A Love Language Minute

Most of us are willing to admit that we're not perfect. If you won't admit your faults to your spouse, it will build walls of separation in your marriage.

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When dealing with conflict in your marriage, it's important to take a close look at what you contributed to the conflict. Even if your spouse is mostly at fault, be sure that you confess YOUR part of the problem.

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It's important to focus on the present and future state of your marriage, but it's just as important to look back to the past. You must deal with past failures before you can put them behind you.

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It's normal for couples to have issues that come up when they get married. Finances is often one of them. Talk about it! Consider holding a weekly conference together in which each of you brings up one item for discussion. That will present the opportunity to bring up issues that concern you the most.

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Has your relationship moved past the tingly love stage? Does it make you wonder if you're still in love? When you come off of the emotional high, you'll see each other in a more realistic light. Learning to speak each other's love language keeps emotional warmth in your relationship.

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The most important relationship is your relationship with God. If you feel like your relationship with God is growing stale, try expressing yourself to Him in all 5 love languages. You'll be amazed at how that revitalizes your relationship with Him.

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The best way to express your love to your spouse is to speak their love language. An example - if her love language is Acts of Service, cheerfully perform tasks around the house that are helpful to her, even if you don't feel like doing them.

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Christianity is a love relationship With God; but what does that look like in daily life? In Dr. Gary Chapman's book, God Speaks Your Love Language, you'll learn how He draws you to Himself when He speaks your love language.

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If you're engaged to a man who constantly checks out other women, run! If he does this before you get married, you can be sure he'll continue to do that after marriage.

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When conflict with your spouse ends in fights and arguments, entertaining thoughts of divorce is real. The answer is learning how to resolve conflict. Dr. Gary Chapman recommends that you read his book, Happily Ever After.

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God's method of drawing us to Himself is love. God individualizes His expressions of love. He knows and speaks YOUR love language!

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There's a lot of unlovely people in this world. One of them might be your spouse. As difficult as it is, the most powerful thing you can do is to love your unlovely spouse.

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Jesus said, "As often as you do it, you do it unto me". How you express your love to others will depend on your own love language.

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If depriving your parents from seeing their grandchild is because you're unwilling to forgive, you need help! Life is too short to live with broken relationships. Consider reading Dr. Gary Chapman's book, The Five Love Languages of Apology.

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The good new is, all 5 love languages can be spoken long distance. Expressing them verbally or in written form can communicate your love while separated.

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What is the greatest commandment of all? - to love God with all our heart, soul and mind. We love God because He first loved us. And God has expressed His love to each of us in our own primary love language.

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It's easy to love someone who's lovely, but not so easy when they are unlovely. Jesus said we are to love and bless our enemies.

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Why do Christians some times criticize each other? The way we express our love for God is usually different from the way someone else does. It's an indicator of what our love language is. Neither is right or wrong - just different.

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Second marriages are difficult, especially when your new spouse has children from a previous marriage. Until that child becomes an adult, your spouse will always have some contact with the mother of that child.

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Wouldn't it be easier if couples shared the same love language? Yes, but there are often dialects within the same language. So although you share the same love language, you still need to learn the nuances of each other's love language.

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God uses people to reach people. He has demonstrated His love through Christ's sacrifice for us. But He has also chosen you to express His love to others in their own love language.

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Listening to each other is critical to a healthy marriage. A spouse might often say something but mean something else. Ask questions. Their response to your questions might clarify what they really meant.

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How do you know God loves you? In human relationships, we feel loved when the other person speaks to us in our love language. The same is true with God. Learn more by reading Dr. Gary Chapman's book, God Speaks Your Love Language.

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All couples will have conflicts. Learning how to solve conflicts without arguing is key. It's essential for a healthy marriage. Learn how to listen to each other with empathy and respect.

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You've discovered that your husband has been using drugs and gambling. Now what? Confront your husband with tough love. Let him know that you love him too much to allow this to go on. Seek counseling for him if he's willing.

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It's amazing that God would want to have a relationship with us! God expresses His love for us in our own love language so that we'll know in our hearts that He loves us.

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Prayer is an effective communication tool in a marriage. When married couples pray together, they're drawn more closely to each other and to God.

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When your child becomes a teenager, it's time to stop preaching and start teaching. Teach your teen in a conversational style because it's much more effective than preaching at them. Preaching at your teen will drive them to go elsewhere for advice.

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A long-term dating relationship may fail. Why?, because the "in love" feelings wear off. Dating couples should learn to speak each other's love language in order to keep their love alive.

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Domestic abusers often blame their spouse. Scripture teaches us to love our enemies. However, love can be expressed by saying "I love you too much to allow you to continue this abuse". Move out if necessary until the abuser gets their anger under control.

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Listen to your child's requests, and you'll discover their love language.

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If you're frustrated about the lack of good communication with your spouse, ask them if they would be willing to read a book with you about how you can improve communication between the two of you.

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What do you do when your husband's love language is physical touch but he's currently deployed? Look for creative ways to give an emotional touch while apart.

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How do you learn your child's love language? - observe how they express love to others. Children love others in the language they wish to receive.

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When one spouse talks all the time and the other spouse rarely talks, good communication won't happen. Listening to each other is just as important as talking.

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One of the most important goals in parenting is to make sure your children grow up feeling loved. If your children are secure in your love, they'll be far more responsive to your teaching and training.

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Your child drives you crazy. What can you do? The very first thing you can do is make sure they feel loved. The only way they'll feel loved is if you show them love in their own love language.

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It's not appropriate for a husband to make comments about other beautiful women in front of you. Remind him that he's married to you and his attention should be focused on you.

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What makes one child feel loved doesn't necessarily make the other child feel loved. Each one has an emotional love tank. One has a larger or smaller tank one than the other. Spend the appropriate amount of time to fill each love tank to the brim.

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If communication between spouses is practically nonexistent, make an effort to talk to your spouse about things they're interested in. Often times, they'll begin to open up.

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How do you teach your child obedience? State the rules clearly, and explain the consequences clearly. Then, in kindness and firmness, administer the consequences.

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Having a growing marriage is extremely difficult when their work requires being separated for long periods of time.

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Will premarital sex help a couple in the dating phase of their relationship? NO. If either of them breaks off the relationship, they'll be left with extreme emotional pain and guilt.

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When Christian couples walk out on each other, it stems from one of three problems: 1. Lack of an intimate relationship with God; 2. Lack of an intimate relationship with your spouse; or 3. Lack of an intimate understanding and acceptance of one's self.

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You waste your energy when you argue, trying to convince the other person that you're right and they're wrong. That will never work. Instead, try to find some middle ground where you both can agree.

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In this busy world, many parent find it difficult to spend quality time with their teenagers. Without focused attention, a teenager experiences increased anxiety because they feel everything else is more important that they are. That leaves their love tank empty.

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When your spouse refuses to apologize, it makes it difficult to deal with the hurt. The Bible teaches that when someone sins against you, confront them. If they repent, forgive them.

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Couples that live together before getting married are no better prepared for marriage than those who did not. In fact, their divorce rate is even higher.

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Separation doesn't necessarily lead to divorce. Separation forces us to admit we have serious problems. When we examine divorce, we realize that divorce doesn't solve anything. In fact, it creates more problems. The best of our options is to seek reconciliation.

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Since every married couple has different thoughts and feelings, there will be barriers to good communication. The best way to break down those barriers is to Listen!

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What can you do if you're married but can't get rid of the memories of your premarital sex? Confess your past sin to God and your wife, then picture the blood of Christ flowing over your sin and hiding it from your sight.

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It's not unusual for a spouse to be an alcoholic but doesn't think they have a problem. Are you in this situation? Choose to show them your  tender love. At the same time, you can exercise tough love by insisting on seeking out good counseling.

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Does Separation equal Divorce? Not necessarily. Separation can be a time of tremendous growth. Take this time to consider the choices and actions that caused your separation and choose to make the necessary changes. With God's help, this might lead to reconciliation instead of divorce.

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Listening is the key to good communication. If you listen to your spouse and try to understand their thoughts and feelings, your marriage will thrive.

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If you have a silent husband, have you ever wondered why? If you're quick to criticize his ideas, he might just shut down. Your criticism will strike at the heart of his self esteem.

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You and your fiancé want to get married and are applying for grad school. This might pose some challenges to your marriage. Dr. Gary Chapman recommends postponing your marriage until you both accomplish your academic goals.

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Are you and your spouse the products of divorce? Having experienced growing up in a home where your parents divorced, your goal should be to never put your own children in that same situation. The key is to get a clear picture of what a healthy family looks like.

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Behind every verbally abusive tongue is a person of value. If you can focus on their worth rather than on their abuse, perhaps you can be God's instrument to bring healing.

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There's something about the way we're made that cries out for intimacy. God designed marriage to be the most intimate of all human relationships.

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Those who verbally abuse their spouse are saying more about their own needs rather than their spouse's character.

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Are there fireworks in your marriage - the fireworks of romantic love? When you speak your spouse's love language, you'll touch their heart.

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Our mission is to make disciples. The best method to use is to love them.

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If you're married, it's never wise to try to reconnect with your past girlfriends. You'll be jeopardizing the commitment you made to your spouse.

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We often connect past relationships to the music of that era. If you're married now, it's probably wise not to listen to that music any more. Then you probably won't relive those memories and be drawn away from your spouse.

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Confession should ideally precede forgiveness. But if someone has sinned against you and has never confessed, ask God to help you forgive them anyway. This will allow you to rid yourself of the sin of bitterness.

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It's deeply hurtful for a husband to tells his wife that she's not attractive. His unkind comments are more than physical - they're emotional. Ask him if he feels loved by you. Learn his love language to connect more deeply with him.

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Intimacy is at the very heart of a growing marriage. God designed marriage to be the most intimate of all human relationships. What are you doing to build intimacy in your marriage?

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Are you attempting to improve your marriage by trying to change your spouse? Matthew chapter 7 tells us not to judge others. Examine yourself and see if YOU are the one who needs to change.

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The most common complaint of singles is that they are lonely. God didn't design us to live in isolation. Intimacy is one our deepest needs. If you're single, invest your time with others. It's the language of friendship.

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Your girlfriend has trouble trusting men. How can you convince her that she can trust you? You can't convince her to trust you. What you can do is be trustworthy.

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A military couple's love language is quality time. How can they express their love while one spouse is deployed? Today's technology enables them to communicate electronically. So call often!

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Selfishness is the greatest barrier to marital unity. If we're honest with ourselves, we're all afflicted with the disease of selfishness. Selfishness is a product of our fallen nature. But as a Christian, we've been given a new nature.

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If you don't get good results from doing a task but you don't ask for input from someone you trust, you won't improve or grow. You'll always win when you ask for input.

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Communication is the lifeline for a growing marriage. So what do you do when your spouse won't talk? Don't condemn them. Instead, ask them questions about a topic they're interested in.

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Dr. Gary Chapman's seminars aren't only for married couples. Engaged couples and even single adults attend as well.

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Which kind of person are you - messy or a neat freak? This can lead to tremendous frustration within a relationship. Make requests for change, not demands. Love accepts many imperfections - the things that one can not or will not change.

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What is the loving thing to do when your adult child moves back home? Establish time limits to their stay. Formulate a financial agreement. Respect the need for privacy.

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The process of getting to know each other in a dating relationship requires that there be lots of communication. If one struggles to communicate, begin to develop good communication skills early on.

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It's not uncommon for adult children to move back home. Meet with  your child and find out what their plans are moving forward. What is their exit plan. Approach the plan step by step. Setting small goals is better than no goals at all.

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The five love languages are dispersed relatively evenly between men and women. The important thing is for you to learn the primary love language of your spouse.

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Can a wide age gap pose a problem in marrying someone? It depends on the gap. The older both individuals are, the more likely it is for the marriage to work.

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The boomerang generation - it's when your older children leave but then move back home. This can be very challenging for the parents. Don't be afraid to talk to other parents who can share with you how they were able to handle it.

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How can you have healthy Interactions with others on political issues? The very first step is to listen to them without being judgmental and ask them questions. Then ask them if they're willing to hear your side.

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When you're angry, be sure to get all the facts before you take action. It's easy to jump to conclusion about what someone did or said. Ask questions and make sure you understand all the facts.

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How important is it to know all the secrets of your spouse's past? Be sensitive and don't force him to share thing he doesn't want to share. If God has forgiven him, allow him to choose the things about which he's willing to share.

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How important is it to get your future in-law's blessing before marrying their daughter? It's definitely ideal. Take time to honestly consider the areas of their concern and admit that they might be right. In the end, you don't always have to base your decision on the blessing of your potential in-laws.

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Taking positive steps toward dealing with anger is essential. God can use our anger in a positive way if you're willing to admit that you're angry, confront the person who's wronged you, then seek reconciliation.

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We find it easy to point out the negative areas in others, but struggle to point out any of our own. The Bible instructs us to remove the log in our own eye before trying to remove the speck in someone else's eye.

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Anger between families members is not uncommon. Don't let it fester. Instead, ask the person with whom you're angry if it's a good time to talk. Get it out in the open, and agree to find a solution to the problem in an agreeable and positive way.

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It's very discouraging when your in-laws don't think you're good enough for their daughter. The best approach is to focus on being the person your wife needs you to be. Perhaps in the future, your in-laws may change their minds about you.

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How can you bring the spark back into your marriage? The best way is to learn to speak your spouse's love language, and do it consistently.

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We get angry when our sense of right is violated. Share your anger with someone in a positive manner, then let it go. Anger was never meant to move in permanently - it should only be a visitor.

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Most of us are self-centered. We strive to achieve our goals but often lose our marriages in the process. If we aim to build our marriages while at the same time building our careers, both spouses win.

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Many Christians pride themselves in holding back their anger; but internalizing anger is very unhealthy. The Biblical challenge is that when we experience anger, we are to process it in a positive way.

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What does "in love" mean? The word love means many things to many people. Feeling "in love" means exactly that - a feeling. Feeling "in love" doesn't necessarily mean you should marry that person.

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How can you win back your girlfriend after a breakup? You can make an effort to win her back, but you can't make her love you. Be prepared to accept that your relationship is over, then trust God to bring along someone who's best for you.

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Why is it that raising children seems to keep you from maintaining a growing marriage? Maybe it's because you haven't managed your time well. Be intentional about scheduling time with your spouse.

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Do you or your spouse make excuses for having an affair? Remind yourself that your marriage is a covenant with your spouse. The responsibility rests upon both you to confront, repent and restore your marriage.

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Do you feel you have enough time to invest in your marriage and your parenting? Yes! The problem isn't time; it's how you schedule your time.

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