women are taught that someone else always knows better than we do. Even in areas where women are stereotypically presumed the authority, like running the household, we’re still constantly told that we don’t know what we’re doing! (Think all of the messaging about how we should parent our children or how we’re doing meal prep all wrong.) Tune in to this week’s podcast episode to find out how this socialization plays out in our lives, what is the most important thought work you can do, and how you can start taking back your authority.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/260

“Maybe this is dumb, but… ,” “I know I shouldn’t feel this way… ,” “Does that make sense?”

These may seem like simple, innocuous words, but they’re just an outward example of the many ways that women and people socialized as women don’t trust their own authority. It’s no wonder that as women we struggle with people pleasing, seeking validation, and not being able to tune into what we really want - we’re literally socialized to do these things.

But from October 24-28 I’m hosting a live training series designed to help you grab your authority back so you can make decisions about your life from a place of empowerment and confidence. Tune in to this special bonus episode to learn more about the Claim Your Authority (AKA Stop Giving a Fuck What Other People Think) Challenge and how you can claim your ticket today.

Click here to learn more.

On this week’s episode of the podcast, I’m going to share what thought work really is, teach you how thought work is more than just working on your thoughts and show you how it encompasses your emotions, values, social conditioning, and more.

Tune in to find out why your body is actually a key part of thought work, learn one crucial aspect of my teaching, and hear why I think there’s no problem that thought work doesn’t help.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/259

This week on the podcast I’m joined by three of my Advanced Certification in Feminist Coaching students, Elizabeth Sherman, Jill Angie, and Karen C.L. Anderson, as we begin to unravel how socialization affects the way women feel in their midlife years.

Tune in as we talk about why midlife is a great time to re-evaluate the relationship you have with yourself and the boundaries you hold with the people in your life, how to not allow your stage in life define your identity, and a better, more empowering alternative to the anti-aging tools society tells midlife women are a necessity.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/258

This week on the podcast I’m joined by one of my Advanced Certification in Feminist Coaching students, Lindsay Poelman, and her husband, Danny, as we discuss what it’s like for men to recognize their own patriarchal socialization.

Tune in as we talk about how patriarchal conditioning is not a zero sum game, how patriarchy can be oppressive to people of all gender identities (not just women), and why the feeling of disempowerment in privileged white men can actually lead to positive change.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/257

Something incredible happens when you introduce intersectional feminism into your coaching - you move from coach to change-maker. And my Advanced Certification in Feminist Coaching student Stephanie illustrates the transformation brilliantly in her ACFC reflection.

Tune in to this special bonus episode to hear how Stephanie’s life and business have transformed as a result of this work. Applications for ACFC are open through October 7.

To register, text your email address to +1-347-997-1784 and use the code word acfc, or click here: unfuckyourbrain.com/acfc

Have you ever wondered when you should manage your mind versus when you should take action? Would you like to know the single question that will get you 90% of where you need to go in a coaching session? Are you curious about what my best piece of business advice is for new business owners?

Tune in to this week’s episode as I answer these and more questions from coaches about business and coaching. You’ll find out why there’s no such thing as knowing your niche, how you can get your clients to take a different perspective, and how to know when to switch from offering 1:1 to group coaching.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/256

In this bonus episode, I dive deep into the perfectionist brain with my friend and coaching colleague, Dr. Katrina Ubell. Tune in to my conversation with Katrina to learn why not all coaching tools work for all brains, how perfectionist thinking can hold us back from reaching (or even setting) our goals and how it keeps us stuck in a cycle of allowing anyone but ourselves to be the authority over our own lives.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/bonus-katrina-ubell

Sometimes, despite our best efforts, our bodies simply don’t work the way we want them to. Maybe it’s an occasional occurrence for you or maybe it’s something you live with every day. We take on all sorts of messages about what health is (and what it’s not), how we get healthy, and how we stay healthy. But is all of the social messaging we absorb really helping us measure health? Or is it something that has been designed and packaged to tell us how to measure our own morality and worth?

Tune into my conversation with two of my students, Deb Malkin and Michelle Kapler, to learn why health is so challenging for so many of us, how we try to control our health, and how (as usual) trying to control something we can’t control, can make everything feel worse. 

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/255

Self-confidence goes by many names - self-love, self-esteem, self-regard. But no matter what you call it, it’s important to dig deep and examine whether yours is conditional or unconditional. When you’re constantly looking to outside factors to feel good about yourself, that’s conditional self-confidence. Conditional self-confidence has a big impact on our relationship with ourselves, but what are the larger implications?

Listen to this week’s podcast episode to learn the impact conditional self-confidence has on the way we seek out security, how it can create unhealthy patterns in our relationships with others, and how you can start cultivating unconditional self-confidence.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/254

Being a first-generation immigrant and experiencing dual socialization (of any kind) profoundly shapes how you experience the world. And that’s exactly what I talk about on the podcast this week with two of the coaches from my Advanced Certification in Feminist Coaching, Ana Lopez and Cris Berlingeri.

Tune in to learn how dual socialization can help you clearly see how our thoughts are subjective, why it’s important to define cultural traditions vs. non-cultural traditions, and about the power of thought work to help you create the kind of life you want to live.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/253

I get a lot of questions from people who are new to thought work that have to do with gaslighting themselves. It’s a totally normal concern and one that I’ve talked about many times on the podcast. But here’s why it’s so interesting. It comes from the assumption that your original unconscious thoughts are better or carry more importance simply because it is your original subconscious thought. Why are we giving more importance to the first thing our brains spit out than the thoughts we intentionally cultivate ourselves?

Listen to this week’s podcast episode to learn why our original thoughts aren’t necessarily our most helpful thoughts and how the most real or ‘you’ thoughts can be the ones you choose intentionally.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/252

Do you worry about the future? Do you stress and plan for a hundred different “worst case” scenarios in the hopes that doing so will make you more “prepared” for what’s to come? Humans evolved to fear uncertainty above all else, which kept us safe from starving to death or being eaten by a predator…but now, it’s a recipe for crippling anxiety.

Tune in to today’s episode to learn how to solve your uncertainty problem so you can transform your fear into peace and acceptance.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/251

Most coaching training teaches that all coaching tools apply to everyone the same. That coaching is black and white. But when you’re aware of different lived experiences, different identities and systems of oppression in the world? And you understand how to navigate those with your clients in ways that help them feel empowered? That’s coaching in technicolor.

Listen to this week’s podcast episode to learn more about my intersectional approach to coaching, why I think intersectionality in coaching is so important, and how you can learn my framework to bring this work into your own coaching practice.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/250

For most people who dip their toes into the world of thought work for the first time, there are usually some questions that come up around subjectivity and reality. “If all thoughts are made up in our brains - is anything really true? How do I know if something is true?” But the truth is, our brains are making things up all the time. We’re actually hallucinating all the time (and no, you haven’t been unwittingly dosed with mushrooms!).

Listen to this week’s podcast episode to learn about the way our brains create our realities, why accepting something as reality first can make it more difficult to change your thoughts about it later, and why you should decide what to believe on purpose.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/249

Twice a week I lift weights with a trainer. This way of moving, yes, strengthens my body, but it has also done wonders for strengthening my brain. So what is the connection between mind and body? And how do we unravel the internalized messages we receive about our bodies to find where true confidence really comes from?

In this special release podcast episode, you will listen to an interview that I did on the Thick Thighs Save Lives podcast to learn practical tips on how to grow authentic confidence (no actual weightlifting required!).

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/248

A lot of people want to become entrepreneurs to enjoy the freedom that comes with being able to call your own shots. But at the first hint of any of entrepreneurship’s hallmark instability, they usually take it to mean they’re doing it wrong. This inherent brain error of only fantasizing about the positive and rejecting the negative is one I see play out time and time again in all facets of life.

Listen to this week’s podcast episode to learn about the inherent brain error and how it can hold you back, and the incredible difference it can make when you accept the full experience of whatever you choose.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/247

Join me this week as I show you the power that lies in practicing radical self-love and exquisite self-care, why it is a radical subversive act, and how liberation from an oppressive ideology is an inside job. Radical self-love is where change has to start, and it’s a tool that will give you the emotional resources and mental freedom to transform your life.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/246

At first glance it may seem like it’s a ‘bad’ or ‘unhelpful’ thought that’s holding you back from finding your perfect partner, landing your dream job, reaching the next revenue goal in your business, or having the kind of friendships you’ve always wanted. But upon further inspection, you may find that this thought is actually doing important, protective work in the background - especially if it’s one that you’ve tried time and time again to shift with no success.

Listen to this week’s podcast episode to learn how changing your thoughts about your thoughts can be just as transformative as changing the thoughts themselves, what rejecting yourself ahead of time may be protecting you from, and the importance of looking at both sides of a belief.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/245

The mindset women have around money has been affected in no small part by how we have been socialized. At my Feminist Business Mastermind a few weeks ago, I shared three main money mindset lessons that all women - whether you own a business or not - should hear.

Listen to this week’s podcast episode to learn why understanding the nuanced difference between asking and offering is so important, why women have been socialized to believe they’re bad with money, and the importance of making sure you’ve carefully chosen your thoughts before you make an offer.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/244

Some of you know that I was a reproductive rights activist, advocate, litigator, and academic before I became a coach. So I am sadly not surprised by this decision as the writing has long been on the wall. But here's what I have to say as a coach:

The Supreme Court has overturned Roe v. Wade.

How do we meet this kind of challenge, from a coaching/thought work perspective?

Today is a day of mourning for anyone who cares about human autonomy and freedom. This ruling is a violation of the rights of anyone who can get pregnant, and in keeping with a long history of patriarchal control over women/childbearing bodies. As usual, the burden will be worse for people of color, disabled people, poor people, and anyone else living in a marginalized identity or a retrogressive state.

Thought work is not about finding a “silver lining” in human rights violations. It is not about seeing oppression as “perfect” because it exists.

It is about equipping ourselves to return to the fight.

It is about increasing our own resilience, to show up for what we believe, even when we seem to be losing.

It is about reclaiming our own ability to make meaning of our struggles and our lives, no matter what circumstances we live in.

It is about power in the one place that no one else can control: The inside of our own minds.

This work is about liberating ourselves from the inside out, so that we can continue to work to liberate the world.

So allow those emotions today. Anger, sadness, fear. Cry, grieve, scream, howl.

And when you’re ready, manage your mind. Choose what you want to believe – about this decision, about this world, about yourself, about your capacity to hold your experience, to find joy, to create change, to help others.

Many terrible Supreme Court decisions have been overturned in time. It is worth continuing the fight.

If we give up in our own minds, we are giving up on the world. That's how the patriarchy wins. Don’t give up.

P.S. If you want more guidance: I recommend Episode 31, What About Sexism, and Episode 70, Clean v. Dirty Pain.

P.P.S. The quickest thing you can do to help equalize abortion access in a post-Roe world is to donate to local and state abortion funds that will pay for women to travel to states where abortion is still available. You can google to find one close to home or you can donate to the National Network of Abortion Funds here: https://secure.actblue.com/donate/supportabortionfunds?refcode=nnafwebsite Here is another list: https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/culture-news/abortion-funds-to-donate-to-how-to-help-1351451/ 

While it would be nice if we could sit back and wait for our incredible intelligence and value to be recognized and rewarded, that unfortunately isn’t the way things work, especially for people socialized as women.

My guest on the podcast this week, founder and CEO of Squad Isa Watson, has masterfully navigated the white male landscapes of science, tech, and now startup, as a Woman of Color, and has used managing her mind to succeed in each of them.

Tune in to learn how creating opportunities for yourself and discomfort go hand in hand, why learning to be your own hype person is so important, how managing your mind can help when going through proper institutional channels (like HR) fails, and the difference between mentorship and sponsorship (and why you should intentionally cultivate the latter).

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/243

Listen in as Kara answers questions like "Is the Clutch a cult?" and more in this bonus Q+A episode.

Get more info here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/bonus-clutch-qa/

Doors to the Clutch are now open! They've been closed since last year, but you can join now through Tuesday, June 21. Listen to learn what kind of transformation is waiting for you when you join the incredible Clutch community. Get more info here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/theclutch

Have you ever wondered if we (or the entire human race) would enter into total anarchy and violence in the absence of self-judgment, worry over other people’s feelings, or agreement on ethics or morality? More importantly, have you ever wondered *why* you think that would be the case? It all boils down to whether or not you think humans are inherently good or inherently bad - to what you believe the nature of humans is.

Listen to this week’s podcast episode to learn why it’s so critical to examine and intentionally choose your beliefs about human nature, how women’s socialization adds an additional complicated layer to the way we view human nature, and the role our beliefs about human nature play into how we motivate ourselves.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/242

Annual mile markers, like birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays prompt us to reflect on the past year. The act of reflection helps us to cultivate appreciation and enjoyment from our past experiences, but doing it in thoughtful ways is actually a really effective way we can work to create our future intentionally.

I recently celebrated my 41st birthday, a milestone in my business, and my anniversary with my partner, and took time to do my own little ritual of reflection by answering just four simple questions. Listen to this week’s podcast episode to learn what the four questions are and how the answers can help you create a future so good, you can’t even imagine it right now.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/241

People socialized as women are particularly susceptible to suffering from the burnout our entire country seems to be dealing with. That’s because they’re taught from an extremely young age that they have to take care of everyone else before they take care of themselves.

This week I’m joined by two of my Advanced Certification in Feminist Coaching students, Ali Ryan and Marissa McKool, as we look closely at how we define burnout and uncover the roles patriarchy and productivity play in it.

Tune in to learn how you can begin to heal your burnout by figuring out what your unconscious commitments are and by identifying thought patterns about your to-do list at home, and how changing your thoughts around rest (while it may feel terrible at first) can help you prevent future burnout.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/240

It would be nice to think we can leave capitalism at the office when we go home for the day. But the truth is, its reach goes far beyond just the way we make, sell, and buy stuff. It can affect the ways we place value on the actual human beings who do the work, which in turn can lead to burnout, hustle culture, and even ableism. 

In this episode I’m joined by two of my Advanced Certification in Feminist Coaching Students, Tina Koch and Rachèle Summers, as we discuss the tricky triad of internalized ableism, productivity culture, and capitalism.

Listen in to learn how you can begin changing productivity-related tendencies by examining the ‘shoulds’ in your life, how the first step in changing your internalized ableism is to approach your thoughts around it with compassion, and how you can begin pushing back on hustle culture and build emotional resilience by learning to sit with cognitive dissonance.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/239

There’s been a lot of talk about the invisible load the last few years (especially through Covid when women were literally trying to do it all). Pushing back against the invisible load can look like “dropping the ball.” But “dropping the ball” isn’t always safe for those socialized as women who also belong to other marginalized identities.

Listen to this interview with two of my Advanced Certification in Feminist Coaching students, Amelia Pleasant Kennedy and Shawna Saumel, to learn how the invisible load is connected to your emotional and physical energy, the importance of negotiation in a relationship, and how living in other marginalized identities can exacerbate a woman’s drive to achieve and do more.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/238

It’s natural to want to stay in our comfort zones, to hang out or work with people who think like we do, to feel like we belong. But if you feel called to be a change maker in this world, you may find that you’ll have your greatest impact by stepping out of your insular world and into one where people don’t believe the same things you do. You may also find that fear of rejection will kick in full force when you think about striking out on your own.

Listen to this podcast episode to learn the truth about seeking out belonging, how belonging can keep us stuck, and how to navigate the tension between belonging and making change.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/237

Our brains think they can predict the future. They’ll take one instance, generalize it into a pattern, and try to convince us that one of our fleeting thoughts or a fleeting thought that others have about us is a constant state (and rarely is it a pleasant one!).

So, if your brain is hung up on what other people are thinking about you, what can you do to get some relief? Listen to this week’s podcast episode to learn the very thought I recently coached one of my colleagues on that can help you give less of a sh*t about what other people are thinking about you.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/236

Marriage and money. Opinions on these two topics certainly run the gamut. But whether you’re currently married, planning to get married, or marriage is the furthest thing from your mind, women’s relationship to money can be a tricky thing to unpack. And there’s good reason for this: the patriarchy has had its hands in women’s relationship to money since humans have roamed the earth.

So, how do we begin to understand some of the thoughts we’ve long held when it comes to money, and shift them if we want to? Tune in to this week’s episode as board-certified dermatologist and wealth coach Dr. Bonnie Koo and I take a look at prenups, the twofold reason women tend to make less money than men, the importance of contracts in marriage and money, and more.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/235

Ever notice how when someone points out that you’re getting defensive, you tend to get more defensive?

Defensiveness can be difficult to shift because of this very reason! But it also blocks our growth, so it’s worth examining. It doesn’t come naturally and can take time to learn, but defensiveness IS a quality you can shift if you’d like.

Tune in to this week’s episode to learn how to identify defensiveness, what defensiveness has to teach us about our relationship with ourselves, and questions you can ask yourself to begin diffusing defensiveness now.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/234

UnF*ck Your Brain is looking to add a Director of Programming and a full-time Clutch Coach to its growing team!

Listen to this episode to learn more about the Director of Programming and Clutch Coach positions, or head straight to unfuckyourbrain.com/hiring for details on how to apply!

We’ve heard the word trauma used liberally the past few years, both in relation to shared global events (like the pandemic) and in relation to more trivial things (like someone cutting in line at Starbucks).

When a psychological concept goes mainstream, it’s bound to be understood differently by different people. So, what IS trauma? What is NOT trauma? And if we want to change the relationship with our trauma and the way it makes us feel, how can we guide ourselves to think differently about it?

Tune in to this week’s episode as podcast host, New York Times best-selling author, speaker, and spiritual leader, Gabby Bernstein shares about her own trauma treatment story and the role curiosity and compassion have played in it.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/233

We all have personal preferences. Do we like a partner who’s tall or short? Do we prefer friendships with people who have similar jobs to ours? Do we like a house in the suburbs or a condo in the middle of the city?

And there’s nothing wrong with preferring one thing to another, whether it’s in dating, friendship, or where we live and work. But it is always worth examining the reasons behind our preferences and, if we want to, working to dismantle any thinking that’s causing us to have them.

Tune in to this week’s episode as celebrity dating coach Damona Hoffman and I talk about changing biased preferences in dating or in any other area of your life.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/232

We often hear platitudes like “if it’s meant to be, it will be easy,” or “if it feels hard, maybe it’s not meant for you.” And while these phrases are usually said to make us feel better about work, relationships, or whatever the situation is at hand, there’s a danger in them, too. 

The truth is, emotional growth often feels TERRIBLE, so if we find ourselves constantly shying away from resistance or difficulty, we may also miss out on opportunities for BIG growth. Tune in to learn how to discern what’s worth emotional difficulty and what’s not.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/231

What is the difference between therapy and life coaching? Are the two modalities at odds with each other? When might you want to seek a therapist vs a coach to support you?

In this week’s podcast episode, therapist and life coach Mollie Birney joins me for an exploration of these questions and more. Tune in to learn more about both therapy AND coaching, and how both modalities can support your own mental health journey.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/230

Coaching is about more than affirmations and good vibes. If you’ve ever wondered about the neurochemistry of thought work, this episode is for you. In it, I will interview Dr. Caroline Leaf, a cognitive neuroscientist and bestselling author who can speak directly to why cognitive coaching tools are so effective - and how they can transform your brain and life.

Tune in as we discuss how to use cognitive neuroscience to tackle internalized oppression and create the life (and world) you want to be in.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/229

Are you a feminist who is sick of feeling burdened with an invisible workload in your relationships? In this special interview with Master Certified Life Coach and bestselling author Susan Hyatt, you will learn how to reconcile your feminist ideals with your real-world relationship dynamics… without feeling frustrated or bitter. Tune in to learn how to use coaching tools to liberate yourself from both patriarchy AND resentment in your relationships.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/228

What if there were one question you could ask yourself that immediately put you in touch with your highest priorities, your deepest values, and how you want to live in the world? In this episode, you will learn the question I ask myself to instantly gain perspective and clarity on what matters most to me. Tune in to learn how this question can change your life, too.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/227

Are you an entrepreneur looking to explore how you can infuse your business with coaching principles? Or maybe you’re simply curious what is possible when you bring coaching tools into the workplace?

In this episode, you will learn about the impact of embracing thought work tools at work, especially as a manager. If you’re curious how coaching can be used to empower employees, this episode is for you.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/226